Hi Minna!
It's been forever since I updated this, but it hasn't died yet! And it won't, if I can help it. I hope you all enjoy this next part! And Zack x Sephy fans: please don't kill me! It'll be okay in the end…really!
Well, in this part, we discover Zack's new relationship, and get an insight into how poor Cloud is taking the aftereffects of the war and the rearrangement of his universe.
* * *
(one month later)
Zack and Sephiroth stood side-by-side, pointedly not looking at each other or speaking. Part of that was anxiety. The vast majority of it was their recent 'break up'. Zack really didn't consider things over and done with between himself and Sephiroth, and they'd barely even begun with Cloud, but he'd finally met the absolute perfect girl, and he just couldn't pass her up.
The look on Sephiroth's face, though, when he'd told him…Zack almost hated himself for causing that much pain in his best friend. Then he almost hated Sephiroth for making him feel guilty about one of the best things that had ever happened to him. He'd tried to tell him about Aeris, about how special she was, but Sephiroth was determined to deal with his pain the usual way; by pushing it into a far recess of his psyche and freezing out the source of the pain.
He prayed to anybody who might be listening that Cloud could pick up Sephiroth's spirits, just a little. Maybe the blond could even convince him to forgive his truly remorseful friend, one day.
Ha, like that was happening. Sephiroth had a truly astounding capacity for grudge carrying.
Still, even with all the recent trauma in his personal life, Zack was eager to see Cloud again, and he knew Sephiroth was too. Why else would they be standing together in the biting wind, waiting for a rickety old personnel carrier to finish docking, in the hours before dawn? There were others there, of course, all waiting for the same ship to release the loved ones they'd not seen in months.
Zack felt a stirring of unease in the pit of his belly. He'd seen Major Shimo's report of the final decisive battle of the uprising, which, for reasons made obvious by the report, was being called the 'Meteor Rain'. He knew that that devastating attack had been torn from the Materia he'd given to Cloud, and he knew about the effects it had had on the boy; the near-insane rage that had resulted in one teen-aged, blond, specialist chasing after the whole Wutai army, alone, waving a gigantic sword in one hand as if it were weightless. The only reason Cloud hadn't been instantly pitched out of the army on his butt was that he'd basically just saved the day. And because now-Captain Jackson had been dead set on protecting him.
Zack allowed a tiny smile to grace his lips at the thought of Jackson's promotion. Jackson had seemed like a reasonable guy, and Banford had pissed him off long before he'd even known the name of the tiny blond kid he'd been molesting. He somehow doubted many people were going to attend Banford's funeral. Oh, yes, Banford had died horribly nearly a month ago. In a small skirmish to mop up the last resistance, not even an important battle, really, Banford had been hit by bit of shrapnel. His face had been made unrecognizable, but he had survived that. It had been the sharp sliver that had lodged itself in his belly that had killed him, and it had taken him two hideous days to die.
Yes, some days Zack just felt like singing. (Of course, he wouldn't dare. He was already in the dog house with Sephiroth; inflicting his singing voice upon someone with Sephiroth's perfect pitch was just cruel. Besides, Zack kinda wanted to survive to see Cloud again.)
Zack couldn't help, though, the little spike of anxiety in him at the thought of the differences he might see in Cloud. While the kid had never been entirely innocent, he'd just waded through a war, and gone half-mad with Materia overdraw. Zack wasn't sure what to expect Cloud to be like now. However, he firmly squelched his uneasiness, watching the transport finish its docking maneuvers and the ramp swing down. Tired looking troops walked down the ramp. Zack had seen many of these men before, and was struck by how different they now were. Their immaculate uniforms were gone, replaced with worn clothing of mismatched sizes and styles. Many now bore battle scars, and moved with the confident watchfulness of seasoned fighters. They all also broke out into joyous shouts and grins as they saw families and friends waiting for them on the dock.
Zack did not see Cloud.
The SOLDIER troops that were being rotated back into Midgar followed the regulars, and that was where Zack finally spotted the blond. He was walking easily beside one of the officers. He wore, to Zack's surprise, most of an old-style SOLDIER uniform, as opposed to the color-coded new one, including most of the armor. He had the standard Shinra rifle in the crook of his arm, and wore a trooper's boots (probably because he couldn't find SOLDIER boots the right size), and his sword was slung across his back. Materia of all colors sparkled in the bangles he wore and in the slots on his sword. His ponytail had grown out past his shoulders, but still spiked proudly. He was several inches taller, and had a lot more muscle on his frame. He was still short though, and had to look up at the SOLDIERs beside him as they talked. As he did so, the motion gave Zack a good view of a Wutaian Chocobo feather ornament in his hair.
Sephiroth beside him, stepped forward slightly, and Zack followed suit. The SOLDIERs halted, stared a moment, then saluted their commanders. Cloud followed suit, hand starting to come up in the SOLDIER salute, too, before changing into the salute typical of the Shinra Army. Sephiroth and Zack saluted back, then Zack abandoned all pretense of propriety and bounded across the intervening distance to scoop Cloud into a bear hug.
"Spike!" he exclaimed, beaming from ear-to-ear. "How are you? It's so good to have you back!"
Cloud blushed. Apparently, six months living with a bunch of dirty soldiers on the frontlines of a bloody conflict hadn't made him any less shy about physical contact. Zack didn't know whether to be happy or sad. Of course, since he now had a girlfriend, the point was pretty much moot.
Gasping as he was crushed in Zack's fierce embrace, Cloud managed to choke out, "I'll be better when I can breathe, Zack! Leggo!"
Zack pretended that he was hurt by the words as he let go. "Aw, Spike doesn't like me anymore?"
Cloud flushed again, and averted his bright blue eyes before Zack could study just how bright they were. He squirmed, and started playing with a wicked looking combat knife that was sheathed in his belt. Zack grinned. "Hey, no worries, Spike! I know you love me anyway!" If possible, Cloud flushed even darker, and Sephiroth snorted. Zack continued, this time needling Sephiroth. "Yeah, and Seph here was pining away after you the whole time you were gone, too! Ya better make it up to him!"
Zack listened with relish to the sudden surprised out rush of Sephiroth's breath, and smirked at the totally shocked expression on Cloud's face. He peeked at Sephiroth's face, and was pleased to see the very slight, almost unnoticeable, flush on his face. Blushing Sephy was a good thing. When he went sheet white, that was the time you just ducked and scrambled for cover. Zack had seen the results of several times when Shira executives hadn't learned that lesson quite fast enough.
Sephiroth sighed. "Of course, I was worried," he stated calmly, causing Zack to nearly choke. He had not expected Sephiroth the fess up that quickly. Of course, then Seph had to smooth it over. "Anybody would, when a friend is stuck in the middle of a war zone. However, I wouldn't classify it as 'pining'. 'Pining' is what helpless maidens do when their lovers are gone, not what generals do when friends are away."
Cloud smiled gratefully at Sephiroth, then turned to Zack with a cheeky, self-confidant grin. "So there," he said with a mildness that only underlined the cocky 'take that' expression on his face and in his stance. Surprised by the self-assuredness shy, wary Cloud was displaying, Zack burst into laughter. Sephiroth chuckled softly, too.
Cloud's SOLDIER friends were grinning, too, as they sauntered to the door. "Hey, Strife, we'll see you 'round," called one, a SOLDIER second. "You have fun with Colonel Zack and The General!"
Cloud ginned at them, turning his back on Zack and Sephiroth to wave one arm excitedly over his head, silver-spiked gauntlet flashing. "Yeah, see you guys later, Ricky! Oh, wait! Do you know where they're sticking you guys?"
The one called Ricky nodded. "Yeah. I got my own apartment, so me'n the guys are staying there. It's on South 13th Street."
"'Kay. Maybe I'll swing by tomorrow. I think the Captain's gonna give us a bit of leave. He's nice like that. Oh, and if you see Ray anywhere, though I doubt you will, tell him 'hi' for me and that he still owes me twenty gil!"
One of the other SOLDIERs spoke up. "Will do, Strife! Don't be a stranger, 'kay?"
Cloud threw him a thumbs-up. "Copy that, Reggie."
The SOLDIERs sauntered off, sending goodbyes over their shoulders.
Cloud whirled back around with a grin. "So, we gonna stand here all day, or what? Can we at least find a chair? My knees are killing me!"
Sephiroth's sudden worry was almost palpable, but his voice was as cool and smooth as always. "What happened to them?"
Cloud shrugged. "Just crouching in trenches day in and day out. Oh, and jumping off a couple of cliffs." Zack and Sephiroth stared at him, the exact same expression of disbelief on each face. "Hey!" Cloud exclaimed, folding his arms over his chest defensively. "It was mostly while I was overdrawn. I kinda chased the Wutai Army all over the place, regardless of terrain. But you probably already knew that." He laughed, and scratched the back of his head in the classic Wutaian gesture of embarrassment. "You shoulda seen me when they found me! Covered from head to toe in mud, blood, and other things, sticks stuck in my hair, stuck in a thorn bush upside-down, kicking and cursing and still trying to get at those rebels." He shrugged nonchalantly. "I hear it took six tranq darts to take me down. Idiots shoulda just knocked me over the head with a branch, or something. Right in my med history it says I've got a resistance to tranqs and status spells."
Zack was agape. Sephiroth's natural grace was the only thing that kept him any more dignified. "Holy's sake, Spike!" Zack gasped. "How in the Planet can you be so cool about that? Your own side tranq'ed you stupid for saving their asses!"
Cloud's eyes hardened, although, his face never changed around them. "When it's either fight or die, you learn to push distractions like that aside. Maybe once they confirm that we've got leave, I'll allow myself the luxury of a breakdown; you know, rage at the world a bit. Until then, the only choice is to ignore it."
Zack shook his head, even as Sephiroth smiled slightly his approval. /Wow,/ Zack thought. /I had almost forgotten how much alike they are. Of course, Cloud at least smiles; I've about had it with Seph's Mona Lisa impersonations. You almost can't tell when he does deign to smile./ "Spike, you just can't forget about your troubles."
Cloud craned his head slightly to look up at him. "Why not? Besides, I never said I was going to forget them; just store them for a little while."
Zack sighed, unwilling to continue this argument, today of all days, even knowing Sephiroth would take it as a victory, too. "Fine, fine, whatever. You said you wanted a chair; wanna ride with Seph?" Cloud shrugged, but his eyes sharpened on them, carefully studying them and the distance between them. Zack was just waiting for the moment he would say something in his new, cocky way, Sephiroth would pale, and Cloud would be facing down a seriously pissed SOLDIER general from point-blank range.
The dreaded moment never came. Cloud's eyes said he knew they'd had a falling out of some kind, but he didn't so much as cock an eyebrow at them. Fortunately. Zack could feel the waves of menace rolling off Sephiroth, and knew that any tiny gesture could set him off. /Damn. Seph needs to take an anger management class…/
"I guess I probably would plow into the side of a building if I were on the bike. Can't do that to such a beauty of a machine. 'Sides, I doubt I'll catch anything from being in close proximity to you, Sephiroth." Now he cocked a brow at Zack, then turned and gestured to the door, with a smile for the silver-haired General. "Shall we?"
Sephiroth's lips curled in the closest thing to a smile Zack had seen on him all week. "Why, certainly," he murmured as demurely as a six-foot war god could.
Zack was torn between once again gaping, and beating the both of them over the head with his Buster Sword. Sephiroth was flirting with the tiny blond! Who was nine years younger than he!
/Oh, stop complaining,/ a part of him growled. /You're only seven years older, and you were flirting, too. And you've no hold on Sephiroth, now. You left him, and a perfectly good relationship, for a girl you hardly know! One who's only a year older than Cloud, anyway! If you're so upset, why did you go in the first place? You would have been happy before, when you would have been included in it. You can't have this one both ways./
Zack growled menacingly at that mental voice. /Just shut up. I know I left him, but that doesn't mean I don't love him any more! But I love Aeris, too! And she's perfect and nice and wonderful--/
/And your parents would approve of her./
Zack shoved that thought away, but not before it got in a parting shot. /Now who's ignoring their problems?/
* * *
Cloud sat silently in the passenger's seat of Sephiroth's jeep. He was desperately curious about what had started the frigid distance between the two men he would like to call his friends, but he knew it must be a touchy topic. Zack had certainly been working hard enough to diffuse any possible conversational bombs. So Cloud just sat, idly musing over what it could possibly have been, and enjoying being Not In Motion for the first time in far too long. He could feel the seat pressing up against him, and his strength flowing out of him.
"We broke up," Sephiroth suddenly announced into the silence. Cloud twisted his head toward the pale general, blinking sleepily as his mind attempted to figure out what the hell the other was talking about. Sephiroth cocked a fine eyebrow at him as he spared him a glance away from the road. "You were attempting to puzzle out what had gotten the both of us so…" he trailed off, searching for the right word while he turned back to driving. "Distant," he finally decided on. "I guess it's better to just tell you than to let you speculate without any facts."
Cloud mulled over the words for several minutes. "What happened?" he eventually asked quietly, sounding drained. He'd known about Sephiroth and Zack's relationship, it was pretty hard to miss, and now it was like one of the key elements holding his universe together had vanished. He could only imagine what the two of them must have been going through.
Sephiroth shrugged in response to his question. "He found someone else he liked better." Sephiroth's voice lacked any weighty emotions, sounding only as drained as Cloud's had, with a faint coloring of pain and sadness. Even bitterness was absent, having already mostly burnt itself out. Sephiroth, Cloud had noticed, would usually just give in to anything if Zack wanted him to, and it looked as if he had once again resigned himself to following Zack's wishes. Still…
"What's he like?"
Sephiroth's lips twitched, and there was the bitterness. "It's not even a 'he'. And I haven't met her, yet. Zack keeps telling me he wants me to meet her, but…I don't know. Maybe once this starts feeling more real, and less like a nightmare with good things thrown in to make it hurt even more."
Cloud sighed. "Maybe meeting her will make it real."
Sephiroth shook his head adamantly. "Then I really don't want to meet her. Ever." He sighed heavily. "I guess it's cowardly, but I don't want it to be real. I don't think I can handle it yet."
With a long gaze at Sephiroth's profile, Cloud sighed again. He returned his eyes to the dreary Midgar scenery they were passing. "Then, take the time it takes to learn to handle it. But don't put it off too long; you won't hurt just yourself." /Take poor Zack, for example. Or me./
Sephiroth's eyes darted to his passenger. /Just what's that supposed to mean?/ Then he dismissed the apparent oddness of the statement. It was probably good advice, wrapped in a deceptively youthful package. Cloud did tend to come up with interesting and useful tidbits more often than useless drivel. /Besides,/ Sephiroth admitted to himself. /I need all the help with interpersonal relationships I can get. Including help from a guy almost a decade younger than I./
* * *
Cloud sighed and shut his eyes. Unbeknownst to him, Sephiroth smiled affectionately at the kittenish look on his face.
"Come on, Cloud," Sephiroth said. "You can't sit in the jeep all day."
"Mn, sure I can. I could sit here forever." The blond yawned. "Argh. Maybe I should've just gone straight back to barracks. I know we got today off; that's official already. But I really could just use the whole day to sleep, and doubt I'll be a very good guest."
Sephiroth allowed a smile to come to his face, though it was tiny, and his face wasn't accustomed to moving that way. "You don't have to be a good guest. Just our good friend." Cloud's eyes blinked open to stare at Sephiroth. "Come on," he again urged, holding out his hand. Cloud blushed slightly, looking adorably vulnerable, and placed his hand in Sephiroth's, allowing the general to help him out of the vehicle.
Cloud looked at the building. It looked just the same as it always had, betraying nothing of the changes in the lives of its occupants. Cloud looked up that huge distance to Sephiroth's face. "So, you two still live together?"
Sephiroth nodded mutely as he took out his keys. Cloud knew it must tear the general apart every time he entered that house, and wondered how he could do it. Did he spend more time at work, these days? Did he still cook and clean for the both of them? Did he have the irrational desire to go out and find someone to be with just to break Zack's heart in return?
Cloud could see in Zack's silvery-blue eyes that he felt awful about the whole break-up, and that he still loved Sephiroth, even if he couldn't say it. He wondered how much it must hurt Zack to enter this house, to sleep away from the silver-haired man he lived with.
Cloud's musings were interrupted by the roar of the motorcycle as it pulled up. Zack dismounted, locked the bike up, then pulled his helmet off in a cascade of wild black hair. He grinned what Cloud was beginning to designate his 'liar's grin' at the both of them, his face smiling while his eyes nearly bled soul-deep anguish. Cloud's heart hurt for both of them. /Whoever she is, Zack, she must really be something for you to be willing to deal with such hurt. I hope things will work out all around, and soon./
Sephiroth finally got the door open, cursing about old metal and the bolt sticking, and the three of them walked inside. While the outside had not changed, upon entering the very first room, Cloud could see the differences. Almost all of the little trinkets and touches that had said two people lived here, that had their personalities in them, were gone. The room was almost impersonal, while still looking lived in. The oddity was jarring, and Cloud immediately set his sword down in a conspicuous place, as well as his gloves and most of his bangles. He kicked his boots off in the middle of the floor and turned to survey the room. Satisfied that it no longer looked merely living, but rather alive, Cloud flopped down on the couch in an untidy sprawl that would have done Reno proud.
Zack had seen what Cloud was about, and smiled sadly at the compulsive need to make this room more comfortable. In that, he was more like him, than Sephiroth. Sephiroth marked his 'territory', but only to show it was his, not to make a space more relaxed. Seeing Cloud spread what little he had with him all over the living room somehow made Zack feel better.
Both Zack and Sephiroth stared at cloud when his stomach rumbled loud enough to be heard across the room. He grinned sheepishly at them. "Eh…gomen…I guess I'm gonna have to raid your 'fridge…"
Sephiroth waved him back onto the couch. "I'll get something we can all munch on. Just a sec." He vanished into the kitchen, leaving Cloud and Zack alone. The silence dragged on as Cloud hunted for a tactful way to ask what he was dying to ask. He finally gave up.
"So, what's she like?"
Zack visibly started. He scrambled to pull his thoughts together out of their sour depression and came back, rather intelligently, with "Uh, what?"
Cloud sighed. "Zack, don't play this game with me. What is your new girlfriend like?"
Zack flushed, half in embarrassment, half in anger. "I don't see that it's any of your business. What I choose to do, and with whom, is between me and that person. It's none of your concern and it's none of Sephiroth's either!"
Cloud blinked. He'd expected Zack to get his back up, but not so much, so soon. "Hey, I only wanted to know what she's like! She must really be someone special…Where'd you meet her? Does she have any hobbies? What does she look like? Is she nice? Does she mind that you're a SOLDIER?"
Zack sighed and the anger ran out of him. He'd overreacted, and he knew it, but he really didn't want to talk about Aeris right now. He loved her, would do just about anything for her, but life had sure gotten more complicated since she'd walked into it!
"Look, I really don't wanna talk about her right now," Zack said with a sigh. "Can we please change the subject?"
Though he didn't show it, Cloud was a bit offended. He sighed mentally to himself. /I should have known. I've not been around for months, and I've only known them for a bit less than a year, total, counting the time I was gone. Of course he's not going to talk to me./ The whisper of self-doubt that had grown so much louder after he'd awakened to find he'd chased down a beaten army piped up. /I'm not good enough./
Though Cloud would never say it, he was terrified of himself, now. The Materia overdraw had made him unstable enough to hunt down a beaten enemy, and he knew he'd caught a few. Their corpses had been found, mangled and mutilated almost beyond recognition as human beings, and Cloud had vague recollections of bones crunching in his hands, of cries for mercy, of the brilliant hue of arterial blood.
But overdraw could do nothing on its own, simply magnify flaws and instabilities already in the minds of the afflicted. Cloud had done that. Not the Mako, not the stress, Cloud. He had enjoyed the feeling of power, the dance of killing and death, even the guilt and pain as the fact that he was killing human beings slowly penetrated his Mako-saturated awareness was pleasant.
It had been a horrible blow. He'd always known he was no saint, but that incident had shown him that he was a demon, stuck in human form.
Zack looked at Cloud. The boy had been silent for too long after being told to drop the subject, and Zack was pretty sure he'd offended him. He hoped Cloud wouldn't be intent on giving him the silent treatment all day. But Cloud didn't look at all upset, just…vague. Distant. Unfocussed. Worried, but realizing that Cloud wouldn't like being fussed over, Zack just watched him for a minute.
"Hey, Zack?" Cloud's voice was soft and hesitant.
"Yeah?"
"You've killed people before, haven't you?"
Zack blinked. "Well, yeah."
Cloud's eyes swung to Zack, and Zack finally got a good sight of their eerily glowing depths. His gaze clung to him with near desperate strength, and Zack was mentally rocked back on his heels. Cloud had never struck him as the sort who would be effected so much by something like fighting for his life and killing in the process, but his eyes were deeply troubled. "Did you…enjoy it?"
Zack's eyes went very round. /Is that what this is about? Did Cloud enjoy fighting and killing? Planet, what does he want me to say? Like I know any better than he does! I just try not to think about their faces, what their families must have been like, if they had kids--/ Zack viciously cut that thought off, catching himself doing just that sort of wondering.
"Cloud…no, I never enjoyed it. Not the killing. Sometimes, though, just the fighting, the struggle…that, I have enjoyed all too often."
Cloud sighed almost inaudibly. "I did," he murmured as softly as his sigh. "I enjoyed the killing as an extension of the conflict, as the only end the dance of the battle could have; its only possible outcome. I…know it's wrong, but…I liked it." His voice trained into silence, and Zack sat there, feeling really stupid, but unable to find something to say to Cloud.
He was spared from having to make any reply by the reappearance of Sephiroth. He was totally willing, in that moment, to forgive Sephiroth anything, including his general stick-in-the-mud-ness. "Okay, food's up! Grab a plate and fork and take whatever you want."
Cloud went instantly back into cheerful-if-tired mode, with the rapidity only a lie could provide. "Wow, real food. Man, who needs Wutai to kill us all when we have Shinra fossil-rations!" The blond grinned and vanished into the kitchen, Sephiroth on his heels, and almost visibly preening at the vague compliment. Which was saying something, since Sephiroth did not preen.
Zack rose slowly from his comfortable chair and followed after them. If there was food, he oughtn't waste the opportunity. Who knew when he'd be in Sephiroth's good graces again, and able to get the other to cook for him? Fending for himself on the matter of cooking was not one of Zack's talents.
* * *
Well, I hope everyone enjoyed this part. I didn't think much really happened, but that may be because of the action being written into Scenic Route, right now. This part is also a little short, anyway.
Please review! I'm always open to suggestions, so feel free to review or email me if you want to make any or if my rambling was incoherent and you want an interpreter. *grins*
Until next time!
--Akuma no Tsubasa