It was a difficult decision for me. I could end it. The blade was to his throat; he was defenseless. I could end his life as he had intended to end Hiei's. However, how could I take the life of my life-long friend? How could I destroy… Kurama?
My Decision
Chapter 1
How I wished I could blame this on someone else. How I wished I could say Kurama was not in control of his mind. However, he was. He was under the influence of a potion he had accidentally taken a week before, but that did not mean he had no control. Kurama was doing all this on his own. Kurama had taken it upon himself to attempt to end Hiei's life.
I pressed the blade closer, though I knew I didn't have the heart to take away his life, and he gasped for breath. I knew it was wrong, but I wished I could do it. I wished I was strong enough to take his life. It would set him free. It would allow Hiei to continue living. That's what I wanted. However, I couldn't kill him. He meant too much to me.
I'd slain many during my lifetime- demons, half-breeds, humans occasionally. The blood on my was great- it could never be washed away. One more would not have made a difference… if this were any ordinary kill. Kurama had meant the world to me since I was four. I'd taken beatings for him, I'd been severely punished by my family because I was with him, I'd been cursed by others because of him, yet I did everything to protect him. Even at the tender age of four, I was willing to be brutally tortured and executed, if need be, to protect Kurama. As a child, I hung on his every word. During later years, when he was human, I was always there to help him through the rough times. He'd always been there for me as well. We'd been though hell and back together. We were siblings at heart and at mind. How could I turn on him? How could I kill someone who I had always regarded as flesh and blood?
"Alicia," Hiei struggled to his feet. His injuries were severe- it was a miracle he was conscious much less standing. "Alicia don't do it."
"Why do you want me to let him go?" I asked. "He tried to kill you!"
"And he'll try again if he gets the chance," Hiei panted, "but don't kid yourself. You know as well as I do that you would suffer beyond comparison if you took his life." Hiei stepped closer, and a moment of silence passed. "There must be some way to turn him back to the way he was. Think Alicia."
"I'm afraid I have but one decision to make," I cried softly. Kurama and Hiei both went wide-eyed when I took the blade to my own throat, pressing it softly to the skin. "It is my responsibility to ensure that the two of you continue to live. I have not the heart to fail in these responsibilities. Saving Kurama's soul means destroying my own life. I accept this fate as a goddess first class with no restrictions and die happy, knowing the two of you will live on. Farewell."
Almighty, please hear and grant my request. I am going to die now. Please do this dying woman one final good turn and remove me from the Doublet System before I pass on. I die to save their lives but that will be in vain if my life-tie to Hiei is not broken. So please… please…
I wasn't scared of my fate. I would accept it with open arms. I would just die peacefully. Hiei spoke out against my decision. "There must be some other way!" he insisted.
"I'm afraid death is my only option. Fear not Hiei. I will be by your side until the end of days if not in body, then in spirit. I promise to return to you," I slid the blade across my throat. "This is my decision. Goodbye." Then, I fell to the ground and, in a puddle of my own blood, I died. I died happy… for the Almighty had granted my request and revoked my shared life with Hiei… allowing him to live on.
"Well hello Alicia. I must say, we weren't expecting you," Koenma said to me when I reached the other realm.
"You do realize that I'm dead, don't you? I'm not here for a chat," I sighed.
"Dead!? Well that's a bit of a shocker! How?" Koenma leaned over his desk. "Demons?"
"Myself. Suicide," I sat down and crossed my legs.
"Ooh… you know that's a bad thing to do. Why'd you do it?" he asked.
"Kurama tried to kill Hiei because he was under the influence of a magic potion. I had no choice but to destroy myself to save Kurama. He's back to normal now… and Hiei is safe. That's all that matters," I said plainly.
"I wish," he said, straightening a pile of papers on his desk. "Do you realize the retribution you'll receive for your actions? This is a case where you might actually consider begging to go to my father."
"I will accept any punishment the heavens have in store for me. No punishment could be greater than having to kill Kurama."
"Your resolve amazes me Alicia," Koenma admitted.
"Why should it amaze you? As a wolf goddess, loyalty to my own is my top priority, to which even my own life takes a backseat."
"You always said you'd rather go through hell yourself than see the least of your comrades suffer. I just never believed you."
"You can believe it now, can't you? My sacrifices are never in vain, Koenma, but they are frequently unbelievable."
"So you'll face he full fury of heaven and hell for what you have done, Alicia?"
"I have no regrets. My decision has been made and I shall never look back on it."
"Very well. I shall send you up to the heavens first."
My decision has been made and I shall never look back on it.