RACE WARS
THE LAST RIDE
It was a frustrating morning on Yoster's Island thanks to the destruction of many tracks.
Umbra: You know, that Darkside really ticks me off.
Breeze: She destroyed your track too, Umbra?
Umbra: Yeah, she totaled it.
Screech: At least it didn't interrupt your date. I lost a good slice of poontang for that... I want my slice of poontang back!
Blaze: You should've done your homework when making your tracks, fellas. Like Frost, Thunder, Power and myself, we did our homework and ours were spared.
Quake: Women, I still say Shadow screwed her the wrong way.
Darkside: You stupid Yoshi. What part of me not having interests in men or women don't you get?
Quake: Not a damn one.
Blaze: Okay Darkside, I can understand you not liking women, you're straight as Robin Hood's quiver of arrows. But why you don't like men... You probably got raped when you were younger, or somethin' like that.
(Darkside turned away and left as the other Y Team members watched her go. After she left, they all looked at Blaze)
Umbra: Did you have to be so cold?
Blaze: I wasn't cold, bro. I asked that to many girls on the dates that I had and they answered me freely without insult... except one girl. She broke into tears because I was right. I don't know women, but Darkside probably went to cry... not because I was cold, no. It was because I was right. (silence was in the room and everyone looked at Blaze) Okay, I'll go find her and say I'm sorry.
With that said, Yoshi Blaze went off in search of Darkside.
MKR
Peach: Got any threes, Daisy?
Daisy: Go fish. (Peach takes a card) Fuchsia, have any queens? (Fuchsia hands Daisy her queen) Baby, have any fours?
Baby Mario: Go fish. (Daisy takes a card) Do you have a two, Toad?
Toad: Go fish.
Baby Mario: (takes his card) Yay, I got my twos!
Toad: (-_-) Lovely. Daisy, cough up the queens.
Daisy: I can't believe you had the last one. Drat! (Gives queens to Toad)
Toad: Thank you. Honey, do you have any aces?
Fuchsia: Take a card, honey.
Toad: (takes his card) Ah, the aces are a must.
Birdo: Do you have any sixes, Baby?
Baby Mario: Are you talking to me, or Yoshi?
Birdo: Yoshi, of course.
Yoshi: I would like to do one thing without having to yell at you with company around. Don't call me baby, Birdo!
Birdo: Do you have any sixes, or not?
Yoshi: No, go fish.
Fuchsia: Yoshi, have any deuces?
Yoshi: Go fish.
Fuchsia: So are you two enjoying life living together?
Yoshi: You act like I have a choice.
Peach: I didn't tell you to move her into your house.
Yoshi: Get used to her, marry her, get along with her. When this happens, you move the girl in with you, it's tradition!
Peach: Yoshi, it's the twenty-first century, not the days of King Arthur and the round table. It doesn't matter who moves in with who, but it matters on how people fare and evolve.
Yoshi: Kind of like how princesses should evolve into queens, huh?
Peach: ..... That's (!-_-) not what I meant.
Yoshi: I think the princess of the house of Toadstool has queen phobia.
Peach: Kind of like how you have Birdophobia?
Yoshi: At least I'm living with her.
Toad: Okay, okay, let's change the subject. How's the sex going?
Yoshi: She's bad in bed. {here it comes.}
Birdo: Oh it's me, huh? How come you're never in the mood?
Baby Mario: Gee Fuchsia, wasn't that how your sex life was with Toad?
Fuchsia: (*-_-) You need a spanking. Besides, my sex life is booming. But my sex life isn't the issue here, it Yoshi's.
Yoshi: Daisy, you tell me if this is bad.
Daisy: Go ahead.
Yoshi: I screw her by my own will once, and she's out of it in thirty seconds.
Baby Mario: Some virgin, huh?
Yoshi: Birdo ain't no virgin. She screwed me while I was sleep.
Birdo: I better do that again, it's the only way I'll be able to get any.
Yoshi: (\_/) I will whoop your ass!!
Peach: No you won't.
Yoshi: You're right, Peach. I'll tie her up and torture her with the totem stick I have.
All but Yoshi: Yeesh! Don't remind me, Yoshi.
Yoshi: Good. Now that the talk about sex life is over, it's your turn now, Fuchsia.
DKR
(Diddy races around the island in his kart)
Diddy: What is up with those Yoshi Team members? And what is up with that Darkside character? I just don't get her.
Shadow: You aren't the only one that doesn't get her, Diddy. I've been allies with her for years and I still don't get her. It took me just one year to gain her trust.
Diddy: So she's difficult?
Shadow: No, just hard as stone and old-fashion. She has her reasons to be this way, but she's never told me them. I guess some wounds should stay closed.
Diddy: But some wounds need to be opened up before they can be healed.
Shadow: You think I haven't told her that? I have, but she won't listen to anyone including myself. Something is clouding her past and she chooses not to reveal it, so I decided not to talk about it and respect her about it.
Diddy: Hmmm, I guess some things are left unmentioned.
*
In the peaceful sounds of the jungle, Donkey Kong relaxes at home with company.
Taj: I hope the Race Wars is going well.
DK: You said it, it's too bad that we have no control over it though.
Tiny: Donkey Kong, look did your son did to me!
(DK and Taj went into the living room to see Tiny Kong in tears. Her arms were over her chest and her hair was full of a sticky substance)
Taj: What happened to you, Tiny Kong?
Tiny: Three words, Donkey Kong Junior. Look what he did to me this time.
DK: You look like a mashed split.
Taj: What is this stuff in your hair?
DK: It smells like honey. Well, I don't see what's wrong with your pants.
Taj: Er, maybe you should look at Tiny's back.
(DK walked to Tiny's back and saw that the back of her pants were gone, revealing Tiny's orange jungle panties) {I like panties like that. Whatever, jungle woman.}
DK: Oh, wow. That's kinda' foul.
Tiny: I'm going home Donkey Kong, but talk to your son.
DK Jr.: There you are Tiny. Ooh, jungle orange huh? Nice panties, Tiny. I always knew you had such good taste.
Tiny: You're the biggest pain I've had in my life. What did I do to have you torture me like this?
DK Jr.: Nothing. But I told you enough times that I like you.
Tiny: What do I have to do to get you leave me alone?
DK Jr.: To be honest with you, just satisfy me.
Tiny: Satisfy you, what do you mean by that?
DK Jr.: Let me explain, Tiny. The one thing in the world that satisfies me the most is luring you into a trap that I've concocted. Picking on you makes me feel good, but if you want me to leave you alone, just give me a picture of you-
Tiny: That's it? All of this because you wanted a picture of me?
DK Jr.: Tiny, you didn't let me finish. Just give me a picture of you in your bra and panties. I like you in the banana yellow ones a lot, makes me want a chocolate covered banana every time I see it.
Tiny: Ooh you little pervert!
DK Jr.: Hey, I told you how to get me out of your hair for a while Tiny and that will do it. But if you don't want to...
DK: Son, this is no way to treat your cousin's girlfriend's sister. Apologize to Tiny this instant.
DK Jr.: I'm really sorry, Tiny.
Tiny: You really are?
DK Jr.: Yup. I'm sorry that I didn't take the front side of your pants either.
DK: Junior!?
(Tiny ran home crying)
DK: You really disappoint me, son.
DK Jr.: Like you didn't do this to Mom.
DK: I played tricks on her, but I never did what you did to Tiny to your mother. You're grounded mister, now go to your room.
MKR
It took a while, but Yoshi Blaze eventually caught up with Darkside.
Darkside: What do you want?
Blaze: Answers Darkside, just answers. Now what's up with you and the opposite sex?
Darkside: I don't want to talk about it.
Blaze: So you were raped? It shows by your actions Darkside, don't be so emotional about it.
Darkside: I said i don't want to talk about it.
Blaze: If you wish, Darkside. Anyway, I'm sorry if I offended you in any way.
Darkside: Don't be sorry for me, you just didn't know.
Blaze: Well I'm going to leave now, (runs away) but just keep in mind that some things can only be talked off of your chest. Later, Darkside.
(Darkside watched Blaze run off and soon went the other way)
Darkside: Maybe there's a little compassion in them after all...
Not too far away, a not so attached couple has a chat.
Birdo: Yoshi, I want to know.
Yoshi: About what?
Birdo: Why did you... do me that one night?
Yoshi: ... I had to.
Birdo: So Peach made you, huh?
Yoshi: No... I just had to. I'm still not sure why, but it had to be done.
Birdo: Be honest with me Yoshi, do you still want me to live with you... even though I've done you wrong as of late?
Yoshi: I don't have much of a choice.
Birdo: And if you did?
Yoshi: ........
Birdo: So you do want me around you?
Yoshi: Let's just say I've gotten used to you. Have you ever had a pain you couldn't live without?
Birdo: I still do.
Yoshi: Well, that's what you are to me.
Birdo: (^_^) I'll take that as a compliment.
Yoshi: Don't.
Birdo: Why?
Yoshi: Just don't.
Birdo: So, how can I please you in bed?
Yoshi: Come again?
Birdo: Another orgasm? I'll try.
Yoshi: Sick girl. That's not what I meant.
Birdo: Well, tell me Yoshi. I want to be a good bed partner to you.
Yoshi: Don't expect to have sex.
Birdo: So I take it that Kootie Pie was a better bed partner to you than I was? {Oops.}
Yoshi: Where did you get that idea?
Birdo: You really did have feelings for that Koopaling, didn't you?
Yoshi: She's not a Koopaling anymore and that went into manipulating her "size".
Birdo: So that's all you liked about her?
Yoshi: Birdo, I may be cold-blooded, but I like breasts like any other male. I'm not too parsh about crossbreeding either.
Birdo: So I--Wait, better not mention that.
Yoshi: Hmf.
(a brief period of silence)
Birdo: ..........
Yoshi: Don't be so demanding.
Birdo: Over what?
Yoshi: You said you wanted to be a good bed partner to me, so don't be so demanding.
Birdo: Will you ever um... do me again?
Yoshi: Maybe. Only time will tell, Birdo.
Birdo: Is that a "Yes?"
Yoshi: It's neither a yay, nor a nay. Only time will tell.
Birdo: Did you even like it when you did me?
Yoshi: You got KOed after thirty seconds, what was there to like? It takes about a minute to even start having sex, let alone liking it. {How true.}
Birdo: Am I even attractive to you?
Yoshi: I can't answer that question.
Birdo: Why not?
Yoshi: Because it's a trick question. Either way I answer it, you'll take it the wrong way... Hence, I can't answer that question.
Birdo: Do I have to get boobs to catch your attention?
Yoshi: Did she say "Boobs?" Stand up straight and tall. (Birdo complies) Two things. First of all, the word "Boobs" is eighteenth century. Update your torso slang, and second... You wouldn't look right with knockers on your chest.
Birdo: And you would?
Yoshi: Don't get funny.
Birdo: There's still a lot of this I want to talk to you about.
Yoshi: Maybe later, Birdo. But for now, let's get something to eat.
[scene; Peach's bedroom]
{Janne, what time did this episode run? 12:30, why? That would explain this scene. She's faking it.} [Luigi lays down on the bed while Peach takes a sip from the head of the straw.]
Luigi: You can sure say a mouthful when I'm tied up in these ropes like a chicken, but when I rope ya', talk is cheap. No more bondage or S&M for this princess. {I smell a lawsuit. You mean another one? I wonder what Nintendo has to say about this....}
Peach: Can I stop now?
Luigi: Aw, and you were doing so well... Okay, I'm not a mean boyfriend, you can stop. But you have to give Daisy back her whip first thing in the morning.
Peach: But Luigi...
Luigi: Maybe I'll keep you like this until I-
Peach: Okay, okay, first thing in the morning.
Luigi: Good--Hey, uncross your fingers. (Peach did so) And you toes. (Peach did so) And your legs.
Peach: Luigi Mario?
Luigi: Okay, you can get up now.
Peach: You have to untie me.
Luigi: I do, you really cant move if I don't?
Peach: Yes you have to untie me.
Luigi: Okay, I'm going. {Why wasn't this scene cut? They said it would be exciting. This isn't exciting, it's perverted! No it's not.}
(Luigi pulls out of Peach, covers his shame and goes to untie his bondaged girlfriend)
Peach: No more ropes for me, Luigi puts them on too tight. Oh, I can't have rope burns... Look what you did to me!
Luigi: Just a couple of rope burns, I can fix that.
Peach: Where's that whip at? {Oops!}
Luigi: Hey, I can still tie you back up.
Peach: Here it is. (cracks whip) Now it's payback time.
(Suddenly, the phone rings and Luigi sighs in relief as the princess goes to answer the phone)
Luigi: Saved by the bell. I better get outta' here before she's done talking. {Run boy, run.}
Peach: Hello?
Mario: Hey, Power wants to talk to us at the island. I'll meet you there... and tell Luigi to find my cologne that I let him use.
Peach: You mean the Old Spice in the white bottle?
Mario: Yeah, that's it.
Peach: He told me that was his.
Mario: That's not his, Luigi's is in the red bottle! Just tell him and I'll meet you two at the island.
Peach: Gotcha' Mario, see you later. (hangs up phone) Luigi, come on that was Mario, he said that--Hey, where'd he go. (*\_/) Lu-i-gi!!! {Oops, I did it again. No Brittany Spheres please.}
YI
Both teams met up on Yoster's Island to talk with Yoshi Power.
Power: Okay people, there are a lot of things that have happened since you started racing here on the island. Mainly, Darkside destroying the courses. Shadow probably tagged her guts the wrong way-
Shadow: Me, bash her guts? I wish, Power. I may have seen Darkside naked, and she has a body, but I never hit those. I wanted to and still do, but until she's willing... no dice.
Power: Oh. Well anyway, The sore of Race Wars is-
Timber: Get to the point already.
Power: (\_/) Shut the up, alright? {they finally blurred something out.} Now where was I before I was so-
Shadow: The score.
Power: Thanks, but don't interrupt. DKR: 4, MKR: 12. Now unlike everything else that has gone around here, I call the shots on this track. Now I've seen the whole contest and I've made my decision. Toad, TT, step forward. (both racers did so) You two will be racing on this course. Four flags are at stake here, so you better put your souls into this race.
Darion: Why are they racing?
Power: Because they were the ones to get the first flags for their sides. Now listen carefully, this is the last chance for your team to stay alive, TT.
TT: I know, I know.
Power: Toad, this is your chance to win it for your team. If you lose these four flags, don't fret. The game will be tied at eight and things will have to go into a shootout. (turns to the course) Welcome to Power Raceway. A little advice... This course is jam-packed with ninety degree turns, some are u-turns, some are s-turns and the rest are just turns. You will hit walls, so make sure you use the brakes. To the line, boys!
[Toad and TT lined up and reved up in their karts.] The race was about to begin and it seems like it's going to be it for the DKR racers. There was nothing but pressure on the stopwatch's gears, even he knew it.
TT: Looks like this is a must win situation for me. And if I don't the wars are over. Well, it's not over yet.
Power: Okay people, one more time. Get ready... get set... GO!
(Both racers zoomed off. Now playing, "Power Hour") Meanwhile at home, our dino couple is starting to repatch things up. Let's just hope it works this time.
Birdo: Yoshi, shouldn't you be at the island with the other racers?
Yoshi: I can still leave you know, Birdo. (Throws Birdo on the bed)
Birdo: OW, my tail. A bit softer please?
Yoshi: Whatever, now on lay back.
Birdo: (lays back) Okay, but you could at least tell me what's going... on? Are you on top of me for a reason?
Yoshi: Of course I am.
Birdo: (^_^) I'm getting layed tonight.
Yoshi: Not exactly, think of this as practice.
Birdo: Yoshi we're talking about sex, what is there to practice? {What a ditz!}
Yoshi: Performance for one thing, pacing for another and position for the last. These are the three Ps of sex.
Birdo: And the Qs are...
Yoshi: (laughs) I like that one Birdo. Now let's get down to business, now place your arms around me. (Birdo wraps her arms around Yoshi's ribs) That's a start, but go a little lower. (birdo wraps her arms around Yoshi's waist) That's a little too low.
Birdo: Forget about beginning holding, Yoshi. Here's where I put my arms around you. (wraps arms over Yoshi's shoulders)
Yoshi: At least we're getting somewhere. Now let's place your legs.
Birdo: Okay, I'll try. (wraps legs around Yoshi's hips) It's this right?
Yoshi: As Urtha Kitt would say, "Puuur-fect." Now angle yourself, Birdo.
Birdo: How?
Yoshi: Forty-five, no. One-thirty degrees. (Birdo angles herself) Good, now let's practice.
On lap two, Toad and TT were neck and neck.
Toad: This isn't going to last forever, TT. Admit it, you lost this race and the Race Wars for your team. The victory belongs to us, Team MKR.
TT: Nice try, but my victory here is just the beginning to the DKR destruction crew. First I'll tie the match and we'll takeover and win these wars, Toad. You ain't got nothin' on us, let alone me.
[Off the turn they went, crashing into the wall on the way around.]
Toad: Note to self, "Hit Power after race."
TT: I'll help you.
(both racers crashed into the next turn)
Toad & TT: Damn ninety degree turns!
[back in Yoshi's bedroom...]
Yoshi: You know Birdo, that wasn't that bad.
Birdo: What are you talking about, we didn't have sex yet.
Yoshi: Of course not, it was practice. Now, on your belly.
Birdo: Okay. (rolls over) How's this?
Yoshi: Good, now spread your legs and lift up your tail.
Birdo: Do I have to lift it up?
Yoshi: Are you going to put it another way... Okay, that works.
Birdo: Now what do you want me to do?
Yoshi: Lift your ass up.
Birdo: Doesn't that mean that I would have to stand?
Yoshi: Birdo, lift your ass up.
Birdo: But I don't want to stand up, I'm comfy like this.
Yoshi: That's great Birdo, now lift up your ass. {I get it, what about you?}
Birdo: But I don't want to move my body.
Yoshi: Not your body, just your ass.
Birdo: OH! (lifts ass up) Now why couldn't you say that in the first place?
Yoshi: (slaps forehead) Birdo, you're a ditz when it comes to sex. {Didn't I just say that?} Let's just move on. Now I'm going to mount you and we can practice once I'm there. (mounts Birdo)
Birdo: I'm not comfy anymore, you're on my spleen Yoshi.
Yoshi: Do you ever get tired of being a crybaby?
Birdo: Get off my spleen. (Yoshi shifts) Ah, I feel a little better now.
Yoshi: (d_b) Are you comfy now?
Birdo: Uh huh.
Yoshi: Good. Now can we practice?
Birdo: How many ways are we going to practice, and how many are we going to use?
Yoshi: All shall be practiced and we will see what will be used.
Birdo: Hold on, let me brace myself really quick.
Yoshi: This is practice!
Birdo: Bracing is a part of "Pacing", Yoshi.
Yoshi: Fine, but make it quick.
Back on the track, TT has taken the lead.
Toad: Hey, get your ass back here!
TT: Come and get me.
Toad: (\_/) Watch me. There's still a lot of race to go, I can still make it. This isn't over yet, stopwatch.
TT: Ah, the line is in sight. One more lap left and I'm winning, where's your "Mushroom Justice" now?
Shadow: You'll see it my friend, just you wait.
TT: You can't taunt me by reading my thoughts like you could before Shadow, why do you keep tormenting me?
Shadow: Say what you will, but don't think you'll get far.
TT: You know what Shadow, suck it!
(The race goes on)
*
[Yoshi's bedroom. Both dinos are practicing as said and Birdo is actually laughing]
Yoshi: You're having fun now, huh?
Birdo: (laughing) You're tickling me.
Yoshi: It tickles huh, it tickles?
Birdo: (laughing) Yes!
Yoshi: At least you're having fun.
Birdo: Please stop, this is... (laughing) this is torture. You're torturing me!
Yoshi: I haven't begun to torture you yet, Birdo.
Birdo: Yes you have.
Yoshi: If this is torture, she really won't be able to take the real thing. I hope the race is going well on the island...
The race was just about over and Toad had a very good lead. He had a very good fortune on his final lap, not crashing once. But Toad soon realizes that all good things come to an end. Toad was just about to win the race, when... (Toad's kart comes to a complete stop five hundred yards from the finish line. {What the hell happened?})
Toad: Aw man, tell me this didn't happen. This didn't happen... (looking at fuel gauge) it happened. I ran out of gas. WAHHHHHH! {Now doesn't that suck like a vacuum?}
Mario: (!U_U) I can't believe he ran out of gas.
Timber: (!-_-) That blows.
Bowser: No Timber, that is up!
Peach: I can't believe that Toad actually ran out of gas. (!-_-) We were so close to winning this and now look what happened?
Shadow: Toad, don't just sit there like a pile of fresh shit, push your kart over the line.
Toad: Got it. (Toad gets behind he kart and starts pushing it) I hope this works...
Toad's inspiration form Shadow actually worked, but it seemed like it failed since Toad's rival passed him by. (TT's kart was starting to slow down)
TT: Damn gas, I filled up my tank before I left. That's what I get for buying cheap gas. Techron my ass!
Both racers had run out of gas, but TT's kart came to a complete stop after his bumper hit the line.
TT: (^_^) Lucky me, I win!
Shadow & Toad: Lucky is right you little !
Mario: What a gip, we had it won.
Luigi: How do you think Toad felt?
Fuchsia: Oh well, it happens to all of us.
Pipsy: Not me.
Fuchsia: It's coming, don't worry.
Pipsy: Don't jinks me.
Power: Well folks, this is tied once again. Come on folks, it's time to go.
(Everyone left the track, Power holding Toad's and TT's karts over his shoulders. All, the bystanders and racers cleared the track and Power lowered the karts)
Power: Well, at least everyone is safe.
(Suddenly, a big explosion is heard and everyone ducks for cover)
Mario: Is everyone okay?
Diddy: We're all present and counted for. Hey, where's Power?
Power: My track! Look at it, my track's in flames.
Darkside: I don't appreciate being lied to, Yoshi. Those who lie shall be cast stray by The One's judgment. I am the one... and my judgment is destruction.
Breeze: Okay you, this has gone far enough. You've destroyed many a track and this goes on no further... YOU WILL BE STOPPED AT ALL COSTS!
Darkside: Well, well, well, the gang's all here? (the other Yoshis whose track were obliterated by Darkside stood tall and Power joined them) Pretty.
Umbra: It's time for a little restitution from you Darkside, and it's not going to be pretty.
Stealth: You're going down, Darkside.
Screech: I don't mind a little intrusion, but what you did to me was far beyond the reaches of reason.
Darkside: Really? And what are you going to do about this, hmmm? What are you going to try and do to me?
Power: (\_/) We're going to kick your ass!
Darkside: I do not think so.
Breeze: Just watch us!
Yoshi: Shadow, is it possible for them to actually beat Darkside?
Shadow: No one can beat one who is Lost, but to weaken one of the Lost is possible. However, they cannot weaken her.
Yoshi: Can you?
Shadow: NO.
Toad: I can... but this isn't my battle, it's theirs. Yoshi, your brethren will learn the hard way about dealing with Darkside. Power may be strong, but his strength is that of a mere ant when it comes to Darkside. AND SO, THE SHOWDOWN BEGINS...
RACE WARS TALLY
DKR-8 MKR-8
end of first part.....
Luigi: Hello everyone, I'm Luigi Mario. Due to the last episode and the rain of complain mail, I am here to issue this warning: If there are any peoples young and old who can't stand the explicit material being showed, turn the channel now. If you're watching and someway along the show you say to yourself, "I can't watch this no more.", then watch something like um... say, The Powerpuff Girls. If you can watch it, watch it. If not, watch Cartoon Network... Well, enjoy the show... if possible.
(Darkside stands alone against Power, Stealth, Umbra, Breeze and Screech)
Fuchsia: Tell me this isn't how it looks?
Shadow: How do you think it looks?
Fuchsia: It looks like a five on one battle.
Toad: That's actually what it looks like.
Darkside: So all of you wish to do battle with me, huh?
Breeze: Yes, we want to kick your ass.
Darkside: As you wish, but I warn you... my powers aren't to be taken lightly.
Stealth & Umbra: Whatever.
Darkside: Cute. Now, which of you is up first?
Stealth: I'll go first.
(Stealth steps up to Darkside)
Darkside: The first half of the IWF Tag Team Champs huh, well this isn't wrestling match, but pure combat.
Stealth: I've been in combat before, this shouldn't be too hard.
Darkside: You have no clue. Right.
Stealth: Here we go lady.
(Stealth charges towards Darkside and gets blasted)
Yoshis: Stealth!
Fuchsia: That's gonna' leave a mark.
Stealth: (x_x) Ow.
Darkside: Who's next?
Umbra: I'll deal with this.
Darkside: Good, the other half. I hope you're more of a challenge than Stealth was.
Umbra: Okay, let's try this again. I hope I can make a good fight out of this for you.
Darkside: So do I, Yoshi. Let's go.
Umbra: No, you come to me.
Darkside: (disappears) As you wish.
[It shows a side scene of Umbra guarding and suddenly four slashes on a black screen, each in a direction of a compass and behind the black dino reappeared Darkside. The star of slashes appeared and Umbra dropped to the ground.]
Fuchsia: (O_O) Someone tell me what just happened?
Shadow: The Nightstar Slash. This is rather nasty Fuchsia, since everyone, including myself, who have taken this blow can only drop to the ground. You're in so much pain that you can only drop and pass out.
Frost: Hey guys, be careful of that move. It's a real bitch.
Darkside: Don't interfere!
(launching a beam at Frost and missing, the light blue dino gets a little agitated)
Frost: Hey, knock it off.
(Frost then threw his stars at Darkside. Hearing them, Darkside turned around and caught them, then they exploded. The explosion actually sent Darkside skyward with a painful expression in her eyes)
Toad: What do ya' know? They actually fazed her.
Shadow: Those stars actually packed a punch! This is the first time I've ever seen anything actually hurt her. (turns head to Frost) Maybe something can actually weaken her...
Frost: Listen you crazy girl, I don't know what your problem is, but your beef is with them, not me. Focus yourself, woman!
Fuchsia: Not to be nosy, but where did you come from?
Toad: That's what I want to know.
Frost: I saw Darkside coming this way, so I followed her. In addition to that, I took some ot Yoshi's stars.
Toad: Those are Yoshi's stars?
Fuchsia: Don't you mean were Yoshi's stars?
Frost: Yes, but that's not the point. I've been watching this for some time now and I must say this, she would make a loving girlfriend for you Shadow... If she were interested in men that is.
Darkside: More intrusion, great.
Screech: Hey Darkside, I want to know something. Why are you destroying all of our tracks? We put a lot of heart into making those, why make worth nothing?
Darkside: You should've thought about that before you tried to take over this competition. And you think I'm bad? Look at yourself, all of you!
Screech: This makes no sense, none at all. You two can stay here if you want, but I'm out of here. Because no track is worth fighting for, you guys. (leaving) What a bunch of crap, I don't want any part of this. I'll just make my track again.
[As Screech ran away, Darkside pursued him.]
Darkside: Running scared are you? Don't chicken out, share the fate with your brothers!
(Darkside struck Screech in his back, which made the brown dino wail in pain) What a wail. It was heard even by Yoshi at his house, who stopped practicing.
Birdo: What are you doing?
Yoshi: I'm going to the island.
Birdo: But things were going so well...
Yoshi: I know, but I have to go. I promise I'll make it up to you later, you can stay here or come along.
Birdo: Fine gimme a couple of minutes.
*
Mario: That went well.
Toad: Yeah, real well.
Peach: You know Yoshi, where were you all of this time?
Yoshi: Practicing.
Fuchsia: Practicing what?
Yoshi: the way to get rid of the problems that you and Toad once had.
Fuchsia: Are you talking about bed, or cooking?
Mario: Or cooking in bed?
Yoshi: Cooking.
Peach: And what were you cooking?
Birdo: Poontang Pie. {lol!}
All: Really?
Birdo: Sure were, (pulling out the pie) want some?
Toad: I do.
Fuchsia: No, you don't.
Toad: Yes I do.
Fuchsia: I'll give you a slice later, but we have to figure out how we're going to break this tie.
In the jungle, the two judges caught some unwanted monkey business going on.
DK: I thought I told you to stop messing with her, son?
DK Jr.: But Dad, you said I should kiss and make up with her.
DK: Yes, kiss and make up, not kiss and make-out.
Diddy: Hey uncle, what's going--(gasp) Junior?
Dixie: Tiny, Mom said you were exempt from seeing him. Why are you still going it?
Tiny: I want more from Junior.
Kongs: Wasn't once enough?
Tiny: No!
Dixie: Get dressed, I'm taking you home and putting you in a cage, Tiny.
Tiny: But sis?
Dixie: No buts, get dressed.
Tiny: Fine, but could you all leave?
DK: You're in the middle of my living room.
Tiny: Okay fine, I'll go. (heads to the back)
Diddy: We should call Junior, Horny Kong. {lol, Horny Kong!}
DK Jr.: Ah Diddy, you're just mad because I got some ass and you didn't.
Diddy: This isn't about ass.
DK Jr.: Right, like last night when you wished Dixie would lay you this weekend? {Oops!}
Dixie: Diddy?!
Diddy: Well, a guy can dream, can't he?
DK Jr.: Does dreaming involve masturbation? Diddy: I don't know what you're talking about. DK Jr.: Of course you wouldn't, so I decided to tape this occasion after catching you in the act.
(DK Jr. pulls out a tape recorder and plays the tape) Tape: Ah Dixie. Oh Dixie, let's go a little faster. Stop playing with me, you know this should be taken seriously. Oh god, I want this to last forever. I wonder how long this is going to take? I hope no one see me doing this, it's so degrading. God, let's go a little faster. Oh, how long does it take to come anyway? {Busted, lol! Oh it's greatness.} (DK Jr. stops the tape) Dixie: (*\_/)You damn dirty ape?! Diddy: Actually I'm a chimp, but I'm not-- Dixie: That was really bad. DK Jr.: Well Dixie it's like they say, "Misery loves company." (plays tape again) Tape: Deeper, deeper, go deeper Diddy. Ooh, a little further... there it is, now pick up a little speed now. Oh... I'm glad I'm out here in the middle of nowhere all alone by myself. What would my sister say If she saw me doing something like this... I wonder what she would say, or think. (DK Jr. stops tape again and Dixie is red in the face) Tiny: And you hound me for this? Some example you are, Dixie. DK Jr.: Yeah, especially with her butt up in the air like that. Made a guy like me horny, with all of your gushing and junk... you looked like a slut while masturbating. Dixie: The key here is abstinence. DK Jr.: Prevention is good, but explain this. (plays tape again) Tape: Diddy, punish me and punish me good. {ppppppt, lol!} I've been a bad, bad, girl. A very bad girl... punish me like I'm asking for a death wish. (DK Jr.: stops the tape) Diddy: Sadomasochism? And I'm the "Damn Dirty Ape" eh, Dixie? Dixie: No, no, no, that's not what I meant. Diddy: Would you clarify? DK Jr.: Yes, please do. Dixie: (!^_^) Well... Tiny, when you and Junior lost, er, took each others virginity, did it hurt? Tiny: At first, but only because he broke my hymen. After that it felt better, even though it felt like torture. Dixie: See, sex hurts. That's what I meant by punishing me. Diddy & DK Jr.: (folded arms) Yeah right. Dixie: Help me out here, DK. DK: I'm not getting involved. Diddy: You're really sick when it comes to sex, Dixie. Dixie: Diddy, this isn't about our love life, but Junior's sex life. Tiny: Well, you two set a bad example for us. Diddy & Dixie: You set your own bad example! DK: Kids, kids, let's get back on task now.
Diddy: No, let's settle this now. We tried to set a good example about things. You two did it, not us! DK Jr.: So when does who I have sex with matter to you? Diddy: You screwed my girlfriend's sister, of course it matters to me. Dixie: How could you let my boyfriend's cousin screw you? Tiny: I just wanted him off of my back, but I realize now that I actually got turned on by it. Dixie: You have some strange turn-ons, Tiny. Tiny: At least I don't have a masochist mind like you do. DK Jr.: Face it Diddy, you're just mad that I make love better than you do. Diddy: You lousy little ! I can make love to Dixie better than you can to Tiny.
(Both Kong sister looked at the feuding cousins{This is about to get juicy. Here we go. Where's that digital camera at?}) DK Jr.: Is that so? Diddy: Yeah! DK Jr.: Tiny come here please. Tiny: (Walks to Junior face to face) Yes Junior? DK Jr.: Be so kind as to turn around and bend over please? Tiny: Okay.
[As Tiny's back faces Junior, she bends over and touches her toes. Junior the began to undo Tiny's pants.] Diddy & Dixie: What's going on here? DK Jr.: What's wrong Diddy, can't put your money where your mouth is? Diddy: You must be joking? DK Jr.: If you say so Diddy, but if you don't want to prove what you just said... Dixie: What are you trying to prove by all of this? Tiny: To think there's actually something that my fearless sister is afraid of... Dixie: Don't mix fear with stupidity, Tiny. Tiny: Dixie, This is with the boy that you love, don't be afraid. Unless... you want him to hurt you. DK Jr.: Stand up and lift your arms. Diddy: It's not like I don't want to, it's just that... that... I don't have any condoms. DK Jr.: Here, catch.
(Junior, threw Diddy three latex rubbers) DK Jr.: Are there any more excuses? Dixie: I don't have a diaphragm. Tiny: I think I brought an extra one. Check my pants would you, Junior?
(Junior searched the left pocket and found Tiny's red "pad" and gave it to her. In the left pocket, a plastic container and Junior pulled it out.) DK Jr.: Tiny, what's this thing? Tiny: That's my other diaphragm soaking in spermicide. And it's never been used. Now that there are no more intrusions... DK: Ahem, you forgot that we were here. DK Jr.: Candy called while you were out Dad, she said she wanted to see you right away. DK: Really? I don't believe that. DK Jr.: Go see her if you think I'm lying... DK: Fine, let's go Taj.
(The judges left) Diddy: Dixie, look. If you feel cocky about doing this, then I- Dixie: (forefinger on Diddy's lips) Look. let's just get this over with, okay? Diddy: You're okay with this? Dixie: Not really, but it's something we've both have been waiting to do for a long time. Besides, I love you. Tiny: Hey "Juliet", bend over and get ready. Diddy: Are you sure about this? (Dixie nods) Okay, let's do it.
MKR
At the castle, Mario and the gang discussed the current problem.
Peach: I don't get it, what is up with Darkside?
Baby Mario: Yeah, she has a serious ego trip?
Mario: I don't know, but I hope Shadow can talk some sense into her.
Yoshi: I can't believe that she clobbered the Y Team without breaking a sweat. That was a lot of effort to do alone.
Birdo: She's cool. But was it really worth it all?
Baby Mario: Yeah. Screech had a good point, why fight over a track you can always rebuild? She's confusing and maybe a bit der-ringed.
Luigi: That's deranged Baby Mario.
Peach: Where's Toad at, he should've been here already?
Yoshi: He's probably still at home Peach, but if you're worried why don't you just call him?
Peach: That's a good idea.
[Peach did that and the phone rings at Toad's house. Fuchsia picks up the phone with closed eyes.]
Fuchsia: Hello.
Peach: Hey Fuchsia.
Fuchsia: Hi Peach, how are you?
Peach: Good. Where's Toad?
Fuchsia: He's here, but a little busy at the moment right now.
Peach: Doing what?
Fuchsia: You don't want to know. {I smell a joke.}
Peach: Keep in mind that I'm your monarch Fuchsia, now let's try this again. Is Toad there?
Fuchsia: Yes.
Peach: Let me talk to him.
Fuchsia: He's busy.
Peach: Busy doing what?
Fuchsia: You don't... want to know.
Peach: ...Okay, let's approach this differently.
Fuchsia: Okay.
Peach: Is Toad there?
Fuchsia: Yes.
Peach: May I talk to Toad?
Fuchsia: Not right now.
Peach: Why not?
Fuchsia: Because he's busy. {I told you.}
Peach: Well, interrupt him.
Fuchsia: (shaking her head) This can't be interrupted.
Peach: Why not?
Fuchsia: Because it will throw him off of his schedule.
Peach: Can it wait 'til later?
Fuchsia: No it can't.
Peach: What is so important that it can't wait? Is he dressed?
Fuchsia: Fully clothed.
Peach: Then what's he doing?
Fuchsia: You don't want to know. {Peach is now pissed. Tch, ya' think?}
Peach: Let's try this one last time. Put Toad on the phone.
Fuchsia: And for the last time, he's busy.
Peach: Busy doing what? And tell me this time, I do want to know!
Fuchsia: He's eating me out.
(Silence.......)
Fuchsia: Hello, are you still there?
Peach: Yes I am.
Fuchsia: I told you that you didn't want to know.
Peach: Well, make him stop for a minute, I want to talk to him.
Fuchsia: (*-_-) Listen, I don't bug Luigi while he eats your dick-pounded pussy, {LOLOL. Roasted!} why do you want to mess with Toad for?
Peach: Now wait just one minute...
Fuchsia: No you wait. This is a first for me, not to mention Toad and he's not leaving until he's done eating. (hangs up)
[The whole thing is shown now. Fuchsia laying down on the bed with her legs open and over Toad's shoulders. Toad, head between Fuchsia's legs bobbing up and down while laying on his belly. {. He's eating all right.} Fuchsia's hands on Toad's head.]
Toad: What did Peach want?
Fuchsia: You of course, but you can't leave yet until you eat me. And you better eat me right!
[Peach hangs the phone up on the other side and crosses her legs to the right.]
Yoshi: You look like you caught someone on their mood swing.
Luigi: What's up with Toad?
Peach: (uppity) He's eating Fuchsia.
Birdo: Lucky girl, I want to be eaten out.
Yoshi: No way, you taste bad.
Birdo: (\_/) I taste bad, you never ate me before?
Yoshi: And I won't, you taste bad.
[Back at his house, Toad's on top of Fuchsia, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.]
Toad: I have to do that more often, it was good.
Fuchsia: Yeah it felt nice.
Toad: Well, I'm headed for the castle.
Fuchsia: Kiss me before you go.
Toad: Okay.
Fuchsia: Wait, not my face.
Toad: Where at?
Fuchsia: My crotch.
Toad: If I kiss you down there, I'll have to knock you up.
Fuchsia: ...See you later, Toad.
Toad: Bye.
(Toad gets off of Fuchsia and leaves the room)
Fuchsia: Give him an appetizer, he wants the whole meal. (rubs her leg) Ew, his saliva's on my inner thigh. Thanks a lot Toad, now I have to shower.
Over at Donkey Kongs house...
Diddy: Whoa, what a rush.
DK Jr.: I can't believe we tied.
Diddy: I can't believe this was a draw.
Dixie: Tiny, what do you think?
Tiny: I think I need a smoke.
DK Jr.: Well, I have some more condoms. Now we can switch girls.
Dixie: You're nasty Junior, real nasty. {Can't say it better.}
Diddy: You can't have Dixie, so you might as well call it a draw.
DK Jr.: Okay, it's a draw.
Back at the castle, almost everyone was on someone's lap. Peach was in Luigi's lap, Daisy in Mario's lap, Baby Mario even had Carmine on his lap, though she was sleeping. Birdo was the only girl not on anyone's lap.
Peach: Come on Yoshi, put Birdo on your lap.
Yoshi: No way, she stays off of my lap.
Peach: Is her sitting in your lap going to kill you at all in any physical way?
Yoshi: ......No.
Peach: Birdo, sit on Yoshi's lap.
Yoshi: You better not.
Birdo: Yoshi, me sitting on your lap is one of things that you have to get used to doing with me. It'll help us coexist better. (Yoshi turned his head) Oh come on Yoshi, just this once. If you don't want me to sit on your lap again, I won't.
Yoshi: (quick breath) Fine, fine, come on. It will keep you out of my ass for a while.
(As Birdo sat in Yoshi's lap, Toad walked in the door and observed this)
Toad: And I forgot to bring my camera too, oh well.
Peach: So how was your meal Toad?
Toad: I liked it. I should do that more often to Fuchsia... if she wants me to do that again, that is.
Peach: I see.
Toad: Don't be mad at her, Peach. You just caught her off guard, that's all.
Peach: (-_-) Yeah, Yoshi said she was having a mood swing.
Toad: She probably was. Anyway, why did you call me here for?
Mario: We have to discuss how we're going to end the racing wars.
Peach: I'm open to suggestions, since I have no idea how we're going to do this.
Birdo: "How" isn't the question, it's "Where" you will be racing.
Luigi: Good point.
Toad: It doesn't really matter to me now.
Gang: Why not?
Toad: Because racing in specific spots on either side will give that side an edge. Myself, I say we should take all of our eight flags and race for keeps.
Mario: I like this so far, go on.
Yoshi: Yeah.
Toad: I say we risk our eight flags with theirs and have one last race, winner takes all.
Peach: That's a great idea.
Daisy: But where are you going to race at?
Toad: Huh?
Daisy: You said it yourself Toad, where are we going to find a course that both sides have no clue on what to do?
Luigi: I'm not sure where, but I do know this. Mario should drive this final, and I do stretch the word, final race of Race Wars.
[Scene, outside.]
Toad: Then it's settled, we wager all of our flags and let Mario take us home.
Darkside: Your wish just might come true Toad...
DKR
Diddy made it back as Shadow was sitting on the beach.
Shadow: How does one end a race? A race so close that it must be decided, but can't be? I wonder... Maybe this book will be never ending. An ongoing book with no end, this confuses many a reader who read the book and many a writer who must finish the book.
Diddy: What are you talking about?
Shadow: So I see your back from your sex contest?
Diddy: How'd you know I got laid?
Shadow: Because I saw it. Now, how would like Race Wars to come to an end?
Diddy: Simple. One last race to determine the winner, one last course to race, one last chance to give it all you got and ever had... One... last... ride.
Shadow: This sounds promising. And how would you decide who would do this last ride?
Diddy: No deciding, I would participate in the last ride of course.
Shadow: Against Mario?
Diddy: Hopefully... if he's up to it.
Shadow: And where would you race?
Diddy: I don't know.
Timber: Diddy! Diddy! Diddy, there you are.
Diddy: What's wrong man?
Timber: Our flags, they've been... I mean they're.... well they aren't here.
Diddy: WHAT!?!?!?!
Timber and Diddy went to the place where the RW flags for the DKR side were placed and there was nothing there.
Diddy: Man, there isn't even a trace.
Shadow: When did this happen?
Timber: Just recently.
Shadow: ...........
Timber: What's wrong?
Shadow: She's here, and gone again.
Diddy & Timber: Who?
Shadow: Darkside.
*
Shadow went to find Darkside and succeeded, but she didn't have the flags with her.
Shadow: Where are they, Darkside?
Darkside: Where are what?
Shadow: The RW flags won by the DKR racers?
Darkside: Oh, those things. They're safe and sound, as are the MKR flags.
Shadow: Is this some kind of joke?
Darkside: Not at all. See ya.
Meanwhile, things were starting to look bad for the DKR racers.
Pipsy: How you guys seen her?
Bumper: Not at all.
TT: Same here. (sigh) Let's face it, they're gone.
Diddy: Yeah, and to think that we worked hard for the-
(Diddy had vanished before their eyes)
Bumper: Can someone explain to me what happened?
MKR
Mario: Okay, I'm getting a bad taste in my mouth from all of this, so let's wrap it up. None of you found the flags? (everyone shook their heads) Hmm, I wonder where they went?
Luigi: Yeah, it's not like they could've just vanished into thin air...
(poof)
Luigi: What was that?
Peach: What was what?
Luigi: That poofing sound?
Toad: Teleportation.
Shadow: (teleporting in) I have some news. Darkside has the flags, all sixteen of them?
Peach: She took Diddy's flags too?
Shadow: Yes and she has both captains as well. I couldn't pinpoint the location, but I've been banned from the area by Darkside.
Daisy: Darkside's responsible for this?
Shadow: Yes.
Timber: Hey you guys, do you know where Diddy went? He vanished into thin air?
Shadow: Diddy and Mario are with Darkside.
Timber: Oh. Well where are they at?
Shadow: Uncertain.
Peach: Hey, look at this everyone.
[Peach held a purple envelope in her hand and opened it.]
Fuchsia: What's it say?
Peach: A last ride, two veterans, one shall be a victor at the beginning. {It's Haiku.}
Fuchsia: Interesting poetry.
Luigi: That's poetry?
Fuchsia: (O_O) Toad, where did all of you meet from day one?
Timber: You mean before the Race Wars began?
Fuchsia: Yes.
Timber: At the portals.
Shadow: I get it. At the portals to the other side is where we must wait until someone comes out with sixteen flags. Timber, assemble your friends and meet up at the crossroads.
Timber: Gotcha' Shadow, loud and clear.
Shadow: Let's move everyone.
Unknown
In a place unknown, Diddy and Mario sit in their karts, waiting...
Mario: Do you know where we are?
Diddy: I was kind of hoping you knew.
Mario: Haven't a clue.
Darkside: As you shouldn't. (approaching the two) Welcome to The Night.
Diddy & Mario: The Night?
Darkside: Exactly. here you will decide who wins Race Wars.
Mario: Where's the track at?
Darkside: You're already at the line. Diddy: I just see two lights, one on each side of the road. It looks like we're on a runway.
Darkside: That's all you're going to see. The two of you are already at the starting line, so I might as well explain the race. The Night it a course the lives up to saying, "Let the light guide you." And the two lights on each side of the road are all that you can see.
Mario: So how many laps are we doing?
Darkside: No laps.
Diddy: I don't get it.
Darkside: You have to reach the end of the lights. Where the lights end, the race ends... and it will take you back to where it all began. As for the flags... there is only one flag now. It's at the end of the lights... the first one to it, gets it. Your only advice, stay in-between the lights. Should you fall off... you will fall into limbo, where you will remain forever. This could be the end of Race Wars, you, or both. (laugh) Whenever you both are ready...
Diddy: Ready whenever you are, Mario...
Mario: I was going to say that about you.
(Both racers lined up and took a deep breath)
Diddy: I'm ready now.
Mario: Me too. Let's get this over with, Darkside.
Darkside: Good-bye gentlemen. Go when you see the green light.
[Now playing, "Darkside's Theme".]
Mario: good luck, you'll need it.
Diddy: Same to you, Mario.
The two waited and after the green light flashed, and after being blinded for a few moments, both racers drove off. Meanwhile at the crossroads, everyone waited for the winner.
Taj: Now how long are we going to wait here?
Shadow: We wait here until the winner shows up.
Krunch: And how long is this supposed to take?
Shadow: It's going to take a while, so you might as well grab lunch... and dinner as well.
Krunch: (walking away) See ya'.
Taj: Hey, get back here-
Shadow: Let him go, he'll be back. At least we won't have to deal with him.
Back at the race...
Mario: We've been going straight for almost two minutes now, when are we going to do any turns?
Diddy: What is this, straightforward? What kind of track is that?
[finally a right turn, short, but a turn nonetheless. A hard right came up followed by an medium S-turn.]
Racers: Finally, some turns!
And far away, Darkside watched the race.
Darkside: Hmmm, interesting. This race tests all aspects of racing. First, speed. A long straight-away to rev up your speed, making full potential of your kart. Next is turning, a few easy turns, more medium one and a lot of hard turns. Control is the key. Next, I will test drafting. You should be coming up to the narrowing road where you must travel in a single file... Ah, right on time.
Diddy: Hey, what's up with the road?
Mario: The road's thinning, line up behind me.
Diddy: Fine.
(Diddy lined up behind Mario and they went through the series of divided roads and switched lead a lot. The road finally widened)
Mario: Great, now we don't have to line up anymore.
Darkside: True, but now you have a choice to make. Three ways, one path to limbo, two ways to continue the race... Good luck.
[The two made it to the crossroad with the three roads before them.]
Diddy: Do you know where to go?
Mario: Even if I did know which way leads best, I wouldn't tell you.
Diddy: Fine, but don't follow me.
(Diddy drove down the middle path. Mario sighed and took the left path)
Meanwhile, things are going slow as everyone is still waiting.
Toad: Have you any ideas?
Taj: Nope. What about you?
Peach: This sucks, I hope they finish up soon.
Baby Mario: Can we eat now?
Taj: Not until both sides come back.
Baby Mario: Daisy, will you wake me up when it's time to sleep?
Daisy: Sure Baby.
Peach: Shadow, can you find them yet?
Shadow: No, I can't reach them, it's useless. We'll just have to wait.
Luigi: I just wish we could get an update on how the race is going.
Diddy was having a good way and he came upon a forked road with two choices.
Diddy: Well, it's time to trust your instincts..... got it.
Using his gut, Diddy took the left road instead of the right. Just a few moments after Diddy went down, Mario soon came down the road and without thinking, took the same path as Diddy did. Mario: Great, I didn't even get to choose which way to go. Oh well, no time for turning back now. If I keep up this pace, I might catch up to, or extend my lead over that chump chimp.
(Two left turns later, Mario caught up with Diddy)
Diddy: What took you so long?
Mario: What are you talking about, I was right behind you.
Diddy: I told you not to follow me.
Mario: I didn't, be the lengths we took were about equal to me. Now stop complaining and let's get down to business.
The two racers found themselves going up a hill and at the hilltop sat the flag.
Diddy: There's the flag.
Mario: This race is almost over.
The flag seemed in close, but the lights turned away from the flag as both racers seen.
Mario: I feel lucky, what about you?
Diddy: I see you wanna jump the track to the flag as well? Well, you better beat me to it.
[Darkside watched on her monitor and heard everything.]
Darkside: This is unexpected... both of them heading for limbo in one jump? This is foolish among mortal men, but these two feel they're immortal. We shall see which one decides them, yes.
(Both racers charged at full speed towards the flags. Darkside's excited expression on her eyes was priceless as they jumped off the track to the flag)
Darkside: Here we go.
(The two were really close to the flag, but the monitor went out)
Darkside: Nooooo! (Checking the monitor) Oh, it's just the tape. It's out of time and I can't quickly rewind to catch the finish. Oh well.
[Scene, Crossroads.]
DK: I hope this race ends soon, I'm growing restless.
Krunch: Well, what did I miss.
(Suddenly, the two racers showed up and stopped right in front of them all)
Mario: Hey, we're back.
Diddy: What a gip, I didn't even get the flag.
Timber: You didn't?
Diddy: Nope and neither has Mario.
Mario: There's only one person that can tell us who won, Diddy.
Darkside: (teleports in) Hey.
Yoshi: So who won?
Darkside: I don't know, the tape went out before you grabbed the flag. From the looks of things, it was a draw... and that's all I can say.
Yoshi: This sucks!
Drumstick: Stop whining. It seems that we're equals everyone.
Darion: Well, there's only one thing left to do....
All: What?
Darion: Shake hands and call it a tie.
Judges: Sounds good to me.
Daisy: Baby, wake up.
Baby Mario: Great, it's time to eat.
DK: Yes, we can all eat. But first, I will say that Race Wars is now over. Both sides come forward and shake your rivals hand.
(The racers of both sides stepped forward and shook hands)
Baby Mario: That was fun, we should do this again someday.
Tip Tup: If we do, I won't be nice because you got sick in a race. (both laugh)
Toad: You race well.
TT: You battle well.
Toad &TT: Maybe you can give me a few pointers? Hmf, maybe so.
KT: What do yo want me to say?
Drumstick: Things will change if we ever go toe-to-toe again.
Peach: I like your style, you're all right.
Pipsy: (^_^) Well, I learn from one of the best.
Yoshi: ..........
Bumper: ..........
Yoshi: I have nothing to say.
Bumper: Same here.
Fuchsia: Even though we raced once, it was good to have a partner aside from my boo to spar with.
Berri: Took the words right out of my mouth.
Luigi: You know how to run a track and a battle, Timber.
Timber: You too. Good stuff.
Waluigi: You ain't that tough.
Banjo: Look who's talking?
Wario: You're a tough little rodent.
Conker: You're a tough SOB yourself.
Wario: I always will be.
Bowser: Not bad, "son".
Krunch: You too, "old man".
Shadow: We will race again in the far future, be ready Racer X.
Darion: You just be ready for me, Shadow.
Diddy: We can argue about which one of us really won, but what's the point?
Mario: The point is that we won.
Darkside: My job here is done. Getcha next time people. -----------------------------------------------
Narrative Mario: It's been a week since the end of race Wars and the lot of us have gone from side to side racing on each others tracks. Improving on our skills in all three modes of racing.
Narrative Diddy: Both sides have trophies of the result of Race Wars and they each have the same inscription: To the team of racers who are the badasses of the road... and both of our team initials.
Narrative Mario: Things have been working our for both of us, we even decided to make a powerful treaty that opens all of our courses to each other at all times.
Taj: Things are starting to get better for both sides.
DK: Yup... Want to give them a sequel?
Taj: Maybe. that will be good to see.
Narrative Diddy: It would be nice to race again in another Race Wars... maybe, just maybe it will happen someday...
[In a faraway place, Darkside sits in her chair and found something interesting.]
Darkside: So I had the other camera on? Good, maybe I can finally see what goes on... (O_O) Well, so that's who won. Should I tell them all? Nah, where would the fun be in that? (giggle)
The End!
THE LAST RIDE
It was a frustrating morning on Yoster's Island thanks to the destruction of many tracks.
Umbra: You know, that Darkside really ticks me off.
Breeze: She destroyed your track too, Umbra?
Umbra: Yeah, she totaled it.
Screech: At least it didn't interrupt your date. I lost a good slice of poontang for that... I want my slice of poontang back!
Blaze: You should've done your homework when making your tracks, fellas. Like Frost, Thunder, Power and myself, we did our homework and ours were spared.
Quake: Women, I still say Shadow screwed her the wrong way.
Darkside: You stupid Yoshi. What part of me not having interests in men or women don't you get?
Quake: Not a damn one.
Blaze: Okay Darkside, I can understand you not liking women, you're straight as Robin Hood's quiver of arrows. But why you don't like men... You probably got raped when you were younger, or somethin' like that.
(Darkside turned away and left as the other Y Team members watched her go. After she left, they all looked at Blaze)
Umbra: Did you have to be so cold?
Blaze: I wasn't cold, bro. I asked that to many girls on the dates that I had and they answered me freely without insult... except one girl. She broke into tears because I was right. I don't know women, but Darkside probably went to cry... not because I was cold, no. It was because I was right. (silence was in the room and everyone looked at Blaze) Okay, I'll go find her and say I'm sorry.
With that said, Yoshi Blaze went off in search of Darkside.
MKR
Peach: Got any threes, Daisy?
Daisy: Go fish. (Peach takes a card) Fuchsia, have any queens? (Fuchsia hands Daisy her queen) Baby, have any fours?
Baby Mario: Go fish. (Daisy takes a card) Do you have a two, Toad?
Toad: Go fish.
Baby Mario: (takes his card) Yay, I got my twos!
Toad: (-_-) Lovely. Daisy, cough up the queens.
Daisy: I can't believe you had the last one. Drat! (Gives queens to Toad)
Toad: Thank you. Honey, do you have any aces?
Fuchsia: Take a card, honey.
Toad: (takes his card) Ah, the aces are a must.
Birdo: Do you have any sixes, Baby?
Baby Mario: Are you talking to me, or Yoshi?
Birdo: Yoshi, of course.
Yoshi: I would like to do one thing without having to yell at you with company around. Don't call me baby, Birdo!
Birdo: Do you have any sixes, or not?
Yoshi: No, go fish.
Fuchsia: Yoshi, have any deuces?
Yoshi: Go fish.
Fuchsia: So are you two enjoying life living together?
Yoshi: You act like I have a choice.
Peach: I didn't tell you to move her into your house.
Yoshi: Get used to her, marry her, get along with her. When this happens, you move the girl in with you, it's tradition!
Peach: Yoshi, it's the twenty-first century, not the days of King Arthur and the round table. It doesn't matter who moves in with who, but it matters on how people fare and evolve.
Yoshi: Kind of like how princesses should evolve into queens, huh?
Peach: ..... That's (!-_-) not what I meant.
Yoshi: I think the princess of the house of Toadstool has queen phobia.
Peach: Kind of like how you have Birdophobia?
Yoshi: At least I'm living with her.
Toad: Okay, okay, let's change the subject. How's the sex going?
Yoshi: She's bad in bed. {here it comes.}
Birdo: Oh it's me, huh? How come you're never in the mood?
Baby Mario: Gee Fuchsia, wasn't that how your sex life was with Toad?
Fuchsia: (*-_-) You need a spanking. Besides, my sex life is booming. But my sex life isn't the issue here, it Yoshi's.
Yoshi: Daisy, you tell me if this is bad.
Daisy: Go ahead.
Yoshi: I screw her by my own will once, and she's out of it in thirty seconds.
Baby Mario: Some virgin, huh?
Yoshi: Birdo ain't no virgin. She screwed me while I was sleep.
Birdo: I better do that again, it's the only way I'll be able to get any.
Yoshi: (\_/) I will whoop your ass!!
Peach: No you won't.
Yoshi: You're right, Peach. I'll tie her up and torture her with the totem stick I have.
All but Yoshi: Yeesh! Don't remind me, Yoshi.
Yoshi: Good. Now that the talk about sex life is over, it's your turn now, Fuchsia.
DKR
(Diddy races around the island in his kart)
Diddy: What is up with those Yoshi Team members? And what is up with that Darkside character? I just don't get her.
Shadow: You aren't the only one that doesn't get her, Diddy. I've been allies with her for years and I still don't get her. It took me just one year to gain her trust.
Diddy: So she's difficult?
Shadow: No, just hard as stone and old-fashion. She has her reasons to be this way, but she's never told me them. I guess some wounds should stay closed.
Diddy: But some wounds need to be opened up before they can be healed.
Shadow: You think I haven't told her that? I have, but she won't listen to anyone including myself. Something is clouding her past and she chooses not to reveal it, so I decided not to talk about it and respect her about it.
Diddy: Hmmm, I guess some things are left unmentioned.
*
In the peaceful sounds of the jungle, Donkey Kong relaxes at home with company.
Taj: I hope the Race Wars is going well.
DK: You said it, it's too bad that we have no control over it though.
Tiny: Donkey Kong, look did your son did to me!
(DK and Taj went into the living room to see Tiny Kong in tears. Her arms were over her chest and her hair was full of a sticky substance)
Taj: What happened to you, Tiny Kong?
Tiny: Three words, Donkey Kong Junior. Look what he did to me this time.
DK: You look like a mashed split.
Taj: What is this stuff in your hair?
DK: It smells like honey. Well, I don't see what's wrong with your pants.
Taj: Er, maybe you should look at Tiny's back.
(DK walked to Tiny's back and saw that the back of her pants were gone, revealing Tiny's orange jungle panties) {I like panties like that. Whatever, jungle woman.}
DK: Oh, wow. That's kinda' foul.
Tiny: I'm going home Donkey Kong, but talk to your son.
DK Jr.: There you are Tiny. Ooh, jungle orange huh? Nice panties, Tiny. I always knew you had such good taste.
Tiny: You're the biggest pain I've had in my life. What did I do to have you torture me like this?
DK Jr.: Nothing. But I told you enough times that I like you.
Tiny: What do I have to do to get you leave me alone?
DK Jr.: To be honest with you, just satisfy me.
Tiny: Satisfy you, what do you mean by that?
DK Jr.: Let me explain, Tiny. The one thing in the world that satisfies me the most is luring you into a trap that I've concocted. Picking on you makes me feel good, but if you want me to leave you alone, just give me a picture of you-
Tiny: That's it? All of this because you wanted a picture of me?
DK Jr.: Tiny, you didn't let me finish. Just give me a picture of you in your bra and panties. I like you in the banana yellow ones a lot, makes me want a chocolate covered banana every time I see it.
Tiny: Ooh you little pervert!
DK Jr.: Hey, I told you how to get me out of your hair for a while Tiny and that will do it. But if you don't want to...
DK: Son, this is no way to treat your cousin's girlfriend's sister. Apologize to Tiny this instant.
DK Jr.: I'm really sorry, Tiny.
Tiny: You really are?
DK Jr.: Yup. I'm sorry that I didn't take the front side of your pants either.
DK: Junior!?
(Tiny ran home crying)
DK: You really disappoint me, son.
DK Jr.: Like you didn't do this to Mom.
DK: I played tricks on her, but I never did what you did to Tiny to your mother. You're grounded mister, now go to your room.
MKR
It took a while, but Yoshi Blaze eventually caught up with Darkside.
Darkside: What do you want?
Blaze: Answers Darkside, just answers. Now what's up with you and the opposite sex?
Darkside: I don't want to talk about it.
Blaze: So you were raped? It shows by your actions Darkside, don't be so emotional about it.
Darkside: I said i don't want to talk about it.
Blaze: If you wish, Darkside. Anyway, I'm sorry if I offended you in any way.
Darkside: Don't be sorry for me, you just didn't know.
Blaze: Well I'm going to leave now, (runs away) but just keep in mind that some things can only be talked off of your chest. Later, Darkside.
(Darkside watched Blaze run off and soon went the other way)
Darkside: Maybe there's a little compassion in them after all...
Not too far away, a not so attached couple has a chat.
Birdo: Yoshi, I want to know.
Yoshi: About what?
Birdo: Why did you... do me that one night?
Yoshi: ... I had to.
Birdo: So Peach made you, huh?
Yoshi: No... I just had to. I'm still not sure why, but it had to be done.
Birdo: Be honest with me Yoshi, do you still want me to live with you... even though I've done you wrong as of late?
Yoshi: I don't have much of a choice.
Birdo: And if you did?
Yoshi: ........
Birdo: So you do want me around you?
Yoshi: Let's just say I've gotten used to you. Have you ever had a pain you couldn't live without?
Birdo: I still do.
Yoshi: Well, that's what you are to me.
Birdo: (^_^) I'll take that as a compliment.
Yoshi: Don't.
Birdo: Why?
Yoshi: Just don't.
Birdo: So, how can I please you in bed?
Yoshi: Come again?
Birdo: Another orgasm? I'll try.
Yoshi: Sick girl. That's not what I meant.
Birdo: Well, tell me Yoshi. I want to be a good bed partner to you.
Yoshi: Don't expect to have sex.
Birdo: So I take it that Kootie Pie was a better bed partner to you than I was? {Oops.}
Yoshi: Where did you get that idea?
Birdo: You really did have feelings for that Koopaling, didn't you?
Yoshi: She's not a Koopaling anymore and that went into manipulating her "size".
Birdo: So that's all you liked about her?
Yoshi: Birdo, I may be cold-blooded, but I like breasts like any other male. I'm not too parsh about crossbreeding either.
Birdo: So I--Wait, better not mention that.
Yoshi: Hmf.
(a brief period of silence)
Birdo: ..........
Yoshi: Don't be so demanding.
Birdo: Over what?
Yoshi: You said you wanted to be a good bed partner to me, so don't be so demanding.
Birdo: Will you ever um... do me again?
Yoshi: Maybe. Only time will tell, Birdo.
Birdo: Is that a "Yes?"
Yoshi: It's neither a yay, nor a nay. Only time will tell.
Birdo: Did you even like it when you did me?
Yoshi: You got KOed after thirty seconds, what was there to like? It takes about a minute to even start having sex, let alone liking it. {How true.}
Birdo: Am I even attractive to you?
Yoshi: I can't answer that question.
Birdo: Why not?
Yoshi: Because it's a trick question. Either way I answer it, you'll take it the wrong way... Hence, I can't answer that question.
Birdo: Do I have to get boobs to catch your attention?
Yoshi: Did she say "Boobs?" Stand up straight and tall. (Birdo complies) Two things. First of all, the word "Boobs" is eighteenth century. Update your torso slang, and second... You wouldn't look right with knockers on your chest.
Birdo: And you would?
Yoshi: Don't get funny.
Birdo: There's still a lot of this I want to talk to you about.
Yoshi: Maybe later, Birdo. But for now, let's get something to eat.
[scene; Peach's bedroom]
{Janne, what time did this episode run? 12:30, why? That would explain this scene. She's faking it.} [Luigi lays down on the bed while Peach takes a sip from the head of the straw.]
Luigi: You can sure say a mouthful when I'm tied up in these ropes like a chicken, but when I rope ya', talk is cheap. No more bondage or S&M for this princess. {I smell a lawsuit. You mean another one? I wonder what Nintendo has to say about this....}
Peach: Can I stop now?
Luigi: Aw, and you were doing so well... Okay, I'm not a mean boyfriend, you can stop. But you have to give Daisy back her whip first thing in the morning.
Peach: But Luigi...
Luigi: Maybe I'll keep you like this until I-
Peach: Okay, okay, first thing in the morning.
Luigi: Good--Hey, uncross your fingers. (Peach did so) And you toes. (Peach did so) And your legs.
Peach: Luigi Mario?
Luigi: Okay, you can get up now.
Peach: You have to untie me.
Luigi: I do, you really cant move if I don't?
Peach: Yes you have to untie me.
Luigi: Okay, I'm going. {Why wasn't this scene cut? They said it would be exciting. This isn't exciting, it's perverted! No it's not.}
(Luigi pulls out of Peach, covers his shame and goes to untie his bondaged girlfriend)
Peach: No more ropes for me, Luigi puts them on too tight. Oh, I can't have rope burns... Look what you did to me!
Luigi: Just a couple of rope burns, I can fix that.
Peach: Where's that whip at? {Oops!}
Luigi: Hey, I can still tie you back up.
Peach: Here it is. (cracks whip) Now it's payback time.
(Suddenly, the phone rings and Luigi sighs in relief as the princess goes to answer the phone)
Luigi: Saved by the bell. I better get outta' here before she's done talking. {Run boy, run.}
Peach: Hello?
Mario: Hey, Power wants to talk to us at the island. I'll meet you there... and tell Luigi to find my cologne that I let him use.
Peach: You mean the Old Spice in the white bottle?
Mario: Yeah, that's it.
Peach: He told me that was his.
Mario: That's not his, Luigi's is in the red bottle! Just tell him and I'll meet you two at the island.
Peach: Gotcha' Mario, see you later. (hangs up phone) Luigi, come on that was Mario, he said that--Hey, where'd he go. (*\_/) Lu-i-gi!!! {Oops, I did it again. No Brittany Spheres please.}
YI
Both teams met up on Yoster's Island to talk with Yoshi Power.
Power: Okay people, there are a lot of things that have happened since you started racing here on the island. Mainly, Darkside destroying the courses. Shadow probably tagged her guts the wrong way-
Shadow: Me, bash her guts? I wish, Power. I may have seen Darkside naked, and she has a body, but I never hit those. I wanted to and still do, but until she's willing... no dice.
Power: Oh. Well anyway, The sore of Race Wars is-
Timber: Get to the point already.
Power: (\_/) Shut the up, alright? {they finally blurred something out.} Now where was I before I was so-
Shadow: The score.
Power: Thanks, but don't interrupt. DKR: 4, MKR: 12. Now unlike everything else that has gone around here, I call the shots on this track. Now I've seen the whole contest and I've made my decision. Toad, TT, step forward. (both racers did so) You two will be racing on this course. Four flags are at stake here, so you better put your souls into this race.
Darion: Why are they racing?
Power: Because they were the ones to get the first flags for their sides. Now listen carefully, this is the last chance for your team to stay alive, TT.
TT: I know, I know.
Power: Toad, this is your chance to win it for your team. If you lose these four flags, don't fret. The game will be tied at eight and things will have to go into a shootout. (turns to the course) Welcome to Power Raceway. A little advice... This course is jam-packed with ninety degree turns, some are u-turns, some are s-turns and the rest are just turns. You will hit walls, so make sure you use the brakes. To the line, boys!
[Toad and TT lined up and reved up in their karts.] The race was about to begin and it seems like it's going to be it for the DKR racers. There was nothing but pressure on the stopwatch's gears, even he knew it.
TT: Looks like this is a must win situation for me. And if I don't the wars are over. Well, it's not over yet.
Power: Okay people, one more time. Get ready... get set... GO!
(Both racers zoomed off. Now playing, "Power Hour") Meanwhile at home, our dino couple is starting to repatch things up. Let's just hope it works this time.
Birdo: Yoshi, shouldn't you be at the island with the other racers?
Yoshi: I can still leave you know, Birdo. (Throws Birdo on the bed)
Birdo: OW, my tail. A bit softer please?
Yoshi: Whatever, now on lay back.
Birdo: (lays back) Okay, but you could at least tell me what's going... on? Are you on top of me for a reason?
Yoshi: Of course I am.
Birdo: (^_^) I'm getting layed tonight.
Yoshi: Not exactly, think of this as practice.
Birdo: Yoshi we're talking about sex, what is there to practice? {What a ditz!}
Yoshi: Performance for one thing, pacing for another and position for the last. These are the three Ps of sex.
Birdo: And the Qs are...
Yoshi: (laughs) I like that one Birdo. Now let's get down to business, now place your arms around me. (Birdo wraps her arms around Yoshi's ribs) That's a start, but go a little lower. (birdo wraps her arms around Yoshi's waist) That's a little too low.
Birdo: Forget about beginning holding, Yoshi. Here's where I put my arms around you. (wraps arms over Yoshi's shoulders)
Yoshi: At least we're getting somewhere. Now let's place your legs.
Birdo: Okay, I'll try. (wraps legs around Yoshi's hips) It's this right?
Yoshi: As Urtha Kitt would say, "Puuur-fect." Now angle yourself, Birdo.
Birdo: How?
Yoshi: Forty-five, no. One-thirty degrees. (Birdo angles herself) Good, now let's practice.
On lap two, Toad and TT were neck and neck.
Toad: This isn't going to last forever, TT. Admit it, you lost this race and the Race Wars for your team. The victory belongs to us, Team MKR.
TT: Nice try, but my victory here is just the beginning to the DKR destruction crew. First I'll tie the match and we'll takeover and win these wars, Toad. You ain't got nothin' on us, let alone me.
[Off the turn they went, crashing into the wall on the way around.]
Toad: Note to self, "Hit Power after race."
TT: I'll help you.
(both racers crashed into the next turn)
Toad & TT: Damn ninety degree turns!
[back in Yoshi's bedroom...]
Yoshi: You know Birdo, that wasn't that bad.
Birdo: What are you talking about, we didn't have sex yet.
Yoshi: Of course not, it was practice. Now, on your belly.
Birdo: Okay. (rolls over) How's this?
Yoshi: Good, now spread your legs and lift up your tail.
Birdo: Do I have to lift it up?
Yoshi: Are you going to put it another way... Okay, that works.
Birdo: Now what do you want me to do?
Yoshi: Lift your ass up.
Birdo: Doesn't that mean that I would have to stand?
Yoshi: Birdo, lift your ass up.
Birdo: But I don't want to stand up, I'm comfy like this.
Yoshi: That's great Birdo, now lift up your ass. {I get it, what about you?}
Birdo: But I don't want to move my body.
Yoshi: Not your body, just your ass.
Birdo: OH! (lifts ass up) Now why couldn't you say that in the first place?
Yoshi: (slaps forehead) Birdo, you're a ditz when it comes to sex. {Didn't I just say that?} Let's just move on. Now I'm going to mount you and we can practice once I'm there. (mounts Birdo)
Birdo: I'm not comfy anymore, you're on my spleen Yoshi.
Yoshi: Do you ever get tired of being a crybaby?
Birdo: Get off my spleen. (Yoshi shifts) Ah, I feel a little better now.
Yoshi: (d_b) Are you comfy now?
Birdo: Uh huh.
Yoshi: Good. Now can we practice?
Birdo: How many ways are we going to practice, and how many are we going to use?
Yoshi: All shall be practiced and we will see what will be used.
Birdo: Hold on, let me brace myself really quick.
Yoshi: This is practice!
Birdo: Bracing is a part of "Pacing", Yoshi.
Yoshi: Fine, but make it quick.
Back on the track, TT has taken the lead.
Toad: Hey, get your ass back here!
TT: Come and get me.
Toad: (\_/) Watch me. There's still a lot of race to go, I can still make it. This isn't over yet, stopwatch.
TT: Ah, the line is in sight. One more lap left and I'm winning, where's your "Mushroom Justice" now?
Shadow: You'll see it my friend, just you wait.
TT: You can't taunt me by reading my thoughts like you could before Shadow, why do you keep tormenting me?
Shadow: Say what you will, but don't think you'll get far.
TT: You know what Shadow, suck it!
(The race goes on)
*
[Yoshi's bedroom. Both dinos are practicing as said and Birdo is actually laughing]
Yoshi: You're having fun now, huh?
Birdo: (laughing) You're tickling me.
Yoshi: It tickles huh, it tickles?
Birdo: (laughing) Yes!
Yoshi: At least you're having fun.
Birdo: Please stop, this is... (laughing) this is torture. You're torturing me!
Yoshi: I haven't begun to torture you yet, Birdo.
Birdo: Yes you have.
Yoshi: If this is torture, she really won't be able to take the real thing. I hope the race is going well on the island...
The race was just about over and Toad had a very good lead. He had a very good fortune on his final lap, not crashing once. But Toad soon realizes that all good things come to an end. Toad was just about to win the race, when... (Toad's kart comes to a complete stop five hundred yards from the finish line. {What the hell happened?})
Toad: Aw man, tell me this didn't happen. This didn't happen... (looking at fuel gauge) it happened. I ran out of gas. WAHHHHHH! {Now doesn't that suck like a vacuum?}
Mario: (!U_U) I can't believe he ran out of gas.
Timber: (!-_-) That blows.
Bowser: No Timber, that is up!
Peach: I can't believe that Toad actually ran out of gas. (!-_-) We were so close to winning this and now look what happened?
Shadow: Toad, don't just sit there like a pile of fresh shit, push your kart over the line.
Toad: Got it. (Toad gets behind he kart and starts pushing it) I hope this works...
Toad's inspiration form Shadow actually worked, but it seemed like it failed since Toad's rival passed him by. (TT's kart was starting to slow down)
TT: Damn gas, I filled up my tank before I left. That's what I get for buying cheap gas. Techron my ass!
Both racers had run out of gas, but TT's kart came to a complete stop after his bumper hit the line.
TT: (^_^) Lucky me, I win!
Shadow & Toad: Lucky is right you little !
Mario: What a gip, we had it won.
Luigi: How do you think Toad felt?
Fuchsia: Oh well, it happens to all of us.
Pipsy: Not me.
Fuchsia: It's coming, don't worry.
Pipsy: Don't jinks me.
Power: Well folks, this is tied once again. Come on folks, it's time to go.
(Everyone left the track, Power holding Toad's and TT's karts over his shoulders. All, the bystanders and racers cleared the track and Power lowered the karts)
Power: Well, at least everyone is safe.
(Suddenly, a big explosion is heard and everyone ducks for cover)
Mario: Is everyone okay?
Diddy: We're all present and counted for. Hey, where's Power?
Power: My track! Look at it, my track's in flames.
Darkside: I don't appreciate being lied to, Yoshi. Those who lie shall be cast stray by The One's judgment. I am the one... and my judgment is destruction.
Breeze: Okay you, this has gone far enough. You've destroyed many a track and this goes on no further... YOU WILL BE STOPPED AT ALL COSTS!
Darkside: Well, well, well, the gang's all here? (the other Yoshis whose track were obliterated by Darkside stood tall and Power joined them) Pretty.
Umbra: It's time for a little restitution from you Darkside, and it's not going to be pretty.
Stealth: You're going down, Darkside.
Screech: I don't mind a little intrusion, but what you did to me was far beyond the reaches of reason.
Darkside: Really? And what are you going to do about this, hmmm? What are you going to try and do to me?
Power: (\_/) We're going to kick your ass!
Darkside: I do not think so.
Breeze: Just watch us!
Yoshi: Shadow, is it possible for them to actually beat Darkside?
Shadow: No one can beat one who is Lost, but to weaken one of the Lost is possible. However, they cannot weaken her.
Yoshi: Can you?
Shadow: NO.
Toad: I can... but this isn't my battle, it's theirs. Yoshi, your brethren will learn the hard way about dealing with Darkside. Power may be strong, but his strength is that of a mere ant when it comes to Darkside. AND SO, THE SHOWDOWN BEGINS...
RACE WARS TALLY
DKR-8 MKR-8
end of first part.....
Luigi: Hello everyone, I'm Luigi Mario. Due to the last episode and the rain of complain mail, I am here to issue this warning: If there are any peoples young and old who can't stand the explicit material being showed, turn the channel now. If you're watching and someway along the show you say to yourself, "I can't watch this no more.", then watch something like um... say, The Powerpuff Girls. If you can watch it, watch it. If not, watch Cartoon Network... Well, enjoy the show... if possible.
(Darkside stands alone against Power, Stealth, Umbra, Breeze and Screech)
Fuchsia: Tell me this isn't how it looks?
Shadow: How do you think it looks?
Fuchsia: It looks like a five on one battle.
Toad: That's actually what it looks like.
Darkside: So all of you wish to do battle with me, huh?
Breeze: Yes, we want to kick your ass.
Darkside: As you wish, but I warn you... my powers aren't to be taken lightly.
Stealth & Umbra: Whatever.
Darkside: Cute. Now, which of you is up first?
Stealth: I'll go first.
(Stealth steps up to Darkside)
Darkside: The first half of the IWF Tag Team Champs huh, well this isn't wrestling match, but pure combat.
Stealth: I've been in combat before, this shouldn't be too hard.
Darkside: You have no clue. Right.
Stealth: Here we go lady.
(Stealth charges towards Darkside and gets blasted)
Yoshis: Stealth!
Fuchsia: That's gonna' leave a mark.
Stealth: (x_x) Ow.
Darkside: Who's next?
Umbra: I'll deal with this.
Darkside: Good, the other half. I hope you're more of a challenge than Stealth was.
Umbra: Okay, let's try this again. I hope I can make a good fight out of this for you.
Darkside: So do I, Yoshi. Let's go.
Umbra: No, you come to me.
Darkside: (disappears) As you wish.
[It shows a side scene of Umbra guarding and suddenly four slashes on a black screen, each in a direction of a compass and behind the black dino reappeared Darkside. The star of slashes appeared and Umbra dropped to the ground.]
Fuchsia: (O_O) Someone tell me what just happened?
Shadow: The Nightstar Slash. This is rather nasty Fuchsia, since everyone, including myself, who have taken this blow can only drop to the ground. You're in so much pain that you can only drop and pass out.
Frost: Hey guys, be careful of that move. It's a real bitch.
Darkside: Don't interfere!
(launching a beam at Frost and missing, the light blue dino gets a little agitated)
Frost: Hey, knock it off.
(Frost then threw his stars at Darkside. Hearing them, Darkside turned around and caught them, then they exploded. The explosion actually sent Darkside skyward with a painful expression in her eyes)
Toad: What do ya' know? They actually fazed her.
Shadow: Those stars actually packed a punch! This is the first time I've ever seen anything actually hurt her. (turns head to Frost) Maybe something can actually weaken her...
Frost: Listen you crazy girl, I don't know what your problem is, but your beef is with them, not me. Focus yourself, woman!
Fuchsia: Not to be nosy, but where did you come from?
Toad: That's what I want to know.
Frost: I saw Darkside coming this way, so I followed her. In addition to that, I took some ot Yoshi's stars.
Toad: Those are Yoshi's stars?
Fuchsia: Don't you mean were Yoshi's stars?
Frost: Yes, but that's not the point. I've been watching this for some time now and I must say this, she would make a loving girlfriend for you Shadow... If she were interested in men that is.
Darkside: More intrusion, great.
Screech: Hey Darkside, I want to know something. Why are you destroying all of our tracks? We put a lot of heart into making those, why make worth nothing?
Darkside: You should've thought about that before you tried to take over this competition. And you think I'm bad? Look at yourself, all of you!
Screech: This makes no sense, none at all. You two can stay here if you want, but I'm out of here. Because no track is worth fighting for, you guys. (leaving) What a bunch of crap, I don't want any part of this. I'll just make my track again.
[As Screech ran away, Darkside pursued him.]
Darkside: Running scared are you? Don't chicken out, share the fate with your brothers!
(Darkside struck Screech in his back, which made the brown dino wail in pain) What a wail. It was heard even by Yoshi at his house, who stopped practicing.
Birdo: What are you doing?
Yoshi: I'm going to the island.
Birdo: But things were going so well...
Yoshi: I know, but I have to go. I promise I'll make it up to you later, you can stay here or come along.
Birdo: Fine gimme a couple of minutes.
*
Mario: That went well.
Toad: Yeah, real well.
Peach: You know Yoshi, where were you all of this time?
Yoshi: Practicing.
Fuchsia: Practicing what?
Yoshi: the way to get rid of the problems that you and Toad once had.
Fuchsia: Are you talking about bed, or cooking?
Mario: Or cooking in bed?
Yoshi: Cooking.
Peach: And what were you cooking?
Birdo: Poontang Pie. {lol!}
All: Really?
Birdo: Sure were, (pulling out the pie) want some?
Toad: I do.
Fuchsia: No, you don't.
Toad: Yes I do.
Fuchsia: I'll give you a slice later, but we have to figure out how we're going to break this tie.
In the jungle, the two judges caught some unwanted monkey business going on.
DK: I thought I told you to stop messing with her, son?
DK Jr.: But Dad, you said I should kiss and make up with her.
DK: Yes, kiss and make up, not kiss and make-out.
Diddy: Hey uncle, what's going--(gasp) Junior?
Dixie: Tiny, Mom said you were exempt from seeing him. Why are you still going it?
Tiny: I want more from Junior.
Kongs: Wasn't once enough?
Tiny: No!
Dixie: Get dressed, I'm taking you home and putting you in a cage, Tiny.
Tiny: But sis?
Dixie: No buts, get dressed.
Tiny: Fine, but could you all leave?
DK: You're in the middle of my living room.
Tiny: Okay fine, I'll go. (heads to the back)
Diddy: We should call Junior, Horny Kong. {lol, Horny Kong!}
DK Jr.: Ah Diddy, you're just mad because I got some ass and you didn't.
Diddy: This isn't about ass.
DK Jr.: Right, like last night when you wished Dixie would lay you this weekend? {Oops!}
Dixie: Diddy?!
Diddy: Well, a guy can dream, can't he?
DK Jr.: Does dreaming involve masturbation? Diddy: I don't know what you're talking about. DK Jr.: Of course you wouldn't, so I decided to tape this occasion after catching you in the act.
(DK Jr. pulls out a tape recorder and plays the tape) Tape: Ah Dixie. Oh Dixie, let's go a little faster. Stop playing with me, you know this should be taken seriously. Oh god, I want this to last forever. I wonder how long this is going to take? I hope no one see me doing this, it's so degrading. God, let's go a little faster. Oh, how long does it take to come anyway? {Busted, lol! Oh it's greatness.} (DK Jr. stops the tape) Dixie: (*\_/)You damn dirty ape?! Diddy: Actually I'm a chimp, but I'm not-- Dixie: That was really bad. DK Jr.: Well Dixie it's like they say, "Misery loves company." (plays tape again) Tape: Deeper, deeper, go deeper Diddy. Ooh, a little further... there it is, now pick up a little speed now. Oh... I'm glad I'm out here in the middle of nowhere all alone by myself. What would my sister say If she saw me doing something like this... I wonder what she would say, or think. (DK Jr. stops tape again and Dixie is red in the face) Tiny: And you hound me for this? Some example you are, Dixie. DK Jr.: Yeah, especially with her butt up in the air like that. Made a guy like me horny, with all of your gushing and junk... you looked like a slut while masturbating. Dixie: The key here is abstinence. DK Jr.: Prevention is good, but explain this. (plays tape again) Tape: Diddy, punish me and punish me good. {ppppppt, lol!} I've been a bad, bad, girl. A very bad girl... punish me like I'm asking for a death wish. (DK Jr.: stops the tape) Diddy: Sadomasochism? And I'm the "Damn Dirty Ape" eh, Dixie? Dixie: No, no, no, that's not what I meant. Diddy: Would you clarify? DK Jr.: Yes, please do. Dixie: (!^_^) Well... Tiny, when you and Junior lost, er, took each others virginity, did it hurt? Tiny: At first, but only because he broke my hymen. After that it felt better, even though it felt like torture. Dixie: See, sex hurts. That's what I meant by punishing me. Diddy & DK Jr.: (folded arms) Yeah right. Dixie: Help me out here, DK. DK: I'm not getting involved. Diddy: You're really sick when it comes to sex, Dixie. Dixie: Diddy, this isn't about our love life, but Junior's sex life. Tiny: Well, you two set a bad example for us. Diddy & Dixie: You set your own bad example! DK: Kids, kids, let's get back on task now.
Diddy: No, let's settle this now. We tried to set a good example about things. You two did it, not us! DK Jr.: So when does who I have sex with matter to you? Diddy: You screwed my girlfriend's sister, of course it matters to me. Dixie: How could you let my boyfriend's cousin screw you? Tiny: I just wanted him off of my back, but I realize now that I actually got turned on by it. Dixie: You have some strange turn-ons, Tiny. Tiny: At least I don't have a masochist mind like you do. DK Jr.: Face it Diddy, you're just mad that I make love better than you do. Diddy: You lousy little ! I can make love to Dixie better than you can to Tiny.
(Both Kong sister looked at the feuding cousins{This is about to get juicy. Here we go. Where's that digital camera at?}) DK Jr.: Is that so? Diddy: Yeah! DK Jr.: Tiny come here please. Tiny: (Walks to Junior face to face) Yes Junior? DK Jr.: Be so kind as to turn around and bend over please? Tiny: Okay.
[As Tiny's back faces Junior, she bends over and touches her toes. Junior the began to undo Tiny's pants.] Diddy & Dixie: What's going on here? DK Jr.: What's wrong Diddy, can't put your money where your mouth is? Diddy: You must be joking? DK Jr.: If you say so Diddy, but if you don't want to prove what you just said... Dixie: What are you trying to prove by all of this? Tiny: To think there's actually something that my fearless sister is afraid of... Dixie: Don't mix fear with stupidity, Tiny. Tiny: Dixie, This is with the boy that you love, don't be afraid. Unless... you want him to hurt you. DK Jr.: Stand up and lift your arms. Diddy: It's not like I don't want to, it's just that... that... I don't have any condoms. DK Jr.: Here, catch.
(Junior, threw Diddy three latex rubbers) DK Jr.: Are there any more excuses? Dixie: I don't have a diaphragm. Tiny: I think I brought an extra one. Check my pants would you, Junior?
(Junior searched the left pocket and found Tiny's red "pad" and gave it to her. In the left pocket, a plastic container and Junior pulled it out.) DK Jr.: Tiny, what's this thing? Tiny: That's my other diaphragm soaking in spermicide. And it's never been used. Now that there are no more intrusions... DK: Ahem, you forgot that we were here. DK Jr.: Candy called while you were out Dad, she said she wanted to see you right away. DK: Really? I don't believe that. DK Jr.: Go see her if you think I'm lying... DK: Fine, let's go Taj.
(The judges left) Diddy: Dixie, look. If you feel cocky about doing this, then I- Dixie: (forefinger on Diddy's lips) Look. let's just get this over with, okay? Diddy: You're okay with this? Dixie: Not really, but it's something we've both have been waiting to do for a long time. Besides, I love you. Tiny: Hey "Juliet", bend over and get ready. Diddy: Are you sure about this? (Dixie nods) Okay, let's do it.
MKR
At the castle, Mario and the gang discussed the current problem.
Peach: I don't get it, what is up with Darkside?
Baby Mario: Yeah, she has a serious ego trip?
Mario: I don't know, but I hope Shadow can talk some sense into her.
Yoshi: I can't believe that she clobbered the Y Team without breaking a sweat. That was a lot of effort to do alone.
Birdo: She's cool. But was it really worth it all?
Baby Mario: Yeah. Screech had a good point, why fight over a track you can always rebuild? She's confusing and maybe a bit der-ringed.
Luigi: That's deranged Baby Mario.
Peach: Where's Toad at, he should've been here already?
Yoshi: He's probably still at home Peach, but if you're worried why don't you just call him?
Peach: That's a good idea.
[Peach did that and the phone rings at Toad's house. Fuchsia picks up the phone with closed eyes.]
Fuchsia: Hello.
Peach: Hey Fuchsia.
Fuchsia: Hi Peach, how are you?
Peach: Good. Where's Toad?
Fuchsia: He's here, but a little busy at the moment right now.
Peach: Doing what?
Fuchsia: You don't want to know. {I smell a joke.}
Peach: Keep in mind that I'm your monarch Fuchsia, now let's try this again. Is Toad there?
Fuchsia: Yes.
Peach: Let me talk to him.
Fuchsia: He's busy.
Peach: Busy doing what?
Fuchsia: You don't... want to know.
Peach: ...Okay, let's approach this differently.
Fuchsia: Okay.
Peach: Is Toad there?
Fuchsia: Yes.
Peach: May I talk to Toad?
Fuchsia: Not right now.
Peach: Why not?
Fuchsia: Because he's busy. {I told you.}
Peach: Well, interrupt him.
Fuchsia: (shaking her head) This can't be interrupted.
Peach: Why not?
Fuchsia: Because it will throw him off of his schedule.
Peach: Can it wait 'til later?
Fuchsia: No it can't.
Peach: What is so important that it can't wait? Is he dressed?
Fuchsia: Fully clothed.
Peach: Then what's he doing?
Fuchsia: You don't want to know. {Peach is now pissed. Tch, ya' think?}
Peach: Let's try this one last time. Put Toad on the phone.
Fuchsia: And for the last time, he's busy.
Peach: Busy doing what? And tell me this time, I do want to know!
Fuchsia: He's eating me out.
(Silence.......)
Fuchsia: Hello, are you still there?
Peach: Yes I am.
Fuchsia: I told you that you didn't want to know.
Peach: Well, make him stop for a minute, I want to talk to him.
Fuchsia: (*-_-) Listen, I don't bug Luigi while he eats your dick-pounded pussy, {LOLOL. Roasted!} why do you want to mess with Toad for?
Peach: Now wait just one minute...
Fuchsia: No you wait. This is a first for me, not to mention Toad and he's not leaving until he's done eating. (hangs up)
[The whole thing is shown now. Fuchsia laying down on the bed with her legs open and over Toad's shoulders. Toad, head between Fuchsia's legs bobbing up and down while laying on his belly. {. He's eating all right.} Fuchsia's hands on Toad's head.]
Toad: What did Peach want?
Fuchsia: You of course, but you can't leave yet until you eat me. And you better eat me right!
[Peach hangs the phone up on the other side and crosses her legs to the right.]
Yoshi: You look like you caught someone on their mood swing.
Luigi: What's up with Toad?
Peach: (uppity) He's eating Fuchsia.
Birdo: Lucky girl, I want to be eaten out.
Yoshi: No way, you taste bad.
Birdo: (\_/) I taste bad, you never ate me before?
Yoshi: And I won't, you taste bad.
[Back at his house, Toad's on top of Fuchsia, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.]
Toad: I have to do that more often, it was good.
Fuchsia: Yeah it felt nice.
Toad: Well, I'm headed for the castle.
Fuchsia: Kiss me before you go.
Toad: Okay.
Fuchsia: Wait, not my face.
Toad: Where at?
Fuchsia: My crotch.
Toad: If I kiss you down there, I'll have to knock you up.
Fuchsia: ...See you later, Toad.
Toad: Bye.
(Toad gets off of Fuchsia and leaves the room)
Fuchsia: Give him an appetizer, he wants the whole meal. (rubs her leg) Ew, his saliva's on my inner thigh. Thanks a lot Toad, now I have to shower.
Over at Donkey Kongs house...
Diddy: Whoa, what a rush.
DK Jr.: I can't believe we tied.
Diddy: I can't believe this was a draw.
Dixie: Tiny, what do you think?
Tiny: I think I need a smoke.
DK Jr.: Well, I have some more condoms. Now we can switch girls.
Dixie: You're nasty Junior, real nasty. {Can't say it better.}
Diddy: You can't have Dixie, so you might as well call it a draw.
DK Jr.: Okay, it's a draw.
Back at the castle, almost everyone was on someone's lap. Peach was in Luigi's lap, Daisy in Mario's lap, Baby Mario even had Carmine on his lap, though she was sleeping. Birdo was the only girl not on anyone's lap.
Peach: Come on Yoshi, put Birdo on your lap.
Yoshi: No way, she stays off of my lap.
Peach: Is her sitting in your lap going to kill you at all in any physical way?
Yoshi: ......No.
Peach: Birdo, sit on Yoshi's lap.
Yoshi: You better not.
Birdo: Yoshi, me sitting on your lap is one of things that you have to get used to doing with me. It'll help us coexist better. (Yoshi turned his head) Oh come on Yoshi, just this once. If you don't want me to sit on your lap again, I won't.
Yoshi: (quick breath) Fine, fine, come on. It will keep you out of my ass for a while.
(As Birdo sat in Yoshi's lap, Toad walked in the door and observed this)
Toad: And I forgot to bring my camera too, oh well.
Peach: So how was your meal Toad?
Toad: I liked it. I should do that more often to Fuchsia... if she wants me to do that again, that is.
Peach: I see.
Toad: Don't be mad at her, Peach. You just caught her off guard, that's all.
Peach: (-_-) Yeah, Yoshi said she was having a mood swing.
Toad: She probably was. Anyway, why did you call me here for?
Mario: We have to discuss how we're going to end the racing wars.
Peach: I'm open to suggestions, since I have no idea how we're going to do this.
Birdo: "How" isn't the question, it's "Where" you will be racing.
Luigi: Good point.
Toad: It doesn't really matter to me now.
Gang: Why not?
Toad: Because racing in specific spots on either side will give that side an edge. Myself, I say we should take all of our eight flags and race for keeps.
Mario: I like this so far, go on.
Yoshi: Yeah.
Toad: I say we risk our eight flags with theirs and have one last race, winner takes all.
Peach: That's a great idea.
Daisy: But where are you going to race at?
Toad: Huh?
Daisy: You said it yourself Toad, where are we going to find a course that both sides have no clue on what to do?
Luigi: I'm not sure where, but I do know this. Mario should drive this final, and I do stretch the word, final race of Race Wars.
[Scene, outside.]
Toad: Then it's settled, we wager all of our flags and let Mario take us home.
Darkside: Your wish just might come true Toad...
DKR
Diddy made it back as Shadow was sitting on the beach.
Shadow: How does one end a race? A race so close that it must be decided, but can't be? I wonder... Maybe this book will be never ending. An ongoing book with no end, this confuses many a reader who read the book and many a writer who must finish the book.
Diddy: What are you talking about?
Shadow: So I see your back from your sex contest?
Diddy: How'd you know I got laid?
Shadow: Because I saw it. Now, how would like Race Wars to come to an end?
Diddy: Simple. One last race to determine the winner, one last course to race, one last chance to give it all you got and ever had... One... last... ride.
Shadow: This sounds promising. And how would you decide who would do this last ride?
Diddy: No deciding, I would participate in the last ride of course.
Shadow: Against Mario?
Diddy: Hopefully... if he's up to it.
Shadow: And where would you race?
Diddy: I don't know.
Timber: Diddy! Diddy! Diddy, there you are.
Diddy: What's wrong man?
Timber: Our flags, they've been... I mean they're.... well they aren't here.
Diddy: WHAT!?!?!?!
Timber and Diddy went to the place where the RW flags for the DKR side were placed and there was nothing there.
Diddy: Man, there isn't even a trace.
Shadow: When did this happen?
Timber: Just recently.
Shadow: ...........
Timber: What's wrong?
Shadow: She's here, and gone again.
Diddy & Timber: Who?
Shadow: Darkside.
*
Shadow went to find Darkside and succeeded, but she didn't have the flags with her.
Shadow: Where are they, Darkside?
Darkside: Where are what?
Shadow: The RW flags won by the DKR racers?
Darkside: Oh, those things. They're safe and sound, as are the MKR flags.
Shadow: Is this some kind of joke?
Darkside: Not at all. See ya.
Meanwhile, things were starting to look bad for the DKR racers.
Pipsy: How you guys seen her?
Bumper: Not at all.
TT: Same here. (sigh) Let's face it, they're gone.
Diddy: Yeah, and to think that we worked hard for the-
(Diddy had vanished before their eyes)
Bumper: Can someone explain to me what happened?
MKR
Mario: Okay, I'm getting a bad taste in my mouth from all of this, so let's wrap it up. None of you found the flags? (everyone shook their heads) Hmm, I wonder where they went?
Luigi: Yeah, it's not like they could've just vanished into thin air...
(poof)
Luigi: What was that?
Peach: What was what?
Luigi: That poofing sound?
Toad: Teleportation.
Shadow: (teleporting in) I have some news. Darkside has the flags, all sixteen of them?
Peach: She took Diddy's flags too?
Shadow: Yes and she has both captains as well. I couldn't pinpoint the location, but I've been banned from the area by Darkside.
Daisy: Darkside's responsible for this?
Shadow: Yes.
Timber: Hey you guys, do you know where Diddy went? He vanished into thin air?
Shadow: Diddy and Mario are with Darkside.
Timber: Oh. Well where are they at?
Shadow: Uncertain.
Peach: Hey, look at this everyone.
[Peach held a purple envelope in her hand and opened it.]
Fuchsia: What's it say?
Peach: A last ride, two veterans, one shall be a victor at the beginning. {It's Haiku.}
Fuchsia: Interesting poetry.
Luigi: That's poetry?
Fuchsia: (O_O) Toad, where did all of you meet from day one?
Timber: You mean before the Race Wars began?
Fuchsia: Yes.
Timber: At the portals.
Shadow: I get it. At the portals to the other side is where we must wait until someone comes out with sixteen flags. Timber, assemble your friends and meet up at the crossroads.
Timber: Gotcha' Shadow, loud and clear.
Shadow: Let's move everyone.
Unknown
In a place unknown, Diddy and Mario sit in their karts, waiting...
Mario: Do you know where we are?
Diddy: I was kind of hoping you knew.
Mario: Haven't a clue.
Darkside: As you shouldn't. (approaching the two) Welcome to The Night.
Diddy & Mario: The Night?
Darkside: Exactly. here you will decide who wins Race Wars.
Mario: Where's the track at?
Darkside: You're already at the line. Diddy: I just see two lights, one on each side of the road. It looks like we're on a runway.
Darkside: That's all you're going to see. The two of you are already at the starting line, so I might as well explain the race. The Night it a course the lives up to saying, "Let the light guide you." And the two lights on each side of the road are all that you can see.
Mario: So how many laps are we doing?
Darkside: No laps.
Diddy: I don't get it.
Darkside: You have to reach the end of the lights. Where the lights end, the race ends... and it will take you back to where it all began. As for the flags... there is only one flag now. It's at the end of the lights... the first one to it, gets it. Your only advice, stay in-between the lights. Should you fall off... you will fall into limbo, where you will remain forever. This could be the end of Race Wars, you, or both. (laugh) Whenever you both are ready...
Diddy: Ready whenever you are, Mario...
Mario: I was going to say that about you.
(Both racers lined up and took a deep breath)
Diddy: I'm ready now.
Mario: Me too. Let's get this over with, Darkside.
Darkside: Good-bye gentlemen. Go when you see the green light.
[Now playing, "Darkside's Theme".]
Mario: good luck, you'll need it.
Diddy: Same to you, Mario.
The two waited and after the green light flashed, and after being blinded for a few moments, both racers drove off. Meanwhile at the crossroads, everyone waited for the winner.
Taj: Now how long are we going to wait here?
Shadow: We wait here until the winner shows up.
Krunch: And how long is this supposed to take?
Shadow: It's going to take a while, so you might as well grab lunch... and dinner as well.
Krunch: (walking away) See ya'.
Taj: Hey, get back here-
Shadow: Let him go, he'll be back. At least we won't have to deal with him.
Back at the race...
Mario: We've been going straight for almost two minutes now, when are we going to do any turns?
Diddy: What is this, straightforward? What kind of track is that?
[finally a right turn, short, but a turn nonetheless. A hard right came up followed by an medium S-turn.]
Racers: Finally, some turns!
And far away, Darkside watched the race.
Darkside: Hmmm, interesting. This race tests all aspects of racing. First, speed. A long straight-away to rev up your speed, making full potential of your kart. Next is turning, a few easy turns, more medium one and a lot of hard turns. Control is the key. Next, I will test drafting. You should be coming up to the narrowing road where you must travel in a single file... Ah, right on time.
Diddy: Hey, what's up with the road?
Mario: The road's thinning, line up behind me.
Diddy: Fine.
(Diddy lined up behind Mario and they went through the series of divided roads and switched lead a lot. The road finally widened)
Mario: Great, now we don't have to line up anymore.
Darkside: True, but now you have a choice to make. Three ways, one path to limbo, two ways to continue the race... Good luck.
[The two made it to the crossroad with the three roads before them.]
Diddy: Do you know where to go?
Mario: Even if I did know which way leads best, I wouldn't tell you.
Diddy: Fine, but don't follow me.
(Diddy drove down the middle path. Mario sighed and took the left path)
Meanwhile, things are going slow as everyone is still waiting.
Toad: Have you any ideas?
Taj: Nope. What about you?
Peach: This sucks, I hope they finish up soon.
Baby Mario: Can we eat now?
Taj: Not until both sides come back.
Baby Mario: Daisy, will you wake me up when it's time to sleep?
Daisy: Sure Baby.
Peach: Shadow, can you find them yet?
Shadow: No, I can't reach them, it's useless. We'll just have to wait.
Luigi: I just wish we could get an update on how the race is going.
Diddy was having a good way and he came upon a forked road with two choices.
Diddy: Well, it's time to trust your instincts..... got it.
Using his gut, Diddy took the left road instead of the right. Just a few moments after Diddy went down, Mario soon came down the road and without thinking, took the same path as Diddy did. Mario: Great, I didn't even get to choose which way to go. Oh well, no time for turning back now. If I keep up this pace, I might catch up to, or extend my lead over that chump chimp.
(Two left turns later, Mario caught up with Diddy)
Diddy: What took you so long?
Mario: What are you talking about, I was right behind you.
Diddy: I told you not to follow me.
Mario: I didn't, be the lengths we took were about equal to me. Now stop complaining and let's get down to business.
The two racers found themselves going up a hill and at the hilltop sat the flag.
Diddy: There's the flag.
Mario: This race is almost over.
The flag seemed in close, but the lights turned away from the flag as both racers seen.
Mario: I feel lucky, what about you?
Diddy: I see you wanna jump the track to the flag as well? Well, you better beat me to it.
[Darkside watched on her monitor and heard everything.]
Darkside: This is unexpected... both of them heading for limbo in one jump? This is foolish among mortal men, but these two feel they're immortal. We shall see which one decides them, yes.
(Both racers charged at full speed towards the flags. Darkside's excited expression on her eyes was priceless as they jumped off the track to the flag)
Darkside: Here we go.
(The two were really close to the flag, but the monitor went out)
Darkside: Nooooo! (Checking the monitor) Oh, it's just the tape. It's out of time and I can't quickly rewind to catch the finish. Oh well.
[Scene, Crossroads.]
DK: I hope this race ends soon, I'm growing restless.
Krunch: Well, what did I miss.
(Suddenly, the two racers showed up and stopped right in front of them all)
Mario: Hey, we're back.
Diddy: What a gip, I didn't even get the flag.
Timber: You didn't?
Diddy: Nope and neither has Mario.
Mario: There's only one person that can tell us who won, Diddy.
Darkside: (teleports in) Hey.
Yoshi: So who won?
Darkside: I don't know, the tape went out before you grabbed the flag. From the looks of things, it was a draw... and that's all I can say.
Yoshi: This sucks!
Drumstick: Stop whining. It seems that we're equals everyone.
Darion: Well, there's only one thing left to do....
All: What?
Darion: Shake hands and call it a tie.
Judges: Sounds good to me.
Daisy: Baby, wake up.
Baby Mario: Great, it's time to eat.
DK: Yes, we can all eat. But first, I will say that Race Wars is now over. Both sides come forward and shake your rivals hand.
(The racers of both sides stepped forward and shook hands)
Baby Mario: That was fun, we should do this again someday.
Tip Tup: If we do, I won't be nice because you got sick in a race. (both laugh)
Toad: You race well.
TT: You battle well.
Toad &TT: Maybe you can give me a few pointers? Hmf, maybe so.
KT: What do yo want me to say?
Drumstick: Things will change if we ever go toe-to-toe again.
Peach: I like your style, you're all right.
Pipsy: (^_^) Well, I learn from one of the best.
Yoshi: ..........
Bumper: ..........
Yoshi: I have nothing to say.
Bumper: Same here.
Fuchsia: Even though we raced once, it was good to have a partner aside from my boo to spar with.
Berri: Took the words right out of my mouth.
Luigi: You know how to run a track and a battle, Timber.
Timber: You too. Good stuff.
Waluigi: You ain't that tough.
Banjo: Look who's talking?
Wario: You're a tough little rodent.
Conker: You're a tough SOB yourself.
Wario: I always will be.
Bowser: Not bad, "son".
Krunch: You too, "old man".
Shadow: We will race again in the far future, be ready Racer X.
Darion: You just be ready for me, Shadow.
Diddy: We can argue about which one of us really won, but what's the point?
Mario: The point is that we won.
Darkside: My job here is done. Getcha next time people. -----------------------------------------------
Narrative Mario: It's been a week since the end of race Wars and the lot of us have gone from side to side racing on each others tracks. Improving on our skills in all three modes of racing.
Narrative Diddy: Both sides have trophies of the result of Race Wars and they each have the same inscription: To the team of racers who are the badasses of the road... and both of our team initials.
Narrative Mario: Things have been working our for both of us, we even decided to make a powerful treaty that opens all of our courses to each other at all times.
Taj: Things are starting to get better for both sides.
DK: Yup... Want to give them a sequel?
Taj: Maybe. that will be good to see.
Narrative Diddy: It would be nice to race again in another Race Wars... maybe, just maybe it will happen someday...
[In a faraway place, Darkside sits in her chair and found something interesting.]
Darkside: So I had the other camera on? Good, maybe I can finally see what goes on... (O_O) Well, so that's who won. Should I tell them all? Nah, where would the fun be in that? (giggle)
The End!