Such Is Life
Part 18
The next day was the start of our regular traveling routine. We hardly ever went on the coaches, instead opted to follow on in Chris' battered old car from town to town. His debut on Nitro was amazing! I stood out the back watching on a monitor in total amazement, there he was on every TV in the nation, my Chris, my clown, it was overwhelming & I had to fight back my tears! Before much longer he was a virtual household name - Chris Jericho! It wasn't long after his debut that I got the letter. It was strange to get any sort of communication at all, we weren't in one place long enough and we still didn't own anywhere we could call home, instead we just kept traveling. (Chris was praised throughout the company for the fact that he never missed a show whether he was working or not!) A stage hand came up to me one night and asked if I was Chris Jericho's wife, made me laugh as we weren't married although Chris had actually bought me the ring he promised! I took the letter anyway and studied it, the writing looked vaguely familliar but nothing came to mind. I was about to open it when Chris came past to tell me he was going out so I stuffed it into my pocket and went to watch his match.
Later that night at the hotel I remembered about it and rumaged through my pockets while Chris took a shower. He was shouting from the bathroom, saying something that I didn't hear. I opened the letter and read it, read it again, staring at it, why did I care so much anyway?
"I said do you want to get room....what's wrong?" He came out of the bathroom and sat beside me on the bed. "Hun?" He touched my arm and I passed him the letter, I couldn't speak. He read it and put his arm around my shoulders, "I'm sorry babe." He said quietly, "You ok?"
"I don't really know to be honest." I stood up and went to the window with the letter in my hands and read it again. It was from Shawn. My mother had died 4 weeks after we'd 'ran away', he was sorry, he couldn't contact me, he saw Chris on TV and sent this hoping I'd get it. My head spun. I shouldn't even give a crap but I felt sad, confused, it just didn't feel right that my mother was dead even if I hadn't seen her in so long. I guess I just wasn't prepared for it, I was stunned. She'd died in her sleep, with Shawn beside her, man pitty that guy waking up with a corpse in his bed. She'd taken an overdose and Shawn was sorry he hadn't even realised. How should he? She was always out of it, it could have happened at any time, even when I was there I wouldn't have known, I would have just pulled the sheet over her and left her there feeling disgusted, hating her like I always did. She had to drive the knife in one more time though, when I was happy, when things were working out, typcal of my mother the loser. I felt like I should go to Shawn, find out more but what would be the point? It had happened so long ago now, no one would care any more, well no one but Shawn who obviously cared enough to try to find me even after she'd been dead for months. My mind was racing with a thousand questions, did my father know? Where was she burried? Did he come over and get her or did he just not care anymore either? What about my Aunt in Texas? What about my Grandfather back home in England? All these things I thought about and got answers to none of them. I put a hand to my head as I felt tears sting my eyes, I shouldn't cry for her dammit! She was a fuck up! She almost made me a fuck up! She didn't deserve my tears! I fought them back but as soon as I felt Chris put his arms around me from behind I couldn't help but let them fall. I lay my head back onto his shoulder and cried for a long time.
Part 18
The next day was the start of our regular traveling routine. We hardly ever went on the coaches, instead opted to follow on in Chris' battered old car from town to town. His debut on Nitro was amazing! I stood out the back watching on a monitor in total amazement, there he was on every TV in the nation, my Chris, my clown, it was overwhelming & I had to fight back my tears! Before much longer he was a virtual household name - Chris Jericho! It wasn't long after his debut that I got the letter. It was strange to get any sort of communication at all, we weren't in one place long enough and we still didn't own anywhere we could call home, instead we just kept traveling. (Chris was praised throughout the company for the fact that he never missed a show whether he was working or not!) A stage hand came up to me one night and asked if I was Chris Jericho's wife, made me laugh as we weren't married although Chris had actually bought me the ring he promised! I took the letter anyway and studied it, the writing looked vaguely familliar but nothing came to mind. I was about to open it when Chris came past to tell me he was going out so I stuffed it into my pocket and went to watch his match.
Later that night at the hotel I remembered about it and rumaged through my pockets while Chris took a shower. He was shouting from the bathroom, saying something that I didn't hear. I opened the letter and read it, read it again, staring at it, why did I care so much anyway?
"I said do you want to get room....what's wrong?" He came out of the bathroom and sat beside me on the bed. "Hun?" He touched my arm and I passed him the letter, I couldn't speak. He read it and put his arm around my shoulders, "I'm sorry babe." He said quietly, "You ok?"
"I don't really know to be honest." I stood up and went to the window with the letter in my hands and read it again. It was from Shawn. My mother had died 4 weeks after we'd 'ran away', he was sorry, he couldn't contact me, he saw Chris on TV and sent this hoping I'd get it. My head spun. I shouldn't even give a crap but I felt sad, confused, it just didn't feel right that my mother was dead even if I hadn't seen her in so long. I guess I just wasn't prepared for it, I was stunned. She'd died in her sleep, with Shawn beside her, man pitty that guy waking up with a corpse in his bed. She'd taken an overdose and Shawn was sorry he hadn't even realised. How should he? She was always out of it, it could have happened at any time, even when I was there I wouldn't have known, I would have just pulled the sheet over her and left her there feeling disgusted, hating her like I always did. She had to drive the knife in one more time though, when I was happy, when things were working out, typcal of my mother the loser. I felt like I should go to Shawn, find out more but what would be the point? It had happened so long ago now, no one would care any more, well no one but Shawn who obviously cared enough to try to find me even after she'd been dead for months. My mind was racing with a thousand questions, did my father know? Where was she burried? Did he come over and get her or did he just not care anymore either? What about my Aunt in Texas? What about my Grandfather back home in England? All these things I thought about and got answers to none of them. I put a hand to my head as I felt tears sting my eyes, I shouldn't cry for her dammit! She was a fuck up! She almost made me a fuck up! She didn't deserve my tears! I fought them back but as soon as I felt Chris put his arms around me from behind I couldn't help but let them fall. I lay my head back onto his shoulder and cried for a long time.