Here's the final part…thanks to everyone for their feedback. Hugs to Marlou as always for beat-ing
Grissom followed Sara closely as she swayed slightly, only to stop and regain her balance before walking any further. Images blurred her vision, unleashing her demons, taking her to new realms of fear. Her mind swam with turmoil, bringing her past to merge with the present.
Closing her eyes briefly, she seemed to lose all ability to focus as the ground whirled around beneath her. Falling to her knees, she could feel the nausea rising inside her throat, retching painfully as she emptied the contents of her stomach into the dust that surrounded her.
"It's okay," Grissom spoke softly from somewhere behind her, his hand rubbing her back while she continued to throw up. Looking up towards Brass, he indicated for him to leave them alone for a few minutes, his need to show her that he was by her side overwhelming his senses and rationale. Nodding his approval, Brass stepped away, turning his attention back to the man who had brought one of the strongest women he had ever known to her knees.
Grissom watched Sara worriedly as she started to sit back up, her stomach emptied of what little she had managed to eat only a few hours earlier. Reaching out a hand to her arm, he pulled her up gently so that she was standing by his side. "How do you feel?" He watched for any sign of recognition, but she gave none. "Sara?" he asked again, this time turning her around to face him.
Sara looked at him, staring at him blankly, but her unseeing eyes failed to see the wet pools forming in his eyes. She could feel his presence and part of her longed to reach out to him, but the claws of fear held her back.
"Sara?" he whispered again, his voice breaking under the immense strain over his heart. "Honey please talk to me."
His voice seemed to cut through the images clouding her mind, melting them away until she could see him for the first time. "Grissom?' she asked softly, part of her still afraid that she was submerged in dreams.
"Yes." He gasped in relief, as he lifted one of his arms to encircle her shoulder. "You're going to be okay."
"Mark?" she asked, moving to look behind her until Grissom pulled on her arm to return her to him. At first she fought his hold until his gentle touch coaxed her back to his eyes.
"Brass will handle him."
"We have to process the scene," she told him, "me, I'm evidence, you have to process me."
"Not here Sara," he told her gently. "When you're away from here."
"I…"
Catching her hand, he came around to face her as he tried to keep the tremble from his voice. "I want to take you away from here."
"No, you have to process me now." Her body started to tremble as she moved her shaking fingers to the buttons on her shirt, fumbling miserably as she tried to pull the material free from her body. "Help me get this off," she muttered frantically, tugging forcefully.
"Sara," he soothed, reaching out to still her hands. "Catherine will be here soon and she'll help you to change."
"I don't care," she groaned, her voice breaking. "Please help me get these off. I need them off me."
"Okay," he sighed, maneuvering her over towards the Yukon, which was still parked with the door open. "Let me get my kit and I'll find something for you to change in to."
"I need this off me," she told him again, her trembling body shuddering under the intense strain of her ordeal. Her clothes smelt of Mark. Her hair, her skin, everything smelt of him and she needed to be free of their restraining bonds around her body. "Grissom, get it off me."
Gil Grissom had seen many sights in his life, but nothing had broken his heart more than the sight of the woman before him, broken and bruised. He wanted to hold her, to softly caress all her fears away, but she needed him to be strong for her. Stepping closer towards her, he took her hands in his, holding them sandwiched between his own. "Sara look at me?"
Shaking her head, she pulled against his hands. "I can't look at you," she whispered brokenly.
"Honey please?"
"I saw his eyes," she growled, her anger making a brief appearance before disappearing once more behind a veil of self-loathing. "You don't want to look at me, I'm not good enough to be looked at."
"Sara don't you say that. Don't ever say that." Gripping her hands tighter, her tried everything he could think of to coax her eyes to his, but she refused to meet his gaze.
"He was going to.." Closing her eyes to block out the memories, she began to tremble violently before pulling away from his hands to begin raking at her clothes once more. She ripped at the buttons, taking no care in keeping the clothing intact.
"Honey slow down," Grissom told her softly as he pulled her closer towards the open door of the Yukon. "You have to preserve the evidence, can you do that for me?"
The softness in his voice brought fresh tears to her eyes and she at last met his. She noticed the wetness in his blue depths and for a moment his emotions scared her. Every feeling, every tiny ounce of resolve bombarded her all at once. Her bottom lip began to tremble under the intense pain inside her heart, but she fought it off with every part of defiance that she still had residing inside her. Backing away from him, she nodded silently, unwilling to be consumed by the numbing fear that had threatened to swallow her whole. She had broken down in front of him once already, she couldn't do it again. Taking it slowly this time, she kept her eyes focused on his face as she popped one button, followed by another until the shirt hung loosely from her shoulders. Wordlessly, Grissom held open a large brown bag for her to place the offending item into, taping it closed when she had done so.
Reaching behind her, he pulled a jumpsuit from the back seat and tried not to look at her exposed skin while she rid her body of her jeans, but the more of her skin was revealed, the more he found it difficult to look away. Pulling out another large brown bag, he held it open, concentrating on anything that would distract him from her body.
When she was free of her jeans, she dumped them into the offered bag and pulled the jumpsuit up over her body. Her hands trembled as she tried to pop the buttons closed, but her fingers refused to co-operate.
"Want some help?" he asked softly when he turned back around to watch her battling with the material.
Wordlessly, her hands fell limp to her sides and she nodded in defeat. Their eyes met when he stepped closer, his fingers brushing her skin. Both of them felt the bolt of electricity run through their bodies, and in that moment Sara couldn't think of anyone who she would rather have heal her wounds than him. Closing her eyes tightly against the intruding thoughts clouding her brain, she pushed the visions to the far reaches of her mind. It was never going to happen, she was alone. She had to accept the fact that she was, and always would be.
"There," he whispered gravelly, "done." He was about to turn around again when she held out a shaking hand to him. She watched the confusion cloud in his eyes and for a brief moment she couldn't find her voice.
"My nails," she told him quietly. "I scratched him so that after he…after I…" Taking a shuddering breath, she met his eyes, begging him to understand.
Nodding silently, Grissom swallowed down the nausea that threatened to engulf him. He knew she would leave him clues, a CSI until the very end. The fact that she was willing to face her own death brought so much pain to his heart that he thought his knees might just buckle beneath him. If they had arrived a few minutes later…
Reaching into his field kit, he pulled out a small bindle and lifted her fingers above the opening as he scraped the skin beneath her nails. She watched him while he worked, her eyes seeking solace in the very essence of him. He was her healer, even though he may be an unwilling participant.
"My face," she told him as he closed the lid of his kit. He turned back to her questioningly, looking to her skin with a shocking discovery. Small bruises had started to appear on her cheeks, and another at her temple. Casting his mind back, he remembered when the barrel of the gun pressed deeply into her skin. "He licked my face," she whispered, lifting her head giving him the side of her face like some kind of offering. Grissom could feel his heart breaking as he pulled more swabs from his kit. Hadn't she been through enough already?
When he had done the necessary task, he popped the tube containing the swab closed and placed it in his kit. "I have to do one more thing Sara and this will all be over. Okay?"
Meeting his eyes, she nodded her assent, knowing that he needed to photograph her face, which was most probably bruised by now. Closing her eyes, she waited for the flash of the camera and the click indicating the picture had been taken before opening her eyes once more.
"We're finished here," he told her, unable to hide the affection in his voice any longer. "Why don't you sit in the car? As soon as Catherine gets here, I can take you home."
Nodding silently, Sara turned and climbed into the seat, her stomach rolling with the thought of being alone once more.
A few minutes before Grissom joined her, another vehicle pulled up beside Brass' car. He could see Nick, Warrick and Catherine inside. Jumping out of the car, Catherine raced to his side. "Where is she? Is she alright?"
Grissom watched her numbly as he nodded towards the parked Yukon with Sara sitting inside. She was staring down at her hands, unmoving.
"Oh thank God," Catherine gasped, turning towards Sara.
"No," Grissom pulled her back, "she's not doing too good."
"Where's Sara?" Nick asked urgently as he and Warrick practically ran over towards them. "Is she…?"
"Oh no," Warrick muttered when he followed Catherine's eyes to see Sara inside the Yukon's confines.
"She'll be alright," Grissom told them, not quite believing his own words as he started to walk away from them. As an afterthought, he turned back. "I need you to take the evidence back to the lab and we need every inch of this scene processed."
Stepping closer, Catherine grabbed hold of his hand and squeezed his fingers. "Tell her we're thinking of her."
"Yeah, give her our love," Nick added.
"I will," Grissom nodded gratefully. Moving away from them, he walked slowly up to the vehicle containing its precious passenger and climbed inside to join her. He looked at her briefly before starting the engine to take her away from the scene.
They drove in silence; Sara's eyes watching the scenery pass her by in a blur. She couldn't escape from the images that still haunted her mind and no amount of trying to block them out, worked. A silent tear slid from her eyes to make a wet track down her cheek, but she couldn't seem to move to brush it away.
"It's going to be alright Sara," Grissom whispered softly when he saw her face contorted with pain. He needed to keep her close to him in any way possible and he also wanted her to understand just how much he really loved her. "I'm taking you to my house," he told her, willing her to hear him.
Beside him, Sara heard his voice crashing through her memories to bring a blinkered sense of security. She didn't want to be alone tonight, but how could she not be? Turning to him, she watched his face silently, studying his features that she had already memorized a thousand times over. After all this time, he still managed to take her breath away. Leaning back in her seat, she closed her eyes tiredly. She wanted to be consumed into darkness, just for a little while. She needed to find peace.
Grissom stopped the Yukon outside his town house and looked over at the woman who had always captured his heart with her beauty and her strength. Reaching out to her, he touched her hand gently to rouse her. "Sara."
Her eyes sprung open and she sat bolt upright, staring at him with fear so evident in her eyes. "It's okay," he soothed, increasing the soft pressure on her hand. "We're here."
Taking a deep breath, Sara closed her eyes briefly as she tried to calm her racing heart. When she re-opened her eyes, she could see his concern as he gazed upon her face and she felt something shatter inside of her. Her eyes welled with tears as she tried to escape the snare of his eyes, but he held her firm, his commanding presence dominating her senses. "It's okay to cry Sara."
"I'm fine," she told him unconvincingly, her voice almost inaudible.
"No," he told her firmly, shaking her gently so that her attention focused on him again. "No, you're not fine. I won't leave you alone tonight."
His words unlocked the trembling emotions that begged to be freed from her self made prison, but she held them back. She couldn't break down, not again. If he saw how weak she really was then she would lose him forever and to lose him now when she needed his comfort…
"Come on," he told her as he opened his door to walk around her side of the car to pull her door open. "Let's get you inside." He held onto her hand, helping her out of the Yukon then slammed the door shut when she was free. Guiding her to his house, he held onto her hand with his own and opened his door with his free hand. Ushering her inside, he closed the door and locked it behind them.
Sara's eyes failed to leave him as he gently tugged her with him towards his bathroom. "You can get cleaned up Sara and I'll make you something to eat." Not expecting a reply, he maneuvered her to sit down on the toilet seat while he turned on the shower. In seconds steam billowed into the small room and he reached down to pull her up to stand with him again. "I'll give you some privacy." Stepping back, he loosened his hands around hers, but she squeezed his fingers tighter.
"Don't leave," she said quietly, her wide eyes begging for him to understand that she needed him. Grissom watched her carefully and for once ignored the fear that crept inside him. Stepping closer to her, he untangled one of his hands from hers to slide it gently up her arm and shoulder, to cup her face. He asked her with his eyes if she was sure she wanted him here, and she nodded numbly, her need for his presence conquering any denials he may have had.
Reaching out his other hand, he started to undo the buttons on her jumpsuit, helping her rid herself of the cumbersome garment that still held her dignity intact. "Sara," he whispered suddenly, his voice shaking along with his hands. "You finish getting undressed and I'll find something for you to change into."
For a heartbeat, he almost turned and made good his escape, but something in her eyes kept him grounded to the same spot. He could see the uncertainties in her deep brown orbs, and something else, which he couldn't quite fathom. His resolve snapped and shattered into a thousand pieces as she willingly began to disengage from his touch, giving him the escape he so desperately craved. In that one precious moment, he saw her soul bared before him. She needed his love and his strength to conquer this nightmare, and he knew he had to surrender to her, now more than ever. "I'll be right here," he told her gently, his voice shaking as he helped to slip the jumpsuit from her shoulders, "I'll stay for as long as you need me."
His closeness seemed to calm her and she soon found herself bathed in his warmth. His hands slid over her bare shoulders, pushing the material away from her body until she stood before him clad only in her underwear. "Sara…" he started, still unsure of himself as he touched her bare skin. With trembling fingers, he stepped closer so that his fully clothed body was pressed dangerously close to hers. "Shall I turn away? What do I do?"
Swallowing back the tears that bound together to bring the rising lump to her throat, she met his eyes with her own. In all the times she had gazed upon this beautiful man, she had always kept her feelings guarded, but tonight, in this precise moment, she couldn't hold back her emotions any longer. He healed her with his touch and his presence, and he was all she needed right now to be free of the emotional restraints that had held her captive for so long. Reaching her hands behind her, she unclasped her bra and let the soft material fall to the floor with the discarded jumpsuit. Their eyes held as she removed the remaining barrier that encompassed her body until she stood naked before him.
Grissom's heart was racing as he helped her climb into the tub and step under the hot sprays of water that enveloped her body. It wasn't until the surrounding steam safely encompassed her that he let his eyes roam over her pale skin. He had known this woman for so many years now, and yet, he really didn't know her at all. She had been alone and in pain, yet he failed to look beneath her surface and see that she was crying inside. Her bravery touched him deeply; it always had, but now more than ever he needed her to know that she spoke to his heart in so many different ways. He watched her now as she stood beneath the water, her body unmoving. The emotion that had threatened to engulf him earlier came back to his eyes with such force that he had to catch a sob before it escaped his throat. She needed him to be strong, but why wouldn't his eyes stop welling with tears?
Sara opened her eyes from inside the shower and turned her head to watch him silently. His tears broke what was left of her shattered heart and she had to fight to keep her own emotions at bay. Reaching her hands down to the taps, she turned off the water and grabbed at the bath towel he thrust in her direction. Wrapping herself up inside the warm cocoon, she stepped down from the tub, holding his offered hand as she did. She could feel the heavy burden of tears threatening to overflow from her eyes, but still she fought for control.
Grissom swallowed back his own emotions as he led her out of the small room and down the hall until they came to his bedroom. "Sit down Sara," he whispered gravelly, steering her to sit on the edge of his bed. "I'll find you something to wear."
Sitting on the edge of the mattress, she nodded numbly, keeping her eyes carefully averted from his gaze. If she looked into his, she would most definitely lose the struggle with her fragile balance. Deciding on a safe approach, she closed her eyes. She listened as he rifled through drawers, and only opened them again when she felt him sit beside her on the bed. "Sara?"
Looking towards the offering in his hands, she took the shirt and boxers from him gratefully, half expecting him to leave her side, but he didn't.
"Let me help you," he whispered softly as he began to rub the soft towel over her shoulders to soak up the droplets of water that still rained down onto her skin. Relief followed as she surrendered to his touch, his healing presence filling her with more peace than she had ever known before. "Lift you arms," he commanded softly as he pulled the shirt down over her body until it fell just below her thighs. He swallowed hard. Sara affected him in ways that no other woman had ever been able to do before. He felt a bond with her that went far deeper than anything he could ever explain. Lifting one of his hands, he touched her shoulder gently to fill her with his warmth. "You okay to finish getting dressed?" he asked in a whisper as his eyes moved to the boxers in her hands. When she nodded her answer, he stood up shakily from the bed and walked slowly towards the door. "I'll be right back."
Sara lifted her eyes when he had gone, the silence in the room filling her with unwanted solitude. Pulling on the underwear he had given her, she looked longingly at the covers, craving their warmth. She could hear his cell phone ringing in the distance and it suddenly struck her that she would once again be alone. Her bottom lip began to quiver, and she finally gave in to the tears that had threatened to engulf her for so long. One tear followed another, until she was pouring out her fear, sadness and isolation into whacking sobs that consumed her entire body. Giving in to the pull of the bed, she leaned down onto Grissom's pillow and unleashed the sobs that cleansed her soul of the past.
Grissom came racing back into the room, and stopped dead in the doorway when he saw her. She looked so small and fragile laying there in his bed that he could almost hear the crack in his heart open wider. Coming over to the bed, he climbed onto the mattress beside her and gathered her sobbing body into his arms. "It's okay honey," he whispered through his own tears as he rubbed her back. "Let it out."
His words only caused her to sob harder and she couldn't seem to stop the tears from falling. His warmth encompassed her, giving her the strength she needed to accept his comfort. Turning in his arms, she buried herself into his chest, unleashing every ounce of anguish out of her tired body. Grissom's arms held her tighter as she sobbed, pulling her closer into him. His own tears fell freely; mingling into her hair along with the soft kisses he showered over her silken strands.
"It's over now Sara," he whispered, "Brass just called, Mark Burrows will never hurt you again." He felt her arms tighten around him as he spoke, and felt her surrender against him. Laying them both down further onto the mattress, he held her in his arms until her sobs slowed into hiccups. With her essence surrounding him, he lifted her face so that she could see the honesty in his eyes. "I love you Sara," he whispered, kissing her face as he spoke. "I'm not afraid anymore."
Sara felt her eyes fill with liquid emotion once again when he spoke the words she had been longing to hear from him for so long. Reaching up to him, she kissed his lips softly before drawing away to bury her face in his neck. "I love you too," she whispered before the tears started to flow again. They were together, healing each other with love. The pain was finally over…
END