Dedication: To the wonderful Sammid for her insistence and almighty
fishiness. Without her the sushi would never have been.
*~*~*~*
"Welcome to Imladris Grandma! It is a pleasure to see you again!" Elrohir exclaims enthusiastically. Galadriel flashes a white smile and pats her grandson on the head.
"Now, now, Elrohir, didn't I tell you not to call me Grandma? It makes me sound old." Behind her, Haldir, captain of the Lorien guards, doesn't quite manage to hold in an amused snort. Galadriel turns around swiftly, waist length hair billowing menacingly. "Enough," she says simply, effectively wiping the smile off Haldir's face.
"Sorry M'lady, but you have been around awhile..."
"I said enough!"
Elrohir watches this exchange silently, completely missing the sounds of approaching boots. Boromir tiptoes up to him, leans in close and bellows (in a quite convincing Sindarin accent) "Hello darlings!" causing the elven lord to let out a startled yelp. Above him, in a tree, Celeborn bursts out laughing. Elrohir growls quietly.
"That was not funny you...human!"
Boromir reels backwards, looking as if he had just been slapped. There is an uncomfortable silence which is only broken when Celeborn comes tumbling out of the tree, a look of immense flabbergastation on his smooth face. The man suddenly starts chocking.
The lord of Lórien hastily scrambles to his feet. His eyes stare into nothingness for a few seconds.
Haldir eyes Boromir with concern, wondering if he should assist the poor man. He takes a small, hesitant step forward.
"Call an ambulance!" Celeborn bellows suddenly, shocking Haldir still. "Don't just stand there!" He yells at no one in particular. "And you!"
"What?" asks Elladan, "Me?"
Celeborn nods exasperatedly. "Yes you! Get me a toothpick PDQ!" Elladan frowns, but reaches into his pocket obligingly, pulling out an average, wooden toothpick.
"Here," he hands the tooth pick to Celeborn who shoves it away rudely.
"No!" the elf lord screams, "I said a toothpick! A toothpick!"
"But this is a toothpick!" Elladan replies, his voice rising slightly. In the background Boromir is still coughing violently.
"Well," Celeborn says dangerously, "get a bigger one. And that's an ORDER!"
Elladan jumps at the word 'order,' and scurries off towards the mansion, muttering curses and threats under his breath. Celeborn smiles, satisfied, when he feels a tug on his robe. Looking down, he finally remembers Boromir, whose face is turning a pretty violet color.
"Gasp!" Celeborn gasps, lifting a delicate hand to cover his mouth. "Where's my ambulance!" he cries hysterically. Haldir stares at him, blankly, too disturbed by what he's seeing to reply. In a panic, Celeborn grabs Boromir around the waist and yanks him to his feet. He smacks his back extremely hard while yelling, "Say hello! Say hello!"
Finally, after many horror filled moments, a small white object shoots from Boromir's mouth, right at Haldir. The guard ducks, sending the object into the forehead of his companion, Eruchîn. Haldir smirks smugly while Eruchîn clutches his forehead in pain. Celeborn rushes over to the guard as Boromir regains the color in his face. The lord of Lórien bends down, picking up the object from the ground and wiping it off on his robes. He holds it above his head, inspecting it in the light. The elf sighs unhappily.
"Bor'mir," he says seriously.
"Yes!" Boromir gasps quickly, trying to take in as much air as possible, despite the lie he told about only breathing arachidonic acid.
Celeborn walks over to the man and dangles the object above his head. Boromir's eyes widen slowly as he observes it. His lips curl into a small smile, before turning serious again. The steward's son opens his mouth to speak, sees his friend's glare, closes his mouth, and then opens it again.
"You. You just. Y-you," he stutters pathetically.
There is a tense silence in which everyone stares at Celeborn questioningly, curious about the strange object.
"Bor'mir, I'm very disappointed in you. I *know* we've had this conversation before and you said you were li-"
"It's not what you think!" Boromir cries out suddenly, waving his arms around wildly. Haldir's eyebrows rise while Galadriel observes her husband and his friend's antics in horrified silence. Celeborn has a look of great disbelief on his face, which only grows when the man adds, "I swear!"
The elf lord slowly leans in towards Boromir, the white object sandwiched tightly between his thumb and middle finger. "Are you trying to tell me," he begins, "that this object in my hand is *not* sushi?" At the mention of the raw fish the man of Gondor let out a loud, pitiful sob.
"I'm am sorry my friend," he mumbled, "but it is."
Haldir turned around to exchange puzzled looks with Galadriel, but the queen was too busy staring blankly at her husband to notice. Shrugging, the guard turns towards Eruchîn who offers no look in exchange. Haldir now looks defeated. He mumbles, "Everyone hates me."
"Don't be ridiculous!" Boromir pipes up, seemingly forgetting about the sushi. "Everyone can't possibly hate you!"
Haldir pauses, considering.
~~~
The section of offtopicness proudly brings you:
Happy Halloween starring Celeborn, Boromir and Genghis Khan.
Boromir: Happy Halloween!
Genghis Khan: There, you've said it, can I got conquer things yet?
Celeborn: No! We haven't gone trick or treating yet!
Boromir: I know! I want everyone to see my costume! (Is dressed up as a peanut) And Cel'born here looks like a million bucks!
Celeborn: (is dressed up as a million dollar bill) Yeah, so you have to come!
Genghis Khan: Ok, but I'm not wearing my costume.
Boromir: ...you're not? Oh (giggles) sorry!
Celeborn: (smacks Boromir) Don't make fun of the almighty Khan!
Genghis Khan: (rings person's doorbell) Trick or treat!
Person: O_O! You're not children! Ahhh! Keep away from my candy! (slams door in Genghis' face)
Genghis Khan: ...
Celeborn: That was fun!
Boromir: Yeah, let's go to another house!
Genghis Khan: You guys reek. I'm going home.
Boromir: (smells armpit, shrugs)
Celeborn: C'mon Bor'mir, I want candy!
(Suddenly "I want Candy" starts playing, and the two dance around mechanically.)
THE END! Happy scary Halloween everyone!
AK: Hi! Just so you don't have to waste your time telling me in your review, I'll say it for you.
AK IS A MORON. A BUMBLING IDIOT.
There, it's said. I know, I finally update and write like two words. So sorry, I'll try to update again soon!
*~*~*~*
"Welcome to Imladris Grandma! It is a pleasure to see you again!" Elrohir exclaims enthusiastically. Galadriel flashes a white smile and pats her grandson on the head.
"Now, now, Elrohir, didn't I tell you not to call me Grandma? It makes me sound old." Behind her, Haldir, captain of the Lorien guards, doesn't quite manage to hold in an amused snort. Galadriel turns around swiftly, waist length hair billowing menacingly. "Enough," she says simply, effectively wiping the smile off Haldir's face.
"Sorry M'lady, but you have been around awhile..."
"I said enough!"
Elrohir watches this exchange silently, completely missing the sounds of approaching boots. Boromir tiptoes up to him, leans in close and bellows (in a quite convincing Sindarin accent) "Hello darlings!" causing the elven lord to let out a startled yelp. Above him, in a tree, Celeborn bursts out laughing. Elrohir growls quietly.
"That was not funny you...human!"
Boromir reels backwards, looking as if he had just been slapped. There is an uncomfortable silence which is only broken when Celeborn comes tumbling out of the tree, a look of immense flabbergastation on his smooth face. The man suddenly starts chocking.
The lord of Lórien hastily scrambles to his feet. His eyes stare into nothingness for a few seconds.
Haldir eyes Boromir with concern, wondering if he should assist the poor man. He takes a small, hesitant step forward.
"Call an ambulance!" Celeborn bellows suddenly, shocking Haldir still. "Don't just stand there!" He yells at no one in particular. "And you!"
"What?" asks Elladan, "Me?"
Celeborn nods exasperatedly. "Yes you! Get me a toothpick PDQ!" Elladan frowns, but reaches into his pocket obligingly, pulling out an average, wooden toothpick.
"Here," he hands the tooth pick to Celeborn who shoves it away rudely.
"No!" the elf lord screams, "I said a toothpick! A toothpick!"
"But this is a toothpick!" Elladan replies, his voice rising slightly. In the background Boromir is still coughing violently.
"Well," Celeborn says dangerously, "get a bigger one. And that's an ORDER!"
Elladan jumps at the word 'order,' and scurries off towards the mansion, muttering curses and threats under his breath. Celeborn smiles, satisfied, when he feels a tug on his robe. Looking down, he finally remembers Boromir, whose face is turning a pretty violet color.
"Gasp!" Celeborn gasps, lifting a delicate hand to cover his mouth. "Where's my ambulance!" he cries hysterically. Haldir stares at him, blankly, too disturbed by what he's seeing to reply. In a panic, Celeborn grabs Boromir around the waist and yanks him to his feet. He smacks his back extremely hard while yelling, "Say hello! Say hello!"
Finally, after many horror filled moments, a small white object shoots from Boromir's mouth, right at Haldir. The guard ducks, sending the object into the forehead of his companion, Eruchîn. Haldir smirks smugly while Eruchîn clutches his forehead in pain. Celeborn rushes over to the guard as Boromir regains the color in his face. The lord of Lórien bends down, picking up the object from the ground and wiping it off on his robes. He holds it above his head, inspecting it in the light. The elf sighs unhappily.
"Bor'mir," he says seriously.
"Yes!" Boromir gasps quickly, trying to take in as much air as possible, despite the lie he told about only breathing arachidonic acid.
Celeborn walks over to the man and dangles the object above his head. Boromir's eyes widen slowly as he observes it. His lips curl into a small smile, before turning serious again. The steward's son opens his mouth to speak, sees his friend's glare, closes his mouth, and then opens it again.
"You. You just. Y-you," he stutters pathetically.
There is a tense silence in which everyone stares at Celeborn questioningly, curious about the strange object.
"Bor'mir, I'm very disappointed in you. I *know* we've had this conversation before and you said you were li-"
"It's not what you think!" Boromir cries out suddenly, waving his arms around wildly. Haldir's eyebrows rise while Galadriel observes her husband and his friend's antics in horrified silence. Celeborn has a look of great disbelief on his face, which only grows when the man adds, "I swear!"
The elf lord slowly leans in towards Boromir, the white object sandwiched tightly between his thumb and middle finger. "Are you trying to tell me," he begins, "that this object in my hand is *not* sushi?" At the mention of the raw fish the man of Gondor let out a loud, pitiful sob.
"I'm am sorry my friend," he mumbled, "but it is."
Haldir turned around to exchange puzzled looks with Galadriel, but the queen was too busy staring blankly at her husband to notice. Shrugging, the guard turns towards Eruchîn who offers no look in exchange. Haldir now looks defeated. He mumbles, "Everyone hates me."
"Don't be ridiculous!" Boromir pipes up, seemingly forgetting about the sushi. "Everyone can't possibly hate you!"
Haldir pauses, considering.
~~~
The section of offtopicness proudly brings you:
Happy Halloween starring Celeborn, Boromir and Genghis Khan.
Boromir: Happy Halloween!
Genghis Khan: There, you've said it, can I got conquer things yet?
Celeborn: No! We haven't gone trick or treating yet!
Boromir: I know! I want everyone to see my costume! (Is dressed up as a peanut) And Cel'born here looks like a million bucks!
Celeborn: (is dressed up as a million dollar bill) Yeah, so you have to come!
Genghis Khan: Ok, but I'm not wearing my costume.
Boromir: ...you're not? Oh (giggles) sorry!
Celeborn: (smacks Boromir) Don't make fun of the almighty Khan!
Genghis Khan: (rings person's doorbell) Trick or treat!
Person: O_O! You're not children! Ahhh! Keep away from my candy! (slams door in Genghis' face)
Genghis Khan: ...
Celeborn: That was fun!
Boromir: Yeah, let's go to another house!
Genghis Khan: You guys reek. I'm going home.
Boromir: (smells armpit, shrugs)
Celeborn: C'mon Bor'mir, I want candy!
(Suddenly "I want Candy" starts playing, and the two dance around mechanically.)
THE END! Happy scary Halloween everyone!
AK: Hi! Just so you don't have to waste your time telling me in your review, I'll say it for you.
AK IS A MORON. A BUMBLING IDIOT.
There, it's said. I know, I finally update and write like two words. So sorry, I'll try to update again soon!