Hey. Sorry for not putting a chapter up in so long. I know I am
inconsistent but I have had exams all through January so have not had time.
Hope this chapter is worth it. Please, still feedback. Thanks. Laura.
- - -
"Doctor Carter, Abby's just been brought in!"
His head exploded with every possible thought at that one moment. In a way he wished he had not heard Frank speak, in a way he did not want to know what awaited him outside that room, in the ER. He was quite happy sitting here, pretending that Abby was at home safe and that a long and happy life together was what lay ahead of them. Carter placed his head in his hands whilst tugging at his hair. He was torn. A part of him wanted to sprint out of the cubicle as fast as he possibly could, just so he knew. She could be all right. Frank had said she had been brought in. Maybe she was just a little shaky from the ordeal and was waiting patiently for him outside the bathroom, waiting for him to take her into his arms and never let go. What was he doing wasting precious minutes sitting on a tiled floor then? Because the other half of his mind was preparing him for the worst. Preparing him for Abby to be lying helpless on a gurney, soaked in her own blood and in a state beyond help, beyond Ihis/i help. He rose to his feet. Not even an hour spent sitting there could prepare him for seeing her in that state. Nothing could. She was going to be ok though, she had to be.
"Doctor Carter!" Frank exclaimed, his voice raising, slight urgency showing.
Carter opened the door and stepped out into the bathroom. His pale face and reddened eyes that were half covered by heavy eyelids, showing the pure exhaustion he was feeling at such an early time in the day. He searched Frank's face for any sign, but Frank spoke up as if reading Carter's searching eyes.
"I haven't seen her, Susan just screamed at me to go and find you."
Carter did not like the way Frank had explained Susan's instruction. 'Screamed'. He swallowed the lump that was forming in this throat and set his eyes on the door in front of him. He pushed past Frank and walked towards it. It was now or never and he was not going to be able to help Abby by standing in a bathroom, acting like a wimp. If any doctor was going to help her it was going to be him.
He opened the door almost cautiously, and received his first view of the ER. Something was different, something was not right. The walls were still the same hygienic white color they always had been. The smell was still the same distinct one of cleanliness that typical of hospitals. However there was no buzz, no energy, and no staff. It was eerily quiet, only a few patients were sat in chairs and the admit area appeared empty, that was until he spotted Haleh and Chuny, staring at each other in a somewhat shocked state. Carter did not like the looks upon their faces and did not like the pitying look Haleh gave when she discovered him.
Haleh spotted Carter standing outside the bathroom, eyeing her with open eyes, almost pleading for her to give him a sign that Abby was ok. Those dreamy brown eyes every woman usually swooned over were now eyes that screamed for help, that screamed for comfort, and that screamed for the woman that he loved to hold him. Haleh could not bear the glance he was directing her way, and could not bear to encounter this man's state when he found out what lay ahead. She looked the other way, tears forming in her eyes, her heart breaking for the man fastly approaching her.
Carter approached the admit desk, taking large determined strides. Haleh had turned her back to him and Chuny was now sat down, head in her hands. Things were not looking good.
"Haleh. What's going on?" Carter asked in a hushed tone, almost uncertain if he wanted to know at all. He did not receive a reply.
"Haleh, talk to me." His voice was steadily rising in volume now and he was tired of being kept in the dark. He was still talking to Haleh's back and receiving silence. He placed a hand on her shoulder and forced her to turn and face him. Her eyes begged with him not to ask but he ignored her plea.
"Tell me where she is!"
"Carter."
"HALEH! WHERE IS MY GIRLFRIEND?!"
She reverted her eyes back to the floor and quietly answered. "Trauma One."
Without a second thought he headed straight there, almost knocking over a distraught Chuny as he exited the area. Haleh's voice stopped him.
"Carter. . . I wouldn't go in there."
He turned around abruptly his eyes burning into hers. "Why?"
"It just. . .it doesn't look good."
He inhaled a large amount of air thought his nostrils, and tightened his jaw, before walking rapidly towards Trauma One. His mind was a blur at this moment in time; the setting around him like a painting, the noise in his ears a distant murmur. The door to the trauma room was in sight and as he took two more paces he stood directly in front of the door. The sight he observed through the glass panel almost destroyed him. Every senior member of staff was packed into the room, trying to help one of their own one way or another. Abby's lifeless form lay on the bed, her chest oozing with blood and her face extremely pale. Kerry and Susan were huddled over Abby's chest, desperately trying to stop the severe bleeding and repair the vast amount of damage. Pratt was supplying suction where needed and Luka, Chen and Gallant stood in the corner of the room watching with hope and faith.
Carter burst through the room, with such force, and stood at the foot of the bed.
"John, I don't think its such a good. . ."
"Kerry I'm staying." He stated, his eyes transfixed on the woman who lay in front of him.
"Suction Pratt, God damn it!" Susan screamed and Carter immediately jumped into action.
"Right what can I do?"
"Nothing John! We have it covered. You would be more help to her if you waited outside." Kerry shouted.
"I am NOT standing here whilst my girlfriend bleeds to death doing NOTHING! I am a damn good doctor and I will save her now MOVE!" He shouted as he pulled on a pair of gloves and a disposable gown. Carter did not wait to hear a reply, he simply stood over Abby and surveyed the damage. She had two gun shot wounds to her abdomen that were bleeding heavily. She had lost and was still losing so much blood. Carter's stomach began to turn. He was dying inside. He was trying desperately to keep a professional attitude; he would be most helpful to Abby if he remained in this state. However, he was not sure how long he was going to hold up. He felt like he was about to vomit any second and he vision was beginning to blur. His world was collapsing around him, and he was plummeting into a place so dark he didn't even want to function anymore. The sight before him drove him on however, and kept him from residing to that place.
"She needs to go up to the OR!" He exclaimed. "The bullet's ruptured her lung, she needs surgery now!"
"Think clearly Carter for God's sake!" Susan shouted back at him. "We need to stabilise her, she wouldn't make it up to surgery."
"Ok, give me, give me that, ya know . . . " Carter instructed to Pratt.
"What man? Give you what?"
"Come on Pratt!! Give me the. . ."
Kerry stepped in and placed a hand on his shoulder. "John . . ."
"NO KERRY! I KNOW WHAT I MEAN! I JUST. . .just . . ." With that he threw the tools tray over and hit the wall behind him with fury. He was not helping her at all like this, he was a mess. Tears began to stream down his face and he felt a hand on his back. He turned around to see Luka's face. The two men looked into each other's eyes. Luka's face told Carter that he was there to offer support.
"Come on Carter. I think you would be more use to Abby if you stood beside her and held her hand." The Croatian told him.
Carter stood for a few seconds, before nodding his head. He moved out of the way and walked around the bed to Abby's left side, picking up her small delicate hand he had held so many times when the two of them were together in public. He had held it, simply because he wanted to be physically connected to her, as well as wanting everybody to know that she was the woman he loved. It seemed ironic now, that whilst he knew, and everybody else knew, she was the one that did not know. He brought her hand up to his lips, and kissed it lightly. This time he was not holding onto her simply for pleasure, he was holding onto her life. He entwined his fingers with hers and leaned in close to her pale face. "I love you Abby, I love you so much."
Suddenly, a sharp alarm sounded throughout the room. Susan and Kerry eyed each other before jumping into action.
"Gallant! Get over here now!" Susan shouted. Gallant ran over to Abby's side.
"OK bag her. Carter, you need to step away."
Without a word of warning Susan pushed Carter away from Abby, and Gallant stepped close to Abby's mouth, placing the mask over her face. Carter's hands slipped from hers and he felt as though there was now a world between them.
"Sat's are dropping." Pratt exclaimed.
"OK, she's hypercalcemic, give her ten units of insulin and defib." Weaver instructed Pratt.
"Get a repeat potassium" Susan shouted.
Carter stood watching, with Luka and Chen either side of him.
"She's in V-tach!" Gallant cried out.
"Charging to 200. " Susan spoke, as she ran to the resuscitation cart, grabbing the panels and placing them on Abby's chest. "Clear."
Carter's heart was now beating so fast. He could not believe this was happening, what had gone wrong? What had he done to deserve such a thing?
"Still V-tach." Pratt stated.
"Charging to 300." Susan said again. "Clear."
"Still V-tach."
"Charging to 360, I need one hundred of lidocaine and an amp of calcium. Clear!" Susan instructed.
Another alarm sounded. "Lost the pulse" Gallant cried.
"Damn it she's in V-fib. Start CPR. Clear!"
Pratt moved to the other side of the bed and began chest compressions.
"Still V-fib!" Gallant shouted, starting to panic.
"Michael, stay focused!" Kerry instructed. She looked over at Carter who was staring wide-eyed at the scene before him, covering his mouth with his hand in shock.
"Charging again to 360." Susan pressed on.
Pratt looked at the monitors. "Potassium 7.5, Puls/ox is 60."
"Clear!"
"Asystole!" Cried Gallant.
"Damn it!" Susan cried out.
"How much atropine has she been given?" Asked Kerry.
"Two amps." Pratt replied.
"When was the last epi?"
"About three minutes ago."
Everyone in the room fell silent as the continuous alarm, signalling asystole, continued to sound. Everyone looked at one another, and then one by one faces turned towards Carter. He started them in the eyes.
"No. . .no you can't stop now. You CAN'T!!" He rushed to Abby's side and took her face in his hands. "Come on! Abby wake up, come on please! I love you! You can't leave me! Please Abby . . . please."
Susan looked at Pratt, signalling for him to stop chest compressions. Kerry looked at Susan.
"You want to call it?"
Susan sighed, a lone tear falling down her cheek. "Time of death, 10.15 am"
Carter stared at Abby, her lifeless body in front of him. He was no longer able to put on a brave face, no longer able to hold a professional manner, no longer able to keep himself from falling into the dark pit. His world was meaningless, the one person he loved with all his heart had been taken from him, and she would never know that she was his world, his heart, his soul, his everything. The world seemed to stop turning and blackness overtook him once more, this time maybe forever.
- - -
The black turned to grey and the grey to light. He could feel his body, and he could feel the coldness of the substance he sat upon. His back was leant against a hard surface and his legs stretched out before him. His eyes adjusted to the surroundings and he could make out . . . a toilet? His hands and eyes reverted downwards to the tiled floor he was sat upon. He was, he was in a toilet cubicle. Before he had a chance to process another thought, a creaking was heard and footsteps entered the room he was in. A male voice then filled the room.
"Doctor Carter, Abby's just been brought in!"
His head snapped up, and his eyes bulged. It had all been a dream.
- - -
"Doctor Carter, Abby's just been brought in!"
His head exploded with every possible thought at that one moment. In a way he wished he had not heard Frank speak, in a way he did not want to know what awaited him outside that room, in the ER. He was quite happy sitting here, pretending that Abby was at home safe and that a long and happy life together was what lay ahead of them. Carter placed his head in his hands whilst tugging at his hair. He was torn. A part of him wanted to sprint out of the cubicle as fast as he possibly could, just so he knew. She could be all right. Frank had said she had been brought in. Maybe she was just a little shaky from the ordeal and was waiting patiently for him outside the bathroom, waiting for him to take her into his arms and never let go. What was he doing wasting precious minutes sitting on a tiled floor then? Because the other half of his mind was preparing him for the worst. Preparing him for Abby to be lying helpless on a gurney, soaked in her own blood and in a state beyond help, beyond Ihis/i help. He rose to his feet. Not even an hour spent sitting there could prepare him for seeing her in that state. Nothing could. She was going to be ok though, she had to be.
"Doctor Carter!" Frank exclaimed, his voice raising, slight urgency showing.
Carter opened the door and stepped out into the bathroom. His pale face and reddened eyes that were half covered by heavy eyelids, showing the pure exhaustion he was feeling at such an early time in the day. He searched Frank's face for any sign, but Frank spoke up as if reading Carter's searching eyes.
"I haven't seen her, Susan just screamed at me to go and find you."
Carter did not like the way Frank had explained Susan's instruction. 'Screamed'. He swallowed the lump that was forming in this throat and set his eyes on the door in front of him. He pushed past Frank and walked towards it. It was now or never and he was not going to be able to help Abby by standing in a bathroom, acting like a wimp. If any doctor was going to help her it was going to be him.
He opened the door almost cautiously, and received his first view of the ER. Something was different, something was not right. The walls were still the same hygienic white color they always had been. The smell was still the same distinct one of cleanliness that typical of hospitals. However there was no buzz, no energy, and no staff. It was eerily quiet, only a few patients were sat in chairs and the admit area appeared empty, that was until he spotted Haleh and Chuny, staring at each other in a somewhat shocked state. Carter did not like the looks upon their faces and did not like the pitying look Haleh gave when she discovered him.
Haleh spotted Carter standing outside the bathroom, eyeing her with open eyes, almost pleading for her to give him a sign that Abby was ok. Those dreamy brown eyes every woman usually swooned over were now eyes that screamed for help, that screamed for comfort, and that screamed for the woman that he loved to hold him. Haleh could not bear the glance he was directing her way, and could not bear to encounter this man's state when he found out what lay ahead. She looked the other way, tears forming in her eyes, her heart breaking for the man fastly approaching her.
Carter approached the admit desk, taking large determined strides. Haleh had turned her back to him and Chuny was now sat down, head in her hands. Things were not looking good.
"Haleh. What's going on?" Carter asked in a hushed tone, almost uncertain if he wanted to know at all. He did not receive a reply.
"Haleh, talk to me." His voice was steadily rising in volume now and he was tired of being kept in the dark. He was still talking to Haleh's back and receiving silence. He placed a hand on her shoulder and forced her to turn and face him. Her eyes begged with him not to ask but he ignored her plea.
"Tell me where she is!"
"Carter."
"HALEH! WHERE IS MY GIRLFRIEND?!"
She reverted her eyes back to the floor and quietly answered. "Trauma One."
Without a second thought he headed straight there, almost knocking over a distraught Chuny as he exited the area. Haleh's voice stopped him.
"Carter. . . I wouldn't go in there."
He turned around abruptly his eyes burning into hers. "Why?"
"It just. . .it doesn't look good."
He inhaled a large amount of air thought his nostrils, and tightened his jaw, before walking rapidly towards Trauma One. His mind was a blur at this moment in time; the setting around him like a painting, the noise in his ears a distant murmur. The door to the trauma room was in sight and as he took two more paces he stood directly in front of the door. The sight he observed through the glass panel almost destroyed him. Every senior member of staff was packed into the room, trying to help one of their own one way or another. Abby's lifeless form lay on the bed, her chest oozing with blood and her face extremely pale. Kerry and Susan were huddled over Abby's chest, desperately trying to stop the severe bleeding and repair the vast amount of damage. Pratt was supplying suction where needed and Luka, Chen and Gallant stood in the corner of the room watching with hope and faith.
Carter burst through the room, with such force, and stood at the foot of the bed.
"John, I don't think its such a good. . ."
"Kerry I'm staying." He stated, his eyes transfixed on the woman who lay in front of him.
"Suction Pratt, God damn it!" Susan screamed and Carter immediately jumped into action.
"Right what can I do?"
"Nothing John! We have it covered. You would be more help to her if you waited outside." Kerry shouted.
"I am NOT standing here whilst my girlfriend bleeds to death doing NOTHING! I am a damn good doctor and I will save her now MOVE!" He shouted as he pulled on a pair of gloves and a disposable gown. Carter did not wait to hear a reply, he simply stood over Abby and surveyed the damage. She had two gun shot wounds to her abdomen that were bleeding heavily. She had lost and was still losing so much blood. Carter's stomach began to turn. He was dying inside. He was trying desperately to keep a professional attitude; he would be most helpful to Abby if he remained in this state. However, he was not sure how long he was going to hold up. He felt like he was about to vomit any second and he vision was beginning to blur. His world was collapsing around him, and he was plummeting into a place so dark he didn't even want to function anymore. The sight before him drove him on however, and kept him from residing to that place.
"She needs to go up to the OR!" He exclaimed. "The bullet's ruptured her lung, she needs surgery now!"
"Think clearly Carter for God's sake!" Susan shouted back at him. "We need to stabilise her, she wouldn't make it up to surgery."
"Ok, give me, give me that, ya know . . . " Carter instructed to Pratt.
"What man? Give you what?"
"Come on Pratt!! Give me the. . ."
Kerry stepped in and placed a hand on his shoulder. "John . . ."
"NO KERRY! I KNOW WHAT I MEAN! I JUST. . .just . . ." With that he threw the tools tray over and hit the wall behind him with fury. He was not helping her at all like this, he was a mess. Tears began to stream down his face and he felt a hand on his back. He turned around to see Luka's face. The two men looked into each other's eyes. Luka's face told Carter that he was there to offer support.
"Come on Carter. I think you would be more use to Abby if you stood beside her and held her hand." The Croatian told him.
Carter stood for a few seconds, before nodding his head. He moved out of the way and walked around the bed to Abby's left side, picking up her small delicate hand he had held so many times when the two of them were together in public. He had held it, simply because he wanted to be physically connected to her, as well as wanting everybody to know that she was the woman he loved. It seemed ironic now, that whilst he knew, and everybody else knew, she was the one that did not know. He brought her hand up to his lips, and kissed it lightly. This time he was not holding onto her simply for pleasure, he was holding onto her life. He entwined his fingers with hers and leaned in close to her pale face. "I love you Abby, I love you so much."
Suddenly, a sharp alarm sounded throughout the room. Susan and Kerry eyed each other before jumping into action.
"Gallant! Get over here now!" Susan shouted. Gallant ran over to Abby's side.
"OK bag her. Carter, you need to step away."
Without a word of warning Susan pushed Carter away from Abby, and Gallant stepped close to Abby's mouth, placing the mask over her face. Carter's hands slipped from hers and he felt as though there was now a world between them.
"Sat's are dropping." Pratt exclaimed.
"OK, she's hypercalcemic, give her ten units of insulin and defib." Weaver instructed Pratt.
"Get a repeat potassium" Susan shouted.
Carter stood watching, with Luka and Chen either side of him.
"She's in V-tach!" Gallant cried out.
"Charging to 200. " Susan spoke, as she ran to the resuscitation cart, grabbing the panels and placing them on Abby's chest. "Clear."
Carter's heart was now beating so fast. He could not believe this was happening, what had gone wrong? What had he done to deserve such a thing?
"Still V-tach." Pratt stated.
"Charging to 300." Susan said again. "Clear."
"Still V-tach."
"Charging to 360, I need one hundred of lidocaine and an amp of calcium. Clear!" Susan instructed.
Another alarm sounded. "Lost the pulse" Gallant cried.
"Damn it she's in V-fib. Start CPR. Clear!"
Pratt moved to the other side of the bed and began chest compressions.
"Still V-fib!" Gallant shouted, starting to panic.
"Michael, stay focused!" Kerry instructed. She looked over at Carter who was staring wide-eyed at the scene before him, covering his mouth with his hand in shock.
"Charging again to 360." Susan pressed on.
Pratt looked at the monitors. "Potassium 7.5, Puls/ox is 60."
"Clear!"
"Asystole!" Cried Gallant.
"Damn it!" Susan cried out.
"How much atropine has she been given?" Asked Kerry.
"Two amps." Pratt replied.
"When was the last epi?"
"About three minutes ago."
Everyone in the room fell silent as the continuous alarm, signalling asystole, continued to sound. Everyone looked at one another, and then one by one faces turned towards Carter. He started them in the eyes.
"No. . .no you can't stop now. You CAN'T!!" He rushed to Abby's side and took her face in his hands. "Come on! Abby wake up, come on please! I love you! You can't leave me! Please Abby . . . please."
Susan looked at Pratt, signalling for him to stop chest compressions. Kerry looked at Susan.
"You want to call it?"
Susan sighed, a lone tear falling down her cheek. "Time of death, 10.15 am"
Carter stared at Abby, her lifeless body in front of him. He was no longer able to put on a brave face, no longer able to hold a professional manner, no longer able to keep himself from falling into the dark pit. His world was meaningless, the one person he loved with all his heart had been taken from him, and she would never know that she was his world, his heart, his soul, his everything. The world seemed to stop turning and blackness overtook him once more, this time maybe forever.
- - -
The black turned to grey and the grey to light. He could feel his body, and he could feel the coldness of the substance he sat upon. His back was leant against a hard surface and his legs stretched out before him. His eyes adjusted to the surroundings and he could make out . . . a toilet? His hands and eyes reverted downwards to the tiled floor he was sat upon. He was, he was in a toilet cubicle. Before he had a chance to process another thought, a creaking was heard and footsteps entered the room he was in. A male voice then filled the room.
"Doctor Carter, Abby's just been brought in!"
His head snapped up, and his eyes bulged. It had all been a dream.