Author's note: Sorry this chapter is so late. I've been extra busy this
past week and haven't gotten a chance to get it finished. And I'm planning
on editing it and adding the scene at the end with Richard. I'll probably
post the changes when I add the chapter for Out of Africa. In the
meantime, enjoy this chapter, and please send me lots of reviews :)
Chapter Four: Shifts Happen
Abby stuffed another chart in the rack and breathed a sigh of relief. Her shift was almost over. It had been another incredibly long, pain-in-the- ass day. They were still down to only one attending per shift, plus Weaver today, which had only really added to her headache.
She was starting to get used to the residents, even though Cooper was the only one pulling his weight, but the med students were still driving her crazy. And then there were the new nurses. Weaver had brought them to her like an unwanted flu bug; there'd been nothing she could do to get rid of them. All of them were barely out of nursing school, and none of them had ever worked in a busy emergency room before. She saw the looks on their faces, and could only imagine what was going through their minds.
She prayed she hadn't been that maddening when she'd been fresh out of nursing school.
She headed down the hall, two of the nurses trailing behind her like baby ducklings. There was one advantage to these crazy shifts though, she thought. When she was this busy, she didn't have time to stop and think about Luka and Gillian.
She cringed inwardly. Maybe it was immature, maybe it was petty, but Abby hated the other woman. There was something off-putting about her. It wasn't anything obvious; just something in her manner that grated on Abby's nerves. Beyond the fact that she was seeing Luka, that is.
She wanted Luka to be happy. He deserved it, after everything he'd been through, but she didn't think he'd find that with Gillian. She didn't strike Abby as the type of woman who would stick around in the long run. She seemed like the type of woman who would leave when she got bored. Abby didn't want to see her hurt Luka.
* * * * *
Abby was really, really tired of nobody listening to her. Trauma after trauma, minor injury after minor injury, her suggestions and observations were pushed aside. It had been happening more and more lately. She didn't know if it was because the hospital had been so much busier than usual, and everyone was more stressed than usual, or if it was just that the doctors' respect for nurses was decreasing. But whatever the reason, she was sick of being ignored. She knew what she was talking about. She'd been a nurse for years, and she'd made it through med school near the top of her class. Maybe she wasn't authorized to perform procedures like the central line Neela was currently making an unsuccessful attempt to put in, but that didn't mean she didn't know how to do it. She wished everyone would realize that.
A few minutes later she handed a pile of charts to Pratt and headed down the hall with Susan, who was grinning from ear to ear. "You leaving?" Abby guessed.
"Yeah, finally," Susan said. "It's been almost sixteen hours, and I am more than ready to go home. When are you getting off?"
"I was supposed to be off an hour ago."
"You let yourself get dragged back in? Are you a glutton for punishment or what?"
"Hey, you stayed late too," Abby said with half a smile. "This place just sucks you in and doesn't let go."
"It would help if Weaver would hire a few more docs," Susan said.
"It would help even more if the docs we already have would listen to the nurses once in a while," Abby muttered. A little louder she added, "It would also be nice if we could get some competent nurses around here."
"New nurses not working out?"
"This is no place to put someone barely out of nursing school. I don't care how cheap they are. So far most of them have only gotten in the way. They don't know what they're doing, and I don't have the time or energy to teach them."
"Not to mention the temperament," Susan added, smiling to make sure Abby didn't take it wrong.
"Don't I know it."
"So what about when you finally get out of here? Got any plans?"
"Is Chuck out of town?" Abby joked, then shook her head and sighed. "Well...Gillian, uh, invited me to dinner."
"Who's Gillian?"
"She's...Luka's girlfriend," Abby said, trying not to choke on the words. It was somehow worse to say them aloud. "I called to see how Luka was doing, she answered, and she invited me to have dinner with them."
"That sounds a little awkward," Susan said. "Are you going to go?"
"I don't know," Abby said at length. "I guess I'll just decide when I leave here."
"If you ever manage that," Susan said as they reached the lounge. Susan disappeared inside, and Abby headed back to the admit desk, ready to face the next in the shift's endless trials.
* * * * *
Of course, she went. She really didn't want to have dinner with them, but her desire to see Luka overrode her discomfort at the thought of spending time in the other woman's presence. Since Carter's letter and Luka's return, she'd been thinking a lot about the mistakes she'd made in her life. One of the biggest, she'd decided, had been the way she'd let her relationship with Luka disintegrate. Only after it was far too late had she realized just how much she missed him, how much she loved spending time with him. So when she finally got off work around nine thirty, she headed for his apartment.
When he opened his door, she couldn't contain her smile. It was just so good to see him. And when he smiled back, she felt something surge inside her. A feeling which immediately plummeted when Gillian came forward and said she hadn't thought Abby would accept. Abby forced a grimace down, wondering if Gillian knew that she and Luka had spent a year together. And even if she didn't, she knew about Carter. What was it, Abby wondered? Did Gillian feel sorry for her? Did she think Abby was lonely, that she needed a handout?
When Gillian left and Abby was alone with Luka, she felt relieved; yet there was an awkwardness between them still. They couldn't seem to find a safe topic to discuss, or a safe distance to be from each other. Abby hated the tension at the same time she was powerless to change it.
And then Luka revealed that Gillian was leaving because her boyfriend wanted her to go back home, and Abby was floored. She feigned mild surprise, accepting Luka's half-explanation that the situation was complicated, but inside she felt the beginnings of anger and disgust. Gillian claimed affection for Luka, spent her time with him doing things Abby had no desire to know about, and all the while she had a boyfriend back home?
"I can get the food back out if you're hungry," Luka said.
Abby waved the suggestion away. "Don't worry about it. I'm not really hungry. I really just wanted to see how you were doing." She looked around his apartment, which was largely the same as it had been when she'd been here last. She sighed. "I should probably leave, let you get some rest or...whatever," she finished awkwardly.
"I was just going to take a walk, get some air," Luka said. "You can come if you want."
More than anything, she thought. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah," Luka said, picking up a jacket. "We can make up."
A spike of adrenaline shot through her before she realized what he actually meant. "Catch up," she clarified. "I'd like that." She smiled bravely and followed him out the door.
They walked down to the river, chatting about this and that, looking for all the world like two old friends. Or two people out on a date, walking along and enjoying each other's company. Abby remembered a time that had been true, and she wanted it back. She wanted back the first days of their relationship, before Carter, before her mother had shown up, before the mugger, before the distance. She wanted a chance to go back, to correct things before they had a chance to go so wrong.
"How's work been?" Luka asked.
"Busy," Abby said. "Crazier than usual. Weaver ordered some construction done in the ER. It was supposed to take two weeks, and instead took two months. And then Romano fired half the nurses and replaced them with rookies who don't know what they're doing."
"He just fired them?"
Abby nodded. "The senior nurses. He didn't want to have to pay extra money and benefits, so he fired them."
"How is his arm?" Luka asked.
"He lost it back in May, a couple weeks after you left. Weaver got named temporary Chief of Staff. She takes a shift every few weeks, to keep up her skills, she says."
"Sounds like fun," Luka said with a half-hearted laugh.
"Speaking of work, when are you coming back?" Abby asked. "You are coming back, aren't you?"
Luka paused before answering, then nodded. "Soon, I think," he said. "I just want a little more time to get rested. It sounds like I'll need it."
"You seem to be getting your strength back...."
They walked slowly down the steps, catching up. When he asked how she was doing after her breakup with Carter and she told him she was fine, she realized it was true. She really was fine without him. What their relationship had become hadn't been good for either of them, and she was more relieved than anything that it was over. And when he asked if she was happy, she held herself back from her usual quick affirmation. Instead, she found herself compelled to answer him honestly, and told him she was getting there. And she was. She was doing everything she could to fix everything that had been going wrong.
She'd been thinking about things for a long time, months in fact, but had only made her decisions in the last few days. Carter's letter, and to some degree learning of Luka's relationship with Gillian, had been her stimulus. She needed to let go of the past, to move on before she became nothing more than a bitter old maid.
But now, standing here with Luka, she was finding it hard to move on. The connection she'd felt with him so long ago was still there, as strong as ever. She'd pushed it aside and trampled on it, but it had refused to die. She was still drawn to him, still compelled to be near him, to look into his eyes and wrap herself in his arms. And as they leaned against the stone railing, up above the river, she looked into his eyes and thought she saw some of her own longing there. She tried to tell herself it was just a trick of the eye that made her believe she saw longing in his eyes.
Her pager went off, and when she looked at the number on it, she silently screamed at the unfairness of the world. Here she was, finally alone with Luka, having an honest conversation, and work interrupted her. Worse, she knew she was going to have to go back. Once she'd paid her bills last week, she'd been one step away from broke, and she was never going to be able to make the changes to her life she needed to if she didn't get her hands on some cash.
She'd never been so reluctant to do anything as she was when she walked away from him. He'd given her a chance to stay, suggesting she ignore the page, and she was incredibly tempted to do so. But in the end she couldn't do it. She would have given anything to be able to stay there with him. She would happily have stayed there forever, but she had to fix her life, so she said goodbye and went back to the hospital.
Chapter Four: Shifts Happen
Abby stuffed another chart in the rack and breathed a sigh of relief. Her shift was almost over. It had been another incredibly long, pain-in-the- ass day. They were still down to only one attending per shift, plus Weaver today, which had only really added to her headache.
She was starting to get used to the residents, even though Cooper was the only one pulling his weight, but the med students were still driving her crazy. And then there were the new nurses. Weaver had brought them to her like an unwanted flu bug; there'd been nothing she could do to get rid of them. All of them were barely out of nursing school, and none of them had ever worked in a busy emergency room before. She saw the looks on their faces, and could only imagine what was going through their minds.
She prayed she hadn't been that maddening when she'd been fresh out of nursing school.
She headed down the hall, two of the nurses trailing behind her like baby ducklings. There was one advantage to these crazy shifts though, she thought. When she was this busy, she didn't have time to stop and think about Luka and Gillian.
She cringed inwardly. Maybe it was immature, maybe it was petty, but Abby hated the other woman. There was something off-putting about her. It wasn't anything obvious; just something in her manner that grated on Abby's nerves. Beyond the fact that she was seeing Luka, that is.
She wanted Luka to be happy. He deserved it, after everything he'd been through, but she didn't think he'd find that with Gillian. She didn't strike Abby as the type of woman who would stick around in the long run. She seemed like the type of woman who would leave when she got bored. Abby didn't want to see her hurt Luka.
* * * * *
Abby was really, really tired of nobody listening to her. Trauma after trauma, minor injury after minor injury, her suggestions and observations were pushed aside. It had been happening more and more lately. She didn't know if it was because the hospital had been so much busier than usual, and everyone was more stressed than usual, or if it was just that the doctors' respect for nurses was decreasing. But whatever the reason, she was sick of being ignored. She knew what she was talking about. She'd been a nurse for years, and she'd made it through med school near the top of her class. Maybe she wasn't authorized to perform procedures like the central line Neela was currently making an unsuccessful attempt to put in, but that didn't mean she didn't know how to do it. She wished everyone would realize that.
A few minutes later she handed a pile of charts to Pratt and headed down the hall with Susan, who was grinning from ear to ear. "You leaving?" Abby guessed.
"Yeah, finally," Susan said. "It's been almost sixteen hours, and I am more than ready to go home. When are you getting off?"
"I was supposed to be off an hour ago."
"You let yourself get dragged back in? Are you a glutton for punishment or what?"
"Hey, you stayed late too," Abby said with half a smile. "This place just sucks you in and doesn't let go."
"It would help if Weaver would hire a few more docs," Susan said.
"It would help even more if the docs we already have would listen to the nurses once in a while," Abby muttered. A little louder she added, "It would also be nice if we could get some competent nurses around here."
"New nurses not working out?"
"This is no place to put someone barely out of nursing school. I don't care how cheap they are. So far most of them have only gotten in the way. They don't know what they're doing, and I don't have the time or energy to teach them."
"Not to mention the temperament," Susan added, smiling to make sure Abby didn't take it wrong.
"Don't I know it."
"So what about when you finally get out of here? Got any plans?"
"Is Chuck out of town?" Abby joked, then shook her head and sighed. "Well...Gillian, uh, invited me to dinner."
"Who's Gillian?"
"She's...Luka's girlfriend," Abby said, trying not to choke on the words. It was somehow worse to say them aloud. "I called to see how Luka was doing, she answered, and she invited me to have dinner with them."
"That sounds a little awkward," Susan said. "Are you going to go?"
"I don't know," Abby said at length. "I guess I'll just decide when I leave here."
"If you ever manage that," Susan said as they reached the lounge. Susan disappeared inside, and Abby headed back to the admit desk, ready to face the next in the shift's endless trials.
* * * * *
Of course, she went. She really didn't want to have dinner with them, but her desire to see Luka overrode her discomfort at the thought of spending time in the other woman's presence. Since Carter's letter and Luka's return, she'd been thinking a lot about the mistakes she'd made in her life. One of the biggest, she'd decided, had been the way she'd let her relationship with Luka disintegrate. Only after it was far too late had she realized just how much she missed him, how much she loved spending time with him. So when she finally got off work around nine thirty, she headed for his apartment.
When he opened his door, she couldn't contain her smile. It was just so good to see him. And when he smiled back, she felt something surge inside her. A feeling which immediately plummeted when Gillian came forward and said she hadn't thought Abby would accept. Abby forced a grimace down, wondering if Gillian knew that she and Luka had spent a year together. And even if she didn't, she knew about Carter. What was it, Abby wondered? Did Gillian feel sorry for her? Did she think Abby was lonely, that she needed a handout?
When Gillian left and Abby was alone with Luka, she felt relieved; yet there was an awkwardness between them still. They couldn't seem to find a safe topic to discuss, or a safe distance to be from each other. Abby hated the tension at the same time she was powerless to change it.
And then Luka revealed that Gillian was leaving because her boyfriend wanted her to go back home, and Abby was floored. She feigned mild surprise, accepting Luka's half-explanation that the situation was complicated, but inside she felt the beginnings of anger and disgust. Gillian claimed affection for Luka, spent her time with him doing things Abby had no desire to know about, and all the while she had a boyfriend back home?
"I can get the food back out if you're hungry," Luka said.
Abby waved the suggestion away. "Don't worry about it. I'm not really hungry. I really just wanted to see how you were doing." She looked around his apartment, which was largely the same as it had been when she'd been here last. She sighed. "I should probably leave, let you get some rest or...whatever," she finished awkwardly.
"I was just going to take a walk, get some air," Luka said. "You can come if you want."
More than anything, she thought. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah," Luka said, picking up a jacket. "We can make up."
A spike of adrenaline shot through her before she realized what he actually meant. "Catch up," she clarified. "I'd like that." She smiled bravely and followed him out the door.
They walked down to the river, chatting about this and that, looking for all the world like two old friends. Or two people out on a date, walking along and enjoying each other's company. Abby remembered a time that had been true, and she wanted it back. She wanted back the first days of their relationship, before Carter, before her mother had shown up, before the mugger, before the distance. She wanted a chance to go back, to correct things before they had a chance to go so wrong.
"How's work been?" Luka asked.
"Busy," Abby said. "Crazier than usual. Weaver ordered some construction done in the ER. It was supposed to take two weeks, and instead took two months. And then Romano fired half the nurses and replaced them with rookies who don't know what they're doing."
"He just fired them?"
Abby nodded. "The senior nurses. He didn't want to have to pay extra money and benefits, so he fired them."
"How is his arm?" Luka asked.
"He lost it back in May, a couple weeks after you left. Weaver got named temporary Chief of Staff. She takes a shift every few weeks, to keep up her skills, she says."
"Sounds like fun," Luka said with a half-hearted laugh.
"Speaking of work, when are you coming back?" Abby asked. "You are coming back, aren't you?"
Luka paused before answering, then nodded. "Soon, I think," he said. "I just want a little more time to get rested. It sounds like I'll need it."
"You seem to be getting your strength back...."
They walked slowly down the steps, catching up. When he asked how she was doing after her breakup with Carter and she told him she was fine, she realized it was true. She really was fine without him. What their relationship had become hadn't been good for either of them, and she was more relieved than anything that it was over. And when he asked if she was happy, she held herself back from her usual quick affirmation. Instead, she found herself compelled to answer him honestly, and told him she was getting there. And she was. She was doing everything she could to fix everything that had been going wrong.
She'd been thinking about things for a long time, months in fact, but had only made her decisions in the last few days. Carter's letter, and to some degree learning of Luka's relationship with Gillian, had been her stimulus. She needed to let go of the past, to move on before she became nothing more than a bitter old maid.
But now, standing here with Luka, she was finding it hard to move on. The connection she'd felt with him so long ago was still there, as strong as ever. She'd pushed it aside and trampled on it, but it had refused to die. She was still drawn to him, still compelled to be near him, to look into his eyes and wrap herself in his arms. And as they leaned against the stone railing, up above the river, she looked into his eyes and thought she saw some of her own longing there. She tried to tell herself it was just a trick of the eye that made her believe she saw longing in his eyes.
Her pager went off, and when she looked at the number on it, she silently screamed at the unfairness of the world. Here she was, finally alone with Luka, having an honest conversation, and work interrupted her. Worse, she knew she was going to have to go back. Once she'd paid her bills last week, she'd been one step away from broke, and she was never going to be able to make the changes to her life she needed to if she didn't get her hands on some cash.
She'd never been so reluctant to do anything as she was when she walked away from him. He'd given her a chance to stay, suggesting she ignore the page, and she was incredibly tempted to do so. But in the end she couldn't do it. She would have given anything to be able to stay there with him. She would happily have stayed there forever, but she had to fix her life, so she said goodbye and went back to the hospital.