A/N: Well, I have certainly taken my precious time in updating this little
old story, no? I just haven't been very inspired and driven to write
recently. I'm still really not. I wrote the Summer After Freshman Year like
a week ago, but it's too small to be a chapter by itself. I'm going to
attempt at writing some more into Senior year. It'll probably be sucky and
horrible. Lo siento. But, what are you going to do?
Reviews:
BrownEyedGurl: Mr. Davis is a pretty cool counselor. Those are always the best kind to have. The ones that know everything, but they're still cool about it all.
Chapter 5
~Summer After Freshman Year~
I know I mentioned that Lizzie and I had this special bond and that I feel closer with her than I do Miranda. But I don't think I ever said how in love with her I was. I was head over heels - in every sense of the phrase. There was nothing I wouldn't do for Lizzie if she asked me. I'm pretty sure she knew that too.
But, now, it's summer and I would truly learn the meaning of 'distance makes the heart grow fonder.' The terms of the divorce had me spending my summers with Mom and Chuck in Seattle. Whole three months without seeing Lizzie.
She sent me letters throughout the summer, mainly about what I was missing out on. None of it really mattered, but I always wrote back. Ever few weeks or so, a random postcard addressed to me would show up and there was always some stupid picture with an equally stupid message. None other than Noah.
One in particular will stay with me forever. It was probably bought at Spencer's or something. It featured a scantily clad muscular male, luring me in with his orgasmic facial expression. On the back it read: "Gordinator, If you return and learn that Lizzie has been strangled to death and I have been hung for the crime, just know it's only because she wouldn't stop talking about you. Which you may love, but trust me, it's not that great hearing about you 24/7! Peace, Noah"
For starters, Noah never once called me 'Gordo,' a nickname I'd had as long as I could remember. He'd always come up with something else to call me. I don't think he ever used the same creation twice either. He must have hidden a list somewhere.
Originally, reading the note, I couldn't stop laughing. I just kept imagining different headlines for why Noah strangled Lizzie. There were endless possibilities. Then, I realized that I hadn't finished Noah's message. I nearly fainted when I got to the end this time.
There's really no way he meant to write Lizzie though. He probably intended for Lindsey's name to be there. She was one of the 'new additions' and she flirted with me at every corner. I just knew he meant Lindsey and not Lizzie. Never Lizzie. Lizzie was too superficial to ever like me as more than her best friend. Which often made me wonder if I really was in love with her. She just had some really shallow moments. Not that she couldn't hold an intelligent conversation and that she doesn't have depth, because she does. It's just, Lizzie is boy crazy. Lizzie is hot boy crazy. That isn't really depth.
~Senior Year~
I've been at this school for a very short amount of time and made that same amount of friends. I have acquaintances, people I know I can call at any time I want to and get blazed with, people I can party with, but there is not one actual friend that I have made since I have come here.
That's what makes me think, that maybe despite everything that happened with Lizzie, I should have stayed in Hillridge. Sometimes I think that I took the coward's way out. That I couldn't face up to everything and deal with it. That I ran scared.
The only thing that comforts me is knowing that Miranda and Noah still contact me. Even though I left, and even though they still see Lizzie every day and are still friends with her, they can still talk to me. Miranda writes me every week and Noah about every month. E-mails and letters just got easier to deal with than phone calls. It's not the same, not hearing their voices, but it works for me.
Instead of what I used to do after school, hang out with my friends, I go to a local coffee house that I found. No one from school goes there and it's my time to pretend I'm older. To pretend that I belong outside of the high school world which I exist in at this time. Even though I know nothing about college, it makes me feel more mature and above the other seniors in my class.
I still can't hack true coffee, but I'm slowly becoming accustomed to drinking it more and more. It's my new favorite habit. The Digital Bean hasn't got anything on this place. Compared to Cap's (A/N: Name taken directly from Rats Saw God because Self could not think of another clever name. Bad Self.), the Digital Bean is a playground and Cap's is a high school parking lot. Both are the places the students congregate after school, but the playground and the parking lot have such different standards and uses that they aren't anything alike and they never will be. The Digital Bean is Lizzie, Cap's is loneliness.
~Sophomore Year~
I got back and realized that Noah must have meant Lindsey. There was no way he didn't. My first night back she called and wanted to see me.
Somehow, by the end of that first night, Lindsey kissed me. Don't ask me how, I don't know. All I do know is that she kissed me and Noah had meant to write her name and not Lizzie's. My dreams were crushed once again.
I also came back to my first job. I started working at a local park district building. It was tedious and boring, but I got to finish homework and my friends were allowed to visit.
One such night, the night after Lindsey and I kissed, she, Lizzie, and Noah came to visit me for a little while. Lizzie and Noah conveniently decided to go play basketball in the gym, leaving me to deal with Lindsey.
She started to walk towards the entrance to my area behind the desk. "I believe the two of us have some unfinished business, Mr. Gordon."
I didn't respond, I just watched her move closer to me. She must have taken my no response as a confirmation of sorts, because now she was directly in front of me.
"Good. There's really no need to be talking anyways." She smiled at me and once again, I found her lips attached to mine.
This time, I reacted, I stepped out of the kiss and she immediately stared at me. "What's your problem?" She said incredulously.
"You really shouldn't be back here. I could get into trouble." I methodically replied.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Again, I chose not to respond. "You're a dick."
She walked out from behind the desk and into the gym where Lizzie and Noah were still playing. She yelled to them that they were leaving. Lizzie and Noah abruptly stopped dribbling and stared at her in dismay. "Let's go!" Lindsey yelled again.
The three walked out again. Lindsey walked right past me, Lizzie gave a small tentative wave. Noah stopped where he was and gave me a sarcastic thumbs up.
A/N: This story sucks so badly. Why am I even continuing? Maybe I should just tell you all where this story is leading because I'm definitely not leading it there. I am, but not very well. Sorry it sucks.
Reviews:
BrownEyedGurl: Mr. Davis is a pretty cool counselor. Those are always the best kind to have. The ones that know everything, but they're still cool about it all.
Chapter 5
~Summer After Freshman Year~
I know I mentioned that Lizzie and I had this special bond and that I feel closer with her than I do Miranda. But I don't think I ever said how in love with her I was. I was head over heels - in every sense of the phrase. There was nothing I wouldn't do for Lizzie if she asked me. I'm pretty sure she knew that too.
But, now, it's summer and I would truly learn the meaning of 'distance makes the heart grow fonder.' The terms of the divorce had me spending my summers with Mom and Chuck in Seattle. Whole three months without seeing Lizzie.
She sent me letters throughout the summer, mainly about what I was missing out on. None of it really mattered, but I always wrote back. Ever few weeks or so, a random postcard addressed to me would show up and there was always some stupid picture with an equally stupid message. None other than Noah.
One in particular will stay with me forever. It was probably bought at Spencer's or something. It featured a scantily clad muscular male, luring me in with his orgasmic facial expression. On the back it read: "Gordinator, If you return and learn that Lizzie has been strangled to death and I have been hung for the crime, just know it's only because she wouldn't stop talking about you. Which you may love, but trust me, it's not that great hearing about you 24/7! Peace, Noah"
For starters, Noah never once called me 'Gordo,' a nickname I'd had as long as I could remember. He'd always come up with something else to call me. I don't think he ever used the same creation twice either. He must have hidden a list somewhere.
Originally, reading the note, I couldn't stop laughing. I just kept imagining different headlines for why Noah strangled Lizzie. There were endless possibilities. Then, I realized that I hadn't finished Noah's message. I nearly fainted when I got to the end this time.
There's really no way he meant to write Lizzie though. He probably intended for Lindsey's name to be there. She was one of the 'new additions' and she flirted with me at every corner. I just knew he meant Lindsey and not Lizzie. Never Lizzie. Lizzie was too superficial to ever like me as more than her best friend. Which often made me wonder if I really was in love with her. She just had some really shallow moments. Not that she couldn't hold an intelligent conversation and that she doesn't have depth, because she does. It's just, Lizzie is boy crazy. Lizzie is hot boy crazy. That isn't really depth.
~Senior Year~
I've been at this school for a very short amount of time and made that same amount of friends. I have acquaintances, people I know I can call at any time I want to and get blazed with, people I can party with, but there is not one actual friend that I have made since I have come here.
That's what makes me think, that maybe despite everything that happened with Lizzie, I should have stayed in Hillridge. Sometimes I think that I took the coward's way out. That I couldn't face up to everything and deal with it. That I ran scared.
The only thing that comforts me is knowing that Miranda and Noah still contact me. Even though I left, and even though they still see Lizzie every day and are still friends with her, they can still talk to me. Miranda writes me every week and Noah about every month. E-mails and letters just got easier to deal with than phone calls. It's not the same, not hearing their voices, but it works for me.
Instead of what I used to do after school, hang out with my friends, I go to a local coffee house that I found. No one from school goes there and it's my time to pretend I'm older. To pretend that I belong outside of the high school world which I exist in at this time. Even though I know nothing about college, it makes me feel more mature and above the other seniors in my class.
I still can't hack true coffee, but I'm slowly becoming accustomed to drinking it more and more. It's my new favorite habit. The Digital Bean hasn't got anything on this place. Compared to Cap's (A/N: Name taken directly from Rats Saw God because Self could not think of another clever name. Bad Self.), the Digital Bean is a playground and Cap's is a high school parking lot. Both are the places the students congregate after school, but the playground and the parking lot have such different standards and uses that they aren't anything alike and they never will be. The Digital Bean is Lizzie, Cap's is loneliness.
~Sophomore Year~
I got back and realized that Noah must have meant Lindsey. There was no way he didn't. My first night back she called and wanted to see me.
Somehow, by the end of that first night, Lindsey kissed me. Don't ask me how, I don't know. All I do know is that she kissed me and Noah had meant to write her name and not Lizzie's. My dreams were crushed once again.
I also came back to my first job. I started working at a local park district building. It was tedious and boring, but I got to finish homework and my friends were allowed to visit.
One such night, the night after Lindsey and I kissed, she, Lizzie, and Noah came to visit me for a little while. Lizzie and Noah conveniently decided to go play basketball in the gym, leaving me to deal with Lindsey.
She started to walk towards the entrance to my area behind the desk. "I believe the two of us have some unfinished business, Mr. Gordon."
I didn't respond, I just watched her move closer to me. She must have taken my no response as a confirmation of sorts, because now she was directly in front of me.
"Good. There's really no need to be talking anyways." She smiled at me and once again, I found her lips attached to mine.
This time, I reacted, I stepped out of the kiss and she immediately stared at me. "What's your problem?" She said incredulously.
"You really shouldn't be back here. I could get into trouble." I methodically replied.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Again, I chose not to respond. "You're a dick."
She walked out from behind the desk and into the gym where Lizzie and Noah were still playing. She yelled to them that they were leaving. Lizzie and Noah abruptly stopped dribbling and stared at her in dismay. "Let's go!" Lindsey yelled again.
The three walked out again. Lindsey walked right past me, Lizzie gave a small tentative wave. Noah stopped where he was and gave me a sarcastic thumbs up.
A/N: This story sucks so badly. Why am I even continuing? Maybe I should just tell you all where this story is leading because I'm definitely not leading it there. I am, but not very well. Sorry it sucks.