Boromir, king of bad posture, was slouching in his chair, bored. He was thinking about sleeping when he felt a tug on his pants. Frowning, he looked down and saw the faces of the two hobbits who ran into the meeting.
He grinned. Pretending to drop a spoon, he ducked his head under the table. "Bored?" He asked.
"No," Pippin whispered, handing him the envelope. "Read it!" Boromir came out from under the table and put his spoon back next to his very empty plate. He made sure the Health Consultant wasn't looking and sank to the floor. He crawled next to the hobbits and opened the envelope. He read the letter quickly, and smiled.
"Sounds like she'd go crazy if someone mentioned one of these 'twinkies." Boromir looked at the pictures. "You know, we could probably make something that looks like this. With, say... lembas and cream?"
He formulated a plan in only a few minutes. "I know of a way to get rid of her. Will you help me?"
Merry and Pippin nodded. "We're in it together," Merry said, determined.
"Good," Boromir told them. "I need you two to get a few plates. I'll get everything else."
They all inconspicuously sat in their seats. The hobbits swiped their plates with ease and swiftly put them under the table. Boromir, however, had a harder time.
He scouted the table for the ingredients of the twinkies. The cream was right by his plate, but the lembas was placed towards the middle of the table. He was thinking bashing his head against the table in frustration when he saw Aragorn playing with a spoon. That gave him an idea.
Boromir picked up his fork and twanged the prongs. After a few seconds of that he flung the fork. It landed deep in 3 cakes of lembas. He leaned across the table and grabbed the fork and cakes, babbling, "I'm sorry! Didn't think that would happen! Won't do that again!"
He stole a glance at Pegean. She just nodded as though it wasn't a problem and went back to lecturing. He swiped the cream bowl quickly and sat back in his chair. A pair of hands from beneath the surface took the food.
Boromir dove under the table again, and crawled to where the hobbits were waiting for him. "Alright," Boromir whispered. "Here's what we'll do."
He used the fork to spread a dollop of cream on the middle of the lembas, and rolled the cake up expertly. It resembled the twinkie in the picture only if you didn't look at it closely. They proceeded to make two more "twinkies", placed them strategically on the plate and covered them with the second plate.
Boromir then told them about the rest of the plan. The two hobbits nodded to show they understood. Showtime.
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
Pegean carefully looked over Sam's frying pan. "Mister Samwise, do you clean this after every time you use it?" she asked, scraping burnt flakes of who knows what off the inside with French Manicured Fingernails.
Sam looked at her, angry. "Lady, I'll have you know I wash that every time there is water nearby. And if there isn't, I do it the next time there is!"
"Yes, but do you boil your water before cleaning?" she retorted, not taking his hint. "Boiled water kills bacteria. You could get sick if you don't." She gave the pan back to Sam who sat down with a disdainful glare.
Boromir, who was back in his chair by this time as well as the other two, knocked on the table 3 times hard, paused, then 2 more times. That was the signal to carry out the plan. He took a deep breath.
He strode to the head of the table and turned to face the council. "Strangers from distant lands, friends of old," he boomed. "You have been summoned here to answer the threat of Cholesterol. Middle-Earth stands upon the brink of fate - this one doom." He glanced at Pegean then said, "Bring forth the twinkie, Merry."
Merry got out of his seat and took the covered plate to Boromir. He set it on the table between the Health Consultant and Elrond and lifted the top plate. Pegean gasped and backed away from the one twinkie resting in the center of the dish.
The Council murmured among themselves, partly because of the deja-vu and partly because they had no idea what a deep-fried twinkie was. Soon, they realized what was going on and played along.
"So it's true..." Frodo whispered.
An unimportant genius said, "The doom of man!"
Frodo grinned. "It is a gift," he told everyone. "A gift to the foes of Cholesterol! Why not use this twinkie?" He got up from his chair and paced. "Long has my uncle, Bilbo Baggins, kept the forces of Cholesterol at bay. By the stomachs of our hobbits are your lands safe! Give Hobbiton the, um, WEAPON of the enemy? Let us use it against them!"
Boromir grumbled to himself. "I don't sound like that!"
"You can't wield it!" Sam said. "None of us can! The Twinkie answers to Cholesterol alone. It has no other master."
"Sam is right," Gimli said. "The Twinkie must be destroyed."
Pippin jumped out of his seat. "Then what are we waiting for?" he roared. He dashed to the platter, grabbed the Twinkie and crammed it into his mouth. Pegean screamed. Pippin said with his mouth full, "ARGH!!! Hey, thith ithn'th tho bad!"
Boromir discreetly dropped another 'twinkie' on the plate. "The Twinkie cannot be destroyed, Peregrin Took, by any stomach we here possess. The Twi-"
"Sure we can!" Pippin interrupted. He grabbed the second twinkie.
"NOOOOO!!!" Pegean screamed. She reached for the twinkie, but Pippin backed away. "Don't worry," the hobbit told her. "I'll get some of the grease out!" He squeezed the cake and some cream squirted out.
Pegean shrieked as Pippin shoved it in his mouth. After swallowing, he gasped for air, staggered around and dropped into her the Health Consultant's lap.
"What have I been telling you?" she sobbed. "You're doing what Doris and Cindy did!"
The hobbit jumped up. "No I didn't!" he said cheerfully. "Because they didn't have 3!" He slowly reached for the third twinkie.
The Health Consultant screamed and leapt to her feet. "I've had it! I've tried to give you advice but you wouldn't take it! Forget the $250 bill! I'M LEAVING!" She slammed her briefcase shut and stormed out the door.
Everyone cheered except for Gandalf. "My pipe!" he groaned.
Boromir grinned like a schoolboy. He held up the box that 'used to be' in the briefcase with the captive pipes inside. Gandalf never looked so relieved.
After the cheering, everyone didn't talk, they just dove into the food like wild animals (even the elves if you can believe that!).
The door opened again and Legolas peered inside. "Is she gone?" he asked nervously.
"Yes!" An elf said. Legolas sat down next to him and proceeded to stuff is face with food while the other elf told him what had happened.
With full stomachs and hearts, the Council of Elrond had perhaps their most memorable meal together.
~The End~
Thank you for reading my 'first' fan fic. Tell me what you think so I can be wary of things when I write more stories. ^_^
He grinned. Pretending to drop a spoon, he ducked his head under the table. "Bored?" He asked.
"No," Pippin whispered, handing him the envelope. "Read it!" Boromir came out from under the table and put his spoon back next to his very empty plate. He made sure the Health Consultant wasn't looking and sank to the floor. He crawled next to the hobbits and opened the envelope. He read the letter quickly, and smiled.
"Sounds like she'd go crazy if someone mentioned one of these 'twinkies." Boromir looked at the pictures. "You know, we could probably make something that looks like this. With, say... lembas and cream?"
He formulated a plan in only a few minutes. "I know of a way to get rid of her. Will you help me?"
Merry and Pippin nodded. "We're in it together," Merry said, determined.
"Good," Boromir told them. "I need you two to get a few plates. I'll get everything else."
They all inconspicuously sat in their seats. The hobbits swiped their plates with ease and swiftly put them under the table. Boromir, however, had a harder time.
He scouted the table for the ingredients of the twinkies. The cream was right by his plate, but the lembas was placed towards the middle of the table. He was thinking bashing his head against the table in frustration when he saw Aragorn playing with a spoon. That gave him an idea.
Boromir picked up his fork and twanged the prongs. After a few seconds of that he flung the fork. It landed deep in 3 cakes of lembas. He leaned across the table and grabbed the fork and cakes, babbling, "I'm sorry! Didn't think that would happen! Won't do that again!"
He stole a glance at Pegean. She just nodded as though it wasn't a problem and went back to lecturing. He swiped the cream bowl quickly and sat back in his chair. A pair of hands from beneath the surface took the food.
Boromir dove under the table again, and crawled to where the hobbits were waiting for him. "Alright," Boromir whispered. "Here's what we'll do."
He used the fork to spread a dollop of cream on the middle of the lembas, and rolled the cake up expertly. It resembled the twinkie in the picture only if you didn't look at it closely. They proceeded to make two more "twinkies", placed them strategically on the plate and covered them with the second plate.
Boromir then told them about the rest of the plan. The two hobbits nodded to show they understood. Showtime.
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
Pegean carefully looked over Sam's frying pan. "Mister Samwise, do you clean this after every time you use it?" she asked, scraping burnt flakes of who knows what off the inside with French Manicured Fingernails.
Sam looked at her, angry. "Lady, I'll have you know I wash that every time there is water nearby. And if there isn't, I do it the next time there is!"
"Yes, but do you boil your water before cleaning?" she retorted, not taking his hint. "Boiled water kills bacteria. You could get sick if you don't." She gave the pan back to Sam who sat down with a disdainful glare.
Boromir, who was back in his chair by this time as well as the other two, knocked on the table 3 times hard, paused, then 2 more times. That was the signal to carry out the plan. He took a deep breath.
He strode to the head of the table and turned to face the council. "Strangers from distant lands, friends of old," he boomed. "You have been summoned here to answer the threat of Cholesterol. Middle-Earth stands upon the brink of fate - this one doom." He glanced at Pegean then said, "Bring forth the twinkie, Merry."
Merry got out of his seat and took the covered plate to Boromir. He set it on the table between the Health Consultant and Elrond and lifted the top plate. Pegean gasped and backed away from the one twinkie resting in the center of the dish.
The Council murmured among themselves, partly because of the deja-vu and partly because they had no idea what a deep-fried twinkie was. Soon, they realized what was going on and played along.
"So it's true..." Frodo whispered.
An unimportant genius said, "The doom of man!"
Frodo grinned. "It is a gift," he told everyone. "A gift to the foes of Cholesterol! Why not use this twinkie?" He got up from his chair and paced. "Long has my uncle, Bilbo Baggins, kept the forces of Cholesterol at bay. By the stomachs of our hobbits are your lands safe! Give Hobbiton the, um, WEAPON of the enemy? Let us use it against them!"
Boromir grumbled to himself. "I don't sound like that!"
"You can't wield it!" Sam said. "None of us can! The Twinkie answers to Cholesterol alone. It has no other master."
"Sam is right," Gimli said. "The Twinkie must be destroyed."
Pippin jumped out of his seat. "Then what are we waiting for?" he roared. He dashed to the platter, grabbed the Twinkie and crammed it into his mouth. Pegean screamed. Pippin said with his mouth full, "ARGH!!! Hey, thith ithn'th tho bad!"
Boromir discreetly dropped another 'twinkie' on the plate. "The Twinkie cannot be destroyed, Peregrin Took, by any stomach we here possess. The Twi-"
"Sure we can!" Pippin interrupted. He grabbed the second twinkie.
"NOOOOO!!!" Pegean screamed. She reached for the twinkie, but Pippin backed away. "Don't worry," the hobbit told her. "I'll get some of the grease out!" He squeezed the cake and some cream squirted out.
Pegean shrieked as Pippin shoved it in his mouth. After swallowing, he gasped for air, staggered around and dropped into her the Health Consultant's lap.
"What have I been telling you?" she sobbed. "You're doing what Doris and Cindy did!"
The hobbit jumped up. "No I didn't!" he said cheerfully. "Because they didn't have 3!" He slowly reached for the third twinkie.
The Health Consultant screamed and leapt to her feet. "I've had it! I've tried to give you advice but you wouldn't take it! Forget the $250 bill! I'M LEAVING!" She slammed her briefcase shut and stormed out the door.
Everyone cheered except for Gandalf. "My pipe!" he groaned.
Boromir grinned like a schoolboy. He held up the box that 'used to be' in the briefcase with the captive pipes inside. Gandalf never looked so relieved.
After the cheering, everyone didn't talk, they just dove into the food like wild animals (even the elves if you can believe that!).
The door opened again and Legolas peered inside. "Is she gone?" he asked nervously.
"Yes!" An elf said. Legolas sat down next to him and proceeded to stuff is face with food while the other elf told him what had happened.
With full stomachs and hearts, the Council of Elrond had perhaps their most memorable meal together.
~The End~
Thank you for reading my 'first' fan fic. Tell me what you think so I can be wary of things when I write more stories. ^_^