First Lessons
Author's Note: This is the chapter I was stuck on but I woke up early the other morning, and this jumped into my head. It is longer than most of the other chapters, and there was even more of it, but that will have to wait until the next chapter is almost finished too. I hope you like this. I am actually quite happy considering how much trouble with it. Now I am a bit stuck on the next chapter :)
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The sound of the door slamming, after Snape's sudden arrival, was followed almost immediately by a small squeak of terror and the sound of shattering crystal. The crystal cauldron he had been awarded upon completion of his Potions Master qualification, most recently being inspected by his new guest, hit the floor and broke into a thousand little pieces.
The sound shook him from his anger and contemplation of what he would do to Malfoy if he chose not to apologise to Jane, or if any other, ANY other student, no exceptions, decided they would try anything. He stopped and looked up, suddenly thrust back into reality, his anger at Malfoy's behaviour still clearly visible.
As he watched, the girl moved quickly until her back was against the wall. She stood rock still, tense, staring at him wide eyed in fear at what she had done, barely even daring to breathe.
"I'm - I'm sorry," she stammered, fearful of his reaction, fearful of the punishment that would come. She had been bad, very bad this time, she could tell by the look on his face. She had been touching his things, and now she had been caught, and worse than that she had broken something. Of course, he would send her back now, but even if he didn't, Jane could think of far worse alternative punishments.
Snape looked from the terrified girl to the pieces of the shattered crystal on the ground. He had been proud of that particular award. Without even thinking, he waved his hand nonchalantly at the pieces of crystal. "Reparo."
The pieces returned to their former, homogenous form, and the cauldron returned to its normal position. He sat down at his desk and dropped his head to his hands, suddenly weary. He briefly forgot about Jane, standing, terrified, awaiting punishment.
After a few moments, the silence in the room struck him as unusual for some reason. The room seemed even more still than normal. He wondered why she was being so quiet, and an uncomfortable feeling crept into the back of his mind. Gods, he had forgotten about her!
Looking up, Snape saw that Jane was still there, against the wall, frozen stiff, wide eyed, a look of terror on her face. He felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. His unchecked anger, anger directed not at her, but rather the one who had been responsible for threatening her, had been responsible for the fear she was now displaying. He would have to remember he was no longer alone. He knew it would be difficult after a lifetime of solitude, but he couldn't afford to fail.
Snape sighed, now angrier at himself than he had been at Malfoy. "Jane, I am sorry. It was my fault. I shouldn't have startled you like that. Please forgive me."
He got no response.
"Jane. look. It is repaired, no damage has been done." He levitated the cauldron across the room to his hands, and turned it over and over. "See, you would never even know. It is alright. Come over here and look."
There was still nothing from the petrified child.
With hands that suddenly shook, Snape placed the crystal cauldron gently on his desk. What had he done? He stood, eyes fixed now on the girl, and moved across the room. He watched as she tried to make herself even smaller, shrinking back against the wall, and he stopped suddenly aware that she thought he meant to hurt her.
He reached out, but dropped his arm when it elicited a small, illiterate whimper. Instead, he dropped to his knees on the hard, stone floor, as if praying for forgiveness, so he wouldn't tower over her. "Jane, I am terribly sorry. I am not angry at you. It isn't your fault. I would be grateful if you would forgive me."
Jane, still frozen by terror, looked at the man on his knees before her, and tried to decide the best course of action. She knew he was going to hurt her, but she didn't think she could get past him. She was cornered. She didn't move. She didn't dare.
"Jane, please." Snape's words trailed off as the realisation of what he had done struck home. Pomfrey had warned him of this. Dumbledore had warned him of this. And, yet, he had gone and done it anyway.
Stiffness overtook his not-quite-healed body, and he winced, suddenly aware of how not-quite-healed he was, particularly after spending the previous night on the floor, cradling Jane in his arms after her run-in with Malfoy. It had earned him some trust, he had seen it in her eyes that morning, so at the time it had seemed to be worth it, but now he had gone and undone all that hard work with one foolish action. Damn his anger! Where was his much lauded self-control when he needed it?
He dropped his head, ashamed at himself, dark hair covering his face. "I'm sorry." He finished gently, backing away before slowly rising and moving to his desk. Sitting, heavily, he buried his head in his hands, suddenly overwhelmed by weariness, and his body started to shake as exhausted muscles made their presence felt.
Jane contemplated the dark haired man from her defensive position against the wall. She could see his body shaking. She watched him for a few minutes more to be sure he wouldn't attack her again, then moved quietly towards the door.
Snape looked up when he heard Jane moving. Now she was at the door and about to walk out of his life. He had no idea of the look he gave her, it no longer mattered. He had lost her, pushed her away - she was gone. He rested his head in his hands again, resigned to ending his days alone. He had expected and deserved nothing less.
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As Jane reached the door, freedom close now, she froze, as he looked up. There were lines of pain and sadness etched on his face, the anger long gone, and she realised that he was, indeed, sorry. He looked just like she felt: hurt, scared, uncertain, alone. She watched as his head rested again on his hands, exhausted body still shaking, and without warning concern for him flooded though her, pushing away her terror at his earlier anger.
Jane released her grip on the knife and moved away from the door a little. He didn't look up. It may have been a trap, she wasn't sure, but deep down, somewhere deep inside her, Jane doubted it was. He had held her the previous night, the whole night. She had been startled when she had awoken in his arms. His despair was no trick, nor was the exhaustion she now saw. She knew he was sorry and she knew wasn't going to hurt her.
Jane moved closer, unheeded, and touched his head gently. He made no move, so she stroked his hair. "Are you alright? Do you need the nurse?"
The concern in Jane's voice, along with the gentle touch, obliterated Snape's barriers and he looked up, desperately trying to control the tears that threatened to overcome him at the near disaster that had only just been averted.
"Thank you, no, that won't be necessary." He answered hoarsely. He was startled when he felt her wrap her arms around him.
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Ron and Harry looked at Hermione as she sat down near them at the common room table. Putting her pile of books down and arranging her parchment and quills, she didn't acknowledge her two friends. She was quiet and tense, worried about Jane's absence from class, and Snape's odd behaviour, particularly towards Malfoy. They were supposed to have their first lesson that evening, but Hermione wasn't sure that was a good idea under the circumstances.
Ron was the first to speak. "So what do you reckon that was all about?"
Harry kicked him under the table. "Shut up you idiot."
Ron rubbed his leg. "What was that for?" He asked in a whiny voice.
"You are so dense sometimes. Really!"
"Oh, will you two shut up just for once!" Hermione snapped, exhausted by their seemingly constant bickering.
They both stopped and looked at her hurt. "Sorry Hermione." Harry apologised quietly.
Hermione sighed and put down her quill. "So am I," she apologised in return. "I am just worried about Jane. She wasn't in class, something must have happened to her." She added.
"Snape, the evil git." Ron hissed.
"No." Hermione shook her head. "I don't think so. I really don't think he would hurt her from what I have seen. No, I think it was someone else."
"Malfoy." Harry groaned. It would certainly explain Snape's strange behaviour in class.
"I agree, that is more likely, given the way Professor Snape acted in class today." Hermione agreed. "The only problem is we are supposed to be having our first lessons tonight and I am a bit worried things may not go smoothly."
"Don't go." Ron suggested.
"That would disappoint Professor McGonagall and the Headmaster."
"Yeah, I guess you are right. Maybe Snape will cancel them."
"Maybe." Hermione didn't hold out much hope of that.
Ron and Harry looked at one another and nodded. "Now that the secret is out, how about you tell us about the girl? Maybe it will help." Harry suggested.
Realising she wasn't going to get any work done, Hermione put her parchment and quills away. "I guess it wouldn't hurt, but you have to promise not to tell anyone. Not even Ginny okay?"
When both boys nodded, Hermione started to tell what she knew of Snape's new friend Jane.
**********
"That sounds so cool." Ron whispered, eyes shining.
Harry and Hermione both looked at him with disdain, aware of how un-cool it would actually be. Sometimes their pureblood friend had no idea of the Muggle world. Hermione had judiciously left out the bits about the rape and sexual abuse. No one needed to know that.
"Do you really think that?" Hermione asked quietly.
Ron looked at her. "What do you mean?"
Harry, who understood about not being wanted by family, knew what Hermione was getting at. "Think Ron. You have a wonderful family that loves you. You have great parents, and you have a happy home. What if you didn't? Can you imagine how bad her life must have been before if she thinks that living with Snape is good?"
Ron looked like he had just been attacked by Peeves bearing Neville's Mimbulus mimbletonia. "Eurgh! Crikey."
"Now you get it."
Hermione eyed Harry and Ron. She didn't like Harry's methods, but it had got the message through. Sometimes Ron could be really dense. She stood suddenly and picked up her books. "I've got to go."
Harry and Ron watched, a little worried, as she passed through the portrait hole.
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Well, what do you think? Was it worth the wait? Was it worth the pain? Please, please review this.. I feel it is a little different to the rest of the chapters, perhaps just a little darker, do you agree?
Author's Note: This is the chapter I was stuck on but I woke up early the other morning, and this jumped into my head. It is longer than most of the other chapters, and there was even more of it, but that will have to wait until the next chapter is almost finished too. I hope you like this. I am actually quite happy considering how much trouble with it. Now I am a bit stuck on the next chapter :)
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The sound of the door slamming, after Snape's sudden arrival, was followed almost immediately by a small squeak of terror and the sound of shattering crystal. The crystal cauldron he had been awarded upon completion of his Potions Master qualification, most recently being inspected by his new guest, hit the floor and broke into a thousand little pieces.
The sound shook him from his anger and contemplation of what he would do to Malfoy if he chose not to apologise to Jane, or if any other, ANY other student, no exceptions, decided they would try anything. He stopped and looked up, suddenly thrust back into reality, his anger at Malfoy's behaviour still clearly visible.
As he watched, the girl moved quickly until her back was against the wall. She stood rock still, tense, staring at him wide eyed in fear at what she had done, barely even daring to breathe.
"I'm - I'm sorry," she stammered, fearful of his reaction, fearful of the punishment that would come. She had been bad, very bad this time, she could tell by the look on his face. She had been touching his things, and now she had been caught, and worse than that she had broken something. Of course, he would send her back now, but even if he didn't, Jane could think of far worse alternative punishments.
Snape looked from the terrified girl to the pieces of the shattered crystal on the ground. He had been proud of that particular award. Without even thinking, he waved his hand nonchalantly at the pieces of crystal. "Reparo."
The pieces returned to their former, homogenous form, and the cauldron returned to its normal position. He sat down at his desk and dropped his head to his hands, suddenly weary. He briefly forgot about Jane, standing, terrified, awaiting punishment.
After a few moments, the silence in the room struck him as unusual for some reason. The room seemed even more still than normal. He wondered why she was being so quiet, and an uncomfortable feeling crept into the back of his mind. Gods, he had forgotten about her!
Looking up, Snape saw that Jane was still there, against the wall, frozen stiff, wide eyed, a look of terror on her face. He felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. His unchecked anger, anger directed not at her, but rather the one who had been responsible for threatening her, had been responsible for the fear she was now displaying. He would have to remember he was no longer alone. He knew it would be difficult after a lifetime of solitude, but he couldn't afford to fail.
Snape sighed, now angrier at himself than he had been at Malfoy. "Jane, I am sorry. It was my fault. I shouldn't have startled you like that. Please forgive me."
He got no response.
"Jane. look. It is repaired, no damage has been done." He levitated the cauldron across the room to his hands, and turned it over and over. "See, you would never even know. It is alright. Come over here and look."
There was still nothing from the petrified child.
With hands that suddenly shook, Snape placed the crystal cauldron gently on his desk. What had he done? He stood, eyes fixed now on the girl, and moved across the room. He watched as she tried to make herself even smaller, shrinking back against the wall, and he stopped suddenly aware that she thought he meant to hurt her.
He reached out, but dropped his arm when it elicited a small, illiterate whimper. Instead, he dropped to his knees on the hard, stone floor, as if praying for forgiveness, so he wouldn't tower over her. "Jane, I am terribly sorry. I am not angry at you. It isn't your fault. I would be grateful if you would forgive me."
Jane, still frozen by terror, looked at the man on his knees before her, and tried to decide the best course of action. She knew he was going to hurt her, but she didn't think she could get past him. She was cornered. She didn't move. She didn't dare.
"Jane, please." Snape's words trailed off as the realisation of what he had done struck home. Pomfrey had warned him of this. Dumbledore had warned him of this. And, yet, he had gone and done it anyway.
Stiffness overtook his not-quite-healed body, and he winced, suddenly aware of how not-quite-healed he was, particularly after spending the previous night on the floor, cradling Jane in his arms after her run-in with Malfoy. It had earned him some trust, he had seen it in her eyes that morning, so at the time it had seemed to be worth it, but now he had gone and undone all that hard work with one foolish action. Damn his anger! Where was his much lauded self-control when he needed it?
He dropped his head, ashamed at himself, dark hair covering his face. "I'm sorry." He finished gently, backing away before slowly rising and moving to his desk. Sitting, heavily, he buried his head in his hands, suddenly overwhelmed by weariness, and his body started to shake as exhausted muscles made their presence felt.
Jane contemplated the dark haired man from her defensive position against the wall. She could see his body shaking. She watched him for a few minutes more to be sure he wouldn't attack her again, then moved quietly towards the door.
Snape looked up when he heard Jane moving. Now she was at the door and about to walk out of his life. He had no idea of the look he gave her, it no longer mattered. He had lost her, pushed her away - she was gone. He rested his head in his hands again, resigned to ending his days alone. He had expected and deserved nothing less.
**********
As Jane reached the door, freedom close now, she froze, as he looked up. There were lines of pain and sadness etched on his face, the anger long gone, and she realised that he was, indeed, sorry. He looked just like she felt: hurt, scared, uncertain, alone. She watched as his head rested again on his hands, exhausted body still shaking, and without warning concern for him flooded though her, pushing away her terror at his earlier anger.
Jane released her grip on the knife and moved away from the door a little. He didn't look up. It may have been a trap, she wasn't sure, but deep down, somewhere deep inside her, Jane doubted it was. He had held her the previous night, the whole night. She had been startled when she had awoken in his arms. His despair was no trick, nor was the exhaustion she now saw. She knew he was sorry and she knew wasn't going to hurt her.
Jane moved closer, unheeded, and touched his head gently. He made no move, so she stroked his hair. "Are you alright? Do you need the nurse?"
The concern in Jane's voice, along with the gentle touch, obliterated Snape's barriers and he looked up, desperately trying to control the tears that threatened to overcome him at the near disaster that had only just been averted.
"Thank you, no, that won't be necessary." He answered hoarsely. He was startled when he felt her wrap her arms around him.
**********
Ron and Harry looked at Hermione as she sat down near them at the common room table. Putting her pile of books down and arranging her parchment and quills, she didn't acknowledge her two friends. She was quiet and tense, worried about Jane's absence from class, and Snape's odd behaviour, particularly towards Malfoy. They were supposed to have their first lesson that evening, but Hermione wasn't sure that was a good idea under the circumstances.
Ron was the first to speak. "So what do you reckon that was all about?"
Harry kicked him under the table. "Shut up you idiot."
Ron rubbed his leg. "What was that for?" He asked in a whiny voice.
"You are so dense sometimes. Really!"
"Oh, will you two shut up just for once!" Hermione snapped, exhausted by their seemingly constant bickering.
They both stopped and looked at her hurt. "Sorry Hermione." Harry apologised quietly.
Hermione sighed and put down her quill. "So am I," she apologised in return. "I am just worried about Jane. She wasn't in class, something must have happened to her." She added.
"Snape, the evil git." Ron hissed.
"No." Hermione shook her head. "I don't think so. I really don't think he would hurt her from what I have seen. No, I think it was someone else."
"Malfoy." Harry groaned. It would certainly explain Snape's strange behaviour in class.
"I agree, that is more likely, given the way Professor Snape acted in class today." Hermione agreed. "The only problem is we are supposed to be having our first lessons tonight and I am a bit worried things may not go smoothly."
"Don't go." Ron suggested.
"That would disappoint Professor McGonagall and the Headmaster."
"Yeah, I guess you are right. Maybe Snape will cancel them."
"Maybe." Hermione didn't hold out much hope of that.
Ron and Harry looked at one another and nodded. "Now that the secret is out, how about you tell us about the girl? Maybe it will help." Harry suggested.
Realising she wasn't going to get any work done, Hermione put her parchment and quills away. "I guess it wouldn't hurt, but you have to promise not to tell anyone. Not even Ginny okay?"
When both boys nodded, Hermione started to tell what she knew of Snape's new friend Jane.
**********
"That sounds so cool." Ron whispered, eyes shining.
Harry and Hermione both looked at him with disdain, aware of how un-cool it would actually be. Sometimes their pureblood friend had no idea of the Muggle world. Hermione had judiciously left out the bits about the rape and sexual abuse. No one needed to know that.
"Do you really think that?" Hermione asked quietly.
Ron looked at her. "What do you mean?"
Harry, who understood about not being wanted by family, knew what Hermione was getting at. "Think Ron. You have a wonderful family that loves you. You have great parents, and you have a happy home. What if you didn't? Can you imagine how bad her life must have been before if she thinks that living with Snape is good?"
Ron looked like he had just been attacked by Peeves bearing Neville's Mimbulus mimbletonia. "Eurgh! Crikey."
"Now you get it."
Hermione eyed Harry and Ron. She didn't like Harry's methods, but it had got the message through. Sometimes Ron could be really dense. She stood suddenly and picked up her books. "I've got to go."
Harry and Ron watched, a little worried, as she passed through the portrait hole.
**********
Well, what do you think? Was it worth the wait? Was it worth the pain? Please, please review this.. I feel it is a little different to the rest of the chapters, perhaps just a little darker, do you agree?