Kirsten
I shouldn't have let them go. Sandy said it was my decision. Coward! Seth just wore him down. But Tijuana was a long time ago. The boys had to get off restriction some day. I wish Ryan had been able to tell Sandy more about Seth. At least he's ok. Sandy just said to come home and get him. "Fatal, multi-car accident on freeway. Report at the top of the hour." Is that what Seth's life has been reduced to, a newscast headline? Sandy looks so worried.
Kirsten moved over to the passenger side of the car while Sandy readjusted the driver's seat. As Sandy floored the BMW out of the driveway, Kristen decided her questions for him could wait. The drivers out today seemed possessed by an urge to self-annihilation; and Sandy seemed all too willing to accommodate their desire if they wouldn't get out of his way. He wove in and out of the traffic, always looking for the opening that would let him gain another car length. His recklessness provided an answer of sorts to Kirsten's unspoken questions. Perhaps it was only a ploy on Sandy's part to distract her, but Kirsten agreed to his suggestion that she let the family know about the accident. However, her first call went to the hospital. The receptionist in Emergency was smugly institutional and maddeningly uninformative. Yes, Seth and Ryan had been brought to the hospital. No information on their injuries or condition could be released. No, not even to their parents. The boys' doctors needed to consult with their parents as soon as possible, however.
Sandy marveled that the phone didn't shatter in her hand as she snapped it shut. Kirsten paused in her calling long enough to watch as Sandy slipped their car between two semis and then sped up to pass the lead truck on the right. Caleb got the first family call; but it was Gabrielle who answered his cell phone. Gabby apologized for Caleb who had gone out to break in his new yacht but she promised to have him call as soon as he came in. Did Kirsten think she should have the Lear Jet stand by? Sandy's affirmative to this question sent Kirsten's heart into her throat.
Did he tell me everything? It was nice of Gabby to ask about Ryan. Maybe there's more to Gabrielle than her obvious assets.
The next call went to Sandy's mother in New York. Kirsten passed on the little information she had and thanked her mother-in-law for the offer of prayers for Seth and Ryan from her prayer group at temple. Her offer of help when Seth came home, but only if Kirsten wanted it, brought a small ironic smile to Kirsten's lips.
When had Mother Cohen learned tact? I thought it was a genetic defect. Seth and Sandy have never shown any sign of possessing it. Maybe this means I won't get another cookbook for Chanukah. No more additions to what Seth calls my Library of Lost Causes.
The little lift to her spirits lasted only until the recorded voice came on the line – "The number you have dialed is no longer in service." Kirsten was not surprised. Ryan's whole unhappy life with Dawn had been a series of one disconnect after another. Maybe his mother would get in touch with him before Ryan tried to contact her. Kirsten wasn't going to share this with him. Ryan didn't need another disappointment in his life just now.
Damn Dawn and her selfishness! Why couldn't she be there for Ryan this time. Poor Ryan, all alone at the hospital, waiting for word on Seth. Waiting for us. It's taking so long. I need to be with my baby. Seth would so not like me calling him that. What would we do if…? No, Sandy's mother is right. It's when Seth comes home, not if.
Ryan's hug was fierce and desperate. Kirsten responded to him with all the love she felt for this kid who had come into their home a stranger and had become so very important to her -- to all of them. Kirsten seemed to shrink within his arms when he told her that Seth had gone up to surgery already. Their moment together was broken by a wave of doctors and medical staff that swept Kirsten and Sandy into a conference room. As the door closed behind them, she saw Ryan, alone once again, settling himself down to wait.
When the surgeons had explained the last procedure in mind numbing detail, the final x-ray had been dutifully examined, and they had signed the last release form, Kirsten and Sandy left the conference room in a state of information overload and fear.Ryan was at their side as soon as they were out of the door. As they walked slowly toward the bank of elevators at the end of the hall, they explained Seth's condition to Ryan. His reaction to the news disturbed Kirsten. He asked no questions of them and offered no comment. Ryan's continued silence seemed to her be the first stage in a process of distancing himself from them. She feared he was slipping away from them to the place he had created where he could not be hurt when people he loved left him. Impulsively, Kirsten took Ryan's hand and brought it to her lips. His blue eyes were very bright when they met hers. Kirsten only smiled and squeezed his hand.
Ryan, you give away so little of yourself; but Seth is as important to you as he is to us. Oh God, if I could only do something for the two of you. Seth, if I had your grandmother's faith, I'd know better how to do this.
Lord, look into the hearts of these two boys. Both of them are good boys and each has the promise of growing into a good man if only he has the chance. Guide the hands of Seth's doctors, heal his injured body, and give him that chance. For Ryan, Lord, there are no organs to heal and no bones to mend, only a spirit damaged by abuse, neglect, and loss. Help Sandy and I to restore this child. Amen.