As before…I am sorry for the hints of the movie…but my summary says BE FOREWARNED it contains spoilers!!! And I still feel bad for those who have read it. I promise not to do that anymore…unless if it was unintentional like the last one…so please enjoy!
Disclaimer: If I owned LOTR…I'd make Aragorn be related to Wolverine since they are unknown with their origins! Wouldn't it be just weird!!!!???? (grins mischievously)
Day 9 (I'm sorry…but let me just briefly summarize the afternoon and night…since everybody was busy burning Orc carcasses and counting numerous times the deaths!)
Let's see…Aragorn enters the fortification and ties his shoelaces…his boots were getting repaired after his fall by Eowyn…who else? So he came in to see King Théoden in his "sneakers" which made a lot of noise and everyone was disturbed! Legolas remarked to him that he looked "terrible"…he finally notices!?!?!?! Aragorn told him to shut the bloody hell up…ya-di-ya-di-ya…imitating Legolas in an English accent…Gimli laughing his helmet off…chased it for half an hour. Aragorn tells Théo(not the amazingly hot Habs goalie!!!!)…about the ten thousand Orcs approaching Helm's Deep by nightfall…blah…blah…blah…Théo saying how he did that amazing save last season(oops! That's the goalie!)…Aragorn looking at him and saying that he's in the wrong studio and that the Gatorade commercial pretty much sucked. Then the other Théo resumed…where was I? Oh yes! Blah…blah…blah…saying that he was shaking in his space boots…these people are advanced!
Aragorn getting shafted by the King who said "And since when did I hear that Lord Aragorn ruled Rohan?" Aragorn getting pissed off…speechless. Théo really stubborn saying that Gondor won't listen and are slow-pokes…Boromir would have been turning red as Aragorn thought…Elves couldn't help since they always think of their own kin (whatever!)…Aragorn "HEY!"…Théo walking away…acting like a S.O.B which wouldn't be such a surprise…since Bernard Hill looks like a Jack Russell Terrier! Night comes and the army of Uruk-Hai stops in front of the fortification and start singing "People want to knoooow! Whooooooo we arrrrrrrrrrre! We are the Titans! Mighty! Mighty Titans!" and then Gimli rolled his eyes, since he couldn't see the army's corny dance. Before the war started, Elrond had a bad dream where Galadriel told him to get off his arse and send an army of Elves towards Helm's Deep. Thus, in half an hour, Haldir was sent with an army and arrived in no time…dunno how though! So Gimli was surrounded by Elves and he was the shortest one of the entire wall! When everything was silent…a man from Rohan sneezed and an Urk-Hai received an asthma attack by the sudden sneeze and died. The war had begun.
A lot of blood…many slipped on it of course and had many pleasant dreams as the others fought. Aragorn slipped a couple of times…still had his "sneakers" on. Eowyn didn't finish, since she had tried to persuade uncle Théo(nope still not the hot goalie) to fight with the men and Elves. Yet again, she had to stay with the women and small children. Yells, shouts, people crying for their mommies…and yet their mothers were safe in the shelter of Helm's Deep. Uruk-Hai placed two spiky bombs and Aragorn getting all pissed off at Legolas telling him to kill the Uruk-Hai who was igniting the bombs…the Orc fell and into the bombs…causing a big explosion of candy…since when was Helm's Deep a piñata? Many are dead both men and orcs because of the explosion…orcs running around grabbing candy and come back to their senses when a dwarf had been tossed and the Elves laughed and resumed to fight. Then Aragorn and Gimli taunt the Uruk-Hai by dressing up like women and whacking them on the head with their weapons. Of course, the men and elves were humored and Gimli turned pink as a little school girl as Legolas remarked. King Théoden having enough of the mockery told Aragorn and Gimli to get back inside the fortification. Nothing else but fighting is happening. Finally, when light draws near, Aragorn remembers what Gandalf said. "Look for me on the new day, in the East".
When Aragorn looked at the West…I mean East, he saw the sun…or was it this big white light. And the Orcs wondered, "Santa?"…Gandalf who was outraged, blinded them all…luckily, all of the Elves and men brought shades and were protected. Eomer and the other Rohirrim with Gandalf charge at the blinded Uruk-Hai and…well…you know! The Uruk-Hai are defeated, the mothers and soldiers are releaved. Aragorn saddened that Haldir died but knew that he fought bravely and remembered the "hug" that he gave to him. It was a hell of a night!
That is all I remember about the fight…I hope that I didn't disappoint you all…the rest will be a lot easier…TA!