Something for the readers: So no one said I didn't say it for this chapter,
reading disgression is advised.
RACE WARS
PART 9
ENDGAME: SHADOW RUN
[One a.m. at night. Darion stares at the ceiling as Pipsy sleeps in their bed.]
Darion: Hmmm, something is up with that Shadow character. Who is he really, and why is he here? I still think that Shadow is to Toad as Racer X is to myself. I will find out who he really is... when, is the question? (Pipsy turns to her boyfriend) At least someone can sleep, I'm not tired at all. Maybe a walk will help.
(Darion got out of bed, and once he did, Pipsy woke up)
Pipsy: Darion, where are you going?
Darion: For a walk, I can't sleep.
Pipsy: Cover up, it's cold out.
Darion: Okay Mom, whatever you say.
After finding his coat, Darion went outside. But little did he know that someone was watching him.
Darion: Man, the wind feels as if frozen.
Toad: Ah that freezing feeling, it makes a guy feel all squishy in the toes.
Darion: What the...
[Darion turns around to see Toad standing on a table.]
Toad: Surprised to see me?
Darion: In an open vest? Yes.
Toad: I've had many colder days than this one... and I wore less than this.
Darion: So why are you here?
Toad: Just clearing my head, that's all. Don't worry, I'm not alone like you thought I was.
Darion: Who else is here?
Shadow: ME!
[Shadow appears next to Darion as if he teleported and stood to the mouse's right.]
Darion: Whoa!
Shadow: Did I startle you?
Darion: Ah, yeah.
Toad: So, do you still think that Shadow and I are the same person?
Darion: How did you...
Toad: Many people think that I'm Shadow, you're not the first...
Shadow: And certainly aren't the last.
Darion: Hmf.
Toad: Seeing is believing to you, right?
Darion: I guess... But how do I know that this isn't a hologram?
Toad: Come here. (Darion walks forward face to face with Toad) No hard feelings but... (slap)
Darion: Ow!
Toad: Projections don't hurt.
Shadow: Is it my turn now, or do you take his word for it?
[Darion walks up to Shadow who takes a swing at him. Darion blocked it, but got tripped by Shadow.]
Shadow: Now that you know, we are two people and we do exist. Now go back to bed, you crazy insomniac.
(Darion walks back to his dorm a little confused, but satisfied as Toad and Shadow watch him go)
Toad: So that is what you have to deal with, huh?
Shadow: Yes.
Toad: Back to business. Mario wants to end this quickly I see?
Shadow: Yes, he's fed up with giving the DKR racers a chance. He wants to win two of the next five and end this match.
Toad: And your mission?
Shadow: Everything's in place. Now that I know what I'm up against, it will be no problem taking the flag from him this time.
Toad: Where will you be racing?
Shadow: If everything goes as planned, Rainbow Road. Either way, I win the next flag we duel for.
Toad: I want to tell you something about Rainbow Road. It's a shortcut that I found out a while back. You know how the track begins with that long hill?
Shadow: Go on?
Toad: You make a hard left turn as you jump off the side. It's very risky, but if you make it, you'll be at the base of the spiral turn where the star is. It's a good twenty seconds off your lap time.
Shadow: So you've made the jump?
Toad: I always overshoot it and end up falling. You have a better chance of making it that I do.
Shadow: I will investigate this myself and give you results later.
Toad: Like always, it does interest you. Well I have to go fetch a surprise for my girlfriend. When you're done, notify me at once.
Shadow: Gotcha' Toad.
[Toad teleported away and Shadow went to the other side in Toad's kart. {Cool, Toad can teleported.} With a clear mind, he drives off.]
Shadow: Sometimes the greatest trick in the world is convincing the world that you don't exist, but then again... Where's the fun in that?
MKR
As Darion wonders about finding the true reason to Shadow, Mario's thoughts are for ending the wars. He even sits on the couch of Daisy's castle to think of what to do next.
Mario: Two more flags... That's all we need. Two more flags... Once we get them, Diddy and his friends will truly know who is the real master of racing. This is almost over, I can just taste it. Now all I need is to get it over with, but who will get it done? Luigi, Peach, or Bowser? Maybe Shadow might get it done... but can it actually happen? Will Darion actually beat Shadow again, on our turf? Listen to my thoughts here. Shadow is the only person so far that can actually catch Darion, he can win.
[Toad's house. Fuchsia stands in front of the window looking at the stars with a worried look on her face.]
Fuchsia: Toad, please come home. I can't go on like this, maybe I'm going through one of my "spells" again. Oooh, my bed is too cold when I'm alone. Toad I miss you... Shadow, where are you?
Shadow: (teleporting in) What?
(Fuchsia walks over and places her arms around Shadow) {What are you doing!?}
Shadow: Did I miss something here?
Fuchsia: No, but I'm missing someone now. Could you deliver a message to Toad for me? Please.... just this once for me?
Shadow: What? As long as it's not funny for me to deliver, I'll do it.
Fuchsia: Thank you.
The next day, everyone of the MKR racers met up at Peach's castle.
Mario: This contest is over. I want everyone to win, there are no exceptions.
Yoshi: Major ego trip.
Peach: Mario, you've lost it last night didn't you?
Mario: I'm super psyched. Now, I want each of you to get in gear and show no mercy!
Luigi: (!U_U) He's lost his mind.
Peach: (!-_-) You said it.
Baby Mario: (arms crossed) Maybe he didn't get any from Daisy last night?
Yoshi: And you had some?
Baby Mario: Do I look like I can pop a coochie yet? {Nooo. No he didn't.}
Mario: No, but you've tried with Daisy's niece.
Baby Mario: (!^_^) Heh, heh, you know I've a decade or more before I can get some.
Yoshi: Just like your role model, you'll come early. Look, I did my share for the team and I won on my home turf. Get a grip Mario, my job here is done. Now if anyone wants me, I'm headed for Yoster's Isle. (leaving) See ya'!
Mario: Hey?
Peach: Let him go, Mario.
DK: Hey everyone, you might want to get over to Boulder Canyon and pronto. Make sure you take your hovercrafts and get down there for the next flag event.
Mario: Okay, let's get a move on.
(Everyone leaves except for Fuchsia, who turns away and looks at the clouds. Peach noticed this and went to give some comfort)
Peach: Is something wrong, Fuchsia?
Fuchsia: I miss Toad, Peach. I don't know how long I can take this.
Peach: I see that Mario isn't the only one that lost his mind. Get a grip, girl. You're starting to lose it.
Fuchsia: I don't know if I can keep going like this.
(ping)
Peach: (!-_-)I'm sorry, but you need a reality check and bad! {Peach always knew how to use that frying pan.}
Fuchsia: Ouch! Did you have to hit me so hard?
Peach: You needed it. Now what's wrong with you?
Fuchsia: I'm... I'm going through one of my "spells" again.
Peach: Weird. One of your spells, huh? Okay, I see. But try to control yourself girl. Even if you're horny.
Fuchsia: You're right, I have to get focused again. Thanks a lot Peach, I'm ready now. Let's get a move on.
Peach: ...I sure hope so...
DKR
TT: Looks like they aren't going to show up this time.
Taj: Donkey Kong went to get them, TT. Just give him some time.
Shadow: (teleports in) Well, at least I showed up. You can't say you'll be getting the flag by forfeit. If the rest of the MKR racers don't show up, I'll be the one to race you.
Mario: Thanks a lot Shadow, but we'll take it from here.
Shadow: Took you long enough.
Mario: Better late than never.
Shadow: Hmf. As for you Fuchsia, I spoke with Toad last night... as someone witnessed it happen... (looks towards Darion) am I right?
Darion: Yeah, I got the welcome marks to prove it.
Shadow: Toad is on his way back to the kingdom as we speak. now if you ever do anything like that again, I will have to hurt you!
Fuchsia: I'm sorry Shadow, but... I haven't been myself lately.
TT: Really? Well that's too bad for her. In your hovercraft Fuchsia, it's time to go.
Fuchsia: But... that's not fair!
TT: Good, Then you're giving up?
Fuchsia: (turns to Mario, then turns to TT) I can't do it.
[a quick scene change into Fuchsia's mind.]
Fuchsia: I don't know what to do...
Toad: You race, that's all.
Fuchsia: But...
Toad: I'm not really here Fuchsia, this is just your conscience.
Fuchsia: (sadly) I miss you... whoever you are...
Toad: I know you don't want to let everyone down, but do you really want to throw off this race?
Fuchsia: I don't know what to do.
Shadow: Maybe I can help.
Fuchsia: Shadow, is that really you?
Shadow: Of course it is, now pay attention. You have two options: You can quit now and never know how you would have done. And or you can go through with racing against TT and see how well you can do.
Fuchsia: Shadow, what do you want me to do?
Shadow: Irrelevant. What I want is of no importance here, it's what you want. No one will be pressuring you, except yourself. Toad had his doubts on going up against TT too, just like you did, and he went through with it and tied. The choice is yours Fuchsia, but remember one thing... There is no shame in losing, but in never trying.... Now wake up!
[When we get back to the canyon, Fuchsia is lying down on the shore and Peach is holding her hand.]
Peach: Hey are you all right, you passed out?
Fuchsia: I'm okay, just thinking.
TT: Are you ready to go, or what?
Fuchsia: Mario...?
Mario: It's on you.
Fuchsia: (sigh) Cool, let's do it.
[TT and Fuchsia lined up in their hovercrafts, ready to race.]
Taj: Okay people, it's time to roll... er, hover through this canyon. As you know, the MKR racers need two more flags to win. The DKR racers have a chance to prevent this from happening. Good luck to both of you.
TT: Well, I went off against your boyfriend first. Now I go off against his lady, I hope things go well.
Fuchsia: Yeah, me too. I shouldn't have done this, I'm in no mood to race. (scream) Toad, I need you!!!
[Suddenly, Toad's voice entered Fuchsia's mind.]
Toad: Fuchsia, I'm right behind you.
Fuchsia: Huh?
Toad: Don't look, I'm right behind you. Everything's fine now, stop worrying about me, you're going to stress yourself too quickly. Don't dead me before I get back Fuchsia, I'll be really upset if you do. It's not like it's killing you, right?
Fuchsia: Wrong, it is killing me. Come home!
Toad: Great, being away from Fuchsia this long made her lose her mind. Do me a favor, hon.
Fuchsia: Anything for you.
Toad: Remind Peach to smack you over the head with her frying pan after the race is over.
Fuchsia: I don't want Peach to smack me with her frying pan again, she hits hard!
Toad: Fuchsia?
Peach: (!^_^) Great, just great. Fuchsia lost her senses again.
Mario: What's wrong with her, she's acting crazy?
Peach: She just needs a good humping, that's all.
Shadow: I'm not doing it.
Timber: Everyone must be bashing each other's guts in that kingdom.
DK: Not really.
Baby Mario: (-_-) Mushrooms, horny is as horny does.
Peach: You're getting' you mouth washed out with soap when we get back.
Baby Mario: So much for speaking your mind.
Diddy: Even the baby gets some.
Conker: I motion for a big orgy!
DK, KT & Taj: You horny little bastard.
Conker: Ah, lick deese nuts.
Bowser: You mean the nuts that you don't have? (laughs)
Shadow: (shaking his head) And here we go...
Conker: Pipe your trap, Titanic.
Tip Tup: (laughing) Titanic... oh that's funny.
Bowser: Shut up Tip Tup. At least I didn't make any "new friends" in Sherbert Land.
(DK and the Mario Bros. laugh)
Tip Tup: And what are you laughing at Donkey Kong, at least I've gotten some lately. {Bad move.}
DK: At least I didn't have to wish for a girl to come into my life after drawing her.
(Diddy and Timber chuckle)
KT: Wait a minute, he wished for a girlfriend? Ppppppp, that sucks. (laughs)
TT: This has gotten way out of hand.
Fuchsia: (!-_-) And I thought I had problems....
Darion: Hey! Racers, judges, folks, let's stay on task here.
Taj: Hey Shadow, here's something interesting for you to hear.
Shadow: Go on, genie.
Taj: After this race is over, your race with Darion is next.
Shadow: I know that, but where is the question... (to Taj) Good. Now I can finally get the rematch that we were promised.
Taj: Isn't that grand?
Shadow: You just don't know how grand it is, Taj. And after long last, I will finally complete my mission. Be ready Toad, and suit up my ally, it's almost time...
After everyone regained their senses, TT and Fuchsia finally got to race. It was long going, but at least all of the bickering has ceased. Let's just hope that it doesn't start again...
Taj: And now, the moment that we've all should've seen, {You got that right.} the next flag race here in Boulder Canyon. Like always it's three laps, and a flag is up for grabs. Now shake hands and get ready to roll... er, hover.
(TT and Fuchsia shook hands)
DK: All non participants to the booths, now. (the other racers left) Taj and I will be here across from each other at the line and we'll see first- hand who crosses first in the event of a tie. Good luck to both of you.
TT: This shouldn't be a problem.
Fuchsia: Wish me luck, Toad.
Taj: Racers ready... GO!
[And off they went. Around the first turn, things were neck and neck. In the booths, all the other racers were watching.]
Peach: You know, Fuchsia really worries about Toad too much.
Shadow: It's not worrying, but caring. Fuchsia has never met a Mushroom Man like Toad before and stays true to her goldenrod heart.
Peach: There would be no way I would worry so much like that about Luigi.
Luigi: Care to rephrase that?
Peach: (!^_^) I mean, not all the time. Maybe if something happened to you that was dire, but not over having a cold bed at night for a long time.
Luigi: Huh. Hey Shadow, do you sleep with Fuchsia?
Shadow: No. I don't sleep with her like you do with Peach. Fuchsia doesn't belong to me.
Mario: You mean you haven't tried?
Shadow: I don't sleep, let alone sleep with my ally's prize. You people are foolish, you Found people you.
Timber: There you go with that found crap again.
Shadow: If you want to be Lost like me, just say so. I can arrange that ever so quickly.
Timber: I'll pass.
Waluigi: Where are the condiments at?
Taj: Excuse me?
Waluigi: Condiments, not condoms you idiot.
Taj: We don't have any of those.
Waluigi: You guys suck.
Taj: Hey, just remember that you aren't at home.
Waluigi: My home is better than this place.
Luigi & Peach: That was my line to say something fresh, but I think I'll save it for later.
Wario: Is there something wrong wit' m' house?
Peach: With your part no, but your brother's... Let's just say he needs better taste.
Waluigi: You can taste my dick in your mouth! {I wonder why the FCC let this line slide... Oh well.}
Shadow: remember what happened the last time you tried to do that? You almost got castrated.
Waluigi: Hey, don't read my thoughts Shadow.
Shadow: Okay, then maybe I should tell Peach what you just thought?
Waluigi: Uh, that's not necessary.
Peach: (\_/) What did he think?
Shadow: Oh nothing, just getting blown.
Peach: (mean look to Waluigi) I can always find my good friend Butch.
Waluigi: I'm not afraid of Butch.
Peach: Oh really?! (pulls Butch out from between her royal bust) Care to say that again?
Pipsy: (O_O) Where did that come from!?
Timber: Where did wha-- Oh sh...
Shadow: Timber, meet Butch.
Peach: It's amazing what you can put in your bra, Pipsy.
Luigi: Yeeh. I knew there are reasons why I don't grab her there. This is another one. {Tch, ya' think?} Peach, put that away!
Peach: Sure I will, but after Waluigi drops to his knees and apologizes.
Waluigi: Forget it!
Peach: Grab his arms Luigi and make sure he can't get free.
Luigi: Gotcha'!
Shadow: At least the race is going well...
Well is the right word for it, Shadow. Halfway through the second lap, the two racers were still close. Maybe Fuchsia's conscience isn't getting to her after all... [At the two tunnels, Fuchsia went right and TT went left. With the right pathway taken, so was the lead.]
TT: That mushroom is all washed up.
Fuchsia: So far, so good. I just might win this race. TT isn't even behind me... Uh oh! I'm losing it...
TT had crossed for a second time starting his final lap, but Fuchsia was a second later. All the way through this lap it seemed close, until TT used his Speed Shield to blaze through. When he got to the bridge, the stopwatch got a Slickpak and rung the bell. When Fuchsia exited the tunnel, she saw the bridge going up right in front of her eyes.
Fuchsia: Great, now I have to wait.
Shadow: Get in the water and go around.
Fuchsia: Thanks, Shadow.
[Fuchsia hopped into the water and went around, but she forgot to turn back onto the track. She turned around and found the track, but she lost time.] Going into the right tunnel again, TT didn't see fuchsia behind him.
TT: The drawbridge worked. The race belongs to me, Fuchsia. thanks for the race... and the win.
As TT exited the tunnel, Fuchsia entered it. She decided to finish the race, even though she knew she had lost.
Fuchsia: Oh well, I hope Mario doesn't yell at me. I really don't need that right now.
Taj: Here they come.
DK: What they? I just hear TT.
(TT swerved by DK, who was holding the flag and took it from the gorilla's hand as he crossed the line. A couple of seconds later, Fuchsia finally crossed the line)
TT: Hey Fuchsia, not bad for a beginner. You really had me thinking that there would have been a tie.
Fuchsia: (sigh) Thanks.
*
After the race was over, everyone went to the Mess Area for chow.
Fuchsia: I'm sorry about letting you down during that race Mario, I hope you're not mad at me.
Mario: Nah. Nobody wins all the time, Fuchsia. Shit happens.
Luigi: That course looked pretty tough anyway.
Pipsy: So explain to me again how you put that um... Butch in your bra?
Fuchsia: You put Butch where?
Peach: In my bra.
Fuchsia: How do you put something like that in your bra?
Peach: Very carefully.
Berri: Okay, I'm confused. Who is Butch and why is he in your bra?
Peach: (pulling butch out of her bra again) Berri, Butch. Butch, Berri. Any more questions?
Berri: Do you cut yourself doing that?
Peach: Naw. Besides, I already had my tetanus shots.
Berri: Whoa. I never thought a girl could put something as big and as sharp as a butcher knife in her bra. Peach must have tits of steel or somethin'.
Peach: No, not really Berri. But thanks for the compliment... even though you meant to think it.
Shadow: Well, I see that things are actually going good for both sides.
DK: What do you mean by that?
Shadow: Two is the magic number. Two flags is all that's needed for both sides; For Diddy and his crew to tie things up again and for myself and the rest of us to actually win this Race Wars. It's all coming down to the wire, isn't it Kong?
Diddy & DK: It sure is.
Shadow: Well, I guess I will see you later. Until then everyone.
Taj: Where are you going? The next race is starting after we're done eating.
Shadow: Yes, after you're done eating. I need not eat, so I will see you later.
(Shadow jumped into Toad's kart and headed to the other side. The captains and the judges watched him go, but didn't stop him. Mario just shrugged)
Taj: What was all that about?
Mario: Don't look at me, I don't know.
TT: I have no clue.
Krunch: Screw him. I'm eating up while the food is fresh. If you want to make him a doggie bag, be my guest.
Darion: Hmmm... I know where he's going. Nice trick Toad, but you can't fool me with that shadow routine. I know who you really are and I will prove it to everyone... right after this race.
RACE WARS TALLY
DKR-9 MKR-11
MKR
[Toad's house. The closet opens and there is a red hat with black spots on it. Toad's arm takes the hat, the black shoes and the orchid vest out. The hanger is empty for a few moments, then Toad's signature outfit goes on the hanger and into the closet. Toad's drawer opens and he takes out some red baggy shorts to match his hat. {More actual shorts huh? Good.} Toad is then seen in the mirror, wearing his red fit.]
Toad: Okay, All suited up and ready to roll. Aw man, my cue's hanging out. (tucks cue in and turns to see his backside) That's better. Ready Shadow?
Shadow: Of course.
Toad: Good. It's time to roll.
(Toad and Shadow teleported away.) Daisy walks through her castle thinking about what to do next.
Daisy: Man, Peach always gets to do the fun things. Now I feel bad... it's time to go shopping.
A little while later, Mario and the gang were at the usual, discussing you know what.
Luigi: So where are we going next?
Mario: Your guess is as good as mine, Luigi. Taj or DK have yet said anything on that matter.
Fuchsia: I don't care about the next race, I want my Toad back.
(ping)
Fuchsia: Ow!
Peach: (mocking) Toad, come home, I need you. Toad, please come back. My bed is too cold Toad, please hurry home. (*-_-) If you keep mentioning Toad one more time I'm going to slap the taste out of your mouth.
Fuchsia: B-but Peach, I miss him.
Peach: You sound like the women from YR Fuchsia. If I wanted to watch my soaps, I'll turn on the tv. Now look, I don't want to hear about Toad again for the rest of Race Wars.
Fuchsia: But...
Peach: I said no more whining about Toad! Sheesh, you're acting like he left you for another mushroom woman.
Fuchsia: But...
Peach: This is what happens when you only have sex three times in... What is it now, nine months?
Mario: Are you pregnant?
Fuchsia: No I'm not pregnant! Well, at least not yet anyway.
Shadow: Is she still complaining about Toad not being here?
Peach: More than ever, Shadow.
Shadow: Sheesh, I never though you would be a pain in someone's ass for this long. Get a hold of yourself, woman!
Luigi: I'm just surprised she hasn't offered entrance to those pearly gates yet.
Shadow: She's done that and boy did I feel uncomfortable about delivering the message to Toad. Look, I just talked to Toad today.
Mario: Where was he?
Shadow: At home, duh! He just went to change his clothes and then left to get his gift for "Cryous Hornious" over there.
Luigi: Great, Fuchsia's acting like a bitch in heat and her dog is nowhere to be found.
Peach: I hope Toad comes back soon, because if this keeps up, I'm gonna' have to beat the crap out of his girlfriend.
[Unbeknownst to them, Darion was listening to that whole chat under the bridge.]
Darion: What are you trying to prove now Toad? Hah, It doesn't really matter now.
Toad: Silly fool.
Darion: (Climbs up and stands on the bridge.) I know that you're Shadow in disguise, Toad. You aren't fooling anyone.
Toad: Do you really think so?
[Inside the castle]
Darion: What are you doing here!?
Toad: This is where I work.
Mario: Hey, that was Toad.
Peach: Everybody, outside!
[back outside.]
Darion: You're not the real Toad, you're just an illusion.
Toad: (laugh) What a fool you are. just because I've changed clothes doesn't mean that I'm not the real deal.
Darion: Nice trick Toad, or should I say Shadow?
Shadow: You should say Toad. (teleports in)
Darion: Nice trick.
Toad: Who's doing one?
Darion: You are.
Toad: If I'm doing the trick, then why are you listening to Mario's chat?
Darion: I'm more than just a racer, or didn't you know about that?
Toad: To be honest about it, I didn't know. Shadow didn't tell me.
Shadow: Yes. However, his being a spy isn't relevant to the wars now. A little advice... Never place your nose where it doesn't belong.
Darion: Take off that veil Shadow, show me your true face!
Shadow: As you wish.
[Shadow took off the black veil and showed his face to Darion. And of course, nothing was there.]
Darion: Tch, another mask. Take that off too.
(Shadow placed his hand in front of his face and quickly removed it. To his surprise, his own face was in it)
Toad: Darion, this will only get you nowhere. I'm leaving now... but just remember that you have no clue. (teleports away) Fool, you don't know anything about Shadow... except the fact that he isn't me.
[The gang shows up outside to see Shadow and Darion leering each other.]
Mario: Hey Shadow, what happened?
Fuchsia: Was Toad here?
Darion: He was here and he was wearing red.
Taj: Darion, there you are. We've been looking all over for you, it's nice to know that... Did I miss something?
Luigi: not much, but why are you guys here?
Taj: The next race is about to start on Rainbow Road. Come on, let's go.
*
Finally it was time for the race on Rainbow Road. I actually thought this would be the last race, but I guess both teams couldn't wait for it. Jugem was at the line waiting for the big decision.
Jugem: Hurry up Mario, make your choice quickly.
Mario: I'm thinking', I'm thinking'.
Shadow: No, you're not. This race belongs to me.
Mario: Shadow, you can't race here.
Shadow: Silence. I will not listen to you, nor you, nor you. I've waited a long time to do this and I shall wait no more. In your kart Darion, this race is ours.
Diddy: Just what do you think you're doing?
Darion: Relax Diddy, Shadow just wants to complete his mission.
Diddy: ...What mission?
Darion: Nevermind, just get out of the way.
Taj: But Darion...
Darion: I'll be fine, Taj. Just remember that fools rush in.
Shadow: Kind of like how you did before? {Touché!}
Darion: Let's do this!
[Darion and Shadow lined up at the line and Jugem was ready.]
Taj: Darion, I don't really give out favorites, but whoop his ass!
DK: Really now?
Taj: Oh, so you can laugh at Tip Tup but I can't say what I feel? Some judge you are Donkey Kong.
Darion: You're going to fail winning against me again Shadow, just like last time in Darkmoon Caverns.
Shadow: Let's see you prove that theory.
Darion: You won't beat me, Shadow. That I promise you.
Shadow: We've six thousand meters or race left Darion, don't get cocky before you start getting down to dueling.
Darion: Your tricks won't help you here, just like they didn't help you back then Shadow. This flag goes to the DKR Team.
Shadow: You may think so, but you're gonna' have to go through death itself first.
Jugem: You guys really have a lot to prove... now shake hands.
(Shadow and Darion shook hands)
Darion: Get ready to fail again.
Shadow: Welcome to your colorful Hell, Racer X.
Jugem: I've heard as much as I can take, get the hell going already!
[The two blazed off and down the hill they went.]
Jugem: Good luck to both of you....
[the two racers landed safely and headed down the stretch neck and neck. Into the first turn, Shadow picked up a lot of speed sliding into mini turbos, but Darion wasn't too far behind. After the first set of items, Shadow had a Shield while Darion a Slickpak.] (Darion fired away his slicks forward and Shadow shook his head)
Shadow: Nice, but it will only hurt you...
Darion: Don't think that you're taking pole easily Shadow, you're way ahead of yourself if you do.
Shadow: We shall see.
[On the next set of items, Shadow kept Darion from picking any up. However, he had to use his Shield to avoid being chomped.]
Darion: That serves you right.
Shadow: (gives raspberry) Pissed I see...
Around the circle they shifted pole many times, but when they left it, they were neck and neck again. The watchers in the booths away from the course knew it all.
Timber: Man, this course is long.
Luigi: It's the longest.
Diddy: How do you race this course without having a butt burn?
Mario: Don't ask.
Toad: Fuchsia, are you there?
Fuchsia: Toad... I'm right here.
Toad: Good, catch.
(A bouquet of long stem roses fell from the sky and into Fuchsia's open arms.)
Toad: It's not much, but it's the best I could do for leaving you waiting for so long. Fuchsia: (hearts in eyes) Thank you Toad.
Toad: No problem babe, now stop driving everybody nuts. I'll see you after the race Fuchsia, 'til then...
After crossing the fifth turn, missiles collided and exploded as the shift of pole changed.
Darion: Don't get cocky now Shadow, it's only the first lap.
Shadow: This ain't cocky, 'tis confidence.
Darion: I got your confidence right here. (fires a Homer)
{He shoots... he misses.}
Shadow: A futile attempt, but at least he thought it was worth it... That's all that matters to a racer.
The next turn resulted in a neck and neck race... (thunder strikes) At least it was until Darion used his Thunder Bullet.
Shadow: Misery loves company my friend.
[Darion laughed at it so much that he didn't see the chomp until it was too late and got bit. This caused Shadow to retie the match.]
Darion: I had to laugh...
Shadow: Too bad too, you could've had a great lead on me. Oh well, it's just the first lap...
Darion: The fat lady didn't sing yet.
The last two turns were neck and neck, but Shadow had a hard time keeping up since Darion kept getting Thunder Bullets. It seemed hopeless that Shadow would win, but the Lost never give up.
Darion: The second lap, and the lead is mine.
[Darion crossed the line first lap and Shadow crossed five seconds later.]
Shadow: In your words Toad, and I mean them with all do respect, "It's time for a little justice... Mushroom Justice."
[The Mushroom Justice theme kicks in.]
Shadow: Showtime.
The second lap came in and the MKR racers watched in disbelief as Shadow was trailing the race.
Diddy: Well Mario, your trumph card is a high one, but ours is higher than yours will ever be.
Toad: You misjudge too quickly, Diddy Kong. That was your big mistake and I shall prove it to you.
Diddy: HUH?
Toad: Open your mind, Kong.
Diddy: Toad!
Toad: As Darion once did, Shadow is only toying with Darion.
Diddy: Toying my ass.
Toad: Sorry, I only toy with Fuchsia's ass. I'll never swing that way Diddy Kong, it will be a cold day in Hell first.
Diddy: Shadow's lost again Toad and there's nothing that you, or Mario can do to stop Darion... Even on your own track.
Toad: You just sealed your grave...
Shadow was trailing a good ten seconds behind Darion and for once was starting to see a fatal flaw.
Shadow: I underestimated him again, but this time it's come back to haunt me.
Toad: Let me take control of the wheel, Shadow.
Shadow: You can't do this now, Toad.
Toad: Just give me the wheel.
Shadow: It's all yours.
[Toad placed his hands on the wheel and began to steer and managed to pick up a Timed Boost.]
Toad: Listen carefully, I want you to charge the boost. Just hole the fire button down with your right thumb.
Shadow: (placing thumb on fire button) Now what?
Toad: Left hand on the wheel.
[Shadow did what Toad said and Darion saw his rival going around the circle turn.]
Darion: Something's wrong here. He doesn't let me lead like this on purpose... It's a trap. But he doesn't know that I know that... well, if you can play the role, than I can play it better.
Shadow: He's caught on to the plan.
Toad: Even so, but he doesn't know that he's racing two people at once.
Shadow: He's one turn ahead of us now, what's the plan?
Toad: On my command, boost.
Shadow had a nice surprise on turn six...
Shadow: There you are, you just left the turn.
Toad: Boost now, and brace yourself.
Shadow: For what? (starts boosting) Oh shiiiiiit!!!
KT: Hey check it out, Shadow's boosting just like my cousin did at Everfrost Peak.
Diddy: Well, what do you know... Shadow might just have a chance after all. (swallowing pride) Hmf, so what if your cousin told Shadow how to use the boost that way, it's not like it will help them.
Conker: Actually, it did help him Diddy.
Diddy: (O_O) What?!
Conker was right, and what seemed like a one-sided race became even... At least until Darion hit his new Thunder Bullet which canceled the boost altogether. This cause a little tension in the booths as well.
Mario: (\_/) Hey, what is this blanket you're trying to pull over our eyes, genie?
Taj: I don't know what you're talking about.
Mario: Did anyone count the number of bullets that Darion used?
Thunder: I did.
(everyone turns around to see Yoshi Thunder)
Diddy: There's a pink one now?
Thunder: That's a shocking pink to you, monkey boy.
Peach: Yoshi Thunder, what are you doing here?
Thunder: Just watching the match and counting six Thunder Bullets.
Mario: Six, I counted five?
Thunder: I saw six of them Mario, and I don't like it one bit. A racer is lucky to get one of those things, three at the most. But there is no way a racer can get six bullets of lightning in just two laps. Something's foul here and all of you DKR racers have some explaining to do.
Mario: Someone's cheating and we all want to know who.
Diddy: We don't need to cheat to win against you guys.
Baby Mario: Not the way I see it.
DKR racers: HUH?
Baby Mario: Listen, you guys are down by two and have that "win at all costs" situation on your hands, it makes perfect sense to all of us.
Timber: How?
Baby Mario: All of you know that we need two flags to win Race Wars and you've decided to cheat just to save your sorry hides.
Diddy: How dare you accuse us of cheating?
Baby Mario: Because all of the clues point to you guys.
Conker: And what makes you so sure that you were the ones trying to cheat and your plan backfired?
Baby Mario: All we need is two flags, Diddy. Why would we cheat now when we can beat you, like we are now, fair and square?
Diddy: Why don't you answer that Mario, 'sides, you want everything to end so soon?
Mario: True, but I'll race clean before I cheat. And judging from the scores of this contest, we don't need to cheat.
Peach: They're both right. If we were going to cheat, we would have done it a long time ago. But we didn't, so you can't point the finger at us.
Taj: All of this arguing is taking out of the race! Let's just watch the race and discuss this afterwards.
Shadow crossed his final lap far behind Darion and was starting to admit failure.
Toad: Take the shortcut, Shadow. If you make it, then you're back in business.
Shadow: It's risky, Toad.
Toad: You're already behind Shadow, besides, you have nothing to lose... except your mission.
Shadow: .......
Toad: You don't have much choice, take the jump.
Shadow: (sigh) Here goes everything......
[Shadow hit a hard left and jumped over the side. Darion heard the other kart and looked to his left. The racers in the booth were stunned to see the jump.]
KT: Hey Mario, do you think Shadow can make it?
Mario: I really don't know KT, but if he does, we're back in the race.
Peach: Cross your fingers everyone.
Shadow tasted sugar in his sweat, as Darion was driving and looking at Shadow's kart as it flew towards his own. From Darion's point of view, it looked like Shadow missed, but he was wrong as Shadow landed safely, but hit Darion. The impact caused both drivers to spin out.
Jugem: Well folks, Shadow made it, but both drivers are down.
All: What!?
(Everyone looked at where Shadow had landed and saw a big cloud of smoke. This made everyone fear for the worst)
DK: I don't like the looks of that thing.
Taj: Let's just hope that those two are okay...
[When the smoke cleared, Jugem and Bobby were helping Shadow and Darion out of their karts.]
Shadow: Ow...
Darion: Thank you, R. You were really watching over me tonight.
Shadow: You're lucky to be alive.
Darion: You too.
Shadow: So I take it that this is a draw?
Darion: You said--er, thought it. (shakes Shadow's hand)
Jugem: DK, can you hear me?
DK: Loud and clear, Jugem.
Jugem: I know you didn't want to hear it again, but chalk up one flag for each side. You've got yourself another draw.
DK: Over. (to everyone) We have another tie.
Toad: Yes, we do. Diddy, Mario, these are for you. Catch.
(Two RW flags fell from the sky, just like the roses did and the team captains took one each)
Mario: Three races left, one flag to go. Even if we tie against you in any of these last races, we won Race Wars.
Diddy: We don't give up, Mario. We're racing you until the end of the line.
Mario: It's nice to know that you've got it in ya'. Good luck losing, Diddy.
Diddy: Good luck losing to too, Mario.
After the race, everyone had a good meal.
Mario: I can't believe you made that shortcut Shadow, that was cool.
KT: Yeah. It took major watermelons to do that.
Shadow: I don't have watermelons... I have "pumpkins"!
Luigi: Pumpkins are big.
Shadow: Not pumpkins, "pumpkins"!
Mario Bros.: Oh, "pumpkins"!
Shadow: Well, it was fun going back on the track once again for a seasoned veteran like myself. I had a great time going up against someone and calling him an equal.
Darion: I'm honored to be your equal.
Shadow: I know you are, Darion. Now it's time for me to go, my job is done here and my welcome has ended.
Darion: Shadow, will we ever race each other again?
Shadow: Maybe, only time will tell. (hops into Toad's kart) See ya' later DKR racers. Until next time, Racer X. (teleports away)
Mario: See you next time, Shadow.
[Off into the mountains, Shadow stood from the cliff and surrounded himself in a circle of fresh soil.]
Toad: It's time, Shadow.
Shadow: Of course.
[With the open stance, Shadow leaves and Toad returns.]
Shadow: With conquest over and foes defeated, I leave this realm... Mission completed.
(The fire that engulfed Toad, engulfed Shadow.)
[Late that night and Fuchsia looked out the window. She's sad since Toad didn't come back yet. She just sighed and walked away from the window and went into the bedroom wearing her pink robe.]
Fuchsia: Another night alone in bed... (sigh) Toad, you promised that I would see you after the race. You lied to me...
[Fuchsia opened the door and saw Toad in his white robe, sitting on the bed.]
Fuchsia: (hearts in eyes) There you are, Toad!
Toad: Of course--Wha!!
[Fuchsia dove right on top of Toad, knocking him on his back on his bed.]
Fuchsia: I'm so glad you're home, boy I missed you.
Toad: I can see that. I missed you too.
[Scene fades into the night sky from Toad's house.]
Fuchsia: Good, now drop your pants.
Toad: Excuse me?
Fuchsia: Drop your pants, Toad.
Toad: But what about-
Fuchsia: Do you want a blowjob or not?
(silence falls...) {I guess Toad found his key.}
Fuchsia: (giggle) Now lay back, relax and say, "Oh, yeah."
Toad: (caught breath) Ooooh yyyyeaaahh!
RACE WARS TALLY
DKR-10 MKR-12
almost done.....
RACE WARS
PART 9
ENDGAME: SHADOW RUN
[One a.m. at night. Darion stares at the ceiling as Pipsy sleeps in their bed.]
Darion: Hmmm, something is up with that Shadow character. Who is he really, and why is he here? I still think that Shadow is to Toad as Racer X is to myself. I will find out who he really is... when, is the question? (Pipsy turns to her boyfriend) At least someone can sleep, I'm not tired at all. Maybe a walk will help.
(Darion got out of bed, and once he did, Pipsy woke up)
Pipsy: Darion, where are you going?
Darion: For a walk, I can't sleep.
Pipsy: Cover up, it's cold out.
Darion: Okay Mom, whatever you say.
After finding his coat, Darion went outside. But little did he know that someone was watching him.
Darion: Man, the wind feels as if frozen.
Toad: Ah that freezing feeling, it makes a guy feel all squishy in the toes.
Darion: What the...
[Darion turns around to see Toad standing on a table.]
Toad: Surprised to see me?
Darion: In an open vest? Yes.
Toad: I've had many colder days than this one... and I wore less than this.
Darion: So why are you here?
Toad: Just clearing my head, that's all. Don't worry, I'm not alone like you thought I was.
Darion: Who else is here?
Shadow: ME!
[Shadow appears next to Darion as if he teleported and stood to the mouse's right.]
Darion: Whoa!
Shadow: Did I startle you?
Darion: Ah, yeah.
Toad: So, do you still think that Shadow and I are the same person?
Darion: How did you...
Toad: Many people think that I'm Shadow, you're not the first...
Shadow: And certainly aren't the last.
Darion: Hmf.
Toad: Seeing is believing to you, right?
Darion: I guess... But how do I know that this isn't a hologram?
Toad: Come here. (Darion walks forward face to face with Toad) No hard feelings but... (slap)
Darion: Ow!
Toad: Projections don't hurt.
Shadow: Is it my turn now, or do you take his word for it?
[Darion walks up to Shadow who takes a swing at him. Darion blocked it, but got tripped by Shadow.]
Shadow: Now that you know, we are two people and we do exist. Now go back to bed, you crazy insomniac.
(Darion walks back to his dorm a little confused, but satisfied as Toad and Shadow watch him go)
Toad: So that is what you have to deal with, huh?
Shadow: Yes.
Toad: Back to business. Mario wants to end this quickly I see?
Shadow: Yes, he's fed up with giving the DKR racers a chance. He wants to win two of the next five and end this match.
Toad: And your mission?
Shadow: Everything's in place. Now that I know what I'm up against, it will be no problem taking the flag from him this time.
Toad: Where will you be racing?
Shadow: If everything goes as planned, Rainbow Road. Either way, I win the next flag we duel for.
Toad: I want to tell you something about Rainbow Road. It's a shortcut that I found out a while back. You know how the track begins with that long hill?
Shadow: Go on?
Toad: You make a hard left turn as you jump off the side. It's very risky, but if you make it, you'll be at the base of the spiral turn where the star is. It's a good twenty seconds off your lap time.
Shadow: So you've made the jump?
Toad: I always overshoot it and end up falling. You have a better chance of making it that I do.
Shadow: I will investigate this myself and give you results later.
Toad: Like always, it does interest you. Well I have to go fetch a surprise for my girlfriend. When you're done, notify me at once.
Shadow: Gotcha' Toad.
[Toad teleported away and Shadow went to the other side in Toad's kart. {Cool, Toad can teleported.} With a clear mind, he drives off.]
Shadow: Sometimes the greatest trick in the world is convincing the world that you don't exist, but then again... Where's the fun in that?
MKR
As Darion wonders about finding the true reason to Shadow, Mario's thoughts are for ending the wars. He even sits on the couch of Daisy's castle to think of what to do next.
Mario: Two more flags... That's all we need. Two more flags... Once we get them, Diddy and his friends will truly know who is the real master of racing. This is almost over, I can just taste it. Now all I need is to get it over with, but who will get it done? Luigi, Peach, or Bowser? Maybe Shadow might get it done... but can it actually happen? Will Darion actually beat Shadow again, on our turf? Listen to my thoughts here. Shadow is the only person so far that can actually catch Darion, he can win.
[Toad's house. Fuchsia stands in front of the window looking at the stars with a worried look on her face.]
Fuchsia: Toad, please come home. I can't go on like this, maybe I'm going through one of my "spells" again. Oooh, my bed is too cold when I'm alone. Toad I miss you... Shadow, where are you?
Shadow: (teleporting in) What?
(Fuchsia walks over and places her arms around Shadow) {What are you doing!?}
Shadow: Did I miss something here?
Fuchsia: No, but I'm missing someone now. Could you deliver a message to Toad for me? Please.... just this once for me?
Shadow: What? As long as it's not funny for me to deliver, I'll do it.
Fuchsia: Thank you.
The next day, everyone of the MKR racers met up at Peach's castle.
Mario: This contest is over. I want everyone to win, there are no exceptions.
Yoshi: Major ego trip.
Peach: Mario, you've lost it last night didn't you?
Mario: I'm super psyched. Now, I want each of you to get in gear and show no mercy!
Luigi: (!U_U) He's lost his mind.
Peach: (!-_-) You said it.
Baby Mario: (arms crossed) Maybe he didn't get any from Daisy last night?
Yoshi: And you had some?
Baby Mario: Do I look like I can pop a coochie yet? {Nooo. No he didn't.}
Mario: No, but you've tried with Daisy's niece.
Baby Mario: (!^_^) Heh, heh, you know I've a decade or more before I can get some.
Yoshi: Just like your role model, you'll come early. Look, I did my share for the team and I won on my home turf. Get a grip Mario, my job here is done. Now if anyone wants me, I'm headed for Yoster's Isle. (leaving) See ya'!
Mario: Hey?
Peach: Let him go, Mario.
DK: Hey everyone, you might want to get over to Boulder Canyon and pronto. Make sure you take your hovercrafts and get down there for the next flag event.
Mario: Okay, let's get a move on.
(Everyone leaves except for Fuchsia, who turns away and looks at the clouds. Peach noticed this and went to give some comfort)
Peach: Is something wrong, Fuchsia?
Fuchsia: I miss Toad, Peach. I don't know how long I can take this.
Peach: I see that Mario isn't the only one that lost his mind. Get a grip, girl. You're starting to lose it.
Fuchsia: I don't know if I can keep going like this.
(ping)
Peach: (!-_-)I'm sorry, but you need a reality check and bad! {Peach always knew how to use that frying pan.}
Fuchsia: Ouch! Did you have to hit me so hard?
Peach: You needed it. Now what's wrong with you?
Fuchsia: I'm... I'm going through one of my "spells" again.
Peach: Weird. One of your spells, huh? Okay, I see. But try to control yourself girl. Even if you're horny.
Fuchsia: You're right, I have to get focused again. Thanks a lot Peach, I'm ready now. Let's get a move on.
Peach: ...I sure hope so...
DKR
TT: Looks like they aren't going to show up this time.
Taj: Donkey Kong went to get them, TT. Just give him some time.
Shadow: (teleports in) Well, at least I showed up. You can't say you'll be getting the flag by forfeit. If the rest of the MKR racers don't show up, I'll be the one to race you.
Mario: Thanks a lot Shadow, but we'll take it from here.
Shadow: Took you long enough.
Mario: Better late than never.
Shadow: Hmf. As for you Fuchsia, I spoke with Toad last night... as someone witnessed it happen... (looks towards Darion) am I right?
Darion: Yeah, I got the welcome marks to prove it.
Shadow: Toad is on his way back to the kingdom as we speak. now if you ever do anything like that again, I will have to hurt you!
Fuchsia: I'm sorry Shadow, but... I haven't been myself lately.
TT: Really? Well that's too bad for her. In your hovercraft Fuchsia, it's time to go.
Fuchsia: But... that's not fair!
TT: Good, Then you're giving up?
Fuchsia: (turns to Mario, then turns to TT) I can't do it.
[a quick scene change into Fuchsia's mind.]
Fuchsia: I don't know what to do...
Toad: You race, that's all.
Fuchsia: But...
Toad: I'm not really here Fuchsia, this is just your conscience.
Fuchsia: (sadly) I miss you... whoever you are...
Toad: I know you don't want to let everyone down, but do you really want to throw off this race?
Fuchsia: I don't know what to do.
Shadow: Maybe I can help.
Fuchsia: Shadow, is that really you?
Shadow: Of course it is, now pay attention. You have two options: You can quit now and never know how you would have done. And or you can go through with racing against TT and see how well you can do.
Fuchsia: Shadow, what do you want me to do?
Shadow: Irrelevant. What I want is of no importance here, it's what you want. No one will be pressuring you, except yourself. Toad had his doubts on going up against TT too, just like you did, and he went through with it and tied. The choice is yours Fuchsia, but remember one thing... There is no shame in losing, but in never trying.... Now wake up!
[When we get back to the canyon, Fuchsia is lying down on the shore and Peach is holding her hand.]
Peach: Hey are you all right, you passed out?
Fuchsia: I'm okay, just thinking.
TT: Are you ready to go, or what?
Fuchsia: Mario...?
Mario: It's on you.
Fuchsia: (sigh) Cool, let's do it.
[TT and Fuchsia lined up in their hovercrafts, ready to race.]
Taj: Okay people, it's time to roll... er, hover through this canyon. As you know, the MKR racers need two more flags to win. The DKR racers have a chance to prevent this from happening. Good luck to both of you.
TT: Well, I went off against your boyfriend first. Now I go off against his lady, I hope things go well.
Fuchsia: Yeah, me too. I shouldn't have done this, I'm in no mood to race. (scream) Toad, I need you!!!
[Suddenly, Toad's voice entered Fuchsia's mind.]
Toad: Fuchsia, I'm right behind you.
Fuchsia: Huh?
Toad: Don't look, I'm right behind you. Everything's fine now, stop worrying about me, you're going to stress yourself too quickly. Don't dead me before I get back Fuchsia, I'll be really upset if you do. It's not like it's killing you, right?
Fuchsia: Wrong, it is killing me. Come home!
Toad: Great, being away from Fuchsia this long made her lose her mind. Do me a favor, hon.
Fuchsia: Anything for you.
Toad: Remind Peach to smack you over the head with her frying pan after the race is over.
Fuchsia: I don't want Peach to smack me with her frying pan again, she hits hard!
Toad: Fuchsia?
Peach: (!^_^) Great, just great. Fuchsia lost her senses again.
Mario: What's wrong with her, she's acting crazy?
Peach: She just needs a good humping, that's all.
Shadow: I'm not doing it.
Timber: Everyone must be bashing each other's guts in that kingdom.
DK: Not really.
Baby Mario: (-_-) Mushrooms, horny is as horny does.
Peach: You're getting' you mouth washed out with soap when we get back.
Baby Mario: So much for speaking your mind.
Diddy: Even the baby gets some.
Conker: I motion for a big orgy!
DK, KT & Taj: You horny little bastard.
Conker: Ah, lick deese nuts.
Bowser: You mean the nuts that you don't have? (laughs)
Shadow: (shaking his head) And here we go...
Conker: Pipe your trap, Titanic.
Tip Tup: (laughing) Titanic... oh that's funny.
Bowser: Shut up Tip Tup. At least I didn't make any "new friends" in Sherbert Land.
(DK and the Mario Bros. laugh)
Tip Tup: And what are you laughing at Donkey Kong, at least I've gotten some lately. {Bad move.}
DK: At least I didn't have to wish for a girl to come into my life after drawing her.
(Diddy and Timber chuckle)
KT: Wait a minute, he wished for a girlfriend? Ppppppp, that sucks. (laughs)
TT: This has gotten way out of hand.
Fuchsia: (!-_-) And I thought I had problems....
Darion: Hey! Racers, judges, folks, let's stay on task here.
Taj: Hey Shadow, here's something interesting for you to hear.
Shadow: Go on, genie.
Taj: After this race is over, your race with Darion is next.
Shadow: I know that, but where is the question... (to Taj) Good. Now I can finally get the rematch that we were promised.
Taj: Isn't that grand?
Shadow: You just don't know how grand it is, Taj. And after long last, I will finally complete my mission. Be ready Toad, and suit up my ally, it's almost time...
After everyone regained their senses, TT and Fuchsia finally got to race. It was long going, but at least all of the bickering has ceased. Let's just hope that it doesn't start again...
Taj: And now, the moment that we've all should've seen, {You got that right.} the next flag race here in Boulder Canyon. Like always it's three laps, and a flag is up for grabs. Now shake hands and get ready to roll... er, hover.
(TT and Fuchsia shook hands)
DK: All non participants to the booths, now. (the other racers left) Taj and I will be here across from each other at the line and we'll see first- hand who crosses first in the event of a tie. Good luck to both of you.
TT: This shouldn't be a problem.
Fuchsia: Wish me luck, Toad.
Taj: Racers ready... GO!
[And off they went. Around the first turn, things were neck and neck. In the booths, all the other racers were watching.]
Peach: You know, Fuchsia really worries about Toad too much.
Shadow: It's not worrying, but caring. Fuchsia has never met a Mushroom Man like Toad before and stays true to her goldenrod heart.
Peach: There would be no way I would worry so much like that about Luigi.
Luigi: Care to rephrase that?
Peach: (!^_^) I mean, not all the time. Maybe if something happened to you that was dire, but not over having a cold bed at night for a long time.
Luigi: Huh. Hey Shadow, do you sleep with Fuchsia?
Shadow: No. I don't sleep with her like you do with Peach. Fuchsia doesn't belong to me.
Mario: You mean you haven't tried?
Shadow: I don't sleep, let alone sleep with my ally's prize. You people are foolish, you Found people you.
Timber: There you go with that found crap again.
Shadow: If you want to be Lost like me, just say so. I can arrange that ever so quickly.
Timber: I'll pass.
Waluigi: Where are the condiments at?
Taj: Excuse me?
Waluigi: Condiments, not condoms you idiot.
Taj: We don't have any of those.
Waluigi: You guys suck.
Taj: Hey, just remember that you aren't at home.
Waluigi: My home is better than this place.
Luigi & Peach: That was my line to say something fresh, but I think I'll save it for later.
Wario: Is there something wrong wit' m' house?
Peach: With your part no, but your brother's... Let's just say he needs better taste.
Waluigi: You can taste my dick in your mouth! {I wonder why the FCC let this line slide... Oh well.}
Shadow: remember what happened the last time you tried to do that? You almost got castrated.
Waluigi: Hey, don't read my thoughts Shadow.
Shadow: Okay, then maybe I should tell Peach what you just thought?
Waluigi: Uh, that's not necessary.
Peach: (\_/) What did he think?
Shadow: Oh nothing, just getting blown.
Peach: (mean look to Waluigi) I can always find my good friend Butch.
Waluigi: I'm not afraid of Butch.
Peach: Oh really?! (pulls Butch out from between her royal bust) Care to say that again?
Pipsy: (O_O) Where did that come from!?
Timber: Where did wha-- Oh sh...
Shadow: Timber, meet Butch.
Peach: It's amazing what you can put in your bra, Pipsy.
Luigi: Yeeh. I knew there are reasons why I don't grab her there. This is another one. {Tch, ya' think?} Peach, put that away!
Peach: Sure I will, but after Waluigi drops to his knees and apologizes.
Waluigi: Forget it!
Peach: Grab his arms Luigi and make sure he can't get free.
Luigi: Gotcha'!
Shadow: At least the race is going well...
Well is the right word for it, Shadow. Halfway through the second lap, the two racers were still close. Maybe Fuchsia's conscience isn't getting to her after all... [At the two tunnels, Fuchsia went right and TT went left. With the right pathway taken, so was the lead.]
TT: That mushroom is all washed up.
Fuchsia: So far, so good. I just might win this race. TT isn't even behind me... Uh oh! I'm losing it...
TT had crossed for a second time starting his final lap, but Fuchsia was a second later. All the way through this lap it seemed close, until TT used his Speed Shield to blaze through. When he got to the bridge, the stopwatch got a Slickpak and rung the bell. When Fuchsia exited the tunnel, she saw the bridge going up right in front of her eyes.
Fuchsia: Great, now I have to wait.
Shadow: Get in the water and go around.
Fuchsia: Thanks, Shadow.
[Fuchsia hopped into the water and went around, but she forgot to turn back onto the track. She turned around and found the track, but she lost time.] Going into the right tunnel again, TT didn't see fuchsia behind him.
TT: The drawbridge worked. The race belongs to me, Fuchsia. thanks for the race... and the win.
As TT exited the tunnel, Fuchsia entered it. She decided to finish the race, even though she knew she had lost.
Fuchsia: Oh well, I hope Mario doesn't yell at me. I really don't need that right now.
Taj: Here they come.
DK: What they? I just hear TT.
(TT swerved by DK, who was holding the flag and took it from the gorilla's hand as he crossed the line. A couple of seconds later, Fuchsia finally crossed the line)
TT: Hey Fuchsia, not bad for a beginner. You really had me thinking that there would have been a tie.
Fuchsia: (sigh) Thanks.
*
After the race was over, everyone went to the Mess Area for chow.
Fuchsia: I'm sorry about letting you down during that race Mario, I hope you're not mad at me.
Mario: Nah. Nobody wins all the time, Fuchsia. Shit happens.
Luigi: That course looked pretty tough anyway.
Pipsy: So explain to me again how you put that um... Butch in your bra?
Fuchsia: You put Butch where?
Peach: In my bra.
Fuchsia: How do you put something like that in your bra?
Peach: Very carefully.
Berri: Okay, I'm confused. Who is Butch and why is he in your bra?
Peach: (pulling butch out of her bra again) Berri, Butch. Butch, Berri. Any more questions?
Berri: Do you cut yourself doing that?
Peach: Naw. Besides, I already had my tetanus shots.
Berri: Whoa. I never thought a girl could put something as big and as sharp as a butcher knife in her bra. Peach must have tits of steel or somethin'.
Peach: No, not really Berri. But thanks for the compliment... even though you meant to think it.
Shadow: Well, I see that things are actually going good for both sides.
DK: What do you mean by that?
Shadow: Two is the magic number. Two flags is all that's needed for both sides; For Diddy and his crew to tie things up again and for myself and the rest of us to actually win this Race Wars. It's all coming down to the wire, isn't it Kong?
Diddy & DK: It sure is.
Shadow: Well, I guess I will see you later. Until then everyone.
Taj: Where are you going? The next race is starting after we're done eating.
Shadow: Yes, after you're done eating. I need not eat, so I will see you later.
(Shadow jumped into Toad's kart and headed to the other side. The captains and the judges watched him go, but didn't stop him. Mario just shrugged)
Taj: What was all that about?
Mario: Don't look at me, I don't know.
TT: I have no clue.
Krunch: Screw him. I'm eating up while the food is fresh. If you want to make him a doggie bag, be my guest.
Darion: Hmmm... I know where he's going. Nice trick Toad, but you can't fool me with that shadow routine. I know who you really are and I will prove it to everyone... right after this race.
RACE WARS TALLY
DKR-9 MKR-11
MKR
[Toad's house. The closet opens and there is a red hat with black spots on it. Toad's arm takes the hat, the black shoes and the orchid vest out. The hanger is empty for a few moments, then Toad's signature outfit goes on the hanger and into the closet. Toad's drawer opens and he takes out some red baggy shorts to match his hat. {More actual shorts huh? Good.} Toad is then seen in the mirror, wearing his red fit.]
Toad: Okay, All suited up and ready to roll. Aw man, my cue's hanging out. (tucks cue in and turns to see his backside) That's better. Ready Shadow?
Shadow: Of course.
Toad: Good. It's time to roll.
(Toad and Shadow teleported away.) Daisy walks through her castle thinking about what to do next.
Daisy: Man, Peach always gets to do the fun things. Now I feel bad... it's time to go shopping.
A little while later, Mario and the gang were at the usual, discussing you know what.
Luigi: So where are we going next?
Mario: Your guess is as good as mine, Luigi. Taj or DK have yet said anything on that matter.
Fuchsia: I don't care about the next race, I want my Toad back.
(ping)
Fuchsia: Ow!
Peach: (mocking) Toad, come home, I need you. Toad, please come back. My bed is too cold Toad, please hurry home. (*-_-) If you keep mentioning Toad one more time I'm going to slap the taste out of your mouth.
Fuchsia: B-but Peach, I miss him.
Peach: You sound like the women from YR Fuchsia. If I wanted to watch my soaps, I'll turn on the tv. Now look, I don't want to hear about Toad again for the rest of Race Wars.
Fuchsia: But...
Peach: I said no more whining about Toad! Sheesh, you're acting like he left you for another mushroom woman.
Fuchsia: But...
Peach: This is what happens when you only have sex three times in... What is it now, nine months?
Mario: Are you pregnant?
Fuchsia: No I'm not pregnant! Well, at least not yet anyway.
Shadow: Is she still complaining about Toad not being here?
Peach: More than ever, Shadow.
Shadow: Sheesh, I never though you would be a pain in someone's ass for this long. Get a hold of yourself, woman!
Luigi: I'm just surprised she hasn't offered entrance to those pearly gates yet.
Shadow: She's done that and boy did I feel uncomfortable about delivering the message to Toad. Look, I just talked to Toad today.
Mario: Where was he?
Shadow: At home, duh! He just went to change his clothes and then left to get his gift for "Cryous Hornious" over there.
Luigi: Great, Fuchsia's acting like a bitch in heat and her dog is nowhere to be found.
Peach: I hope Toad comes back soon, because if this keeps up, I'm gonna' have to beat the crap out of his girlfriend.
[Unbeknownst to them, Darion was listening to that whole chat under the bridge.]
Darion: What are you trying to prove now Toad? Hah, It doesn't really matter now.
Toad: Silly fool.
Darion: (Climbs up and stands on the bridge.) I know that you're Shadow in disguise, Toad. You aren't fooling anyone.
Toad: Do you really think so?
[Inside the castle]
Darion: What are you doing here!?
Toad: This is where I work.
Mario: Hey, that was Toad.
Peach: Everybody, outside!
[back outside.]
Darion: You're not the real Toad, you're just an illusion.
Toad: (laugh) What a fool you are. just because I've changed clothes doesn't mean that I'm not the real deal.
Darion: Nice trick Toad, or should I say Shadow?
Shadow: You should say Toad. (teleports in)
Darion: Nice trick.
Toad: Who's doing one?
Darion: You are.
Toad: If I'm doing the trick, then why are you listening to Mario's chat?
Darion: I'm more than just a racer, or didn't you know about that?
Toad: To be honest about it, I didn't know. Shadow didn't tell me.
Shadow: Yes. However, his being a spy isn't relevant to the wars now. A little advice... Never place your nose where it doesn't belong.
Darion: Take off that veil Shadow, show me your true face!
Shadow: As you wish.
[Shadow took off the black veil and showed his face to Darion. And of course, nothing was there.]
Darion: Tch, another mask. Take that off too.
(Shadow placed his hand in front of his face and quickly removed it. To his surprise, his own face was in it)
Toad: Darion, this will only get you nowhere. I'm leaving now... but just remember that you have no clue. (teleports away) Fool, you don't know anything about Shadow... except the fact that he isn't me.
[The gang shows up outside to see Shadow and Darion leering each other.]
Mario: Hey Shadow, what happened?
Fuchsia: Was Toad here?
Darion: He was here and he was wearing red.
Taj: Darion, there you are. We've been looking all over for you, it's nice to know that... Did I miss something?
Luigi: not much, but why are you guys here?
Taj: The next race is about to start on Rainbow Road. Come on, let's go.
*
Finally it was time for the race on Rainbow Road. I actually thought this would be the last race, but I guess both teams couldn't wait for it. Jugem was at the line waiting for the big decision.
Jugem: Hurry up Mario, make your choice quickly.
Mario: I'm thinking', I'm thinking'.
Shadow: No, you're not. This race belongs to me.
Mario: Shadow, you can't race here.
Shadow: Silence. I will not listen to you, nor you, nor you. I've waited a long time to do this and I shall wait no more. In your kart Darion, this race is ours.
Diddy: Just what do you think you're doing?
Darion: Relax Diddy, Shadow just wants to complete his mission.
Diddy: ...What mission?
Darion: Nevermind, just get out of the way.
Taj: But Darion...
Darion: I'll be fine, Taj. Just remember that fools rush in.
Shadow: Kind of like how you did before? {Touché!}
Darion: Let's do this!
[Darion and Shadow lined up at the line and Jugem was ready.]
Taj: Darion, I don't really give out favorites, but whoop his ass!
DK: Really now?
Taj: Oh, so you can laugh at Tip Tup but I can't say what I feel? Some judge you are Donkey Kong.
Darion: You're going to fail winning against me again Shadow, just like last time in Darkmoon Caverns.
Shadow: Let's see you prove that theory.
Darion: You won't beat me, Shadow. That I promise you.
Shadow: We've six thousand meters or race left Darion, don't get cocky before you start getting down to dueling.
Darion: Your tricks won't help you here, just like they didn't help you back then Shadow. This flag goes to the DKR Team.
Shadow: You may think so, but you're gonna' have to go through death itself first.
Jugem: You guys really have a lot to prove... now shake hands.
(Shadow and Darion shook hands)
Darion: Get ready to fail again.
Shadow: Welcome to your colorful Hell, Racer X.
Jugem: I've heard as much as I can take, get the hell going already!
[The two blazed off and down the hill they went.]
Jugem: Good luck to both of you....
[the two racers landed safely and headed down the stretch neck and neck. Into the first turn, Shadow picked up a lot of speed sliding into mini turbos, but Darion wasn't too far behind. After the first set of items, Shadow had a Shield while Darion a Slickpak.] (Darion fired away his slicks forward and Shadow shook his head)
Shadow: Nice, but it will only hurt you...
Darion: Don't think that you're taking pole easily Shadow, you're way ahead of yourself if you do.
Shadow: We shall see.
[On the next set of items, Shadow kept Darion from picking any up. However, he had to use his Shield to avoid being chomped.]
Darion: That serves you right.
Shadow: (gives raspberry) Pissed I see...
Around the circle they shifted pole many times, but when they left it, they were neck and neck again. The watchers in the booths away from the course knew it all.
Timber: Man, this course is long.
Luigi: It's the longest.
Diddy: How do you race this course without having a butt burn?
Mario: Don't ask.
Toad: Fuchsia, are you there?
Fuchsia: Toad... I'm right here.
Toad: Good, catch.
(A bouquet of long stem roses fell from the sky and into Fuchsia's open arms.)
Toad: It's not much, but it's the best I could do for leaving you waiting for so long. Fuchsia: (hearts in eyes) Thank you Toad.
Toad: No problem babe, now stop driving everybody nuts. I'll see you after the race Fuchsia, 'til then...
After crossing the fifth turn, missiles collided and exploded as the shift of pole changed.
Darion: Don't get cocky now Shadow, it's only the first lap.
Shadow: This ain't cocky, 'tis confidence.
Darion: I got your confidence right here. (fires a Homer)
{He shoots... he misses.}
Shadow: A futile attempt, but at least he thought it was worth it... That's all that matters to a racer.
The next turn resulted in a neck and neck race... (thunder strikes) At least it was until Darion used his Thunder Bullet.
Shadow: Misery loves company my friend.
[Darion laughed at it so much that he didn't see the chomp until it was too late and got bit. This caused Shadow to retie the match.]
Darion: I had to laugh...
Shadow: Too bad too, you could've had a great lead on me. Oh well, it's just the first lap...
Darion: The fat lady didn't sing yet.
The last two turns were neck and neck, but Shadow had a hard time keeping up since Darion kept getting Thunder Bullets. It seemed hopeless that Shadow would win, but the Lost never give up.
Darion: The second lap, and the lead is mine.
[Darion crossed the line first lap and Shadow crossed five seconds later.]
Shadow: In your words Toad, and I mean them with all do respect, "It's time for a little justice... Mushroom Justice."
[The Mushroom Justice theme kicks in.]
Shadow: Showtime.
The second lap came in and the MKR racers watched in disbelief as Shadow was trailing the race.
Diddy: Well Mario, your trumph card is a high one, but ours is higher than yours will ever be.
Toad: You misjudge too quickly, Diddy Kong. That was your big mistake and I shall prove it to you.
Diddy: HUH?
Toad: Open your mind, Kong.
Diddy: Toad!
Toad: As Darion once did, Shadow is only toying with Darion.
Diddy: Toying my ass.
Toad: Sorry, I only toy with Fuchsia's ass. I'll never swing that way Diddy Kong, it will be a cold day in Hell first.
Diddy: Shadow's lost again Toad and there's nothing that you, or Mario can do to stop Darion... Even on your own track.
Toad: You just sealed your grave...
Shadow was trailing a good ten seconds behind Darion and for once was starting to see a fatal flaw.
Shadow: I underestimated him again, but this time it's come back to haunt me.
Toad: Let me take control of the wheel, Shadow.
Shadow: You can't do this now, Toad.
Toad: Just give me the wheel.
Shadow: It's all yours.
[Toad placed his hands on the wheel and began to steer and managed to pick up a Timed Boost.]
Toad: Listen carefully, I want you to charge the boost. Just hole the fire button down with your right thumb.
Shadow: (placing thumb on fire button) Now what?
Toad: Left hand on the wheel.
[Shadow did what Toad said and Darion saw his rival going around the circle turn.]
Darion: Something's wrong here. He doesn't let me lead like this on purpose... It's a trap. But he doesn't know that I know that... well, if you can play the role, than I can play it better.
Shadow: He's caught on to the plan.
Toad: Even so, but he doesn't know that he's racing two people at once.
Shadow: He's one turn ahead of us now, what's the plan?
Toad: On my command, boost.
Shadow had a nice surprise on turn six...
Shadow: There you are, you just left the turn.
Toad: Boost now, and brace yourself.
Shadow: For what? (starts boosting) Oh shiiiiiit!!!
KT: Hey check it out, Shadow's boosting just like my cousin did at Everfrost Peak.
Diddy: Well, what do you know... Shadow might just have a chance after all. (swallowing pride) Hmf, so what if your cousin told Shadow how to use the boost that way, it's not like it will help them.
Conker: Actually, it did help him Diddy.
Diddy: (O_O) What?!
Conker was right, and what seemed like a one-sided race became even... At least until Darion hit his new Thunder Bullet which canceled the boost altogether. This cause a little tension in the booths as well.
Mario: (\_/) Hey, what is this blanket you're trying to pull over our eyes, genie?
Taj: I don't know what you're talking about.
Mario: Did anyone count the number of bullets that Darion used?
Thunder: I did.
(everyone turns around to see Yoshi Thunder)
Diddy: There's a pink one now?
Thunder: That's a shocking pink to you, monkey boy.
Peach: Yoshi Thunder, what are you doing here?
Thunder: Just watching the match and counting six Thunder Bullets.
Mario: Six, I counted five?
Thunder: I saw six of them Mario, and I don't like it one bit. A racer is lucky to get one of those things, three at the most. But there is no way a racer can get six bullets of lightning in just two laps. Something's foul here and all of you DKR racers have some explaining to do.
Mario: Someone's cheating and we all want to know who.
Diddy: We don't need to cheat to win against you guys.
Baby Mario: Not the way I see it.
DKR racers: HUH?
Baby Mario: Listen, you guys are down by two and have that "win at all costs" situation on your hands, it makes perfect sense to all of us.
Timber: How?
Baby Mario: All of you know that we need two flags to win Race Wars and you've decided to cheat just to save your sorry hides.
Diddy: How dare you accuse us of cheating?
Baby Mario: Because all of the clues point to you guys.
Conker: And what makes you so sure that you were the ones trying to cheat and your plan backfired?
Baby Mario: All we need is two flags, Diddy. Why would we cheat now when we can beat you, like we are now, fair and square?
Diddy: Why don't you answer that Mario, 'sides, you want everything to end so soon?
Mario: True, but I'll race clean before I cheat. And judging from the scores of this contest, we don't need to cheat.
Peach: They're both right. If we were going to cheat, we would have done it a long time ago. But we didn't, so you can't point the finger at us.
Taj: All of this arguing is taking out of the race! Let's just watch the race and discuss this afterwards.
Shadow crossed his final lap far behind Darion and was starting to admit failure.
Toad: Take the shortcut, Shadow. If you make it, then you're back in business.
Shadow: It's risky, Toad.
Toad: You're already behind Shadow, besides, you have nothing to lose... except your mission.
Shadow: .......
Toad: You don't have much choice, take the jump.
Shadow: (sigh) Here goes everything......
[Shadow hit a hard left and jumped over the side. Darion heard the other kart and looked to his left. The racers in the booth were stunned to see the jump.]
KT: Hey Mario, do you think Shadow can make it?
Mario: I really don't know KT, but if he does, we're back in the race.
Peach: Cross your fingers everyone.
Shadow tasted sugar in his sweat, as Darion was driving and looking at Shadow's kart as it flew towards his own. From Darion's point of view, it looked like Shadow missed, but he was wrong as Shadow landed safely, but hit Darion. The impact caused both drivers to spin out.
Jugem: Well folks, Shadow made it, but both drivers are down.
All: What!?
(Everyone looked at where Shadow had landed and saw a big cloud of smoke. This made everyone fear for the worst)
DK: I don't like the looks of that thing.
Taj: Let's just hope that those two are okay...
[When the smoke cleared, Jugem and Bobby were helping Shadow and Darion out of their karts.]
Shadow: Ow...
Darion: Thank you, R. You were really watching over me tonight.
Shadow: You're lucky to be alive.
Darion: You too.
Shadow: So I take it that this is a draw?
Darion: You said--er, thought it. (shakes Shadow's hand)
Jugem: DK, can you hear me?
DK: Loud and clear, Jugem.
Jugem: I know you didn't want to hear it again, but chalk up one flag for each side. You've got yourself another draw.
DK: Over. (to everyone) We have another tie.
Toad: Yes, we do. Diddy, Mario, these are for you. Catch.
(Two RW flags fell from the sky, just like the roses did and the team captains took one each)
Mario: Three races left, one flag to go. Even if we tie against you in any of these last races, we won Race Wars.
Diddy: We don't give up, Mario. We're racing you until the end of the line.
Mario: It's nice to know that you've got it in ya'. Good luck losing, Diddy.
Diddy: Good luck losing to too, Mario.
After the race, everyone had a good meal.
Mario: I can't believe you made that shortcut Shadow, that was cool.
KT: Yeah. It took major watermelons to do that.
Shadow: I don't have watermelons... I have "pumpkins"!
Luigi: Pumpkins are big.
Shadow: Not pumpkins, "pumpkins"!
Mario Bros.: Oh, "pumpkins"!
Shadow: Well, it was fun going back on the track once again for a seasoned veteran like myself. I had a great time going up against someone and calling him an equal.
Darion: I'm honored to be your equal.
Shadow: I know you are, Darion. Now it's time for me to go, my job is done here and my welcome has ended.
Darion: Shadow, will we ever race each other again?
Shadow: Maybe, only time will tell. (hops into Toad's kart) See ya' later DKR racers. Until next time, Racer X. (teleports away)
Mario: See you next time, Shadow.
[Off into the mountains, Shadow stood from the cliff and surrounded himself in a circle of fresh soil.]
Toad: It's time, Shadow.
Shadow: Of course.
[With the open stance, Shadow leaves and Toad returns.]
Shadow: With conquest over and foes defeated, I leave this realm... Mission completed.
(The fire that engulfed Toad, engulfed Shadow.)
[Late that night and Fuchsia looked out the window. She's sad since Toad didn't come back yet. She just sighed and walked away from the window and went into the bedroom wearing her pink robe.]
Fuchsia: Another night alone in bed... (sigh) Toad, you promised that I would see you after the race. You lied to me...
[Fuchsia opened the door and saw Toad in his white robe, sitting on the bed.]
Fuchsia: (hearts in eyes) There you are, Toad!
Toad: Of course--Wha!!
[Fuchsia dove right on top of Toad, knocking him on his back on his bed.]
Fuchsia: I'm so glad you're home, boy I missed you.
Toad: I can see that. I missed you too.
[Scene fades into the night sky from Toad's house.]
Fuchsia: Good, now drop your pants.
Toad: Excuse me?
Fuchsia: Drop your pants, Toad.
Toad: But what about-
Fuchsia: Do you want a blowjob or not?
(silence falls...) {I guess Toad found his key.}
Fuchsia: (giggle) Now lay back, relax and say, "Oh, yeah."
Toad: (caught breath) Ooooh yyyyeaaahh!
RACE WARS TALLY
DKR-10 MKR-12
almost done.....