Welcome to a new chapter.

Please keep all arms, legs, heads, hooks and Captain Jack Sparrow super action figures inside the vehicle at all times. Feel free to sample the newest addition to our Jack Sparrow merchandise: A traditional container of Kohl. And yes, Jack Sparrow himself did sample it.

Jack: [Dips finger into Kohl and wipes it over his eyes] 'Ow do I look, lass?

Lip Balm: Like a mixture between Marilyn Manson and a bruised up orangutan.

Jack: Sticks and stones, love. [I only say the first three lines because I don't know the rest. Just thought I'd tell you.]

Lip Balm: However, you are a very HANDSOME orangutan. Many of my reviewers would like to get to know you...Wink. Wink.

Jack: Would they now? [Curls mustache] Bring them here.

Lip Balm: You don't need them, mate. Just me. [Thousands of fan girls throw stones at Lip Balm]

Jack: No one can resist me charm, ol' gel. No one.

Lip Balm: But what about the Elise character. She doesn't seem too 'appy with you following' around her like the mangy cad you are.

Jack: I will woo her in the opportune moment. [NEXT TWO SECONDS]

Lip Balm

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A tired looking car swerved slightly to my left, screeching a shrill honk as a pale fist jutted out of the shaded windows, one finger protruding from the middle of the hand. I turned around swiftly, laughing as the insolent man or woman in the car shot an obscene hand gesture towards my direction. Next time I would keep my eyes on the road and not in the mass of cars next to me. I veered to the lane on the far right and parked abruptly, resulting in Jack banging his forehead on the window next to him.

"Bloody 'ell, woman," Jack cried out, rubbing his forehead feverishly. He opened his mouth to speak.

"Stay in the car," I said swiftly, interrupting him, which clearly was not the way he had planned to finish his sentence. Opening the door, I stepped outside, boots scraping along the pavement. Sure enough, there he was…William Turner, a spittin' image of Orlando Bloom himself. Dark hair, long eyelashes…blah blah blah. I had heard it all.

"You," I shouted from far away. More cars were accumulating in the road as the traffic grew worse. I walked onward, looking behind me to see a disgruntled looking Jack Sparrow smile snidely in my direction, muttering. I could make out a few words. Bitch. Strumpet. Pirates code.

I squeezed in between two cars, the inhabitants looking quite frustrated but intently aware. Yes, two middle aged women who were obviously a fan of dear eunuch boy. Policemen crowded around the man, attempting to handcuff him as William Turner bucked wildly against them. Seeing as how nothing worked, he drew a sword and pointed it threateningly at the two officers. The policemen edged away, taking out their guns and aiming at "Orlando".

"Mr. Bloom," one man said nervously. He was a skinny fellow, pale and sounded quite nervous. Perhaps he was new on the job. "Drop your weapon."

A woman cried out inside her car, waving her hands frantically, almost bursting into tears. I rolled my eyes as I walked over to "Orlando", and urged him to put his sword down.

"Put your damn sword down," I hissed. "Captain Jack's waiting in my car. If you want your dear Elizabeth, I suggest you lower your weapon before you get your bloody brains blown out."

I grabbed him swiftly by his arm, practically dragging him towards my car. The officers raised their eyebrows, but merely shrugged, obviously worn out from the days work.

I was not going to waste my time negotiating with some doughnut eating officers. I was going to get this whole bogus time travel/treasure/love story mess over with as fast as I could. And by fast, I meant in the next day. Preferably within the next hour. But that was unlikely. Damn bloody pirate. Damn him. DAMN HIM. Why did I agree to agree to this anyhow. Damn pirate.

"Miss?" Will said, walking in large strides next to me. He walked elegantly, breathing at exactly the same moments. Breathe. Step. Breathe. Step. Breathe. Step. So Jack was right, William Turner was a eunuch. "You don't happen to be a pirate, do you?"

"No," I snapped. "Let me take a wild guess, I resemble an Anamaria, you know of?"

"It's quite perplexing, actually," he said, still calm. "You look almost identical to her." He hesitated before asking another question. "Where are we?"

"In the opportune moment," I said, tired of hearing the words from his mouth. I turned around swiftly, making sure that no one was following the two of us. Orlando Bloom was quite the attraction these days. And those girls could sniff him out like a canine. Those bitches. [No offense to ANYONE. This is ELISE talking. Not me.] The coast was clear.

Upon reaching my car, I swung the back door open wide as it could go and in walked a confused looking Will. He gave me a puzzled glance before running a hand over the leathery covering over my seats. I opened my own door, stepping in and starting the car. Will gave a quick jump. He was twitchy, alright.

"Eunuch lad," Jack acknowledged. There was a slight pause before he opened his mouth to speak.

"Don't say it," I said with a sigh, driving down the road towards my house. "Rum, you want rum."

"Aye, lassie," Jack said with a roguish grin, and then turned out of the window once more. "Where to now?"

"My humble abode, Mr. Sparrow," I said slowly, looking in my rearview mirror to see Will staring off into the distance, muttering little nothings.

I heard snipets Elizabeth, pirate and Swann. Perhaps I was mad. I had two well known men in my car, sitting quietly and all muttering. Perhaps they were all talking inside my head. Perhaps I was…insane. Yes, that's right. Insane. And I was going to kick them out of my car right this instant and announce to the world that I heard voices. But frankly, losing my marbles was not the appropriate thing to say whilst sitting in a car with two armed men.

"I think we will encounter a rather shocking truth to be told there," I said swiftly, erasing the thoughts from my head. I most certainly was not mad. If anyone was mad, it was Jack Sparrow. That damn daft man.

"Oh good," Jack slurred royally, looking from his window towards my direction. "I love surprises…Drinks all around."

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Tune in next time to receive your free sample of [muffled incoherent babbling].

Jack: [Hands out kohl] There, there, don't cry now. I'll be in the next chapter. Aye, Lip Balm is forcin' me to say this. Please review and I'll give you love.

Girls: :REALLY?!

Jack: Yes. [Hands out more kohl] She forced me to say that too.

Girls: AN ACCORD. DO WE HAVE AN ACCORD?

Jack: Aye, lassies. Bring the rum.