Lost Identity
Chapter Nine
London felt as if she was wrapped in warmth and darkness. Her mind felt wrapped in cotton, as if she was deeply asleep. Slowly things in her mind start taking shape as her senses slowly started to come back to her. Was it early? Late? She couldn't shake the nagging feeling in the back of her mind that something's not right. Did she oversleep?
Her mind still felt clouded, fuzzy. She tried to think back to what she last did, but it wouldn't come to her. Was she working? No, Professor Xavier had given her the day off; there were no new scheduled upgrades until Remy came back with the parts and circuitry she needed.
She had just come back from Toronto. Lena had broken up with her. Drunkenly broken up with her. They had driven back. She had gone to bed. She was thirsty and had gone to get a drink of water. In the kitchen, she turned around and
Burst. There was a great shock, a shattering in her chest. She was scared, and the pain wouldn't stop as she tried and tried to control it.
Why can't I move? She couldn't feel or see or hear, and the fear and memories just kept coming. She writhed, trying to move, to find a way out of this horrible nothingness.
Calm down, I'm here. Centre yourself. It's all right.
Xavier. It couldn't be anyone else. Like a slight pressure, his mind is reassuring but she still can't fight the hysteria that is threatening her.
"Wha-?" she tried to speak, and couldn't.
Calm down. This is all in your mind. Hank gave you painkillers and sedatives. They're blocking your senses. Hank says that you may come out of it in a few hours. Your mind is active, but your body needs its rest. It's had a rough time.
"But what about… how can I fix this if I'm stuck in this limbo?"
We are working on that. Hank and Jean have stabilized your body for now. Can you tell me what happened last night?
She paused, conjuring up images of what happened – not only the scare, but the changes in the rest of her body – and tried to display them so what the Professor could see them.
I will inform the doctor of what happened. Try and rest – you'll need your strength to help us reverse the damage later on.
And just like that he was gone. And she felt very alone, and very worried.
After a long while, the light seemed to return, shining directly in her eyes this time, flashing from eye to eye. She closed her eyes until she thought it was gone, and was startled to see a bright blue mass over her head, waving a flashlight. She tried to say something, but as soon as she tried to speak, she felt something down her throat.
London, do you know where you are?
She tried moving again, becoming scared and confused, but strong hands held her down against her thrashing.
Please, don't panic. It's Charles Xavier. Do you understand me?
"Please, can I get out of here? I feel fine, really, and I want out of this… this nothingness…"
Soon, comes his gentle reply. I'm talking with Hank right now. Do you feel more awake now? She tried her best to send an affirmative. Good. Jean and me are here, shielding your mind from your body's senses. We are going to try to proceed.
London felt wary now, worried. What is really going on? She tried to feel around her, trying to figure out what could be damaged.
Stop that. Jean's voice sounded a little harsh in her mind. Different. Then the professor came back, trying to calm London's agitated nerves. If you keep up that thrashing, Hank will just sedate you again. Please, and now her voice sounded softer, gentler, try to be patient, I know it's hard…
London stopped, more out of a vague sense of someone physically restraining her body from moving, someone holding her arms down gently.
"You're holding out on me," London whispered, "Tell me, what is really going on?" At their hesitation, she continued, "I can't fight what I don't know. Please?"
Your lungs have collapsed. When you were scared last night, you unwittingly changed your body's DNA. Your bones took the worst of it, and many shattered. You have been in surgery for the last while, Hank has been working with the doctors here at the hospital to try and reconstruct your ribcage.
He paused, allowing time for that to sink in. Through whatever shields they put in her mind, London could recall the night before (or how long ago was it?), remembered the pain that split her chest in two, that spread like fire with every breath she tried to take.
"So what can I do? Just sit here? The doctor's can't say much, for something like that to happen, the damage must be…"
They cannot do much else. They have succeeded in repairing most of the damage, but you are still in critical condition. You are suspended on life support and a ventilator. What we have been trying to do is to get you to accept Logan's DNA, his powers, in the hopes that it can repair the damage. Your body hasn't seemed to take it very well. If we let you regain more of a conscious state, do you think you can trigger the change yourself?
London thought about the consequences. She's been around Logan before but unlike some people, who's DNA London was more drawn to, Logan was just a blank. But that was from a distance, and true enough, she had never really tried to imprint him before.
"I could try, but I don't know if I can."
London took the pause as an acknowledgement, but before she could say or do anything else, her surroundings became clearer. Not enough to see or talk, but she felt much more in her body than before, her senses muted against the reality of whatever room she was in.
Logan is going to take your hand now, Jean voiced in her mind. She felt a subdued touch of something on her hand, and could only assume it was him. She tried to focus her mind a little, finding it hard with two telepaths in the background. She strained to pick up something, any imprint at all, but could not get a clear enough picture through his powers.
"It's no use," she thought to them, "his own powers are blocking my imprint ability. I can't read anything."
We thought of this happening, The professor thought to her. His mind is difficult to read telepathically, this could interfere your own imprinting abilities. There is another option, one that may be easier for you, but we are hesitant to suggest it.
London waited. Anything to get her out of this mess would be fine by her.
Do you think it possible to imprint Rogue's powers?
She balked at that, more out of a shock of not considering it than it's impossibility. It would make sense; she could just suck Logan's powers out of him. She paused, remembering her own talks with Rogue. She knew of the possibility of having his psyche in her, maybe forever. But what if she died from this? That wouldn't be much of a life either. She searched what parts of her mind she could still access through the fog. Rogue's ability strand was there; it was missing gaps, but she could do it relatively easy.
"Yes. Is she around?"
Another hand touched her arm after a minute, this one lighter than Logan's. She read and re-read Rogue's DNA strand, or the bits she knew. It was a longer strand, one grafted with other powers she had grabbed from others; namely, her flight, strength and invulnerability. From the information she had, she found one part that was specifically useful, and slowly adhered it to her own DNA.
"I have parts of hers already, and I can use the part that allows her to touch herself and not be affected. If she can touch me – skin, not gloves – I can shift to read the rest of her DNA."
If it doesn't work, it could kill you. Jean's worry flooded through her before Jean could stop it, and London laughed.
"Look at me. I'm already dead."
The touch on her arm was hesitant, but London didn't feel any draining sensation like the others had described to her. It felt normal – no, a little different that normal; like instead of a regular touch, more like a connection. She didn't know if it was her state of mind, or her powers now able to imprint something, or whether it was actually a connection of their minds in some way… but London shrugged it off. Rogue's powers were surprisingly easy to imprint, due to the familiarity of the two and the half-strand that London already had of her. Maybe whenever I get out of this, we can see if we can simultaneously drain each other, or transfer info between us. Hmm…
London, focus now… She heard the professor's slightly admonishing tone, and pushed those thoughts aside. She had enough to use her powers, if she could shift them easily enough, then it would be smooth sailing.
Rogue's familiarity vanished, and she guessed that she had removed her hand from London's arm. She tried to focus again, realizing only vaguely that this was all very, very tiring. Almost slipping away from the two telepaths that monitored her mind, she began to feel exactly what her own body was going through – the lingering pain that spread through all her limbs, the agony that seemed to centre in her chest, the sudden pain and shock that seemed to throb constantly (good god, that's my heartbeat?!) –
And was abruptly pulled away from that, back to the first plane of existence she awoke to. No feeling, no sight – her senses were fully blocked again, back to the warm nothingness.
London felt a weird sense of calling… two, actually, that called her in both directions.
-If anything worked, Professor X, now might be a good time to try it.- And then London saw no more for a while.
The Professor wheeled himself out of the small operating room in Bayville General Hospital, followed by Jean and Hank. There wasn't much else to be done; now all they could do was wait.
Jean was tired from using her powers for so long, as was he. London could not have handled her own body without much stress on her mind, which was weak enough as it was. The pain would have killed her, of that he was certain. Even with the shields he and Jean had put up, still it took a lot from the telepaths to hold back that much agony. There was something underlying the problem, as well. All that pain could not have been from her injuries alone, which meant that there was something else she wasn't telling them.
When it was certain that Hank and Jean could not repair her ribcage alone, they had brought her straight to the hospital, the professor altering the doctor's memories of seeing a large blue furry doctor accompany London. The students came in the morning, desperate to know what had happened for all the adults, minus Ororo, to up and leave in the morning. Kurt, Evan and Bobby knew for sure, but even they had been strangely subdued in the morning, not talking to anyone but the first to ask what had happened with London.
He sighed. London had been unconscious for the better part of two days, the doctors doing everything they could to save her life. Even in the mini-realm the Professor had put her in, she didn't know the severity of the situation right away. She couldn't be allowed to. How do you tell a student that they are trapped in their mind while their body slowly dies?
He looked around at the select students – Scott, Rogue, Kitty, Kurt, Bobby and Remy - who were allowed to come to the hospital, sitting on the seats and the floor in the small waiting room, waiting for any news whatsoever. They looked up at him, afraid to say anything, afraid to receive bad news. Rogue looked very pale – even more so than her make up could make her look, for she was the first one to hear about what had happened, the first to yell at Kurt and the pranksters, and the first to get to the hospital. She hadn't even stopped to put on makeup.
"Did it work?" She asked quietly, trying to keep a calm face. The professor sighed heavily – he had not wanted to resort to Rogue seeing London in her state, right out of surgery and clinging to life from a machine. Rogue had stayed extremely calm during everything, for that he was proud of her. He nodded; as London began falling through the Professor and Jean's shields, returning the senses to all her body, she almost slipped away from them. Logan had quickly tried touching her, and everyone was immensely relieved when London's copy of Rogue's powers kicked in immediately. Logan had held on for quite a while, not being drained as quickly as Rogue usually could sap someone. The transfer had slowed, and eventually stopped, Rogue's powers either shutting itself off, or London shutting it off herself. But London's vitals had quickly returned to normal, and she had drifted back into a deep sleep.
"She appears to be fine. We don't know when she will wake up, but your powers did work, until she turned them off herself. She's resting now." Rogue's face, along with the other students, visibly relaxed.
"Can we see her?" Kitty asked, wringing her hands. Xavier looked to Hank, who was rubbing his eyes.
"I don't see why not. Only one person at a time though, and you have to let her rest."
The students filed out slowly, heading for her room, except for Scott who had a sleeping Jean on his shoulder. "Is she really okay? I mean, something just seems… odd about all this."
"I don't know. I agree that it is a most unusual mutation, but even I don't think a mutation should be so hard to control for a person. Or have shown up at such a young age."
"Well, when did she get it?"
"She remembers having it as far back as 5 years old, although from what I gather, it's as if her memories are incomplete, fragmented." He laced his fingers together under his chin, thinking. "Her mind is very disorganized, as if it was just thrown together randomly, with no order. It could be why she fights for complete control. I am not sure. I do know that it is much more complicated than I had previously thought."
At that moment, a breathless Kitty phased into the room, ignoring the door. They looked at her as she tried to catch her breath.
"London…" She breathed out, "She's already awake!" Hurrying to her room at the end of the long hall, they pushed through the students gathered at the door. Indeed, pacing beside the bed was London, her arms crossed and looking generally unhappy.
"How is it that you are awake already?" He asked, looking from her to Logan who was sitting in a chair beside the bed, looking at her.
"Dunno…" she mumbled, looking away. She looked fine, not as if she had just been on life support. The only sign that anything could have been wring were the bruises on her wrist and neck where bones had cracked and the beginnings of dark circles under her eyes where fatigue was showing. "Can I just get out of here?"
" 'She just woke up and she was fine,' is all she keeps telling me," Logan grumbled. Scott, getting the clue, took the students out of the room, shutting the door behind them.
"Did you take the breathing tubes and the IV's out yourself?" Hank asked, taking her arm and gently coaxing her to sit back down on the bed. She shrugged.
"I was choking on them," she said defensively. "Look, can I just leave? I don't like hospitals, and I don't like being a patient." She said crossly.
"London, I don't think you really grasp the severity of what just happened. Whether because of a loss or control or not, you could have died last night. If this is something that will happen frequently, we need to know. We want to help you," the Professor tried to reason, but she just shrugged it off
"Look, it was my fault, okay? I wasn't paying enough attention to what was going on in my body. It won't happen again-"
"But has this happened before?" Hank asked, struck. She frowned, staring at her hands. The Professor reached out to her mind, sensing the fear and the new mistrust she felt for them. She is afraid we will turn her out if it happens again, Xavier said telepathically to Hank and Logan. She was searching her memories, thinking of one time long ago, and Xavier watched the movie in her mind play out, the fragments of different times play out brokenly.
"No," She said hesitantly, and he took that new bit of mistrust and hid it from her. "There was this one time, when I was 5…" His psyche in her mind saw a house in the woods, he couldn't see where, but a third sense – a sort of background information from her own mind - knew that it was Europe. It was a small child, a girl, playing in her room, drawing pictures. The frames skipped ahead, and her mother was there, cradling her as she tried to escape a burning house. Part of the burning ceiling hit her mother, and London was dropped. As she fell, crying, her skin glowed, dark lines crawling along her arms and legs, down her back and around her sides. That memory quickly ended, as well, and she was waking up in a white hospital room. A pale man with dark hair, a doctor, then took her hand and let her through the building, past laboratories and desks. She thought this man was her father, but another part of her knew that he was back at the house, trying to get to mommy. A memory of her father, a tall grey haired man, intertwined with this memory, as if one half of the area was still a lab, the other a sunny park where he pushed her on the swings. She passed by a lab bench, wondering vaguely why she could see herself lying on the table, pale and asleep.
Charles was immediately thrown out of her mind. The images had come so quickly after that, so scrambled, that had he not gotten out then, he could have gotten lost. "…That's when I got my powers. I remember hospitals, and labs after that, and I am just not comfortable here, alright?" Xavier let go of a breath he didn't know he had held. There were more memories, one darker than those hidden underneath, of the doctor and his tests, but even though the memories were there, she didn't register them. He knew he had seen her father before, though; he even knew that she had seen him more recently, but did she know it?
"We'll go back to the Institute, then," He said to the others, seeing her look of relief and their looks of confusion. "But Dr. McCoy will be wanting to look you over as soon as we get there."
Her smile deflated a little, but she brushed it aside.
"Fine, anything to get out of here." As Logan handed a blanket, seeing as she had no decent clothes, Professor Xavier motioned Hank over.
"I've discovered something in her memories that disturbs me very much. I don't believe she is who she thinks she is."
I know. I haven't updated in … what? Almost half a year? Meh. I was ready to give up on writing this story. And I actually was going to post something, and I realized that somehow I had completely screwed up on posting the chapters for this story. I missed a chapter, one that was important to understand the next chapters. So… sorry? Anyways, it's all fixed now, I hope, and here's another chapter. Don't kill me…