I never meant to…
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me, unfortunately!!!
A/n: This is a story really close to home for me, so I'd be pleased if no one flamed, as its kind of well its based on what's happened to me, I was advised to do this by my psychotherapist.
Now I have to thank Herbie for reviewing every chapter I write, thank you very much for that, it's very encouraging.
I would also like to thank coolchick207 again, if you want, just click on my e-mail address and send us one. I hope your OK; I haven't heard from you in a while, hope everything's ok. its_amy_louise_darling@hotmail.com
Thanks to shylakola thanks for saying all that nice stuff, it's cool to hear that it might have helped you understand it all a bit more.
Thanks to my 5 mates who are the basis of Ron, Emma, Manjit, Claire, Jennifer and Steph all of whom I owe a great deal of thanks to, for all there support and their friendship, and not giving up on me when I tried to push them away.
I also want to say how sorry I am for the long, long delay in this update, I finished my exams at the end of June then went away for a week with my mates. I've also had a few setbacks and really haven't felt up to writing.
O.K I finished my little thing on with the story.
The Night Before the Easter Ball
"So Hermione, are you going to show me this dress or not?" asked Ginny. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours." Hermione raised her eyebrows to this statement before erupting into fits of laughter.
"I'm not going to even comment on how bad that sounded." Ginny grinned in return to Hermione's remark.
"Oh come on Hermione, I really want to see this dress of yours."
"OK, but lets see yours first." Ginny scrambled up from her place on the bed and hurriedly left the room to collect her dress. When she reappeared she was greeted with the sight of Hermione sitting at the top of the bed, her back resting against the headboard, with an open book resting against her knees.
"Hermione!" She jumped slightly at the call of her name, and reluctantly closed the book.
"Sorry Gin, I was getting into this," she explained holding up the book before placing it on the bedside table.
"So what do you think?" asked Ginny holding the dress up to her body. The dress was an immaculate white dress with thin string like straps that proceed down her back in a criss-crossing like manner. The neckline was a cowl neck that would show a bit of flesh, but still remain respectable. The length of the dress was a reasonable length, just skimming past her knees. Hermione sat gaping at it. "Well what do you think?" Ginny asked tentatively.
"It's, it's, oh my God Ginny it's gorgeous, you're going to look absolutely lovely." Ginny began to gradually blush at her comments, until her face had become just a shade lighter than her hair.
"Well come on show me your dress." Hermione slowly got up from the bed and headed towards her trunk.
"It's nothing compared to yours" she explained as she found the object she was looking for. She slowly and carefully lifted a blue dress from the trunk. The dress in question was of a periwinkle blue, with only one strap made of a chain of flowers, that travelled from one side of the dress across to the back of the dress's opposing side. The dress it self was a fairly straight cut that would reach Hermione's ankles. It was of a simple yet elegant look and cut.
"You're going to look beautiful Hermione. Oh I really can't wait until tomorrow night now, I'm so excited aren't you?" Hermione nodded her head while Ginny continued talking hurriedly about the approaching Ball. "…And can you believe Harry asked me? I was so thrilled when he did, and you and Ron, its, well its just great!" Ginny's voice had begun to get higher and higher with every sentence, as her excitement built up. Hermione smiled at the comment about her and Ron. She liked that, her and Ron. She was brought back to Earth with a far away voice bidding her a goodnight, she herself automatically whispered a goodnight to Ginny, before stowing her dress away careful, and snuggling into her bed.
"So Harry you lokking forward to the Ball tomorrow night? I mean you're taking my sister and all." Ron asked as he began to sort out his bed covers.
"You're not going to give me a lecture about going with Ginny are you? I did ask you, and you said it was fine!" Harry's voice held a hint of evident amount of worry and exasperation.
"I know I did, and no I'm not going to give you a lecture, I was just making a bit of conversation about tomorrow night." Harry let out a sigh of relief a bit too early. "Now that you mention it though, make sure Ginny has a good time. She's your responsibility for the night so make sure she has fun. You may be my best mate Harry, but she's my little sister." Ron muttered the last sentence to himself, but it was just loud enough to be heard by Harry. In return Harry saluted Ron mockingly, and was quickly hit by a flying pillow followed by the phrase "Shut up Harry!" Harry grinned and climbed into his bed.
"Are you looking forward to dancing with Hermione?" There was a hint of teasing and amusement in his tone when he asked his question.
"Are you trying to imply something Harry?" Ron's question received a quick shake of the head. "Then in that case, of course I'm looking forward to Hermione, she's one of my best friends and…"
"So she's nothing more than a friend?" Harry swiftly interrupted.
"I knew you were trying to imply something like that when you asked me the first question." He received a wide grin from the green-eyed boy in the next bed to him. "Anyhow even if what your implying was true, I wouldn't be telling you now, would I." Ron turned away quickly, hoping to hide the blush that was gradually shading his face, but Harry saw the tips of his ears beginning to turn red.
"I knew you liked Hermione as more than just a friend. It was so obvious last year when you had that huge argument with her because she went with Krum." Ron visibly stiffened at the mention of Viktor Krum's name.
"Look I'm going to this Ball as Hermione's friend, and her friend only. I have no intention on becoming anything more to Hermione than her friend!"
"Just because you have no intention doesn't mean you don't want to" Harry promptly replied.
"You know what Harry, if I had another pillow I could spare, you'd have had it thrown at your head by now. At this very moment I'm going to close my eyes and go to sleep, you should do the same." Harry nodded his head at this, and followed Ron's instruction, lying down and closing his eyes slowly driftin off to sleep.
"By the way Harry, don't even think about becoming more than a friend to Ginny!" Ron whispered into the darkness, his warning was greeted by silence, and a small smile.
"Knight to E5" was the command that echoed around the room of Professor Minerva McGonagall. The room was surrounded by silence, with the only words being spoken, being command for the two players, Minerva McGonagall and Albus Dumbledore's chess pieces. The two companions sat in a comfortable silence facing each other. Minerva had her feet tucked under her, and both hands were wrapped around a cup of hot chocolate, one of Albus Dumbledore's favourites. Albus was leaning over the chessboard carefully studying the position of each players pieces, trying to figure out Minerva's strategy, every once in a while a small pop, would indicate the need for another sherbet lemon.
"Albus?"
"Mmmm…" he replied, peering over the top of hi half moon spectacles.
"What exactly gave you the idea to host an Easter Ball this year?" Albus gave an intense, and a twinkle came into his eyes as he replied.
"To have the wonderful opportunity to dance with you Minerva." His reply was met with a raised eyebrow, and his stare was matched with a similar one over the top of her rectangular glasses.
"I meant the real and serious reason for this."
"That was the real reason, but if you want a serious one, well I thought it would be a break from the children's studies, especially with the 5th and 7th years OWLS and NEWTS approaching. The imposing threat of Voldermort was another, I mean these children won't be able to have this sort of fun soon, but those were the second reasons, with the first being able to dance with you of course my dear." The twinkle in his eyes had appeared, and his gaze slowly moved down to check the state of play. To his dismay he noticed that there was nothing left of his pieces, but his king and a castle, glancing up, he saw the radiant smirk on Minerva's face. He threw his hands up in defeat, "Don't say it Minerva, I already know."
"Don't say what?" she asked feigning innocence. "You mean don't say checkmate? Or the fact that you've lost?" her grin grew larger with each question, and his reply was a bright gleam in his eye and a broad smile. He eased himself out of the chair, and made his way towards the door, Minerva followed to show him out.
"Goodnight my dear Professor." He planted a soft kiss against her cheek.
"Goodnight Albus." He turned and began his way towards his own chambers. Minerva went to close the door, but was stopped by the sound of his voice travelling down the corridor.
"Minerva, don't forget to save me a dance," he called over his shoulder. She smiled to herself and closed the door to her rooms silently
Night of the Easter Ball
With two hours before the Ball was due to start, Hermione felt that maybe it was time to start getting ready. Lavender and Parvati had been up in the dormitory for the previous two hours, and she was hoping that by now they might have nearly finished. She closed her transfiguration textbook and vacated her comfortable red armchair.
"Where are you going Hermione?" Ron asked glancing up from the zooming pictures of wizards on brooms.
"I need to go and get ready for the Ball, or had you forgotten that it was taking place tonight" she replied. Ron opened his mouth to say something, but she was already half way up the girl's staircase.
Before she even entered the dormitory, she could hear the giggling of Lavender of Parvati, from the sound of it they were yet to finish their transformation. She quietly opened the door hoping to slip in unnoticed, however she was unable to achieve that aim.
"Hermione! Where have you been? There's only two hours left, it's going to be such a rush, let us help you." Lavender squealed as she noticed Hermione's reflection in that mirror.
"You know what Lavender, I'll think I'll be able to manage on my own, but thanks for the offer." She removed her dress from its place in the trunk, and retreated into the bathroom, catching a few whispered complaints between Lavender and Parvati.
As she entered the bathroom, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, the image was there again, she looked fat, she still looked fat. Why was she still looking fat? She didn't eat regularly and this week leading up to the Ball, she had put a special amount of effort, having eaten nothing but fruit for the past seven days. With these facts in her head she could still not figure out why on Earth she was fat. Surely by cutting out food, she should have lost the weight, but no not her. Everything always had to go the opposite way. She stops eating, and gets fatter and fatter every time she does so. She slammed her palms against the mirror and screamed, repeatedly hitting the glass mirror. The banging and scream attracted the attention of Lavender and Parvati who were outside the door as quickly as possible.
"Hermione? Is everything all right in there? What's that banging?"
"I'm fine, don't worry Parvati. I just dropped something, I've been a bit clumsy all day and that just tipped the iceberg " she quickly explained. Her explanation was met with a chorus of ohhhs from the other side of the door.
"We understand, the run up to the Ball has this affect on some people, if you need us just call" Lavender offered.
Hermione sank to the floor, her head in her hands, her shoulders began to shake, as she felt her eyes begin to fill with tears. You can't do this, Hermione thought to herself. Don't let it get to you, not tonight, tonight is just you and Ron, you can't let this ruin it. Call through the door signalled that she had been sitting against the mirror for an hour; silent tears had gradually rolled down her cheeks leaving a trail. With an hour left to go, she picked herself up from the floor and wiped her eyes and cheeks. She grabbed the dress she had hung up, and preceded to get changed.
She stepped out of the bathroom to find that both Lavender and Parvati had left; she took one last look in the mirror before leaving the dormitory. The periwinkle dress clung to her tiny figure, yet in her eyes it made her look fatter. She disregarded the image and descended the stairs; nothing was going to ruin this evening. Ron, Harry and Ginny met her in the common room. Ron gazed at her.
"Hermione, you look err… really nice" he stumbled with his words.
"Thanks Ron, so do you. Ginny you look beautiful, and Harry you're looking very handsome tonight."
"Thanks Hermione, you look lovely too" Harry replied quietly, his eyes quite wide with shock.
"Would you care to accompany me the Easter Ball Miss Granger?" Ron asked as he held his arm out.
"I'd love to Mr Weasley!" Hermione replied, playing along. She looped her arm through Ron's and both proceeded down to the Great Hall. Harry and Ginny, who were having a private discussion of their own, followed them.
"Gin? Am I the only one who thinks that Hermione looks err… well…?"
"Ill?" Ginny finished for him. "Yeah I agree, she's, well I don't know what's happened, but she's so thin. Did you see the bones sticking out of her neck? She's wasting away, what's happened to her?" Ginny's voice held a hint of exasperation, and her eyes shone with worry. Harry shook his head,
"I don't know Gin, I really don't know what's happened to her. She looks so thin, it can't be healthy." Harry whispered as they entered the Great Hall. Ron and Hermione had already seated them selves at a round table, and Ron was waving them over.
The Great Hall had been magnificently been decorated this year, most likely it was Professor Flitwick who had produced the decorations. The tables were small round ones, which seated four to a table, a candle sat in the middle acting as a light. The food was to be ordered like last years Yule Ball, through the menu. Ron had ordered pork chops, while Harry had a plate of fish and chips in front of him. Ginny had started with her lamb hotpot while Hermione still debated over her choice.
"Hermione, just pick something, Harry and Ginny are giving you funny looks" Ron whispered out the side of his mouth.
"I don't want to eat, I'm not hungry!" was her whispered reply. Her voice rose as she placed her order for a bowl of soup. She smiled across the table to Ginny who was yet to turn attention back to the meal sitting in front of her. Hermione played with her food for quite a while, dipping her spoon into the bowl, and then bringing it out again, before letting the soup fall back into the bowl. She received a nudge in the ribs, after about the tenth time of doing this action.
"Ow!" she mouthed to the offending person.
"Eat your soup then, don't play with it," Ron whispered.
"Is everything alright Hermione? You don't seem to have eaten much of that" Ginny commented, as she looked from Hermione's face to the bowl of soup, which contents still remained.
"I'm not really hungry Gin, got a bit of a stomach ache at the moment…"
"I wonder why?" was the comment she heard being muttered from the side of her. Ginny however appeared not to have heard the comment and carried on.
Maybe you should get Madame Pomfrey to look at you."
"No, no it's fine it will have gone by tomorrow I'm sure." Panic had risen inside of Hermione at the mention of taking a visit to the school nurse, she only hoped she had managed to keep the panic out of her voice. Ginny cast a worried look across to her friend.
"Well if your sure Hermione, but…" The taping of Professor McGonagall's glass calling for the pupil's attention cut Ginny off. The Hall quietened immediately and Professor Dumbledore stood up.
"I hope you have all enjoyed tonight's wonderful selection of food." Hermione noticed him look her way at this; she turned her head away from his gaze. "As I see you have all finished, I think it is time for the dancing to commence. If you would all like to stand." The staff and pupils alike stood from their seats, and with a wave of his hands, the tables and chairs had all removed themselves to the side of the hall, leaving a vast amount of space for the students to dance. "I would like to introduce your band for the evening, The Weird Sisters!" The applause for the band got louder and louder as each member appeared on the stage, they picked up their instruments and began to play.
"Would you like to dance Ginny?" Harry asked, his face held a healthy pink glow to it, at this question. She nodded her head, and took his hand as he led her onto the dance floor.
"Well what about you Hermione, fancying dancing?" Like Harry the tips of his ears had begun to redden. Hermione smiled in return and also accepted his hand leading him on to the dance floor. On the other side of the room, Professor Dumbledore had followed his two students actions, and was now dancing with McGonagall, he kept his eye, on Ron and Hermione from where he was dancing.
"Albus what are you looking at?" McGonagall asked trying to follow his line of view. He looked down and smiled at her.
"Mr Weasley and Miss Granger over there." McGonagall looked over and nodded her head.
"Yes they both seem to be enjoying themselves tonight, I'm glad their argument didn't last long. It certainly looks like he stayed true to his word when he said he wouldn't let her push him away." She heard him mutter a yes, and when she turned to look at him, the twinkle in his eye had returned. He gazed down at her with a faint smile on his face. Her face showed a confused expression.
"Have I told you how beautiful you looked tonight?" he whispered, a red colouring started to rise in his cheeks. A tap on the arm and the muttering of
"Oh, Albus, you're such a flatterer," met his question.
As the night drew on the livelier dances, had Hermione more than slightly worn out, come on Hermione, I think we should sit this one out. Ron led her by her arm over to one of the chairs against the wall.
"Are you alright Hermione?" She nodded her head in return; her breathing had become shallow and quick. "I'll be back in a minute, I'll get you a drink." Ron rushed over to the punch bowl, while Hermione sat in the chair leaning back, and resting her head on the wall.
"Are you alright Miss Granger?" signalled the presence of Professor McGonagall who had taken Ron departed seat.
"Yes I'm quite alright thank you Professor, just need to catch my breath." Hermione felt McGonagall's eyes scan her over.
"Well if you're sure Miss Granger. How are you enjoying your evening so far?"
"It's wonderful thank you Professor, I'm really enjoying it, and Ron's been looking after me all night."
"Yes I've noticed where's he gone now?"
"His over there talking to Professor Dumbledore by the punch bowl." She pointed over to Ron and the Professors gaze followed the movement of her hand.
"Miss Granger may I ask you a question?" Hermione nodded her head, hoping that it may just have something to do with schoolwork, but felt that, that hope may have been in vain. "How are you coping Miss Granger?"
"Coping? Coping with what exactly Professor?" she knew what the answer was going to be; there was very little need in asking the question.
"Coping with your eating Miss Granger? You look lovely tonight," even if unhealthily thin McGonagall thought to herself. "Its just that I noticed you hadn't been eating for a while, and I was wondering whether you had still been unable to solve your eating problems?"
"Like I've said before Professor I don't really have any eating problems, I'm quite ok if you don't mind. If you must know however I've been suffering the odd stomach ache, and it gets worse when I eat. Therefore if I've been terribly suffering one day, I may skip the odd meal." Her explanation was met by a stern glare, and she noticed that McGonagall's lips had become increasingly thinner as her explanation continued. "I really should be getting back to Ron Professor, thanks for the err… chat." Hermione fled before McGonagall could stop her, and dragged Ron on to the dance floor. Professor Dumbledore who was carrying two glasses approached her; he handed a glass to her and took Hermione's vacated seat.
"Did you have a nice chat?" he asked innocently. He received a glare over the top of her glasses and decided to stay quiet and just drink his drink.
"Would you like to dance Minerva," he asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had fallen over them. A small smile broke out on her face as she turned to him.
"Albus you have already fulfilled your reason for hosting this dance, you only mentioned one dance." A twinkle had surfaced in hers, and Dumbledore couldn't help but grin.
"Yes Minerva, that was one fast dance, I still have not received my slow dance." She smiled in return and accepted his offered hand.
With little over half an hour left, the band had decided that the rest of the night would be dedicated to those slow romantic songs for the audience. As Hermione stepped into Ron's arms, she felt a shiver pass through her. She was so relaxed in this position. She suddenly felt Ron tense up; she looked into his eyes and followed his line of view. The glare he was giving off was aimed at his little sister and best friend. Ginny had wrapped her arms around Harry's neck, and he in turn was holding her gently at the waist. Her head was rested on his shoulder; a small grin was evident on her face as e whispered something into her ear.
"Ron, leave them alone they look happy. She's not a child anymore, she's perfectly capable of looking after herself you know." He slowly nodded his head and looked down to Hermione. His body relaxed, and he pulled her a little closer to him, squeezing her as he did so.
"You know what Hermione, I'm not sure what I'd do without your sensible reasoning sometimes." Hermione laughed and rested her head on Ron's shoulder. As the one song progressed into the next the dance floor seemed to fill with more and more couples.
"Hermione?" Ron whispered, she picked her head up to look at him, her vision blurred for a few seconds, before returning to normal when she lay her head back on his shoulder.
"Yes Ron?" Her head was beginning to spin, she felt light-headed.
"I don't know whether I told you this tonight, but I just want to say that I think you look absolutely beautiful." He lowered his head and gave her a soft kiss on her forehead. Hermione's smile grew to a grin, at Ron's words, but also trying to mask the pain she was feeling. Her had was spinning, when she opened her eyes the images around her would blur instantly. Her legs were beginning to waver, not being able to support her for much longer they gave way. Hermione fell into blackness and emptiness.
Ron felt Hermione's body slump in his arms. Her head lolled back from its place on his shoulder.
A/n: Ok that's all for this chapter. I said the Easter Ball was going to play a big part and I think it kind of has. Thanks once again to everyone who reviewed, I'm thinking of writing one last chapter to this story, and then writing a sequel that deals with Hermione recovering or something. I'd love your opinions on whether I should do that, because I don't really want to make this story a big long mission if you know what I mean. The next update should be quite soon but I have to do prep work for my A-levels this summer and add to that I'm having a family holiday to Italy I'm going on Saturday, on my 16th birthday, I'm so happy about that, hopefully though the next chapter should be really quite easy and quick to write. Ginny's dress is one that I would like, but well I'm not allowed it, and Hermione's dress is based on Kate Winslet's Oscar 2002 dress, that I would also like, but can't afford it. Any way please review; I'm always chuffed to see people's comments, especially nice ones, lets see if we can make it 105 reviews.