RACE WARS
PART 8
ENDGAME PART 2
[A missile flies in through air. After a few seconds, it hit another one and both explode.] Well it seems that the battle here at Block Fort is going out with a bang. {Bad pun for the narrator.} Already, it's down to TT and Fuchsia in this free-for-all match. To think that we wouldn't have seen anymore of these, but Donkey Kong is in control of the scoring system so anything is possible.
Jugem: Well people, it's been a whole hour and things are really heating up here. I'm so glad that I'm above the action, I mean, It's ugly down there!
[In the booths, both teams watched the battle.]
Diddy: How long is this going to go on?
Luigi: I don't know, Diddy. But if things go for Fuchsia just like they did in the trials, TT's springs and gears are going to get knocked.
The memory of Fuchsia's chicken run with Paratroopa in the trials is fresh in the minds of the MKR racers. Every last one of them are hoping to see that again.
TT: There you are Fuchsia, in plain sight. It's time to ram you and win this match.
[TT ran at full speed towards Fuchsia as she was oblivious to the danger she was in... or was she? She was just sitting in her kart in the heart of the arena. Knowing that she wasn't going to move, or at least that what it seemed like, TT hit his boost to ram Fuchsia.]
TT: I got you now, Fuchsia!
Fuchsia: Oh really? Come and get me then you silly little watch. You may have two balloons to my one, but I cleverly surrounded myself with Danger Bubbles. What you don't know will hurt you! (giggle)
[Seeing the expression on her face, TT hit the brakes, but it was too late. He ran into a bubble and was lifted off the ground. Fuchsia did a spin turn and left.]
Timber: I never would've imagined that.
Tip Tup: Yeah, that was genius.
[TT was then dropped to the ground and on touchdown, he went into reverse and went the other way. As he turned left, Fuchsia knocked TT just like she did to Paratroopa. In the booths...]
Team DKR: (O_O) HOLY SHIT!
Luigi: She did it again.
Jugem: Damn! Fuchsia rocked TT and took the flag with authority! Once again, the "Love Crusader" gives another lesson in Hard Knocks 101. MKR wins.
KT: Just like in practice! You okay Baby?
Baby Mario: My diaper isn't soaked like the last time, but I do need to be changed.
[Once again, Fuchsia sits in her kart with a smile of victory on her face. She then took off her hat and let her hair down.]
Fuchsia: I hope next time you do that properly TT, maybe you can send 'em flying just like I did to you... and to Para. I like this game of chicken.
RACE WARS TALLY DKR-7 MKR-8
Once the match was over, lunch was served. So many edibles to eat and plenty of time.
Timber: I have to give you credit Fuchsia, I would've fallen right into your trap just like TT did.
Fuchsia: Thanks for your praises Timber, they're always welcome.
TT: You just caught me off guard, that's all.
Fuchsia: TT, are you mad? Don't be, you didn't know that I did that with those bubbles. At least you have some idea on what to expect in the future.
Conker: Stop being a crybaby... Uh, no offense.
Baby Mario: None taken.
TT: So you think I'm having a tantrum huh? Do I look like I'm wearing diapers? No offense.
Baby Mario: None taken.
Bowser: No, but you sound like a kid again.
TT: Ah, shut up.
Mario: Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's just eat everyone.
Bowser & Fuchsia: TT started it.
TT: Hmf, tattletale.
DK: Okay everyone, calm down. There are only eight flags left to give out, as there are four courses on both sides left to race. Team captains, I want you to choose four racers from your side. They will determine the last four flags on each side.
Diddy: I already chose my four racers and they are TT, Drumstick, X and Myself.
DK: Well Mario, choose your four racers. But you can't choose the rivals of Diddy's racers, so keep that in mind.
Mario: ...Peach, Yoshi, Bowser.... (evil grin) and Luigi.
Taj: Well then, I guess this coin will do just fine. There are two sides to this coin, each side has the team's initials on it. All you have to do is flip it Donkey Kong and you can decide which side they go to. I will decide which course they will race from this chosen side, good luck to all of you.
DK: Now as you know Diddy, your side is down by one point. You have eight chances to regain the lead. Mario, your team has eight chances to win the match. The end is almost over so let's get down to the road.
Shadow: I see everything's coming right down to the wire.... just as I planned. I came back in the nick of time.
[Shadow walked toward the MKR judge as the eclipse darkened the sky. He walked towards his team and stood in front of Darion.]
Shadow: You my friend shall race me on Rainbow Road. Whenever that course comes up, that is where we have our rematch... since it's obvious that we won't be racing in Darkmoon Caverns again.
Darion: Hey, it's cool. I don't have a problem with that.
Shadow: Very good then, Darion.
Mario: Darion? I thought you were Racer X?
Yoshi: So did I.
Shadow: You thought right. He is Racer X, but now you know who his real entity is as of now. It's fun to have a racing name, isn't that right Toad?
Toad: Of course it is.
Fuchsia: Toad, where are you?
Toad: Out of sight and out of mind and body.
Darion: Wait a minute. Shadow is in Toad's body?
Toad: No, no, no, no, no. Shadow has his own body and you're looking at it. My body is resting in bed, but I've been listening every now and then by telepathy with Shadow. Relax, everything is fine where I am and my sister is okay. As for myself, I'm out of town right now, but will return shortly. So TT, can Fuchsia send ya' flying or what?
TT: Wild blue yonder, Toad. Ha, ha, ha.
Mario: Are you using astroprojection Toad?
Toad: No way. If I did that, I would be Lost forever. I've already been killed once, and yes... death is a bitch. I'll see you all later... and Fuchsia?
Fuchsia: Yes?
Toad: Put your mind at ease for the moment okay? Stop worrying about me!
Fuchsia: Okay, for you Toad.
Toad: Good. Knock em' dead Luigi.
[The eclipse finally passed and with it, all connection with Toad. {Is anyone else confused besides me? 'Cause I didn't get this part.}]
Shadow: So DK, where are we going now?
DK: Let's find out.
[DK flips the coin and it lands on the ground MKR side up.]
DK: Taj, choose the course, we aren't goin' anywhere.
Taj: (spins the MKR wheel) Give me a moment... (the wheel stops spinning) Everyone to Yoshi Valley! Karts and hovercrafts only.
*
In Yoshi Valley, the two sides were trying to determine who would race for them. Both sides knew that the wrong choice would bring downfall and loss of a flag to their side, but the DKR racers were already down one point.
DK: Well, seeing as these are the last four races of each side, I'm going to up the ante here. The side gets to choose who will race for them. Yoshi: We don't need to decide here. Bumper, step up to the plate.
Bumper: And why should I? I'm not one of the chosen four to decide our fate.
Yoshi: To quote The Rock, "It doesn't matter if you're one of the chosen four!" get your ass up here at the line.
Bumper: You better cough up a better reason than that Yoshi, if you want me to race you.
Yoshi: How's this you sissy? DK didn't let Mario chose the rivals to the chosen four on your side because they will be racing them. Though it's true that you're not, quote unquote "chosen," you are my rival. Now get in your kart, get up here at the line and get ready to lose.
Bumper: And what makes you so sure that you'll win this race? And I don't believe in that "homefield advantage" crap.
Yoshi: Hel-lo? You obviously haven't figured out my course, so listen up. Unlike all the other racetracks in the Mushroom Kingdom, this course does not have a "straight line" for you to follow. This course is full of twists and turns, many places where you can fall off and a dangerous shortcut. This is a real-life maze and you can get lost if you go the wrong way.
Bumper: I'll manage.
Yoshi: (-_-) Whatever. Listen, I'll even help you out. If you follow me for the first lap, I will tell show you how to-
Bumper: I said I will manage! What part of that don't you understand?
Yoshi: The part about you managing to get through this course.
Taj: Okay, break it up you two. We already had a couple of fights, let's not have another one.
Yoshi: I'm just trying to help him.
Bumper: I don't want OR NEED your help, got it? Is that clear?
Yoshi: Clear as tapwater, but you'll be sor-ry.
Bumper: (*\_/) Can we start the race already?!
Yoshi: Yup, he's mad. {Tch, ya' think?}
[Jugem showed up before them.]
Jugem: Well, you know how many laps this is going to be, so good luck Yoshi.
Bumper: Hey, what about me?
Jugem: I hope you get lost.
DK: Jugem?
Jugem: Hey, he shouldn't deny help. But hey, it's like Tiger of the Wind said. "You can lead a Golem to water, but then again, maybe you can't." {I didn't know he watched Monster Rancher.... Ironic.} Just blaze on the green light.
As the green light sounded off, both racers flew down the line into the first turn. On his way into the valley, Bumper went left as Yoshi went right.
Yoshi: I turn right, then I turn left, then turn right again, then one more left. If anyone finds a quicker way out of this valley, let me know and I'll take it.
Yoshi followed his own directions and made it to the u-turn, but hit the shortcut instead. Meanwhile, Bumper was going in circles.
Bumper: How the hell do I get out of here? Maybe I should've just followed Yoshi after all... Yoshi was about to cross the line and he waved at his friends. [When Yoshi got to the line, he came to a full stop, got out of his kart and drank some Happy Fruit Juice.]
DK & Mario: Yoshi, what are you doing? Yoshi: It's called "giving up a fair chance" you guys, besides, I'm on my break. {Now how cold is that?}
Diddy: Rub it in, Yoshi, just like the hare did in the fairy tale.
Yoshi: (sipping juice) Listen Diddy, slow and steady never wins the race, but if you insist... See ya'!
(Yoshi finished his drink and hopped back in his kart and continued the race) Poor bumper, the badger still hasn't found his way out of the a-maze- ing race track.
Bumper: I don't want to admit it, but I am ready to give up.
Yoshi: Hey bumper, do you want my help now?
Bumper: Go away!
Yoshi: Okay, I will. (drives off)
(Bumper watches Yoshi drive off and then gives a sigh and rolls his eyes)
Bumper: Hey, wait for me! [Yoshi led Bumper out of the maze and headed for the u-turn, but as he did in the first lap, he took the shortcut and made it again.]
Bumper: Hmm, I'll do that next lap, even thought it doesn't matter that I lost...
[Yoshi crossed his second lap as Bumper finally completed his first one. His friends cheered him on as he tailed Yoshi through the final lap.] (Yoshi looked around and saw that he had company)
Yoshi: I'm glad to see ya' and I mean it.
Bumper: Thanks.
Yoshi: You know, If you would've just listened to me, you wouldn't have got lost.
Bumper: I know that now.
Yoshi: Don't try the shortcut though, you're not ready for it.
Bumper didn't listen to Yoshi and as the dino took it and made it for a third time, bumper took it and fell off.
Yoshi: (shaking his head) I told you that you weren't ready for it. Stupid monkey, you just don't like to swallow your pride... I had to when it practiced that and fell off all those many times.
[Suddenly, Jugem tailed Yoshi.]
Jugem: Why did you do it? Yoshi: Help him? I was trying to be a sport, that's all. Hey, if you're talking to me, then-
Jugem: Bobby's got him.
Yoshi: Did you have to jinks him though?
Jugem: Jinks him? I didn't know you were one of the supers, Yoshi.
Yoshi: I'm not, but he sure is. Hahahahaha!
Yoshi eventually won the race and after five seconds from his finish, bumper crossed the line. After Bumper finished the race, DK gave Yoshi the flag.
Yoshi: Hey Bumper, guess what?
Bumper: I told you so?
Yoshi: No, guess again.
Bumper: You're the man when it comes to this track?
Yoshi: True, but that's not what I was going to say.
Bumper: Then what were you going to say?
Yoshi: Get used to chugging your pride in your stomach. If you would have done that and followed me for the first lap, maybe there could have been a good race here at my valley.
Diddy: Are you still rubbing it in?
Yoshi: No, but if you want me too-
Diddy: No, don't.
Yoshi: Just what I thought. Oh by the way Bumper, catch.
[Yoshi throws a can of Happy Fruit Juice at Bumper and he catches it.]
Bumper: What's this for?
Yoshi: For swallowing your pride. Cheers!
Bumper: (^_^) Oh well. Cheers.
[The two racers clanged cans and guzzled the juice.]
RACE WARS TALLY DKR-7 MKR-9
[Everyone is at the crossroads waiting for the next race to be determined. DK flipped the coin and it was DKR side up.]
Taj: So, where are we going next?
DK: Your side.
Taj: Good, I already picked where we are going during the race in Yoshi Valley. Everyone grab your planes and head to Everfrost Peak.
DKR
With their planes reved up and ready to go, the racers await who's going head to head in Everfrost Peak.
Taj: Diddy this is on our side, so you get to choose which one of your four to race.
PT: Hey, you guys actually showed up. I knew if I stayed here that you would show up eventually.
Mario & Yoshi: Paratroopa, what are you doing here?
PT: Practicing and waiting. Hey Fuchsia, what the hell do you think you're doing, trying to kill me at practice?
Fuchsia: No hard feelings, Para. Don't feel too bad about it, it's only practice.
PT: You almost killed me... Oh, I see that you're here.
Shadow: Of course I'm here you silly turtle. Why wouldn't I be here?
PT: You wouldn't be here if Toad couldn't cut things. I don't care what all the others think about you, but you're just a servant to me.
Shadow: I am no servant! But I wouldn't be talking, because you were once a servant before you were liberated. I was never, shall never, and am still not a servant.
Diddy: Let's do it, Drumstick.
Drumstick: Okay, here we go.
PT: Great, a race against someone.
KT: Hey, Drumstick's my rival, not yours.
PT: What's wrong cuz, you can't let your blood have one race against the cock?
Drumstick: Hey!
PT: Oh, you're not a cock? Then you must be a hen?
Drumstick: I am not a dick!
Baby Mario & Bowser: Ah... no.
DK: What was that all about?
Baby Mario: I had a wisecrack to say, but I chose not to.
Bowser: I have a comment, but I'm gonna' be a sport and do nothing.
Drumstick: Is there a reason why you're calling me a cock?
PT: Because that is what you are.
KT: Are we gonna race or not?
Drumstick: Yeah, but not against you. Let's do it, Paratroopa.
PT: It's time to fly.
[PT and Drumstick lined up at the line.]
Drumstick: I'm a rooster, not the common cock-of-the-rock.
PT: Cocks are roosters you silly fool, just admit it.
Drumstick: I'll see that you eat my fumes.
PT: Eat dees nuts.
Taj: Okay people, GO!
And off they went. Paratroopa and Drumstick were neck and neck for a good race today. [Across each turn, PT and Drumstick swapped the lead.]
PT: Come on you cock, shake those tail feathers.
Drumstick: Don't get cocky!
PT: I'm glad you like me.
Drumstick: Don't start, you.
[The two went over the first arc and into the cave neck and neck. Both teams watched in the booth and were amazed... at least a good majority of them.]
TT: This is a good race.
Diddy: I agree.
KT: I just hope he doesn't make me look bad.
As both racers exited the tunnel, they kept this race as cleanly matched as possible. As every turn came and went, so did pole for each racer. And at the end of the first lap, there was a tie.
Timber: This is a really good race. It's so good that I don't know who to route for.
Diddy: (\_/) What do you mean you don't know who to route for?! For your team, duh!
Mario: 'Ey, lighten up will ya'? Timber made a good point, this is a good race.
[PT managed to pick up the first weapon of the race, a Timed Boost. He was kind of confused on what it was since he wasn't around to figure out what the weapons looked like.]
PT: What the hell is this thing? Oh well, I won't find out unless I use it now won't I. Oh crap, If I let go now... I guess I will have to hold it for a while.
Paratroopa went a good ways into the race while holding onto his Timed Boost, but when the tunnel came up, he let it fly. Literally. He was boosting through the cave, around the turns, cross the line and it died on the first turn of his final lap. Everyone in the booths were quite amazed at this feat.
Timber: Could someone tell me what weapons that was?
DK: I really don't know which one, but maybe it was a Boost.
Shadow: Fools, it's obvious what that was. That was a Timed Boost.
KT: That is not a Timed Boost!
Shadow: Silly turtle. I know weapons and that was a Timed Boost. It may not be the way you used it, but that's the weapon.
Judges: Explain.
Shadow: When we normally use a Timed Boost, we boost over and over again. Your cousin found a way to use that boost so he could harness it's true power without having to use it more than once. That should cover the new way to use a Timed Boost, so let's get back to the race. {Well said.}
This new way of using the Timed Boost proved useful to Team MKR. Drumstick, though raced with his heart, just couldn't catch Paratroopa and lost the match. At the finish line, the winged turtle held the flag in his left hand with pride.
PT: Hey, Drumstick, it's back to the henhouse for you (laughing)!
Drumstick: You just got lucky with that weapon. What was that anyway, Taj?
Taj: That was the Timed Boost.
Drumstick: (O_O) You're kidding me, right?
Taj: Nope.
PT: Thanks for the race cuz, now I'll be leaving. Here's one for our side, courtesy of me... Paratroo-pa!
(PT throws the flag to Mario and flies out of Snowflake Mountain)
DK: It would be nice if your side took the lead for just once, Diddy.
Mario: C'mon DK, leave him alone. Don't pressure your nephew, 'sides, he's doing the best he can.
Bowser: Maybe we should spot you some points so you losers can finally try to win against us. But then again, you won't be able to, hahahahahahahaha!
Mario: Bowser, that's enough. It's bad enough we're winning for them, don't become a pain in someone's side.
Timber: Or someone's ass.
Bowser: I heard that tigers taste good.
Timber: Really? (holding crotch) Then why don't you have some sausage you sick son of a-
Judges: 'Ey, knock it off!
Bowser: Hold on, it's okay. I know just who's hungry.
[Bowser gave a toot of his fingers and from under the ground, came Chomper.]
Bowser: Say hello to my pet chomp. Hey Chomper, the tiger cub over there is your next meal.
Timber: Uh oh!
[Chomper charged at Timber, who ran away with post haste, as Bowser was laughing all the while.]
Bowser: Don't run away kid, he just wants some sausage. Haha, I'm bad!
Mario: I haven't seen him bring Chomper out since the Ultimate Smash Bros. Tournament.
Luigi: Boy, it sure got faster.
Baby Mario: That is one big chomp.
Shadow: I've seen bigger chomps than that. It's still a baby.
Mario Bros.: (!O_O) That's a baby!?
DK: Bowser, get that pet of yours under control, would ya'?
Bowser: Fine. (shrugged) Some people just can't take a joke...
(Bowser grabbed Chomper by the chain and swung him around. Then he let Chomper fly into the horizon) {That brought back memories.}
Timber: Thank you for that so much Donkey Kong, I needed a rescue.
Diddy: So where are we going next Taj?
Taj: Windmill Planes.
Pipsy: Great, another flying course. Can I drive there?
Diddy & Taj: NO!
RACE WARS TALLY DKR-7 MKR-10
*
[Windmill Planes, the course that shows true merit to pilots.]
Taj: Here we are in Windmill Planes everyone.
Mario: Hey, I have an announcement to make.
Taj: Go ahead, Mario.
Mario: Thank you. Listen up DKR racers this is very important to your survival. As you know, both sides have ten race courses and three battle courses and that there's a flag to-
Krunch: Stop your yapping' and get to the point!
Mario: Okay fine. We, the Mario Kart Racers have ten, count 'em, ten flags.
Timber: So, what's the point?
Mario: Split down the line, we should have twelve flags. But if we win any three of the six flags left, Race Wars belongs to us. So Diddy, if you want to fulfill your uncle's wishes, you better get with the program... pronto!
Diddy: If you're so sure that you can win, then get in your plane and let's go Mario.
Mario: Are you sure you want to do this?
Diddy: You lost the last time you went up against me Mario Mario. Are you afraid to lose again?
Mario: .... (!-_-) Not really... I just thought you would race me on the next course.
Diddy: I'm making him sweat guys. And you call yourself a leader? If you can't race me now, then why don't you just forfeit?
Mario: I will never do that to anyone I'm going up against! Let's go.
[So Mario lined up right next to Diddy.]
Mario: Just remember that you beat me in a battle, Diddy. Now let's see how well you race.
Diddy: You're just talk. I'm going to win AGAIN.
Mario: I am going to take so much pleasure in proving you wrong, Diddy. You just can't imagine. What I lacked in battle, I will do more than make up for in racing. Just you watch and see.
Taj: Okay captains, this race and the rest are important for your victory here in Race Wars. Good luck to all of you, and to the both of you.
Mario: (seeing flags) It's time to take this race home.
Diddy: (seeing flags) Not without a fight, Mario. Not without a fight...
Taj: Good now let's do it. GO!
[Both racers blast off in a blaze of glory. Mario decided to hit the zipper under the second windmill and nabbed a Homer while Diddy nabbed a Bouncy. Once into the tunnel, Diddy shot it behind him as Mario shot fired his Homer and both collided. {This looked familiar.} Out of the tunnel, both racers hit the zipper under the windmill one by one with Diddy in front.
Diddy: Hey, Mario, you're losing!
Mario: First lap, Diddy. First lap.
[Across the next turn, both racers were neck and neck.]
Diddy: Are you going to admit defeat Mario?
Mario: I never concede!
Diddy: Fine, then I will take it out of you.
On the closing tunnel, Mario and Diddy were neck and neck. Things stayed that way as the leaders passed the line, ending the first lap. [In the booths...]
TT: Another close match.
KT: Let's hope that a boost isn't the only thing that determines this flag like the last one.
Across the first turn, both racers blazed off since the had the proper boosts to do it with.
Mario: You are going to lose this wars and finally find out what it's like to really race.
Diddy: Look who's been sent to school.
[Scene change to booths.]
Peach: You know what? Those two really want each others plates on a silver platter.
Pipsy: It's a sad shame, you know.
Peach: At least their doing this without fighting physically.
Fuchsia: Kind of like how you two did?
Peach & Pipsy: Don't rub it in, Fuchsia.
Fuchsia: You girls fought, not me. Okay, let's talk about something different. Hey Pipsy, you look a little pudgy. Are you pregnant?
Darion: (\_/) You better not be!
Pipsy: That's just baby fat. No offense.
Baby Mario: None taken.
Pipsy: Are you pregnant?
Fuchsia: Of course not. Someone in the kingdom is, but we aren't sure.
Peach: It's not me, my results came in the other day and they were negative.
Pipsy: And you believe them?
Peach: Hey I don't know about you, but my gynecologist is the best money can buy.
Shadow: Wait a minute, ladies. This is a racetrack, not a hospital. Stop talking about that crap!
Fuchsia: Shadow, have you ever did it before?
Shadow: That's irrelevant right now. Let's get back to the race.
Timber: Hey, don't get mad because we found out that you were a virgin.
Shadow: Kong, do something.
DK: Well, have you had some in your life?
Shadow: Luigi, where are they at in the race?
Luigi: I was wondering that myself, Shadow. Have you had some?
{I better leave this scene unfinished for Shadow's sake.}
After all of that talking, the racers are on the second turn of their final lap. Both racers are neck and neck now as they were during chit chat of Shadow's sexuality. [Diddy and Mario kept the race going for a good while neck and neck through every turn, but they soon switched turns and places. [As they came down the final stretch, the match was tied.]
KT: Here they come.
(The two went down the line and finished at the same time)
Taj: Another draw.
DK: You said it.
On the track, Diddy and Mario were in their planes.
Mario: Equals baby, equals.
Diddy: Yeah, yeah, equals.
(Both shake hands)
Mario: One more race over Diddy. Diddy: You said it. But just remember, a tie means a flag.
Mario: True, but you're still down, by three.
Diddy: Yeah, I know.
Mario: One down, two more to go.
Diddy: Enjoy while you can.
RACE WARS TALLY DKR-8
MKR-11
The end is coming.....
PART 8
ENDGAME PART 2
[A missile flies in through air. After a few seconds, it hit another one and both explode.] Well it seems that the battle here at Block Fort is going out with a bang. {Bad pun for the narrator.} Already, it's down to TT and Fuchsia in this free-for-all match. To think that we wouldn't have seen anymore of these, but Donkey Kong is in control of the scoring system so anything is possible.
Jugem: Well people, it's been a whole hour and things are really heating up here. I'm so glad that I'm above the action, I mean, It's ugly down there!
[In the booths, both teams watched the battle.]
Diddy: How long is this going to go on?
Luigi: I don't know, Diddy. But if things go for Fuchsia just like they did in the trials, TT's springs and gears are going to get knocked.
The memory of Fuchsia's chicken run with Paratroopa in the trials is fresh in the minds of the MKR racers. Every last one of them are hoping to see that again.
TT: There you are Fuchsia, in plain sight. It's time to ram you and win this match.
[TT ran at full speed towards Fuchsia as she was oblivious to the danger she was in... or was she? She was just sitting in her kart in the heart of the arena. Knowing that she wasn't going to move, or at least that what it seemed like, TT hit his boost to ram Fuchsia.]
TT: I got you now, Fuchsia!
Fuchsia: Oh really? Come and get me then you silly little watch. You may have two balloons to my one, but I cleverly surrounded myself with Danger Bubbles. What you don't know will hurt you! (giggle)
[Seeing the expression on her face, TT hit the brakes, but it was too late. He ran into a bubble and was lifted off the ground. Fuchsia did a spin turn and left.]
Timber: I never would've imagined that.
Tip Tup: Yeah, that was genius.
[TT was then dropped to the ground and on touchdown, he went into reverse and went the other way. As he turned left, Fuchsia knocked TT just like she did to Paratroopa. In the booths...]
Team DKR: (O_O) HOLY SHIT!
Luigi: She did it again.
Jugem: Damn! Fuchsia rocked TT and took the flag with authority! Once again, the "Love Crusader" gives another lesson in Hard Knocks 101. MKR wins.
KT: Just like in practice! You okay Baby?
Baby Mario: My diaper isn't soaked like the last time, but I do need to be changed.
[Once again, Fuchsia sits in her kart with a smile of victory on her face. She then took off her hat and let her hair down.]
Fuchsia: I hope next time you do that properly TT, maybe you can send 'em flying just like I did to you... and to Para. I like this game of chicken.
RACE WARS TALLY DKR-7 MKR-8
Once the match was over, lunch was served. So many edibles to eat and plenty of time.
Timber: I have to give you credit Fuchsia, I would've fallen right into your trap just like TT did.
Fuchsia: Thanks for your praises Timber, they're always welcome.
TT: You just caught me off guard, that's all.
Fuchsia: TT, are you mad? Don't be, you didn't know that I did that with those bubbles. At least you have some idea on what to expect in the future.
Conker: Stop being a crybaby... Uh, no offense.
Baby Mario: None taken.
TT: So you think I'm having a tantrum huh? Do I look like I'm wearing diapers? No offense.
Baby Mario: None taken.
Bowser: No, but you sound like a kid again.
TT: Ah, shut up.
Mario: Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's just eat everyone.
Bowser & Fuchsia: TT started it.
TT: Hmf, tattletale.
DK: Okay everyone, calm down. There are only eight flags left to give out, as there are four courses on both sides left to race. Team captains, I want you to choose four racers from your side. They will determine the last four flags on each side.
Diddy: I already chose my four racers and they are TT, Drumstick, X and Myself.
DK: Well Mario, choose your four racers. But you can't choose the rivals of Diddy's racers, so keep that in mind.
Mario: ...Peach, Yoshi, Bowser.... (evil grin) and Luigi.
Taj: Well then, I guess this coin will do just fine. There are two sides to this coin, each side has the team's initials on it. All you have to do is flip it Donkey Kong and you can decide which side they go to. I will decide which course they will race from this chosen side, good luck to all of you.
DK: Now as you know Diddy, your side is down by one point. You have eight chances to regain the lead. Mario, your team has eight chances to win the match. The end is almost over so let's get down to the road.
Shadow: I see everything's coming right down to the wire.... just as I planned. I came back in the nick of time.
[Shadow walked toward the MKR judge as the eclipse darkened the sky. He walked towards his team and stood in front of Darion.]
Shadow: You my friend shall race me on Rainbow Road. Whenever that course comes up, that is where we have our rematch... since it's obvious that we won't be racing in Darkmoon Caverns again.
Darion: Hey, it's cool. I don't have a problem with that.
Shadow: Very good then, Darion.
Mario: Darion? I thought you were Racer X?
Yoshi: So did I.
Shadow: You thought right. He is Racer X, but now you know who his real entity is as of now. It's fun to have a racing name, isn't that right Toad?
Toad: Of course it is.
Fuchsia: Toad, where are you?
Toad: Out of sight and out of mind and body.
Darion: Wait a minute. Shadow is in Toad's body?
Toad: No, no, no, no, no. Shadow has his own body and you're looking at it. My body is resting in bed, but I've been listening every now and then by telepathy with Shadow. Relax, everything is fine where I am and my sister is okay. As for myself, I'm out of town right now, but will return shortly. So TT, can Fuchsia send ya' flying or what?
TT: Wild blue yonder, Toad. Ha, ha, ha.
Mario: Are you using astroprojection Toad?
Toad: No way. If I did that, I would be Lost forever. I've already been killed once, and yes... death is a bitch. I'll see you all later... and Fuchsia?
Fuchsia: Yes?
Toad: Put your mind at ease for the moment okay? Stop worrying about me!
Fuchsia: Okay, for you Toad.
Toad: Good. Knock em' dead Luigi.
[The eclipse finally passed and with it, all connection with Toad. {Is anyone else confused besides me? 'Cause I didn't get this part.}]
Shadow: So DK, where are we going now?
DK: Let's find out.
[DK flips the coin and it lands on the ground MKR side up.]
DK: Taj, choose the course, we aren't goin' anywhere.
Taj: (spins the MKR wheel) Give me a moment... (the wheel stops spinning) Everyone to Yoshi Valley! Karts and hovercrafts only.
*
In Yoshi Valley, the two sides were trying to determine who would race for them. Both sides knew that the wrong choice would bring downfall and loss of a flag to their side, but the DKR racers were already down one point.
DK: Well, seeing as these are the last four races of each side, I'm going to up the ante here. The side gets to choose who will race for them. Yoshi: We don't need to decide here. Bumper, step up to the plate.
Bumper: And why should I? I'm not one of the chosen four to decide our fate.
Yoshi: To quote The Rock, "It doesn't matter if you're one of the chosen four!" get your ass up here at the line.
Bumper: You better cough up a better reason than that Yoshi, if you want me to race you.
Yoshi: How's this you sissy? DK didn't let Mario chose the rivals to the chosen four on your side because they will be racing them. Though it's true that you're not, quote unquote "chosen," you are my rival. Now get in your kart, get up here at the line and get ready to lose.
Bumper: And what makes you so sure that you'll win this race? And I don't believe in that "homefield advantage" crap.
Yoshi: Hel-lo? You obviously haven't figured out my course, so listen up. Unlike all the other racetracks in the Mushroom Kingdom, this course does not have a "straight line" for you to follow. This course is full of twists and turns, many places where you can fall off and a dangerous shortcut. This is a real-life maze and you can get lost if you go the wrong way.
Bumper: I'll manage.
Yoshi: (-_-) Whatever. Listen, I'll even help you out. If you follow me for the first lap, I will tell show you how to-
Bumper: I said I will manage! What part of that don't you understand?
Yoshi: The part about you managing to get through this course.
Taj: Okay, break it up you two. We already had a couple of fights, let's not have another one.
Yoshi: I'm just trying to help him.
Bumper: I don't want OR NEED your help, got it? Is that clear?
Yoshi: Clear as tapwater, but you'll be sor-ry.
Bumper: (*\_/) Can we start the race already?!
Yoshi: Yup, he's mad. {Tch, ya' think?}
[Jugem showed up before them.]
Jugem: Well, you know how many laps this is going to be, so good luck Yoshi.
Bumper: Hey, what about me?
Jugem: I hope you get lost.
DK: Jugem?
Jugem: Hey, he shouldn't deny help. But hey, it's like Tiger of the Wind said. "You can lead a Golem to water, but then again, maybe you can't." {I didn't know he watched Monster Rancher.... Ironic.} Just blaze on the green light.
As the green light sounded off, both racers flew down the line into the first turn. On his way into the valley, Bumper went left as Yoshi went right.
Yoshi: I turn right, then I turn left, then turn right again, then one more left. If anyone finds a quicker way out of this valley, let me know and I'll take it.
Yoshi followed his own directions and made it to the u-turn, but hit the shortcut instead. Meanwhile, Bumper was going in circles.
Bumper: How the hell do I get out of here? Maybe I should've just followed Yoshi after all... Yoshi was about to cross the line and he waved at his friends. [When Yoshi got to the line, he came to a full stop, got out of his kart and drank some Happy Fruit Juice.]
DK & Mario: Yoshi, what are you doing? Yoshi: It's called "giving up a fair chance" you guys, besides, I'm on my break. {Now how cold is that?}
Diddy: Rub it in, Yoshi, just like the hare did in the fairy tale.
Yoshi: (sipping juice) Listen Diddy, slow and steady never wins the race, but if you insist... See ya'!
(Yoshi finished his drink and hopped back in his kart and continued the race) Poor bumper, the badger still hasn't found his way out of the a-maze- ing race track.
Bumper: I don't want to admit it, but I am ready to give up.
Yoshi: Hey bumper, do you want my help now?
Bumper: Go away!
Yoshi: Okay, I will. (drives off)
(Bumper watches Yoshi drive off and then gives a sigh and rolls his eyes)
Bumper: Hey, wait for me! [Yoshi led Bumper out of the maze and headed for the u-turn, but as he did in the first lap, he took the shortcut and made it again.]
Bumper: Hmm, I'll do that next lap, even thought it doesn't matter that I lost...
[Yoshi crossed his second lap as Bumper finally completed his first one. His friends cheered him on as he tailed Yoshi through the final lap.] (Yoshi looked around and saw that he had company)
Yoshi: I'm glad to see ya' and I mean it.
Bumper: Thanks.
Yoshi: You know, If you would've just listened to me, you wouldn't have got lost.
Bumper: I know that now.
Yoshi: Don't try the shortcut though, you're not ready for it.
Bumper didn't listen to Yoshi and as the dino took it and made it for a third time, bumper took it and fell off.
Yoshi: (shaking his head) I told you that you weren't ready for it. Stupid monkey, you just don't like to swallow your pride... I had to when it practiced that and fell off all those many times.
[Suddenly, Jugem tailed Yoshi.]
Jugem: Why did you do it? Yoshi: Help him? I was trying to be a sport, that's all. Hey, if you're talking to me, then-
Jugem: Bobby's got him.
Yoshi: Did you have to jinks him though?
Jugem: Jinks him? I didn't know you were one of the supers, Yoshi.
Yoshi: I'm not, but he sure is. Hahahahaha!
Yoshi eventually won the race and after five seconds from his finish, bumper crossed the line. After Bumper finished the race, DK gave Yoshi the flag.
Yoshi: Hey Bumper, guess what?
Bumper: I told you so?
Yoshi: No, guess again.
Bumper: You're the man when it comes to this track?
Yoshi: True, but that's not what I was going to say.
Bumper: Then what were you going to say?
Yoshi: Get used to chugging your pride in your stomach. If you would have done that and followed me for the first lap, maybe there could have been a good race here at my valley.
Diddy: Are you still rubbing it in?
Yoshi: No, but if you want me too-
Diddy: No, don't.
Yoshi: Just what I thought. Oh by the way Bumper, catch.
[Yoshi throws a can of Happy Fruit Juice at Bumper and he catches it.]
Bumper: What's this for?
Yoshi: For swallowing your pride. Cheers!
Bumper: (^_^) Oh well. Cheers.
[The two racers clanged cans and guzzled the juice.]
RACE WARS TALLY DKR-7 MKR-9
[Everyone is at the crossroads waiting for the next race to be determined. DK flipped the coin and it was DKR side up.]
Taj: So, where are we going next?
DK: Your side.
Taj: Good, I already picked where we are going during the race in Yoshi Valley. Everyone grab your planes and head to Everfrost Peak.
DKR
With their planes reved up and ready to go, the racers await who's going head to head in Everfrost Peak.
Taj: Diddy this is on our side, so you get to choose which one of your four to race.
PT: Hey, you guys actually showed up. I knew if I stayed here that you would show up eventually.
Mario & Yoshi: Paratroopa, what are you doing here?
PT: Practicing and waiting. Hey Fuchsia, what the hell do you think you're doing, trying to kill me at practice?
Fuchsia: No hard feelings, Para. Don't feel too bad about it, it's only practice.
PT: You almost killed me... Oh, I see that you're here.
Shadow: Of course I'm here you silly turtle. Why wouldn't I be here?
PT: You wouldn't be here if Toad couldn't cut things. I don't care what all the others think about you, but you're just a servant to me.
Shadow: I am no servant! But I wouldn't be talking, because you were once a servant before you were liberated. I was never, shall never, and am still not a servant.
Diddy: Let's do it, Drumstick.
Drumstick: Okay, here we go.
PT: Great, a race against someone.
KT: Hey, Drumstick's my rival, not yours.
PT: What's wrong cuz, you can't let your blood have one race against the cock?
Drumstick: Hey!
PT: Oh, you're not a cock? Then you must be a hen?
Drumstick: I am not a dick!
Baby Mario & Bowser: Ah... no.
DK: What was that all about?
Baby Mario: I had a wisecrack to say, but I chose not to.
Bowser: I have a comment, but I'm gonna' be a sport and do nothing.
Drumstick: Is there a reason why you're calling me a cock?
PT: Because that is what you are.
KT: Are we gonna race or not?
Drumstick: Yeah, but not against you. Let's do it, Paratroopa.
PT: It's time to fly.
[PT and Drumstick lined up at the line.]
Drumstick: I'm a rooster, not the common cock-of-the-rock.
PT: Cocks are roosters you silly fool, just admit it.
Drumstick: I'll see that you eat my fumes.
PT: Eat dees nuts.
Taj: Okay people, GO!
And off they went. Paratroopa and Drumstick were neck and neck for a good race today. [Across each turn, PT and Drumstick swapped the lead.]
PT: Come on you cock, shake those tail feathers.
Drumstick: Don't get cocky!
PT: I'm glad you like me.
Drumstick: Don't start, you.
[The two went over the first arc and into the cave neck and neck. Both teams watched in the booth and were amazed... at least a good majority of them.]
TT: This is a good race.
Diddy: I agree.
KT: I just hope he doesn't make me look bad.
As both racers exited the tunnel, they kept this race as cleanly matched as possible. As every turn came and went, so did pole for each racer. And at the end of the first lap, there was a tie.
Timber: This is a really good race. It's so good that I don't know who to route for.
Diddy: (\_/) What do you mean you don't know who to route for?! For your team, duh!
Mario: 'Ey, lighten up will ya'? Timber made a good point, this is a good race.
[PT managed to pick up the first weapon of the race, a Timed Boost. He was kind of confused on what it was since he wasn't around to figure out what the weapons looked like.]
PT: What the hell is this thing? Oh well, I won't find out unless I use it now won't I. Oh crap, If I let go now... I guess I will have to hold it for a while.
Paratroopa went a good ways into the race while holding onto his Timed Boost, but when the tunnel came up, he let it fly. Literally. He was boosting through the cave, around the turns, cross the line and it died on the first turn of his final lap. Everyone in the booths were quite amazed at this feat.
Timber: Could someone tell me what weapons that was?
DK: I really don't know which one, but maybe it was a Boost.
Shadow: Fools, it's obvious what that was. That was a Timed Boost.
KT: That is not a Timed Boost!
Shadow: Silly turtle. I know weapons and that was a Timed Boost. It may not be the way you used it, but that's the weapon.
Judges: Explain.
Shadow: When we normally use a Timed Boost, we boost over and over again. Your cousin found a way to use that boost so he could harness it's true power without having to use it more than once. That should cover the new way to use a Timed Boost, so let's get back to the race. {Well said.}
This new way of using the Timed Boost proved useful to Team MKR. Drumstick, though raced with his heart, just couldn't catch Paratroopa and lost the match. At the finish line, the winged turtle held the flag in his left hand with pride.
PT: Hey, Drumstick, it's back to the henhouse for you (laughing)!
Drumstick: You just got lucky with that weapon. What was that anyway, Taj?
Taj: That was the Timed Boost.
Drumstick: (O_O) You're kidding me, right?
Taj: Nope.
PT: Thanks for the race cuz, now I'll be leaving. Here's one for our side, courtesy of me... Paratroo-pa!
(PT throws the flag to Mario and flies out of Snowflake Mountain)
DK: It would be nice if your side took the lead for just once, Diddy.
Mario: C'mon DK, leave him alone. Don't pressure your nephew, 'sides, he's doing the best he can.
Bowser: Maybe we should spot you some points so you losers can finally try to win against us. But then again, you won't be able to, hahahahahahahaha!
Mario: Bowser, that's enough. It's bad enough we're winning for them, don't become a pain in someone's side.
Timber: Or someone's ass.
Bowser: I heard that tigers taste good.
Timber: Really? (holding crotch) Then why don't you have some sausage you sick son of a-
Judges: 'Ey, knock it off!
Bowser: Hold on, it's okay. I know just who's hungry.
[Bowser gave a toot of his fingers and from under the ground, came Chomper.]
Bowser: Say hello to my pet chomp. Hey Chomper, the tiger cub over there is your next meal.
Timber: Uh oh!
[Chomper charged at Timber, who ran away with post haste, as Bowser was laughing all the while.]
Bowser: Don't run away kid, he just wants some sausage. Haha, I'm bad!
Mario: I haven't seen him bring Chomper out since the Ultimate Smash Bros. Tournament.
Luigi: Boy, it sure got faster.
Baby Mario: That is one big chomp.
Shadow: I've seen bigger chomps than that. It's still a baby.
Mario Bros.: (!O_O) That's a baby!?
DK: Bowser, get that pet of yours under control, would ya'?
Bowser: Fine. (shrugged) Some people just can't take a joke...
(Bowser grabbed Chomper by the chain and swung him around. Then he let Chomper fly into the horizon) {That brought back memories.}
Timber: Thank you for that so much Donkey Kong, I needed a rescue.
Diddy: So where are we going next Taj?
Taj: Windmill Planes.
Pipsy: Great, another flying course. Can I drive there?
Diddy & Taj: NO!
RACE WARS TALLY DKR-7 MKR-10
*
[Windmill Planes, the course that shows true merit to pilots.]
Taj: Here we are in Windmill Planes everyone.
Mario: Hey, I have an announcement to make.
Taj: Go ahead, Mario.
Mario: Thank you. Listen up DKR racers this is very important to your survival. As you know, both sides have ten race courses and three battle courses and that there's a flag to-
Krunch: Stop your yapping' and get to the point!
Mario: Okay fine. We, the Mario Kart Racers have ten, count 'em, ten flags.
Timber: So, what's the point?
Mario: Split down the line, we should have twelve flags. But if we win any three of the six flags left, Race Wars belongs to us. So Diddy, if you want to fulfill your uncle's wishes, you better get with the program... pronto!
Diddy: If you're so sure that you can win, then get in your plane and let's go Mario.
Mario: Are you sure you want to do this?
Diddy: You lost the last time you went up against me Mario Mario. Are you afraid to lose again?
Mario: .... (!-_-) Not really... I just thought you would race me on the next course.
Diddy: I'm making him sweat guys. And you call yourself a leader? If you can't race me now, then why don't you just forfeit?
Mario: I will never do that to anyone I'm going up against! Let's go.
[So Mario lined up right next to Diddy.]
Mario: Just remember that you beat me in a battle, Diddy. Now let's see how well you race.
Diddy: You're just talk. I'm going to win AGAIN.
Mario: I am going to take so much pleasure in proving you wrong, Diddy. You just can't imagine. What I lacked in battle, I will do more than make up for in racing. Just you watch and see.
Taj: Okay captains, this race and the rest are important for your victory here in Race Wars. Good luck to all of you, and to the both of you.
Mario: (seeing flags) It's time to take this race home.
Diddy: (seeing flags) Not without a fight, Mario. Not without a fight...
Taj: Good now let's do it. GO!
[Both racers blast off in a blaze of glory. Mario decided to hit the zipper under the second windmill and nabbed a Homer while Diddy nabbed a Bouncy. Once into the tunnel, Diddy shot it behind him as Mario shot fired his Homer and both collided. {This looked familiar.} Out of the tunnel, both racers hit the zipper under the windmill one by one with Diddy in front.
Diddy: Hey, Mario, you're losing!
Mario: First lap, Diddy. First lap.
[Across the next turn, both racers were neck and neck.]
Diddy: Are you going to admit defeat Mario?
Mario: I never concede!
Diddy: Fine, then I will take it out of you.
On the closing tunnel, Mario and Diddy were neck and neck. Things stayed that way as the leaders passed the line, ending the first lap. [In the booths...]
TT: Another close match.
KT: Let's hope that a boost isn't the only thing that determines this flag like the last one.
Across the first turn, both racers blazed off since the had the proper boosts to do it with.
Mario: You are going to lose this wars and finally find out what it's like to really race.
Diddy: Look who's been sent to school.
[Scene change to booths.]
Peach: You know what? Those two really want each others plates on a silver platter.
Pipsy: It's a sad shame, you know.
Peach: At least their doing this without fighting physically.
Fuchsia: Kind of like how you two did?
Peach & Pipsy: Don't rub it in, Fuchsia.
Fuchsia: You girls fought, not me. Okay, let's talk about something different. Hey Pipsy, you look a little pudgy. Are you pregnant?
Darion: (\_/) You better not be!
Pipsy: That's just baby fat. No offense.
Baby Mario: None taken.
Pipsy: Are you pregnant?
Fuchsia: Of course not. Someone in the kingdom is, but we aren't sure.
Peach: It's not me, my results came in the other day and they were negative.
Pipsy: And you believe them?
Peach: Hey I don't know about you, but my gynecologist is the best money can buy.
Shadow: Wait a minute, ladies. This is a racetrack, not a hospital. Stop talking about that crap!
Fuchsia: Shadow, have you ever did it before?
Shadow: That's irrelevant right now. Let's get back to the race.
Timber: Hey, don't get mad because we found out that you were a virgin.
Shadow: Kong, do something.
DK: Well, have you had some in your life?
Shadow: Luigi, where are they at in the race?
Luigi: I was wondering that myself, Shadow. Have you had some?
{I better leave this scene unfinished for Shadow's sake.}
After all of that talking, the racers are on the second turn of their final lap. Both racers are neck and neck now as they were during chit chat of Shadow's sexuality. [Diddy and Mario kept the race going for a good while neck and neck through every turn, but they soon switched turns and places. [As they came down the final stretch, the match was tied.]
KT: Here they come.
(The two went down the line and finished at the same time)
Taj: Another draw.
DK: You said it.
On the track, Diddy and Mario were in their planes.
Mario: Equals baby, equals.
Diddy: Yeah, yeah, equals.
(Both shake hands)
Mario: One more race over Diddy. Diddy: You said it. But just remember, a tie means a flag.
Mario: True, but you're still down, by three.
Diddy: Yeah, I know.
Mario: One down, two more to go.
Diddy: Enjoy while you can.
RACE WARS TALLY DKR-8
MKR-11
The end is coming.....