The Summer After Everything Stopped

Chapter 2: Lupin

For what its worth, its not as bad as it was when James and Lily were killed. I don't feel so helpless, so alone, despite being the last remaining Marauder. But this time he died on our side, like a hero. Its comforting. And, no one could ever be Sirius, but I have the Order now. Unwaveringly. Sometimes I still have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not still up in my lonely Northern cabin, warded away from all save the howling wind...
Why am I always sitting up like this? Its been four days since the award ceremony and I haven't slept a proper wink since then. Every night I give myself the same rationalizing comfort speech. Ineffective, of course, but I've come to a conclusion, but oh, its so dark...I can allow myself to think it only now, in the dead of night. But even in this witching hour I feel like Sirius can hear my thoughts and condemn me for them. I blame Harry. When my thoughts are unguarded, I blame Harry. For not learning to block out Voldemort, for letting Snape get to him, for being so goddamn impetuous and guilt-ridden. And then the image of his face as Sirius fell stabs into my mind and I want to fall through that veil myself. He didn't come to the award ceremony. Tonks went to get him and he refused to come. She said he looked like hell and told her Sirius was coming to get him soon. And I blame him.

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Remus! Remus!
What the hell time is it? Ow, my neck! I've slept on my window seat, all twisted up...

I'm coming, I'm coming. I reach my fire and am snapped out of my grogginess by the face in it. My mind fills in the details of her features that the Floo powder blurs. Smooth, almost translucent skin, such bright eyes, electric smile. Please smile...

Shit.
You all right?
Yes, yes, of course. I blush slightly. She caught me.
Remus, we want you to go see Harry at the Muggle's house.
Guilt rushes back to me as I remember my thoughts before I fell asleep.
He talks to Sirius, Remus. He needs someone alive to talk to...someone to make him realize that Sirius isn't coming back.
I take a deep breath and let it out noisily. She sighs. I sigh.
Look, I know this isn't easy for you. Its not for any of us. But think of Harry, of Ja--
I'll go, Tonks, shut up. I need to do this for myself as much as Harry, I realize. To atone.
Good. I'll tell Dumbledore to open the Floo network. Remus...?
I look up, meet her eyes. She smiles. Finally...and I can't help but smile back.

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I'm in a huge auditorium. Crowded and rustling with the anticipation of a show about to begin. The stage lights blink on smoothly and nearly blind me. Cabaret music jauntily fills the hall, and...Tonks...? Tonks sashés (since when Tonks sashé?) onto the stage to thunderous applause and whistling. I want to whistle, too, but my jaw is locked in the open position. A very skimpy blue sequined costume reveals too much of her snowy skin...I am jerked to reality when the audience quiets after her bow. The music starts up again, and she launches into a tap dance. I find myself following her smile, not her curves as she taps...tap, tap, tap...across the stage. It feels like she's looking straight at me, all the while tapping...tap, tap, tap, tap...why are her taps louder than the orchestra? tap, tap, tap, TAP, TAP, TAP...
I jerk awake. TAP, TAP, TAP, TAP...and notice vaguely that I'm in my bed, not a concert hall...TAP, TAP, TAP...my mind clears. An owl. I sigh and open my window.

R,
Its open. Go now.
-D.

Good timing, Albus. Jesus. Tonks' smile and the duty ahead of he competing for the attention of my mind, I clumsily get dressed. Who knows how long he'll keep the Floo connection open...

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A/N:
Senna, BubblyFizz03, and Zaara:
My three precious reviewers! Thanks for your input. It inspired me to continue...(finally!)