Disclaimer: Rayne is property of Majesco and Terminal Reality. (not that I
wouldn't like to own her. (gets slapped) Ouch) LOK belongs to Eidos,
crystal dynamics and so on. I own Randy Jackass. Not that I'm proud of it.
Oh, I also own Corey and Jenny. Though they don't appear in this story.
They're not copyrighted, though.
Kudos
Blood Of Angels: They burn. Muahahahah. Ahem, yes. Glad you liked it, by the way.
Dark-Sephy: Hmm, I actually thought that it wasn't so random anymore. Thankfully, it was, and you have re-established my faith in my self. (?)
Mortalsora: Ahem, the "offer" was just a random idea. (and an excuse for me to rip the godfather off) And you're right. He does get his ass kicked alot. Maybe now that he's insane, he'll be better at fighting.
MikotoTribal: Hmm, I'm glad you like the fight scenes. I don't really think I will include Steelsoul anymore. It provides much needed attention for her, you know. And I don't feel like being the one to give it to her. By the way, she came out of Moebius' room with a "milk" beard.
Author's note: Okay, I have a question. Do any of you think that this is as funny as "The exorcist, oh wait a minute"? I personally don't know if it is, so I need you guys to decide.
Also, if anyone hates Bloodrayne, well, she is included in this chapter, so I don't know what you're gonna do.
Enjoy the chapter.
***************************************************************************
Meanwhile, in the lobby
Turel: Ya know, Dumah, not much happens at this hotel.
Dumah: Oh, I don't know, Ariel and dad fighting is kinda fun to watch.
Turel: Other than that, not much.
Dumah: Except for the occasional screams from Moebius' room. (Both of them shudder)
Suddenly, without seeing them, Kain walks past, in a sinister position. He's rubbing his hands, like evil badasses do, when they have something planned.
Kain: Soon, my plan shall come into fruition. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ahem.
Turel and Dumah look at each other.
Dumah: What the hell was that?
Turel: Dad must be losing it.
Dumah: About time. Corey went insane after 5 chapters, and we're up on 9 now.
Turel: More durable dad.
Dumah: Indeed.
Suddenly, lightning flashes, and down drops a red haired woman. She has retraceable blades on her arms, and a revealing outfit. She gets up from the floor.
Turel(Like Homer Simpson): Oh my god, oh my god, it's Bloodrayne.
Rayne: What the hell am I doing here?
Dumah: Okay, has the author been playing Bloodrayne or what?
Turel: Well, obviously he has, hasn't he?
Dumah: Horny bastard that he is.
Turel: Well, you have to admit, she does look mighty fine.
Dumah: She's still just a fictional character.
Turel: So are we, Dumah.
Dumah: Oh yeah. (wonders about the mysteries of life for some reason)
**************************************************************************
At Ariel and Raziels "hangout". Well, I don't know what else to call it.
Ariel: So, Raziel, now that the horny bastard known as Concept of a demon has brought Bloodrayne into the story, are you still interested in me?
Raziel(nervously): Yes I am, honey. You know I only have eyes for you.
Ariel: Well, technically, you don't have eyes anymore, now do you?
Raziel: No need to rub it in.
Ariel: Silence, underling.
Raziel: Yes, my mistress.
***************************************************************************
Voradors room. Or maybe not.
Magnus: I WANT MY MEAT!!
Rahab: Oh, do shut up. I'm trying to get some sleep here.
Magnus: I'M IN THE MOOD FOR FISH!
Rahab: 0_o I'm out of here!
*************************************************************************
Down in the bar.
Kain is walking around with a crazy look in his eyes. Think Jack Nicholson style insanity.
Kain: Maim.. Pain.. Destroy all!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Dark-sephy: Kain, you always get your ass kicked by Ariel. How are you gonna destroy them all?
OrpheumZero: Yeah, you probably can't even catch them.
Sylvanon: Yeah, what are you gonna do?
Kain(insanely/or like Popeye the sailor man): I'LL GET ME GOAT!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (grabs a random goat and start riding around on it.) MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA COUGH!! Ahem, yes. Time to get some fuel for me mule.
MortalSora: Great, he was supposed to go insane, not stupid.
Mikototribal: Who cares? Just get him some kind of weapon.
Kain picks up an absolutely huge axe and starts swinging it like there's no tomorrow.
Kain: HERE COMES THE KAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNN!!! ! (rides off in the distance)
Everybody else: ???
**************************************************************************** ***
In the kitchen. At night.
Umah is slicing vegetables, when all of a sudden, a scream is heard from the lobby. A very girly scream. She runs to the lobby.
Umah: What the hell is going on up here?
Moebius: It's Kain. He says he'll throw me into the dumpster with my panties down.
Umah: Say what?
Umah goes over to the typewriter, and looks at some words that are written on it: Feeling fine.
Umah: Well that's good. I guess he won't be chasing us down with an axe, then.
Lightning flashes, and Umah sees that the walls are covered with a sentence.
Walls: No blood, beer or TV makes Kain go gagagogo.
Umah and Moebius: (screams again and again)
???(like Beavis and butthead): eheheheh... eheheeheh... hehehehhee...
Lightning flashes again and the walls are covered with another writing.
Walls: All work and no play makes Kain a dull boy.
Lightning flashes again.
Walls: I'LL GET ME GOAT TONIGHT!!!
Umah: ????
???(from the shadows): How do you like it, Umah?
Umah: Kain?
Kain: No, Santa Claus.
Umah: Well, insane-Kain, or normal Kain? Oh wait...
Rayne walks into the room
Rayne: I'm NOT cleaning that up.
Kain/Umah/Moebius: (blinks for a moment, blinks again, raises eyebrow) huh?
Rayne: Never mind. (walks out again)
Kain: 0_\ Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.
Umah picks Moebius up by the legs and smashes Kain with his head.
Kain: Mighty is our Lord, he truly is the best. (falls unconscious)
Umah: We need to lock him up, Moebius. Moebius?
Moebius: Mighty is our Lord, he truly is the best. (falls unconscious)
Umah: Damn, now I gotta carry them both to the fridge. Damn. But then I'll get my revenge on Moebius. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAH! Ahem, yes. (Drags them to the fridge)
Kain: Grmblshnzonkwotghsi..
Umah: Now I'll get revenge on you, Moebius. You never should have "forgotten" to warn me about the "milk" you added to that cake.
**************************************************************************** ******
In the fridge, Kain and Moebius is waking up. Kain looks at Moebius, then gets an insane look in his eyes, and smiles madly.
Kain: TIME TO MAKE A PARADOX!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Umah(outside from the fridge): 0_o! Oooookaaayy.
**************************************************************************** ****
In Turel and Dumah's room, a nazi has appeared for no good reason at all. (No, I'm not one myself)
Turel: Who the flying hell is that?
Rayne appears like roadrunner. (You know, really fast, then stopping at the spot.) She jumps at him, and starts sucking his blood.
Turel(tense): mrm... eh... iev... hggg.. (runs off to do something that if described, would make me have to rate this fic R)
Dumah: Oh, come on, Turel, it's not so bad.
Rayne: What's wrong with him?
Dumah: He's a pervert.
Rayne: Like the author?
Dumah: No one's as perverted as the author.
Rayne: No one?
Dumah: Look, he's worse than Vorador.
Rayne: Damn. Are you sure?
Dumah: He didn't play the game again for the action only.
Rayne: Really?
Dumah: No, and he also used that particular code for a reason.
Rayne: You mean "juggydancesquad"?
Am I the only one who thinks this sequence is getting boring?
**************************************************************************** **
At the fridge. (Not in the fridge)
Mortalsora: Kain, can you hear us?
Kain: I WANT MY MEAT!!
Mortalsora: Hey, that's Magnus' line.
OrpheumZero: Open the door, Mortal.
They open the door. Inside, Kain is sitting at the bloody remains of Moebius, grinning.
Kain: I WANT ME GOAT!
OrpheumZero: Uhuh. Look, Kain, if you get your goat, and your axe, you can get vengeance on them all.
Kain: VENGEANCE! VENGEANCE FOR MY ETERNITY OF SUFFERING!
Malek: Hey, that's my line.
Kain runs at Malek, grabs him by the legs, and throw him in the trash compactor.
Malek: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGH! (is crushed)
Kain runs off, to get his goat and his axe.
OrpheumZero and Mortalsora: Whacko.
In the fridge, Moebius starts recollecting himself, terminator 2 style. OrpheumZero and Mortalsora looks at each other, then whip out the nuclear weapons from ghostbusters.
MortalSora/OrpheumZero(with evil grins on their faces): Time to die, jackass.
Randy Jackass: Were you calling?
Mortalsora and OrpheumZero shoots him.
MortalSora/OrpheumZero: No, we didn't, jackass.
Randy Jackass(weakly): No... one.. Loves me... (dies)
Moebius: I'm sure we can work something out, so you don't have to shoot me. How about this?
He strips down to his boxers, then starts disco dancing.
ZAP!
Moebius is standing on the spot, blackened.
Moebius: Maybe not. How bout some milk?
ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!
Moebius: Maybe not. How about-
ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!
MortalSora: NOTHING can save your ass.
**************************************************************************
In the hallway, Kain runs into Rayne. Literally.
SLAM!
Kain: Dawgone it, you sure are purdy.
Rayne: What. The. Hell?
Kain: Wanna dance?
Rayne: Uhh...
Kain: Come on, it will be fun.
Rayne: No thanks. I don't dance in perverted stories.
Kain: Come on, we can dance... THE PENETRADA!
Rayne: ???
Kain: It makes sex look like a CHURCH!
Rayne: o_0 SOMEONE'S been watching The Simpsons. (runs off)
***************************************************************************
Hmm, no one slices the psycho, it seems.
You know the drill, 5 reviews. And no flames. Otherwise, you'll feel my wrath.
Though I don't want flames, I don't mind constructive criticism, (although, the story IS supposed to be weird.) so don't be afraid to ask for changes in further chapters.
Hmm, this story will probably be over soon.
Kudos
Blood Of Angels: They burn. Muahahahah. Ahem, yes. Glad you liked it, by the way.
Dark-Sephy: Hmm, I actually thought that it wasn't so random anymore. Thankfully, it was, and you have re-established my faith in my self. (?)
Mortalsora: Ahem, the "offer" was just a random idea. (and an excuse for me to rip the godfather off) And you're right. He does get his ass kicked alot. Maybe now that he's insane, he'll be better at fighting.
MikotoTribal: Hmm, I'm glad you like the fight scenes. I don't really think I will include Steelsoul anymore. It provides much needed attention for her, you know. And I don't feel like being the one to give it to her. By the way, she came out of Moebius' room with a "milk" beard.
Author's note: Okay, I have a question. Do any of you think that this is as funny as "The exorcist, oh wait a minute"? I personally don't know if it is, so I need you guys to decide.
Also, if anyone hates Bloodrayne, well, she is included in this chapter, so I don't know what you're gonna do.
Enjoy the chapter.
***************************************************************************
Meanwhile, in the lobby
Turel: Ya know, Dumah, not much happens at this hotel.
Dumah: Oh, I don't know, Ariel and dad fighting is kinda fun to watch.
Turel: Other than that, not much.
Dumah: Except for the occasional screams from Moebius' room. (Both of them shudder)
Suddenly, without seeing them, Kain walks past, in a sinister position. He's rubbing his hands, like evil badasses do, when they have something planned.
Kain: Soon, my plan shall come into fruition. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ahem.
Turel and Dumah look at each other.
Dumah: What the hell was that?
Turel: Dad must be losing it.
Dumah: About time. Corey went insane after 5 chapters, and we're up on 9 now.
Turel: More durable dad.
Dumah: Indeed.
Suddenly, lightning flashes, and down drops a red haired woman. She has retraceable blades on her arms, and a revealing outfit. She gets up from the floor.
Turel(Like Homer Simpson): Oh my god, oh my god, it's Bloodrayne.
Rayne: What the hell am I doing here?
Dumah: Okay, has the author been playing Bloodrayne or what?
Turel: Well, obviously he has, hasn't he?
Dumah: Horny bastard that he is.
Turel: Well, you have to admit, she does look mighty fine.
Dumah: She's still just a fictional character.
Turel: So are we, Dumah.
Dumah: Oh yeah. (wonders about the mysteries of life for some reason)
**************************************************************************
At Ariel and Raziels "hangout". Well, I don't know what else to call it.
Ariel: So, Raziel, now that the horny bastard known as Concept of a demon has brought Bloodrayne into the story, are you still interested in me?
Raziel(nervously): Yes I am, honey. You know I only have eyes for you.
Ariel: Well, technically, you don't have eyes anymore, now do you?
Raziel: No need to rub it in.
Ariel: Silence, underling.
Raziel: Yes, my mistress.
***************************************************************************
Voradors room. Or maybe not.
Magnus: I WANT MY MEAT!!
Rahab: Oh, do shut up. I'm trying to get some sleep here.
Magnus: I'M IN THE MOOD FOR FISH!
Rahab: 0_o I'm out of here!
*************************************************************************
Down in the bar.
Kain is walking around with a crazy look in his eyes. Think Jack Nicholson style insanity.
Kain: Maim.. Pain.. Destroy all!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Dark-sephy: Kain, you always get your ass kicked by Ariel. How are you gonna destroy them all?
OrpheumZero: Yeah, you probably can't even catch them.
Sylvanon: Yeah, what are you gonna do?
Kain(insanely/or like Popeye the sailor man): I'LL GET ME GOAT!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (grabs a random goat and start riding around on it.) MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA COUGH!! Ahem, yes. Time to get some fuel for me mule.
MortalSora: Great, he was supposed to go insane, not stupid.
Mikototribal: Who cares? Just get him some kind of weapon.
Kain picks up an absolutely huge axe and starts swinging it like there's no tomorrow.
Kain: HERE COMES THE KAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNN!!! ! (rides off in the distance)
Everybody else: ???
**************************************************************************** ***
In the kitchen. At night.
Umah is slicing vegetables, when all of a sudden, a scream is heard from the lobby. A very girly scream. She runs to the lobby.
Umah: What the hell is going on up here?
Moebius: It's Kain. He says he'll throw me into the dumpster with my panties down.
Umah: Say what?
Umah goes over to the typewriter, and looks at some words that are written on it: Feeling fine.
Umah: Well that's good. I guess he won't be chasing us down with an axe, then.
Lightning flashes, and Umah sees that the walls are covered with a sentence.
Walls: No blood, beer or TV makes Kain go gagagogo.
Umah and Moebius: (screams again and again)
???(like Beavis and butthead): eheheheh... eheheeheh... hehehehhee...
Lightning flashes again and the walls are covered with another writing.
Walls: All work and no play makes Kain a dull boy.
Lightning flashes again.
Walls: I'LL GET ME GOAT TONIGHT!!!
Umah: ????
???(from the shadows): How do you like it, Umah?
Umah: Kain?
Kain: No, Santa Claus.
Umah: Well, insane-Kain, or normal Kain? Oh wait...
Rayne walks into the room
Rayne: I'm NOT cleaning that up.
Kain/Umah/Moebius: (blinks for a moment, blinks again, raises eyebrow) huh?
Rayne: Never mind. (walks out again)
Kain: 0_\ Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.
Umah picks Moebius up by the legs and smashes Kain with his head.
Kain: Mighty is our Lord, he truly is the best. (falls unconscious)
Umah: We need to lock him up, Moebius. Moebius?
Moebius: Mighty is our Lord, he truly is the best. (falls unconscious)
Umah: Damn, now I gotta carry them both to the fridge. Damn. But then I'll get my revenge on Moebius. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAH! Ahem, yes. (Drags them to the fridge)
Kain: Grmblshnzonkwotghsi..
Umah: Now I'll get revenge on you, Moebius. You never should have "forgotten" to warn me about the "milk" you added to that cake.
**************************************************************************** ******
In the fridge, Kain and Moebius is waking up. Kain looks at Moebius, then gets an insane look in his eyes, and smiles madly.
Kain: TIME TO MAKE A PARADOX!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Umah(outside from the fridge): 0_o! Oooookaaayy.
**************************************************************************** ****
In Turel and Dumah's room, a nazi has appeared for no good reason at all. (No, I'm not one myself)
Turel: Who the flying hell is that?
Rayne appears like roadrunner. (You know, really fast, then stopping at the spot.) She jumps at him, and starts sucking his blood.
Turel(tense): mrm... eh... iev... hggg.. (runs off to do something that if described, would make me have to rate this fic R)
Dumah: Oh, come on, Turel, it's not so bad.
Rayne: What's wrong with him?
Dumah: He's a pervert.
Rayne: Like the author?
Dumah: No one's as perverted as the author.
Rayne: No one?
Dumah: Look, he's worse than Vorador.
Rayne: Damn. Are you sure?
Dumah: He didn't play the game again for the action only.
Rayne: Really?
Dumah: No, and he also used that particular code for a reason.
Rayne: You mean "juggydancesquad"?
Am I the only one who thinks this sequence is getting boring?
**************************************************************************** **
At the fridge. (Not in the fridge)
Mortalsora: Kain, can you hear us?
Kain: I WANT MY MEAT!!
Mortalsora: Hey, that's Magnus' line.
OrpheumZero: Open the door, Mortal.
They open the door. Inside, Kain is sitting at the bloody remains of Moebius, grinning.
Kain: I WANT ME GOAT!
OrpheumZero: Uhuh. Look, Kain, if you get your goat, and your axe, you can get vengeance on them all.
Kain: VENGEANCE! VENGEANCE FOR MY ETERNITY OF SUFFERING!
Malek: Hey, that's my line.
Kain runs at Malek, grabs him by the legs, and throw him in the trash compactor.
Malek: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGH! (is crushed)
Kain runs off, to get his goat and his axe.
OrpheumZero and Mortalsora: Whacko.
In the fridge, Moebius starts recollecting himself, terminator 2 style. OrpheumZero and Mortalsora looks at each other, then whip out the nuclear weapons from ghostbusters.
MortalSora/OrpheumZero(with evil grins on their faces): Time to die, jackass.
Randy Jackass: Were you calling?
Mortalsora and OrpheumZero shoots him.
MortalSora/OrpheumZero: No, we didn't, jackass.
Randy Jackass(weakly): No... one.. Loves me... (dies)
Moebius: I'm sure we can work something out, so you don't have to shoot me. How about this?
He strips down to his boxers, then starts disco dancing.
ZAP!
Moebius is standing on the spot, blackened.
Moebius: Maybe not. How bout some milk?
ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!
Moebius: Maybe not. How about-
ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!
MortalSora: NOTHING can save your ass.
**************************************************************************
In the hallway, Kain runs into Rayne. Literally.
SLAM!
Kain: Dawgone it, you sure are purdy.
Rayne: What. The. Hell?
Kain: Wanna dance?
Rayne: Uhh...
Kain: Come on, it will be fun.
Rayne: No thanks. I don't dance in perverted stories.
Kain: Come on, we can dance... THE PENETRADA!
Rayne: ???
Kain: It makes sex look like a CHURCH!
Rayne: o_0 SOMEONE'S been watching The Simpsons. (runs off)
***************************************************************************
Hmm, no one slices the psycho, it seems.
You know the drill, 5 reviews. And no flames. Otherwise, you'll feel my wrath.
Though I don't want flames, I don't mind constructive criticism, (although, the story IS supposed to be weird.) so don't be afraid to ask for changes in further chapters.
Hmm, this story will probably be over soon.