Ēomer prevented me from deleting this fic…so I dedicate this one to him…her…him…whatever!
Disclaimer: If you guys still do believe, please check your self voluntarily at a lunatic asylum.
Day 10…FINALLY!
Frodo and Sam (wise) who didn't seem wise to Frodo and Sméagol were unleashed from Faramir and his men's "wrath" (just wanted to put some suspense…sorry! AHEM!) They were walking around, until Gollum decided to go to the little "Sméagol room" as he quoted with his fingers. Of course, Sam rolled his eyes and received one of his "prized" pans in the face. (By Frodo! DUH!) And they finally realized, that Sméagol was planning to kill them…but ever since the quest started, they have caught this sulkiness (most probably from Boromir!) and therefore, they basically, D-I-D N-O-T care and concluded (curses! Again with these big words) that since the beginning, that they wanted a death wish. So, they just sighed and pretended not to listen to Sméagol (which wasn't too hard for Sam) and journeyed on into the barren wastelands of Mordor to "another place" as Sméagol quoted with his fingers yet again and smirked to himself.
Aragorn F-I-N-A-L-L-Y realizes that Ēowyn was VERY fond of him…or maybe F-L-I-R-T-I-N-G (maybe Aragorn had the sun in his eyes or something…I guess that he forgot his shades and that he didn't notice her "new" mood! LOL! AHEM!) Umm…Aragorn cleaning Andùril (because of the Orc blood…duh!) and she comes running out of the shelter with the women and children and she grabs him by the neck in a Rohirrim hug fashion (little familiar eh?) Poor Legolas is in the corner (with no scratches!) and does the sad puppy face, along with Gimli. Since, Aragorn always gets the women…this makes Legolas angry, since he's THE best looking one, and yet, many women quote him hot, but Aragorn as a sexy beast. Legolas resumed to his "collecting all the used arrows from the corpses and clean them", while Gimli goes around in search of "magnificent" caves.
Ēomer ruffled Aragorn's hair after the Battle of Helm's Deep and complimented Strider (Ēomer enjoyed calling him that.) about the amount of gel that he used in his hair. Of course, Aragorn was totally confused and said, "What gel?"
O.K… enough! Now, to the diaries!!!!!!!!!!!
The stinky-fishy scrap paper of Gollum
Day 10
Come here…Come here…Sméagol wontsss kill yousss…Come here fishiessssss! Come here…
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The totally-no-duh-Gondorian-leather-journal of Captain Faramir
Whohoooooooo! I finally beat my brother at something!!!! Despite the amount of time it took me to act drawn towards the One Ring, I made the little ones think that I was possessed! Wait a minute… DID I SAY LITTLE ONES !?!?!?!?!?!?! Whoa! I think that I caught my brother's disease or something. My men will miss the fun of wedgying that creature Sméagol. Hmm…I think that I should write back to daddy dearest now…
Dear Father,
Umm…please send more men to Mordor, we're running out of "Super Duper Gondorian Ranger Arrows" and weapons too! For some odd reason, more are being wounded by accidentally sitting on arrows. I have learned about Boromir's wanderings. He fought bravely and was slain by Orcs. Oh well…he was a bit of a show off anyway! I wish that I were in his place (yeah, RIGHT!!!!) (Snort!)
Love from your son,
Faramir
P.S. Did you find the Horn of Gondor yet!?!?!
P.P.S. Don't forget about the men!
P.P.P.S. And the weapons!
P.P.P.P.S. Almost forgot about the "Super Duper Gondorian Ranger Arrows"!
P.P.P.P.P.S. And some ointments…I think that I sat on an arrow! *OUCH!*
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The la-di-da-lembas-smelling diary of Frodo, son of Drogo (I finally remembered!)
Day 10
AAGH! The left overs are making me more mad than the f#$%ing ring itself!!!!!!!!! Lembas, lembas, LEMBAS! Sam making a new recipe…Lembas stew…eww…starting to wonder if I should eat him instead. Decided not to, since he'd slow me down. He weighs more than the bloody burden itself!!!!!!! Whistling kettle on a hot stove! Starting to talk Australian! See what happens when you drink tea and stay with the crew and cast for 16 months!?!?!?! I'm sulking now…even more than…bloody hell I forgot his name!!!
Bowlmir? Bonemir? Boredmir? Bonkmir? Bowloffishmir? AAGH SCREW IT!
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The cookbook (I'm just kidding!) of Samwise, son of Hamfast (In the name of athelas, who would name their child with food and speed?)
Day 10
Grr…why did Faramir keep us for so long! I appreciate the food, but I'll try my Lembas stew…it dried up into some yarnish form*takes a piece of the stew* FRODO! I discovered something! I discovered cotton candy!!!!!!!!!! Umm…it's slightly yellowish…but IT'S COTTON CANDY! I got to write this in my recipe book!
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The 3000-or-whatever-old-dusty-and-yet-Elrond-dusts-it-and-oddly-enough-it-collects-dust-at-the-end-of-the-f%^&ing-day book of Elrond
Day 10
Hmm…*adjusts headband* I HATE THIS HEADBAND!!!!!!!!! Ahem…daughter crying in room…stopped about a day ago. Galadriel interrupted me yesterday, as I took a bath. Frightened…dropped my rubber ducky…WAAH! Ahem! Told me to send an army of Elves towards Helm's Deep…said blah, blah, blah! Something really boring that was in The Two Towers script and that the hobbit-like director gave to me. Anyways, daughter in a sulking and suicidal mood (which I think was from Boromir!) She's still in love with Aragorn. (Sighs) I regret telling her that he was going to die…she started to cry in Elvish. Sometimes, I'm evil…MWAH! HA! HA! HA! HA! I prevented Arwen from killing herself…since she was in a suicidal mood…and told her to put on a dark outfit and to go to someone's funeral. I'm now on the roof…hmm…pretty high over here! Oops! Dropped my elvish pen…good thing that I keep a spare!