A Noble HP Fanfic Mockery Indeed
Author's note: All Harry Potter characters and settings appearing in this fanfic parody of fanfics obviously do not belong to me, but to JK Rowling. They are her, origional ideas, and there can be no mistake about it. Alright? Good. (But the sorry Mary-Sues I can take the blame for!) Authors other note: I have no spell check, but maybe I didn't misspell anything.
An Explaination Once upon a time, in the not-so-little land of Fanficdom, that spread across many internet sites, there were droves of horrible HP fanfictions scouring the kingdoms' reputations. These fanfictions were filled with sickly Mary-Sues, terrifying pairings, one-dimensional characters, bad plots, and poor writing skills. So, a few noble but sarcastic and cynical citizens began to create: Parodies. These tales helped the little readers handle the sly, painful attacks of pathetic fanfics. This is one such fanfic parody. Enjoy.
Part One: The Horrible Beginning
Saphirra Almondcrunch was sitting in a compartment with her friends on the Hogwarts express. A few days ago a letter had arrived by owl, telling them that they were all magical after all, and that they would go, as new 6th years, to Hogwarts, as opposed to an nearer, US school. Why? Um, well....erm...you see the thing is...uh...Shut up! That's why. Anyway, Saphirra was gazing at her "lovely" (scary) image in a mirror. She had honey-teal eyes, and curly tangerine-ruby-brown hair with streaks of blond. Her friend, Marian "Mar" Silverwhisper Xarlain pushed her out of the way fluffing her 6-foot-long, black hair, and fluttering her ice-violet eyes. "Hey! Stop getting in my way! You only want to look all nice for that red- haired boy we did saw on the way to the train! He looked major evil to me!" "Well you are only looked in this mirror to look pretty for that four-eyes boy!" "Noooooo..." She replied blushing. This is all very boring and hard to visualise the weird colors, so the scene cuts to our favorite trio. Red- Hair and Four eyes looked at Hermione quizzically. "WHAT?! HERMIONE, WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE SHOULDN'T BE SO MEAN TO MALFOY?!" Cried Ron, positively spitting with rage. Harry didn't say anything. He was too busy thinking angst-y thoughts, that would make entire paragraphs worth of confusion as to what he was talking about. Back to Hermione. Hermione had become Head Girl, and Draco Head Boy, and when Hermione found out she became very upset, but slowly she realised something: Her brain had been removed. Oops! Did I give too much away? I ment that she went through a rapid personality change, straightened her hair, was allowed to wear todays most modern clothes under her new robes, (Never mind that their 6th year is in 1996, as I, as a fanatic calculated.) and she was smitten by Draco, who we all thought was spoiled jerk who was also a majorly biased against muggles, and mudbloods, but he went through a personality change too.
Draco was, at that moment, breaking up with Blaise Zambini, possibly because of a big question: Is Blaise a boy or a girl? (I have seen sorry fanfics taking both sides, so I will not ponder the question.) Draco slammed the compartment shut as he left it to weep, or stew, or wonder. And Draco walked into the next compartment, to break up with Pansy. This is understandable, but not to Pansy, who will continue to beleive they are together.
TUNE IN LATER, FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER! (Meaning: Tired of writing, because I never learned touch-typing, making writing this very time-consuming.)
Author's note: All Harry Potter characters and settings appearing in this fanfic parody of fanfics obviously do not belong to me, but to JK Rowling. They are her, origional ideas, and there can be no mistake about it. Alright? Good. (But the sorry Mary-Sues I can take the blame for!) Authors other note: I have no spell check, but maybe I didn't misspell anything.
An Explaination Once upon a time, in the not-so-little land of Fanficdom, that spread across many internet sites, there were droves of horrible HP fanfictions scouring the kingdoms' reputations. These fanfictions were filled with sickly Mary-Sues, terrifying pairings, one-dimensional characters, bad plots, and poor writing skills. So, a few noble but sarcastic and cynical citizens began to create: Parodies. These tales helped the little readers handle the sly, painful attacks of pathetic fanfics. This is one such fanfic parody. Enjoy.
Part One: The Horrible Beginning
Saphirra Almondcrunch was sitting in a compartment with her friends on the Hogwarts express. A few days ago a letter had arrived by owl, telling them that they were all magical after all, and that they would go, as new 6th years, to Hogwarts, as opposed to an nearer, US school. Why? Um, well....erm...you see the thing is...uh...Shut up! That's why. Anyway, Saphirra was gazing at her "lovely" (scary) image in a mirror. She had honey-teal eyes, and curly tangerine-ruby-brown hair with streaks of blond. Her friend, Marian "Mar" Silverwhisper Xarlain pushed her out of the way fluffing her 6-foot-long, black hair, and fluttering her ice-violet eyes. "Hey! Stop getting in my way! You only want to look all nice for that red- haired boy we did saw on the way to the train! He looked major evil to me!" "Well you are only looked in this mirror to look pretty for that four-eyes boy!" "Noooooo..." She replied blushing. This is all very boring and hard to visualise the weird colors, so the scene cuts to our favorite trio. Red- Hair and Four eyes looked at Hermione quizzically. "WHAT?! HERMIONE, WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE SHOULDN'T BE SO MEAN TO MALFOY?!" Cried Ron, positively spitting with rage. Harry didn't say anything. He was too busy thinking angst-y thoughts, that would make entire paragraphs worth of confusion as to what he was talking about. Back to Hermione. Hermione had become Head Girl, and Draco Head Boy, and when Hermione found out she became very upset, but slowly she realised something: Her brain had been removed. Oops! Did I give too much away? I ment that she went through a rapid personality change, straightened her hair, was allowed to wear todays most modern clothes under her new robes, (Never mind that their 6th year is in 1996, as I, as a fanatic calculated.) and she was smitten by Draco, who we all thought was spoiled jerk who was also a majorly biased against muggles, and mudbloods, but he went through a personality change too.
Draco was, at that moment, breaking up with Blaise Zambini, possibly because of a big question: Is Blaise a boy or a girl? (I have seen sorry fanfics taking both sides, so I will not ponder the question.) Draco slammed the compartment shut as he left it to weep, or stew, or wonder. And Draco walked into the next compartment, to break up with Pansy. This is understandable, but not to Pansy, who will continue to beleive they are together.
TUNE IN LATER, FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER! (Meaning: Tired of writing, because I never learned touch-typing, making writing this very time-consuming.)