Caroline in Richard's Mother's Womb

Chapter 15

Caroline and Richard did take things slowly for the next few weeks. They would go out every Friday night, and sometimes on Sundays, if Caroline broke her "date" with Mark, her AA sponsor. But Caroline never let anything interfere with her AA meetings on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. Staying sober was still the top priority in her life. But somehow, Caroline had completely forgotten about discontinuing her Antabuse alcohol aversion medication, and had never mentioned it to Mark or her fellow AA members.

Caroline and Richard sometimes saw each other on weekends during the day also, but not that often, because they still had the mundane chores of life to take care of - laundry, grocery shopping, etc. Also, they both wanted to spend some time on their separate interests - going out with Annie for Caroline, painting for Richard. Although Caroline dreaded his neighborhood, they usually ended up going back to Richard's apartment after a date. They could never tell when Annie would be at the apartment that she and Caroline shared on a Friday night, and they wanted some privacy. They would sit on Richard's bed, kissing and groping, and both, though extremely aroused, hesitated to go further, each for their own reasons. One night, while they sat on his bed, Caroline noticed a tarp in the corner of the apartment.

"What's that?" she asked.

"What?" Richard answered.

"That" Caroline answered and pointed to the tarp.

"Oh... that's a tarp."

"I know it's tarp. What's under it? I've seen the tarp before, but never paid attention to it. I thought it was just piled high. But now that I look at it, it looks like it's covering something."

"Oh... it's just some old paintings, Caroline. I'm sure you wouldn't be interested" Richard answered in his smug way that infuriated Caroline.

"Richard... just because I don't understand most of your paintings, doesn't mean I don't enjoy viewing them. What I really enjoy is you explaining them to me, the passion and feeling that you put into them... Please show them to me" Caroline pouted, and at the same time, she batted her big brown eyes at him.

Richard couldn't refuse Caroline "Oh... alright". He hesitantly got up, walked over to the corner, removed the tarp, and brought a stack of paintings over to the bed. The subject of each and every one was Caroline. In some she was still, in others active, in some she was clothed, in others not, some were as realistic as a photograph, in another she had three breasts. But all of them depicted a sweet, loving woman with an outer and inner beauty beyond compare.

Caroline was amazed and surprised. "Richard...! All these paintings… are of me! They're amazing. When did you paint these?"

"After you... we... stopped working together. I stopped seeing you for six months. I couldn't be with the real thing, so I created these poor substitutes for you. Julia hated that I painted these, but she knew I had to have some sort of outlet, she thought these would help me get over you. But she was wrong. These just reminded me of how much I was missing, and I wanted you more."

Caroline had always considered herself "cute", but not really very pretty, and certainly not a beauty. She was the "girl next door". "Richard... do you really see me like this? The woman in these paintings... she's so beautiful."

"They're nothing compared to what's in front of me now" Richard said, as he tenderly stroked her cheek.

Their last inhibitions melted away. The night turned out to be very special...

******

Caroline got back to their apartment late one Wednesday night. Annie noticed that Caroline seemed particularly stressed out. She asked Caroline "Hey hun, how are things at work?"

Caroline replied "Oh Annie... you'd think with some success, things would get easier, but they don't. Expectations are higher at Cassidy now. And I still have to spend a lot of time schmoozing potential clients... putting on a fake smile, trying to laugh off their flirtatious come-ons, having to come up with an excuse to get out of 'just one friendly drink'."

"I thought Richie helped you out there" said Annie.

"He does... many times. He always wants to go. But we're busy! Somebody has to get the actual work done while I try to drum up new business." Caroline complained plaintively "Oh Annie, why can't I just draw my strip? That's hard enough to do."

Annie wrapped her arms around Caroline and tried to comfort her.

Caroline wanted a drink.

......

Caroline took her daily Zoloft antidepressant tablet, and noticed it was the last one in the bottle. "Damn!" she thought. "I'd better pick some up before tomorrow. But we're so busy, the deadline's only a few days away. Maybe I'll wait until the rush is over. What's a few days? I haven't felt depressed in a long time."

......

Caroline was rushing through the hall at Cassidy Greeting Cards, when Garner, Del's brother, stopped her to make a snide remark. He always did that when they were alone.

"Caroline! What's the rush?... Slow down, have a drink... Oops, sorry... But it's not like anything you do matters... You'll never get fired, you've got big brother wrapped around your little finger."

......

Caroline was walking down the street towards a nearby restaurant for a meeting with potential clients. As she walked, she saw coming in the opposite direction, a mother with her ten year old retarded child. The mother held both his hands, her right arm crossed in front of his chest, to prevent him from losing his balance as they moved down the street. As Caroline approached, the boy uttered "Ahh... ahh... ahh...", agitated at the sight of a stranger. As she passed, Caroline greeted "Good evening!" The mother looked up wordlessly for just an instant, distracted by her son's agitation. Caroline saw she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. "How sad" she thought.

......

The restaurant meeting with the potential clients was coming to a successful conclusion.

"Well, little lady, I think we can do business. Let's celebrate, what do you say?"

"Oh, I don't know..."

"Oh, c'mon... I wasn't going to say anything, but for a cartoonist, you seem awfully glum. You could use some cheering up... C'mon, I'll pay for the first round."

Caroline was sad. For some reason, the image of the sad mother and her son kept ricocheting around in her brain during the meeting. She could use some cheering up. What could one little drink hurt?

"Okay!"

......

Richard was busy painting, when he heard a gentle tapping at his door. "Who could that be?" he wondered. Richard opened the door to see a somewhat tipsy Caroline standing before him.

"Caroline, what are you doing here?" He quickly smelled her breath. "Have you been drinking?"

"Is this my home?"

"Excuse me?"

"Is this my home? You once said "Home is where, when you go there, they have to let you in". So I wanna know, is this my home?"

"Come on in" Richard sighed. "Tell me what happened. Although I can guess."

"Things have been rough lately, Richard, you know that. I needed a drink, just to take the edge off. Just an eensy teensy little one. But one led to two, which led to three…"

"What about the Antabuse?" asked Richard.

"It was making me sick. I stopped taking it."

"Oh, Caroline" he clucked.

"Anyway, Annie caught me with liquor on my breath, and kicked me out. I need a place to stay. Could I please stay here, Richard?"

"Caroline, you know how I feel about you. But as much as I care about you, that's not what you need right now. You need to be in a place with more structure. You need to go to back to the halfway house. And you can't afford any more relapses! It's a good thing you didn't go off on a bender and miss work. Despite your solid work for the past five months, you still have an iffy reputation at Cassidy Greetings. Look, if you go to the halfway house and stay clean for awhile, I'm sure I can convince Annie to give you another chance."

"I guess I really don't have any choice, do I, Richard?"

"No, Caroline."

"Oh Richard, is the rest of my life gonna be like this – for every step forward, there's one step back?" Caroline sighed.

"I don't know, Caroline. You just have to face each day, one day at a time. Remember, you're the one that told me that, when you were talking about your recovery. C'mon, let's go to Annie's, pick up a few things, and I'll take you to the halfway house."

"Okay Richard" she sighed, as the both walked out the door.