Chapter 31 - The Birthday Gift
OK, I didn't want to leave you all wondering, so here is the next chapter. I guess I should just clear up one little thing. My assumption is that the Dark Mark is a PERMANENT connection between the Death Eaters and Voldemort. While it is possible that Snape didn't attend the call in GOF, and there is some question in my mind about whether he attended, not a big one, but a question none the less, I think Voldemort would have the power to use it as a "get here now" device if he wished to. For my purposes, Voldemort would make a call to his loyal follower, and if it wasn't answered in a timely manner, it would become more insistent to the point where Cruciatus would be preferred. Hope this explains why Severus attended, regardless of his mental state or the anticipated outcome. I know there is no basis in canon for this, but it is just the way I expect it would work, after all, Voldemort is a nasty piece of work.
As for the rating dilemma, I have posted a new fic that contains the R- rated chapter, and will contain another in a few chapters time. I will do my best to make this version include enough of what happens in the chapters in question that you won't miss out if you choose not to read, but I can't promise I will be successful, and I can almost guarantee that there will be a reduction in the impact of the chapters.
Thanks again for your feedback on this, your continued support and your reviews. It is very much appreciated that you take the time out, not only to read my story in the first place, but to comment.
As always, I don't own anything here except Jane. JKR owns the rest, and I promise that the only gratification I get from using her toys is emotional, not financial. I have to apologise, I think I have gone a little OOC in this chapter. Sorry.
We are reaching the climax now. By my calculations there are 8 more chapters to go, with the possibility of an extended epilogue that keeps screaming to be written. Please enjoy and feed the author if you so desire.
*************************************************
Stepping into the Great Hall, filled with students as it was, Jane wondered if she had made a mistake. Of course, the reason she hadn't joined Severus for meals before HAD been because she didn't fit in, at least that was part of the reason. The real reason was far more complicated, but it boiled down to the fact that she was scared, terrified in fact.
Jane admitted to herself that she was intimidated by the thought of being scrutinised by nearly 300 people - particularly when half of them would probably like to cast spells on her. She couldn't watch them all at once. Together, they stole her control, and that made her both vulnerable and nervous, particularly because she had agreed, albeit reluctantly, to leave her knife behind.
Trembling slightly, Jane nearly turned and fled, but Harry, Hermione and Ron were right behind her, and grabbed her arms, stopping her. Taking deep breaths, Jane calmed slightly, and continued to walk as gracefully and calmly as she could manage, down the long rows of student tables. Each student fell silent as she passed, gawking, mouths open, as Harry and Ron had.
Reaching the end of the student tables, and having lost her chaperones, Jane looked along the teachers' table, searching for the safety of Severus. She felt like her insides were filled with butterflies, and she had to force a smile to her lips when she saw him watching her.
Breathing deeply again, trying to quell her nerves, Jane realised that he looked unhappy. Something was wrong. Heart sinking, she realised she had made him angry. Her smile faded quickly. Now what? She felt trapped. Flee, was the first thought that came to her mind. Flee before he punishes you, her brain screamed, protection mechanisms quickly activating. The students all hate or fear him for a reason, and he was the one who had said that he was the dreaded Potions Master. Why, oh why, hadn't she stopped to consider why he was so dreaded? Now it was too late. Run, her mind yelled, before you find out why for yourself.
Jane decided that running was the best idea she had ever had, and she tried to turn, but for some reason she couldn't bring herself to flee. Instead, she watched, as emotions played across Snape's face, half the hall joining her as she held her breath waiting for his reaction. Slowly he stood and pushed his chair back before moving around the table and towards her.
Run, and quick, the voice in her head shouted as he moved closer. Jane couldn't run though. Heart pounding, she waited instead. She would fight if she had to, but she would never flee. Not again, not anymore, not from anyone. She would stand and die rather than run like a hunted animal again, no matter how trapped she felt.
Watching him move towards her, never taking her eyes from him, Jane noticed something was wrong. His normally smooth, fluid movements were absent, and although he carried himself stiffly as usual, this stiffness wasn't borne of self-control, it was stiffness borne of pain. One word came quickly - Voldemort! Suddenly Jane hated herself again. He had been called while she was off having fun. He'd been called, and he had gone, and he had been hurt. It wasn't fair.
Every person in the hall waited as the Potions Master stopped in front of the little girl. Slowly he reached out, with a hand that shook slightly, and touched her cheek. Students sat, mesmerised, as they saw a side of Snape they had never experienced before and doubted they ever would again.
"Happy birthday Severus. I wanted to surprise you." Jane said quietly, handing him a small box she had been carrying.
Breathing more heavily than normal, struggling against the desperate desire to just lie down and rest, Snape took the gift and opened his arms, taking the nervous girl in a warm embrace. "Thank you." He answered just as quietly.
Not knowing where he hurt, Jane hugged him back gently. "I am sorry it isn't much, and I am sorry I wasn't with you."
Snape smiled down on the girl more relieved than anything else that she had returned to him; her loss had hurt more than any of the punishments he had received at Voldemort or the Death Eater's hands. "Don't apologise. It is a wonderful surprise, and I didn't mind that you deserted me, as long as you were having fun." He lied to alleviate Jane's guilt.
"Are you ok?" Jane asked quietly so only he could hear, worried that he was seriously hurt.
"I will be." That might have been a lie too, he thought.
Together they moved to the teachers' table and continued with the meal as a large black bird watched proceedings, unnoticed, with great interest.
**********
Students and staff alike departed the hall, Hermione, Harry and Ron, casting last glances at the girl sitting beside the sombre looking Potions Master. Jane smiled at them, but the trio knew there was something wrong. They wondered if she was in trouble, but hoped not, particularly after the effort she had put in to make his birthday special. Ron wondered if anything would make the greasy git happy. Turning to leave the hall, they relaxed slightly as they noticed Dumbledore return. He wouldn't let Snape hurt Jane. None of them had noticed him leave the Hall, and now they were left wondering where he had gone and why.
With the students gone, only Jane, Dumbledore and McGonagall were still in attendance, and Snape was able to drop the charade that everything was fine. He slumped in his chair, much to the surprise of those present.
Jane jumped up and moved quickly to him, touching his face gently, as she had when she had first cared for him. "Severus, are you alright? How badly has he hurt you?" She stroked his face, hoping it might ease his pain.
"I will be fine momentarily." Snape looked at her, her eyes filled with concern. "You look lovely. Stop worrying so much. I must admit to a moment of foolishness earlier. I thought you had decided to leave me."
Jane looked at him. "Why would I do that?"
Snape almost managed to laugh at that, but his ribs hurt too much. "I can't imagine." He choked out, shaking his head. "I just can't imagine."
Dumbledore and McGonagall moved towards the pair. "Severus, what information do you have for us?"
Snape lowered his eyes. "None Headmaster. I am sorry." It didn't matter to Snape that he hadn't been told anything either because there was nothing to tell or because they knew he was a spy. Anything he had been told would probably have been misinformation anyway. It didn't matter that this call had been merely to allow Voldemort to pass on his own special brand of birthday greetings. He had disappointed the Headmaster, and he felt like a failure. He hated himself for that, and for doubting Jane.
"Nothing at all?" Dumbledore pushed again, certain there must have been something, no matter how small.
"I am sorry Headmaster, there is nothing." Snape shook his head wearily. "That wasn't the reason for the summons. It was merely to pass on birthday greetings."
Dumbledore and McGonagall both looked at the Potions Master disappointed, but also surprised at the turn of events. Jane watched both, wishing they would just go away and leave him alone. She knew that the sooner Severus' obligations to these two were over the better it would be for everyone, particularly for him. He would be far safer if he didn't feel so compelled to TRY and get information, even if he knew he would meet with little or no success.
Snape stood suddenly, ignoring his body's painful protests. "Now, if you will excuse me, I must return to my chambers." Before I fall down, he thought to himself. He stalked off, not giving them the chance to protest. He simply didn't have the energy to fight them. He needed to rest and to heal.
Jane looked at the two adults accusingly but said nothing, then followed Snape silently down the long rows of tables. Pausing at the door, Snape waited for Jane to catch up with him before closing the door behind him and making his way slowly downwards to his chambers.
**********
Snape looked admiringly at Jane. "I suppose this means you would like some new clothes?" He said wearily.
Jane shook her head, the look of worry still evident upon her face. "No, the clothes I have are fine, thank you. I just wanted to do something special for your birthday. Something that would make you happy. I am sorry that it turned out badly."
Sitting down on his bed, body almost at breaking point, he sighed heavily at the relief. "It is hardly your fault I was called."
"Maybe," Jane conceded, "but I should have been here."
"It would hardly have made a difference."
"It would have to me." Jane answered quietly.
Snape sighed again, as he lay down. "Yes, it would have to me too. I realise how foolish it is, but I though you must have tired of being with me," his body tensed as a nerve protested at the continued abuse it was subjected to. "I figured you had decided that anything would be better than being with me. Not that your presence would have stopped me from going. Nothing can stop me from going when he calls."
"I know." Jane crawled onto the bed and put her arms around him, as she had before they had returned to Hogwarts. "I don't know what gave you the impression I wasn't happy being with you though." She stroked his face softly, hoping to soothe the trembling that passed through his body, more from exhaustion than cold. "Do you have any of that potion of yours, the one you aren't supposed to use? It made you well last time."
Snape shook his head. "No, I haven't had the chance to brew more. It is a painstaking process, which requires precise control and a great deal of time. I haven't been in a position to give it the attention it needs."
"Perhaps you should see Madam Pomfrey then." Jane suggested, worried about him.
A stint in the Hospital wing was the last thing Snape wanted, and he reacted badly to her suggestion. "Thank you for your concern, but I will be fine after a little rest. Perhaps you should go and get changed and sleep in your own bed." He replied a little more harshly than he intended, his recently gained control deserting him as weariness overtook him. "Go. I will be fine." He finished, dismissing her.
He felt Jane stiffen, then move quickly away, and realised that he sounded like he was dismissing a troublesome student. Right at that moment though, he was beyond caring, he simply didn't have the energy left.
It no longer mattered that she had cared for him before. Now they were at Hogwarts, it was his turn to care for her, and he didn't wish to be reminded that in his current condition, he was not going to be very successful at that if it became necessary. At that particular moment, he realised he was in no condition to protect anything.
"I- I am sorry if I upset you." The girl's voice was subdued and he could hear the tears lurking just below the surface. She turned quickly and left his room, closing the door quietly behind her.
Damn, he thought, she hadn't upset him; it had been he that had upset her. AGAIN. He wondered if he would ever learn. He sighed. He had to admit that learning to live in such close quarters with someone, particularly this child, damaged, as she was by the nightmare of her past, was proving more difficult than he had anticipated, even if it did normally bring more joy than pain.
He understood her fear and uncertainty - it was the fear and uncertainty of a tormented animal. He recognised it because he had overcome the same feelings of inadequacy and insecurity himself. Unfortunately, adjusting his behaviour to allow for the girl's vulnerability was a constant battle against his own demons, and at that moment he didn't have the necessary excess energy left to fight his own weaknesses successfully.
Rolling onto his side in an attempt to alleviate the pain building in his body, he felt something dig into his ribs. It elicited a slight wince as it contacted a rib that was either broken again, or severely bruised. Remembering her gift, the first he had received in more years than he cared to remember, he reached gingerly into his robes and removed the small box she had given him.
It hardly mattered what the box contained, just the thought of being given a gift filled him with a pleasant feeling of warmth that dispelled some of the pain. The box he now held was tied simply with a red ribbon, which he undid, before removing the lid. Inside he found a small, polished stone which was almost heart-shaped. Granger must have arranged that, he thought. There was also a piece of parchment, folded up beneath it.
Unfolding the parchment, he found a brief note in Jane's less than perfect writing. He smiled; she had obviously spent a lot of time and effort writing it, even though it was only 20 words long.
"Dear Severus. Happy Birthday. Thank you for saving me. I wish you were my real father. I love you. Jane."
Snape had to fight against the tears that threatened to overcome his control, and the pain he felt in his heart at the trust and faith Jane had in him for what seemed like no valid reason at all. That admission, the words themselves, if they were indeed true, would have cost the child a lot to write given the history of abuse she had suffered and survived. It admitted her vulnerability and desperation to be cared for, something she had spent her life trying to hide.
Sighing, he realised he needed to apologise to her, now. She was opening her heart to him, allowing him into her world, allowing herself to care, and he had to accept every step she made if she was to continue to grow, and overcome the trauma of her youth.
Wincing again, he rolled over and sat up. Standing, the world spun around him briefly before settling back to normal. He forced himself to move towards the door to her room, but a stabbing pain struck him before he got halfway there. It almost brought him to his knees with its intensity. Struggling on against his body's protests, he paused briefly to compose himself before opening the door and moving it into Jane's room.
"Jane, I am sorry for upsetting you. I wanted to thank you for the gift." He said quietly into the darkness of the girl's room.
Face in the shadows, Snape couldn't see her wipe the tears from her eyes, but he did hear the tears in her voice. "It's ok, really it is. I am sorry I couldn't get you something better, something really good, but I don't have any money and I could hardly steal a gift for you. Not here anyway."
"Are you crying?" Snape asked gently.
"No."
Jane's answer was too quick and he knew she was lying. Taking out his wand, Snape pointed it at a candle. "Luminos." The room was bathed in a soft orange light.
Snape noted that her clothes had been hung neatly and the girl was now lying in her bed in a nightgown. She was watching him closely, and he noticed that there were tears in her eyes. He felt terrible for what he had said. "I am sorry." He apologised quietly.
"What for? It is your birthday. You don't have to apologise."
Snape wanted to wipe her tears away and comfort her. He was flattered that she cared enough to forgive him so readily for hurting her. "Perhaps, perhaps not, but I am sorry anyway. Can you forgive me?"
"Of course." She answered quietly but sincerely.
Snape was so appreciative of her quick forgiveness that he wanted her to know he was REALLY sorry, and that it wasn't just empty words. He moved towards her bed to give her a hug, but had taken only a couple of steps, when the stabbing pain struck him again. This time, when the world began to spin, it didn't stop, and he fell to his knees, helpless against it.
Barely conscious, Snape was still aware that Jane had moved so quickly when he had doubled over, that she had reached him before he hit the ground. Body shaking, he felt her arms around him. "Severus, what is it? What is wrong?"
She sounded petrified.
"Get Madam Pomfrey." He gasped out, as the pain grew more severe. He couldn't be sure, but he didn't think this was some type of spell to torment him. This was real. Real pain from a real injury. This was bad, very bad. He closed his eyes and tried to control the trembling that was overcoming him, and the desire to just give up and die.
"Yes." Jane jumped up, but before she left her room she dragged the blankets from her bed and covered him, in what was an appreciated, but vain, attempt to provide him some comfort. "I won't be long." She promised, running from the room, not even taking the time to put on her slippers or dressing gown.
OK, I didn't want to leave you all wondering, so here is the next chapter. I guess I should just clear up one little thing. My assumption is that the Dark Mark is a PERMANENT connection between the Death Eaters and Voldemort. While it is possible that Snape didn't attend the call in GOF, and there is some question in my mind about whether he attended, not a big one, but a question none the less, I think Voldemort would have the power to use it as a "get here now" device if he wished to. For my purposes, Voldemort would make a call to his loyal follower, and if it wasn't answered in a timely manner, it would become more insistent to the point where Cruciatus would be preferred. Hope this explains why Severus attended, regardless of his mental state or the anticipated outcome. I know there is no basis in canon for this, but it is just the way I expect it would work, after all, Voldemort is a nasty piece of work.
As for the rating dilemma, I have posted a new fic that contains the R- rated chapter, and will contain another in a few chapters time. I will do my best to make this version include enough of what happens in the chapters in question that you won't miss out if you choose not to read, but I can't promise I will be successful, and I can almost guarantee that there will be a reduction in the impact of the chapters.
Thanks again for your feedback on this, your continued support and your reviews. It is very much appreciated that you take the time out, not only to read my story in the first place, but to comment.
As always, I don't own anything here except Jane. JKR owns the rest, and I promise that the only gratification I get from using her toys is emotional, not financial. I have to apologise, I think I have gone a little OOC in this chapter. Sorry.
We are reaching the climax now. By my calculations there are 8 more chapters to go, with the possibility of an extended epilogue that keeps screaming to be written. Please enjoy and feed the author if you so desire.
*************************************************
Stepping into the Great Hall, filled with students as it was, Jane wondered if she had made a mistake. Of course, the reason she hadn't joined Severus for meals before HAD been because she didn't fit in, at least that was part of the reason. The real reason was far more complicated, but it boiled down to the fact that she was scared, terrified in fact.
Jane admitted to herself that she was intimidated by the thought of being scrutinised by nearly 300 people - particularly when half of them would probably like to cast spells on her. She couldn't watch them all at once. Together, they stole her control, and that made her both vulnerable and nervous, particularly because she had agreed, albeit reluctantly, to leave her knife behind.
Trembling slightly, Jane nearly turned and fled, but Harry, Hermione and Ron were right behind her, and grabbed her arms, stopping her. Taking deep breaths, Jane calmed slightly, and continued to walk as gracefully and calmly as she could manage, down the long rows of student tables. Each student fell silent as she passed, gawking, mouths open, as Harry and Ron had.
Reaching the end of the student tables, and having lost her chaperones, Jane looked along the teachers' table, searching for the safety of Severus. She felt like her insides were filled with butterflies, and she had to force a smile to her lips when she saw him watching her.
Breathing deeply again, trying to quell her nerves, Jane realised that he looked unhappy. Something was wrong. Heart sinking, she realised she had made him angry. Her smile faded quickly. Now what? She felt trapped. Flee, was the first thought that came to her mind. Flee before he punishes you, her brain screamed, protection mechanisms quickly activating. The students all hate or fear him for a reason, and he was the one who had said that he was the dreaded Potions Master. Why, oh why, hadn't she stopped to consider why he was so dreaded? Now it was too late. Run, her mind yelled, before you find out why for yourself.
Jane decided that running was the best idea she had ever had, and she tried to turn, but for some reason she couldn't bring herself to flee. Instead, she watched, as emotions played across Snape's face, half the hall joining her as she held her breath waiting for his reaction. Slowly he stood and pushed his chair back before moving around the table and towards her.
Run, and quick, the voice in her head shouted as he moved closer. Jane couldn't run though. Heart pounding, she waited instead. She would fight if she had to, but she would never flee. Not again, not anymore, not from anyone. She would stand and die rather than run like a hunted animal again, no matter how trapped she felt.
Watching him move towards her, never taking her eyes from him, Jane noticed something was wrong. His normally smooth, fluid movements were absent, and although he carried himself stiffly as usual, this stiffness wasn't borne of self-control, it was stiffness borne of pain. One word came quickly - Voldemort! Suddenly Jane hated herself again. He had been called while she was off having fun. He'd been called, and he had gone, and he had been hurt. It wasn't fair.
Every person in the hall waited as the Potions Master stopped in front of the little girl. Slowly he reached out, with a hand that shook slightly, and touched her cheek. Students sat, mesmerised, as they saw a side of Snape they had never experienced before and doubted they ever would again.
"Happy birthday Severus. I wanted to surprise you." Jane said quietly, handing him a small box she had been carrying.
Breathing more heavily than normal, struggling against the desperate desire to just lie down and rest, Snape took the gift and opened his arms, taking the nervous girl in a warm embrace. "Thank you." He answered just as quietly.
Not knowing where he hurt, Jane hugged him back gently. "I am sorry it isn't much, and I am sorry I wasn't with you."
Snape smiled down on the girl more relieved than anything else that she had returned to him; her loss had hurt more than any of the punishments he had received at Voldemort or the Death Eater's hands. "Don't apologise. It is a wonderful surprise, and I didn't mind that you deserted me, as long as you were having fun." He lied to alleviate Jane's guilt.
"Are you ok?" Jane asked quietly so only he could hear, worried that he was seriously hurt.
"I will be." That might have been a lie too, he thought.
Together they moved to the teachers' table and continued with the meal as a large black bird watched proceedings, unnoticed, with great interest.
**********
Students and staff alike departed the hall, Hermione, Harry and Ron, casting last glances at the girl sitting beside the sombre looking Potions Master. Jane smiled at them, but the trio knew there was something wrong. They wondered if she was in trouble, but hoped not, particularly after the effort she had put in to make his birthday special. Ron wondered if anything would make the greasy git happy. Turning to leave the hall, they relaxed slightly as they noticed Dumbledore return. He wouldn't let Snape hurt Jane. None of them had noticed him leave the Hall, and now they were left wondering where he had gone and why.
With the students gone, only Jane, Dumbledore and McGonagall were still in attendance, and Snape was able to drop the charade that everything was fine. He slumped in his chair, much to the surprise of those present.
Jane jumped up and moved quickly to him, touching his face gently, as she had when she had first cared for him. "Severus, are you alright? How badly has he hurt you?" She stroked his face, hoping it might ease his pain.
"I will be fine momentarily." Snape looked at her, her eyes filled with concern. "You look lovely. Stop worrying so much. I must admit to a moment of foolishness earlier. I thought you had decided to leave me."
Jane looked at him. "Why would I do that?"
Snape almost managed to laugh at that, but his ribs hurt too much. "I can't imagine." He choked out, shaking his head. "I just can't imagine."
Dumbledore and McGonagall moved towards the pair. "Severus, what information do you have for us?"
Snape lowered his eyes. "None Headmaster. I am sorry." It didn't matter to Snape that he hadn't been told anything either because there was nothing to tell or because they knew he was a spy. Anything he had been told would probably have been misinformation anyway. It didn't matter that this call had been merely to allow Voldemort to pass on his own special brand of birthday greetings. He had disappointed the Headmaster, and he felt like a failure. He hated himself for that, and for doubting Jane.
"Nothing at all?" Dumbledore pushed again, certain there must have been something, no matter how small.
"I am sorry Headmaster, there is nothing." Snape shook his head wearily. "That wasn't the reason for the summons. It was merely to pass on birthday greetings."
Dumbledore and McGonagall both looked at the Potions Master disappointed, but also surprised at the turn of events. Jane watched both, wishing they would just go away and leave him alone. She knew that the sooner Severus' obligations to these two were over the better it would be for everyone, particularly for him. He would be far safer if he didn't feel so compelled to TRY and get information, even if he knew he would meet with little or no success.
Snape stood suddenly, ignoring his body's painful protests. "Now, if you will excuse me, I must return to my chambers." Before I fall down, he thought to himself. He stalked off, not giving them the chance to protest. He simply didn't have the energy to fight them. He needed to rest and to heal.
Jane looked at the two adults accusingly but said nothing, then followed Snape silently down the long rows of tables. Pausing at the door, Snape waited for Jane to catch up with him before closing the door behind him and making his way slowly downwards to his chambers.
**********
Snape looked admiringly at Jane. "I suppose this means you would like some new clothes?" He said wearily.
Jane shook her head, the look of worry still evident upon her face. "No, the clothes I have are fine, thank you. I just wanted to do something special for your birthday. Something that would make you happy. I am sorry that it turned out badly."
Sitting down on his bed, body almost at breaking point, he sighed heavily at the relief. "It is hardly your fault I was called."
"Maybe," Jane conceded, "but I should have been here."
"It would hardly have made a difference."
"It would have to me." Jane answered quietly.
Snape sighed again, as he lay down. "Yes, it would have to me too. I realise how foolish it is, but I though you must have tired of being with me," his body tensed as a nerve protested at the continued abuse it was subjected to. "I figured you had decided that anything would be better than being with me. Not that your presence would have stopped me from going. Nothing can stop me from going when he calls."
"I know." Jane crawled onto the bed and put her arms around him, as she had before they had returned to Hogwarts. "I don't know what gave you the impression I wasn't happy being with you though." She stroked his face softly, hoping to soothe the trembling that passed through his body, more from exhaustion than cold. "Do you have any of that potion of yours, the one you aren't supposed to use? It made you well last time."
Snape shook his head. "No, I haven't had the chance to brew more. It is a painstaking process, which requires precise control and a great deal of time. I haven't been in a position to give it the attention it needs."
"Perhaps you should see Madam Pomfrey then." Jane suggested, worried about him.
A stint in the Hospital wing was the last thing Snape wanted, and he reacted badly to her suggestion. "Thank you for your concern, but I will be fine after a little rest. Perhaps you should go and get changed and sleep in your own bed." He replied a little more harshly than he intended, his recently gained control deserting him as weariness overtook him. "Go. I will be fine." He finished, dismissing her.
He felt Jane stiffen, then move quickly away, and realised that he sounded like he was dismissing a troublesome student. Right at that moment though, he was beyond caring, he simply didn't have the energy left.
It no longer mattered that she had cared for him before. Now they were at Hogwarts, it was his turn to care for her, and he didn't wish to be reminded that in his current condition, he was not going to be very successful at that if it became necessary. At that particular moment, he realised he was in no condition to protect anything.
"I- I am sorry if I upset you." The girl's voice was subdued and he could hear the tears lurking just below the surface. She turned quickly and left his room, closing the door quietly behind her.
Damn, he thought, she hadn't upset him; it had been he that had upset her. AGAIN. He wondered if he would ever learn. He sighed. He had to admit that learning to live in such close quarters with someone, particularly this child, damaged, as she was by the nightmare of her past, was proving more difficult than he had anticipated, even if it did normally bring more joy than pain.
He understood her fear and uncertainty - it was the fear and uncertainty of a tormented animal. He recognised it because he had overcome the same feelings of inadequacy and insecurity himself. Unfortunately, adjusting his behaviour to allow for the girl's vulnerability was a constant battle against his own demons, and at that moment he didn't have the necessary excess energy left to fight his own weaknesses successfully.
Rolling onto his side in an attempt to alleviate the pain building in his body, he felt something dig into his ribs. It elicited a slight wince as it contacted a rib that was either broken again, or severely bruised. Remembering her gift, the first he had received in more years than he cared to remember, he reached gingerly into his robes and removed the small box she had given him.
It hardly mattered what the box contained, just the thought of being given a gift filled him with a pleasant feeling of warmth that dispelled some of the pain. The box he now held was tied simply with a red ribbon, which he undid, before removing the lid. Inside he found a small, polished stone which was almost heart-shaped. Granger must have arranged that, he thought. There was also a piece of parchment, folded up beneath it.
Unfolding the parchment, he found a brief note in Jane's less than perfect writing. He smiled; she had obviously spent a lot of time and effort writing it, even though it was only 20 words long.
"Dear Severus. Happy Birthday. Thank you for saving me. I wish you were my real father. I love you. Jane."
Snape had to fight against the tears that threatened to overcome his control, and the pain he felt in his heart at the trust and faith Jane had in him for what seemed like no valid reason at all. That admission, the words themselves, if they were indeed true, would have cost the child a lot to write given the history of abuse she had suffered and survived. It admitted her vulnerability and desperation to be cared for, something she had spent her life trying to hide.
Sighing, he realised he needed to apologise to her, now. She was opening her heart to him, allowing him into her world, allowing herself to care, and he had to accept every step she made if she was to continue to grow, and overcome the trauma of her youth.
Wincing again, he rolled over and sat up. Standing, the world spun around him briefly before settling back to normal. He forced himself to move towards the door to her room, but a stabbing pain struck him before he got halfway there. It almost brought him to his knees with its intensity. Struggling on against his body's protests, he paused briefly to compose himself before opening the door and moving it into Jane's room.
"Jane, I am sorry for upsetting you. I wanted to thank you for the gift." He said quietly into the darkness of the girl's room.
Face in the shadows, Snape couldn't see her wipe the tears from her eyes, but he did hear the tears in her voice. "It's ok, really it is. I am sorry I couldn't get you something better, something really good, but I don't have any money and I could hardly steal a gift for you. Not here anyway."
"Are you crying?" Snape asked gently.
"No."
Jane's answer was too quick and he knew she was lying. Taking out his wand, Snape pointed it at a candle. "Luminos." The room was bathed in a soft orange light.
Snape noted that her clothes had been hung neatly and the girl was now lying in her bed in a nightgown. She was watching him closely, and he noticed that there were tears in her eyes. He felt terrible for what he had said. "I am sorry." He apologised quietly.
"What for? It is your birthday. You don't have to apologise."
Snape wanted to wipe her tears away and comfort her. He was flattered that she cared enough to forgive him so readily for hurting her. "Perhaps, perhaps not, but I am sorry anyway. Can you forgive me?"
"Of course." She answered quietly but sincerely.
Snape was so appreciative of her quick forgiveness that he wanted her to know he was REALLY sorry, and that it wasn't just empty words. He moved towards her bed to give her a hug, but had taken only a couple of steps, when the stabbing pain struck him again. This time, when the world began to spin, it didn't stop, and he fell to his knees, helpless against it.
Barely conscious, Snape was still aware that Jane had moved so quickly when he had doubled over, that she had reached him before he hit the ground. Body shaking, he felt her arms around him. "Severus, what is it? What is wrong?"
She sounded petrified.
"Get Madam Pomfrey." He gasped out, as the pain grew more severe. He couldn't be sure, but he didn't think this was some type of spell to torment him. This was real. Real pain from a real injury. This was bad, very bad. He closed his eyes and tried to control the trembling that was overcoming him, and the desire to just give up and die.
"Yes." Jane jumped up, but before she left her room she dragged the blankets from her bed and covered him, in what was an appreciated, but vain, attempt to provide him some comfort. "I won't be long." She promised, running from the room, not even taking the time to put on her slippers or dressing gown.