Hello! More time typing…freedom!!!! O.K.! I'm now ready to party, type…type and ummm… TYPE! Now where did Sméagol go? (Walks around with a sword in hand and hair is dripping because of rain).

Disclaimer: If I owned LOTR, Peter Jackson would have notified me BEFORE he started filming!!!!

The la-di-da-super-neat diary of Frodo, son of…(whatever!)

Day 6

I want my blanket! I miss the Shire so much…I miss flirting with Rosie! Sam still doesn't know! Sssssh! He's such a stupid head with those pans. Heloooooo! Sam you're not the Naked Chef! Sam going all therapist-like on me…(sigh!) when will he get it in his stupid head that he is not Dr. Phil!!!!! Beeeeh! Humungous Oliphaunts! Move Sam you stupid head! Oh no! We're surrounded by men! AAAAGH!

The…whatever diary of Sam, son of…(whatever! Hamfast????)

Day 6

In the name of Shire! What the hell is wrong with Frodo? I try communicating with him by asking personal and psychological questions. What is wrong? (Flips through his book of Dr. Phil and reads a chapter) Chapter Seven: Learning other people's problem (Note: don't jump to psychological and/or personal questions…or else you're a stupid head who follows some dumb quest and who is in a desperate situation and just reads this stupid head book that is just crap!) (Tosses book) Useless! (Ground shaking) My pans!!! An Oliphaunt!!!! Frodo! Master Frodo! I saw an…oh my dear Rosie Cotton! (from his pouch he takes out a flag which is white) In the name of the Shire would somebody please tell me what the bloody hell is happening?!

The also-whatever diary of Meriadoc of the Shire.

Day 6

Woke up and saw a huge talking tree! Holy sh--! (Passes out again!)

The diary of Peregrin of the Shire.

Day 6

Got up because I heard Merry yelling and thump again to the ground. A talking tree saved us…Treebeard eh? Aye! You remind me of my Aunty…long beard…odd…but she's in Scotland now…oops!

The White diary of Gandalf the White.

Day 7

I'M ALIVE!!!! ( Puts on Céline Dion's new CD "A NEW DAY HAS COME" and starts singing)

When you call my name!

When you call my name!

I know that I'm aliiiiiiiive!

(His voice echoes throughout the forest)

I think that Aragorn and the others heard me now! (Blushes like a school girl).

The Dull-green-secret boook of Aragorn.

Day 7

I heard an awful noise…not Nazgul…and yet worse than Legolas and Gimli holding hands! Thinking that its Céline Dion…oh crap! I mean athelas! (Runs in the bushes) Céline should start her career as a Ringwraith! (shivers).

The Messed-up Hilroy copybook with the metal thing-a-majig on the side of Gimli.

Day 7

While skinning Rudolf and Prancer, I heard an awful voice…the one thing that brings fear in my heart and makes it sink like "Titanic" (*sniff* Poor Leo!!!! ) and that frightens the dwarves is…is…is…Céline Dion!!!! (drags the two reindeers into the bushes next to Aragorn who is smoking weed) Aragorn! You're giving smoke signals to Céline!!! You're such an @$$!!!! Didn't Arwen ever tell you not to smoke!!!??? We listen carefully to the sounds and we conclude that its Céline and Aragorn was wondering if he'd ask for an autograph…for Arwen he says…but he's blushing!!!!! Oh ya! The elf hottie passes by too! Did I say HOTTIE?????

The new diary of Legolas.

Day 7

Yay! I got a new diary! Aunt Helena …she sends me one every Christmas! Last one was a flower diary so now I AAAH! (Gets tripped by Aragorn and somehow Leggy falls on him. Aragorn pushes him aside.) What the hell are you guys doing here?!?!?!?!?! (Stares at his hands.) AAAAAGH! BLOOD! OH MY GOD GIMLI KILLED RUDOLF THE RED NOSE REINDEER AND PRANCER!!!!! (Sniffs around the air) Ew! I know what to get you for Christmas Aragorn! A Nicoderm box for you to stop smoking and…(voice muffled by Aragorn who covered Leggy's mouth with his reindeer blood soaked hand.) (Aragorn rolls eyes and gives Gimli a ticket for slaughtering magical animals without a permit and starts smoking again…what??? He's a RANGER!!!!)