I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAACK! Bout bloody time, too. Sorry for the delay, not easy
getting the internet set up on this crappy dinosaur of a computer that came
from the dark ages. And just to clarify, I didn't spend my time away from
posting securing the rights to Malcolm in the Middle, Buffy the Vampire
Slayer or Angel, so I don't own any of this. If I did own them, I would
make someone film this crossover for my own enjoyment. Hope you like the
next peace offering and I'll update quicker next time!
~Anoron
* * * * *
"Well this never gets old," Faith muttered sarcastically, throwing herself into a hard hospital chair. She noticed the looks her brothers were giving her.
"What? I had to go through all sorts of this waiting crap when you brats were being born! Well, the ones of you who were actually born in a hospital, anyway."
Dewey tugged at Faith's sleeve. "I'm hungry," he whined.
Faith fished around in her pockets for a minute and produced a crumpled up twenty dollar bill and a few quarters. She handed the twenty over. "Get one of your brothers to take you down to the cafeteria, I'm going to call Francis."
Both Reese and Malcolm were hungry as well, so all three boys went to the cafeteria together. Faith called the Grotto and quickly filled Francis and Piama in on what was going on and decided to follow her brothers down to get something to eat herself.
When she reached the cafeteria, she found it eerily empty, save for a few disgruntled looking workers. Faith stopped one as she passed.
"Hey, I'm looking for my brothers. You haven't seen three boys come in here have you?"
The woman just scowled and pointed to a table in the far corner before stalking off, mop in hand. Faith looked and saw the worst mess she'd ever seen piled up on the table. She wondered how they even managed to accumulate such a mass of rubbish within ten minutes.
"I guess this means I'm not getting any change from that twenty," she muttered aloud and walked out of the cafeteria to track her AWOL brothers down.
Faith searched the hospital quickly, wondering what sort of mass destruction she would come across when she finally caught up with them, then wondering how exactly she was going to kick their asses when that happened. She grinned at the thought as she turned down a deserted corridor.
Muffled sounds of a struggle stopped Faith dead in her tracks. She crept to the nearest door and listened. Nothing. She looked around and realised that there was only one other door in the hallway.
"Or we could go for what's behind door number two," she commented to herself. She pushed the door open and scanned the room for signs of life.
A huge, capsule-like thing, a sensory deprivation tank, stood in the middle of the room. The hatch was open, and two teenage boys were trying to bundle a younger boy in as he fought with all he had to escape. None of the boys noticed the other person enter the room. Faith's chocolate eyes lit up. She grinned mischevously and flew into motion.
Before they even knew what happened, Reese, Malcolm and Dewey had all been shoved into the darkness of the tank, the hatch slammed firmly shut on them.
"Hey!" came the protest of three voices, floating through the walls of the tank to reach Faith's ears.
Faith hoisted herself up to sit on top of the tank, swinging her legs back and forth so her heels kicked loudly against the sides.
Malcolm, as usual, was the first to figure out what must have happened. "Faith, what the hell!?" he yelled, banging against the inner wall of the tank.
"Hey Mal, what's up?" Faith called back, banging her hands on the top of the tank for good measure.
"Let us out of here!" Reese shouted.
Faith smiled and leaned back, lounging against the tank. "Now why would I go and do something like that? It defeats the purpose of having put you in there in the first place."
For a long moment, the boys were all at a loss as to how they could possibly counter Faith's logic.
"I'm scared," Dewey whimpered.
"Scared of the dark?" Reese sneered.
"No- scared of being locked in here until I suffocate on your smelly socks," Dewey countered.
"Oh my God they are rank!" Malcolm realised in horror.
Faith listened in amusement to the voices bickering back and forth for a while, until it gradually became less funny and more annoying. With a sigh, she heaved herself off the tank and back onto her feet and went to yank the hatch open.
Without looking, she pulled the handle with all her strength. A loud snap echoed throughout the room. Faith looked down at the handle still in her hand, but no longer attached to the closed hatch of the tank.
"Oh crap!"
"What was that?" Dewey asked fearfully.
"Uh. . . We got a little situation here," Faith admitted. "I kind of broke the handle off."
"What!?" three panicked voices screamed from their pitch black prison.
"I didn't mean to!" Faith yelled back, beginning to actually worry. How the hell was she going to get the boys out of this one? More importantly, how the hell was she going to get herself out of the blame for this one?
She looked around for something she could use to pry the hatch open, but the room was frustratingly empty. "Stay here," she called, planning to go and find something to work with.
Malcolm's Aside: "Yeah. Because I was planning on running off the second your back was turned!"
She was almost to the door when she heard the garbled mutterings of a sarcastic voice. "What was that Mal?" she called back.
"Nothing," Malcolm quickly squeaked, and Faith continued out the door.
What seemed like eternites passed for the imprisoned boys before they finally heard signs of life in the room again. "Faith? That you?" Reese called, a little uncertainly.
There was no response.
"Faith?" Malcolm tried, not quite keeping the slight tremble from his voice. Unconsciously, the three boys drew closer together in the darkness, then realised what they were doing, and sprang right back apart.
BANG.
Something hard slammed into the side of the tank, causing its inhabitants to jump so high they hit their heads on the ceiling. After hearing three thumps signifying heads hitting the insides of a sensory deprivation tank, the source of the disturbance cackled evilly.
"Hey, found something to get you out," Faith called innocently, once her laughter had subsided. "Back away from the hatch."
The loudest bangs and crashes reverberated around the room for five solid minutes as Faith went to work with all her power on the hatch. Finally, slivers of light leaked into the tank as Faith made some significant progress.
With a loud grunt, she ripped the seal off its hinges and tossed it aside. Slowly, Reese, Malcolm and Dewey slid out of the darkness. They blinked several times to get their eyes used to the light again, then turned to Faith with venemous glares.
"You're psycho!" Reese accused while Dewey pouted beside him.
"Where did you get a crowbar from in a hospital, anyway?" Malcolm wondered, looking at the weapon of choice resting in Faith's hand.
Faith shrugged. She didn't know how she'd come across the crowbar, she'd just spotted it, and hey, want, take, have, the rest was history. She tossed it aside and it clattered to the ground. The four surveyed the scene, all of them either secretly or openly proud of the destruction they'd all been a part of.
"Oh my God! What have you done?" a voice almost screamed from behind them. They whirled to find a security guard standing behind them, looking horrified at the damage they'd each been so proud of only moments ago.
The guard shook his head at them, and immediately collared the four of them and escorted them out of the room.
Hal burst out of the delivery room, his eyes ablaze with excitement. "It's a-" he broke his sentence off short. He looked around the empty waiting room and his face fell as he realised he had no audience.
Just then, a stern looking security guard marched four delinquents into the waiting room. Hal took one look at his children and exclaimed, "Oh geez!"
"Sir, these your kids?" the guard asked.
"Do they have to be? I got another one now, maybe that'll go better. . ." Hal trailed off and gestured back in the delivery room, where Lois and her new baby were still being tended to. He looked as if he was going to attempt an escape back in with his wife, but the guard stopped him.
"Well, thing is, I caught them downstairs, seems they vandalised the sensory deprivation tank. Ripped the hatch clean off it."
"Hal," Lois called out to him from her room.
With a relieved smile, Hal shot one last look at the guard before returning to his wife's side. "Just send us the bill."
* * * * *
* * * * *
"Well this never gets old," Faith muttered sarcastically, throwing herself into a hard hospital chair. She noticed the looks her brothers were giving her.
"What? I had to go through all sorts of this waiting crap when you brats were being born! Well, the ones of you who were actually born in a hospital, anyway."
Dewey tugged at Faith's sleeve. "I'm hungry," he whined.
Faith fished around in her pockets for a minute and produced a crumpled up twenty dollar bill and a few quarters. She handed the twenty over. "Get one of your brothers to take you down to the cafeteria, I'm going to call Francis."
Both Reese and Malcolm were hungry as well, so all three boys went to the cafeteria together. Faith called the Grotto and quickly filled Francis and Piama in on what was going on and decided to follow her brothers down to get something to eat herself.
When she reached the cafeteria, she found it eerily empty, save for a few disgruntled looking workers. Faith stopped one as she passed.
"Hey, I'm looking for my brothers. You haven't seen three boys come in here have you?"
The woman just scowled and pointed to a table in the far corner before stalking off, mop in hand. Faith looked and saw the worst mess she'd ever seen piled up on the table. She wondered how they even managed to accumulate such a mass of rubbish within ten minutes.
"I guess this means I'm not getting any change from that twenty," she muttered aloud and walked out of the cafeteria to track her AWOL brothers down.
Faith searched the hospital quickly, wondering what sort of mass destruction she would come across when she finally caught up with them, then wondering how exactly she was going to kick their asses when that happened. She grinned at the thought as she turned down a deserted corridor.
Muffled sounds of a struggle stopped Faith dead in her tracks. She crept to the nearest door and listened. Nothing. She looked around and realised that there was only one other door in the hallway.
"Or we could go for what's behind door number two," she commented to herself. She pushed the door open and scanned the room for signs of life.
A huge, capsule-like thing, a sensory deprivation tank, stood in the middle of the room. The hatch was open, and two teenage boys were trying to bundle a younger boy in as he fought with all he had to escape. None of the boys noticed the other person enter the room. Faith's chocolate eyes lit up. She grinned mischevously and flew into motion.
Before they even knew what happened, Reese, Malcolm and Dewey had all been shoved into the darkness of the tank, the hatch slammed firmly shut on them.
"Hey!" came the protest of three voices, floating through the walls of the tank to reach Faith's ears.
Faith hoisted herself up to sit on top of the tank, swinging her legs back and forth so her heels kicked loudly against the sides.
Malcolm, as usual, was the first to figure out what must have happened. "Faith, what the hell!?" he yelled, banging against the inner wall of the tank.
"Hey Mal, what's up?" Faith called back, banging her hands on the top of the tank for good measure.
"Let us out of here!" Reese shouted.
Faith smiled and leaned back, lounging against the tank. "Now why would I go and do something like that? It defeats the purpose of having put you in there in the first place."
For a long moment, the boys were all at a loss as to how they could possibly counter Faith's logic.
"I'm scared," Dewey whimpered.
"Scared of the dark?" Reese sneered.
"No- scared of being locked in here until I suffocate on your smelly socks," Dewey countered.
"Oh my God they are rank!" Malcolm realised in horror.
Faith listened in amusement to the voices bickering back and forth for a while, until it gradually became less funny and more annoying. With a sigh, she heaved herself off the tank and back onto her feet and went to yank the hatch open.
Without looking, she pulled the handle with all her strength. A loud snap echoed throughout the room. Faith looked down at the handle still in her hand, but no longer attached to the closed hatch of the tank.
"Oh crap!"
"What was that?" Dewey asked fearfully.
"Uh. . . We got a little situation here," Faith admitted. "I kind of broke the handle off."
"What!?" three panicked voices screamed from their pitch black prison.
"I didn't mean to!" Faith yelled back, beginning to actually worry. How the hell was she going to get the boys out of this one? More importantly, how the hell was she going to get herself out of the blame for this one?
She looked around for something she could use to pry the hatch open, but the room was frustratingly empty. "Stay here," she called, planning to go and find something to work with.
Malcolm's Aside: "Yeah. Because I was planning on running off the second your back was turned!"
She was almost to the door when she heard the garbled mutterings of a sarcastic voice. "What was that Mal?" she called back.
"Nothing," Malcolm quickly squeaked, and Faith continued out the door.
What seemed like eternites passed for the imprisoned boys before they finally heard signs of life in the room again. "Faith? That you?" Reese called, a little uncertainly.
There was no response.
"Faith?" Malcolm tried, not quite keeping the slight tremble from his voice. Unconsciously, the three boys drew closer together in the darkness, then realised what they were doing, and sprang right back apart.
BANG.
Something hard slammed into the side of the tank, causing its inhabitants to jump so high they hit their heads on the ceiling. After hearing three thumps signifying heads hitting the insides of a sensory deprivation tank, the source of the disturbance cackled evilly.
"Hey, found something to get you out," Faith called innocently, once her laughter had subsided. "Back away from the hatch."
The loudest bangs and crashes reverberated around the room for five solid minutes as Faith went to work with all her power on the hatch. Finally, slivers of light leaked into the tank as Faith made some significant progress.
With a loud grunt, she ripped the seal off its hinges and tossed it aside. Slowly, Reese, Malcolm and Dewey slid out of the darkness. They blinked several times to get their eyes used to the light again, then turned to Faith with venemous glares.
"You're psycho!" Reese accused while Dewey pouted beside him.
"Where did you get a crowbar from in a hospital, anyway?" Malcolm wondered, looking at the weapon of choice resting in Faith's hand.
Faith shrugged. She didn't know how she'd come across the crowbar, she'd just spotted it, and hey, want, take, have, the rest was history. She tossed it aside and it clattered to the ground. The four surveyed the scene, all of them either secretly or openly proud of the destruction they'd all been a part of.
"Oh my God! What have you done?" a voice almost screamed from behind them. They whirled to find a security guard standing behind them, looking horrified at the damage they'd each been so proud of only moments ago.
The guard shook his head at them, and immediately collared the four of them and escorted them out of the room.
Hal burst out of the delivery room, his eyes ablaze with excitement. "It's a-" he broke his sentence off short. He looked around the empty waiting room and his face fell as he realised he had no audience.
Just then, a stern looking security guard marched four delinquents into the waiting room. Hal took one look at his children and exclaimed, "Oh geez!"
"Sir, these your kids?" the guard asked.
"Do they have to be? I got another one now, maybe that'll go better. . ." Hal trailed off and gestured back in the delivery room, where Lois and her new baby were still being tended to. He looked as if he was going to attempt an escape back in with his wife, but the guard stopped him.
"Well, thing is, I caught them downstairs, seems they vandalised the sensory deprivation tank. Ripped the hatch clean off it."
"Hal," Lois called out to him from her room.
With a relieved smile, Hal shot one last look at the guard before returning to his wife's side. "Just send us the bill."
* * * * *