Such Is Life
Part 3
I can count on one hand the number of nights I spent in the same hotel room with my mother during the following month. Needless to say I got to know 'uncle' Marty a lot better even though I could sense he was as pissed off with the situation as I was. We spent the nights playing cards or watching TV, he was an ok kind of a guy and in some ways I felt a little sorry for him being tagged with Shawn Michaels he didn't get an awful lot of attention, especially from the females!
"How old is Shawn?" I asked one night in the midst of a game of 'fish' on the floor of his Hotel room. He looked at me puzzled.
"He's 27 why?"
"No reason!" I tried to hide my flushed cheeks. 27 meant 11 years older than me but more is the point it meant he was 11 years younger than my mother a fact that I reveled in for a few seconds. "My mom is 38 you know?"
"Really?" Marty raised his eyebrows. "That's cool."
I played another few rounds then threw my cards into a heap on the floor and sighed as I stood up and went to the window. "She's 11 years older than Shawn you realise?!"
"Yeah I'm pretty good at math." he smiled and I realised I needed to shut up right them before I said something stupid. He walked to the window and stood beside me, leaning his arm on the glass and looking down upon another city. It occurred to me then that I didn't even know where we were, everywhere looked the same, every hotel room was the same, every face the same....every face but his, Shawn's that is. I couldn't get him out of my mind, it crushed me every time I saw him with my mother, it wasn't right. "Does your mom know how you feel about Shawn?" Marty asked matter-of-factly.
"No well..." I stopped and gasped and he smiled. "I ah I don't feel. I mean I ...it didn't even..."
"Relax!" Marty let out a low growling laughter, "I'm used to it by now, I see the signs before he even does!" he walked over to the mini bar and got out a beer. "Want one?" I hesitated then walked over and took it from his hands. It was that night, thanks to 'uncle' Marty I had my first taste of alcohol. I didn't like it, at first taste I almost spat it across the room, but I drank it anyway while he talked. "Shawn has that affect on most women!" he gulped some beer, "I guess you're mom doesn't know then huh?"
"My mom doesn't care. Why should I burden her with my stupid problems!?"
"I'm sure your mom does care. You just cant see it. Hell I wouldn't have seen it when I was 16!"
He talked....and talked...and I felt weird, sluggish, I fell asleep.
A few nights later, Marty hadn't said a word about Shawn or the beer, which I was grateful for. He didn't give me the knowing 'adult' look of disapproval every time I tried my silly little girl flirting act when my mom's back was turned. One night, much like any other I was sitting on a crate waiting for my mother to finish 'work', wondering if I would have the pleasure of spending another night in Marty's room, a hand touched my shoulder. I swallowed hard and turned slowly to see 'him' smiling at me.
"Hey where's your mom?"
"She's ah....she's ah..." I stammered not really liking these spur of the moment confrontations with Shawn, I liked to be more prepared. "I ah....I don't know!" I forced a smile, his hand still rested on my shoulder, I could feel it through my shirt, warm and soft.
"Well she's not out there and she's not back here," he sighed, "Want a ride back to the hotel?"
"I ah...erm....well...I mean...."
"Ok get your jacket I'll meet you out front in 5." he smiled, patted my shoulder and left me there, dazed and confused.
I couldn't speak in the car, I didn't have the nerve, I remember inhaling the scent of his cologne, when I look back now I realise I was bordering on obsession but I was 16 years old and I thought it was love at first sight! Other girls my age had their rock idols, movie stars, their Bono's, their Rob Lowe's, I had a real live idol. I had Shawn...except I didn't, my mother had Shawn! Night after night my mother had Shawn, my own mother. I realised the whole time these thoughts flooded my brain I had been staring at him, unblinking..... 1 more minute I would venture so far as to say I would have drooled had he not turned around! I stared into his eyes.
"You ok?"
My head snapped around and I looked out of the window, feeling ashamed, foolish, like I could smack myself in the head and probably would later on when I was alone.
"I'm fine." I managed to barely whisper then cleared my throat, "Thank you." I said without turning around. We arrived at the hotel and went to the elevators. I had visions of him turning me around and kissing my lips, I willed him to do it, so much for telepathy. We got off the elevator and went to my room.
"You have a key?" he asked, shuffling from foot to foot. I produced a key from my pocket and unlocked the door. The sight before me made me turn away quickly. My mother, on the bed with 'uncle' Marty! I gasped and turned around quickly, my head almost in Shawn's chest and for the first time in months not even thinking about him. How could she do this to him? My mind whirred with possibilities, it wasn't something a 16 year old was meant to witness their mother participating in! I looked up at Shawn's face ready to see hurt in his eyes but all I saw was anger.
"Son of a..." he gritted his teeth as my mother and 'Uncle' Marty tried to cover their embarrassment too little too late. Something in me, I don't know what or where I would ever have the sense to do such a thing at 16, made me push Shawn backwards and close the door quickly, my back to it, facing Shawn in the corridor. I felt trapped, breathless, ashamed.......glad! Did I really think that? Yes I did, for a split second I was glad she was caught out! I felt bad for Marty but she deserved it didn't she? Shawn glared at me....or was it at the door?
"Shawn I,......" What do you say? Sorry my mother is such a slut? Not the right words at that moment. I chose to keep quiet, bite on my lip and watch his every move, not that there was much movement to watch, he seemed frozen, breathing deeply, gritting his teeth, clenching his fists then he turned and stormed down the hall into a room and slammed the door, making me jump. I stared after him for what seemed like an eternity. In the movies I would have gone to him then wouldn't I? Comforted him in his hour of need? So much for movies! I waited another few minutes until the door was slowly opened, Marty peered out, making sure Shawn had gone before creeping out into the hallway. He looked at me shamefully, attempted to speak then thought better of it, or maybe the words didn't come who knew? He turned and went in the opposite direction.
I ventured into the room, my mother was on the bed, smoking, something, it stank. I coughed and opened a window. She seemed so unconcerned at what had just happened it made me all the more ashamed of her.
"Well shit huh?" She laughed stupidly, probably the Valium kicking in or whatever her drug of choice was for that day of the week.
I didn't say anything I just looked her over, disgusted, my own mother and I felt such a loathing for her at that moment it scared me. I went into the bathroom and locked the door. I didn't want to see her, didn't want to be near her. I had a shower and when I came out again she was asleep, half her naked body hanging over the side of the bed, I turned away as I put a sheet over her.
Part 3
I can count on one hand the number of nights I spent in the same hotel room with my mother during the following month. Needless to say I got to know 'uncle' Marty a lot better even though I could sense he was as pissed off with the situation as I was. We spent the nights playing cards or watching TV, he was an ok kind of a guy and in some ways I felt a little sorry for him being tagged with Shawn Michaels he didn't get an awful lot of attention, especially from the females!
"How old is Shawn?" I asked one night in the midst of a game of 'fish' on the floor of his Hotel room. He looked at me puzzled.
"He's 27 why?"
"No reason!" I tried to hide my flushed cheeks. 27 meant 11 years older than me but more is the point it meant he was 11 years younger than my mother a fact that I reveled in for a few seconds. "My mom is 38 you know?"
"Really?" Marty raised his eyebrows. "That's cool."
I played another few rounds then threw my cards into a heap on the floor and sighed as I stood up and went to the window. "She's 11 years older than Shawn you realise?!"
"Yeah I'm pretty good at math." he smiled and I realised I needed to shut up right them before I said something stupid. He walked to the window and stood beside me, leaning his arm on the glass and looking down upon another city. It occurred to me then that I didn't even know where we were, everywhere looked the same, every hotel room was the same, every face the same....every face but his, Shawn's that is. I couldn't get him out of my mind, it crushed me every time I saw him with my mother, it wasn't right. "Does your mom know how you feel about Shawn?" Marty asked matter-of-factly.
"No well..." I stopped and gasped and he smiled. "I ah I don't feel. I mean I ...it didn't even..."
"Relax!" Marty let out a low growling laughter, "I'm used to it by now, I see the signs before he even does!" he walked over to the mini bar and got out a beer. "Want one?" I hesitated then walked over and took it from his hands. It was that night, thanks to 'uncle' Marty I had my first taste of alcohol. I didn't like it, at first taste I almost spat it across the room, but I drank it anyway while he talked. "Shawn has that affect on most women!" he gulped some beer, "I guess you're mom doesn't know then huh?"
"My mom doesn't care. Why should I burden her with my stupid problems!?"
"I'm sure your mom does care. You just cant see it. Hell I wouldn't have seen it when I was 16!"
He talked....and talked...and I felt weird, sluggish, I fell asleep.
A few nights later, Marty hadn't said a word about Shawn or the beer, which I was grateful for. He didn't give me the knowing 'adult' look of disapproval every time I tried my silly little girl flirting act when my mom's back was turned. One night, much like any other I was sitting on a crate waiting for my mother to finish 'work', wondering if I would have the pleasure of spending another night in Marty's room, a hand touched my shoulder. I swallowed hard and turned slowly to see 'him' smiling at me.
"Hey where's your mom?"
"She's ah....she's ah..." I stammered not really liking these spur of the moment confrontations with Shawn, I liked to be more prepared. "I ah....I don't know!" I forced a smile, his hand still rested on my shoulder, I could feel it through my shirt, warm and soft.
"Well she's not out there and she's not back here," he sighed, "Want a ride back to the hotel?"
"I ah...erm....well...I mean...."
"Ok get your jacket I'll meet you out front in 5." he smiled, patted my shoulder and left me there, dazed and confused.
I couldn't speak in the car, I didn't have the nerve, I remember inhaling the scent of his cologne, when I look back now I realise I was bordering on obsession but I was 16 years old and I thought it was love at first sight! Other girls my age had their rock idols, movie stars, their Bono's, their Rob Lowe's, I had a real live idol. I had Shawn...except I didn't, my mother had Shawn! Night after night my mother had Shawn, my own mother. I realised the whole time these thoughts flooded my brain I had been staring at him, unblinking..... 1 more minute I would venture so far as to say I would have drooled had he not turned around! I stared into his eyes.
"You ok?"
My head snapped around and I looked out of the window, feeling ashamed, foolish, like I could smack myself in the head and probably would later on when I was alone.
"I'm fine." I managed to barely whisper then cleared my throat, "Thank you." I said without turning around. We arrived at the hotel and went to the elevators. I had visions of him turning me around and kissing my lips, I willed him to do it, so much for telepathy. We got off the elevator and went to my room.
"You have a key?" he asked, shuffling from foot to foot. I produced a key from my pocket and unlocked the door. The sight before me made me turn away quickly. My mother, on the bed with 'uncle' Marty! I gasped and turned around quickly, my head almost in Shawn's chest and for the first time in months not even thinking about him. How could she do this to him? My mind whirred with possibilities, it wasn't something a 16 year old was meant to witness their mother participating in! I looked up at Shawn's face ready to see hurt in his eyes but all I saw was anger.
"Son of a..." he gritted his teeth as my mother and 'Uncle' Marty tried to cover their embarrassment too little too late. Something in me, I don't know what or where I would ever have the sense to do such a thing at 16, made me push Shawn backwards and close the door quickly, my back to it, facing Shawn in the corridor. I felt trapped, breathless, ashamed.......glad! Did I really think that? Yes I did, for a split second I was glad she was caught out! I felt bad for Marty but she deserved it didn't she? Shawn glared at me....or was it at the door?
"Shawn I,......" What do you say? Sorry my mother is such a slut? Not the right words at that moment. I chose to keep quiet, bite on my lip and watch his every move, not that there was much movement to watch, he seemed frozen, breathing deeply, gritting his teeth, clenching his fists then he turned and stormed down the hall into a room and slammed the door, making me jump. I stared after him for what seemed like an eternity. In the movies I would have gone to him then wouldn't I? Comforted him in his hour of need? So much for movies! I waited another few minutes until the door was slowly opened, Marty peered out, making sure Shawn had gone before creeping out into the hallway. He looked at me shamefully, attempted to speak then thought better of it, or maybe the words didn't come who knew? He turned and went in the opposite direction.
I ventured into the room, my mother was on the bed, smoking, something, it stank. I coughed and opened a window. She seemed so unconcerned at what had just happened it made me all the more ashamed of her.
"Well shit huh?" She laughed stupidly, probably the Valium kicking in or whatever her drug of choice was for that day of the week.
I didn't say anything I just looked her over, disgusted, my own mother and I felt such a loathing for her at that moment it scared me. I went into the bathroom and locked the door. I didn't want to see her, didn't want to be near her. I had a shower and when I came out again she was asleep, half her naked body hanging over the side of the bed, I turned away as I put a sheet over her.