Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb

Chapter 10

Two weeks later, Caroline started to prepare for life outside the Givens Center. She had considered staying with her parents in Peshtigo, a warm cocoon against the real world. But Caroline had discussed this with Dr. Hope, and sooner or later Caroline would have to face the outside world again. When she did, Dr. Hope said it would be better if she started out by staying at a halfway house, among others with similar problems, to enforce some discipline in her life, and to give her a partial buffer from the stresses of daily life on the outside. Wherever she lived, she would need to start working again. Caroline decided that she wanted to remain a cartoonist, and the best place to restart her career would be back in New York.

Caroline nervously called Del at his Cassidy Greeting Cards office. "Hey Del, it's Caroline. Do you have time to talk, I know you must be busy."

"Hey Caroline! No, I have time, I don't have any meetings for awhile. What's up?" Del asked.

Caroline was hesitant "Well Del,… I'll get right to the point… I was wondering… what are the chances of getting a job as a cartoonist at Cassidy?"

"Caroline, I would love to have you working here!" Del exclaimed. Caroline was relieved and excited. "But…"

Caroline's insecurity showed "I knew it! They don't want a drunkard on the staff! "

"No, that's not it, Caroline! God, if that were true, half the staff would be gone. Assuming you stay on the wagon, and make your deadlines, Dad and my sister Vanessa don't care about that. In fact, being a drinker puts you on Dad's good side. But there were some hard feelings on Dad's, and especially my brother Garner's part, about you abandoning Cassidy for Eagle Greetings." Del mumbled this next sentence "In fact, they may be under the impression that you were the one that lured me away from the family business."

"What?!!" exclaimed Caroline. "Where would they have gotten that idea?"

Del continued to mumble "I sort of told them that when I came back… But hey! Don't you worry! I'm sure I can talk them into bringing you back. My family's not the type to hold grudges… Actually, they are, but when it comes to dollars and cents, they quickly forget them. If you can make them money, they'll be glad to have you back. But they'd want to see that you're reliable, they'd want you to work at the office."

"That won't be a problem, Del. I don't know where I'll be staying yet, but it probably won't be big enough to work out of. Anyway, I need some financial stability. I need a staff job with a regular salary, instead of working as an independent, like before. I need money now, and I know I won't be able to command an advance with cartoon Caroline out of stores and newspapers for so long."

"Hmm… Well Caroline, since Cassidy would be taking a chance on you, paying you without any money coming in initially, your starting salary wouldn't be very high. And knowing Sis, she'd want a bigger piece of the pie – part of the action from your comic strip business as well as greeting cards. We can probably work out a deal where we pay you a fairly low salary, but you'd get a commission based on the amount of business you bring in."

Caroline swallowed hard. She'd be making a lot less money than before. "Well… I don't like it, but I guess I did this to myself. I don't have too much choice if I want to get back into the business. I suppose that I have to agree."

"There's another problem, Caroline. A lot of newspaper owners and shop owners are angry about missed strips and cards. Your distribution network will be starting at zero again" Del warned.

"I didn't expect this to be easy" Caroline replied.

"The good news is, the newspaper and shop owners also don't carry grudges when dollar signs are involved. 'Caroline in the City' still has a lot of fans. They don't know anything about your problems. In fact, I hope you don't mind, but one of the last official acts of Eagle Greeting Cards was to issue a statement that you would be taking a hiatus from "Caroline in the City" for awhile, sort of like that Garry Treudeau guy with "Doonesbury". There's still demand for your product. If anything, your 'hiatus' has increased demand. It'll be hard work, but I'm sure we can get a lot of newspapers and shop owners back on board… You go ahead and make your plans to come back to New York. I'll call you back when everything is set at Cassidy."

"Thanks Del. I really appreciate this" said Caroline.

******

Two weeks later…

Annie, Del, and Charlie were at La Guardia airport, waiting by the end of a Jetway to greet Caroline. Annie held an "I heart Caroline" sign, Del carried a small bouquet of flowers, while Charlie held a bunch of balloons.

When Caroline emerged from the Jetway, they all shouted "Surprise!", then greeted her. All at the same time, Annie said "Welcome back, hun!", Del said "It's great to see you!", and Charlie said "Hey, Caroline!"

Caroline, genuinely surprised, flashed a glowing smiled. She reached them and said "Oh you guys, this is a great surprise!" and hugged them all. When the hug broke, Del handed her the flowers, and Charlie handed her the balloons. They all started walking (except Charlie, who skated) towards the baggage area.

Caroline asked "Annie, did you call the halfway house?"

"Yeah, everything's set. They're expecting you today" replied Annie.

The made small talk as they made their way to pick up Caroline's bags. Then Annie worked into the conversation "You know who's missing from this picture? Richie. He should be here."

Caroline stiffened at the mention of Richard's name. "Oh, I doubt if he wants to see me" she replied.

Richard, waiting semi-hidden in an airport gift shop, saw Annie give him a subtle wave off with one hand, and sadly watched as Del, Caroline, Annie, and Charlie passed by.

******

Caroline's first day at Cassidy Greeting Cards was familiar, yet strange. She knew most of the people, although two plus years at Eagle Greetings and most of another without working had produced a few new faces. But she had always worked from her loft, and had only really become friends with Charlie and Del. Caroline had a cramped little office. There were just four walls and a door, it had no windows. It had a couch, where she could sit or lay down when trying to come up with ideas. Del had thoughtfully decorated the place with some Caroline cartoons, which she had left at Annie's. But most of the space was taken up by her familiar old partners desk, which Caroline had requested Del have moved from storage. Having something familiar to work on would help, she thought. It was one of the few things that she hadn't sold when she had held a garage sale, at a time when she was desperate for money. She just couldn't part with it – there were too many memories. Del and Charlie came by to welcome her, of course. Vanessa, Del's sister, and president of the company had come down to give her a formal welcoming speech. Caroline knew that Garner, Del's brother, also worked at Cassidy, but she didn't see him that day. Caroline passed some fellow cartoonists in the hall, such as Audrey Gerson, a robust woman, who had created "Flower Friends", and Trevor Bracknell, a timid elderly man, who contrary to appearances, had created the macho, violent "Sergeant Buck". All of them were nervously polite to her. "Must have heard I'm a drunk" Caroline thought.

******

Caroline's first two weeks back at work had been harder than expected. For the most part, the people were fine. As Caroline got to know the others at Cassidy, they became friendlier to her. She had always made friends easily. Only Garner had given her any problems. Despite the fact that Del had much more experience, and at higher positions, he resented the fact that Del had abandoned the family business, then came back and got promoted above him. Garner's resentment of Del spread to Caroline, plus he had always blamed Caroline for Del's leaving Cassidy in the first place. Whenever they were alone, where no one else could hear, Garner always made a snide remark to Caroline. Caroline never told anyone about it. "Why should I?" she thought. "Who'd believe me? I'm a drunk, he's part of the owner's family, and he's high up in the company. Anyway, he would just say he's kidding. Besides, most of what he implies is true."

When she was alone in her office, Caroline had plenty of quiet to think creatively, as opposed to the nearly constant chaos at her previous workplace, her old apartment. But the truth was, the constant interruptions and interactions with friends gave Caroline welcome relief, and provided inspiration for many of her strips and cards.

But her biggest problem was, Caroline also had to spend many hours on her "second job". Starting from scratch again meant Caroline had to meet and greet many potential customers. She knew she was in a precarious position at Cassidy, bringing in no income, so there was enormous pressure to sign up newspapers and shops, and fast. Potential buyers expected her to be friendly… maybe more… and refusing to join them for at least one "friendly drink" was pretty awkward. When Caroline saw Del walk by, she asked him to come in.

"Del, I'd like to talk to you about something."

"Sure, Caroline, what is it?" Del said as he entered and sat down.

"I know you're paying me, and I'm not bringing any money into Cassidy yet, but I need an assistant. I'm trying to build a backlog of strips and cards, and I'm meeting and greeting potential customers. And as much as I love working again, my top priority is staying sober. I can't just work a lot of hours, I have to spend evenings and weekends at the halfway house, attending meetings and talking with other recovering alcoholics."

"When would you need this person?" Del asked.

"Tomorrow?" answered Caroline, hopefully.

"Well Caroline, I have to tell you that you're skating on thin ice here. I'll try to get the company to hire an assistant, but I can't promise anything. Probably the best I could do would be for Cassidy to spring for half an assistant's salary. Would you be willing to pay the other half from yours?" Caroline nodded. "Okay, Cassidy will probably agree to that, I'll check with Sis. I'll get back with you in a little bit, and if the answer is yes, you can hire whoever you want." Del shook his head "You know Caroline, it may be hard to find a person who qualifies. You need a good artist, who will be willing to work for low pay and start tomorrow. Good luck." Del got up and left.

"You forgot to add, Del, I need somebody who already knows me, somebody who understands how I work, somebody I can trust.  I don't have time to show them the ropes. Oh, I'm never gonna find someone like that" Caroline thought, discouraged.

Then an unbidden thought forced it's way into Caroline's consciousness "Richard". Despite her effort to suppress it, the thought stayed there, just as it had several times the past two weeks. "I don't want to think of Richard… I just do" she thought. "Maybe it was a mistake to bring the partners desk here. It reminds me too much of our times together. I don't want to be near him… but I need him. What should I do?" she pondered. "I need to talk to Annie."

******

"Hi Annie. Thanks for coming down here and meeting me for lunch."

"No problem… you're paying right?... No problem, I know how busy you are, and I'm not working until tonight."

After they ordered, Annie asked "It sounded like you wanted to discuss something when you invited me to lunch. What's up?"

"It's work, Annie. I can't skip my AA meetings, and between all the strips, cards, and meetings, I can't get everything done. I've gotten permission to hire an assistant. I need a good artist that's willing to work for low pay, and someone I can trust" explained Caroline.

"Sounds like a certain creature of the night we all know" replied Annie.

"Oh Annie, I'm not sure I want to see Richard… I'm not sure I'm ready to see him... Besides, after what I said to him, I doubt if he wants to see me. Do you know what he's been up to?" asked Caroline.

Annie weighed her next words carefully. She knew Richie cared about Caroline. He cared enough that, even though he desperately wanted to call her, he refrained for fear of upsetting her emotional balance. Richie had asked Annie to gently sound Caroline out about contacting her, asking Annie to not even let her know he was asking about her. "Oh great" thought Annie. "I'm back to keeping secrets from Caroline for Richie. Well, she has to face him sooner or later. She has a right to know some things. Ready or not, I'm gonna tell Caroline the truth – at least part of it."

"Funny you should ask" Annie finally answered. "Ma's been keeping up with him, they've become friends. He visits her at Aunt Camille's in Paramus weekly. How weird is that?... Anyway, Gomez and Morticia have split."

"Really?" responded Caroline, acting surprised.

"Yeah, and Richie is working as a painter."

"Oh" replied Caroline, disappointed. "If he's finally making money doing what he loves, he won't want to work for me."

Annie laughed "No sweetie, he's not slopping paint on canvas, he's slopping paint on apartment walls. He hates it! It may mean a pay cut, but believe me, you'd be doing him a favor by offering him a job."

"Oh Annie, I don't know… What if things don't work out?"

"C'mon, Caroline! It's not like you're gonna marry the guy or something! You need help at work, what can it hurt to ask? If he says no, no harm done. If he says yes, you tell him it's strictly business. If things get too awkward, you can him! He won't mind, he'll just go back to painting apartments."

"I guess you're right. Thanks for the advice, Annie."

"Hey, how about that? I'm givin' you advice for once. I hope it works out."

******

The next day, Caroline nervously awaited Richard in her office. She had left a message on his machine, asking him to come in to discuss business. Caroline had arrived early, wanting to arrange everything just so. She had agonized over what to wear. She wanted to appear attractive, but not too sexy. She wanted to appear businesslike, but not unfriendly.

Promptly at nine o'clock, Richard appeared at the door. As usual, he was dressed all in black – shirt, pants, and coat. He stood, locked in place. Caroline and Richard eyes locked, they held their breaths for what seemed like an eternity.

"So…" Richard started.

"So…"

After another long pause, Richard again broke the ice. "You wanted to discuss business?"

"Business… uh, yes. I need an assistant, Richard. I can't afford to pay much, your salary'd be the same as before. What do you say?" Caroline said, trying to smile expectantly.

"The money's fine, Caroline. I'd still be at the poverty level, what else is new? But as for working here with you… do you think that's such a good idea?" Richard asked.

"Richard, I understand if you don't want to work with me, after the horrible things I said to you the last time we met."

"No! That's not what I meant, Caroline! I know that was just the bottle talking."

"It's very generous of you to say that" said Caroline. "Especially since I was sober at the time" she thought.

"I mean… how do you feel about me? I abandoned you for months, just when you needed me most" Richard could barely choke the last words out.

"Oh Richard… I know you're my friend. I know that it was Julia's jealousy that kept you away… A marriage is more important than a job, a wife more important than a former boss, I understand."

"Thank you for understanding, Caroline" Richard said, thinking "I hope she never guesses the real reason." Then he added "But there's something else I have to tell you…"

"If you mean the fact that you and Julia have separated, Annie told me yesterday" said Caroline "Plus, I already knew" she thought. "I know what you're thinking, Richard. You being here every day, and my pining over you will drive me over the edge. Well, don't worry, I'm over you now. Besides, I'm not gonna be in any relationships for awhile. I learned in group therapy that it's not a good idea to start a relationship too soon after recovery, you're too emotionally vulnerable, and prone to making rash decisions. I want us to be friends, but just friends. The last time I had feelings for someone… I let them get out of control, and the drinking made it worse. I don't want to do anything that puts me at a higher risk of falling off the wagon. Right now, my highest priority is staying sober."

Richard was visibly relieved – but in the back of his mind, also disappointed. "In that case" he said, "What would like me to start on?"