XXI.

Pilar was devastated when Fox told her about Theresa's condition. She clutched at Fox as he tried his best to comfort her. "It cannot be!" Pilar cried. Little Ethan looked worriedly at his grandmother and Fox. He wondered why tears littered their faces.

"I-I'll be back." Pilar said hastily.

Fox nodded as he reached for Little Ethan. Pilar kissed her grandson on the forehead and gave Fox's hand a squeeze. Fox looked sadly at Little Ethan. "Poor guy,"
He thought sorrowfully. "You don't really understand what's going on at all."

Little Ethan placed a chubby hand on Fox's nose. Fox made a face as Little Ethan let out a small giggle. "You think that's funny?" Fox said. Little Ethan's eyes danced with laughter. He playfully swatted Fox on the head. "Ouch!" Fox said. "You're strong for a little guy, aren't you?" Fox said. Little Ethan hit Fox on the head again in response. "Why you little," Fox said teasingly. Fox tweaked Little Ethan's nose. Little Ethan giggled. Fox sighed as Little Ethan's blue eyes penetrated his own. "You may not understand what's going on buddy," Fox said softly as Little Ethan listened quietly. "But I know that you can tell something's wrong with your mommy." At the sound of the word "mommy" Little Ethan gazed down. "Your mommy's really hurt." Fox said quietly. Little Ethan looked up at Fox with a worried expression. "I'm afraid for her." Fox admitted. "Your mommy is a really special person, and I~" A sob caught in Fox's throat. He swallowed as his eyes began to glisten with tears. Little Ethan wiped at Fox's eyes. "I really love your mommy, and I don't want to let her go." A few tears escaped Fox's eyes. Little Ethan frowned and wiped at the tears on Fox's cheeks. "Thanks buddy," Fox said as he inhaled slowly.

"Would you look at that?" A nurse said softly to Dr. Livingston as they both quietly observed Fox and Little Ethan from the door of the waiting room. "Isn't that a touching sight?" Dr. Livingston nodded. "That little boy is Theresa's son."

"Theresa." The woman said as tried to match the name with a face. "Oh, she's the woman who was hit by the car?" The nurse asked.

"Yes." The doctor said sadly. "And that man, Fox Crane, I suppose he's Theresa's boyfriend."

"I thought that maybe he was the father." The nurse replied.

"I never thought of that." Dr. Livingston admitted.

"Poor guy," The nurse said sadly. "He's always been beside Theresa's bedside for the last two weeks. He must love her a great deal."

"Yeah, I hated to tell him about Theresa's condition. It broke his heart." Dr. Livingston sighed sadly.

"This must be hard for you two." The nurse said quietly.

"It's like reopening a wound." Dr. Livingston replied quietly. "When I look at Fox, I see myself. It's like I'm watching my past play out again."

"I'm sorry," The nurse said eyeing Dr. Livingston with pity. Dr. Livingston bent his head.

"Theresa hasn't improved?" The nurse asked after a pause.

"No," The doctor said shaking his head. "She hasn't been improving at all."

"She isn't going to make it?" The nurse asked quietly.

"She's barely hanging on as it is." Dr. Livingston replied. "It's going to take a miracle for that woman to make it." Dr. Livingston said.

"Excuse me Doctor." Pilar said softly. "May I speak with you?"

The nurse's eyes held pity for Pilar as she quietly excused herself.

"I- I want to speak with you about my daughter Theresa."

"All right." The doctor said softly. "Would you like to come to my office?"

"Yes please." Pilar said as she followed him down the hallway. Once in Dr. Livingston's office, Pilar sat down in one of the chairs directly across from his desk.

"What can I help you with?" Dr. Livingston said as he sat back in his chair.

"Is it true that my daughter will not be the same if she woke up?" Pilar asked.

"Well," Dr. Livingston paused. "That's always a possibility. She's sustained some very extensive injuries."

"How exactly would she be different?" Pilar asked quietly.

"Theresa's brain may have been damaged. I've consulted with a neurologist. He has told me that Theresa's brain is functioning to some degree. We won't be able to tell how much her brain was damaged from the accident unless she wakes up. You see," Dr. Livingston said as he pulled out a diagram of the brain. "Various parts are used for various tasks. Her motor skills, her coordination, even her memory could be damaged. She may end up having to learn how to speak and walk all over again."

Pilar bent her head as she placed her hand over her mouth. She pressed her lips together tightly. "What's the worst case scenario?" She asked.

"Worst case scenario? Theresa could wake up and be dependent on you and others for the rest of her life. She could wake up and not be able to do anything for herself. She'll be what many term a living noodle."

Pilar closed her eyes and breathed deeply. "Fox has told me that you're going to keep Theresa on life support for another week."

"We can keep her on life support as long as you'd like. However, if Theresa does not make any improvements, I would suggest that she be cut off from life support."

Pilar quickly wiped at the tears that formed in her eyes.

"Anything can happen though," The doctor said. "She may end up improving. We never know."

Pilar nodded. "I just don't think I can let my daughter go," She said tearfully.

"I understand." Dr. Livingston said sympathetically. "I know it's hard. I've gone through the same thing myself." He said quietly.

"You have?" Pilar asked surprised.

"My wife," Dr. Livingston said as he showed Pilar the photograph on his desk. "She had cancer. It had spread to the vital organs of her body, and she was put on life support the last few days of her life. I didn't want to let her go, but I knew she was hurting. I didn't want her to suffer anymore, so~" Dr. Livingston's voice trailed off.

"I'm so sorry." Pilar said quietly. "It must've been very hard for you."

"It was," Dr. Livingston admitted. "It's always hard to lose someone you love, especially when it is your spouse. Time had lessened the pain from losing her, but I won't be quite able to fill that void she left in my heart."

Pilar sat quietly in contemplation. "Is my daughter in pain?"

"We've given her medication to help lessen the pain."

Pilar sighed. "I just don't want her to suffer."

"I understand." Dr. Livingston said as he got up to put his hand comfortingly on Pilar's shoulder. "Nobody wants their loved ones to suffer."

Pilar sighed deeply. "I don't think I could do it."

"Do what?" Dr. Livingston asked quietly.

"Take Theresa off life support. I don't think I'd be able to live with myself." Pilar twisted her hands anxiously.

"I had a hard time too after I had my wife taken off life support. Counseling helped me a great deal though."

Pilar sniffed and wiped her eyes. Dr. Livingston handed her a box of tissue. "Thank you." Pilar said gratefully.

"You're welcome." Dr. Livingston replied. "If there's anything else you need, please ask."

Pilar nodded. "I'm going to go speak with Fox. Thank you for your time Dr. Livingston."

Dr. Livingston nodded. "You're welcome."

Pilar smiled sadly as she watched Fox and Little Ethan interacting from the entrance of the waiting room.

"He really likes you," Pilar said softly as she took a seat beside Fox.

"He's great." Fox said. "He doesn't say much, but it's like he knows exactly how to cheer you up."

"Fox," Pilar began. The tone of her voice sent a chill up and down Fox's spine.

"What is it, Pilar?"

"I just spoke with Dr. Livingston." Pilar said quietly as she took a hold of Little Ethan's hand. Fox looked downwards and gritted his teeth together.

"If Theresa does not improve, what do you think we should do?" Pilar whispered hoarsely.

"I can't even answer that." Fox said, his voice quivering with emotion. "I don't even want to think about that."

"But, Fox." Pilar said. "I hate to say this, but we have to face reality. What if Theresa never wakes up? Do we keep her on life support?"

"What if?" Fox said in disbelief. "Pilar, don't you believe Theresa's going to pull through? Where's your faith?" Fox asked.

"Believe me, Fox." Pilar said, her voice rising. "I have faith. I've been praying my heart out. I've been pleading with God to save my daughter."

"Then why are we even discussing the possibility of Theresa not waking up if you say you have faith."

"Because Fox, whether we like it or not, we still have to prepare for the worst." Pilar said sadly. "My daughter is a fighter, but this is going to be a very difficult battle for her physically and mentally."

Fox sighed. "She shouldn't have to be fighting this battle now. This is all my fault." Fox said as he leaned his head back against the wall.

"What do mean, Fox?"

Fox sighed. Soon after Syd's arrest, Chad had pulled Fox aside and told him about Syd's involvement with the accident. Fox was furious and stopped by the L.A. jail to sound off on Syd.

"I can't believe you!" Fox yelled at her.

"You pushed me to it." Syd retorted. "You backed out of our agreement. I was satisfied knowing at first that she thought that you used her to get to her best friend Latoya hitting Theresa with the car was icing on the cake. In fact, I'm overjoyed that Latoya mistakenly hit her."

"B*tch!" Fox said as he hit the window that separated them. He wished that he could reach over and wring Syd's neck. An officer looked at Fox sternly.

"Remember Fox," Syd said. "You pushed me to it. So don't put all of the blame on me. I did it because of you."

"I had made an arrangement with this woman named Sydney. She was interested in Chad, and at the time, I was interested in Whitney." Fox began explaining.

"What?" Pilar said in disbelief. "But what about Theresa?"

"This was before I realized I was in love with Theresa. Whitney was a foolish infatuation I had for awhile. Anyhow, when I met Syd and found out she was interested in Chad, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to scheme to get Whitney." Fox looked down ashamed. "I'm not proud of what I did, and I can't believe how foolish I was to believe I belonged with Whitney. All along it was Theresa. Theresa was the one my heart belonged to."

"Oh." Pilar said quietly. "But I still don't understand why you think all of this is your fault."

"Well, I backed out of the agreement with Syd to get Chad. She got angry with me and threatened to ruin mine and Theresa's relationship. Syd had apparently talked to Theresa and told Theresa that I had used her to get Whitney."

"Did Theresa believe her?"

"Theresa and I talked. She wasn't as upset as I thought she would be. She had walked off because she said she needed to think. Soon afterwards, she was hit with the car. It's my fault because if I hadn't pursued Whitney in the first place, none of this would have happened."

"You can't blame yourself Fox." Pilar said quietly.

"I can't help it." Fox replied miserably.

"Fox," Pilar said as he reached for his hand. "I don't blame you for any of this."

Fox sighed. "I can't just stop blaming myself instantly."

"Blaming yourself is just a part of coping. I know it's hard, but stop beating yourself up."

"I'll try." Fox sighed. "I want to see Theresa. I'll be back."

Fox handed Little Ethan over to Pilar and walked quickly down the hospital corridor to Theresa's room. He kissed Theresa on the forehead. "Hey beautiful," Fox said softly. "It's me again."

~*~



She feels the world swirling about her as she relives the various memories her mind treasures.

"I love you, Theresa." Fox had whispered to her. "I love you so much it [i]hurts." Fox had said as his voice broke. He had been fighting back his own tears. "I've never loved anyone as much as I love you." He had said with his voice full of emotion.[/i]

"Hey beautiful" she hears "It's me again."

"Fox!" She calls. "I want to come back to you, but I don't know how!" She cries. "How do I get back?" She looks around, but sees nothing before her.

Faces of those she cares about spin about her. She tries to reach out for them, but they seem so far away. She hears the cry of a baby as she instantly thinks of her son. "Mommy wants to come back, but she doesn't know how." She says desperately. "Someone, tell me how to get back." She says, wondering if there is anyone listening to her. A bright light appears before her eyes as they sting with pain. Her eyes begin watering. Tears slip out of the corners of her eyes.

"Oh my God," she hears Fox saying "She's crying. Good God Almighty, she's crying! Theresa!" She hears him call.

The light shines more brilliantly. It fills the void of the darkness. She senses a presence and calls out to it."Who are you? Can you help me?" She asks desperately. "Please, help me. I need to go back."

"You cannot go back." A voice whispers. It seems to be composed of a myriad of other different voices all speaking in unison. The light flickers as the voices speak to her.

"Why?" She asks in disbelief. "I [i]have to go back! I refuse to leave everyone I love. I'll do anything to go back to them." She pleads. "I'll give anything."

"You will have to make a sacrifice then." The voices whisper to her.

"What kind of sacrifice?" She asks.

"It's something many treasure. In an instant, it can be taken away." The voices murmur. "New ones are made, old ones are replaced. There is no limit to how many you make, but it is not permanent. It is limited by the attention you give it.

The light begins to fade away. "Wait!" She calls desperately. "Where are you going?"

"Time is running out. You must hurry and make your decision." The voice says faintly.

"What if I agree to make the sacrifice?" She asks warily.

"Life will appear different to you. Something will be missing." The voices whisper.

"Will I lose someone?" She asks worriedly.

"No. However, you will lose something. It is part of the unconscious forces that are a part of being human."

She still does not fully comprehend.

"It is time to go now," The voices say faintly. She feels her soul being pulled away from her body.

"I'm not ready to go!" She cries as she resists. It is no use. Her strength is gone. "I'll sacrifice whatever it is. I'll do it! Please, let me go back!" She cries in urgency.

"Are you sure?" The voices question.

Doubt pervades her decision. "If I make that sacrifice of whatever it is," She begins. "Will I ever get it back?"

"In time, it may be returned." The light begins to dim.

"Okay," She says determinedly. "I'll do it."

"So be it." The light disappears. She then feels an ethereal sensation of reconnection. However, she feels something missing. Sweet air fills her lungs. She greedily sucks it in. Her body feels weighted down. It throbs with pain as her fingers twitch slightly. Her eyes open slowly. She sees a shadow before her, but the pain is too great for her eyes to focus. Her eyelids close. [/i]

"Oh dear God, C'mon Theresa, wake up." Fox reached for her hand and squeezed it encouragingly.

She tries to open her eyes again. She feels the warmth in her palm as she tries to squeeze back. Her hand seems to not want to cooperate with her. She manages to open her eyes and blinks. The room about her spins wildly. Suddenly, everything before her takes solid form. She turns her head slowly and finds herself gazing into deep brown eyes.

"Oh Theresa," Fox said happily. "You're awake! I knew you would come back to me!"

She opens her mouth as if to say something. Her throat is dry.

"What is it?" Fox asks. "C'mon Theresa, what is it?" Fox encouraged.

"Who's Theresa?" She asks confused. "And who are you?"