Chapter 16: When The Shadow Finds You
"Harry!", Harry heard through the silence of the dormitory. "Harry, wake up! It's afternoon! Let's go to lunch!"
Harry, sleepy as he was, just turned on the other side of the bed and continued his sleep.
"Harry!"
But he just ignored the voice. He was still sleeping, and could only hear that with half of an ear.
"HARRY!", the person shouted, and then Harry felt something cold tough his face. He immediately raised on his feet, looking at the person who woke him up is if it was the Death Eater.
"Oh, it's you, Ron," Harry said with a very low, sleepy voice. He was holding his wand in the right hand, and Harry understood that the cold feeling he had must have been a result of a spell.
"Who did you think I was?" Ron asked. "Come on, I have just woken up, too, five minutes ago -- we missed two classes already."
Hearing that, Harry started feeling wide awake. All the sleepiness left him in less than a second, and he was ready to start another day. Or better said another half of a day...
They met Hermione in the Common Room. She seemed to have woken up late, too. They could see that in the We-missed-two-classes expression she had on her face. "We missed two classes!" was the first thing she said.
"I know," said Harry. "And I don't blame us. Well, we did it for a noble cause, didn't we?"
"I guess it wasn't," Hermione continued. "I haven't heard of anything strange... and that means either that the Death Eater managed to get out of the place we binded him to the ground, or maybe Dumbledore keeps it secret."
"I'd rather believe the second option," Harry continued.
"I won't. Dumbledore wouldn't let the Hogwarts students stay frightened with the image of seeing the Death Eater breaking into a classroom and attacking them during the classes popping in their mind. He would have told everyone the good news. So, I doubt that he had been caught."
"No..." Harry said more to himself when he found out that Hermione's words made sense. "No, he couldn't escape."
"Maybe he had some assistance from one of his fellow Death Eaters!" Ron gave his opinion.
"Who knows," said Hermione, "We only know that he hadn't been caught. So Hogwarts is still in danger."
"We should have better talked to Dumbledore!" Harry said, slapping himself. "Oh, how could I be so stupid?"
While he walked to the Great Hall, thinking about the 'morning' he had, he noticed that Ron was back to a better mood again. He just hoped that he would stay like that... his help was always needed, they could have done a better job if Ron was in their team while they searched for the Death Eater.
In the Great Hall, Harry looked at the Ravenclaw table to see Cho. He had to ask her about the Death Eater. Did she know that he escaped? He had to talk to her to ask about that; and then to talk about the next thing they would do about the Death Eater. They had Ron, and if they were four they stood a better chance. Even though the Death Eater would be more cautious, too, he couldn't face them all at once -- and one of them was Harry Potter himself.
They talked but found out nothing new. The Death Eater was free and they had to do something about it. The Shadow of Darkness was even more mysterious with the things the Death Eater told them.
They all thought about it for several days, but they hadn't found anything sure. They knew that the Shadow was casted on Harry -- and possibly not only him -- by somebody else than the Death Eater. Could it be Voldemort? Maybe he casted the spell while at the graveyard three moths ago when he witnessed Voldemort's return to power...
Or who else could cast it?
They haven't realized who the Death Eater was. Their only conclusion was that he surely put them under a spell that stopped them from recognizing him. And who could it be?
Nobody who could have done something like that passed through Harry's mind.
Thinking about those mysteries brought back to Harry's mind even more things. What about himself turning dark? What about the blank pages of the Dark book of Dark Arts?
What about the time when he almost attacked Ron with a snake.
Everything was so cloudy in Harry's -- and not only his -- mind. Hermione and Cho couldn't find anything either, not to talk about Ron, who seemed to ignore these of Harry's worries and think of his father more.
He had a strange opinion that those things had a connection. Why was he forced to read the Dark book of Dark Arts a few weeks before? The Death Eater casted a spell that made him go and read the book...
That was quite obvious. The Death Eater just wanted Harry to have an idea what he was fighting against.
Still, they all reached to no conclusions at all. Everything seemed to be connected but he couldn't think about what was happening. Would it be better to tell Dumbledore?
No, it couldn't. He decided to think more about it -- or wait until something strange happened again.
And it did happen quite soon. The next sunday, they all stood in Great Hall at dinner. They were quiet, because no words seemed to pass through their minds after so many tries of finding out something about the dark things happening around.
Harry was just eating and he didn't want to think of anything that could ruin a pleasant dinner. But he didn't have to wait more until Ron looked at him in an unusual way.
"What is it?" Harry asked.
"What were you mumbling about?" Ron asked.
"Me?"
"Yes, you," said Ron, looking at Harry as if he was looking at an idiot.
"Did I?" Harry asked, looking at Hermione, hoping that he would get an answer.
"Yes, you did," she answered, and then she went back to the dinner.
What did that mean, Harry asked himself. He didn't even realize that he was mumbling something. "Did you, by any chance, understand what I said?"
"Yes," said Ron, "A bit of it. You said something like 'I'll kill him. Kill him and his master'. That was what I understood... you continued something about -- about..." but Ron didn't seem to want to tell Harry about that.
"About what?"
"About... I can't say it. I know it will come as a shock to you."
"Ron, for God's sake, just say it!" said Harry, feeling that if Ron didn't agree he would lose his temper.
"It was... do you really -- really think you want to hear it?"
"OF COURSE I DO!" Harry shouted annoyed. "Just say it!"
"About yourself taking their places."
That almost made Harry's heart stop. That almost cleared a few things for him. That sentence made, again, in front of his eyes, the image of himself turning dark. And it wasn't like it was before -- this one was even worse. He imagined himself being like Voldemort was... merciless, heartless and... evil. He imagined himself with a pile of Muggles in front of him waiting to be tortured with the Cruciatus Curse. He imagined his followers looking at him as he saw them looking at Voldemort.
"About myself taking their places," Harry repeated. That meant that he would kill Voldemort and continue the terror Voldemort made though the wizarding -- and not only that -- world.
If he said something like that, it meant that a part of him really wanted it. It meant that a part of him was already -- already evil.
Or did it? He couldn't be evil, he just knew that he couldn't.
But it could be forced to become evil. That was the moment when he understood a part of the mystery.
Those words he mumbled -- and not only them, all of the images of himself turning dark, his attack over Ron -- everything was the result of the Shadow of Darkness. The spell was meant to make him dark.
That moment felt as if a stone was taken from his heart, bot another one placed in its place. He solved the mystery of the shadow of Darkness -- but he knew that he was turning evil. And there was nothing to do about it. He would fight it as long as he could, but he couldn't imagine how long he would resist the pressure of a spell casted on him, a very strong spell, meant to turn him dark.
Back to the real world, he looked at Ron, with a face that confused everyone. They didn't know what to think, was Harry scared or was he happy?
He was both scared and happy.
"That's it," he continued.
"That's what?" asked Ron.
"This is the result of the Shadow of Darkness. Can't you see? Everything makes sense now. Everything except one thing."
There was one thing that still he didn't know. Who casted the spell?
Hermione and Ron were looking at Harry, still not understanding it. He saw how stupid they looked at that moment, and he was almost ready to laugh about the way they were looking at him -- but then he came back to himself; he knew that those thoughts were quite evil, caused by the Shadow of Darkness. Things that would surely repeat.
"Can't you see it, Hermione? The Shadow of Darkness affected me all the time... Its effects start to show! You know that I wouldn't say something like this normally."
Hermione looked at Harry, and she looked like she was fitting everything in her head to find it by herself.
"The shadow made me say this... the shadow did all these things to me," Harry continued. "This -- damn -- spell is the thing that made me attack Ron! It was the thing that made me fear of becoming dark -- because it DOES make me dark."
Ron looked at Harry stunned. "The shadow --", he started, but ne never finished his sentence -- he was very surprised and it hit him hard.
The next moment, Harry saw that Cho came to the Gryffindow table to listen to them. "What happened?" she asked.
"Harry has... Harry has just realized what the Shadow does," said Hermione.
"The shadow of Darkness," said Harry again, "It is the most terrible thing I could think of. It's the cause of all those things that were happening to me lately."
"What does it do to you?" Cho asked in a lower voice.
"Remember those times when I thought I were going to go dark?" he asked.
"Of course I do."
"They were true." Cho's facial expression became one of terror. "The Shadow does make me dark."
All Cho managed to say was a very weak "No". Harry was looking at her, thinking that if he would go dark he would never manage to see her the way he wanted to see her. If he really went dark, everything in the first part of his life would be lost. He learnt from the Death Eaters that evil wizards don't care about anything. And that meant that he wouldn't care anymore of any of his friends.
"I know you will manage to fight it," Cho said but she was more trying to convince herself that those words were true. "Oh, it's... terrible!"
"I will go, kill Voldemort and become his replacement --" Harry said but he was stopped by Hermione.
"You won't! That's what the Shadow of Darkness wants you to do -- that doesn't mean that you will really --"
"Yes it does," Harry contradicted her, and he saw that everyone around them who listened seemed to agree with him. If it was a spell as strong as they say it is, than Harry could bring no opposition -- and he was only 15.
After a long pause, while everyone around them went silent, Cho continued.
"And... what will we do? There must be something ti be done..."
There was only one thing that could help, and Harry didn't know that. And that thing was to stop the spell -- if there was any way to cure the Shadow of Darkness Harry would be saved, though he would never be like he was before until its effects are cancelled, too. But stopping the spell action didn't cure everything. He was already evil, only a small bit, but he knew he was, and everyone around him could be one of his victims at anytime if he would start attacking.
"We must go and talk to Dumbledore," Harry said. "The fact that we went out at night wouldn't matter anymore now. We know what we are up against. But we do not know who casted the Shadow of Darkness..."
"Or what," Hermione continued.
"Or what," Harry repeated, nodding. "And... how to cure it? I bet Dumbledore has no idea about it. And if he won't know, then nobody will -- not even Madam Pomfrey."
The staff didn't seem to notice anything strange at the Gryffindor table. Dumbledore was talking to Professor McGonagall, laughing every now and then; Flitwick was busy levitating the food and directing it to the other teachers' mouths; and the others were just eating silently from either their plates of from Flitwick's levitating food.
"I guess I'll go now," Harry said, leaving the Great Hall and his friends there. He decided to go to Dumbledore's round office, and tried to remember the password. After almost one minute of thinking, he remembered that it was 'Canary Creams', words which he said to the gargoyle sitting on front of the office stairs.
As he was going up with the moving stairs, he saw the door opening and Dumbledore waiting in front of it.
"Harry, Good evening."
"Good evening, professor."
"Anything new?" Dumbledore asked.
"Yes," Harry continued, asking himself how to start with. "Er -- should I start with the most important information or with the beginning?"
"However you want."
"Well... I guess that you found out about my worries about the Shadow of Darkness..."
"Unfortunately, I did not," Dumbledore answered, and that answer surprised Harry a bit. He thought that Dumbledore would eventually find out -- he had a lack of finding out about everything. "The Shadow of Darkness, you say?"
"Yes professor -- We found out that someone would use the spell on me." Seeing that Harry stopped, Dumbledore told him to continue. "And today I found out that it was used on me. It affected me all along."
Dumbledore didn't say anything while thinking, and then, he slowly answered, "The Shadow of an ancient spell. It was believed that no one knew anything about it and that it was completely forgotten. But there were a few wizards who still knew about it, and they kept it secret. For example, I know that it exists -- but I have no idea what it does. There are rumors that some artifacts had the spell casted on them. And some say that some very strong Dark Wizards know about it, too, but none of these ideas are confirmed yet."
"They are..." said Harry. "I know I have the Shadow of Darkness casted on me, and I know its effects. The only thing I don't know is... who casted it."
"Or what," Dumbledore continued. "So, what does it do?"
"It... turns me dark."
Dumbledore didn't seem to be very surprised about the effects, nor did he seem worried about that. "I thought so," he continued, "I knew it had to do something terrible to whoever it was casted on..."
"Professor, I will turn dark," said Harry, seeing that he didn't seem to care at all. But maybe he already knew how to cure it, because Dumbledore wouldn't act like that when he was talking about something as important as that.
"Or maybe not, Harry. You can't possibly turn dark. I guess it's time to tell you a few things which you should've known all along, Harry." That was enough to start Harry's curiosity; he remembered the moment in his first year when Dumbledore said that he would find out why Voldemort wanted to kill him when he was old enough. Maybe it was the time for that?
Or maybe it wasn't.
"When your parents died, in that night, you know that I immediately sent Hagrid to take you from Godric's Hollow. At that moment, he brought you to me, and all the Hogwarts teachers casted several protection spells on you. Mine was the most interresting idea -- I casted a spell that prevented you to do as we thought Sirius did -- a spell that prevented you from becoming dark. With that spell, it's almost impossible for you to do any evil things."
But that couldn't be true. Harry knew that he already turned a bit evil -- why did he attack Ron if it wasn't as he said?
Dumbledore didn't say that it was impossible, he said it was almost impossible... or maybe what he felt wasn't what the spell had to do -- maybe he had so much resistance to the Shadow so the effect of turning him dark only affected him a bit? Was it just that or was Dumbledore wrong?
Harry fixed his thoughts on the first ideas. He had never seen Dumbledore doing anything wrong before... so maybe he was right that time, too. But it was hard to believe that a spell could turn him dark only in a month...
He couldn't realize what the real thing was.
"I didn't want to tell you that from the beginning, because you could use that a lot -- it could be a lot of help in your, let's call them rulebreaking activities. But I see that you aren't stopped from doing things like that even with this. Take an example the search you did to find the Death Eater only a few nights ago."
Those words took Harry by surprise. How in the world could Dumbledore know what they had done in that night?
"Yes, Harry, I know what you've done there. It's almost impossible to miss a thing like that -- especially with this." Dumbledore looked at a shelf from nearby, and with an "Accio", he summoned a piece of parchment Harry hadn't seem for almost an year. It was the Marauder's Map.
Seeing his precious map, he stared at it, remembering the adventures he went in when he had that map. He couldn't find words to thank Fred and George for giving that -- but he didn't deserve it. He lost it... he wondered if Dumbledore would give him the map back -- but those thoughts were lost so fast when something came to his mind...
Couldn't they just find the Death Eater on the map? If Dumbledore had it all along, why didn't he do anything to help? Why did he allow the Death Eater to attack so many times, when he always knew where the attacker was?
Could Dumbledore be on the same side with the Death Eater?
Of course he couldn't.
But then -- what was happening?
"I know what you think, Harry," Dumbledore continued. "Why didn't I use the map against the Death Eater. It's simple. I suppose that he already knew about the map, and he managed to hide himself from it. I have no idea how he did that because this map has a very strong detection charm planted on it. I guess he casted a spell similar to the spells that make some place unplottable, so they can't be shown on a map. This map couldn't see him -- but I know no unplottable living creatures."
That was enough to explain to Harry everything that bothered him about Dumbledore being a traitor. Harry had the feeling that Dumbledore could read his mind again when Harry could see the headmaster's smile after saying those words -- his smile fitted with Harry's thoughts of seeing Dumbledore evil.
"Well, I guess that you will still have to wait until you will find out more things about yourself and about your family. I would tell you lots of things, nothing would stop me from doing it, but -- there is only one problem." Harry looked at Dumbledore, curious. "It's that... I don't know, either."
That really confused Harry - how could that be; Dumbledore didn't know what Harry's parents did while they were alive? Weren't they aurors?
It seemed that Dumbledore didn't -- and that meant they weren't aurors. It would have been impossible if even Dumbledore didn't know...
And if Dumbledore didn't know, it meant that no one did.
They stood there in silence for quite a long time; Harry was thinking about possible things about himself and his family. If no one knew them, then how could he know?
That question may have had an answer... because it was himself who they were talking about. If he couldn't find out more about his very own parents, then how could others?
But how could him... he and his parents weren't the same person.
After long time of thinking, Harry was ready to leave for the Gryffindor Tower. It was becoming late, and he had classes the next day. And it was very hard to think up of all those things -- so many troubles he had. It was nothing he could do -- just to wait until the Death Eater would find him, and everything would be explained.
But, before he left, Dumbledore stopped him.
"Harry, I think you need this." He summoned the piece of parchment Harry was thinking about and handed him the Marauser'd Map.
Harry was grateful of that -- it could help him when searching for the Death Eater again -- because he knew that they had to do it again. That was his only chance of avoiding the teachers.
Looking on the map, he saw that Dumbledore was right all along -- the Death Eater was nowhere to be found. Looking at his map, he just started walking to the Gryffindor Tower, where he would have a good sleep. A good sleep because he found something at last -- he found out what the Shadow of Darkness was.
The common Room wasn't empty; lots of students were still there. Harry didn't do anything than to ignore them, and passed to the fifth year dormitory, where he hoped he would have a good night's sleep. Entering the dormitory, he saw that Seamus and Dean were there, sleeping.
But his night didn't go well. He just sat on his bed, because he didn't want to sleep yet -- he wanted to give more thoughts to the situation, even though it seemed that he had never thought of something more than all these thoughts that were haunting him lately.
He just looked at the wall in front of him, picturing himself fighting Voldemort. And when he was imagining a moment of intense pain from another Crucio, he heard it again -- the voice that was making his insides freeze in panic.
"It's enough thinking about that," the voice said.
"Who are you?" Harry asked.
"I can't say that it's none of your business, because it is, but it doesn't matter who I am."
"Then what are you," Harry continued. "Is it better said?"
"Maybe... but it doesn't matter either. You'll figure out soon what I am. I just wanted to tell you that Dumbledore didn't seem to tell the truth when he said that it's impossible for you to go dark."
"He did tell the truth," Harry said not wanting to give up.
"You wish. I know that you wish it could be as simple as that, but you know he didn't say what he needed."
"NO!"
"What no?"
"He was right," Harry continued.
"I know what you think, Harry Potter, because you can't hide your feelings from me. You can't hide anything from me."
"How would that be possible?"
"You know it is."
"I DON'T!" Harry shouted, and after that, he heard Seamus saying something. But the voice didn't seem to give up --
"You know that you are already partially dark, you know it as much as I do."
"You don't," Harry told the voice, but then --
"What?" Seamus asked. "Why did you have to scream?"
That was very strange. Didn't he hear the voice? Harry remembered the basilisk, which only he couldn't hear. Was it another serpent talking to him?
"He can't hear me," the voice assured Harry. "Well, See you another time... soon," it continued and it didn't say another word after that.
Harry looked at Seamus, but he wasn't thinking of an answer to his question -- he was only thinking of three things --
First, was the speaker a serpent again? Second, what was it so it knew everything Harry was thinking... Third, was it telling the truth?
But the last question was quite obvious. Harry knew that he was dark already, and he could do nothing to help it -- it seemed like it wasn't him who was taking decisions. The fact that he attacked Ron was quote convincing if he thought in that way -- and the way he blew up on Hermione...
...and the way she acted in those moments.
It was only then when Harry realized that Hermione's unusual actions had to have a connection -- the Shadow of Darkness. She blew up on Malfoy once, with a de-hairing spell; then she acted very strange to Harry a few times -- not only the time before he heard the scary voice for the first time.
But how did they get the spell?
He decided that it wasn't time to go to tell to the others about the new things -- it was better if he left it for the nexy day. He told Seamus that it was a nightmare, and then he went to sleep.
"Harry!", Harry heard through the silence of the dormitory. "Harry, wake up! It's afternoon! Let's go to lunch!"
Harry, sleepy as he was, just turned on the other side of the bed and continued his sleep.
"Harry!"
But he just ignored the voice. He was still sleeping, and could only hear that with half of an ear.
"HARRY!", the person shouted, and then Harry felt something cold tough his face. He immediately raised on his feet, looking at the person who woke him up is if it was the Death Eater.
"Oh, it's you, Ron," Harry said with a very low, sleepy voice. He was holding his wand in the right hand, and Harry understood that the cold feeling he had must have been a result of a spell.
"Who did you think I was?" Ron asked. "Come on, I have just woken up, too, five minutes ago -- we missed two classes already."
Hearing that, Harry started feeling wide awake. All the sleepiness left him in less than a second, and he was ready to start another day. Or better said another half of a day...
They met Hermione in the Common Room. She seemed to have woken up late, too. They could see that in the We-missed-two-classes expression she had on her face. "We missed two classes!" was the first thing she said.
"I know," said Harry. "And I don't blame us. Well, we did it for a noble cause, didn't we?"
"I guess it wasn't," Hermione continued. "I haven't heard of anything strange... and that means either that the Death Eater managed to get out of the place we binded him to the ground, or maybe Dumbledore keeps it secret."
"I'd rather believe the second option," Harry continued.
"I won't. Dumbledore wouldn't let the Hogwarts students stay frightened with the image of seeing the Death Eater breaking into a classroom and attacking them during the classes popping in their mind. He would have told everyone the good news. So, I doubt that he had been caught."
"No..." Harry said more to himself when he found out that Hermione's words made sense. "No, he couldn't escape."
"Maybe he had some assistance from one of his fellow Death Eaters!" Ron gave his opinion.
"Who knows," said Hermione, "We only know that he hadn't been caught. So Hogwarts is still in danger."
"We should have better talked to Dumbledore!" Harry said, slapping himself. "Oh, how could I be so stupid?"
While he walked to the Great Hall, thinking about the 'morning' he had, he noticed that Ron was back to a better mood again. He just hoped that he would stay like that... his help was always needed, they could have done a better job if Ron was in their team while they searched for the Death Eater.
In the Great Hall, Harry looked at the Ravenclaw table to see Cho. He had to ask her about the Death Eater. Did she know that he escaped? He had to talk to her to ask about that; and then to talk about the next thing they would do about the Death Eater. They had Ron, and if they were four they stood a better chance. Even though the Death Eater would be more cautious, too, he couldn't face them all at once -- and one of them was Harry Potter himself.
They talked but found out nothing new. The Death Eater was free and they had to do something about it. The Shadow of Darkness was even more mysterious with the things the Death Eater told them.
They all thought about it for several days, but they hadn't found anything sure. They knew that the Shadow was casted on Harry -- and possibly not only him -- by somebody else than the Death Eater. Could it be Voldemort? Maybe he casted the spell while at the graveyard three moths ago when he witnessed Voldemort's return to power...
Or who else could cast it?
They haven't realized who the Death Eater was. Their only conclusion was that he surely put them under a spell that stopped them from recognizing him. And who could it be?
Nobody who could have done something like that passed through Harry's mind.
Thinking about those mysteries brought back to Harry's mind even more things. What about himself turning dark? What about the blank pages of the Dark book of Dark Arts?
What about the time when he almost attacked Ron with a snake.
Everything was so cloudy in Harry's -- and not only his -- mind. Hermione and Cho couldn't find anything either, not to talk about Ron, who seemed to ignore these of Harry's worries and think of his father more.
He had a strange opinion that those things had a connection. Why was he forced to read the Dark book of Dark Arts a few weeks before? The Death Eater casted a spell that made him go and read the book...
That was quite obvious. The Death Eater just wanted Harry to have an idea what he was fighting against.
Still, they all reached to no conclusions at all. Everything seemed to be connected but he couldn't think about what was happening. Would it be better to tell Dumbledore?
No, it couldn't. He decided to think more about it -- or wait until something strange happened again.
And it did happen quite soon. The next sunday, they all stood in Great Hall at dinner. They were quiet, because no words seemed to pass through their minds after so many tries of finding out something about the dark things happening around.
Harry was just eating and he didn't want to think of anything that could ruin a pleasant dinner. But he didn't have to wait more until Ron looked at him in an unusual way.
"What is it?" Harry asked.
"What were you mumbling about?" Ron asked.
"Me?"
"Yes, you," said Ron, looking at Harry as if he was looking at an idiot.
"Did I?" Harry asked, looking at Hermione, hoping that he would get an answer.
"Yes, you did," she answered, and then she went back to the dinner.
What did that mean, Harry asked himself. He didn't even realize that he was mumbling something. "Did you, by any chance, understand what I said?"
"Yes," said Ron, "A bit of it. You said something like 'I'll kill him. Kill him and his master'. That was what I understood... you continued something about -- about..." but Ron didn't seem to want to tell Harry about that.
"About what?"
"About... I can't say it. I know it will come as a shock to you."
"Ron, for God's sake, just say it!" said Harry, feeling that if Ron didn't agree he would lose his temper.
"It was... do you really -- really think you want to hear it?"
"OF COURSE I DO!" Harry shouted annoyed. "Just say it!"
"About yourself taking their places."
That almost made Harry's heart stop. That almost cleared a few things for him. That sentence made, again, in front of his eyes, the image of himself turning dark. And it wasn't like it was before -- this one was even worse. He imagined himself being like Voldemort was... merciless, heartless and... evil. He imagined himself with a pile of Muggles in front of him waiting to be tortured with the Cruciatus Curse. He imagined his followers looking at him as he saw them looking at Voldemort.
"About myself taking their places," Harry repeated. That meant that he would kill Voldemort and continue the terror Voldemort made though the wizarding -- and not only that -- world.
If he said something like that, it meant that a part of him really wanted it. It meant that a part of him was already -- already evil.
Or did it? He couldn't be evil, he just knew that he couldn't.
But it could be forced to become evil. That was the moment when he understood a part of the mystery.
Those words he mumbled -- and not only them, all of the images of himself turning dark, his attack over Ron -- everything was the result of the Shadow of Darkness. The spell was meant to make him dark.
That moment felt as if a stone was taken from his heart, bot another one placed in its place. He solved the mystery of the shadow of Darkness -- but he knew that he was turning evil. And there was nothing to do about it. He would fight it as long as he could, but he couldn't imagine how long he would resist the pressure of a spell casted on him, a very strong spell, meant to turn him dark.
Back to the real world, he looked at Ron, with a face that confused everyone. They didn't know what to think, was Harry scared or was he happy?
He was both scared and happy.
"That's it," he continued.
"That's what?" asked Ron.
"This is the result of the Shadow of Darkness. Can't you see? Everything makes sense now. Everything except one thing."
There was one thing that still he didn't know. Who casted the spell?
Hermione and Ron were looking at Harry, still not understanding it. He saw how stupid they looked at that moment, and he was almost ready to laugh about the way they were looking at him -- but then he came back to himself; he knew that those thoughts were quite evil, caused by the Shadow of Darkness. Things that would surely repeat.
"Can't you see it, Hermione? The Shadow of Darkness affected me all the time... Its effects start to show! You know that I wouldn't say something like this normally."
Hermione looked at Harry, and she looked like she was fitting everything in her head to find it by herself.
"The shadow made me say this... the shadow did all these things to me," Harry continued. "This -- damn -- spell is the thing that made me attack Ron! It was the thing that made me fear of becoming dark -- because it DOES make me dark."
Ron looked at Harry stunned. "The shadow --", he started, but ne never finished his sentence -- he was very surprised and it hit him hard.
The next moment, Harry saw that Cho came to the Gryffindow table to listen to them. "What happened?" she asked.
"Harry has... Harry has just realized what the Shadow does," said Hermione.
"The shadow of Darkness," said Harry again, "It is the most terrible thing I could think of. It's the cause of all those things that were happening to me lately."
"What does it do to you?" Cho asked in a lower voice.
"Remember those times when I thought I were going to go dark?" he asked.
"Of course I do."
"They were true." Cho's facial expression became one of terror. "The Shadow does make me dark."
All Cho managed to say was a very weak "No". Harry was looking at her, thinking that if he would go dark he would never manage to see her the way he wanted to see her. If he really went dark, everything in the first part of his life would be lost. He learnt from the Death Eaters that evil wizards don't care about anything. And that meant that he wouldn't care anymore of any of his friends.
"I know you will manage to fight it," Cho said but she was more trying to convince herself that those words were true. "Oh, it's... terrible!"
"I will go, kill Voldemort and become his replacement --" Harry said but he was stopped by Hermione.
"You won't! That's what the Shadow of Darkness wants you to do -- that doesn't mean that you will really --"
"Yes it does," Harry contradicted her, and he saw that everyone around them who listened seemed to agree with him. If it was a spell as strong as they say it is, than Harry could bring no opposition -- and he was only 15.
After a long pause, while everyone around them went silent, Cho continued.
"And... what will we do? There must be something ti be done..."
There was only one thing that could help, and Harry didn't know that. And that thing was to stop the spell -- if there was any way to cure the Shadow of Darkness Harry would be saved, though he would never be like he was before until its effects are cancelled, too. But stopping the spell action didn't cure everything. He was already evil, only a small bit, but he knew he was, and everyone around him could be one of his victims at anytime if he would start attacking.
"We must go and talk to Dumbledore," Harry said. "The fact that we went out at night wouldn't matter anymore now. We know what we are up against. But we do not know who casted the Shadow of Darkness..."
"Or what," Hermione continued.
"Or what," Harry repeated, nodding. "And... how to cure it? I bet Dumbledore has no idea about it. And if he won't know, then nobody will -- not even Madam Pomfrey."
The staff didn't seem to notice anything strange at the Gryffindor table. Dumbledore was talking to Professor McGonagall, laughing every now and then; Flitwick was busy levitating the food and directing it to the other teachers' mouths; and the others were just eating silently from either their plates of from Flitwick's levitating food.
"I guess I'll go now," Harry said, leaving the Great Hall and his friends there. He decided to go to Dumbledore's round office, and tried to remember the password. After almost one minute of thinking, he remembered that it was 'Canary Creams', words which he said to the gargoyle sitting on front of the office stairs.
As he was going up with the moving stairs, he saw the door opening and Dumbledore waiting in front of it.
"Harry, Good evening."
"Good evening, professor."
"Anything new?" Dumbledore asked.
"Yes," Harry continued, asking himself how to start with. "Er -- should I start with the most important information or with the beginning?"
"However you want."
"Well... I guess that you found out about my worries about the Shadow of Darkness..."
"Unfortunately, I did not," Dumbledore answered, and that answer surprised Harry a bit. He thought that Dumbledore would eventually find out -- he had a lack of finding out about everything. "The Shadow of Darkness, you say?"
"Yes professor -- We found out that someone would use the spell on me." Seeing that Harry stopped, Dumbledore told him to continue. "And today I found out that it was used on me. It affected me all along."
Dumbledore didn't say anything while thinking, and then, he slowly answered, "The Shadow of an ancient spell. It was believed that no one knew anything about it and that it was completely forgotten. But there were a few wizards who still knew about it, and they kept it secret. For example, I know that it exists -- but I have no idea what it does. There are rumors that some artifacts had the spell casted on them. And some say that some very strong Dark Wizards know about it, too, but none of these ideas are confirmed yet."
"They are..." said Harry. "I know I have the Shadow of Darkness casted on me, and I know its effects. The only thing I don't know is... who casted it."
"Or what," Dumbledore continued. "So, what does it do?"
"It... turns me dark."
Dumbledore didn't seem to be very surprised about the effects, nor did he seem worried about that. "I thought so," he continued, "I knew it had to do something terrible to whoever it was casted on..."
"Professor, I will turn dark," said Harry, seeing that he didn't seem to care at all. But maybe he already knew how to cure it, because Dumbledore wouldn't act like that when he was talking about something as important as that.
"Or maybe not, Harry. You can't possibly turn dark. I guess it's time to tell you a few things which you should've known all along, Harry." That was enough to start Harry's curiosity; he remembered the moment in his first year when Dumbledore said that he would find out why Voldemort wanted to kill him when he was old enough. Maybe it was the time for that?
Or maybe it wasn't.
"When your parents died, in that night, you know that I immediately sent Hagrid to take you from Godric's Hollow. At that moment, he brought you to me, and all the Hogwarts teachers casted several protection spells on you. Mine was the most interresting idea -- I casted a spell that prevented you to do as we thought Sirius did -- a spell that prevented you from becoming dark. With that spell, it's almost impossible for you to do any evil things."
But that couldn't be true. Harry knew that he already turned a bit evil -- why did he attack Ron if it wasn't as he said?
Dumbledore didn't say that it was impossible, he said it was almost impossible... or maybe what he felt wasn't what the spell had to do -- maybe he had so much resistance to the Shadow so the effect of turning him dark only affected him a bit? Was it just that or was Dumbledore wrong?
Harry fixed his thoughts on the first ideas. He had never seen Dumbledore doing anything wrong before... so maybe he was right that time, too. But it was hard to believe that a spell could turn him dark only in a month...
He couldn't realize what the real thing was.
"I didn't want to tell you that from the beginning, because you could use that a lot -- it could be a lot of help in your, let's call them rulebreaking activities. But I see that you aren't stopped from doing things like that even with this. Take an example the search you did to find the Death Eater only a few nights ago."
Those words took Harry by surprise. How in the world could Dumbledore know what they had done in that night?
"Yes, Harry, I know what you've done there. It's almost impossible to miss a thing like that -- especially with this." Dumbledore looked at a shelf from nearby, and with an "Accio", he summoned a piece of parchment Harry hadn't seem for almost an year. It was the Marauder's Map.
Seeing his precious map, he stared at it, remembering the adventures he went in when he had that map. He couldn't find words to thank Fred and George for giving that -- but he didn't deserve it. He lost it... he wondered if Dumbledore would give him the map back -- but those thoughts were lost so fast when something came to his mind...
Couldn't they just find the Death Eater on the map? If Dumbledore had it all along, why didn't he do anything to help? Why did he allow the Death Eater to attack so many times, when he always knew where the attacker was?
Could Dumbledore be on the same side with the Death Eater?
Of course he couldn't.
But then -- what was happening?
"I know what you think, Harry," Dumbledore continued. "Why didn't I use the map against the Death Eater. It's simple. I suppose that he already knew about the map, and he managed to hide himself from it. I have no idea how he did that because this map has a very strong detection charm planted on it. I guess he casted a spell similar to the spells that make some place unplottable, so they can't be shown on a map. This map couldn't see him -- but I know no unplottable living creatures."
That was enough to explain to Harry everything that bothered him about Dumbledore being a traitor. Harry had the feeling that Dumbledore could read his mind again when Harry could see the headmaster's smile after saying those words -- his smile fitted with Harry's thoughts of seeing Dumbledore evil.
"Well, I guess that you will still have to wait until you will find out more things about yourself and about your family. I would tell you lots of things, nothing would stop me from doing it, but -- there is only one problem." Harry looked at Dumbledore, curious. "It's that... I don't know, either."
That really confused Harry - how could that be; Dumbledore didn't know what Harry's parents did while they were alive? Weren't they aurors?
It seemed that Dumbledore didn't -- and that meant they weren't aurors. It would have been impossible if even Dumbledore didn't know...
And if Dumbledore didn't know, it meant that no one did.
They stood there in silence for quite a long time; Harry was thinking about possible things about himself and his family. If no one knew them, then how could he know?
That question may have had an answer... because it was himself who they were talking about. If he couldn't find out more about his very own parents, then how could others?
But how could him... he and his parents weren't the same person.
After long time of thinking, Harry was ready to leave for the Gryffindor Tower. It was becoming late, and he had classes the next day. And it was very hard to think up of all those things -- so many troubles he had. It was nothing he could do -- just to wait until the Death Eater would find him, and everything would be explained.
But, before he left, Dumbledore stopped him.
"Harry, I think you need this." He summoned the piece of parchment Harry was thinking about and handed him the Marauser'd Map.
Harry was grateful of that -- it could help him when searching for the Death Eater again -- because he knew that they had to do it again. That was his only chance of avoiding the teachers.
Looking on the map, he saw that Dumbledore was right all along -- the Death Eater was nowhere to be found. Looking at his map, he just started walking to the Gryffindor Tower, where he would have a good sleep. A good sleep because he found something at last -- he found out what the Shadow of Darkness was.
The common Room wasn't empty; lots of students were still there. Harry didn't do anything than to ignore them, and passed to the fifth year dormitory, where he hoped he would have a good night's sleep. Entering the dormitory, he saw that Seamus and Dean were there, sleeping.
But his night didn't go well. He just sat on his bed, because he didn't want to sleep yet -- he wanted to give more thoughts to the situation, even though it seemed that he had never thought of something more than all these thoughts that were haunting him lately.
He just looked at the wall in front of him, picturing himself fighting Voldemort. And when he was imagining a moment of intense pain from another Crucio, he heard it again -- the voice that was making his insides freeze in panic.
"It's enough thinking about that," the voice said.
"Who are you?" Harry asked.
"I can't say that it's none of your business, because it is, but it doesn't matter who I am."
"Then what are you," Harry continued. "Is it better said?"
"Maybe... but it doesn't matter either. You'll figure out soon what I am. I just wanted to tell you that Dumbledore didn't seem to tell the truth when he said that it's impossible for you to go dark."
"He did tell the truth," Harry said not wanting to give up.
"You wish. I know that you wish it could be as simple as that, but you know he didn't say what he needed."
"NO!"
"What no?"
"He was right," Harry continued.
"I know what you think, Harry Potter, because you can't hide your feelings from me. You can't hide anything from me."
"How would that be possible?"
"You know it is."
"I DON'T!" Harry shouted, and after that, he heard Seamus saying something. But the voice didn't seem to give up --
"You know that you are already partially dark, you know it as much as I do."
"You don't," Harry told the voice, but then --
"What?" Seamus asked. "Why did you have to scream?"
That was very strange. Didn't he hear the voice? Harry remembered the basilisk, which only he couldn't hear. Was it another serpent talking to him?
"He can't hear me," the voice assured Harry. "Well, See you another time... soon," it continued and it didn't say another word after that.
Harry looked at Seamus, but he wasn't thinking of an answer to his question -- he was only thinking of three things --
First, was the speaker a serpent again? Second, what was it so it knew everything Harry was thinking... Third, was it telling the truth?
But the last question was quite obvious. Harry knew that he was dark already, and he could do nothing to help it -- it seemed like it wasn't him who was taking decisions. The fact that he attacked Ron was quote convincing if he thought in that way -- and the way he blew up on Hermione...
...and the way she acted in those moments.
It was only then when Harry realized that Hermione's unusual actions had to have a connection -- the Shadow of Darkness. She blew up on Malfoy once, with a de-hairing spell; then she acted very strange to Harry a few times -- not only the time before he heard the scary voice for the first time.
But how did they get the spell?
He decided that it wasn't time to go to tell to the others about the new things -- it was better if he left it for the nexy day. He told Seamus that it was a nightmare, and then he went to sleep.