Overall title: Simple Geometry
Author's note: Some of this may be familiar. Parts of this story appeared as Configurations, but trust me, it's better now! Please read and review!
Disclaimer: not mine, don't own 'em, dammit! Please don't sue. Implied Ryan/Seth this chapter, more smut later. Don't read if you don't like--consider yourself warned.
Rating: R overall, just to be safe. This chapter, PG
Chapter one: Subtle
How did this happen?
That's easy. Speaking for myself, as I am wont to do, mental eye roll at the cheesy, pretentious use of the word "wont", I've been under Ryan's nearly wordless spell since he first appeared. Even when I was drunk, that first night at Holly's party when I outed him as Chino trash. Ryan thought, hell, even I thought at that point, that it was because I was jealous of Summer's attention being directed towards him, rather than towards me. But when we got back to the poolhouse that night, after he defended me, I wasn't so drunk that I didn't wonder if that was the real reason. Or if maybe it was that I was jealous of Ryan's attention being off of me, and onto someone else, anyone else.
The truth is, in the weeks that followed I watched him; I invented little ways to invade his personal space. Talking in a low voice so that he had to come closer to hear me; sitting just a bit too close while eating cereal, while playing videogames, while watching movies; using my mad subtle swimming skillz to edge my floaty chair closer to his in the pool. Looking for a sign that I was too close, and never finding it. Testing myself, hoping it was just a phase, as my mom would say, but the twitch in my cock when his breath feathered against my cheek in response to my whispered witticisms said different. I did something I'd never done before--I flirted. With another guy. With Ryan. I don't even know how to flirt, but somehow it came naturally.
I didn't think he even noticed. I wasn't at all sure that I wanted him to, but hey, I guess he's quick like that. I found that out the night we came back from TJ after getting Marissa to the hospital.
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The drive home had been a nightmare. An ambulance had carried Marissa to a clinic in San Ysidro, and Seth, Ryan, and Summer had remained silent during the drive back to Newport. After they dropped Summer off, Seth and Ryan had rolled up to casa Cohen, to find Sandy and Kirsten waiting. Still, no one had made a scene; Kirsten pulled both boys into a hug, Sandy had patted their backs and murmured something about having a family meeting in the morning, when they were all a bit more calm. Ryan went to the poolhouse, Seth, Sandy, and Kirsten went upstairs.
Seth was in bed, staring moodily at the ceiling, when he heard a tap on his door.
"Dad, c'mon, I'm tired, OK?"
In response, the door swung open and Seth turned over to see Ryan shadowed in the doorway.
"Is it OK if I come in?"
"Yeah, sure dude, why not?"
Ryan closed the door behind him and slumped against Seth's bed. For awhile, neither boy said anything, until Seth finally spoke up softly, "Hey. Are you OK?"
"I don't know, man," said Ryan, turning to look up at Seth. "This is fucked up, you know? Everything is fucked up and I don't know what to do, how to fix it."
At that, Seth tentatively reached out a hand and stroked Ryan's hair, keenly aware that the other boy was not pulling away; aware, too, of how good Ryan's hair felt beneath his fingers. "Dude, sometimes you can't fix what's broken, and at this point the whole situation is, well, broken. But it's gonna be OK, Marissa's gonna be OK, my parents are...uh...let's just say they're, uh, willing to listen..." His advice was broken off by the sound of a harsh sob from Ryan that had Seth suddenly up and over the side of the bed, landing next to Ryan on the floor.
"Dude, what?...Really, I...you..." Ryan propelled himself into Seth then, tears falling, sobs racking his body, clutching onto him like Seth was the only thing keeping him from spiraling down into some darkness that threatened to swallow him whole.
Seth did the only thing he could do. He held Ryan, while trying to make sense of the disjointed words interspersed with sobs. Seth heard, "...looked like she was dead...all alone...my mom, too...couldn't wake her up...couldn't fix it...couldn't help..."
"Ssshhh, ssshhh, it's OK, it's alright, it's OK, it's gonna be OK..." Of all the things that Seth had ever imagined he'd be doing if or when he found Ryan in his arms, channeling his mom wasn't one of them, but it seemed right, right now; murmuring assurances while rubbing gentle circles on Ryan's back.
After a bit, Ryan sat up and wiped his eyes with the palms of his hands. His eyes were still a little unfocussed, and his voice wobbled slightly when he spoke. "God, dude, I'm sorry. I just...I thought I was dealing, but...it just hit me all of a sudden." Seth thought, I bet he's never admitted weakness to anyone before, and was thrilled, yet strangely frightened. His own voice was a little unsteady as he said, "You can stay up here, with me, if you want. I mean, maybe you want to be alone now? That's cool, too, but...the offer's there, you know, if you want it..."
Ryan smiled, and Seth's heart turned over. "Yeah, if that's OK? I can crash on the floor--can I borrow a pillow?"
"Dude, you are so not sleeping on the floor! Just get in the bed, OK? I'll sleep on the floor, alright? I mean, if it freaks you out or something..."
And Seth's heart did another strange loop around his chest when Ryan stood, pulled him up, and said, "No, it's OK."
Towards dawn, Seth awoke to the realization that Ryan was pressed very closely against his back, his knees bent behind Seth's, his arm snugly lodged over Seth's chest. His first thought was that Ryan must be cold, and he instinctively tried to rise up to grab the comforter that lay at the foot of the bed. Ryan's arm tightened, and he whispered, against the back of Seth's neck, "I'm not cold. Not now."
Seth's whole body gave an involuntary shiver, and he broke out in goosebumps. "OK."
Ryan's voice against his neck continued. "Thank you for what you did last night, Seth. Thank you for right now."
Seth suddenly flushed, goosebumps gone. "Uh, you're welcome, dude," he stuttered, acutely aware that their bodies were touching from collar bone/shoulder blade to ankle, and that he had developed an uncomfortably hard erection. Think about comics, or something...a lot...and then think about how you can get out of bed and into the bathroom without turning around.
Again, Ryan's breath on his neck. "I've seen you watching me, Seth, getting all up in my space. You're subtle, man, but not that subtle."
"Uh, OK...I'm sorry?"
"Nothing to be sorry about, Seth. You should know that by now."