Still owning nothing but a name-tag and a scarf from my work. Did I
mention I hate the scarf? Anyway, I know you're all saying 'finally!' coz
here's some REAL action. The kind where select members tv's most psychotic
family get a hold of some weapons! Enjoy the carnage!
R&R ~Anoron
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* * * * *
"C'mon, it's not fair!" Reese whined. "It's not safe for me to be Faith's brother and *not* learn about weapons," he tried to reason. He and Faith had decided to give Lois one last chance at letting them conduct their weapons lessons out in the open.
Lois almost laughed. "You can't seriously expect me to believe that honey. You're dangerous enough without knowing how to fire a crossbow. Now, I gotta go to work so watch your brother and be good." With her last remark, Lois shot a warning glare over to Faith, who just widened her chocolate eyes and pursed her pouty lips in the perfect picture of innocence.
Lois sighed and planted a quick peck to the temple of each of her reckless children. She waddled out the door with a prayer that the house would still be standing when she got back.
The van pulled out of the driveway and Faith and Reese turned to each other, identical wicked sparks of mischief flickering in their eyes. "So what do you wanna learn first?"
"Crossbow," Reese replied without a moment's hesitation.
Malcolm's Aside: "Ok, who *isn't* counting all the ways this could go wrong?"
Malcolm rolled his eyes and stormed down the hall to his room, pretending to concentrate on homework.
Faith whipped her crossbow out of her weapons bag and loaded a dart into it.
"Hey, aren't you gonna show me how to load it?" Reese protested.
"Pfft- do I look stupid to you?" Faith shot back. She wasn't about to show Reese how to load the thing by himself before she was sure he could handle the weapon.
Reese frowned and held his hand out. Faith placed the crossbow in his arms. "Ok, just rest it easily along your arm, yeah like that," she praised when he had it in the right position.
"Now, here's your sight, just aim, keep it steady and pull the trigger."
"Man, this thing is heavy," Reese complained, lowering his arm for a moment. As it rested against his leg, Reese bumped the trigger just hard enough to make it release.
Faith was in the middle of telling him, "You get used to it after a while," when an unearthly scream of pain cut her off.
She looked down to see a dart protruding from her brother's foot. Reese began to scream and cry with pain, hopping about on one leg as he tried to clutch at his injured foot.
Faith rolled her eyes. "Here, hold still." She reached down and yanked the offending dart out of Reese's foot, only to cause another scream.
"Don't be such a baby," Faith scolded her younger brother, already reloading the crossbow.
Sitting at his desk, Malcolm huffed. "Well, I guess he's not dead yet," he figured, listening to Reese whimper as he tried to choke on his sobs.
Faith handed the reloaded weapon back to him. "Try again."
* * * * *
"I'm home," Hal called, coming in the front door.
Faith and Reese froze, eyes wide as they looked at each other. Reese gulped. Dewey, who had come in a little earlier to watch the fun, sank as low as he possibly could into the couch.
Hal came into the living room and gaped at the scene before him. Shattered vases and frames littered to floor, and he could spot at least three holes in the wall.
Faith was caught red-handed with the loaded crossbow she had been just about to pass to Reese. Hal frowned at her, his frown deepening when he looked at his son. Reese was pale and sweating, and had several puncture wounds in various places on his body.
"Reese, how did you manage to get hit in your arm?" Hal indicated the torn flesh of Reese's left biceps, assuming that Faith had lost patience with her brother and shot him in the arm. It was ridiculous to think that *anyone* could be so stupid as to shoot themselves in so abstract a place. Then again, with Reese you never knew. . .
Faith and Dewey sniggered as Reese blushed. "I tried to scratch my arm with the bow in my hand," he admitted sheepishly.
Faith frowned to herself, wondering why their father hadn't lost it with them yet and thinking quickly to stop him from going off at them altogether.
"Hey, Dad, you wanna try?" she offered him the loaded weapon.
Hal thought it over a moment. "M-Kay," he said, accepting the crossbow from his daughter's outstretched hand.
At his desk, Malcolm had looked up from his homework when he heard his father coming in the door. He listened patiently, waiting for the yelling to begin. When after a few minutes he still heard none of the hysterical ranting he'd expected from Hal, Malcolm became confused.
He crept over to the wall separating the boys' room from the living room, preparing to put his ear to the surface and listen closely for signs of life coming from his family in the other room.
As Malcolm leaned towards the wall, a stray dart splintered through the wood veneer, coming to a stop a mere inch from his forehead.
"Yee-haah!" screamed Hal from the living room, pleased with his first shot. He rushed over and pulled the dart out of the wall, only to see an incredibly shocked Malcolm staring at him through the new hole in the wall.
"Oh, hi son."
* * * * *
Reese and Hal spent the next hour firing darts at anything they could possibly imagine as a target. Soon Faith had enough confidence in their abilities to show them both how to load the crossbow by themselves.
She sat on the couch, watching tv with Dewey, while occasional pieces of debris littered the space around them. Faith sighed in annoyance, and every time Reese screamed about a fresh injury he had just given himself, she turned the volume of the tv up a little higher. Dewey smiled and nodded his approval.
All of them had completely lost track of the time, and Dewey's eyes widened when he saw his mother's van pulling into the driveway. He tugged on Faith's sleeve to get her attention and gestured to the window.
"Oh shit," Faith breathed, knowing they would never be able to hide the mess from their afternoon of destruction from Lois. Hal and Reese, however, were oblivious to the eight-and-a-half-months pregnant woman getting out of the van.
Using all her Slayer speed, Faith switched off the tv and swept Dewey up in her arms. She grabbed a storybook from the coffee table and slipped down the hall to her room without either of the men in the living room noticing.
She just had time to arrange herself and Dewey comfortably on her bed and open the storybook to a random page when they heard the front door slam. Dewey looked up at his big sister. "You said the 'S' word," his tone was disapproving and Faith fought the urge to laugh at him.
"What in the name of God is going on here?" Lois bellowed.
At the sound of screaming drifting down the hall, Faith and Dewey exchanged a glance. The Slayer ran into the living room, storybook in hand and Dewey on her heels, as if startled by the disturbance.
Hal and Reese were shrinking away from Lois, who was advancing towards them menacingly. Reese was trying to cower behind his father. Faith took this moment to announce her and Dewey's presence.
"Hey, what's going on?" she feigned surprise. Straightening, the males shot her accusing and indignant looks as they realised Faith had abandoned their sinking ship.
Lois took the distraction Faith provided as an opportunity to reach around her husband and pluck Reese out from behind him. It was then that she noticed the gaping wounds and pale sweatiness of her son.
"Oh my God!"
"Oh my God!" echoed Faith and Dewey on cue.
Lois rounded on Hal. "What the hell were you thinking!? I specifically said *no* weapons for him! Look at him- he looks like a pincushion!"
Hal whimpered.
"It hurts," Reese groaned. He decided his best and only chance of survival here would be to fake pain to the extent that Lois would feel she could not possibly cause him any more hurt by punishment.
"Everybody in the car, we're going to the hospital!" Lois ordered.
Reese gave his best doe-eyed look of gratitude, but Lois grabbed his ear roughly. She pulled him to the car by the ear, ignoring his pained outbursts as she lectured him for being so stupid and disobedient.
* * * * * . . . So, hope you liked those three little scenes I tacked together. And I know Faith was bad and said the 'S' word, but Dewey let her know the error of her ways, so I think that kinda cancels it out. I'll try and remind her to watch her language, but I don't know where she'll tell me to stick it. :-/ Stay tuned for a trip to the hospital, don't forget about that neat little review button just down there, ~Anoron.
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* * * * *
"C'mon, it's not fair!" Reese whined. "It's not safe for me to be Faith's brother and *not* learn about weapons," he tried to reason. He and Faith had decided to give Lois one last chance at letting them conduct their weapons lessons out in the open.
Lois almost laughed. "You can't seriously expect me to believe that honey. You're dangerous enough without knowing how to fire a crossbow. Now, I gotta go to work so watch your brother and be good." With her last remark, Lois shot a warning glare over to Faith, who just widened her chocolate eyes and pursed her pouty lips in the perfect picture of innocence.
Lois sighed and planted a quick peck to the temple of each of her reckless children. She waddled out the door with a prayer that the house would still be standing when she got back.
The van pulled out of the driveway and Faith and Reese turned to each other, identical wicked sparks of mischief flickering in their eyes. "So what do you wanna learn first?"
"Crossbow," Reese replied without a moment's hesitation.
Malcolm's Aside: "Ok, who *isn't* counting all the ways this could go wrong?"
Malcolm rolled his eyes and stormed down the hall to his room, pretending to concentrate on homework.
Faith whipped her crossbow out of her weapons bag and loaded a dart into it.
"Hey, aren't you gonna show me how to load it?" Reese protested.
"Pfft- do I look stupid to you?" Faith shot back. She wasn't about to show Reese how to load the thing by himself before she was sure he could handle the weapon.
Reese frowned and held his hand out. Faith placed the crossbow in his arms. "Ok, just rest it easily along your arm, yeah like that," she praised when he had it in the right position.
"Now, here's your sight, just aim, keep it steady and pull the trigger."
"Man, this thing is heavy," Reese complained, lowering his arm for a moment. As it rested against his leg, Reese bumped the trigger just hard enough to make it release.
Faith was in the middle of telling him, "You get used to it after a while," when an unearthly scream of pain cut her off.
She looked down to see a dart protruding from her brother's foot. Reese began to scream and cry with pain, hopping about on one leg as he tried to clutch at his injured foot.
Faith rolled her eyes. "Here, hold still." She reached down and yanked the offending dart out of Reese's foot, only to cause another scream.
"Don't be such a baby," Faith scolded her younger brother, already reloading the crossbow.
Sitting at his desk, Malcolm huffed. "Well, I guess he's not dead yet," he figured, listening to Reese whimper as he tried to choke on his sobs.
Faith handed the reloaded weapon back to him. "Try again."
* * * * *
"I'm home," Hal called, coming in the front door.
Faith and Reese froze, eyes wide as they looked at each other. Reese gulped. Dewey, who had come in a little earlier to watch the fun, sank as low as he possibly could into the couch.
Hal came into the living room and gaped at the scene before him. Shattered vases and frames littered to floor, and he could spot at least three holes in the wall.
Faith was caught red-handed with the loaded crossbow she had been just about to pass to Reese. Hal frowned at her, his frown deepening when he looked at his son. Reese was pale and sweating, and had several puncture wounds in various places on his body.
"Reese, how did you manage to get hit in your arm?" Hal indicated the torn flesh of Reese's left biceps, assuming that Faith had lost patience with her brother and shot him in the arm. It was ridiculous to think that *anyone* could be so stupid as to shoot themselves in so abstract a place. Then again, with Reese you never knew. . .
Faith and Dewey sniggered as Reese blushed. "I tried to scratch my arm with the bow in my hand," he admitted sheepishly.
Faith frowned to herself, wondering why their father hadn't lost it with them yet and thinking quickly to stop him from going off at them altogether.
"Hey, Dad, you wanna try?" she offered him the loaded weapon.
Hal thought it over a moment. "M-Kay," he said, accepting the crossbow from his daughter's outstretched hand.
At his desk, Malcolm had looked up from his homework when he heard his father coming in the door. He listened patiently, waiting for the yelling to begin. When after a few minutes he still heard none of the hysterical ranting he'd expected from Hal, Malcolm became confused.
He crept over to the wall separating the boys' room from the living room, preparing to put his ear to the surface and listen closely for signs of life coming from his family in the other room.
As Malcolm leaned towards the wall, a stray dart splintered through the wood veneer, coming to a stop a mere inch from his forehead.
"Yee-haah!" screamed Hal from the living room, pleased with his first shot. He rushed over and pulled the dart out of the wall, only to see an incredibly shocked Malcolm staring at him through the new hole in the wall.
"Oh, hi son."
* * * * *
Reese and Hal spent the next hour firing darts at anything they could possibly imagine as a target. Soon Faith had enough confidence in their abilities to show them both how to load the crossbow by themselves.
She sat on the couch, watching tv with Dewey, while occasional pieces of debris littered the space around them. Faith sighed in annoyance, and every time Reese screamed about a fresh injury he had just given himself, she turned the volume of the tv up a little higher. Dewey smiled and nodded his approval.
All of them had completely lost track of the time, and Dewey's eyes widened when he saw his mother's van pulling into the driveway. He tugged on Faith's sleeve to get her attention and gestured to the window.
"Oh shit," Faith breathed, knowing they would never be able to hide the mess from their afternoon of destruction from Lois. Hal and Reese, however, were oblivious to the eight-and-a-half-months pregnant woman getting out of the van.
Using all her Slayer speed, Faith switched off the tv and swept Dewey up in her arms. She grabbed a storybook from the coffee table and slipped down the hall to her room without either of the men in the living room noticing.
She just had time to arrange herself and Dewey comfortably on her bed and open the storybook to a random page when they heard the front door slam. Dewey looked up at his big sister. "You said the 'S' word," his tone was disapproving and Faith fought the urge to laugh at him.
"What in the name of God is going on here?" Lois bellowed.
At the sound of screaming drifting down the hall, Faith and Dewey exchanged a glance. The Slayer ran into the living room, storybook in hand and Dewey on her heels, as if startled by the disturbance.
Hal and Reese were shrinking away from Lois, who was advancing towards them menacingly. Reese was trying to cower behind his father. Faith took this moment to announce her and Dewey's presence.
"Hey, what's going on?" she feigned surprise. Straightening, the males shot her accusing and indignant looks as they realised Faith had abandoned their sinking ship.
Lois took the distraction Faith provided as an opportunity to reach around her husband and pluck Reese out from behind him. It was then that she noticed the gaping wounds and pale sweatiness of her son.
"Oh my God!"
"Oh my God!" echoed Faith and Dewey on cue.
Lois rounded on Hal. "What the hell were you thinking!? I specifically said *no* weapons for him! Look at him- he looks like a pincushion!"
Hal whimpered.
"It hurts," Reese groaned. He decided his best and only chance of survival here would be to fake pain to the extent that Lois would feel she could not possibly cause him any more hurt by punishment.
"Everybody in the car, we're going to the hospital!" Lois ordered.
Reese gave his best doe-eyed look of gratitude, but Lois grabbed his ear roughly. She pulled him to the car by the ear, ignoring his pained outbursts as she lectured him for being so stupid and disobedient.
* * * * * . . . So, hope you liked those three little scenes I tacked together. And I know Faith was bad and said the 'S' word, but Dewey let her know the error of her ways, so I think that kinda cancels it out. I'll try and remind her to watch her language, but I don't know where she'll tell me to stick it. :-/ Stay tuned for a trip to the hospital, don't forget about that neat little review button just down there, ~Anoron.