Title: Full Circle 1/1
Author: Becky (anonyme1@mchsi.com)
Spoilers: Just covering myself here and I'll say anything up to and including A Missing Link.
Disclaimer: I don't own them. They belong to JJ and Bad Robot. I know that. Really, I do.g I'm just playing with them again for awhile.
A/N: This is for the October SD-1 Challenge. Damn Jude for coming up with such a BRILLIANT challenge idea. Thanks to Jen and Steph for the beta. Thanks to them both for their opinions on this as well.
I have been told a TISSUE WARNING is necessary.
Becky
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Full Circle"Sydney, can I see you a moment?"
"Sure," Sydney replied as she looked up from her computer. She found Dixon studying her, his expression grave. "Is everything alright?"
"Just come with me, please."
Sydney nodded, stood up, and fell in line silently behind him. She tried to think if she had broken any rules or kept anything from him lately, but she could think of nothing. Ever since his warning a few months back, she'd been open and honest about everything.
Dixon turned the corner and kept walking. She didn't know why, but she'd expected that they were going to the conference room they'd just passed. When she realized they were almost to his office, she stopped. His expression, wanting to see her – apparently alone – it had her uneasy. "What's going on, Dixon?" she asked from where she stood, several steps behind him as he reached for the door.
"Sydney," he said as he turned to face her, his tone sympathetic. He rested his hand on the door knob and looked at the floor. "Once we are inside…"
"No no no…" she moaned. She felt like she was going to be sick. There could only be one explanation. Something had happened. To whom – her father, maybe her mother, God, maybe it was Vaughn - she wasn't sure, but she was certain that whatever it was, it wasn't good. "Dixon, please, just tell me."
He shook his head and opened the door, standing aside, leaving her room to enter first. Dixon watched as a tear slid down her cheek and he felt guilty for putting her through this. "Syd, why don't you come in and have a seat."
Sydney lowered her head, swiping at the tears on her cheek. When she stepped into the office, she didn't bother looking around, she just kept her head down and took a seat and waited for her world to fall apart. Again. Still.
Dixon came in and sat on the edge of the desk facing her. "Sydney," he paused briefly before continuing, not wanting to prolong her suffering. A moment later, he looked past her, focusing on the wall behind her. "I just don't think I can do this."
"Dixon, please, what is wrong? Just tell me."
"Syd..."
Her mouth dropped open at the sound of his voice as she continued to stare at Dixon. She gripped the arms of the chair and exhaled a slow, shaky breath. Ever since she'd awakened in Hong Kong, she felt as if she was losing her mind, that she was going crazy. But until now, she hadn't been hearing voices.
"Syd?"
This time when she heard his voice, she spun around in her chair, and at the sight of him, promptly passed out.
*********
Someone was tapping her cheek lightly. She slowly opened her eyes and then quickly slammed them shut against the face her mind has obviously conjured up. No…
"Dixon, help me here," Will begged.
Dixon crouched next to the couch where they had placed Sydney when she'd lost consciousness. "Sydney." He watched as she opened her eyes again. Placing a hand under her shoulder, he helped her sit up. He reached over and grabbed the glass of water he'd gotten for her and placed it in her hands. "Are you alright?"
Sydney took a sip of the water as she regarded Dixon cautiously. "I think so." She placed the glass back on the table and shifted her gaze to the other man, trying to keep her breathing steady. "Will?" she whispered.
A silly grin settled on his face as he held his arms open to her. He didn't have long to wait before she jumped up and he was able to wrap them around her, holding her close. "Yeah, Syd."
She laid her head on his shoulder as she tightened her embrace. "You're here. You're really here," she muttered over and over and over again.
Will chuckled softly as he rested his head against hers. "I think I'm the one who's supposed to be saying that." He pulled back slightly, wanting to take a good look at her. "I just can't believe this. They told me you were dead," he stated as his hand cupped her cheek. "They said you were dead," he whispered again.
Dixon shifted uncomfortably, feeling like an intruder to their reunion. "I think I'll leave you two alone now," Dixon stated as he held out his hand to Will. Shaking it warmly, he continued. "Thank you again for being willing to come back here to clarify the information you'd given us before. I'm sorry you won't have more time with Sydney, but I'll make sure that you have as much as possible." He was almost to the door when he turned back around. "Syd, I'm sorry for the ruse, but we still have to be careful."
Sydney looked at Will and then at Dixon. "I understand." Once Dixon had gone, she turned back to Will. "They still think you are in danger?"
Will realized it wasn't as much a question as a statement. "I guess. They don't really tell you much. Sometimes I think it's better that way. But just sometimes."
"You have to go back," she stated flatly.
He nodded sadly. "Yeah."
They sat in silence for only a moment, but it seemed like an eternity. And then they both started to speak simultaneously. Sydney laughed. "You first."
He smiled briefly. It felt odd to hear her laugh again. And then he realized that it was because it wasn't the same laugh. Before her laugh was full of joy. Now it was empty. His smile disappeared and his expression turned serious. "I'm so sorry Syd."
"Why?"
He gently took her hand in his. "I was so stupid. I should have known it wasn't Fran. And then that night, the message I left on your voicemail. I should have…"
"Will, none of this is your fault. God, if anyone should have known, I should have. She had been my best friend for longer than I can remember. I don't even know when they switched. How could I have not noticed?"
She looked at their joined hands as she squeezed his a little harder. "She could have killed you." I thought she had… Sydney looked up at him, tears heavy on her lashes. "That night when I found you in the tub, I swear, I thought it was just like when I found Danny. I never even had a chance to find out if you were alive. If anyone is to blame for what happened, it's me. She wouldn't have been there if it hadn't been for me."
Will sighed, shaking his head. "Listen to us. Guess it's good to know some things don't change."
A tear slipped down Sydney's face. "You don't know how much I wish that were true."
He reached out, carefully brushing it off her cheek. He'd been told that she had no memory of the two years she was missing. And he'd known that it would be have to be hard for her. He just hadn't realized how hard.
He wiped another tear away and decided that they shouldn't be talking about the past, a past which contained things neither of them needed to be reminded of. He pulled her closer, draping an arm protectively around her shoulder. Not wanting to spend another moment going over all that had gone wrong in the past, he decided to change the subject. "God, I'll bet Vaughn was ecstatic when he found out you were alive."
"I can't really say."
He felt her stiffen and try to pull away. He just tightened his hold. "Yeah right." When he saw that she was serious, he removed his arm and turned so he was facing her. "Why not?"
"When he got there, I'd never been happier to see anyone in my life. I was so confused. I didn't know what was going on, what I was doing there, or even how I'd gotten there. But despite my confusion and despite the fact I was so happy to see him, I need you to know that my first questions were about you and Francie. I had to know that you were okay. He never told me about Fran, but he reassured me that you were okay."
"Syd…"
"Wait, please. Let me answer your question." She looked over his shoulder, unable to meet his eyes. "The reason why I don't know how he felt is because with everything that Vaughn told me that night, about the two years I'd been missing, all of it, I thought…"
"What? What did you think?"
"I didn't think it was him." She lowered her head, staring at the floor. "I actually tried to kill him," she admitted quietly.
"I'm sure he doesn't blame you. He loves you."
Her head shot up at his statement before she looked away again.
"Syd? What, have you two already had a fight?"
Sydney shook her head, still unable to look at him. Very quietly she told him that Vaughn was married.
The only word he could hear with any clarity was married. At one time, he had taken news of her impending matrimony badly. But this… After everything that happened, he was happy for her. Truly happy for them. When he glanced at her, he mistook her reaction for wary hesitation.
A smile broke across his face as he reached over and hugged her hard. "Syd, that's wonderful. I should have known he wouldn't wait long after you came back. You're married. Wow." He released his hold on her, and grabbed her left hand looking for the ring. "You're not wearing your ring. Oh, wait, you haven't told anyone here yet, have you? Is it a secret so you can keep working together?"
She didn't even try to stop the tears, not that she would have been able to. "Will, I'm not married."
"But you just said that you and Vaughn were married."
"No. I said he was married." She looked at him, biting her trembling lip. "He married someone else."
Will couldn't find the words; doubted any existed; to take away the pain he'd just inflicted. "Oh God, Syd. I didn't hear all of what you said. I'm sorry. I didn't…"
Sydney swiped at the tears. "It's fine," she lied. She forced herself to look at him, forced herself to not fall apart again when she saw that same look of pity on his face that she saw everyday from everyone else. She forced a smile and moved on to a different subject. "So, you're in the Program."
"Yeah," he answered quietly.
"Is it… Um, is it, um, okay?"
"I guess. I mean except for the part that I can't talk to my old friends and that my family thinks I'm dead. Oh and the fact that I'm scared to make friends for fear of putting their lives in danger. Other than that, it's not bad," he concluded bitterly.
Sydney chided herself for being so stupid. "Will, I didn't mean…"
"I know," he interrupted. "God, I don't want to sit here wasting time apologizing because we've said the wrong thing." He got up and angrily paced from one side of the room to the other before returning to the couch and plopping down. "It shouldn't be this hard, Syd. We shouldn't have to find a "safe" topic. And I'll be damned if I'm going to talk about the weather with you."
"Well it is a rather nice day out," Sydney answered softly.
Will stared at her like she'd grown not only a second but a third head as well. When she started laughing, really laughing, he couldn't help joining her. "Jesus, we really are a pair, aren't we?"
"Will," Sydney began as she tried to get herself back under control. She was about to say she was sorry and she couldn't do it. He was right. They shouldn't be continually apologizing. "I'm so happy to see you."
"You have no idea how great it is to be here with you. I just wish I didn't have to go back." He grabbed her hand again. "I wish I could be here for you."
"I wish you could be here too."
He smiled ruefully as he pulled her back to him and settled them against the back of the couch. "You know, and I know this is going to sound completely out there, but I swear to God it's true."
"What are you talking about?" she asked as she snuggled a little closer.
"About ten months ago, I thought I saw you."
"Huh?" She sat up, quickly turning so that she could see him.
"I know, it's crazy. I'd been thinking about you because it would have been your birthday and I know it was wishful thinking, but I thought I saw you."
"Where?"
"I was at a park having lunch. There's this great little sub place a block from where they have me working and across the street from there is this really nice park and it was such a nice day that I decided to go there. It was the kind of thing we would have done had you been there."
He took a deep breath before continuing. "So anyway, I was sitting there on a bench and I saw this woman. She had on a ball cap and her hair was hidden underneath it. She was with this guy. They were on a blanket and they had food there, but they weren't eating. They were so into each other that I think they kind of forgot it was a public park and all."
Sydney didn't know why, but she was becoming uneasy as to where he was going with all of this.
"So they started going at each other and she flipped him on his back and straddled him and she looked up and, Syd, I swear to God, it was you. I just sat there staring and she just kept staring at me too. It was about that time that the guy she was with started getting pissed about the fact she wasn't paying attention to him anymore and he knocked her cap off."
"And?"
"She just kept staring at me. I looked away when I saw that she had blonde hair, but a minute later, I looked back and she was still staring at me. It was like she knew me. It was eerie."
"How did you know it wasn't me?" Sydney asked, her chest tightening, her blood running cold.
"Like I said, she had blonde hair. But it wasn't that." He stopped long enough to take a drink of water before continuing. "I knew when she actually got up and walked over to me. Then she asked if I had a problem or if I just liked to watch. At first, her voice sounded a bit like yours, but I think that was only because I wanted it to be you. And then the guy came over and it was then I knew wasn't you. I was glad it wasn't you."
"Why? What happened?"
"He came over and just started groping her right in front of me. And she liked it. She seemed to get off on how uncomfortable it was making me. Anyway, the guy got bored and told Julia that it was time they went back to the hotel." Will looked over at Sydney and was shocked by how pale she'd become. "Syd? God, Syd, are you okay?"
She felt like she was going to be sick again. She'd seen him. She'd been thisclose to him. She'd seen what Julia was capable of. She could have killed him…
She was scaring him. Really scaring him. "Syd? Come on, don't do this to me."
Sydney shook herself from her nightmarish vision of what could have been and looked up at him. And then she threw her arms around him and held on tight. "She could have killed you," she stated quietly.
She was squeezing hard enough that it was starting to hurt. "Syd, come on, it was nothing," he stated, trying to make light of what had happened. "Syd, she didn't seem the type to just walk up to someone and kill them in cold blood. She did, however, seem to be the type looking for a little ménage à trois, if you know what I mean."
She didn't laugh. And he'd expected her to laugh. Instead, she just held on tighter and muttered something about being sorry over and over again. He pushed her back. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he gripped them tightly. "Syd, stop it. It was nothing. I just pissed a woman off because I interrupted her fun. Wasn't the first time, probably wasn't the last."
He released his hold and sat back. "Besides, like I said, she didn't seem the type to just pull out, I don't know, a knife and slit someone's throat."
She broke her hold and rushed for the private bathroom in Dixon's office. Seconds later, Will was beside her, watching helplessly as she emptied the contents of her stomach.
He waited a minute before helping her to her feet. Reaching for a glass, he poured a little water in it and then handed it to her. "Syd, are you alright?"
She rinsed her mouth out several times before finally taking a small sip of the cold liquid. "I'm okay," she croaked, her throat raw.
"Had I known this is how you'd react, I'd never have told you." He ran his hand nervously through his hair. "God, I thought you'd laugh knowing that my luck with women still sucks."
Sydney set the glass back on the counter and looked at their reflections in the mirror. "She could have killed you." I could have killed you, she corrected in her mind.
"Why would she do that? I mean, come on. With the exception of like ten people, no one knows where I am. And believe me, I'm not doing anything that would make anyone want to kill me."
"But Sloane could have found out where you were."
"Okay, for the last time, no one knows where I am. The people who are running this little show know what they are doing. I'm safe. And like I said, she didn't seem like your cold blooded killer type."
"Neither do I."
"Huh?" Where the hell had that come from?
"Nothing."
He turned her so she was facing him. "No, it's not nothing."
"Will please," Sydney begged.
He held his hands up in surrender. "Fine. But I'm standing here. Just remember that. Nothing happened. Yes," he continued before she could interrupt, "something could have happened. But it didn't. I'm fine."
She nodded and leaned against him, loosely wrapping her arms around him. When he broke the embrace and started to lead her from the bathroom, she followed willingly.
He sat her back down on the couch, watching her closely. She was still too pale, but she had more color than she'd had a few minutes earlier. He looked around the office, trying desperately to find something safe, something fun, to talk about before they came and took him back. "So what are you doing for Halloween this year?"
Sydney laughed again, but it was hollow, empty. "I think I'm just going to stay home."
"No party?"
"Who would I invite?" She hated herself for feeling like this. She hated the tears that popped up with the simple questions. She hated feeling this lost.
Great safe topic. He plopped down on the couch beside her again, running his hand along her arm comfortingly. "Syd, you used to love Halloween."
"Used to."
"So throw a party. Invite your neighbors. Invite Dixon. Hell, invite Jack," Will added, laughing. He leaned back against the couch, draping his arm over the back. "God, now that would be interesting."
He started tapping his fingers absently, pleased to see a silly grin gracing her countenance. "Do you remember that first party of yours I went to?"
Sydney's smile grew and she chuckled softly. "How could I forget? You came as Dracula."
"No, that was the year after. The first year was Frankenstein."
Her hand flew to her mouth. "Oh God, that's right. You came in with fake bolts attached to your neck, that horrible wig, platform shoes that you regretted later, and you were covered in this strange makeup that you were allergic to."
"Oh, I'd forgotten about that," Will said sheepishly.
"You forgot the fact that we had to take you to the emergency room to get you a shot so you could breathe? Not to mention the fact you had to have your ankle set because in your haste to get to the bathroom to get the makeup off, you'd stumbled and broken your ankle in those stupid shoes? Oh and for the record. Frankenstein never had an afro."
Will eyes widened and his face felt like it was on fire. "He was a seventies kind of Frank."
"Disco Frankenstein?"
No matter how he answered that, he was screwed. "You know, all I seem to be able to remember about that night is that my doctor was paying more attention to you than he was me. I'm surprised I don't have a pronounced limp."
"Danny was your doctor. It was because of you that I met Danny," Sydney remembered. "I'd forgotten that."
So had he. So had he. Before he had a chance to say anything the door opened and they both looked up, watching as Dixon, Vaughn, and Weiss all entered. "Sydney, Will. I'm sorry, but it's time."
Sydney and Will looked at each other sadly and stood up reluctantly. They walked over where the others stood. "Vaughn, Weiss. It's good to see you again."
"Hey, good to see you, Will," Weiss stated as he leaned against the door frame.
"It's good to see you too, Will," Vaughn replied, taking Will's outstretched hand and shaking it.
"Sydney told me you got married. Congratulations," Will said, hoping it sounded more sincere than he felt.
Vaughn looked at Sydney and then at the floor. "Thanks."
A moment of uncomfortable silence passed before Weiss brought it to an end. "We should probably get going."
Will nodded and turned back to Sydney. "I guess I have to go."
A tear slid down her cheek. "I know." She closed the distance between them, throwing her arms around him again and holding on. "I don't want you to.."
Vaughn shifted uncomfortably as he watched them, but he couldn't take his eyes off the pair. When he heard Will telling Sydney how he wished she would be able to call him whenever, his heart broke.
"Even if I can't see you or talk to you, I know that you're alive. That's what matters. Just promise me that you'll be careful and that you'll take care of yourself."
"I will," Will promised. "You need to promise me the same thing."
"I'll try."
"No, Syd. Not try. You will. Just remember that you're alive. Don't take it for granted. Don't forget to live."
She agreed quietly as Dixon cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, but you really need to get going."
Will hugged Sydney for just a little longer. "I can't say it, Syd."
She swallowed hard, breaking their embrace. "Neither can I." She watched as he started to turn away and then turned back.
He waited, making sure she was looking at him. "I love you. You know that right?"
"Yeah." She smiled at him, a sad smile that broke his heart. "I love you too."
He smiled back at her and quickly left the room, knowing that if he lingered for even a second, they would have to drag him away.
Vaughn watched as Weiss followed Will before turning to Dixon. He couldn't look at Sydney, not while she was in so much pain, not while he was unable to do anything to make it better. "I'll let you know when we get back."
"That's fine," Dixon replied. Waiting only until Vaughn had gone, Dixon faced Sydney. "Syd, why don't you call it a day?"
"Do you know where my dad is? I need to talk to him."
Sometimes her refusal to give herself a break really irritated him. "Jack? I just saw him. He was on his way to get some coffee."
Sydney started to leave, only to find herself being held back. "Sydney, stay here. I'll go get him. And I'm going to make it an order that he take you home." She started to object, but he just held his hand up, stopping whatever protestations she might have uttered. "It's an order, Sydney. And I don't want to see you back in here until Monday. Is that understood?"
"Yes," she answered, wondering if he knew that a weekend alone was not what she needed.
"Good. I'll go find Jack."
"Thanks." She walked back to the couch and sat down and waited for her father.
********
All she'd told him when he'd run into Dixon's office was that she needed to talk. And that they couldn't do it there. He hadn't said another word, he'd just waited as she gathered her things from her desk and then he had led her to his car. He glanced at his watch. That had been fifteen minutes ago.
Sydney watched the people who passed in front of the car as they waited for the light to change. She wanted to tell him, to just let it all come pouring out, to purge it from her system, but she just didn't know where or how to begin.
Mercifully , the light changed and within minutes they were on the freeway. She shifted in her seat, turning so that she could watch Jack.
He glanced quickly at her and returned his attention to the road. "Honey, what is it?"
"Did Dixon tell you?"
"Tell me what?"
She sighed. "Dad, please, don't do this today. Just answer me. Did Dixon tell you."
"Sydney, I don't know what you are talking about. All Dixon told me was that he wanted me to take you home."
"And you didn't wonder why?"
Now it was his turn to sigh. "Of course I wondered why. Now the question which remains is are you going to tell me what is going on?"
"I saw Will today."
"What?"
"Dixon called me into his office and Will was just waiting in there."
He knew her well enough to know there was something she wasn't telling him. He looked up at the exit signs and quickly took the second one. Ten minutes later, he stopped the car. Getting out, he walked up to the gate, waiting for her to join him.
Sydney watched him as he stood next to the fence that surrounded the carousel. Taking a deep breath, she got out of the car, pulling her coat close as the cool wind whipped around her.
She was glad no one was here, glad that he'd chosen this place for them to talk. She joined him, and for a moment she was silent. And then she broke that silence. "He saw me."
"Well, I imagine he did if you were both in Dixon's office."
One day, she might appreciate his attempt at humor, but today wasn't that day. "Ten months ago. He saw me ten months ago."
"Sydney, think of what you're saying. Had he seen you, he would have reported it. He had to be mistaken."
"He said he was. That he was glad that it wasn't me. But he was wrong, Dad, He was wrong. He did see me. He just didn't see me."
The full weight of what she was saying registered quickly. "He saw Julia."
Tears ran down her face unchecked. "He saw Julia." She went into his comforting embrace willingly. "Dad," she sobbed against his chest, "I could have killed him. He told me that she, I, came up to him and stood right in front of him."
"Honey, he was probably mistaken. That's all."
She stepped back. "It wasn't a mistake. It was me. He told me that the guy called her, called me, Julia. It couldn't have been a mistake. It couldn't have just been a coincidence."
Jack led her to the bench and sat her down. "Sydney, if what you are saying is true. If Will really did see Julia, it meant nothing. If Will had been discovered and Julia had been sent to kill him, he'd be dead."
She swallowed hard. "But…"
"No! You have to stop blaming yourself for the things Julia did. You are not Julia."
"Dad…"
"Damn it, Sydney," Jack bellowed. He sat down next to her and forced her to look at him. He was about to speak when his cell phone began ringing. He reached into his jacket pocket and angrily grabbed it. "Bristow."
Sydney got up from the bench and went back over to the fence, leaning against it. In her mind's eye she could see herself at five waving at her parents from the white unicorn. And then she wondered how it all could have gone so wrong. She was still lost in thought when Jack came up behind her.
"Sydney, we need to go."
When she turned and looked at him, she saw the same expression he'd had when Vaughn had collapsed with the virus that had almost killed him. The same expression he had when he'd told her that her mother had escaped. She gripped the railing, holding on to it like a lifeline. "Dad?"
"There's been an accident."
********
Dixon was waiting for them when they arrived. Turning, he lead to way to CICU, fielding question as they went. When they arrived outside the room, he stopped and placed his hands on Sydney's shoulders. "Syd, I know that you're thinking this was a hit, but it wasn't. A drunk driver plowed into their car."
"Is he going to be okay?" she asked, her voice breaking.
"They've done everything they can. There is nothing else they can do. They're making him comfortable."
She took in what Dixon was telling her. She understood even though she wished she didn't. "Can I see him?"
Dixon removed his hands and stepped back. "Yes. He's in that room over there."
Sydney nodded and started walking. When she reached for the handle on the door, she took a deep breath, trying to compose herself. She never heard Jack ask Dixon if they had been able to reach Lauren.
********
Machines beeped. A steady, but slow rhythm that measured a life that was quickly coming to an end. She closed her eyes briefly and then she stepped forward.
She reached the bed and placed her hand along side his face. When his eyes opened, she tried to smile. "Hey."
"Hey," he responded weakly.
She found his hand underneath the multitude of blankets and squeezed it gently. Now, she tried to ignore the machines and concentrate on the man lying in the bed. "You were supposed to be careful."
"Not my fault."
He started to cough and she watched as pain clouded his eyes. "Sssh. I know."
"Syd…"
"Yes?" she asked as she combed her fingers through his hair.
"I forgot to tell you something."
"What?"
"Do you remember that semester where we had that poetry class?"
"Yeah, I do. You hated it."
"I was never good at memorizing things."
"I remember. You were scared about having to do the recitation at the end of the semester."
"Do you still remember the one I chose to do?"
She nodded, no longer trusting her voice.
"When I was in the hospital after you, I guess disappeared, I had a lot of time on my hands."
The monitors beeped erratically as Will winced in pain. A moment later they returned to a semi-normal rhythm again. Sydney waited for a moment before she said his name.
"Yeah, Syd?"
She needed to keep him talking. "You were telling me about when you were in the hospital after I disappeared. What does that have to do with the poetry class we took?"
He smiled. "Yeah, that. I finally got it right?"
"What are you talking about? Got what right?"
"The beginning of the poem."
He closed his eyes again and she took the opportunity to dry her eyes. "You did?"
"Uh huh. Wanna hear?"
"Will, really, you should save your strength."
"Please Syd, I want to prove it to you."
"Okay."
"'Do not go gentle into that good night. Old age should burn and rave at the close of day. Rage, rage against the dying of the light..'"
Sydney listened as he recited the remainder of the poem, each word in its proper place. "You did it," she stated proudly when he'd finished.
"I don't know why I wanted you to know that, but I did."
"You should rest."
"Maybe you're right. I'm kind of tired." He squeezed her hand. "Stay?"
She swallowed the lump in her throat. "I'm not going anywhere."
"'Kay."
Sydney was about to grab a chair when she heard him inhale sharply. "Will?"
"Syd, I still don't want to say it."
"What? What are you talking about?"
"But I have to. I know I have to."
"Will, don't. Just rest. Please." The heart monitor beeped erratically. She felt him tugging on her hand, trying to get her attention. She couldn't hear him over the machines so she leaned closer. And then she heard him.
She saw him close his eyes again and then he smiled. And then the heart monitor flat-lined.
Sydney allowed herself to be pushed aside as doctors and nurses rushed in. She kept backing away until she'd found herself against the wall. When she heard them call a time of death, she slid to the floor and cried.
********
Jack walked into the room after the doctors had left. He found his daughter still sitting on the floor. Going to her, he crouched before her. "Sydney?"
At first she didn't move, so he tried again. And again. And again.
She finally heard him through the haze of grief that had gripped her. "Daddy?"
"Yeah, honey. Come on. We need to get you home."
She nodded silently and allowed herself to be helped to her feet. As they passed the bed, Sydney stopped. Walking over to it, she leaned over and placed a kiss on his cheek. And then she did what she hoped she'd never have to do. She said goodbye.
********
She stood at the edge of the cliffs overlooking the ocean. She remembered the last time she'd been here. The last time the four of them had been here. And she realized that with Will's death, the circle that had begun with Danny was now closed. They were all gone. All her ties to a normal life were now gone.
She removed the lid from the urn and prepared to let the wind take his ashes. His family wasn't there. They'd already buried their son and brother once. When Dixon had told her that they would not be told, she had agreed that it was for the best.
But the one thing she couldn't allow was for him to be put in the ground under an assumed name. He deserved more than that. So she was here with him for the last time.
Jack had asked if she had wanted him there with her. Weiss, who had seen the accident happen and had been powerless to do anything to prevent it, had asked the same thing. Before she had left home earlier, she'd had a call from Vaughn. He hadn't asked if she had wanted company, but then again, she knew he wouldn't. Couldn't.
She had told them all that she needed to do this alone. She knew she'd have calls to make when she returned as well as making a trip to the hospital to see Vaughn. She'd promised him that much before ending the call.
He'd been lucky. Everyone had said so. She still felt guilty about the fact she hadn't even known he'd been injured as well until two days later when Weiss had stopped by her apartment to tell her that they were moving him to a regular room.
She watched as the sun began to sink, the colors of the coming sunset magnificent. It had always been his favorite time of day. It only made sense that she do this now.
She tilted the marble container until the ashes were at the lip. And then she slowly began to up end it, allowing them to be carried on the salt air. When the jar was empty, she replaced the lid and said a final goodbye before getting back in her car and heading home.
~~~~Fin~~~~~