Majora's Mask… Just Kill The Moon and Let Me Outta Here!!!!!
stefani teee a.k.a. Koneko ^Å^ (with some help from evil little sister, ^A^20%Angel^A^)
(20% angel? Yeah right, she's not even close to .1% angel! She's a demon! A demon I say!!!!! Ahem… on with the ficcie…?)
© Tale Spinners inc.
Koneko-chan says:
Hiya peeps! This is another Zelda humor fic that I've started. Now you all know that all humor fics aren't all funny, sometimes they're the exact opposite, they're simply stupid. But if you're looking for a few laughs, I can give 'em to ya! You've got to find something funny in here right? Good. Yes, like always, my idiotic little sister always looks in my file. So if you mind… *punch* *jab* *kick* there. She's gonna be barely helping, but I'm nice enough to give her credit. *Pause* OKAY! She helps a little more than that. But just half!
Disclaimers: No, none of this stuff belongs to me, and yes some other characters are joining in around here and they belong to me… especially me. I own me because this is a self-insertion fic but it's fuuuunnnnnyyyy. 'Kay? Good. Inspiration? Writer's block and total boredom on a Sunday where everyone I know is off to Wonderland while I'm grounded.
^A^20%Angel^A^: I own me too! And mommy doesn't ground people! J And WHO went to Wonderland without me?!
Stefani: *bops ^A^20%Angel^A^ on the head* No, you don't. I do!!! Who else has the power to put you in this fic?!
^A^20%Angel^A^: Me.
Stefani: *smirks* I'm the all-powerful author AND the editor! I can delete you from this!
Angel: *Sweatdrop*… Uh Stef?
Stefani: NANI?!
Angel: Who's the one who got me INTO this???
Stefani: YOU. But that's because you keep on sneaking into my file! And I can STILL delete you from this!!! Not to mention the fact that you don't know how to upload it on ANY web sites!
Angel: perhaps it's because I don't like the Internet…
Stefani: but that's because I'm the sister of the DULLEST girl in the world. You don't like music, you hate clothes shopping, you don't like the Internet, you don't like dresses, and you're… STILL not a tomboy, and much worse!!! YOU LIKE GROCERY SHOPPING!!! ARGH!!!
…
~~~~
****Scene One****
(Ahem, you are now being introduced to a beautiful, wonderful, sophisticated, did I mention wonderful autho—OW!!)
^A^20%Angel^A^: *smiling proudly, holding up shoe* One, you no pretty. Two you are an unfair bully. Three, you are not soft-ic-stick-crate-d of whatever you just said, and you are again, not wonderful- *puts back on shoe* *Squeaks as Stefani seems to grow very red and about to pound her into the ground when-* Everyone gets the point! Just get to the fic!
Stefani: Say what?
Angel:… Aw… fine. *Bows* I shall now introduce you, to my beautiful, wonderful, softicstickcrated… I think… and again the most wonderful author in all of the room. *Bows* And may I say she is the most wonderful sof-
Stefani: alright, just shut- UP!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stefani: *yells in frustration* Gaah!!! No!!! I can't think of a thing to write!!! AND I MEAN ME!!!! 'Lost, Found, and Gained' is going NOWHERE!!! I can't write!!!!! *Is suddenly hit by a very HEAVY something on the head* OWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Very HEAVY something: Ohh… and I thought falling off Epona hurt… (in a veerrryy familiar voice)
Stefani: *blink* I know you. You're that little boy… uh… BIG boy from the Zelda game…games. Gotta add that. What happened to you and what are you doing here? Do you know that barging in is considered a felony around here? Do you allow people to walk around in your house?!
Link: *pauses* Well, yes. That's what we have to do since I've got nothing more than a stupid curtain over my door… now that that question is done, back to my ranting and raving. HOW SHOULD I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING HERE?!
Stefani: *suddenly notices something* *stares up at the 15-year-old (yes he is 15 in here)* Aw, no fair!!! I'm even younger than the Hero of Time that I'm writing about!!!
Link: *Pokes Stefani on head* Um hello? You're the one who decided to make me fifteen.
Stefani: *blink* Oh yeah… well, it's easier to write about you when you're not a little kid.
Link: This is getting even more stupid than I thought.
Stefani: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME ABOUT MY FIC?!?!?!
Link: *sigh* One, we aren't doing anything. Two, I almost broke my neck coming here. Three, I almost died convincing your Sister to cooperate with me! Then she's crawling like a cat after me! And now, my only question is what exactly are we supposed to do?!
Stefani: *thinking hard* Good point, this IS getting stupid. And I still wonder how Angel got into YOUR location. Or perhaps I do… *snicker* I knew she was too young and stupid for her own computer anyhow… Now, on with this fic being stupid. Or already is, if you insist. *Thinks some more*
Link: *watches disturbed fourteen-year-old author nearly strangling Angel's neck with frustration with a sweatdrop at the side of head*
Stefani: *looks up* Oops, um, yeah… I've got an idea! Let's go back to Termina and laugh at everyone as they live through the three days over and over again!!! Like it or not! You came here to play in Termina! The second smallest and most boring land of the Zelda games' made lands!!! And after we're done, you're going to go back to Hyrule later on and blab to your friends you. had. a. great. time. aren't you? *hinting dangerously*
Link: *sweatdrop* Yeah, sure… *snaps* NO!!! WAIT!!!! *too late*
*Both of them pop up in South Clock Town and annoying panning around Town begins*
-Dawn of The First Day-
-South Clock Town-
Stefani: We're here. I was getting dizzy back there. Oh well.
Link: *sighing* Zelda took the Ocarina of Time back when I went back to Hyrule. I don't have it anymore.
Stefani: NANI?!?!?!?!?!
Link: I tried to warn you. But, since nobody let's me really TALK in the games, and can I blab blab blab and scream RAPE when I really need to?
Stefani: *blink* Yeah, sure. Okay. *NOW near tears* But I'm too young to die!!!!!
Link: Chill girl! I survived these damn freaky three days, you probably can too.
Stefani: YOU had the Ocarina of Time!!! AND you could come back to life!!!
Annoying Bell Thingamajiggy: DING! DING! DING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link and Stefani: *both look up at the YELLOW lightbulb puff with wings*
Again together: TATL?!
Link: Hey, is the Skull Kid still trying to squash Termina?
Tatl: The who? The Small Bib?
Link: *turning to Stef* Do I have a speech defect or something?!
Stefani: Uh… not that I know of. Now Tatl. About the SKULL KID, is he still trying to crush Termina ?
Tatl: The what?
Stefani: Are you dense?!
Tatl: Am I what?
Link: *sigh* Let's get moving, I doubt she's going to be much help.
Tatl: Get moving, doubt you be help…? Say wha?
*Both walk slowly—yeah right, as fast as hell away from crazy fairy and into East Clock Town*
Skull Kid: *appears out of Tatl's body* Eheeeheeeeheeee!!!!! I WILL SUMMON THE DOWN THE MOON!!!! AND IT'S EYES WILL GLOW WITH AN EERY LIGHT!!! AND THE MOON WILL CRASH!!! AND ALL WILL HAVE NO HOPE!!! And you all will all die in VAAAIIIIIIN!!!!! *Stops and calmly walks to East Clock Town*
Weird People Carry Logs Around and Making Absolutely No Progress: *sweatdrop* *Then go back to work walking around and around and around…*
Postman Guy Running Through South Clock Town: *Looks at Skull Kid*… You have very serious problems.
Skull Kid: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?!?! SOMEONE'S- OR IN ANOYONE ELSE'S CASE SOMETHING IS GOING TO ATTEMPT TO COMMIT MURDER TODAY…!!! DIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Shoves the Postman into a Postbox* Eheeeeheeeehee!!! That feels SO much better. EHEEEHEEHEEHEEEHEE!!!
Postbox: Something other than a letter has been deposited… KACHING! Will be delivered tomorrow… *sputter* Ka- ching! *Choke*
-East Clock Town-
Link: Kami what happened to her?!
Stefani: Must be too much influence from the Skull Kid.
Unknown Voice: UNNNCCCCCCCCCCLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEE LLLLIIIIINNNNKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!
*Both sweatdrop as they turn around slowly…*
UV: UNCLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Barrels into Link's arms*
Link: OOF!
*Little girl with purple hair looks up at him smiling happily*
Link: Who are you?!
Little Girl: Huh? Who am I? I'm your niece!!!!!!!! You WERE the one who named me. I'm Murasaki!!! (Purple in Japanese. Hey, it fits the hair color) Remember?! Do you? Huh? Huh?!
Stefani: *inching away from blinking Link* (hey, that rhymes!) You're 15 and you already have a ten-year-old niece?!
Murasaki: not really. Kaasan sent me here from the future. She's THAT powerful.
Link:… Oh.
Stefani: *turns to Murasaki* Who's your mom?
Murasaki: *proudly* *sticks nose in the air* Queen Zelda of Hyrule.
Stefani: Since when did you become related to Zelda?
Link: Uh… my older brother?
Stefani: You have an older brother?! How come I didn't know?! This is MAJOR news, and I DIDN'T KNOW?!?!
Link: Um… uh… you… didn't ask…? Hehehe?
Stefani: *fuming*
Murasaki: *raising an eyebrow and smirking* Hee hee. That's funny.
*Another voice pops up*
Voice: Hey dudes! Are the fins damp today? [1]
*All three turn to Mikau*
Murasaki: Uncle Mikau!!!!
(Just pretend Link with his Triforce thingamajig brought Mikau back to life.)
Mikau: *looks down to see the little girl with the long purple hair and blue eyes* Um… who are you?
Murasaki: *runs up to hug the Zora* I'm Murasaki from the future! You remember seeing me in Limbo while Link had that mask?
Mikau: You're that little scrawny little thing that was hiding behind a tree and chucking seaweed strands at me when I floating with Lulu weren't you?!
Murasaki: Well… um, *innocently looking away* maybe… AND I WAS NOT SCRAWNY!!!!!!!!! I WAS HALF HIDDEN FROM THE LIGHT!!!! AND THAT WAS BECAUSE OF THE WEIRD BLUE LIGHT THAT YOUR WEIRD SUBCONSCIOUS WANTED!!!!
Stefani/ Link *sweatdrop*
Mikau: Hey I didn't know that would happen to me!
Stefani: *looking pityingly at Mikau* It doesn't matter. I played the game remember? And you're pretty good at fighting… but how could you get half killed up by a bunch of girls?! (The pirates)
Wufei: (popping up in my ficcie) You got beaten up by a bunch of weak onnas? YOU'RE WEAAAAAKKKKKK!!!!!!
Stefani: *sighing and bringing out her famous mallet [2] and glances at it* I still haven't returned this to Akane… but oh well. *smacks Wufei on the head and boots him back into my Gundam Wing fic* *WHAP!*
Murasaki: *sighing* Well, anyway, since we are already going past 12:00 p.m. I think we should decide what we're gonna dooooo!!! I'm BORED!!!!!!!
Stefani: You sound like my little sis.
^A^20%Angel^A^ [3]: Heeeeheeeee. No she doesn't!!!!!!!!!! But this story is BOOOORRRRRRRRIIIIIIIINNNGG!!!
Stefani: *boots screaming, kicking, yelling little sister out of fic as well* See what I mean?
Others: (Ô.Ô) *nodding with HUGE sweatdrops at side of head*
Stefani: Well, Murasaki's right. We need to get moving. How about we get out of Clock Town altogether and run around Termina!!!! I really don't like those two guys chucking balls at each other.
Red Guy: Who are you talking about girl? Howahaha.
Stefani: You too: J
Blue Guy: Ehehehe.
Stefani: *blink* *blink* *blink* Okay… time to go… *runs towards the exit but gets knocked backwards by Weird Helmeted Soldier Dude*
WHSD: *spitting as he yells and Stefani ducks slightly with an umbrella borrowed from Anju* YOU CAN'T GO OUT UNLESS YOU HAVE A SWORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link: *walking up quickly as he sees Stefani mad enough to scream and pound the soldier into a tiny little grease stain on the pavement* I've got a sword and you're going to see how that feels in your face unless you let us get through!!!!!
WHSD: *moves aside quickly as he sees Stefani's mallet in hand* Uhhh th-thank-you f-for vis-visiting Cl-Clock Town. *Gives up on trying to look brave and runs away screaming like a baby in a high pitched voice:* MOOOOOMMMMYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!
WHSD: *runs back to little girl* this one should be easier… HEY! YOU CAN'T GO OUT UNLESS YOU HAVE A SWORD!!!!
^A^20%Angel^A^: ... *Looks at little pouch of weapons* I think it's time I forget everything else and use my ULTIMATE weapon… heeheehee…
Stefani: *inches behind WHSD* and you don't want to know what THAT is…
WHSD: I'm the brave soldier! She's a kid! What's your, 'ultimate weapon?' You WEAAAAK kid Come and get me!!!
All (except little sister and soldier): Uh… oh…
^A^20%Angel^A^: O.O…NANI?! OMAE O KOROSU!!! *Grabs out Tinkerbell Wand* DIE! DIE! DIE! *Turns WHSD into a pancake* Oops… wrong spell… but it fit! *Runs away before yelling her butt off*
All: (Ô.Ô)
^A^20%Angel^A^: *runs back* MEOOOOOOOOOOOW!
Stefani: My name is Koneko. Hers is… something or other that I have forgotten. But you see why she's known as my sister?
All: *nod as ^A^20%Angel^A^ start circling WHSD on the pole* Meow!!! Meow!!! Puuuuuurr!!!
Link: now he knows how I felt…
WHSD: AIIIIIE! My beautiful face!!! *Runs around yelling* CAT ON THE LOOSE! CAT ON THE LOOSE!!!!
All: (Ô.Ô) *sweatdrop*
Murasaki: *snaps picture* Heehee!
Link: *sigh* Queer guards…
Stefani: *shrugs and walks out with an entourage of Link, Mikau, Murasaki… and a weird shadowy thing that won't leave them alone… and ^A^20%Angel^A^ yelling by West Clock Town and turning everyone into screaming donuts instead of pancakes*
-Termina Field-
Stefani: Grr…. THIS is annoying…*90 degree turn* Who are you?!
Blue Haired Guy In Funky Pikachu Mask: *gulp* Can I trust you?
Murasaki: *flatly* You're hiding obviously behind us like a spy guy from Mission Impossible II and you ask us if WE can trust YOU?!
BHGIFPM: … (obviously nothing) I'm… that obvious?
All: *nod with great respect for the boy with the mask near tears* Uh- huh…
Kafei (as he turns out to be… the hair gives him away completely): I have to find the Sun Mask for Anju.
Stefani: I don't know why you have to… I mean, when I went over she was crying because you wouldn't see her.
Kafei: How?!
Stefani: no DUH! look on her face* I played the game remember?
Kafei: Nooooooo.
Stefani: Figures.
Big Enemy Pink Blob Thing That Makes Weird Squishing Noises As It Jumps *squish* *squish* *squish*
Stefani: YOU WANNA KNOW SQUISH?! I'LL GIVE YOU A SQUISH!
SQUISH
^A^29%Angel^A^: guess with what famous item?
*Stefani slams mallet on BPBTTMWSNAIJ which immediately makes a different squishing noise and pops leaving a slimy floating heart with tiny sparkles floating down after it*
Murasaki: *turns green (which doesn't look good with purple hair) as she stares at still wriggling heart* EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stefani: *stares at her in pity* I know what you mean… that's what I said the first time I played this. (Actually I didn't…) My little sis was different. She just kept screaming and screaming until Lily called. Thank you Great Goddesses for that!!!
Link: Are you kidding?! You only had to see it! I was actually IN it. All those monsters crammed into three days could send ANYONE into psychotherapy.
Stefani: *blinking* Oh come on… you were okay weren't you? You had more than three days… you had as many days as you wanted when you could play the Song of Time!!!
Link: yeah, well, but than I couldn't keep on putting more than 5000 bucks into the bank!!! And then I'd lose everything that I got!!! Not to mention I would always be forgotten by EVERYONE!!! And then when I forget my highest scores, the dudes always say the score for the Shooting Gallery is 39!!! And when those messed fairies disappear when I forgot about them!
Stefani:… rather die with you in their dead brain in their rotting corpses?
Murasaki: EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mikau: *pulling out a Majora's Mask manual and thumbing through it* Yeah! And you were in the entire thing! I got only ONE scene!!!! And of course it had to be when I died!!!!!!!!
Stefani: *sigh* Go complain to Nintendo and—
-Night of the First Day-
Stefani: I hate that. Now… NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We're all gonna DIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! *is in major panicking mode*
Link: Just relax, we still have… 62 hours left. Now we'd better get back to work. Mikau, do you wanna take the Ocean?
Mikau: No problem dude, I don't want tuh die, right? But I can stop by at Lulu's for a sec can't I?
Stefani: I guess… but you're time-pressed remember that! Oh, about fifteen minutes minimum with her. Thirty MAX. My sister will take care of your timing.
^A^29%Angel^A^: okay! *Hides behind tree and is VERY obvious* *Peek* *Shows half her face* *runs back to another tree* *and another* *until she reaches the ocean*
All: (Ô.Ô) *sweatdrop* Stefani: She's actually very punctual. Mikau: Dude! I get time with Lulu with that kid spyin' on me?!
Stefani: yup! *Thinking* I dunno… I don't wanna do someplace by myself…
Murasaki: I WANNA DO CLOCK TOOOOOWWWWWWNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
^A^20%Angel^A^: beware of the pancake and donut people!
Murasaki: *sweatdrop* okay! I WAAAAAANNA DOOOO CLOOOOOCK TOOOOOOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All minus Murasaki and little sister: FINE!!!!!!!!! PLEASE BE QUIET!!!!!!!
Murasaki: *innocently* Okay!
*A little boy runs up*
Little Boy: Hey Saki-chan!
Murasaki: *eyes wide* Lee! Ohmygod Lee! Long time no see!
*two of them hug* (KOWAII!!!!!!!!!!)
Link: *whispering over to Stefani* Aren't they a little young?
Stefani: *whispering back* Why ask me? Some of my friends started going out in fourth grade.
Link: *blink* Fourth… grade?
Stefani: Never mind. When they were around nine I think.
Mikau: Yeowch.
Lee: Hi guys! I just popped in from OoT since everything was so BORING over there. GanonDORK is gone and there's nothin' interesting there anymore.
Murasaki: Don't I know it.
Lee: and Murasaki, you could have TOLD me before you came here!
Murasaki: *innocently* Sorry Lee.
Stefani: *looking at watch* Okay… now. Murasaki and Lee can go around Clock Town… watch out for that pancake guard guy I advise you… Kafei, since you wanna get the Sun's Mask, I suggest for you to go tackle Ikana, like it or not you're gonna help us beat the temple THEN get the darn mask…
Unknown Female Voice: Kafei!
Kafei: *freezes in his tracks* That sounds like…
*Anju walks out of Clock Town… and all look down…*
All: A chibi Anju?!
Anju: *frowning and making a "Hmph" sound while crossing her arms* That meanie Skull Kid turned me into a little kid! I couldn't even open the door of the Inn! I had to ask one of the Rosa Sisters to help me!!!
Kafei: Well… at least we're the same height now. Let's go get that Sun's Mask!
Anju: *pulling out the… (AN: I think this is it.) Moon's Mask* I got mine!!!!
Stefani: *hands Murasaki and Lee two little flute things and two little drum things to Anju and Kafei* Here ya go! All of you can warp over to the Owl Statue in Clock Town. Murasaki… what exactly can you do in Clock Town?
Murasaki: Um… we can… make sure the Skull Kid stays on top of the Tower!
Stefani: Okay…
Mikau: WAIT! You know how to beat the Temples, we need all of us to be able to beat all of them.
Stefani: *nodding* I guess… okay. Kafei and Anju can get moving now though.
Chibi-Kafei and Chibi-Anju: 'Kay! *play Song of Soaring and disappear leaving lots of feathers floating all over them*
Murasaki: WACHOOOO!!!!!!!!! God! I hate being allergic to feathers!!!
*Lee and Murasaki walk back into Clock Town… holding up an umbrella held by Murasaki as they walk past ANOTHER spitting and wheezing guard*
Stefani: Which one first?
Link: Well… Woodfall we can do on our own, Mikau can tackle the Ocean for now… but we need a Goron for the other Temple don't we?
Stefani: *sighs* *Pulls out Goron Mask from behind Link* YOU be the Goron.
Link: *pouts* (AN: He'd look so adorable wouldn't he?!) Aw…but I hate being that fat geezer…
Stefani: Let's just get moving. NOW! I don't wanna die here!
*Link and Stefani disappear in a flash of feathers*
Mikau: *shrugs and pulls out Fishbone Guitar and disappears in a flash of light and a lot of feathers*
Big Pink Blob Thing That Makes Weird Squishing Noises As It Jumps: *squish* *squish* *squish* *sweatdrop* *squish* *squish* *squish*
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Well, this is the VERY long beginning to my Writer's Block fic. And if you can't find anything funny about this and find it severely retarded, tell me what to do! i_luv_heero_yuy@hotmail.com okay? Now, if you wanna know, yes I am keeping Link to myself. If any of you object… just don't tell me. I really don't care whether or not I'm acting totally screwed writing a fic where I'm with a video game character. Shuttup! Angel (my lil sis, that's her shortened pen name) put me with Mikau.
[1] = That IS what the Zoras say as a greeting right? I couldn't remember and I'm not about to go and dig the game outta my sister's closet since it's hers to play just yet.
[2] = Well, if you read any of my other fics, I have borrowed Akane (from Ramna ½)'s mallet and… well… I haven't given back yet… I probably will… maybe I will… doubtful I will… one in a million chance I will…………
[3] = Well, can't really say that she's was entirely responsible for that name… who do you think made it up for her? She would have called herself something truly retarded… no joke. It would have been MY name if I didn't want the hassle of telling every person I know that I changed it.