The Legend of Zelda: The Return

"Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live, taking the form of readiness to die." - G. K. Chesterton

Chapter 10

It's kind of ironic in a way that my best memories of Kokiri forest would be the time I spent there as a 'grown-up.' We stayed there for about four days. Zelda, Impa, and Nabooru spent the time arguing over what our next move should be, and I spent it playing with the Kokiri - something I'd never done as a little kid. They all seemed to find something about the fact that I was a grown-up Kokiri amusing. They had me shoot a full quiver of arrows at things and fought over who got to run after the arrows and bring them back to me, they insisted I show them how I could use the Master Sword (I can't really, but I did a pretty good job of faking it, despite Nabooru pointing and laughing at my attempts), and they were all sorely disappointed when they couldn't meet Epona. And Mido was on top of the world. He made sure everyone knew that he was my protector with Saria gone. It might have been irritating if it weren't for the fact I was still in shock over his change in opinion about me.

All good things must come to an end, however - the Sages couldn't argue forever about what we should do next, and they eventually arrived at a conclusion. Impa and Zelda would ride to Kakariko Village and rally the Sheikah to spread the word around Hyrule about the return of the Moblin army, and Nabooru and I would ride to the desert and stay there until Impa and Zelda got back.

And that is basically how I wound up here - sweating and shirtless, lying on my back on the hard desert ground, covered in red welts, listening to Navi laugh at me from the sidelines, and glaring up at the cocky, skinny, little twelve-year-old girl who just finished kicking my ass with a couple of wooden practice scimitars.

"You're not very good, are you?" She demands, leaning lazily on one of her practice blades.

"Oh ha, ha, funny, Neesha," I say. "Think you're something special, eh?" She smirks at me.

"I beat you didn't I?" She demands. I roll onto my side and hook my foot around her ankle, jerking it towards me. She gasps and loses her balance, falling backwards. I don't waste any time. I jump up and on her, twisting her onto her back and pinning her arms behind her.

"Only because I didn't cheat!" I say brightly. She struggles furiously, swearing at me. It's my turn to smirk.

Normally, there would be very little pride in beating a twelve-year-old girl.

However I am in the Gerudo's Fortress.

And the twelve-year-old girls are practically the only ones I can beat.

Therefore, it's okay to be proud.

I laugh good-naturedly and let her go, getting to my feet. Neesha follows suit and brushes off her purple uniform.

"Yeah well," she says, "Gerudo don't usually wrestle. If we were using real blades you'd have been dead before you could cheat."

"Ha," I say, grabbing my shirt and pulling it on, "if we were using real blades I would have run like a scalded cat and you'd never have been able to catch me." She frowns at me.

"You'd run from combat?" She demands.

"If by combat you mean painful, agonizing, death, then yes. I'd run."

"Cucoo," Navi and Neesha both say at the same time.

"Better to be a living, breathing Cucoo, then a dead or dying duck," I reply glibly. Neesha's frowning darkly at me. "What?" I demand, slinging my quiver over my shoulder. "Why does it matter to you? For love of Nayru, you're a thief! With all the hiding in the shadows, and stabbing in the back, and slitting throats!"

"Being a thief does not make me a coward!" Neesha cries. "I would never run from a fight!"

"There's a fine line between cowardice and common sense, and a finer line between bravery and stupidity," I reply, pulling my hat onto my head. "If you don't know enough to run when you can't win, then you're going to die young."

"Better to die with honour than to live without," she responds fiercely.

"And how much honour is there in a useless death?" I demand, glaring at her. "How much honour is there in a meaningless sacrifice?" The image of Dark Link callously killing those people in front of Zelda flashes in front of my eyes. "Don't chase after Death, Neesha. It'll be all too willing to comply." I turn and walk away, leaving Neesha to stare after me in surprise. I round the corner and lean against the wall with a sigh.

"Wow, you really suck at this whole making friends things, don't you?" Navi asks, settling herself on my shoulder. "We've only been here a week and I can already tell you're going to be popular."

"Shut up," I snap crankily. "It's not my fault Gerudo are the most frustrating people on the face of the planet. I just don't get it! I don't get them! Why are they all so willing to die?"

"It's just the way they are, Link," Navi says rationally. "They're raised that way. It's what they're taught."

"It's stupid," I say unbendingly. "She accuses me of cowardice for being willing to run away, but staying to fight when you can't win isn't any better." I cross my arms and glare up at the sun. "Death is easy, Navi. It's the easy way out. It doesn't take any courage to die, foolishly, for nothing." Navi is silent for a moment, and when she does look at me her expression's unreadable.

"Why are you getting so worked up over this?" She asks, flitting up and in front of my face as I sigh and sink down onto the ground. I rest my arms on my knees and study my gloves intently.

"I just . . . I'm just . . . tired of it," I say finally. "I'm tired of people dying for no reason. Those people at the ranch . . . Dark Link killed them . . . just to get to me. And in the end, they died for nothing, because he didn't get me. And how many people did the Moblins kill in Castletown? You can't tell me they just took everyone prisoner. I know they didn't. I watched a guard in the Palace die. And hey, what do you know, they all died for me too." I scowl darkly at my hands, acutely aware of Navi's gaze on me. "And now Neesha's talking about life and death like they're trivial things. Like Life doesn't matter. All that matters is honour, and pride, and all that other bullshit."

"Link!" Navi cries.

"Well it's true," I snap. "Dying is not honourable. Dying is not something to be proud of. And honour and pride are not worth dying for."

"Then what is?" Demands a sharp voice to my left. I turn and meet Neesha's gaze evenly.

"Life is," I reply, without even having to think about it. "Life is worth dying for. Whether it be yours or someone else's, life is the only thing worth dying for." Neesha frowns at me.

"A nice enough sentiment," she says, "but you're not the first one to say so, and the last one to believe that didn't fare so well." She whirls around and starts off towards the Fortress itself. "Follow me." Navi and I exchange a look before I get to my feet and hurry off after Neesha.

The young Gerudo leads us on a zigzag course through the Fortress and before I know it I'm lost. We're so deep into it now I'm not even getting the feeling of de-ja-vu I get from the front hallways of the place - I guess from the time I supposedly broke into this place to free the Carpenters.

"Where are we going?" I ask Neesha after a few more turns.

"Just wait," she responds. "Sheesh. Are all men so impatient?" I stick my tongue out at her back. I suck my tongue back in, however, when we round the next corner and I see the object of our journey.

"What's this?" I ask. "A statue?"

In the center of the little room we've entered stands a life-size statue of a Gerudo woman. The woman is dressed similarly to Nabooru, and has her hair pulled back into a tight ponytail like the rest of the Gerudo. There's a note of defiance and of authority in her posture, and even her eyes look like she's daring me to do something . . . like she's challenging me to be better. Kind of like the way Nabooru does with her eyes . . . these two are a lot alike. The woman's mouth is curled up into a sarcastic, crooked half-smile, that's achingly familiar. I've seen it somewhere before. At first I think it might be Nabooru it reminds me of, but that's not it . . . Nabooru's smile is close, but not quite. I've seen that exact smile somewhere before.

Well that's going to irritate the Hell out of me until I remember . . .

"Who is she?" Navi asks.

If I stare hard enough at her face maybe I'll recognize her . . .

"Her name was Natalia," Neesha says. "She was Gerudo Leader before Nabooru, and she lead our people under our King in the Great War a long time ago."

Scattered images flicker through my mind.

"So she's here because she's a war hero then?" Navi asks.

I see fire . . . and . . . screaming, there's screaming . . .

"No," Neesha answers. "She's here because she believed as Link did, and it brought her nothing but shame."

I frown and squint up at the woman. These aren't like my usual flashbacks . . . these images are detached and confusing . . . more like impressions and feelings than images really . . . I close my eyes and focus on them, trying to shut out Navi and Neesha and make the images clearer.

"I think you're going to have to elaborate," Navi is saying.

There's fire everywhere . . . and people . . . all kinds of people . . . screaming and fighting . . . I'm scared . . .

" She did the unthinkable," Neesha explains. "As Gerudo, we're not supposed to fall in love. Love is a weakness that can easily be exploited, and besides that our first and only duty is to each other - to our sisters. To fall in love with a man is to deny that, to betray it. And that's what Natalia did. She did worse than that."

We're running . . . away from something . . . someone's chasing us . . . I'm used to that though . . . we're always running . . .

"She fell in love with the enemy," Neesha continues. "Nabooru herself had managed to catch a Sheikah man, and Natalia was put in charge of guarding and questioning him. Unfortunately Natalia was weak, and the Sheikah took advantage of that. She fell in love with him, even though he was scheduled for execution."

He's gone . . . I don't know where . . . I want to know where . . . I want him to come back . . . why did he leave? We keep running . . .

"What did she do?" Navi asks.

She's crying . . . she's never cried before . . . her tears scare me . . . and she's hurt . . . the red wetness running down her side terrifies me . . . I start to cry . . .

"She betrayed us all. She defied our King and freed the Sheikah. Like Link said, she seemed to believe that his life was worth dying for."

Now she's gone too . . . Dead, that's where they said she went . . . I want to go there too . . . why can't I go there? I just want to be with her . . . why can't I go with her?

"That's so sad! What happened to them?" Navi asks.

I can still feel her arms around me . . . I can still feel his arms around me . . . but they're gone . . . both of them . . . I'm alone . . . they went to Dead and left me here . . . I'm alone . . .

"Nabooru hunted them down and killed them," Neesha answers. "Made them both pay for their treason. And Nabooru took over as our Leader."

"I'm alone . . ." I whisper . . .

xxx

"So this is where you've been hiding," Nabooru says, looking at me in surprise. I don't reply, but continue to stare up at the statue of Natalia. Ever since Neesha showed me this two days ago I haven't been able to get it out of my head, and I've spent most of my time here. Nabooru crosses her arms and leans up against the wall beside where I'm sitting. "I see you've found Natalia." I expected her to look at the statue with the same mixture of contempt and disgust that Neesha did, but Nabooru has an altogether different look on her face when she looks at the statue. Her expression is sorrowful, and pained, and heart broken . . . but only for an instant before her usual mask is back up. "Why so interested in her?" She asks me. I look back up at the statue with mixed emotions.

"Because . . . when Neesha showed her to me, when I looked at her, I could almost . . . I could see . . ." I sigh and let my voice trail off. "Never mind," I say. "It doesn't matter. It's not important." Nabooru raises an eyebrow.

"If it's not important then why have you spent the past two days wasting away in here?" Nabooru asks. "Might as well just tell me, kid," she says. "Get it off your chest."

"Fill an upset stomach, empty an upset mind, right?" I ask. Nabooru frowns at me.

"What?" She demands. "You're not making sense." I shake my head and smile.

"Nothing, never mind," I say. "I'm interested in the statue because when I look at her, I can almost remember . . . my parents. Almost, but not quite. I get flashes of memories. Sometimes an image, a sound, a smell. But that's more than I've ever had before." I stare back up at the statue. "For a little while I played with the idea that maybe Natalia was my mother . . . she'd be the right age for it . . . but . . . Neesha said you killed her, so it couldn't have been her." I sigh. "But still . . . it's close . . ."

"Hmm," Nabooru says, and for a moment we both stare silently up at the statue. "I didn't kill her though," Nabooru says quietly. I blink and look up at her in surprise.

"What? But Neesha said . . ."

"Neesha said exactly what I told everyone back then," she interrupts. "I'm not proud of it, but I lied to them." She looks up at the statue and a wry smile flickers over her lips. "Natalia could have kicked my ass twice before I hit the ground. There's no way I would have been able to kill her." She shakes her head ruefully. "And on top of that, she was my best friend. I couldn't be happy for her . . . for falling in love . . . she betrayed us all . . . but I couldn't kill her either. And I couldn't let her die. She had planned on just getting the Sheikah out and then going before Ganondorf and confessing what she'd done. She was going to face her death like a Gerudo." Nabooru's expression twists into one of shame and self-loathing. "So I knocked her out when she turned her back and tied her to her Sheikah's horse. I told him to take her and leave and never come back. And then I told everyone that I'd killed them both. Natalia probably never forgave me for denying her a Gerudo's death, but I just . . ." She sighs. "I was young and stupid, like you, and I didn't want her to die. Ganondorf never believed me, of course, but he was too preoccupied with the war to bother calling me on it. He just kept up his hunt for them to do what I couldn't. And he never let me forget it." Her face twists again into an expression of hatred. "I'd do it again in a heart beat. Gerudo King or no, I'll not follow him." I blink at her.

"But then that means . . . that she could be my . . ." I turn to look back at the statue as that fleeing hope once again dies stillborn inside me. "No . . . no she couldn't. There's only one Gerudo boy born every hundred years, right?" I ask. "And Ganondorf was it. So she still couldn't be my mother." I sigh. "I don't understand why she makes me remember my parents . . ." Nabooru slaps my shoulder.

"Come on, kid," she says. "You can't stay in here forever. And besides, it's lunchtime. If you don't go get something to eat now it'll be all gone."

"Farore forbid," I say. "I'll miss out on the Leevers . . . we both know how much I love those." I throw her a sarcastic, crooked half-smile. She blinks at me and looks back up at the statue as I get to my feet. "Lead the way," I say. "I can find my way in here. Doesn't mean I can find my way out again." Nabooru gives me an odd, scrutinizing look. "What?" I demand.

"Nothing," she says, turning around and heading out of the room. "Never mind. Let's go." I shrug and follow her out.

xxx

I freeze in mid-step and listen. I can hear Nabooru just around the corner and she sounds upset. Damn . . . maybe I shouldn't interrupt her just now . . . I turn to leave.

" . . . this isn't good, Kaepora," she's saying. "If there's a traitor among the Sheikah . . ." I freeze again. A traitor among the Sheikah? Zelda and Impa are with the Sheikah . . .

"Zelda insists there is," a deep voice, Kaepora I'm assuming, replies. "And I'm inclined to believe her. Impa wouldn't just disappear at a time like this. What we're doing is too important. Someone's done something with her."

"Then why didn't they take Zelda?" Nabooru asks.

"I wish I knew," Kaepora responds. "They may be out to disrupt the Sheikah, or gain control of them. If that's the case then Zelda's just not important enough in the Hierarchy to be a threat." I frown. What are they talking about? Zelda's not a Sheikah.

"Tell her to get out of there," Nabooru says. "It's too dangerous. She holds one of the Triforce pieces. She can't let herself get caught by the enemy . . ."

"But neither can we let the enemy gain control of the Sheikah," Kaepora replies. "You've seen what Ganondorf can do with the Gerudo under him. Now imagine if he had Gerudo and Sheikah."

"All right," Nabooru says - I can practically hear the wheels in her head turning. "I'll go to Kakariko. Zelda's going to need help since Impa's gone."

"What about Link?" Kaepora asks.

"What he doesn't know won't get him killed," Nabooru answers. "He's headstrong and impetuous, and we both know how he feels about Zelda. If he finds out they're in trouble . . ." Her voice is grim. "Don't tell him. He can stay here until I get back. He'll be safe here."

"You give the boy little credit," Kaepora says. "He can handle himself."

"No, he used to be able to handle himself," Nabooru says. "I've seen him practicing with Neesha. He doesn't know how to use that sword of his. He'd die in a real fight." Hmph. I would not.

"There are more ways to defend oneself than with a sword," Kaepora answers. "And Link, whether or not he knows it, is quite skilled at them."

"Regardless, he still shouldn't come," Nabooru says. "I'd hate to think of what Ganondorf would do to him if he got his mitts on him. I'm starting to get fond of him and I don't want to see him hurt. Better to just not risk it." Nice to know I'm loved, but still . . .

If she thinks I'm staying behind she's crazy.

"All right," Kaepora says. There's a flapping sound. "I will relay your message to Zelda. Good luck, Sage of Spirit!" A great owl rises into the sky suddenly - funny, that looks like the Owl Saria rode to Lon Lon Ranch. And didn't she call him Kaepora . . .

Ha. I'm going nuts if I'm starting to think that Owl's can talk.

The Owl does two slow circles before soaring off. It looks down at me once and if I didn't know better I'd say it smiled knowingly at me, before disappearing off over the horizon.

Hmm . . . maybe I am going crazy.

"Link!" Nabooru gasps, suddenly rounding the corner. She stares at me in surprise.

"Hey Nabooru!" I say brightly. "You're up late! What are you doing out here?" She relaxes slightly.

"Just . . . taking a walk," she says. "What about you?" I shrug.

"I couldn't sleep," I say. "So I'm going to go ride Epona for a bit." It's not a lie. That's where I had been going when I first overheard her. And it's still not a lie. I am going to go ride Epona for a bit. Kakariko's too far to walk to after all.

"Hmm, don't go too far," she says. "You'll get lost in the desert." I grin at her.

"Wouldn't want that," I say . "Have a good night, Nabooru!" I move past her, still grinning to myself. I pull the Ocarina of Time out of my pouch and start Epona's Song as I walk, doesn't take long for the roan to gallop up to me. I mount her quickly and jab my heels into her sides. She takes off at a run. Navi sticks her head out from under my hat and blinks sleepily at me.

"Where are we going?" She demands.

"Just for a ride," I lie smoothly. "Nowhere important. Go back to sleep." I pull my hat lower down on my head just to emphasize my point. She'll clue in sooner or later. I just want it to be later. The longer I can go without a lecture the better.

That little voice in the back of my head that tells me when I'm being stupid is screaming at me right now. Pointing out that the list time I did something like this I got slashed up and bruised and beat, and I got to watch a few people die horrible painful deaths. But this time there's another voice in there, yelling at the first one, and reminding it that the last time I did something like this I managed to keep a few people from getting slashed up and bruised and beat, and I got to watch a few people keep on living because of it.

If I did it once, maybe I can do it again.

Besides . . .

. . . the desert was getting boring anyway.