(Disclaimer: I do not own Meteor Garden or Hana Yori Dango though I
wouldn't complain if they give it to me. I also do not own F4 or any of the
characters included in the story. Again, I just happen to be a fan who has
ideas that I wanted to put into writing. I will not get any money from
writing this.)
After the overwhelming response I received from readers about my first fanfic Hua ze Lei's Confessions, here comes yet another story about my favorite MG character. And because I know that many were saddened about the plot of the first one, I made this a little lighter, with a promise that it won't make you cry. (at least I didn't, but if you would, don't get mad at me, please.) Again, this is a one-shot fic because I do not like writing long ones and I think it gives the story a little more edge. Also, this is the 2nd part of my HZL/SC "trilogy" though not in any way related to the previous one.
If it is quite dragging at the beginning, please still continue reading. It would get better as you read along. Honestly, I kept on asking myself how in the world would I be able to make something that would meet the readers' expectations because after HZL's Confessions, what more is left??? So I'm crossing my fingers that you'd appreciate it too, and somehow think it's OK despite the imperfections. Special thanks to Serena Li, owner of the site , for allowing me to use her name and of course to kaieka who encouraged me to post my fics in different sites. Feel free to comment and please inform me first if you wish to post it in another site. Thank you!!!
- red star
Author's note: A certain part of the story was based from a personal experience of mine while others are excerpts from some songs that I've written. All are original.
Sunset in Taipei
Winter in New York is really chilly. Snow would fall non-stop and there would be occasional blizzards. People stroll the streets clad in their thickest coats and jackets, desperately keeping themselves warm.
The Yuletide season had begun and shoppers, mostly single ladies or wives carrying along their kids are busy scouring the stores for the latest and cheapest finds- from gifts, to groceries, to the hottest fashion. The billboards and shop windows are plastered with the greeting "Happy Holidays!" but one would wonder why there is no "Merry Christmas!".
Christmas in New York is really sad. At least, that's what Serena Li thinks.
Serena is a full-blooded Chinese whose family migrated to the states when she was still young. She grew up there and had her education in a private school but her values still remain very much Chinese. She speaks Fukien and Mandarin fluently, regularly visits the temple and is a self-confessed conservative who would only date Chinese men who can gain her family's approval. They originally moved to California but since she graduated from college, Serena had resided in New York, where she works in an advertising company.
She looks like you average 27-year old Asian girl with porcelain skin and almond eyes. Vowed never to die her hair, it is straight, jet-black and falls just below her shoulders. Her svelte figure indeed attracts attention and she has a distinct characteristic that makes her stand out from other Chinese girls. the iris of her eyes are hazel-colored.
It was a Friday night and she was sitting by the window in her apartment, which overlooked the city. The brewed coffee she's been drinking was enough to warm her up and the legendary Matt Monroe was serenading her in the background. She could see the glowing neon lights, the vehicles, the towering buildings and even the silhouette of some people who worked overtime inside their offices. But she was much more interested in watching the snowflakes fall slowly and land on the windowpane before her. She had never done this as a child since it didn't snow in California and clearly, she was in awe of them. Like little angels that came down from heaven only to melt and be stepped upon here on earth.
She did this to keep herself amused for she was depressed and had been crying continuously for almost a week. Her boyfriend just disappeared without saying a word but left most of his things in his pad. No letters of goodbye, no reminders, not even a call! She had been searching like mad for him but he's nowhere to be found. She still didn't have a clue where he had gone and why he went away so abruptly.
She felt mixed emotions. anger, despair, confusion and even denial. Serena is still hoping that he would somehow contact her and explain what was going on. Was he running from someone? Did he elope with another woman? Did he try to end his life? These were just some of the questions that had been bugging her since the start of her ordeal. But no one would come forward to give her the answers she longed to find out.
It was peculiar for her boyfriend to do something like that. like something out of a melodramatic novel. To just leave your life behind and everything else that come with it. He may have been quiet and liked to keep to himself, but he was predictable. He never failed to amaze her though. with his wit and his wisdom, too matured for a 33-year old man.
They met at the workplace. Her boyfriend is a freelance consultant who is a regular customer of their ad agency. At first, there were no sparks or attraction but after a few encounters, she noticed something exceptional with his glare. it just penetrates the soul as if he can converse with you by just looking you in the eye. it could melt hearts and in a year that they have been together, that stare had indeed made her succumb many times. Her boyfriend was a full-grown man with eyes of a young boy. so meek and placid.
From what Serena knows, he was from Taiwan and is a son of a business tycoon who owns a multi-national company in Japan. His name is Hua ze Lei. Apparently, he went to an elite school called Ying De University and was part of the exclusive group F4. He left his homeland 11 years ago to study abroad and travel the world and he certainly traveled a lot. He had lived in London, in Sydney, in Paris and other far-flung places too. He did not talk much about his past but Serena couldn't care less for he was with her, in New York. Until that fateful day.
She noticed the fire was starting to die away so she got up from her comfortable seat and added more firewood. She squatted slowly in front of the fireplace, hearing the wood crack and reminiscing the moments that they shared in that spot. They way he kissed her, so passionately yet she felt he was holding back something, but did not mind at all because she knew Lei tends to be that way sometimes- detached, cold and impassive. Still, she missed him terribly.
Suddenly, her window opened and a gush of freezing wind entered the study room, carrying along some snowflakes and lone dried leaves. She hurriedly got up to close it but as she peeked outside, she saw an image of her boyfriend looking up at her. "Lei!" she shouted in excitement. Serena then quickly wore her robe but as she was about to tell him to wait, she found him gone. again. It was, after all, but a mere phantasm.
In disappointment, she leaned against the wall and tears dwelled up in her eyes. Immense sadness overcame her and she started to become scared. Scared that he might not return back. She broke down once more, slowly sitting down while resting her head on the icy cement wall. Like a dying patient who had lost all hopes.
For a while she stayed there. in that fetal position. Embracing her folded knees close to her chest, sobbing incessantly, just waiting for someone to console and tell her to stop weeping. to assure her everything's going to be fine. But she was alone in the apartment, which suddenly appeared bigger and more dismal.
Realizing that nobody's going to help her up, she composed herself and went to the computer instead. Most of the mails in her inbox were either a bunch of junks, or from her boss, none of which interested her. She was about to delete all, until she came upon a message from someone unfamiliar to her with the subject: Serena. She opened it and as she read, recognized it was from Hua ze Lei.
Serena.
A moment like this comes once in a lifetime. There's no such thing as coincidence, only destiny.
I apologize for doing this to you. For not saying goodbye appropriately and leaving you hanging in the air. Believe me, had I only known an event such as this would occur, I would have prepared myself. I would have expressed gratitude that is due you and spend a whole day alone with you. Things happened so quickly I was caught off guard and just found myself packing my things without intentions of ever returning.
Yes Serena. I'm sorry to say that this might be the last time you'll hear from me and I hope you will take time to read this long mail. I'm currently at the last urbanized city on the way to a remote area in Northeastern China. I am not backpacking or having a vacation. Though it may lack any rational argumentation, I plan to stay for good and you would know why as you read along.
For the time being, I'd like to take this opportunity to tell you how grateful I am to meet someone as special as you. The 13 memorable months we shared together are more than enough to bring radiance back into my grim existence. You truly are a wonderful person Serena, a person with a pure spirit who had hurt not a single soul. You do not deserve to be wounded and I would never forgive myself for bringing you misery. In fact, I am not worthy to even be loved by someone like you. You do deserve more.
I think I owe you an explanation. You have every right to know the reasons for my sudden disappearance. For such a long time I've kept from you my past. I locked it hidden inside and tried to escape from it. Tried so hard to separate myself from history that I feared to face.
As you know, I came from a well off family and was provided with all the luxuries in life. I've been friends with 3 other kids like me ever since I could remember. They are Dao Ming Si, Ximen, and Meizhuo, all of whom I considered my brothers. In school, they named us F4 for Flower four. even I do not know the reason. We lived arrogant lives, terrorizing schoolmates and using money to get by. That's all that we had anyway- humongous egos, a lot of cash, and our strong friendship.
Until she came along. A young lass who was brave enough to enroll at Ying De University, considering she came from a middleclass family. People made fun of her, pushed her around, ridiculed her simply because she was different. But she was courageous enough to stand up for herself and defy those who mocked her, even the popular Dao Ming Si.
Her name is Sancai. If I were to tell you the whole story, a day would not be enough. So many things took place, complicated things that I thought only happened in movies. She fell in love with Ah Si, against his mother's will. She fought hard for their relationship and eventually won. until he met an accident and lost his memory, falling in love with a Bhutan princess in the process. She held on though and struggled to help him retrieve his lost thoughts. Through these all, I've kept in the background for slowly, I realized, I was falling in love with her too.
Unfortunately for Sancai, he still chose the other woman. I felt her pain Serena, I did. She would cry to me at the rooftop and lean her head on my shoulders. I would feel my shirt get wet from the tears, feel her sobbing silently, shaking from defeat. I wanted to embrace her tight, caress her hair and console her. Tell her it was OK, that I was there. I knew I had to do something.
I remember everything vividly like it just happened yesterday.
It was a summer morning, about a year after Ah Si and his fiancée's engagement. The Taipei sun was up and the streets were free of schoolchildren who had gone to vacation. It was a windy day though. The breeze made the trees sway, making them sing in hush voices. There were pigeons flying, squirrels playing around, and people, both young and old, doing their daily jogging routine. The park was such a peaceful sight.
I arranged to meet Sancai there and have breakfast together. I have been waiting at the café for only a couple of minutes when she arrived, 5 minutes earlier than the expected time. I do not recall an instance when she ever came late. She was wearing a blue top, the color of the sky and paired it with jeans. Her smile never failed to make my day and the moment I saw her, with her hair down and a cheery look on her face, I just yearned to make her mine.
As we were eating, talking about anything under the sun and just having a blast, something came up that made me ask her "Have you given up on Ah Si?".
Suddenly, the brightness on her face disappeared. I badly wanted to knock my head for bringing it up and take the question back but it was too late. Sancai swallowed hard and took a deep breath before answering my query. She looked far away as if the answers were found in the distance.
"For such a long time I fought for Dao Ming Si. I fought to bring his memory back, I fought for our love." she said. "I guess I lost. I have let go but haven't given up yet. There's a difference between the two, you know. I have come to accept that he's going to be happier with his decision and I wish them all the luck. However, since the wedding is a few months away, a glint of hope is still left in my heart. How about you Lei, have you given up on Jing?" she asked me back, staring me straight in the eye, searching my soul for truthful answers.
I could only bow my head down and smile. She had no idea that the person I loved deeply was right in front of me, sipping her juice, and not someone who broke my heart long ago.
"Jing?" I was uncertain of what I'd tell her. "She's married now in France. If I were to say I'm still hoping somehow, that would be a lie. Because the instance you stop denying and admit to yourself that you can never have that person any longer, I guess you begin to give up."
I spoke the truth. That special place that Ten Tang Jing once occupied in my heart had been replaced by someone much more amazing. And the fact that despite her undying love for Dao Ming Si I remained to be special for her was more than enough reason for me to be grateful.
Our delightful get-together ended a little before 9 o'clock. I brought her back to her house and said our goodbyes. Just before she got out of the car, I gripped the steering wheel and gathered my guts to tell her something. Something I've been preparing for a long time.
"Will you meet me later?"
She seemed surprised and inquired back "Huh? We just spent the morning together. Where are we going anyway?"
I was so nervous, my palms were sweating. I took her left hand and enclosed it with mine. Breathing heavy, I looked her in the eye and said "Do you trust me?"
She clearly looked confused by my sudden change of disposition and merely nodded in response. "Well, if you trust me, please go to Bayview Park before 5 in the afternoon, OK? Please." I begged her.
Still with that puzzled look in her face, she smiled and said "Ok! OK! I'd be there, promise!"
So happy was I that without warning, I hugged her and thanked her profusely. What she saw was a different Hua ze Lei -no trace of coldness or indifference. at least for a couple of seconds. I handed her a piece of paper before I drove off and shouted "I'd be waiting for you!!!"
Looking at my rearview mirror, I saw her open the note where I wrote:
A moment like this happens once in a lifetime. There's no such thing as coincidence, only destiny.
At the barrier along the bay, I sat waiting for Sancai. Like the morning earlier, it was a beautiful summer afternoon with the sky glowing a certain hue of orange that reminded me of cotton candy. The palm trees that aligned the boulevard stood high like guards awaiting the arrival of a king. Children were playing around, riding bikes or flying kites; their laughter filled the air. An elderly couple a few meters from me were fishing, affection still evident in their eyes despite years of being married.
Everything was so simple yet beautiful. This is what life's about. I told myself.
With me were a letter and a small velvet-covered box. The anxiousness that I felt was beyond measure. My heart was pounding fast, I thought it was going to jump out of my chest. I've waited for years for that moment afterall. It was 5 minutes before 5 o'clock and no sign of Sancai. Ten minutes had passed already but even her shadow was nowhere to be seen. Maybe something came up, maybe she'd be late. But as I knew, she was never late.
I became worried. I called up her phone but it was turned off. What if she doesn't come? I laughed at myself. Don't think such thoughts Lei, Sancai will come. She promised. All of a sudden my mobile rang. "Sancai!" I eagerly answered without even looking at the screen. "Lei! Meizhuo here. Sancai what??" He was evidently puzzled by my greeting. "Where are you anyway?" "In Bayview Park.". I replied, sighing in disappointment. "What the hell are you doing there? Well I'd just like to confirm if you've received any of my messages. You didn't return my calls." "Yeah, I did receive them. I'd take care it, don't worry." I answered, touching the velvety coat of the box in my hand. "Alright. Take care of yourself then. Bye."
Since it was summer, night falls easily and before I realized it, the sky was getting dark already. I could see it Serena, the round sun setting in the horizon. so beautifully. The perfect ball of red-orange fire playing hide and seek with mankind, a reminder of how scarce life is. You take it for granted and then it's gone. If I could only capture that moment and bring it with me anywhere, I would. but I couldn't.
One by one, the stars appeared in the sky and the street lights lit up. Sancai never came. I held on at first and waited there. Maybe she would arrive and explain what went wrong, why she did not come on time. But I had waited a little too long already. She never saw the sunset, never heard the lines I've practiced for months to perfect. Never knew that a few hours from then, I'd be leaving Taiwan to study and live abroad. For good. It was my last chance to bid farewell and profess to her my love and the moment was ruined. Sancai broke her promise.
My heart was shattered so badly I didn't know what to feel. A part of me was furious, a part was tremendously sad. How could Sancai do this to me?? Was I not enough?? I was brought back to the moment when Jing rejected my request and left me waiting in the church in Barcelona. It happened all over again only that time, it hurt more.
The pain was unbearable. I fought to control my emotions but I failed. Right there and then I cried like I've never cried before. The hot tears streamed down my face endlessly, it never seemed to run dry. Suddenly, the once lovely scene I was in turned gloomy and forlorn. The coldness brought by the wind blowing hard against me was nothing compared to what I felt inside. I was alone all of a sudden, enwrapped in my own sorrow.
All that I heard were noise. No music, no sound, just pure exasperating noise. I sensed the world laugh at me, laugh at the misfortune that was I. Ten Tang Jing will never go to Spain! Sancai loves Dao Ming Si, not you! I felt self-pity and lost my remaining sense of worth.
In the middle of this all, a young girl about the age of 9 sat beside and gazed at me, concern evident in her eyes. "Why are you crying?" she asked innocently. "Did somebody hurt you?". I had to compose myself and wipe the tears with the sleeves of my shirt. I only bit my lip and nodded in response. She then embraced me and said "Don't worry, everything's going to be all right." I was really taken aback by her gesture and for a second, was frozen in shock. I then embraced her in return and smiled to show my appreciation. "Thank you."
I never realized someone as little could have such an impact on you. Her mere presence made me feel lighter and made me think things out. With a heavy sigh, I handed her the box. "Here, you may have it." She took it, opened the lid and her jaw dropped. I saw her eyes glow in fascination. "Wow! Is this real?" she asked, taking out the jewelry from its casing. There, in her hand, was a silver necklace with a pendant the shape of a sun. In the middle was a ruby surrounded by 8 curved rays.
After admiring it for a long time, she told me "No sir, I can't have it. My mom won't allow me." From the way she looked, it was apparent that they were in dire need of money so the necklace may be of big help. "Of course you can have it. Do anything you want with that. Sell it if you wish." I insisted. She put it back in the box and held on it tightly. "I will never do that." she firmly said. "I would keep this for you and promise to give it back when we meet again. Perhaps by that time, you'd find the person you meant to give this to."
Promises. I didn't believe in them anymore. She bid goodbye and I was left alone again at the bayside. It was nearing 8 o'clock already and I didn't realize I've been sitting there that long. This is it, my last night in Taipei. I put the letter on the concrete barrier where I seated, wishfully thinking she might find it if and when she goes there.
On my way back to my car, I noticed a part of that blockade was being renovated. I went closer and saw that the cement in a particular portion was still wet and that gave me an idea. I pressed my palm on it, creating an imprint and picked up a piece of stick. Underneath the impression of my hand, I wrote down some words as if to leave a piece of me and say I was here. I waited.
I never looked back Serena. I left my country a broken person with an altered outlook on life. However, I did not hate Sancai. There was the initial anger, of course but she was too special to be abhorred by someone like me. All those years I was hoping she would show up in my doorstep and enlighten me about what happened. Why she didn't come that afternoon.
I had a fresh start in the states. There, I took up my M.B.A at the U.C.L.A and proved my father that I do not live a futile existence. As you know, I made my dream of traveling the world come true, going places I never thought even existed, meeting people from all walks of life. This was my way of somehow forgetting her, of minimizing the pain. I've always been good in keeping to myself how I truly feel inside and people were deceived by my façade. Hua ze Lei may appear merry but deep inside he bled. Unknown to others, I was a flawlessly healthy fruit that rot within.
The first three years were the hardest. I would often lie awake in my motel room in a far-away land somewhere and reminisce the happy times we had together. The fireworks, the countryside, the rooftop. Now and then I would observe the stains on the ceiling and they'd make up the constellation of her face. From time to time I would look at the stars and pray that wherever she may be, Sancai was also gazing upon their beauty and the heavenly bodies would connect our souls. I was that hopeless.
One time, I braved to write her a letter. I visited my parents in Japan about 6 years ago and as I was walking in the park, the Sakura blossoms started to fall and fly away. It was truly a marvelous sight. There I was alone, standing in the middle of the grass, being enveloped with hundreds, even thousands of pink petals! I closed my eyes and the vision that lingered in my mind was that of hers. Her with long shiny hair swaying in the wind and smiling at me genuinely. I had a sudden urge of writing to her so I sat down and took out my pen and paper. Every single word that I inscribed was from my heart and I could recall each one of them.
Sancai,
Thank you so much for all the memories. You have not an idea how much impact you had on my being. The times we have spent together were some of the best in my life and no one could take those from me. I often play them in my head repeatedly and sigh with gladness for because of them that I survive in the harsh world. Wherever you may be now, I wish you only joy and much luck. Please know that my love for you is absolute. Do not waste your time thinking about who sent you this note. Just close your eyes and think of the only person whom you know loves you this much.
She never wrote back.
I lost touch with the rest of F3 though a couple of times, I was able to talk with Dao Ming Si, Ximen and Meizhuo. Ah Si was married to her princess a few months after I left. We made a vow to be the groom's men of each other but I was a no-show at the wedding. I had already apologized to him and he said that he understood. Ximen, on the other hand is still managing his father's company and is engaged to the daughter of the president. Meizhuo was in America the last time I heard, setting up a production company.
About 3 weeks ago, I received a business proposal from a corporation in Taiwan. They asked me to be their consultant and requested that I fly over there and discuss some things with them. Taiwan. I've never revisited that place again since the day I migrated, never even bothered to have a vacation. But the offer was too good for me to pay no attention to, I had no other choice but to have a look at it.
I did my best to hide from my friends and not let them know I was in Taipei. For sure, they would have thrown me a big bash and invited everyone I had ever encountered when I was still living there. The business trip itself took only 2 days and it was a success. I have added again yet another multinational company in my list of clients. I was supposed to leave right after the meeting on Saturday but there was a voice in my head that kept on imploring me to go visit the place I vowed never to return to.
On the way to the Bayview Park, I felt extremely nervous. Inside the taxi that I rode, I sat restless, millions of things going through my head. The streets of Taipei looked unfamiliar. I didn't recall seeing those towering buildings and grand shops that now align the avenue. The scooters that were once so popular seem to be a thing of the past now. I was lost Serena. In my own home I was lost. Like a piece of jigsaw that had been misplaced for a long time, it does not fit in the picture anymore.
I slowly got out of the vehicle, looking at the pavement that I was walking on. I'm not sure if it was fear that overcame me but I had the sudden urge of running away, of going back. But I've run away too much and it's time for me to face the music. I took a deep breath and gradually lifted my head to view the sight before me.
It was beautiful. The flowers, the sky, the water. I was surprised to see that very little of it had changed. The mighty palm trees still stood tall and the pigeons still drew near the folks that feed them. Except for the weathered benches and the brick-tiled partition that had seen better days, everything was still like the way I left it.
There I stood, breath-taken and slack-jawed in astonishment.
This is where it happened. This is where my life changed. After 11 long years, I'm back here again, reliving the painful memories of that afternoon. Is this really worth it?
And then I heard it. A few meters from where I was, I heard lovely music being played in the shop that was put up there. The Violin Café. Curious, I went inside and saw a young man playing the instrument at his podium near the entrance. The interior of the shop was exquisitely done, with different kinds of violins displayed on the walls. It has a very sophisticated ambience yet modern and unique.
A couple of people were dining inside and as I was admiring the decorations, a girl with long hair behind the counter greeted me. "Hi Sir, welcome to Violin Café! May I help you?" Sancai? No it can't possibly be. How did you not grow old? Then I realized of course, it was not her. I smiled at the young lady and complimented their shop. "This is a nice place and the interior is really wonderful. I am from abroad and only here for a business trip. Is it OK if I talk with the manager?" I inquired. "How about the owner, sir? She is here right now!" answered the girl enthusiastically. "Please." I replied and she went inside while I continued checking out the place.
About a few minutes later, she came out with her boss. "Sir!" she called out. I turned to face the woman, who seemed to be in her early 30's, wearing business attire, smiling at me. It was her. She had cut her hair shorter and had gained a little weight but right there and then I knew it was her. I will never forget that beaming smile anywhere I go. It was my Sancai.
Time stopped. Everything around us became a blur and we were left alone staring at each other. I knew that despite my neat brushed-up hair, eyeglasses, and corporate clothing, she recognized me. The smile on her face faded and her eyes grew wide. We were both speechless.
A few moments after, we found ourselves sitting at the farthest table outside the café, sipping on cappuccino. I didn't know what to say! How do you encapsulate 11 years into a few hours? What do you tell the person who once broke your heart the things you've been through?
To break the awkward silence, she started a conversation. "So. how are you?" she asked, trying hard to sound at ease. "Fine." I said, being the impassive and indifferent Hua ze Lei that I was. She merely nodded. "I heard you have taken your M.B.A. abroad. I bet you're doing really doing well in your career." she added, smiling in vain to lighten up the mood.
All of a sudden, I felt angry. How could you even ask me those things?? Don't you know you are the reason why I did not desire to ever return here?? I wanted badly to ask her, ask her why she left me waiting. I wanted to scream at her, grab her arm and show her what I've become of. What I turned out to be because she broke her promise. But I simply sipped my coffee and looked away.
She sighed and bit her lip yet continued talking as if everything is all right. "You know, Ah Si and Yesha have 3 kids already. Ximen is happily engaged himself. It's so amazing how time can fly so fast." she said dreamily. "Just a few years ago you all drank late at night in pubs, unmindful of the world around you and now. How about you Lei, any special person you life?"
That did it, that was the last straw. I never answered her question and instead said calmly but with bitterness, looking her in the eyes "Why did you not come? That afternoon, why did you not come?! I waited for you, didn't you know that? I waited. That was my last chance Sancai, my last chance for me to bid farewell and give you my gift but you never came..."
Her expression changed. Her thin lips trembled and tears started dwelling up in her eyes. "I came." she then spoke, after what seemed like an eternity. "I came but you were already gone. I came even if my hand was bandaged and my forehead was wounded!" She was trying to control it, I could tell but eventually the warm tears began to flow down. All the while she never took her gaze off me. "You know why I was late Lei? The taxi I was riding collided with a van. We were brought to the hospital and treated for our injuries. I was begging the officer to let me go because I knew you were waiting for me. But they won't!!! They won't!!!" she exclaimed, trying hard not to yell. "The instance they released me, I just took a cab and went straight here but I was late. You've already left!"
I was stunned beyond words. I had no idea she got into an accident, not aware that she even followed. The resentments I held against her all these years were but futile after all and I wanted to turn back the clock. Take back all the things that I've said to her.
"But.but. I didn't know." I uttered, clearly shocked by her revelation. "Of course you didn't know!!" she replied. "You didn't know because you ran away! You ran away from it all! I was not even given the chance to explain what happened, not given the chance to say sorry! And I never heard from you since."
Just as she said this, the girl that worked in the café came up to us, holding a tray with 2 slices of cakes. Sancai quickly wiped her tears off and composed herself. When the lass leaned over, I noticed the necklace she was wearing. I felt quiver crawl down my spine for it was the same necklace I bought for Sancai. It was one-of-a-kind and custom made so there couldn't possibly another kind existing.
"Pretty necklace." I said. "Where did you get it?"
"When I was a child, I met a man here at the park. He was crying and I tried to cheer him up. I guess he liked me 'coz he gave me this necklace." she answered smiling, touching the silver chain. "He told me I can do whatever I want with it, even sell it! But I will never do that, this is special. For the love of his life. I promised him that if we are to meet again, I'd give it back."
Never in a hundred years did I think that I'd see that girl again. I had even forgotten about the jewelry. I asked her if I could borrow it and she took it off cautiously. I took off mine too, a pendant the shape of a small key and with it, opened the lock from behind the red sun. The girl's eyes widened as I handed it back to her. "It. is. you then." she said to me slack-jawed then read aloud the words in Chinese characters engraved inside. Sancai, I'll wait for you forever.
"Ma'am, isn't your name Sancai?" she asked her, looking puzzled. Sancai was not able to answer. I too was at loss for words. We merely stared at each other, overwhelmed by what was happening. The girl must have grasped the meaning and left us alone. Before she did, she handed me back the necklace and bowed to show her gratitude.
"Come with me to America." I just uttered. "It's not yet too late." But her eyes became misty again and slowly, she lifted her left hand and in her ring finer, I saw the intricately designed gem. I was hit in the chest. I couldn't breathe and my heart ached awfully like someone was strangling me. In a flash, all my hopes vanished and I felt warm tears running down my cheeks. It was too late after all.
"His name is Chen, Ling Qi Chen. I met him in Hong Kong when I worked there a few years ago." she explained. "He is a banker and we've become close, almost like best friends even. You were gone, Ah Si had married, even Qing He was not around!" she sighed and looked me in the eye. "He is a good man Lei, he took care of me. I love him and we now have a son."
I didn't know how to react, really. A part of me was glad that she has found happiness in her life yet a part of me screamed in pain for the wounds that I thought have healed were cut open once more. I looked away and realized that the sky was the color of crimson. I just knew what I had to do. I took Sancai's hand and brought her to the spot where I sat 11 years ago.
"What are you doing?" she inquired. " Something that I should have done a long time ago. This is already 11 years over due." I answered.
I covered her eyes as we stood in the concrete barrier and asking her to keep it closed, placed around her neck the beautiful jewel. "This is what I've wanted to show you, this is what I've waited so long to do." I whispered in her ears. When the perfect moment came, I told her to open her eyes and there, in front of us glared the round sun, setting in the horizon. The perfect ball of red-orange fire playing hide and seek with mankind.
We were both in awe of the beauty that was before us. Everything seemed so. perfect. The sun, giving way to the moon and stars, the cool breeze blowing against our faces, the beautiful music that came from within the café. I asked her to dance and without hesitation, she held me tight and rested her head on my shoulder. We moved slowly to the rhythm, unmindful of other people around us. That moment, I didn't want it to end. I was silently praying that time would freeze and I could embrace Sancai that close eternally. That I could smell her hair and feel her skin all my life.
"You know I was really mad at Dao Ming Si." she said, still clinging on to my body. "About 5 years after they were married, I received a letter. He was thanking me, telling me how wonderful the memories he had of me are, telling me his love for me is absolute. How could he Lei? He didn't even write his name, just told me to close my eyes and think of the person who loved me that much."
I felt my shirt get wet and it brought me back in time when she would cry to me about Ah Si at the rooftop. Yet I had to pull away. Sancai was surprised I could see and looked at me with confusion. "I wrote that letter..." I said. "I was the one who put those words down. That message was from me."
She was dumbfounded and covered her lips in disbelief. We both stopped dancing and sat on the platform instead. I had an urge to laugh because it dawned on me- fate was playing with us.
"If you. if you only knew. would you have." I said coyly. "Yes I would." she answered, without letting me continue my question. She stared at the clear water. "Chen, he kept on asking me why I had to name my shop the Violin Café. why I had to set it up here. I just said that I find posh, and catchy but he doesn't know the real reason behind it." She then looked me in the eye. "It is because of you Lei. You have no idea how much you mean to me and how sad I was when I found out you left for good. I knew you were mad at me and I'm really sorry. That's why I built this café, wishfully thinking that if ever you are to return, you may find it here and know that that afternoon, I came."
That was more than enough. I felt the weight in my heart lifted, together with the hurt, and pain and resentment. It was past 6 and I had to catch my 7:30 flight but we chatted a little more. Sancai shared about her wonderful husband and son and how her parents are doing, while I told her about that fateful afternoon, the letter, the girl and even the portion of the blockade where I imprinted my palm.
We checked if it was still there and to my amazement, it had withstood time. Clearly visible was my palm and the words that I inscribed beneath it. She touched the form that was my hand and a tear fell on the pavement for it was only then that she saw my message that read:
A moment like this comes once in a lifetime. There's no such thing as coincidence, only destiny.
It was getting dark and I knew I had to leave. "So, I guess it will take quite some time until we see each other again. I have let go a long time but finally I can now give up. I know I cannot have you any longer, there's no point in holding on..." I said giving out a sigh to keep tears from flowing down. "Take care of yourself Sancai, I love you." I whispered, touching her hair and planting a kiss on her cheek. She broke down as I walked away as quickly as I could.
"What was in the letter?" she cried out making me stop on my tracks. I feigned a smile without turning to face her. "Don't worry about it. It's just a promise." I replied and continued walking. "What promise?" she demanded, still sobbing. I hesitated to tell her but I had no other choice. I swallowed hard and took a deep breath before I answered.
"That I will never love anybody else."
I hurriedly took a cab and inside, I broke down like a child. I told myself I will not look back but I couldn't help it. From the car window, I saw Sancai, still weeping, touching the imprint of my palm and the message that I left. That's the last time I would catch sight of her.
Now you know why all these times we were together, I've never said those three words to you. I am truly sorry and ask you to forgive me for all my wrongdoings. As I've mentioned, I'm somewhere in Northeastern China, about to go to a far-flung location. Serena, I have decided to spend the rest of my days in a monastery and dedicate my life to my religion and faith. It may seem ridiculous but there's no turning back now.
That is all I have to say. Be good and love your future husband dearly. Farewell.
Hua ze Lei
It took Serena a few minutes before she could take her eyes off the screen. The time was 2:30. She realized her eyes were hurting from crying non- stop. No, she did not cry because she was angry at Lei or jealous with Sancai. It is for the reason that she was so moved by their story and kept asking how someone could love another person as unconditionally as Lei did Sancai. Reading the e-mail helped her understand his decision and accept his destiny.
As she looked outside the window, she noticed it had stopped snowing and the stars in the sky were in their full glory. She stared at them with a smile on her face, praying that wherever Lei may be, he was also gazing upon their beauty and the heavenly bodies would connect their souls.
The End.
After the overwhelming response I received from readers about my first fanfic Hua ze Lei's Confessions, here comes yet another story about my favorite MG character. And because I know that many were saddened about the plot of the first one, I made this a little lighter, with a promise that it won't make you cry. (at least I didn't, but if you would, don't get mad at me, please.) Again, this is a one-shot fic because I do not like writing long ones and I think it gives the story a little more edge. Also, this is the 2nd part of my HZL/SC "trilogy" though not in any way related to the previous one.
If it is quite dragging at the beginning, please still continue reading. It would get better as you read along. Honestly, I kept on asking myself how in the world would I be able to make something that would meet the readers' expectations because after HZL's Confessions, what more is left??? So I'm crossing my fingers that you'd appreciate it too, and somehow think it's OK despite the imperfections. Special thanks to Serena Li, owner of the site , for allowing me to use her name and of course to kaieka who encouraged me to post my fics in different sites. Feel free to comment and please inform me first if you wish to post it in another site. Thank you!!!
- red star
Author's note: A certain part of the story was based from a personal experience of mine while others are excerpts from some songs that I've written. All are original.
Sunset in Taipei
Winter in New York is really chilly. Snow would fall non-stop and there would be occasional blizzards. People stroll the streets clad in their thickest coats and jackets, desperately keeping themselves warm.
The Yuletide season had begun and shoppers, mostly single ladies or wives carrying along their kids are busy scouring the stores for the latest and cheapest finds- from gifts, to groceries, to the hottest fashion. The billboards and shop windows are plastered with the greeting "Happy Holidays!" but one would wonder why there is no "Merry Christmas!".
Christmas in New York is really sad. At least, that's what Serena Li thinks.
Serena is a full-blooded Chinese whose family migrated to the states when she was still young. She grew up there and had her education in a private school but her values still remain very much Chinese. She speaks Fukien and Mandarin fluently, regularly visits the temple and is a self-confessed conservative who would only date Chinese men who can gain her family's approval. They originally moved to California but since she graduated from college, Serena had resided in New York, where she works in an advertising company.
She looks like you average 27-year old Asian girl with porcelain skin and almond eyes. Vowed never to die her hair, it is straight, jet-black and falls just below her shoulders. Her svelte figure indeed attracts attention and she has a distinct characteristic that makes her stand out from other Chinese girls. the iris of her eyes are hazel-colored.
It was a Friday night and she was sitting by the window in her apartment, which overlooked the city. The brewed coffee she's been drinking was enough to warm her up and the legendary Matt Monroe was serenading her in the background. She could see the glowing neon lights, the vehicles, the towering buildings and even the silhouette of some people who worked overtime inside their offices. But she was much more interested in watching the snowflakes fall slowly and land on the windowpane before her. She had never done this as a child since it didn't snow in California and clearly, she was in awe of them. Like little angels that came down from heaven only to melt and be stepped upon here on earth.
She did this to keep herself amused for she was depressed and had been crying continuously for almost a week. Her boyfriend just disappeared without saying a word but left most of his things in his pad. No letters of goodbye, no reminders, not even a call! She had been searching like mad for him but he's nowhere to be found. She still didn't have a clue where he had gone and why he went away so abruptly.
She felt mixed emotions. anger, despair, confusion and even denial. Serena is still hoping that he would somehow contact her and explain what was going on. Was he running from someone? Did he elope with another woman? Did he try to end his life? These were just some of the questions that had been bugging her since the start of her ordeal. But no one would come forward to give her the answers she longed to find out.
It was peculiar for her boyfriend to do something like that. like something out of a melodramatic novel. To just leave your life behind and everything else that come with it. He may have been quiet and liked to keep to himself, but he was predictable. He never failed to amaze her though. with his wit and his wisdom, too matured for a 33-year old man.
They met at the workplace. Her boyfriend is a freelance consultant who is a regular customer of their ad agency. At first, there were no sparks or attraction but after a few encounters, she noticed something exceptional with his glare. it just penetrates the soul as if he can converse with you by just looking you in the eye. it could melt hearts and in a year that they have been together, that stare had indeed made her succumb many times. Her boyfriend was a full-grown man with eyes of a young boy. so meek and placid.
From what Serena knows, he was from Taiwan and is a son of a business tycoon who owns a multi-national company in Japan. His name is Hua ze Lei. Apparently, he went to an elite school called Ying De University and was part of the exclusive group F4. He left his homeland 11 years ago to study abroad and travel the world and he certainly traveled a lot. He had lived in London, in Sydney, in Paris and other far-flung places too. He did not talk much about his past but Serena couldn't care less for he was with her, in New York. Until that fateful day.
She noticed the fire was starting to die away so she got up from her comfortable seat and added more firewood. She squatted slowly in front of the fireplace, hearing the wood crack and reminiscing the moments that they shared in that spot. They way he kissed her, so passionately yet she felt he was holding back something, but did not mind at all because she knew Lei tends to be that way sometimes- detached, cold and impassive. Still, she missed him terribly.
Suddenly, her window opened and a gush of freezing wind entered the study room, carrying along some snowflakes and lone dried leaves. She hurriedly got up to close it but as she peeked outside, she saw an image of her boyfriend looking up at her. "Lei!" she shouted in excitement. Serena then quickly wore her robe but as she was about to tell him to wait, she found him gone. again. It was, after all, but a mere phantasm.
In disappointment, she leaned against the wall and tears dwelled up in her eyes. Immense sadness overcame her and she started to become scared. Scared that he might not return back. She broke down once more, slowly sitting down while resting her head on the icy cement wall. Like a dying patient who had lost all hopes.
For a while she stayed there. in that fetal position. Embracing her folded knees close to her chest, sobbing incessantly, just waiting for someone to console and tell her to stop weeping. to assure her everything's going to be fine. But she was alone in the apartment, which suddenly appeared bigger and more dismal.
Realizing that nobody's going to help her up, she composed herself and went to the computer instead. Most of the mails in her inbox were either a bunch of junks, or from her boss, none of which interested her. She was about to delete all, until she came upon a message from someone unfamiliar to her with the subject: Serena. She opened it and as she read, recognized it was from Hua ze Lei.
Serena.
A moment like this comes once in a lifetime. There's no such thing as coincidence, only destiny.
I apologize for doing this to you. For not saying goodbye appropriately and leaving you hanging in the air. Believe me, had I only known an event such as this would occur, I would have prepared myself. I would have expressed gratitude that is due you and spend a whole day alone with you. Things happened so quickly I was caught off guard and just found myself packing my things without intentions of ever returning.
Yes Serena. I'm sorry to say that this might be the last time you'll hear from me and I hope you will take time to read this long mail. I'm currently at the last urbanized city on the way to a remote area in Northeastern China. I am not backpacking or having a vacation. Though it may lack any rational argumentation, I plan to stay for good and you would know why as you read along.
For the time being, I'd like to take this opportunity to tell you how grateful I am to meet someone as special as you. The 13 memorable months we shared together are more than enough to bring radiance back into my grim existence. You truly are a wonderful person Serena, a person with a pure spirit who had hurt not a single soul. You do not deserve to be wounded and I would never forgive myself for bringing you misery. In fact, I am not worthy to even be loved by someone like you. You do deserve more.
I think I owe you an explanation. You have every right to know the reasons for my sudden disappearance. For such a long time I've kept from you my past. I locked it hidden inside and tried to escape from it. Tried so hard to separate myself from history that I feared to face.
As you know, I came from a well off family and was provided with all the luxuries in life. I've been friends with 3 other kids like me ever since I could remember. They are Dao Ming Si, Ximen, and Meizhuo, all of whom I considered my brothers. In school, they named us F4 for Flower four. even I do not know the reason. We lived arrogant lives, terrorizing schoolmates and using money to get by. That's all that we had anyway- humongous egos, a lot of cash, and our strong friendship.
Until she came along. A young lass who was brave enough to enroll at Ying De University, considering she came from a middleclass family. People made fun of her, pushed her around, ridiculed her simply because she was different. But she was courageous enough to stand up for herself and defy those who mocked her, even the popular Dao Ming Si.
Her name is Sancai. If I were to tell you the whole story, a day would not be enough. So many things took place, complicated things that I thought only happened in movies. She fell in love with Ah Si, against his mother's will. She fought hard for their relationship and eventually won. until he met an accident and lost his memory, falling in love with a Bhutan princess in the process. She held on though and struggled to help him retrieve his lost thoughts. Through these all, I've kept in the background for slowly, I realized, I was falling in love with her too.
Unfortunately for Sancai, he still chose the other woman. I felt her pain Serena, I did. She would cry to me at the rooftop and lean her head on my shoulders. I would feel my shirt get wet from the tears, feel her sobbing silently, shaking from defeat. I wanted to embrace her tight, caress her hair and console her. Tell her it was OK, that I was there. I knew I had to do something.
I remember everything vividly like it just happened yesterday.
It was a summer morning, about a year after Ah Si and his fiancée's engagement. The Taipei sun was up and the streets were free of schoolchildren who had gone to vacation. It was a windy day though. The breeze made the trees sway, making them sing in hush voices. There were pigeons flying, squirrels playing around, and people, both young and old, doing their daily jogging routine. The park was such a peaceful sight.
I arranged to meet Sancai there and have breakfast together. I have been waiting at the café for only a couple of minutes when she arrived, 5 minutes earlier than the expected time. I do not recall an instance when she ever came late. She was wearing a blue top, the color of the sky and paired it with jeans. Her smile never failed to make my day and the moment I saw her, with her hair down and a cheery look on her face, I just yearned to make her mine.
As we were eating, talking about anything under the sun and just having a blast, something came up that made me ask her "Have you given up on Ah Si?".
Suddenly, the brightness on her face disappeared. I badly wanted to knock my head for bringing it up and take the question back but it was too late. Sancai swallowed hard and took a deep breath before answering my query. She looked far away as if the answers were found in the distance.
"For such a long time I fought for Dao Ming Si. I fought to bring his memory back, I fought for our love." she said. "I guess I lost. I have let go but haven't given up yet. There's a difference between the two, you know. I have come to accept that he's going to be happier with his decision and I wish them all the luck. However, since the wedding is a few months away, a glint of hope is still left in my heart. How about you Lei, have you given up on Jing?" she asked me back, staring me straight in the eye, searching my soul for truthful answers.
I could only bow my head down and smile. She had no idea that the person I loved deeply was right in front of me, sipping her juice, and not someone who broke my heart long ago.
"Jing?" I was uncertain of what I'd tell her. "She's married now in France. If I were to say I'm still hoping somehow, that would be a lie. Because the instance you stop denying and admit to yourself that you can never have that person any longer, I guess you begin to give up."
I spoke the truth. That special place that Ten Tang Jing once occupied in my heart had been replaced by someone much more amazing. And the fact that despite her undying love for Dao Ming Si I remained to be special for her was more than enough reason for me to be grateful.
Our delightful get-together ended a little before 9 o'clock. I brought her back to her house and said our goodbyes. Just before she got out of the car, I gripped the steering wheel and gathered my guts to tell her something. Something I've been preparing for a long time.
"Will you meet me later?"
She seemed surprised and inquired back "Huh? We just spent the morning together. Where are we going anyway?"
I was so nervous, my palms were sweating. I took her left hand and enclosed it with mine. Breathing heavy, I looked her in the eye and said "Do you trust me?"
She clearly looked confused by my sudden change of disposition and merely nodded in response. "Well, if you trust me, please go to Bayview Park before 5 in the afternoon, OK? Please." I begged her.
Still with that puzzled look in her face, she smiled and said "Ok! OK! I'd be there, promise!"
So happy was I that without warning, I hugged her and thanked her profusely. What she saw was a different Hua ze Lei -no trace of coldness or indifference. at least for a couple of seconds. I handed her a piece of paper before I drove off and shouted "I'd be waiting for you!!!"
Looking at my rearview mirror, I saw her open the note where I wrote:
A moment like this happens once in a lifetime. There's no such thing as coincidence, only destiny.
At the barrier along the bay, I sat waiting for Sancai. Like the morning earlier, it was a beautiful summer afternoon with the sky glowing a certain hue of orange that reminded me of cotton candy. The palm trees that aligned the boulevard stood high like guards awaiting the arrival of a king. Children were playing around, riding bikes or flying kites; their laughter filled the air. An elderly couple a few meters from me were fishing, affection still evident in their eyes despite years of being married.
Everything was so simple yet beautiful. This is what life's about. I told myself.
With me were a letter and a small velvet-covered box. The anxiousness that I felt was beyond measure. My heart was pounding fast, I thought it was going to jump out of my chest. I've waited for years for that moment afterall. It was 5 minutes before 5 o'clock and no sign of Sancai. Ten minutes had passed already but even her shadow was nowhere to be seen. Maybe something came up, maybe she'd be late. But as I knew, she was never late.
I became worried. I called up her phone but it was turned off. What if she doesn't come? I laughed at myself. Don't think such thoughts Lei, Sancai will come. She promised. All of a sudden my mobile rang. "Sancai!" I eagerly answered without even looking at the screen. "Lei! Meizhuo here. Sancai what??" He was evidently puzzled by my greeting. "Where are you anyway?" "In Bayview Park.". I replied, sighing in disappointment. "What the hell are you doing there? Well I'd just like to confirm if you've received any of my messages. You didn't return my calls." "Yeah, I did receive them. I'd take care it, don't worry." I answered, touching the velvety coat of the box in my hand. "Alright. Take care of yourself then. Bye."
Since it was summer, night falls easily and before I realized it, the sky was getting dark already. I could see it Serena, the round sun setting in the horizon. so beautifully. The perfect ball of red-orange fire playing hide and seek with mankind, a reminder of how scarce life is. You take it for granted and then it's gone. If I could only capture that moment and bring it with me anywhere, I would. but I couldn't.
One by one, the stars appeared in the sky and the street lights lit up. Sancai never came. I held on at first and waited there. Maybe she would arrive and explain what went wrong, why she did not come on time. But I had waited a little too long already. She never saw the sunset, never heard the lines I've practiced for months to perfect. Never knew that a few hours from then, I'd be leaving Taiwan to study and live abroad. For good. It was my last chance to bid farewell and profess to her my love and the moment was ruined. Sancai broke her promise.
My heart was shattered so badly I didn't know what to feel. A part of me was furious, a part was tremendously sad. How could Sancai do this to me?? Was I not enough?? I was brought back to the moment when Jing rejected my request and left me waiting in the church in Barcelona. It happened all over again only that time, it hurt more.
The pain was unbearable. I fought to control my emotions but I failed. Right there and then I cried like I've never cried before. The hot tears streamed down my face endlessly, it never seemed to run dry. Suddenly, the once lovely scene I was in turned gloomy and forlorn. The coldness brought by the wind blowing hard against me was nothing compared to what I felt inside. I was alone all of a sudden, enwrapped in my own sorrow.
All that I heard were noise. No music, no sound, just pure exasperating noise. I sensed the world laugh at me, laugh at the misfortune that was I. Ten Tang Jing will never go to Spain! Sancai loves Dao Ming Si, not you! I felt self-pity and lost my remaining sense of worth.
In the middle of this all, a young girl about the age of 9 sat beside and gazed at me, concern evident in her eyes. "Why are you crying?" she asked innocently. "Did somebody hurt you?". I had to compose myself and wipe the tears with the sleeves of my shirt. I only bit my lip and nodded in response. She then embraced me and said "Don't worry, everything's going to be all right." I was really taken aback by her gesture and for a second, was frozen in shock. I then embraced her in return and smiled to show my appreciation. "Thank you."
I never realized someone as little could have such an impact on you. Her mere presence made me feel lighter and made me think things out. With a heavy sigh, I handed her the box. "Here, you may have it." She took it, opened the lid and her jaw dropped. I saw her eyes glow in fascination. "Wow! Is this real?" she asked, taking out the jewelry from its casing. There, in her hand, was a silver necklace with a pendant the shape of a sun. In the middle was a ruby surrounded by 8 curved rays.
After admiring it for a long time, she told me "No sir, I can't have it. My mom won't allow me." From the way she looked, it was apparent that they were in dire need of money so the necklace may be of big help. "Of course you can have it. Do anything you want with that. Sell it if you wish." I insisted. She put it back in the box and held on it tightly. "I will never do that." she firmly said. "I would keep this for you and promise to give it back when we meet again. Perhaps by that time, you'd find the person you meant to give this to."
Promises. I didn't believe in them anymore. She bid goodbye and I was left alone again at the bayside. It was nearing 8 o'clock already and I didn't realize I've been sitting there that long. This is it, my last night in Taipei. I put the letter on the concrete barrier where I seated, wishfully thinking she might find it if and when she goes there.
On my way back to my car, I noticed a part of that blockade was being renovated. I went closer and saw that the cement in a particular portion was still wet and that gave me an idea. I pressed my palm on it, creating an imprint and picked up a piece of stick. Underneath the impression of my hand, I wrote down some words as if to leave a piece of me and say I was here. I waited.
I never looked back Serena. I left my country a broken person with an altered outlook on life. However, I did not hate Sancai. There was the initial anger, of course but she was too special to be abhorred by someone like me. All those years I was hoping she would show up in my doorstep and enlighten me about what happened. Why she didn't come that afternoon.
I had a fresh start in the states. There, I took up my M.B.A at the U.C.L.A and proved my father that I do not live a futile existence. As you know, I made my dream of traveling the world come true, going places I never thought even existed, meeting people from all walks of life. This was my way of somehow forgetting her, of minimizing the pain. I've always been good in keeping to myself how I truly feel inside and people were deceived by my façade. Hua ze Lei may appear merry but deep inside he bled. Unknown to others, I was a flawlessly healthy fruit that rot within.
The first three years were the hardest. I would often lie awake in my motel room in a far-away land somewhere and reminisce the happy times we had together. The fireworks, the countryside, the rooftop. Now and then I would observe the stains on the ceiling and they'd make up the constellation of her face. From time to time I would look at the stars and pray that wherever she may be, Sancai was also gazing upon their beauty and the heavenly bodies would connect our souls. I was that hopeless.
One time, I braved to write her a letter. I visited my parents in Japan about 6 years ago and as I was walking in the park, the Sakura blossoms started to fall and fly away. It was truly a marvelous sight. There I was alone, standing in the middle of the grass, being enveloped with hundreds, even thousands of pink petals! I closed my eyes and the vision that lingered in my mind was that of hers. Her with long shiny hair swaying in the wind and smiling at me genuinely. I had a sudden urge of writing to her so I sat down and took out my pen and paper. Every single word that I inscribed was from my heart and I could recall each one of them.
Sancai,
Thank you so much for all the memories. You have not an idea how much impact you had on my being. The times we have spent together were some of the best in my life and no one could take those from me. I often play them in my head repeatedly and sigh with gladness for because of them that I survive in the harsh world. Wherever you may be now, I wish you only joy and much luck. Please know that my love for you is absolute. Do not waste your time thinking about who sent you this note. Just close your eyes and think of the only person whom you know loves you this much.
She never wrote back.
I lost touch with the rest of F3 though a couple of times, I was able to talk with Dao Ming Si, Ximen and Meizhuo. Ah Si was married to her princess a few months after I left. We made a vow to be the groom's men of each other but I was a no-show at the wedding. I had already apologized to him and he said that he understood. Ximen, on the other hand is still managing his father's company and is engaged to the daughter of the president. Meizhuo was in America the last time I heard, setting up a production company.
About 3 weeks ago, I received a business proposal from a corporation in Taiwan. They asked me to be their consultant and requested that I fly over there and discuss some things with them. Taiwan. I've never revisited that place again since the day I migrated, never even bothered to have a vacation. But the offer was too good for me to pay no attention to, I had no other choice but to have a look at it.
I did my best to hide from my friends and not let them know I was in Taipei. For sure, they would have thrown me a big bash and invited everyone I had ever encountered when I was still living there. The business trip itself took only 2 days and it was a success. I have added again yet another multinational company in my list of clients. I was supposed to leave right after the meeting on Saturday but there was a voice in my head that kept on imploring me to go visit the place I vowed never to return to.
On the way to the Bayview Park, I felt extremely nervous. Inside the taxi that I rode, I sat restless, millions of things going through my head. The streets of Taipei looked unfamiliar. I didn't recall seeing those towering buildings and grand shops that now align the avenue. The scooters that were once so popular seem to be a thing of the past now. I was lost Serena. In my own home I was lost. Like a piece of jigsaw that had been misplaced for a long time, it does not fit in the picture anymore.
I slowly got out of the vehicle, looking at the pavement that I was walking on. I'm not sure if it was fear that overcame me but I had the sudden urge of running away, of going back. But I've run away too much and it's time for me to face the music. I took a deep breath and gradually lifted my head to view the sight before me.
It was beautiful. The flowers, the sky, the water. I was surprised to see that very little of it had changed. The mighty palm trees still stood tall and the pigeons still drew near the folks that feed them. Except for the weathered benches and the brick-tiled partition that had seen better days, everything was still like the way I left it.
There I stood, breath-taken and slack-jawed in astonishment.
This is where it happened. This is where my life changed. After 11 long years, I'm back here again, reliving the painful memories of that afternoon. Is this really worth it?
And then I heard it. A few meters from where I was, I heard lovely music being played in the shop that was put up there. The Violin Café. Curious, I went inside and saw a young man playing the instrument at his podium near the entrance. The interior of the shop was exquisitely done, with different kinds of violins displayed on the walls. It has a very sophisticated ambience yet modern and unique.
A couple of people were dining inside and as I was admiring the decorations, a girl with long hair behind the counter greeted me. "Hi Sir, welcome to Violin Café! May I help you?" Sancai? No it can't possibly be. How did you not grow old? Then I realized of course, it was not her. I smiled at the young lady and complimented their shop. "This is a nice place and the interior is really wonderful. I am from abroad and only here for a business trip. Is it OK if I talk with the manager?" I inquired. "How about the owner, sir? She is here right now!" answered the girl enthusiastically. "Please." I replied and she went inside while I continued checking out the place.
About a few minutes later, she came out with her boss. "Sir!" she called out. I turned to face the woman, who seemed to be in her early 30's, wearing business attire, smiling at me. It was her. She had cut her hair shorter and had gained a little weight but right there and then I knew it was her. I will never forget that beaming smile anywhere I go. It was my Sancai.
Time stopped. Everything around us became a blur and we were left alone staring at each other. I knew that despite my neat brushed-up hair, eyeglasses, and corporate clothing, she recognized me. The smile on her face faded and her eyes grew wide. We were both speechless.
A few moments after, we found ourselves sitting at the farthest table outside the café, sipping on cappuccino. I didn't know what to say! How do you encapsulate 11 years into a few hours? What do you tell the person who once broke your heart the things you've been through?
To break the awkward silence, she started a conversation. "So. how are you?" she asked, trying hard to sound at ease. "Fine." I said, being the impassive and indifferent Hua ze Lei that I was. She merely nodded. "I heard you have taken your M.B.A. abroad. I bet you're doing really doing well in your career." she added, smiling in vain to lighten up the mood.
All of a sudden, I felt angry. How could you even ask me those things?? Don't you know you are the reason why I did not desire to ever return here?? I wanted badly to ask her, ask her why she left me waiting. I wanted to scream at her, grab her arm and show her what I've become of. What I turned out to be because she broke her promise. But I simply sipped my coffee and looked away.
She sighed and bit her lip yet continued talking as if everything is all right. "You know, Ah Si and Yesha have 3 kids already. Ximen is happily engaged himself. It's so amazing how time can fly so fast." she said dreamily. "Just a few years ago you all drank late at night in pubs, unmindful of the world around you and now. How about you Lei, any special person you life?"
That did it, that was the last straw. I never answered her question and instead said calmly but with bitterness, looking her in the eyes "Why did you not come? That afternoon, why did you not come?! I waited for you, didn't you know that? I waited. That was my last chance Sancai, my last chance for me to bid farewell and give you my gift but you never came..."
Her expression changed. Her thin lips trembled and tears started dwelling up in her eyes. "I came." she then spoke, after what seemed like an eternity. "I came but you were already gone. I came even if my hand was bandaged and my forehead was wounded!" She was trying to control it, I could tell but eventually the warm tears began to flow down. All the while she never took her gaze off me. "You know why I was late Lei? The taxi I was riding collided with a van. We were brought to the hospital and treated for our injuries. I was begging the officer to let me go because I knew you were waiting for me. But they won't!!! They won't!!!" she exclaimed, trying hard not to yell. "The instance they released me, I just took a cab and went straight here but I was late. You've already left!"
I was stunned beyond words. I had no idea she got into an accident, not aware that she even followed. The resentments I held against her all these years were but futile after all and I wanted to turn back the clock. Take back all the things that I've said to her.
"But.but. I didn't know." I uttered, clearly shocked by her revelation. "Of course you didn't know!!" she replied. "You didn't know because you ran away! You ran away from it all! I was not even given the chance to explain what happened, not given the chance to say sorry! And I never heard from you since."
Just as she said this, the girl that worked in the café came up to us, holding a tray with 2 slices of cakes. Sancai quickly wiped her tears off and composed herself. When the lass leaned over, I noticed the necklace she was wearing. I felt quiver crawl down my spine for it was the same necklace I bought for Sancai. It was one-of-a-kind and custom made so there couldn't possibly another kind existing.
"Pretty necklace." I said. "Where did you get it?"
"When I was a child, I met a man here at the park. He was crying and I tried to cheer him up. I guess he liked me 'coz he gave me this necklace." she answered smiling, touching the silver chain. "He told me I can do whatever I want with it, even sell it! But I will never do that, this is special. For the love of his life. I promised him that if we are to meet again, I'd give it back."
Never in a hundred years did I think that I'd see that girl again. I had even forgotten about the jewelry. I asked her if I could borrow it and she took it off cautiously. I took off mine too, a pendant the shape of a small key and with it, opened the lock from behind the red sun. The girl's eyes widened as I handed it back to her. "It. is. you then." she said to me slack-jawed then read aloud the words in Chinese characters engraved inside. Sancai, I'll wait for you forever.
"Ma'am, isn't your name Sancai?" she asked her, looking puzzled. Sancai was not able to answer. I too was at loss for words. We merely stared at each other, overwhelmed by what was happening. The girl must have grasped the meaning and left us alone. Before she did, she handed me back the necklace and bowed to show her gratitude.
"Come with me to America." I just uttered. "It's not yet too late." But her eyes became misty again and slowly, she lifted her left hand and in her ring finer, I saw the intricately designed gem. I was hit in the chest. I couldn't breathe and my heart ached awfully like someone was strangling me. In a flash, all my hopes vanished and I felt warm tears running down my cheeks. It was too late after all.
"His name is Chen, Ling Qi Chen. I met him in Hong Kong when I worked there a few years ago." she explained. "He is a banker and we've become close, almost like best friends even. You were gone, Ah Si had married, even Qing He was not around!" she sighed and looked me in the eye. "He is a good man Lei, he took care of me. I love him and we now have a son."
I didn't know how to react, really. A part of me was glad that she has found happiness in her life yet a part of me screamed in pain for the wounds that I thought have healed were cut open once more. I looked away and realized that the sky was the color of crimson. I just knew what I had to do. I took Sancai's hand and brought her to the spot where I sat 11 years ago.
"What are you doing?" she inquired. " Something that I should have done a long time ago. This is already 11 years over due." I answered.
I covered her eyes as we stood in the concrete barrier and asking her to keep it closed, placed around her neck the beautiful jewel. "This is what I've wanted to show you, this is what I've waited so long to do." I whispered in her ears. When the perfect moment came, I told her to open her eyes and there, in front of us glared the round sun, setting in the horizon. The perfect ball of red-orange fire playing hide and seek with mankind.
We were both in awe of the beauty that was before us. Everything seemed so. perfect. The sun, giving way to the moon and stars, the cool breeze blowing against our faces, the beautiful music that came from within the café. I asked her to dance and without hesitation, she held me tight and rested her head on my shoulder. We moved slowly to the rhythm, unmindful of other people around us. That moment, I didn't want it to end. I was silently praying that time would freeze and I could embrace Sancai that close eternally. That I could smell her hair and feel her skin all my life.
"You know I was really mad at Dao Ming Si." she said, still clinging on to my body. "About 5 years after they were married, I received a letter. He was thanking me, telling me how wonderful the memories he had of me are, telling me his love for me is absolute. How could he Lei? He didn't even write his name, just told me to close my eyes and think of the person who loved me that much."
I felt my shirt get wet and it brought me back in time when she would cry to me about Ah Si at the rooftop. Yet I had to pull away. Sancai was surprised I could see and looked at me with confusion. "I wrote that letter..." I said. "I was the one who put those words down. That message was from me."
She was dumbfounded and covered her lips in disbelief. We both stopped dancing and sat on the platform instead. I had an urge to laugh because it dawned on me- fate was playing with us.
"If you. if you only knew. would you have." I said coyly. "Yes I would." she answered, without letting me continue my question. She stared at the clear water. "Chen, he kept on asking me why I had to name my shop the Violin Café. why I had to set it up here. I just said that I find posh, and catchy but he doesn't know the real reason behind it." She then looked me in the eye. "It is because of you Lei. You have no idea how much you mean to me and how sad I was when I found out you left for good. I knew you were mad at me and I'm really sorry. That's why I built this café, wishfully thinking that if ever you are to return, you may find it here and know that that afternoon, I came."
That was more than enough. I felt the weight in my heart lifted, together with the hurt, and pain and resentment. It was past 6 and I had to catch my 7:30 flight but we chatted a little more. Sancai shared about her wonderful husband and son and how her parents are doing, while I told her about that fateful afternoon, the letter, the girl and even the portion of the blockade where I imprinted my palm.
We checked if it was still there and to my amazement, it had withstood time. Clearly visible was my palm and the words that I inscribed beneath it. She touched the form that was my hand and a tear fell on the pavement for it was only then that she saw my message that read:
A moment like this comes once in a lifetime. There's no such thing as coincidence, only destiny.
It was getting dark and I knew I had to leave. "So, I guess it will take quite some time until we see each other again. I have let go a long time but finally I can now give up. I know I cannot have you any longer, there's no point in holding on..." I said giving out a sigh to keep tears from flowing down. "Take care of yourself Sancai, I love you." I whispered, touching her hair and planting a kiss on her cheek. She broke down as I walked away as quickly as I could.
"What was in the letter?" she cried out making me stop on my tracks. I feigned a smile without turning to face her. "Don't worry about it. It's just a promise." I replied and continued walking. "What promise?" she demanded, still sobbing. I hesitated to tell her but I had no other choice. I swallowed hard and took a deep breath before I answered.
"That I will never love anybody else."
I hurriedly took a cab and inside, I broke down like a child. I told myself I will not look back but I couldn't help it. From the car window, I saw Sancai, still weeping, touching the imprint of my palm and the message that I left. That's the last time I would catch sight of her.
Now you know why all these times we were together, I've never said those three words to you. I am truly sorry and ask you to forgive me for all my wrongdoings. As I've mentioned, I'm somewhere in Northeastern China, about to go to a far-flung location. Serena, I have decided to spend the rest of my days in a monastery and dedicate my life to my religion and faith. It may seem ridiculous but there's no turning back now.
That is all I have to say. Be good and love your future husband dearly. Farewell.
Hua ze Lei
It took Serena a few minutes before she could take her eyes off the screen. The time was 2:30. She realized her eyes were hurting from crying non- stop. No, she did not cry because she was angry at Lei or jealous with Sancai. It is for the reason that she was so moved by their story and kept asking how someone could love another person as unconditionally as Lei did Sancai. Reading the e-mail helped her understand his decision and accept his destiny.
As she looked outside the window, she noticed it had stopped snowing and the stars in the sky were in their full glory. She stared at them with a smile on her face, praying that wherever Lei may be, he was also gazing upon their beauty and the heavenly bodies would connect their souls.
The End.