"Oh my God" Buffy cried as she threw her arms around the tall handsome man
at the door.
Willow had heard the approach of a motorbike and assumed that Spike had come visiting, It was, after all the right time to expect his visit, but this was not their usual greeting.
Willow looked at Dawn, who was trying to peek over Buffys' shoulder.
Buffy let the man go and turned around to her friends, who were slowly gathering around to see what the commotion was about.
"Oh my God" Dawn breathed.
"Guys, I'd like you to meet Pike." Eyebrows raised, the phonological connection was too close to be missed, which Xander could be relied to comment upon.
"Another vampire?" he asked
"Not even. Pike was around when I first found out who I was. I saved his ass a few times, and he returned the compliment."
"So I'm guessing these guys are all in on your big secret? Man your standards have slipped!" Pike commented. "Merric would have kicked your ass."
"Merric?" Willow enquired "I recognise the name, but I just can't place."
"My first watcher." Buffy interrupted, solemnly saying. "I killed him."
"You haven't changed a bit, I see. Still blaming yourself for other peoples actions. He knew he shouldn't have interfered. There was nothing you could have done."
"He died saving me, he thought I wasn't ready and I should have been. I was the chosen one. Not him."
"Lets not get into this Buff. I want to know how you've been." Buffy stepped aside and let Pike walk through to the living room where he was pounced upon by Dawn.
"Dawnie!" Pike gave her a huge hug, "My god, you're like a teenager now!" He looked round at Buffy and sighed "They grow up so fast don't they?" Buffy grinned as Dawn whacked him one, he held his arm in mock pain, "I see that violent streak runs in the family!"
Buffy couldn't help but marvel at the sight of Pike and Dawn hugging like old friends, considering this was the first time they'd actually really met. By making Dawn her sister, the monks had really done their research, everyone who had contact with Buffy now had memories of Dawn also. "Aren't you meant to be in jail?" Dawn asked, the concept of tact obviously wasn't a strong point. "Did you escape?" She asked with all the excitement of a five year old.
"Great!" Xander commented, "So now we're babysitting a vampire and sheltering a fugitive. Are we expecting any more shady company to hide?"
"I'm not on the run." Pike looked round at Xander. Obviously he wasn't as welcomed as he thought he was going to be, "Sorry, I'm just barging in, without any invitation or anything. You need an explanation and I'll find somewhere to stay for a while."
"Don't be stupid Pike," Buffy reassured, casting one of her stern 'naughty boy' glances at Xander, who shrugged it off. "You're staying here and we don't need any explanations."
"Look, I don't want to cause any friction between you and your boyfriend. And I'm not a fugitive, I was released for good behaviour." Pike threw a crooked smile Xanders way.
"Boyfriend?" Dawn giggled, Buffy smiled.
"I'm not her boyfriend." Xander commented, "I'm sorry I don't mean to be so hostile, it's just the last 'old friend' Buffy welcomed to Sunnydale turned out to be a vampire wannabe, trying to hand Buffy over to the vamps." Xander walked over to Pike, "This isn't my house, I have no say about who comes and goes around here. Buffy seems to trust you, so that's good enough for me." Xander shook his hand, "I'm sure you'll fit right in amongst us, ex- con, ex demon, ex witch and our house vampire."
"House vampire?" Pike raise his eyebrows and turned to face Buffy,
"He's harmless, he looks out for us, we look out for him, he has a soul. He regrets." Buffy tried to explain away Spike, "He's a big help." She looked Pike in the eyes, "If it wasn't for Spike, I really don't know where we'd be."
"OK, Ok, you don't need to explain to me, I know you're not stupid. Well, obviously not as stupid as you used to be!" Pike laughed and turned to Willow "When I first met Buff she was a complete air-head! What was your ambition?" Pike paused "oh, I remember- 'to marry Christian Slater and die'." Everyone laughed. The room completely relaxed.
"So what were you inside for?" Willow asked.
"Arson." Pike replied. He looked over at Buffy, "We kicked some serious vamp ass that night." He grinned and Buffy grinned back at him.
"That was my first real big bad vamp kill, Luthos. I had no watcher because Luthos had killed him in an earlier confrontation, then he came to the Prom at my old school."
Buffy explained to the guys, re-living the night many of her old school friends had died. "He came with a mini-army of vamps, I got to kick some ass!" Pike continued the story, "Buff staked the big bad with some major cheerleader moves, and the other vamps, I took care of."
"With a little help from friends and mans best invention- fire." Buffy added. "We burnt down the school gym. Still being a minor, I got kicked out of the school and moved here. Pike not being a minor got sent down for arson."
"So we have another addition to the Scooby gang?" Willow asked, now with a lot more enthusiasm
"How long are you staying Pike?" Dawn asked.
"I don't really know," Pike told them, "I haven't quite worked out what I want to do now. I can't go back to being the mechanic I used to be, not now I know what's really going on."
"Well you're free to stay here as long as you would like to" Buffy decreed. She looked around at her friends, "That good with you guys?"
"Sure," Xander said, "Welcome to the Hellmouth Pike."
"Hellmouth? Are you saying this quiet little town is hairier than L.A?" Pike looked around at Buffy.
"Xander is right, Our quiet little town is the site of a mystic convergence of energies." Buffy quoted Giles almost perfectly, the amount of times she had heard that little speech. The first time she heard it, it had sent chills down her spine and lined her stomach with a fear so thick it had almost made her wretch. Now it almost bored her.
"Sounds heavy!" Pike looked around, "So are you fighting any big bads at the moment?"
"All quiet on the hellmouth front at the moment." Willow informed him. "But don't relax completely, things round here never stay quiet for long."
"you look tired Pike," Buffy noticed that his eyes had become bloodshot and the circles round his eye's had become a lot darker.
"Yeah, I'm pretty whacked," Pike confided, "Is it ok if I lay down somewhere?"
"You can stay in Dawns room, Dawn, you stay in mine, ok?" Dawn was so ecstatic that Pike was staying that she agreed to sleep in her sisters room. It wasn't as if Buffy spent much time in there anyway, she was always either patrolling or she was round Spikes.
Dawn always wondered how it was that Buffy had time to sleep, with earning money all day and hunting all night. "Dawn, will you show Pike to your room and sort him out some clean sheets. You might as well move some of your things into my room." Buffy asked her sister, "I would, but I have to patrol." Buffy had started to get her coat on.
The sky outside had got darker since Pike had arrived, and it was sure enough time for Buffy to go patrolling and make sure all the big bads out in the world didn't forget that the slayer was still very much alive, despite her temporarily being dead.
As Buffy walked she remembered her life before finding out who she was. She had been so normal, she would have definitely given Cordelia a run for her money in the snob stakes as well. Her friends had been the usual brainless clones that you find everywhere, the exclusive clique that think they rule the world.
As she made her way through one of the main graveyards Buffy noticed a new grave, fresh earth covering a newly buried coffin. She stopped by the grave and remembered all that had gone on, the happiness and light that had made up her after life and the cruelty of it being snatched away from her.
Buffy knelt down by the grave and touched the earth, remembering how it had smothered her as she had penetrated the lid of her coffin, and how she had to dig her way to the surface.
Lost in her thoughts she didn't hear footsteps approaching behind her.
Pain burst through her shoulders and whirled her around on the spot. She looked up at her assailant.
"God, you're rude. Can't you see I was thinking?" She cried as she stood up and stretched out her pain.
The vampire realising his mistake took a few steps backward, "erm.. m my bad," the vampire stammered, "I'll let you get back to your thoughts,"
The vampire backed into another grave stone and fell over it backwards.
"Well now you have my attention, it would be rude of me just to ignore you," Buffy walked over to the fallen vampire, "and if there is one thing I hate, its rudeness."
Buffy leant against the gravestone which the vampire had fallen over, waiting for the vampire to get back on his feet. She felt like dragging out this fight, she needed to beat out some frustration.
The vampire was soon on his feet, and the fight started, the vampire grew slightly more confident as he managed to land some blows on the slayer, as he drew back to land a ferocious punch, the slayer ducked, all the vamps weight was behind his fist, and Buffy grounded him with a hip throw. As she brought the stake down on his chest, a cloud of dust enveloped her. It hadn't been as much of a fight as she was hoping for. She got up, dusting herself off and she was aware of applause.
"bravo, slayer!" She heard Spike, but she couldn't see him. Usually his hair was a blatant giveaway as it always seemed to reflect the moonlight.
"Spike? Where are you?" She called out.
"Behind you." He tapped her shoulder and she whirled round, surprised.
Spike laughed, he loved teasing the slayer. Buffy looked up at him.
"Are you trying to get yourself killed?" She growled at him, slightly annoyed that he had managed to get up right behind her without her even noticing.
"Like to see you try!" Spike nudged her arm jokingly, Buffy started walking again, leaving Spike a few steps behind. "Something wrong?" Spike grew concerned, something was not quite right.
"Nothings wrong." Buffy told him as he caught up, walking by her side. "It's just, a blast from the past breezed into my life, and I've changed so much. I just want to be how I was then, you know without a care in the world. Sometimes I wish I didn't know who I am."
"Woah there Buffy, blast from the past?" Spike asked,
"You could call him an old boyfriend," Buffy continued, Spike cringed, another bloke on the scene. Was this competition? Did Buffy still have feelings for him?
"I see," Spike muttered, "So you've changed, he hasn't, and you want to go back to when you two were together?" Spike looked at Buffy dreading what he was going to hear next.
"I'm not expecting to get back with him, I ruined his life- he went to jail because of me, and now he knows about the sucky- necky things and all the big bads, he can't go back to a normal life." Buffy looked over at Spike realising that Spike probably didn't want to be hearing this. "It's no biggie," She told him, "I'm just remembering my old life."
Spike stopped walking and pulled her round to face him, he brushed the straying hairs from her face, thinking how soft her hair was, and how pale her skin was. She was overwhelmingly beautiful and he couldn't bear her to be upset.
"You are so special," Spike whispered, "Is your life so terrible? You have so many friends out there all the time fighting in your corner, helping you through anything they can. If you weren't the slayer, you wouldn't have Dawn as a sister. Don't regret who you are or the life you lead, and if this is so difficult for this bloke to handle then he's not worth it." Spike locked into Buffys big blue eyes, for the nano- second before Buffy looked away.
"I don't mean to sound ungrateful," Buffy told him, "I love my life, I love Dawn, I love my friends, I love you." Buffy stepped away, realising what she had just slipped out, and realising that it was actually true. "I miss my old life," She told him, before the full impact of what she had admitted fully registered.
"You love me slayer?" Spikes shock subsided as he stepped forwards, grabbing her arms. "Did you mean it?" He asked. Buffy looked down. She knew how he felt, but now really wasn't the best time to get involved with a vampire. Her past was in her face and her future was still so cloudy, did she even have a future?
"I meant it," Buffy admitted, Spike kissed her before she could continue to tell him that it was the wrong time. The kiss took her breath away and for the time in lasted, Buffy felt calm and happy.
"What the hells going on here?" An angry Xander face appeared next to them.
"Xander!" Buffy cried pulling away from Spike, "It's not what it looks like!" The six words seemed to cut Spike so deeply that his eyes filled with water, blinking them back he looked away from the two friends.
Buffy looked at Spike who had turned away, obviously hurt, and then at Xander, red with anger.
"I mean what the hell are you thinking?" Xander shouted, "Him?!" Xander pointed at Spike. Buffy didn't know what to say, she lowered her head and felt shamed. Xander calmed down .
"What are you doing here Xander?" Spike asked.
"I came to find Buffy, I wanted to talk to her about our new house guest."
"Whats wrong? Is Pike ok?" Buffy asked worriedly.
"Pike?" Spike asked, "That's the name of this blast from the past? PIKE?"
"He's fine- asleep at the moment." Xander continued, "I just wondered if you had quite lost your mind letting him stay- I mean, I've never even heard you talk about him. The name Merric rang bells, but you've never mentioned Pike!"
"I never mentioned him because I thought he hated me and I wanted to forget what I did to him." Buffy explained. In the background Spike was chuckling to himself about the name Pike. It was one of those strange coincidences that make you step back and laugh. "Look Xander, I'll come back to the house in a bit, I have things to sort out with Spike first, ok?" Buffy pleaded. "Fine, I'll leave you love-birds to it." Xander said scowling, all the time wondering why it was that Buffy never took any notice of him, first all the hassle with angel which he could have avoided, and now this.
As they watched Xander walk away, Spike knew what was coming- it was the inevitable 'Can we still be friends' speech.
"ok, Spike," Buffy sat down on a grave stone, Spike sat on the stone opposite, "What is going to happen now?" She asked.
"I'll be buggered if I know." Spike admitted, "You know I love you, and that's not going to change in the near future, so you just go and do whatever it is you have to do, come to terms with us, or get your head around it. Sort out your feelings slayer, sort out Pikey- boy and I'll still be here waiting." Spike stood up and reached out for Buffys hands, pulling her up on to her feet and giving her a hug. "You know where to find me luv, and I dare say I'll be around." Spike kissed her cheek and turned around and walked away
Buffy watched him leave and walked in the opposite direction, following Xanders fresh foot steps. She seriously needed to sort out her head. Now Pike was back in her life, all her feelings were confused. Did she still love him? It had been such a long time, so much had happened. It would be so nice to return to that life, she thought as she left the graveyard and headed home.
As soon as she walked through the door, Buffy knew that Xander had told everyone about what he had seen.
"First we talk about Spike, then we talk Pike." Xander said as Buffy sat took off her coat and sat down.
"So when did this all start with Spike? Before or after he tried to rape you?" Willow asked. Dawn was looking confused, she obviously didn't know how to feel about this. She was close to Spike before he tried to rape Buffy, but that incident disgusted her and reminded everyone that he was a monster.
"He's changed." Buffy told them, "He has a soul now."
"We are aware of that, but it doesn't change what he did!" Xander commented, "After that how could you bring yourself to be that close to him?"
"He loves me, he never meant to hurt me."
"Love? Is that what it is? Let me tell you something- I loved Anya deeply, but I never, ever tried to rape her." Xander was pacing up and down. "I think it's up to Buffy." Dawn said, Buffy looked over at her a smile briefly shot across her face.
Xander stopped pacing and looked down at Dawn, then at Willow. "What do you think Will?"
"I don't know." Willow admitted, "I agree that ultimately it's up to Buffy, but it's Spike we're talking about here, after all the terrible things he's done." Willow flushed red as she realised she was being hypocritical, "But then again," She continued, "Maybe he does deserve another chance, I mean he did go and get his soul back."
Xander sat down, defeated.
"Nothing is going on with Spike." Buffy told them, "I understand what it must have looked like, and I haven't and will never forget what he did to me. He loves me and I have feelings for him, I just don't really know what those feelings are. I think I might love him." Buffy confided.
Dawn went over to her sister and hugged her, "I love you too Buffy, and if Spike can make you happy, then who are we to deny you that?"
"Look, if you can trust him enough to love him then go for it, but can you truly say that you love him if you're embarrassed about the whole thing? If you loved him, really, you wouldn't be hiding your feelings like this." Xander said.
"Ok, Xander, I should have told you I was feeling this way, but I was confused. I still am. Can you understand that? Xander, you are one of my best friends and I love you for that, but could you please give me some room, give me some time to come to terms with my feelings. You are asking questions that I just don't have the answers to. That goes for Pike too." Buffy said. She didn't want to lose any friends over this, but she was annoyed that she had to answer all kinds of questions whenever someone new came into their lives. "I'm tired," Buffy said yawning, "I'm going to bed, maybe everything will be better by morning. Are you staying?" Buffy asked
"Yeah, I thought I'd double with Will tonight if you don't mind." Xander was feeling quite ashamed for questioning. It wasn't that he was jealous, though that used to be the case when Angel was on the scene, it was just that he was worried for his friends, he didn't want anything bad happening, not if there was any way at all that he could prevent it.
*********************
Willow had heard the approach of a motorbike and assumed that Spike had come visiting, It was, after all the right time to expect his visit, but this was not their usual greeting.
Willow looked at Dawn, who was trying to peek over Buffys' shoulder.
Buffy let the man go and turned around to her friends, who were slowly gathering around to see what the commotion was about.
"Oh my God" Dawn breathed.
"Guys, I'd like you to meet Pike." Eyebrows raised, the phonological connection was too close to be missed, which Xander could be relied to comment upon.
"Another vampire?" he asked
"Not even. Pike was around when I first found out who I was. I saved his ass a few times, and he returned the compliment."
"So I'm guessing these guys are all in on your big secret? Man your standards have slipped!" Pike commented. "Merric would have kicked your ass."
"Merric?" Willow enquired "I recognise the name, but I just can't place."
"My first watcher." Buffy interrupted, solemnly saying. "I killed him."
"You haven't changed a bit, I see. Still blaming yourself for other peoples actions. He knew he shouldn't have interfered. There was nothing you could have done."
"He died saving me, he thought I wasn't ready and I should have been. I was the chosen one. Not him."
"Lets not get into this Buff. I want to know how you've been." Buffy stepped aside and let Pike walk through to the living room where he was pounced upon by Dawn.
"Dawnie!" Pike gave her a huge hug, "My god, you're like a teenager now!" He looked round at Buffy and sighed "They grow up so fast don't they?" Buffy grinned as Dawn whacked him one, he held his arm in mock pain, "I see that violent streak runs in the family!"
Buffy couldn't help but marvel at the sight of Pike and Dawn hugging like old friends, considering this was the first time they'd actually really met. By making Dawn her sister, the monks had really done their research, everyone who had contact with Buffy now had memories of Dawn also. "Aren't you meant to be in jail?" Dawn asked, the concept of tact obviously wasn't a strong point. "Did you escape?" She asked with all the excitement of a five year old.
"Great!" Xander commented, "So now we're babysitting a vampire and sheltering a fugitive. Are we expecting any more shady company to hide?"
"I'm not on the run." Pike looked round at Xander. Obviously he wasn't as welcomed as he thought he was going to be, "Sorry, I'm just barging in, without any invitation or anything. You need an explanation and I'll find somewhere to stay for a while."
"Don't be stupid Pike," Buffy reassured, casting one of her stern 'naughty boy' glances at Xander, who shrugged it off. "You're staying here and we don't need any explanations."
"Look, I don't want to cause any friction between you and your boyfriend. And I'm not a fugitive, I was released for good behaviour." Pike threw a crooked smile Xanders way.
"Boyfriend?" Dawn giggled, Buffy smiled.
"I'm not her boyfriend." Xander commented, "I'm sorry I don't mean to be so hostile, it's just the last 'old friend' Buffy welcomed to Sunnydale turned out to be a vampire wannabe, trying to hand Buffy over to the vamps." Xander walked over to Pike, "This isn't my house, I have no say about who comes and goes around here. Buffy seems to trust you, so that's good enough for me." Xander shook his hand, "I'm sure you'll fit right in amongst us, ex- con, ex demon, ex witch and our house vampire."
"House vampire?" Pike raise his eyebrows and turned to face Buffy,
"He's harmless, he looks out for us, we look out for him, he has a soul. He regrets." Buffy tried to explain away Spike, "He's a big help." She looked Pike in the eyes, "If it wasn't for Spike, I really don't know where we'd be."
"OK, Ok, you don't need to explain to me, I know you're not stupid. Well, obviously not as stupid as you used to be!" Pike laughed and turned to Willow "When I first met Buff she was a complete air-head! What was your ambition?" Pike paused "oh, I remember- 'to marry Christian Slater and die'." Everyone laughed. The room completely relaxed.
"So what were you inside for?" Willow asked.
"Arson." Pike replied. He looked over at Buffy, "We kicked some serious vamp ass that night." He grinned and Buffy grinned back at him.
"That was my first real big bad vamp kill, Luthos. I had no watcher because Luthos had killed him in an earlier confrontation, then he came to the Prom at my old school."
Buffy explained to the guys, re-living the night many of her old school friends had died. "He came with a mini-army of vamps, I got to kick some ass!" Pike continued the story, "Buff staked the big bad with some major cheerleader moves, and the other vamps, I took care of."
"With a little help from friends and mans best invention- fire." Buffy added. "We burnt down the school gym. Still being a minor, I got kicked out of the school and moved here. Pike not being a minor got sent down for arson."
"So we have another addition to the Scooby gang?" Willow asked, now with a lot more enthusiasm
"How long are you staying Pike?" Dawn asked.
"I don't really know," Pike told them, "I haven't quite worked out what I want to do now. I can't go back to being the mechanic I used to be, not now I know what's really going on."
"Well you're free to stay here as long as you would like to" Buffy decreed. She looked around at her friends, "That good with you guys?"
"Sure," Xander said, "Welcome to the Hellmouth Pike."
"Hellmouth? Are you saying this quiet little town is hairier than L.A?" Pike looked around at Buffy.
"Xander is right, Our quiet little town is the site of a mystic convergence of energies." Buffy quoted Giles almost perfectly, the amount of times she had heard that little speech. The first time she heard it, it had sent chills down her spine and lined her stomach with a fear so thick it had almost made her wretch. Now it almost bored her.
"Sounds heavy!" Pike looked around, "So are you fighting any big bads at the moment?"
"All quiet on the hellmouth front at the moment." Willow informed him. "But don't relax completely, things round here never stay quiet for long."
"you look tired Pike," Buffy noticed that his eyes had become bloodshot and the circles round his eye's had become a lot darker.
"Yeah, I'm pretty whacked," Pike confided, "Is it ok if I lay down somewhere?"
"You can stay in Dawns room, Dawn, you stay in mine, ok?" Dawn was so ecstatic that Pike was staying that she agreed to sleep in her sisters room. It wasn't as if Buffy spent much time in there anyway, she was always either patrolling or she was round Spikes.
Dawn always wondered how it was that Buffy had time to sleep, with earning money all day and hunting all night. "Dawn, will you show Pike to your room and sort him out some clean sheets. You might as well move some of your things into my room." Buffy asked her sister, "I would, but I have to patrol." Buffy had started to get her coat on.
The sky outside had got darker since Pike had arrived, and it was sure enough time for Buffy to go patrolling and make sure all the big bads out in the world didn't forget that the slayer was still very much alive, despite her temporarily being dead.
As Buffy walked she remembered her life before finding out who she was. She had been so normal, she would have definitely given Cordelia a run for her money in the snob stakes as well. Her friends had been the usual brainless clones that you find everywhere, the exclusive clique that think they rule the world.
As she made her way through one of the main graveyards Buffy noticed a new grave, fresh earth covering a newly buried coffin. She stopped by the grave and remembered all that had gone on, the happiness and light that had made up her after life and the cruelty of it being snatched away from her.
Buffy knelt down by the grave and touched the earth, remembering how it had smothered her as she had penetrated the lid of her coffin, and how she had to dig her way to the surface.
Lost in her thoughts she didn't hear footsteps approaching behind her.
Pain burst through her shoulders and whirled her around on the spot. She looked up at her assailant.
"God, you're rude. Can't you see I was thinking?" She cried as she stood up and stretched out her pain.
The vampire realising his mistake took a few steps backward, "erm.. m my bad," the vampire stammered, "I'll let you get back to your thoughts,"
The vampire backed into another grave stone and fell over it backwards.
"Well now you have my attention, it would be rude of me just to ignore you," Buffy walked over to the fallen vampire, "and if there is one thing I hate, its rudeness."
Buffy leant against the gravestone which the vampire had fallen over, waiting for the vampire to get back on his feet. She felt like dragging out this fight, she needed to beat out some frustration.
The vampire was soon on his feet, and the fight started, the vampire grew slightly more confident as he managed to land some blows on the slayer, as he drew back to land a ferocious punch, the slayer ducked, all the vamps weight was behind his fist, and Buffy grounded him with a hip throw. As she brought the stake down on his chest, a cloud of dust enveloped her. It hadn't been as much of a fight as she was hoping for. She got up, dusting herself off and she was aware of applause.
"bravo, slayer!" She heard Spike, but she couldn't see him. Usually his hair was a blatant giveaway as it always seemed to reflect the moonlight.
"Spike? Where are you?" She called out.
"Behind you." He tapped her shoulder and she whirled round, surprised.
Spike laughed, he loved teasing the slayer. Buffy looked up at him.
"Are you trying to get yourself killed?" She growled at him, slightly annoyed that he had managed to get up right behind her without her even noticing.
"Like to see you try!" Spike nudged her arm jokingly, Buffy started walking again, leaving Spike a few steps behind. "Something wrong?" Spike grew concerned, something was not quite right.
"Nothings wrong." Buffy told him as he caught up, walking by her side. "It's just, a blast from the past breezed into my life, and I've changed so much. I just want to be how I was then, you know without a care in the world. Sometimes I wish I didn't know who I am."
"Woah there Buffy, blast from the past?" Spike asked,
"You could call him an old boyfriend," Buffy continued, Spike cringed, another bloke on the scene. Was this competition? Did Buffy still have feelings for him?
"I see," Spike muttered, "So you've changed, he hasn't, and you want to go back to when you two were together?" Spike looked at Buffy dreading what he was going to hear next.
"I'm not expecting to get back with him, I ruined his life- he went to jail because of me, and now he knows about the sucky- necky things and all the big bads, he can't go back to a normal life." Buffy looked over at Spike realising that Spike probably didn't want to be hearing this. "It's no biggie," She told him, "I'm just remembering my old life."
Spike stopped walking and pulled her round to face him, he brushed the straying hairs from her face, thinking how soft her hair was, and how pale her skin was. She was overwhelmingly beautiful and he couldn't bear her to be upset.
"You are so special," Spike whispered, "Is your life so terrible? You have so many friends out there all the time fighting in your corner, helping you through anything they can. If you weren't the slayer, you wouldn't have Dawn as a sister. Don't regret who you are or the life you lead, and if this is so difficult for this bloke to handle then he's not worth it." Spike locked into Buffys big blue eyes, for the nano- second before Buffy looked away.
"I don't mean to sound ungrateful," Buffy told him, "I love my life, I love Dawn, I love my friends, I love you." Buffy stepped away, realising what she had just slipped out, and realising that it was actually true. "I miss my old life," She told him, before the full impact of what she had admitted fully registered.
"You love me slayer?" Spikes shock subsided as he stepped forwards, grabbing her arms. "Did you mean it?" He asked. Buffy looked down. She knew how he felt, but now really wasn't the best time to get involved with a vampire. Her past was in her face and her future was still so cloudy, did she even have a future?
"I meant it," Buffy admitted, Spike kissed her before she could continue to tell him that it was the wrong time. The kiss took her breath away and for the time in lasted, Buffy felt calm and happy.
"What the hells going on here?" An angry Xander face appeared next to them.
"Xander!" Buffy cried pulling away from Spike, "It's not what it looks like!" The six words seemed to cut Spike so deeply that his eyes filled with water, blinking them back he looked away from the two friends.
Buffy looked at Spike who had turned away, obviously hurt, and then at Xander, red with anger.
"I mean what the hell are you thinking?" Xander shouted, "Him?!" Xander pointed at Spike. Buffy didn't know what to say, she lowered her head and felt shamed. Xander calmed down .
"What are you doing here Xander?" Spike asked.
"I came to find Buffy, I wanted to talk to her about our new house guest."
"Whats wrong? Is Pike ok?" Buffy asked worriedly.
"Pike?" Spike asked, "That's the name of this blast from the past? PIKE?"
"He's fine- asleep at the moment." Xander continued, "I just wondered if you had quite lost your mind letting him stay- I mean, I've never even heard you talk about him. The name Merric rang bells, but you've never mentioned Pike!"
"I never mentioned him because I thought he hated me and I wanted to forget what I did to him." Buffy explained. In the background Spike was chuckling to himself about the name Pike. It was one of those strange coincidences that make you step back and laugh. "Look Xander, I'll come back to the house in a bit, I have things to sort out with Spike first, ok?" Buffy pleaded. "Fine, I'll leave you love-birds to it." Xander said scowling, all the time wondering why it was that Buffy never took any notice of him, first all the hassle with angel which he could have avoided, and now this.
As they watched Xander walk away, Spike knew what was coming- it was the inevitable 'Can we still be friends' speech.
"ok, Spike," Buffy sat down on a grave stone, Spike sat on the stone opposite, "What is going to happen now?" She asked.
"I'll be buggered if I know." Spike admitted, "You know I love you, and that's not going to change in the near future, so you just go and do whatever it is you have to do, come to terms with us, or get your head around it. Sort out your feelings slayer, sort out Pikey- boy and I'll still be here waiting." Spike stood up and reached out for Buffys hands, pulling her up on to her feet and giving her a hug. "You know where to find me luv, and I dare say I'll be around." Spike kissed her cheek and turned around and walked away
Buffy watched him leave and walked in the opposite direction, following Xanders fresh foot steps. She seriously needed to sort out her head. Now Pike was back in her life, all her feelings were confused. Did she still love him? It had been such a long time, so much had happened. It would be so nice to return to that life, she thought as she left the graveyard and headed home.
As soon as she walked through the door, Buffy knew that Xander had told everyone about what he had seen.
"First we talk about Spike, then we talk Pike." Xander said as Buffy sat took off her coat and sat down.
"So when did this all start with Spike? Before or after he tried to rape you?" Willow asked. Dawn was looking confused, she obviously didn't know how to feel about this. She was close to Spike before he tried to rape Buffy, but that incident disgusted her and reminded everyone that he was a monster.
"He's changed." Buffy told them, "He has a soul now."
"We are aware of that, but it doesn't change what he did!" Xander commented, "After that how could you bring yourself to be that close to him?"
"He loves me, he never meant to hurt me."
"Love? Is that what it is? Let me tell you something- I loved Anya deeply, but I never, ever tried to rape her." Xander was pacing up and down. "I think it's up to Buffy." Dawn said, Buffy looked over at her a smile briefly shot across her face.
Xander stopped pacing and looked down at Dawn, then at Willow. "What do you think Will?"
"I don't know." Willow admitted, "I agree that ultimately it's up to Buffy, but it's Spike we're talking about here, after all the terrible things he's done." Willow flushed red as she realised she was being hypocritical, "But then again," She continued, "Maybe he does deserve another chance, I mean he did go and get his soul back."
Xander sat down, defeated.
"Nothing is going on with Spike." Buffy told them, "I understand what it must have looked like, and I haven't and will never forget what he did to me. He loves me and I have feelings for him, I just don't really know what those feelings are. I think I might love him." Buffy confided.
Dawn went over to her sister and hugged her, "I love you too Buffy, and if Spike can make you happy, then who are we to deny you that?"
"Look, if you can trust him enough to love him then go for it, but can you truly say that you love him if you're embarrassed about the whole thing? If you loved him, really, you wouldn't be hiding your feelings like this." Xander said.
"Ok, Xander, I should have told you I was feeling this way, but I was confused. I still am. Can you understand that? Xander, you are one of my best friends and I love you for that, but could you please give me some room, give me some time to come to terms with my feelings. You are asking questions that I just don't have the answers to. That goes for Pike too." Buffy said. She didn't want to lose any friends over this, but she was annoyed that she had to answer all kinds of questions whenever someone new came into their lives. "I'm tired," Buffy said yawning, "I'm going to bed, maybe everything will be better by morning. Are you staying?" Buffy asked
"Yeah, I thought I'd double with Will tonight if you don't mind." Xander was feeling quite ashamed for questioning. It wasn't that he was jealous, though that used to be the case when Angel was on the scene, it was just that he was worried for his friends, he didn't want anything bad happening, not if there was any way at all that he could prevent it.
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