TREAT OR TRICK
Like before, Final Fantasy is a trademark of Square
& Enix, while Jujyfruits is a trademark of Heide,
whatever you like it or not, eh?
It's Halloween night, with a full moon over Nibelheim,
and Yuffie, dressed as Reno of The Turks, stands near
the water tower, waiting for Aeris, Tifa and Elena. Just
then, a voice from the shadows takes the materia ninja
by surprise.)
Aeris (voice): You %@*#^&$!! It's WE!! WE!!
(Yuffie jumps up in shock, just as Aeris, dressed to look
like Cid, steps out of the shadows. Yuffie is now gasping
for breath.)
Aeris (laughing): Sorry 'bout that, Yuffers. Think I look
just like Cid Highwind?
Yuffie: Not only that, you sound like Cid. Least you don't
smoke like ol' C. H.
Aeris: Only a pig like Cid would smoke. Anyhow, you make a
fantastic Turk.
Yuffie: Amen, Aer.
(Just then, Tifa arrives, dressed like Sephiroth, complete
with the 9 foot Masamune sword.)
Yuffie & Aeris: SEPHIROTH!! AAAAAAAGGHHHH!!!!
(The gals jump in fear and start to run off.)
Tifa: Hey, it's me!! It's me, Tifa....!!
(Aeris and Yuffie stop in their tracks before
coming back to Tifa.)
Aeris: So it is....!! You sure look like the real S-man--
right down to the uniform and the Masamune.
Tifa: The sword was no problem; I had Cloud and Cid
custom forge a replica.
Yuffie: You could even fool Jenova if you could.
(laughs along with Aeris and Tifa.)
Aeris: Well, let's get started.
Tifa: Shouldn't we wait for Elena first?
Aeris: She's late as it is, and besides she can join up
after the first house. Oh, what the hey? Let's go.
(With that in mind, the gals head for the first house in
Nibelheim; Yuffie knocks on the door, which opens; behind it
is a Minnesota Fats type man with a broom in one hand.)
Yuffie: Trick or treat.
Man (in Brooklyn accent): Yo, ged outa here, you Turk!! (hic)
(Hits Yuffie on the head with his broom; Yuffie staggers off and
falls to the ground. Aeris kneels before her.)
Aeris (fearfully): Yuffie, you OK?!?
Yuffie: What an idiot!! He could've detatched my retinas.
(Spurred by her friend's plight, Aeris turns to the man.)
Aeris: What's the big idea?!? She was DRESSED to look like
one of The Turks!!
Man: (hic) Butt out, Cid Highwind!! You got some nerve, showin'
up with your (hic) stinkin' cigarettes!! (Hits Aeris on her head
with his broom.)
Aeris: Duh-h-h-h-h-h-h, that smarts!!
Tifa (stepping foward): Hey!! That was my best bud you just
beaned!! Besides, she wasn't smoking any cigarettes!!
Man: Sephiroth!! (hic) Scram, you!! (Hits Tifa on her head with
his broom.)
Tifa: Foul!! Did you see that dude give me a rabbit punch?!?
(The Brooklyn man blows a raspberry before slamming the
door.)
Tifa: What a jerk!!
Aeris: He must've been been drunk, eating locoweed, or all
of the above.
Yuffie: You'd think he'd get the idea we're dressed in costume
for Halloween, an' not the real Mc Coy. Maybe he must be
a Halloween version of Scrooge, thinkin' Halloween is
a lot of humbug.
Tifa: Could be.
(At that moment, Elena, dressed up like Vincent, runs
up to the other FFVII gals.)
Elena: Sorry I am late, but I had to help Tseng fix our
garbage disposal.
Aeris: Wow!! Elena, you look like the real Vincent.
Tifa: To quote Selphie Tilmitt, WHOO-HOO!! You
could fool even Lucreatia.
Yuffie: Say, didn't we do that bit before?
Elena: Thanks a heap. Well, let's go. An' remember--
I get dibs on some of the Jujyfruits.
(Elena heads for the house of the man with the broom.)
Yuffie: Don't go to that house, El.
Elena: Why not? Am I THAT scary? BOO!!
Aeris: No, don't go there because that man in there
will hit you on the head with a broom!!
Elena: That so? I'd like to see that bastard try it!!
(With that in mind, Elena knocks on the door which
opens.)
Elena: Trick or treeeeeeeeeat.
(The man comes out, and--SSSSSCHHHHWAAT!!--
hits the female Turk on the head.)
Elena: YEE-OUCH!!
Man: Ged lost, y' STUU----PID %@#*&^$ vampire!! (hic)
Elena: OK, turkey, you asked for it!! (Turns loose
a Ultima strike which knocks the man silly; he drops his
broom.)
Man (deleriously): Du-h-h-h-h-h-h-h, (hic) allow me
to introduce myself, my name is Mud. (Falls down
on his back.)
Tifa: And remember--Mud spelled backward
is Dum. (Steps in the house, grabs a handful
of candy from the man's candy bowl, steps out
and closes the door. From there, she and the
other gals head onward while divvying up the
candy.)
Elena: Not one crummy box of Jujyfruits?
Aeris: Maybe at the next house.
(The gals carry on with their trick or treat
trek, collecting candy from the houses of
Nibelheim; at one point, a scary howl is
heard, causing the ladies to jump on each
other.)
Yuffie: Wolves!!
Tifa: It's just Red XIII howing at the moon.
(At a distance, we see the wolf like
creature known as Nanaki, aka Red XIII
howling under the moon.)
Elena: KEE-RIPES!! You'd think he'd give
some kind of warning before doin' that.
Aeris: Least we got one house left before
we head for Rocket Town.
(The group heads for the last house; as
soon as Tifa knocks on the door, it opens.)
Tifa: Surprise!! UH!! I mean, trick or treat!!
(We see in the doorway, that it's Tidus
from Final Fantasy X, peering all around.)
Tidus: Huh? Where's the surprise?
Elena (to Tifa): Surprise?!?
Tifa: So I goofed.
Aeris (to Tidus): Hey, you're Tidus, star
of The Zanarkand Abes, and of Final
Fantasy X. What chuu doin' here?
Tidus: It's our winter home, when me and
The Besaid Aurochs finish up with the
Blitzball season. Only where's the surprise?
Yuffie: There ain't no surprise, just a slip up, eh?
By the by, how's Yuna an Rikku?
Tidus: Let's see......last time I heard, they were
hangin' 'round with Paine in Final Fantasy X2;
they should be here in a day or two. Oh,
right, your candy, sorry 'bout that.
(Tidus gives out handfuls of candy to the ladies,
and they're Jujyfruits, to Elena's delight.)
Elena: Oh boy, Jujyfruits!! At last!! Thanks a heap!!
Tidus: Anytime. Listen, if you see Cid Highwind, say "Hi"
for Cid of the Al Bhed, ok?
Aeris: We will.
(Heading through the Mt. Nibel caves, en route
to Rocket Town, the gals meet The Materia
Keeper.)
The Materia Keeper: What chuu doin' here?
It's scary in these caves.
Elena: Naturally it's scary in those caves--it's Halloween.
Tifa: We're on our way to Rocket Town.
The Materia Keeper: Be careful when you go there--
there's danger abound there.
Aeris: You mean Sephiroth, Jenova and/or WEAPON?
The Materia Keeper: No, Cid Highwind--he is in a bad mood.
Yuffie: That sucks. Now THAT is scary.
(Entering Rocket Town, Tifa, Yuffie, Aeris and Elena
approach Cid's house and knock on the door which
opens; behind it is an irate Cid.)
Aeris, Tifa, Yuffie & Elena: Trick or treat.
Cid: TRICK!!
Aeris, Tifa, Yuffie & Elena (crying, bawling and
wailing): WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cid: HEY!! Don't go &*%@#$^ cryin' to me!! You'd
be grouchy yourself if that %@*#$^& Shera
pestered you to give &^^$#@%* candy to those
*@#%$^& BRATS!! OK, OK!! Here's your ^%#*@$& treats!!
(Tosses a handful of candy to the gals, who stop crying.)
You just can't beat the system!!
Aeris: That Materia Keeper was right--you're in a bad mood.
Yuffie: Anyhow, we just met Tidus from Besaid, an' he
told me an the rest to tell you that Cid of the Al
Bhed said "Hi."
Cid: He did, eh? Tell 'ol Cid of the Al Bhed I said "Likewise."
Elena: Hey, it's that Seifer, Fujin and Raijin tryin' to toilet
paper The Shanghai Inn!!
(Sure enough, we see Seifer, Raijin and Fujin tossing rolls
of toilet paper over the inn, just making a big mess--and
already Cid is livid.)
Cid: Hey you Galbadian %#@*&^$s!! Stop toilet papering
that joint before I kick your sorry BUT-TOCKS outa here!!
(From here, Cid and the gals charge toward Seifer and
his posse, causing them to freak out.)
Raijin: YIPE!! It's Cid Highwind, y' know!! Let's beat it!!
Fujin: RATS!!
(Fujin and Rajin run off, to Seifer's chagrin.)
Seifer: Come back here, you cowards!! Oh, foo!! I never
get to have any tradition Halloween fun!! (Runs off to
join up with his posse.)
Yuffie: What an exit!!
Tifa: Toilet paper jokes suck.
Elena: So do teenage hulks that trick or treat.
Aeris: Not to mention tainted treats with razor blades
and whatnot.
Cid: While we're on the subject, you gals best inspect
your treats when you get home.
Aeris, Tifa, Yuffie & Elena: We will.
(Much later, after collecting treats all over the planet,
we see our heroines back in Nibelheim, heading for
home, which used to be The Shinra Mansion, worn out
no doubt.)
Yuffie: Boy, Halloween night was a pip.
Aeris: You said it. Boy, do my feet itch.
Tifa: I told you to use tough actin' Tinactin. Hey, check
out what's happenin' here.
Nearby, at one of the houses, we see Quistis, Selphie
and Rinoa dressed as respectively, Squall, Irvine and
Seifer.)
Rinoa: Treat or trick. OOP!! I mean trick or treat.
Selphie: Rhino, you dope!! For a Sorceress, you're one
ditzy bimbo!!
Rinoa: So I goof up, big deal!! An' 'sides, my name is Rinoa--
NOT Rhino!!
Quistis: KEE-RIPES!! Why don't you two grow up?!?
Elena: Y' know....the password is deja vu.
Aeris, Tifa & Yuffie: AAAA-MEN!!
OWARI (THE END)
P.S.: Happy Halloween to all you Final Fantasy
stalwarts!!
--Ronin.
Like before, Final Fantasy is a trademark of Square
& Enix, while Jujyfruits is a trademark of Heide,
whatever you like it or not, eh?
It's Halloween night, with a full moon over Nibelheim,
and Yuffie, dressed as Reno of The Turks, stands near
the water tower, waiting for Aeris, Tifa and Elena. Just
then, a voice from the shadows takes the materia ninja
by surprise.)
Aeris (voice): You %@*#^&$!! It's WE!! WE!!
(Yuffie jumps up in shock, just as Aeris, dressed to look
like Cid, steps out of the shadows. Yuffie is now gasping
for breath.)
Aeris (laughing): Sorry 'bout that, Yuffers. Think I look
just like Cid Highwind?
Yuffie: Not only that, you sound like Cid. Least you don't
smoke like ol' C. H.
Aeris: Only a pig like Cid would smoke. Anyhow, you make a
fantastic Turk.
Yuffie: Amen, Aer.
(Just then, Tifa arrives, dressed like Sephiroth, complete
with the 9 foot Masamune sword.)
Yuffie & Aeris: SEPHIROTH!! AAAAAAAGGHHHH!!!!
(The gals jump in fear and start to run off.)
Tifa: Hey, it's me!! It's me, Tifa....!!
(Aeris and Yuffie stop in their tracks before
coming back to Tifa.)
Aeris: So it is....!! You sure look like the real S-man--
right down to the uniform and the Masamune.
Tifa: The sword was no problem; I had Cloud and Cid
custom forge a replica.
Yuffie: You could even fool Jenova if you could.
(laughs along with Aeris and Tifa.)
Aeris: Well, let's get started.
Tifa: Shouldn't we wait for Elena first?
Aeris: She's late as it is, and besides she can join up
after the first house. Oh, what the hey? Let's go.
(With that in mind, the gals head for the first house in
Nibelheim; Yuffie knocks on the door, which opens; behind it
is a Minnesota Fats type man with a broom in one hand.)
Yuffie: Trick or treat.
Man (in Brooklyn accent): Yo, ged outa here, you Turk!! (hic)
(Hits Yuffie on the head with his broom; Yuffie staggers off and
falls to the ground. Aeris kneels before her.)
Aeris (fearfully): Yuffie, you OK?!?
Yuffie: What an idiot!! He could've detatched my retinas.
(Spurred by her friend's plight, Aeris turns to the man.)
Aeris: What's the big idea?!? She was DRESSED to look like
one of The Turks!!
Man: (hic) Butt out, Cid Highwind!! You got some nerve, showin'
up with your (hic) stinkin' cigarettes!! (Hits Aeris on her head
with his broom.)
Aeris: Duh-h-h-h-h-h-h, that smarts!!
Tifa (stepping foward): Hey!! That was my best bud you just
beaned!! Besides, she wasn't smoking any cigarettes!!
Man: Sephiroth!! (hic) Scram, you!! (Hits Tifa on her head with
his broom.)
Tifa: Foul!! Did you see that dude give me a rabbit punch?!?
(The Brooklyn man blows a raspberry before slamming the
door.)
Tifa: What a jerk!!
Aeris: He must've been been drunk, eating locoweed, or all
of the above.
Yuffie: You'd think he'd get the idea we're dressed in costume
for Halloween, an' not the real Mc Coy. Maybe he must be
a Halloween version of Scrooge, thinkin' Halloween is
a lot of humbug.
Tifa: Could be.
(At that moment, Elena, dressed up like Vincent, runs
up to the other FFVII gals.)
Elena: Sorry I am late, but I had to help Tseng fix our
garbage disposal.
Aeris: Wow!! Elena, you look like the real Vincent.
Tifa: To quote Selphie Tilmitt, WHOO-HOO!! You
could fool even Lucreatia.
Yuffie: Say, didn't we do that bit before?
Elena: Thanks a heap. Well, let's go. An' remember--
I get dibs on some of the Jujyfruits.
(Elena heads for the house of the man with the broom.)
Yuffie: Don't go to that house, El.
Elena: Why not? Am I THAT scary? BOO!!
Aeris: No, don't go there because that man in there
will hit you on the head with a broom!!
Elena: That so? I'd like to see that bastard try it!!
(With that in mind, Elena knocks on the door which
opens.)
Elena: Trick or treeeeeeeeeat.
(The man comes out, and--SSSSSCHHHHWAAT!!--
hits the female Turk on the head.)
Elena: YEE-OUCH!!
Man: Ged lost, y' STUU----PID %@#*&^$ vampire!! (hic)
Elena: OK, turkey, you asked for it!! (Turns loose
a Ultima strike which knocks the man silly; he drops his
broom.)
Man (deleriously): Du-h-h-h-h-h-h-h, (hic) allow me
to introduce myself, my name is Mud. (Falls down
on his back.)
Tifa: And remember--Mud spelled backward
is Dum. (Steps in the house, grabs a handful
of candy from the man's candy bowl, steps out
and closes the door. From there, she and the
other gals head onward while divvying up the
candy.)
Elena: Not one crummy box of Jujyfruits?
Aeris: Maybe at the next house.
(The gals carry on with their trick or treat
trek, collecting candy from the houses of
Nibelheim; at one point, a scary howl is
heard, causing the ladies to jump on each
other.)
Yuffie: Wolves!!
Tifa: It's just Red XIII howing at the moon.
(At a distance, we see the wolf like
creature known as Nanaki, aka Red XIII
howling under the moon.)
Elena: KEE-RIPES!! You'd think he'd give
some kind of warning before doin' that.
Aeris: Least we got one house left before
we head for Rocket Town.
(The group heads for the last house; as
soon as Tifa knocks on the door, it opens.)
Tifa: Surprise!! UH!! I mean, trick or treat!!
(We see in the doorway, that it's Tidus
from Final Fantasy X, peering all around.)
Tidus: Huh? Where's the surprise?
Elena (to Tifa): Surprise?!?
Tifa: So I goofed.
Aeris (to Tidus): Hey, you're Tidus, star
of The Zanarkand Abes, and of Final
Fantasy X. What chuu doin' here?
Tidus: It's our winter home, when me and
The Besaid Aurochs finish up with the
Blitzball season. Only where's the surprise?
Yuffie: There ain't no surprise, just a slip up, eh?
By the by, how's Yuna an Rikku?
Tidus: Let's see......last time I heard, they were
hangin' 'round with Paine in Final Fantasy X2;
they should be here in a day or two. Oh,
right, your candy, sorry 'bout that.
(Tidus gives out handfuls of candy to the ladies,
and they're Jujyfruits, to Elena's delight.)
Elena: Oh boy, Jujyfruits!! At last!! Thanks a heap!!
Tidus: Anytime. Listen, if you see Cid Highwind, say "Hi"
for Cid of the Al Bhed, ok?
Aeris: We will.
(Heading through the Mt. Nibel caves, en route
to Rocket Town, the gals meet The Materia
Keeper.)
The Materia Keeper: What chuu doin' here?
It's scary in these caves.
Elena: Naturally it's scary in those caves--it's Halloween.
Tifa: We're on our way to Rocket Town.
The Materia Keeper: Be careful when you go there--
there's danger abound there.
Aeris: You mean Sephiroth, Jenova and/or WEAPON?
The Materia Keeper: No, Cid Highwind--he is in a bad mood.
Yuffie: That sucks. Now THAT is scary.
(Entering Rocket Town, Tifa, Yuffie, Aeris and Elena
approach Cid's house and knock on the door which
opens; behind it is an irate Cid.)
Aeris, Tifa, Yuffie & Elena: Trick or treat.
Cid: TRICK!!
Aeris, Tifa, Yuffie & Elena (crying, bawling and
wailing): WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cid: HEY!! Don't go &*%@#$^ cryin' to me!! You'd
be grouchy yourself if that %@*#$^& Shera
pestered you to give &^^$#@%* candy to those
*@#%$^& BRATS!! OK, OK!! Here's your ^%#*@$& treats!!
(Tosses a handful of candy to the gals, who stop crying.)
You just can't beat the system!!
Aeris: That Materia Keeper was right--you're in a bad mood.
Yuffie: Anyhow, we just met Tidus from Besaid, an' he
told me an the rest to tell you that Cid of the Al
Bhed said "Hi."
Cid: He did, eh? Tell 'ol Cid of the Al Bhed I said "Likewise."
Elena: Hey, it's that Seifer, Fujin and Raijin tryin' to toilet
paper The Shanghai Inn!!
(Sure enough, we see Seifer, Raijin and Fujin tossing rolls
of toilet paper over the inn, just making a big mess--and
already Cid is livid.)
Cid: Hey you Galbadian %#@*&^$s!! Stop toilet papering
that joint before I kick your sorry BUT-TOCKS outa here!!
(From here, Cid and the gals charge toward Seifer and
his posse, causing them to freak out.)
Raijin: YIPE!! It's Cid Highwind, y' know!! Let's beat it!!
Fujin: RATS!!
(Fujin and Rajin run off, to Seifer's chagrin.)
Seifer: Come back here, you cowards!! Oh, foo!! I never
get to have any tradition Halloween fun!! (Runs off to
join up with his posse.)
Yuffie: What an exit!!
Tifa: Toilet paper jokes suck.
Elena: So do teenage hulks that trick or treat.
Aeris: Not to mention tainted treats with razor blades
and whatnot.
Cid: While we're on the subject, you gals best inspect
your treats when you get home.
Aeris, Tifa, Yuffie & Elena: We will.
(Much later, after collecting treats all over the planet,
we see our heroines back in Nibelheim, heading for
home, which used to be The Shinra Mansion, worn out
no doubt.)
Yuffie: Boy, Halloween night was a pip.
Aeris: You said it. Boy, do my feet itch.
Tifa: I told you to use tough actin' Tinactin. Hey, check
out what's happenin' here.
Nearby, at one of the houses, we see Quistis, Selphie
and Rinoa dressed as respectively, Squall, Irvine and
Seifer.)
Rinoa: Treat or trick. OOP!! I mean trick or treat.
Selphie: Rhino, you dope!! For a Sorceress, you're one
ditzy bimbo!!
Rinoa: So I goof up, big deal!! An' 'sides, my name is Rinoa--
NOT Rhino!!
Quistis: KEE-RIPES!! Why don't you two grow up?!?
Elena: Y' know....the password is deja vu.
Aeris, Tifa & Yuffie: AAAA-MEN!!
OWARI (THE END)
P.S.: Happy Halloween to all you Final Fantasy
stalwarts!!
--Ronin.