Author's note: It's taken a very melancholy turn. It's making me sad. But there's a small amount of smut. And any resemblence to a similar pool scene was entirely intentional.
Disclaimer: not mine--if they were, they would not be in such pain.
Simple Geometry, chapter five: Make-up sex?
Several hours after Kirsten had wished him goodnight, Ryan was still awake, going over the situation in his mind. He looked up at the house, noting that Kirsten and Sandy's room was dark, but up in Seth's room he could see the blue glow of a computer screen. Betting that Seth was still awake, he decided that he couldn't wait any longer to try to set things right, if that was even going to be possible. Pulling on a pair of sweatpants, he stepped out onto the lawn.
And directly into Seth.
"Running away again, Ryan?" Seth's voice was quiet, and still held a trace of the anger he'd shown at the dinner table, but for the first time since he'd slammed out this morning he sounded more like his normal self.
"No, I...I was coming to find you. I wanted to apologize for this morning."
They sat down next to the pool, and Seth said, slowly, "OK, apology accepted. And mine is offered."
"And accepted."
"OK, but, dude, you're shivering. Let's go inside."
"I don't think that's such a good idea, Seth. I think we need to talk."
Seth reached out a hand and stroked Ryan's arm. "I don't want to talk now. I know this sounds strange coming from me, Seth Cohen, talker extraordinaire, but really, dude, talking is overrated, especially compared to this." He moved his hand up to Ryan's neck and pulled him closer. "I didn't know that until I met you; hence, my overdeveloped talking skills."
"Seth, I..."
"Ryan, shut up." Seth brought his mouth down, and Ryan just had time to notice that, for a guy who'd never been really kissed until the night before he was a surprisingly fast learner. Fuck, this is exactly what's not supposed to happen anymore. Then they were rolling on the ground, Seth's hands buried in Ryan's hair, Ryan clutching fistfulls of Seth's t-shirt.
The shock of the lukewarm water as they tumbled into the pool broke them apart. "Oh, shit!" Ryan gasped, and Seth started laughing.
"Dude, now we're gonna have to go inside! C'mon!" Seth grabbed Ryan's hand as they waded to the shallow end and crawled out, running towards the poolhouse.
Once inside, Seth went to get towels while Ryan stripped off his sweatpants. Seth came back with a stack of towels, shaking one out and wrapping it, and himself, around Ryan, maneuvering him over to the bed, pushing him down.
"Damn, Cohen! What's with the newfound assertiveness?" I am loving this. Why am I loving this? We can't do this anymore...
"Again with the shut up, Ryan. I'm repeating my new mantra in my head while I ravish you at the same time. I don't need your peanut gallery chatter distracting me." And with that, Seth proceeded to kiss him again, hard, wet, sloppy kisses interspersed with butterfly brushings over his eyelids. When he finally raised his head, Ryan's eyes fluttered open and he breathed, "Your new mantra? What?"
"It's a little thing called 'confidence, Cohen, confidence'. Different situation, definitely, that's not important now, but don't you think it's working?" While Seth was talking he was running his fingers up and down Ryan's torso, causing more goosebumps to break out, reveling in his power to turn Ryan into putty in his hands.
"I...yeah, it's working, but Seth..."
"Yes, Ryan. In your monosyllabic way you're asking whether I know what I'm doing, and the answer is yes. Well, philosophically yes, but experientially, no. You'll have to help me with that, starting right now. So, " nipping at Ryan's neck hard enough to leave a mark, "like that?"
"Ah ha," a hitch in Ryan's voice. "Yeah."
"And how about the this," stroking Ryan's cock through the wet boxers, "and the that?" cupping Ryan's balls and giving them a squeeze.
"Oh! God, yeah...please..."
"So now you want it. Say my name, Ryan. Tell me what you want me to do to you and say my name."
"I, ah..." Ryan couldn't remember what he had wanted to say to Seth earlier, couldn't even remember how they had gotten to this point. All he could hear was that voice whispering in his ear, "Tell me what you want me to do to you and say my name..." and all the while Seth's hand was stroking him, Seth's lips and teeth were suckling his neck, his ear, biting, kissing, licking...
"Say my name, Ryan, and tell me what you want, " his voice gentle now, but insistent. "C'mon, man..."
"Seth..."
"OK, good start, and...?" he murmured, fingers moving onto Ryan's nipple, twisting it lightly while keeping up the nibbling.
"Please..." Ryan's voiced strained now with need, grabbing onto the waistband of Seth's jeans.
Seth made one of his "ooching" moves then, and was suddenly sitting up, indian style, his erection unmistakable but his expression implacable. "Say it, Ryan. Tell me."
Ryan opened his eyes, looked into Seth's, and said, thickly, "Seth, I want you...please?"
Brown eyes stared down at him. "Want me how? Want me to do what?"
Ryan threw all caution to the wind then, closed his eyes, and said, "Seth...anything you want, I want. Anything, everything, just come here, come to me..."
Seth unfolded and stretched out next to Ryan, face to face. They were both a little out of breath, a little flushed. "So, dude, this is it, this is us, right?" Seth caressed Ryan's hip, playing with the waistband of his boxers, dipping his fingers under the elastic.
"Yeah, Seth, this is us," Ryan replied, fingers working to unbutton Seth's jeans as he turned his face up for another kiss.
*****************************************
When Ryan woke up, the grey fog pressing down on the poolhouse windows made the pre-dawn stillness even more oppresive, and Seth was no longer in his arms. He looked up and saw Seth on the couch, looking out at a fog-obscured world.
"'Hey."
Seth turned his tousled head and responded, "Hey."
Ryan got up and went over to the couch. "Are you OK?"
"Yeah, I guess. Are you? I used my mad distracting 'confidence, Cohen, confidence' skillz on you, but I was just avoiding the issue, right? Now it's time for The Talk." He went back to studying the fog outside the windows.
There was silence for several minutes, and then they both began to speak at once.
"Ryan, did you mean what--" "Seth, I need to expl--"
They both stopped, then Seth made a motion for Ryan to continue.
Ryan took a deep breath, let it out slowly, keeping his eyes on the fog-shrouded window. "Seth, your mom came out to talk to me last night, after dinner," he began. At Seth's panicky movement, he continued quickly, "No, not about...that. She has no idea. She just, ah, wanted to know if we'd had a fight, and I told her that you were afraid that we wouldn't hang out much anymore, since, you know...Marissa. And she said she had faith in me, faith in both of us, that we'd work it out. No one's ever had faith in me before, Seth, until I met you and your family. I want to be... worthy of it, and I'm so scared, because I don't know how. Or, well, I think I do know, and it doesn't include...us. I mean, what we've been doing. I don't want to stop, Seth, but...I don't want to lose everything all over again." He looked over at Seth, misery written all over his face and tears in his eyes. "I don't know what else to do, but it's so hard. It's killing me."
The silence stretched, and then Seth said quietly, "It's killing me, too, buddy." He put his hand over Ryan's. "Last night, well, this morning I guess, I wanted you to say my name so I could tell myself that you weren't...that you didn't...that I wasn't just a substitute for Marissa. I'm not, right?"
Instead of answering, Ryan posed a question of his own. "Am I a substitute for Summer?"
"No, dude, so no! That's completely different! Like night and day different, like apples and oranges different, like...oh, OK...I see what you're saying..."
They sat for a long moment in the pre-dawn, holding hands and staring out into the fog. Finally, Seth asked, "Isn't there some way...I mean, there's got to be, right? Neither one of us wants to stop this...thing we have, so why do we have to? Do you think you'd be more 'worthy' to my parents if you dated a girl? Because, seriously, dude, that is just fucked up and wrong..."
"Seth, this isn't about whether I think your parents are homophobic, which I don't, by the way. But they brought me into their home, they trust me..." trust me with their precious son. "When your mom was talking to me, I just sat there knowing I was lying to her, lying by omission maybe, but still lying, and I don't want to lie to her, to them. They don't deserve that from me."
"So we all have to be miserable because you don't want to lie. Well, that's all noble and good and stuff, but tell me this, Ryan--how is not being with me even though you want to not lying, huh?"