A/N: Just.something.I had to write. I wanted to see this from Ax's eyes
more than anything. So, I wrote it. Even though I'm really bad at writing
Ax, I'm going to try this anyway. I know he is WAY out of character, but
Tobias has just been through a traumatizing experience, and I'm sure Ax is
shaken up enough to act oddly because of it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Ax, Tobias, or anyone. Sorry.
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst
Summery: Ax musing about the relationship between himself and Tobias, and what he felt being the first one to see Tobias after #33. Fits between the second to last and last chapters of The Illusion.
Authoress: Innocent Blood (Tobias_Ax_Shorm@yahoo.com)
Title: Shorm
I watched him sleep, for lack of anything better to do? What else could I do? He'd been through what Marco kept referring to as hell, and I couldn't possibly understand. I had not been able to save him, just like I had been unable to help my brother. I hated myself for that.
Tobias, my shorm. My very best friend, my "nephew". When we'd first returned to my scoop he had morphed human, collapsed on the ground, and cried. Cried like small Andalite children do, all the while yelling nonsense, that I finally decided was what had happened to him. Worst of all, he kept yelling for his father. For Elfangor, my brother. And I did not know how to help him!
The idea came to me almost from somewhere else. I am sure my own brain did not think of it, but if it was the Ellimist that said it, I could not hate him for this idea. Because it worked. I morphed to my human form, got down on my knees, and wrapped my arms around his chest as I had seen Jake and Cassie do several times. I had understood that it was not appropriate for two male humans to do it, but there was no one else there. And Tobias and I aren't really human anyway.
I was still surprised, however, when he relaxed in my touch. When he turned around, buried his head in the curve between my human shoulders and neck, and sobbed.
"I couldn't.She wouldn't.it didn't stop! The pain, the memories! Make them stop, make them go away! Take them all away!" It made my hearts, heart, feel sick to see him like that. Warriors do not cry, and yet that is what I felt like doing.
"I cannot." I hated admitting it, yet he had to understand. "I would if I could, but I cannot!" He looked up at me, and I chocked. He looked so much like Elfangor at that moment, as I had seen him only once after one of his best friends had been killed while fighting beside him. I now knew what the humans on The Young and the Restless felt when they said their hearts were breaking. I did not enjoy the feeling at all.
"It was bad Ax," Tobias chocked. He sounded broken, defeated. " Really bad. I tried to.I tried too." He sobbed again, leaning his head against me again. "I just wanted it to stop, but I couldn't tell her. I couldn't give Rachel, or you, or the others too her. I couldn't give away those I had cared about. This was my pain to bear alone."
"You are not alone." I said firmly. "You never were." It was true. I had, and I was confident that Rachel as well, had been thinking about him since the moment she'd come back to report that they had gotten separated. I am ashamed to admit it, but I lost control then. I had never been thrilled about the idea of Tobias going in with only Rachel for back up, or even having him go at all, but I would never defy my prince. But the rage I felt at having lost my shorm was over whelming, and I am afraid that Rachel received some of it unjustly. I will apologize for it later.
"I really thought I was going to die. For a while I hoped.I thought I had." He was trembling; tears falling now silently down his face. He was broken, defeated, but I knew he would rise above it. He was my brother's son after all.
"I would not have let you die." I soothed him as best I could. "We were coming for you. We would not have let you pass to the other side, not alone." To my surprise, he laughed. Not a real laugh though, for it was joyless sound.
"As great as Andalites are, Ax, they aren't all powerful. If I would have had the courage to die, I would have." For a moment I froze, while comprehending what he had said, before carefully forming my reply and controlling the anger in my voice. What I was angry at, I was not sure, but I knew I was.
"To die does not take courage. Dieing is the way out of cowards. It is living and fighting that takes courage." Tobias said nothing; just lay there with his head on my shoulders, and sitting across my lap. I did the only thing I could think to do. I sang him a lull-a-bye, that Elfangor had often sang to me when I was young and frightened. To try and put it into human words would be folly, and Tobias did not know what the words meant, and yet it worked anyway. As we sat there he calmed, relaxed, and finally slept.
Now he is lying, curled up on his side, and in a sleep so deep that even nightmares cannot reach him. For this I am glad. I morphed back into my normal self soon after he fell asleep, and I know that he has only fifteen minutes left before he must be wakened to demorph or else remain as a human nothlit.
*Give me one good reason why I should wake you, * I told his slumbering mind. *Give me a good reason why I should not just let you sleep past the two hour mark, and have you remain human where you would be safe from the danger, and away from the pain. One reason why I shouldn't do this to protect you. *
Because he would hate you for it, I answer myself. Because he would be angry with you, and pull further away from you than he is most likely going to over the next few days. Because he doesn't need that kind of pain on top of all else. Because he is Elfangor's son, born to fight, born to cry, and perhaps even born to die as a warrior.
*Not if I can help it, * I said, looking up at the countless stars humans could see. *He will not die in this fight. And I dare him, the Yeerks, or even the Ellimist to try and stop me! * This said, I bent down, and began trying to awaken him. The next few months would not be a picnic for either of us, but we'd get through it. Together.
END A/N: Well, it's done. Not extremely well, I'm not even in the ballpark with Ax's character, but I still kind of like it. What do you think?
Gambatte Kudasai,
IB.
Disclaimer: I don't own Ax, Tobias, or anyone. Sorry.
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst
Summery: Ax musing about the relationship between himself and Tobias, and what he felt being the first one to see Tobias after #33. Fits between the second to last and last chapters of The Illusion.
Authoress: Innocent Blood (Tobias_Ax_Shorm@yahoo.com)
Title: Shorm
I watched him sleep, for lack of anything better to do? What else could I do? He'd been through what Marco kept referring to as hell, and I couldn't possibly understand. I had not been able to save him, just like I had been unable to help my brother. I hated myself for that.
Tobias, my shorm. My very best friend, my "nephew". When we'd first returned to my scoop he had morphed human, collapsed on the ground, and cried. Cried like small Andalite children do, all the while yelling nonsense, that I finally decided was what had happened to him. Worst of all, he kept yelling for his father. For Elfangor, my brother. And I did not know how to help him!
The idea came to me almost from somewhere else. I am sure my own brain did not think of it, but if it was the Ellimist that said it, I could not hate him for this idea. Because it worked. I morphed to my human form, got down on my knees, and wrapped my arms around his chest as I had seen Jake and Cassie do several times. I had understood that it was not appropriate for two male humans to do it, but there was no one else there. And Tobias and I aren't really human anyway.
I was still surprised, however, when he relaxed in my touch. When he turned around, buried his head in the curve between my human shoulders and neck, and sobbed.
"I couldn't.She wouldn't.it didn't stop! The pain, the memories! Make them stop, make them go away! Take them all away!" It made my hearts, heart, feel sick to see him like that. Warriors do not cry, and yet that is what I felt like doing.
"I cannot." I hated admitting it, yet he had to understand. "I would if I could, but I cannot!" He looked up at me, and I chocked. He looked so much like Elfangor at that moment, as I had seen him only once after one of his best friends had been killed while fighting beside him. I now knew what the humans on The Young and the Restless felt when they said their hearts were breaking. I did not enjoy the feeling at all.
"It was bad Ax," Tobias chocked. He sounded broken, defeated. " Really bad. I tried to.I tried too." He sobbed again, leaning his head against me again. "I just wanted it to stop, but I couldn't tell her. I couldn't give Rachel, or you, or the others too her. I couldn't give away those I had cared about. This was my pain to bear alone."
"You are not alone." I said firmly. "You never were." It was true. I had, and I was confident that Rachel as well, had been thinking about him since the moment she'd come back to report that they had gotten separated. I am ashamed to admit it, but I lost control then. I had never been thrilled about the idea of Tobias going in with only Rachel for back up, or even having him go at all, but I would never defy my prince. But the rage I felt at having lost my shorm was over whelming, and I am afraid that Rachel received some of it unjustly. I will apologize for it later.
"I really thought I was going to die. For a while I hoped.I thought I had." He was trembling; tears falling now silently down his face. He was broken, defeated, but I knew he would rise above it. He was my brother's son after all.
"I would not have let you die." I soothed him as best I could. "We were coming for you. We would not have let you pass to the other side, not alone." To my surprise, he laughed. Not a real laugh though, for it was joyless sound.
"As great as Andalites are, Ax, they aren't all powerful. If I would have had the courage to die, I would have." For a moment I froze, while comprehending what he had said, before carefully forming my reply and controlling the anger in my voice. What I was angry at, I was not sure, but I knew I was.
"To die does not take courage. Dieing is the way out of cowards. It is living and fighting that takes courage." Tobias said nothing; just lay there with his head on my shoulders, and sitting across my lap. I did the only thing I could think to do. I sang him a lull-a-bye, that Elfangor had often sang to me when I was young and frightened. To try and put it into human words would be folly, and Tobias did not know what the words meant, and yet it worked anyway. As we sat there he calmed, relaxed, and finally slept.
Now he is lying, curled up on his side, and in a sleep so deep that even nightmares cannot reach him. For this I am glad. I morphed back into my normal self soon after he fell asleep, and I know that he has only fifteen minutes left before he must be wakened to demorph or else remain as a human nothlit.
*Give me one good reason why I should wake you, * I told his slumbering mind. *Give me a good reason why I should not just let you sleep past the two hour mark, and have you remain human where you would be safe from the danger, and away from the pain. One reason why I shouldn't do this to protect you. *
Because he would hate you for it, I answer myself. Because he would be angry with you, and pull further away from you than he is most likely going to over the next few days. Because he doesn't need that kind of pain on top of all else. Because he is Elfangor's son, born to fight, born to cry, and perhaps even born to die as a warrior.
*Not if I can help it, * I said, looking up at the countless stars humans could see. *He will not die in this fight. And I dare him, the Yeerks, or even the Ellimist to try and stop me! * This said, I bent down, and began trying to awaken him. The next few months would not be a picnic for either of us, but we'd get through it. Together.
END A/N: Well, it's done. Not extremely well, I'm not even in the ballpark with Ax's character, but I still kind of like it. What do you think?
Gambatte Kudasai,
IB.