Chapter Seven: Something About You (restored: April 22, 2005)

"You look like shit, Cyril," Ellie points out, jokingly.

I don't look up from the carpet. "You can't even see my face," I shoot back, my voice muffled because my head is resting on the floor, arms crossed under my ear.

"I can," Marco speaks up. "Ellie's right." He shifts, his feet hitting my shins.

"Watch it." I throw a glare his way.

"Is something wrong?" Ellie asks. "You've been acting like something's been bothering you all day."

I sit up. "Thank you Captain Obvious."

"Chill. We just want to know what's upsetting you," Marco states.

"Nothing's upsetting me, okay?" Someone get them off my back.

"You could've fooled me," Ellie says, sarcasm wrapped around her words.

"I'm just having a rough couple of days," I admit, but I'm not going any farther than that.

Ellie mutes the VMAs. "What's wrong?"

I stand up. "Can't you two just leave me alone? I have enough people breathing down my neck, I don't need you guys to join the party!"

Marco frowns. "We're your friends, Cyril. We just want to know what's wrong."

"Bugger off, the lot of you."

I walk out of the Nash's living room. Slamming the front door, I make my way down the front path and sit down on the curb. I bury my face in my hands.

"They're trying to help, but they can't help me if they don't know what's wrong."

I hear someone walking toward me, but I don't have the strength to lift my head and see who it is. The person sits beside me, their shoulder brushing against mine.

"Don't yell at me."

It's Marco.

Saying nothing I remain fixed in my position.

"I know that it's me you're upset about."

"One of the reasons, yes."

"And I'm sorry. I really do like you, I'm not intentionally acting like I never told you about my feelings. I'm just not as comfortable in my skin as you are."

I lift my head up and look at him. "You think I'm totally comfortable with myself?"

Marco nods. "You're amazing, you're the person I've always wanted to be. You don't have a single flaw."

"HA!"

"You're beautiful, you're perfect: things I'll never be."

I look at Marco, astounded. "How did those words get out of your mouth? You're the amazing, perfect, beautiful one." Do I sound as bad of a dork as I think I do?

Marco shakes his head and starts to talk before I can contradict him even more. "I've known you for a while now…." I can tell he's uncomfortable, but he keeps going anyway. "I'm sick of putting on a front and I'm sick of you and I just being friends."

"What are you saying?"

I wait as Marco tries to struggle out a simple sentence, in my eyes at least. "I want you to.…. Would you like to…. What I mean to say is…be my boyfriend?"

I just had to say yes, didn't I? Now I really have to tell everyone that I have HIV, but I could get AIDS any time now and die in a few more years…. No. I had a plan and I'm sticking to it.

No one needs to know. I can make it through high school without anyone knowing.

I don't want anyone to pity me for having this. I'm sick of living in a bloody bubble, I'm sick of having to take extra good care of myself, I'm sick of everything I have to do because I'm ill.

I just want to be a normal kid and that's what I'm going to be even if it kills me. No one else needs to know. I'll be fine.