BENEATH OLD DREAMS

Chapter Three

At present time…

Laguna was wide-awake as he remained motionless in his bed. He did not even open his eyes. He did not want Squall to know that he was already awake. Squall was sleeping softly on the other bed.

Squall was his son, his only son. Squall was twenty-five years old and was a spitting image of his father when Laguna was still his age. Laguna, on the other hand, was forty-nine years old. One more year and he'll turn fifty.

And here he was, lying in his bed, thinking of his old dreams. He still couldn't believe that he was here in Deling. How many years had passed since he left Balamb? Thirty-three years since he graduated in high school. Twenty-eight years since he returned.

Two bitter and painful memories.

The first one was the first heartache of his entire life. That was when he and Julia were broken apart without even saying goodbye to her. But he left with his heart laden with love and hope for the dreams that they built together.

He held on to his promise to Julia. "I'll return. I'll come back and get you. I will marry you."

Because his mind and his heart were centered on Julia, he did not hesitate when he went with his mother to Esthar. He tried to be a good son. He got on good terms with his stepfather. He knew he had to because he knew his stepfather would help him study and finish college in Esthar.

It was not practical if he ran away and took risks there. Esthar is not his territory. He did not even know the place. And he set himself to do what he had to do in the shortest time possible. He finished Accounting at a small community college. He did not depend on his parents. The help he needed from them was processing his legal status in Esthar and providing him with his basic needs.

To pay for his tuition, he got into a study-now-pay-later program. After he graduated, the program even helped him get a good job. Then he started returning the money he borrowed for his schooling.

For his other expenses, he became a working student in the community college he was studying in. He accepted all kinds of work that needed student assistance—teaching assistant, library work and even janitorial services.

When he arrived in Esthar, he immediately wrote a letter to Julia. He informed her of their new address in Esthar. At first, he was not baffled when his first set of letters were unanswered. He was already expecting that it was possible for Julia's parents to block his letters. He thought to himself that his letters to Edea would not be hindered.

He persevered. He continued writing letters to Julia and Edea. And then to Edea's parents.

He explained. He begged. He stated over and over again his honorable intentions for Julia, his preparations for their future together. And in four years, he did not receive a single response from Balamb.

He did not lose hope.

When he finished Accounting, he immediately got an exam to be a licensed accountant. And even if the exam results had not been released yet, he worked full time. He was an accounting clerk at first.

He passed the exam. He got licensed. He got better job opportunities. For a year, he saved up. He worked three jobs just to earn money. At that time, he was already living on his own. He rented a small and affordable apartment. He only spent his money on the apartment's rest and paid his study loan. He did not spend much. Even on food, what mattered to him was that he ate something. He didn't mind the taste.

He saved enough money to return to Balamb. Just enough money to marry Julia and to take her back with him to Esthar. Or if Julia liked, to start life in Balamb. Laguna would just look for a job in Balamb and then he would just send money to Esthar to pay for his remaining monthly payments for his student loan.

From the airport, he headed straight to Julia's house. His eagerness to see her overcame his jetlag.

Laguna was surprised when a stranger opened the gate. The stranger told him that after he left, Julia's family also left Balamb. The person who bought the Heartilly house did not know where in Deling Julia lived. He proceeded to Edea's grocery. He also learned that Edea was not there.

Edea's parents treated him badly. For them, Laguna was the cause of all the turmoil that happened, turmoil that humiliated them. That turmoil was the reason they had to send their daughter away. They even blamed him for Edea's decision to stay in Deling after her very short return after her graduation.

"Yes, we received your letters. So what?" Edward spoke.

"Sir, I'm here because I kept my promise," Laguna said. "I'm already a licensed accountant in Esthar. I saved money to return here and ask for Jules'… Julia's hand in marriage. I will marry her. I will give her a good life here or in Esthar."

"We can not decide on that," Edward said coldly. "Only her parents can decide."

"I'm prepared to face them," he said. "May I please get their home address in Deling?" he humbly asked.

Edward refused. "Tell us where we can find you. I'll tell my brother. It's up to him if he will agree to meet and talk to you."

Laguna couldn't do anything. He needed to stay first at a pension house in Balamb as he waited for the Heartillys' decision.

Only James met with him.

"What are you doing here? Haven't you done enough?" he exploded.

"I'm just keeping my promise to your daughter, sir," he calmly spoke. "I'm already a professional. I would like to ask for Julia's hand. I will give her a good life."

James had a smug look on his face. "Even if you became a millionaire, you are not the person we would want for our daughter."

Laguna was confused. "W-why?"

"Because we did not raise our daughter to bear children tainted with your dirty personality. Even if they do not become rich, as long as they can maintain their race honorable."

And Laguna understood everything. That was the reason why Julia's parents disapproved of him, not because they were young. Julia's parents were not even afraid that the lovers will regret marrying early, or Laguna will just deceive Julia.

The Heartillys were disgusted of his personality.

Of course. Why did he forget that fact? That fact that he was a bastard?

Maybe, because Julia did not see him that way. Beside the woman who loved him no matter what, Laguna forgot about the bad image that was tattooed on his personality—him being a bastard. And if he would listen to the rumors, he was the son of a promiscuous woman.

Laguna became blind and deaf to these scandals because he found serenity in Julia's love.

He was brought to reality. All his efforts and sacrifices to prepare for this moment were meaningless. The Heartillys have long closed their doors to him—and he couldn't do anything to make them open those doors for him, then, now, and forever.

James left. Earlier, Laguna was full of confidence, but now he was wounded.

Laguna left without talking to anyone. He did not even knew that Kiros got married a year ago. He went back to Esthar without even a glimpse of Julia. He felt he had no strength to fight.

He worked like a robot. He had no direction. His life was miserable. Even if he was not saving for anything, he remained miserable in his small apartment. He continued doing the things he was doing—wake up, eat, work, go home, eat, and sleep. He was still handling three jobs. For Laguna, that was better than being miserable at home. When he finished paying for his student loan, all his money went straight to the bank.

His so-called lifestyle went on for a year until his mother stepped in.

"Don't be a fool, Laguna," she told him. "I did not raise you and bring you here in Esthar just to see you wasting your life on nothing."

Laguna did not even have the strength to argue.

When his mother saw his money in the bank and his regular salary, she convinced him to buy his own house.

"If that's what you want, Mom," he said.

She found him a house and bought it. She even decorated and arranged the house for him. She asked him to buy a car. She bought him decent clothes and other personal things.

He just let her do what she wanted. After that, she looked for a wife for Laguna. Carol dragged him to all the social functions she and her Estharian husband went to. And there he was introduced to Raine.

Like him, Raine's parents were from Balamb and Esthar. Raine was born in Esthar. He immediately liked her. Raine liked him, too. She said that Laguna was kind, industrious, responsible and respectful. Even her parents thought that, too.

His mother also liked Raine for him.

Okay. So he married Raine.

Seven years after he left Balamb, he married a woman who was not Julia. Laguna felt that he was another person as he stood in front of the altar. He just went with the flow.

They had a child. They named him Squall.

And Laguna came back to life, because of Squall. His world revolved only around his son.

Squall was five years old when Raine asked him for divorce. She couldn't bear their situation. Okay, Laguna was kind and responsible. He did everything a good husband did. But Laguna wasn't himself. She said that he was like a mechanical robot every time he moved and spoke. He had no feelings. Raine thought that Laguna was just unfeeling.

But when Squall came, Laguna was a different person when he spoke with his son. He became a person.

Raine put up with this for five years. Five years and then she gave up.

Their separation was not bad. They remained friends. Squall lived with his mother for a week, then at his father's the next week, and so on. The estranged couple lived in one village.

When Raine got married again, Laguna asked her if Squall could permanently reside in his house and visit Raine at hers. Raine agreed. She got pregnant immediately with her second husband's first baby.

Squall grew up in Laguna's company, but his communication with Raine and her new family continued.

Father and son bonded and became closer.

Laguna thought Squall would be his only happiness.

Until last month. Laguna's birthday.

Squall was always prepared for his father's birthday. When he was still a young boy, he would make Laguna a special birthday card. When he grew up, his surprises became more interesting.

Squall cooked and prepared Laguna breakfast in bed.

He asked his mother to teach him to bake a cake so that Squall could make him a birthday cake.

Squall made a special home movie about Laguna with their video camera.

When Squall became a licensed accountant like him, he spent more money on his father's birthday.

Squall brought him to a five-star hotel and casino for leisure. He bought tickets to watch a Broadway show in Dollet.

Squall even said, "Dad, I'll save up. Next time, we'll take a trip abroud."

Laguna was very happy with Squall's thoughtfulness.

But last month, Squall did something different. Squall brought him to the most expensive restaurant in Esthar for dinner on his birthday last month. Afterwards, his son asked him, "Dad, what will make you happy? I mean, really happy?"

Laguna shrugged. "You," he said. "You're the one who makes me happy, son. I can't wish for anything else."

Squall shook his head. "That's not true," he said. "There's something missing in your life, Dad. Mom and I have always talked about this. I want to know what it is. I want to give it to you."

Laguna was surprised. He was not expecting that his son would notice the sadness that he was hiding. He looked at Squall intently. Squall was already a man. He could have left his house and lived on his own. He can already live all by himself. But Squall stayed by his side. And now, he understood why.

Squall worried about leaving him. He can't leave his father with his sadness that's why Squall wanted to know what could make Laguna happy. He wanted to know how he could fill that emptiness in his father's life.

Laguna decided it was time to tell Squall everything. He would also explain that Squall did not need to do anything for him. There wasn't anything that could fill that emptiness in his life. The only thing Squall could do was to search for his own happiness. And, Laguna decided, he would be happy—from his son's happiness.

Laguna first finished their dinner. After eating, he suggested they go to their favorite pub. There, while drinking his favorite beer, he recounted his whole life to his son.

He did not expect Squall to be moved by his life story. He saw tears fall from his son's eyes. Squall loved him that much.

"I've never loved a woman like that, Dad," Squall whispered.

Laguna explained that he also loved Raine.

"I understand," his son said. "You don't have to apologize, Dad. You loved Mom in the only way you were capable of at that time. You couldn't give her more because Julia already has the rest of your love."

He did not feel any accusation from Squall. Squall understood what he felt. "Thank you for understanding, son," he tearfully said.

But Squall shook his head. "It doesn't stop here, Dad," he said. "I told you, I want to make you happy. We're not giving up. We're going to Deling."

Laguna refused. What for? What will he gain when he went to Deling? Julia and he were already old. Julia may have already a family.

But Squall said, "What if she never married? What if she's separated, like you? Or what if she's now a widow? Let's take a chance, Dad."

Squall was determined. What was the worst thing that could happen? If Julia had a family, Squall asked him to just talk to her. Squall said that maybe that could help comfort Laguna knowing that the woman he loved is in good hands.

Of course, Laguna thought to himself. He did not want to take away the chance for Julia to be happy with another man. Of course, he would get hurt, but that hurt is worth everything knowing that Julia is happy.

And if not, if by chance Julia is also longing for their past, just like him, maybe there's still a chance that they could be happy again.

One last risk to take. One last chance to reach an old dream.

Which brought Laguna and Squall here, living in a hotel in Deling. This is their fourth day in Deling. The moment they arrived, they looked for a security agency they can hire to find Julia. They even asked the hotel staff for help to choose a security agency. The staff recommended their very own security agency. And the director was the one who talked to them. Laguna told him all the information he knew about Julia.

"Initially give us three days, Mr. Loire," Director Ward Corvin said. "I will report everything we can get by then. Based on that, we'll plan what we should do next."

Laguna and Squall was quite surprised, and impressed, to know that in just a short time, the agency could already report something. Ward said that he thinks it would not be difficult to locate Julia with all the information Laguna had given him.

Today, Ward was scheduled to give them the first report at ten in the morning.

Laguna didn't know what time it was already. He didn't want to get up. He was afraid of what Ward was going to tell them. What if Julia already has a family and she was very happy? Yes, he knew he should be happy for her. But he thought if that was the case, he would feel dying. Laguna kept his eyes closed and prayed.

~.*.~ ~.*.~ ~.*.~

"Dad… Dad, wake up?" Squall said as he nudged his father.

Laguna opened his eyes. He fell asleep as he was thinking about Julia.

"Breakfast is here, Dad," Squall announced, smiling.

Laguna sat up. He saw a rolling tray at the foot of his bed. Squall called room service.

"It's almost nine," Squall told him.

Laguna nodded. "Okay… okay," he said as he stretched his arms. When he sat down, he noticed Squall had already taken a bath and was dressed decently. His son was already prepared to face their fourth day in Deling. Laguna took a deep breath. He knew he needed to face the truth, no matter what that truth is.

"I'll take a shower first," he said. "Go ahead and eat," he told his son.

But when Laguna came out of the shower, he saw Squall sipping coffee, the food remained untouched. Squall waited for him.

Father and son ate breakfast together after Laguna got dressed. Ward arrived shortly after they finished eating. He was smiling widely at them.

"I have very good news, Mr. Loire," he said. "I think we have everything we need." Ward handed a brown envelope to Laguna.

Laguna accepted it but he did not open the envelope. He was scared.

"Just like what I had told you, we easily got the information that you wanted," Ward said. The present address of Julia Heartilly Caraway in Deling is in there."

Laguna felt cold. "Caraway?"

"She is the widower of General Vincent Caraway. He died thirteen years ago."

A deep sigh escaped from Laguna's lips. Hope rose in his heart. "She did not marry again?"

Ward shook his head. "No. She has a daughter. Her name is Rinoa, twenty-two years old. They have a picture in the envelope. One of my detectives took that picture yesterday at the front of their house. He used telephoto lens so the picture has a grainy look."

Laguna's hands were shaking as he opened the brown envelope. He slid out an 8x10 blow-up photo of Julia and Rinoa. He thought he was in the past. The young lady in the picture was an exact replica of Julia when she was sixteen years old. It was like seeing his Jules before he left Esthar. But it was impossible that that young lady was his Jules. His eyes wandered off to the other woman in the photograph.

He felt his heart explode with emotion. This is his Jules. Even after thirty-three years, she still looked beautiful. Julia's beauty ripened despite her forty-nine years of age. Her hair is now short. Back in high school her hair was long, almost reaching her waist, and she always wore it down. But now she looked sophisticated with her shoulder-length hair. She looked elegant. Julia was smiling in the picture, smiling at her equally beautiful daughter.

Laguna knew that smile, those eyes that were full of love. That was how Julia always smiled at him during their younger years.

Julia aged but her beauty never ceased. Her body was properly taken care of. She looked like a young woman in the simple navy blue sleeved dress that reached just below her knees. Laguna felt his eyes moisten with tears.

~.*.~ ~.*.~ ~.*.~

"She's beautiful, Dad," Squall said. He was holding the picture of Julia and Rinoa but he was staring at the young woman. Ward had left fifteen minutes ago. Both father and son remained in the living room.

"She's always been beautiful," Laguna said.

Squall knew that his father was referring to Julia. He smiled. "If your Jules looked anything like her daughter does today, I can understand how you fell that much in love with her," he said. He saw that mother and daughter were two faces of the same coin. It was not hard to imagine that in the past Rinoa was like the Jules of his father.

But now, Squall was mesmerized with Rinoa. Even if the photograph was quite blurred, the beauty of the young woman was obvious. She looked more beautiful because she was smiling back at her mother; a smile that brightened up her heart-shaped face that enhanced her simple beauty. The photograph caught Rinoa brushing a strand of her long raven hair from her face. Squall thought Rinoa was the epitome of the perfect woman He felt that he needed to know this girl. He glanced at his father.

"What are we waiting for, Dad? Let's go."

A/N: Hi! Hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. I'd like to thank 'From Above' for reading and reviewing my last chapter. It was really nice of you to say that. Maybe LagunaXJulia fics do not appeal to the readers. Even so, I'd continue updating this fic! =D

Anyways, comments, suggestions and criticisms – yes, criticisms! – are welcome and would really mean a lot to me. So please read and review.