Chapter 40 - Nightmares
OK, This is the last of the R-rated chapters, or at least the modified R- rated chapters. Please read this version if you are not mature enough to read the full version that can be found at Snapes Saviour The R rated chapters. Go there instead if you want the full traumatic experience!
To QsDaughter, don't worry. FF.net does stupid things to me too. I just roll my eyes and go "Computers!" I am doing a Bachelor of Applied Science in Medical Imaging. I have absolutely no experience of anything like this, but delved deep. I am glad you think it is appropriate. To Zippy Zany, the story will be finished. In fact it is complete on my computer. There are two chapters to go and an epilogue. Thanks to Snapefan51 for your ongoing comments, and to every one else who has reviewed.
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Snape awoke from a restless sleep. He wasn't happy with the way things had ended between Jane and himself that evening. He wanted to speak to her, and explain why he was so upset with her increasingly erratic behaviour, but the reality was he doubted he had the energy for a full-blown argument at that moment, and he doubted she would care anyway.
He had tried to remain calm but failed.
Sadness at her behaviour, not anger, had caused him to react inappropriately to the destruction of his property, and neither had won the brief argument that followed. She had run off to her room, tears of rage and hurt streaming down her face, and he had stalked off, after repairing his belongings, bearing similar feelings, but without the tears.
It had been their first real argument and he had hated it. It disturbed him that he may have become that which she had fled years before. She had to be protected, that was his primary concern. Even though he knew the extreme restrictions grated on the girl's independent nature it didn't mean he would tolerate her extreme behaviour.
He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling, angry that their relationship had become so strained. Damn Lucius and his wretched idea of capturing the girl. Things had gone so well until then, she had been the one bright spark in his life. Now she was a target, and Snape knew things would not improve until Jane could again have the freedom she desired. He also knew, perfectly well, that that wouldn't be possible until Potter had disposed of the Dark Lord. The final battle couldn't come soon enough, even if it would likely result in his death.
Lying in the dark, listening to the thoughts rushing through his head, trying to figure out just how he would repair the damage done to his relationship with Jane, if she even wanted it repaired, he heard a small whimpering sound from her room. Suddenly alert, his first thought was that Lucius had managed to get into his chambers and was trying to make off with the child.
Springing from his bed, he grabbed his wand and moved quickly to the door that linked their rooms. Pausing before entering, to prepare himself for what he might face on the other side of the door, he tried to calm himself, but his only thought was for Jane's safety. The thought that she was in danger struck fear into his heart, regardless of her recent behaviour.
He pushed the door open; grateful at least that she hadn't been so upset with him that it was locked. Stepping in, heart racing, he looked around but there was nobody in the room, and Jane was asleep. He was about to turn and leave, thinking he had been hearing things, half asleep as he had been, when the whimpering sound came again. This time he knew it had come from Jane. Moving quickly to her bed, he watched as she twitched then stiffened.
**********
Jane awoke as she often did -
There is about 4 paragraphs removed here. I can't re-write them because it is about evil nasty things. Jane remembers, or rather dreams about something terrible that happened before she ran away from home. The following paragraphs are a little concerning re-ratings, but I will leave them here... there have been minor adjustments.
She felt the sting as his leather belt met her skin for the first time that night, then the second and the third. By the 50th time, she had lost count and was barely still able to breathe, the pain was so great, but she shuddered at the thought of the punishment she would receive the next day for soiling her bedclothes, which were moist beneath her. She wasn't entirely sure it was all from blood either, and that would make the punishment worse. She could feel the blood soaking into them and smell it. It was distinctive and unforgettable, a pungent aroma that would never leave her, no matter how long she lived.
She hurt all over, and was bleeding, but she bit her tongue even harder, unable to cope with the thought of further punishment. She recognised the familiar salty taste of her own blood as it trickled down her throat. There were worse things, she thought, and she prayed for deliverance as she waited for the tempest to leave her alone again, knowing that one day it would stay for ever and she would die like this - battered and broken, if she didn't escape first.
She retreated into her mind; she retreated from the pain and humiliation. When he finally left her to whatever peace she could find in the darkness of her prison, she rolled onto her side and tucked her knees up under her chin and cried, as quietly as she could, while she tried to ignore the pain.
**********
Snape reached out slowly, trying to draw the child out from where she was locked in the torment of her subconscious mind. Touching her cheek softly with his fingertips, he felt her flinch, and then she cried out.
"Please no, please stop." Her voice was small, like a young child's, but full of the desperation a child should never know. "Please no, I didn't mean to cry."
Gods, Snape thought, what a nightmare to have! Guilt struck him - it had clearly been brought on by their altercation earlier that evening. He really needed to remember to remain calm in his dealings with her regardless of the provocation. He realised, sadly how easily she was pushed beyond the limits of her own coping mechanisms back into the world of fear and abuse she had escaped from physically, but not mentally many years before. The heightened restrictions clearly hadn't helped matters either, they had just made her a prisoner again.
Every angry word between them evidently brought back horrific memories he wished she didn't have, and until she had dealt with them properly, there would always be this threat of regression. It was quite possible she would never completely recover from the damage she had suffered during her years of abuse, and that thought tormented him more than any other.
Had he still been a loyal Death Eater, he would have spent the rest of his life tracking down the animal her father was. He almost regretted his departure from Voldemort's fold. He would have taken immense pleasure from punishing him for the abuse that he had inflicted on this child, but those days were, unfortunately in this case, gone.
"Jane, wake up. It is only a dream. No one is hurting you." He touched her cheek again, and again she flinched at the contact. "Jane." He shook her gently, trying to rouse her form the nightmare.
Snape was relieved when her eyes opened, but looking at her, he saw that they were blank and unfocussed, and she was still lost in another world he couldn't seem to penetrate. He knew that he would have to find a way to though - he wasn't prepared to just sit there and watch her suffer.
"Jane, wake up." He insisted, more loudly, but there was still no response. He didn't want to frighten her more, but he saw no option. The girl stiffened, cried out terrified then started to weep, when he reached out with both hands and shook her gently. "Jane, wake up."
Suddenly aware of her surroundings, but with the nightmare still lingering, Jane turned towards Snape and curled into a trembling ball in his arms. He had her back, and the joy he felt at holding her made him forget his earlier pain at her behaviour. Holding her gently he rocked her until the weeping subsided to become the occasional sob.
"Severus?" She finally said in that same small voice.
"Yes," he answered gently. "Are you alright?" He asked concerned.
Jane could feel the dampness of the sheets, and wondered briefly what had happened, before vague memories of the nightmare crept back. Her nightgown was damp too, and with a sinking feeling, she knew what had happened. She had wet herself. She pulled away from Snape, dragging the blankets and sheets with her until she was as far as possible from him, not wanting him to know what she had done, embarrassed by her weakness. "Please go away." She started to tremble.
"Jane, it is alright. I am not angry with you." He watched as the girl's face grew paler, her eyes widening in terror, before she fell forward and vomited, body heaving with the exertion.
Snape reached out to help her, but she pulled away again. This time though, he was more insistent, and she finally allowed him to pull her back into his arms. She barely had a choice though - still shaken by the trauma of the dream, her trembling body didn't have the strength to fight him and she fell, almost thankfully into the warmth of his gentle embrace.
As he took her in his arms, she found the energy to look up at him. "Thank you. I am sorry for being bad and breaking your things. I promise I will be good from now on. I'm sorry I hurt you, and I made things worse for you. Please forgive me."
Snape was about to tell her that she was good, and that she needn't be sorry, when she let out another small whimper and her body stiffened in his arms before going limp. Picking her up gently, he realised she had soiled herself and her bed far too much to return to it. Not wishing to disturb the House Elves so late at night, Snape used a cleaning charm on Jane before carrying her to his own bed and placing her gently under the covers.
Moving a chair to the bedside, Snape fell thankfully into it. The girl stirred briefly, whimpered a little, and he reached out and touched her face, gently pushing a strand of her long blond hair back. He was surprised when she clasped his hand, and then settled back into sleep. He didn't pull away though - it made him happy that the contact seemed to bring her relief.
The last thought he had before he fell to sleep himself was that her father and those boys would pay for what they had done. They would pay dearly, and he didn't care about the implications.
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Well, there you have it. I think this chapter is rather dramatic even without the naughty bits.
OK, This is the last of the R-rated chapters, or at least the modified R- rated chapters. Please read this version if you are not mature enough to read the full version that can be found at Snapes Saviour The R rated chapters. Go there instead if you want the full traumatic experience!
To QsDaughter, don't worry. FF.net does stupid things to me too. I just roll my eyes and go "Computers!" I am doing a Bachelor of Applied Science in Medical Imaging. I have absolutely no experience of anything like this, but delved deep. I am glad you think it is appropriate. To Zippy Zany, the story will be finished. In fact it is complete on my computer. There are two chapters to go and an epilogue. Thanks to Snapefan51 for your ongoing comments, and to every one else who has reviewed.
*********************
Snape awoke from a restless sleep. He wasn't happy with the way things had ended between Jane and himself that evening. He wanted to speak to her, and explain why he was so upset with her increasingly erratic behaviour, but the reality was he doubted he had the energy for a full-blown argument at that moment, and he doubted she would care anyway.
He had tried to remain calm but failed.
Sadness at her behaviour, not anger, had caused him to react inappropriately to the destruction of his property, and neither had won the brief argument that followed. She had run off to her room, tears of rage and hurt streaming down her face, and he had stalked off, after repairing his belongings, bearing similar feelings, but without the tears.
It had been their first real argument and he had hated it. It disturbed him that he may have become that which she had fled years before. She had to be protected, that was his primary concern. Even though he knew the extreme restrictions grated on the girl's independent nature it didn't mean he would tolerate her extreme behaviour.
He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling, angry that their relationship had become so strained. Damn Lucius and his wretched idea of capturing the girl. Things had gone so well until then, she had been the one bright spark in his life. Now she was a target, and Snape knew things would not improve until Jane could again have the freedom she desired. He also knew, perfectly well, that that wouldn't be possible until Potter had disposed of the Dark Lord. The final battle couldn't come soon enough, even if it would likely result in his death.
Lying in the dark, listening to the thoughts rushing through his head, trying to figure out just how he would repair the damage done to his relationship with Jane, if she even wanted it repaired, he heard a small whimpering sound from her room. Suddenly alert, his first thought was that Lucius had managed to get into his chambers and was trying to make off with the child.
Springing from his bed, he grabbed his wand and moved quickly to the door that linked their rooms. Pausing before entering, to prepare himself for what he might face on the other side of the door, he tried to calm himself, but his only thought was for Jane's safety. The thought that she was in danger struck fear into his heart, regardless of her recent behaviour.
He pushed the door open; grateful at least that she hadn't been so upset with him that it was locked. Stepping in, heart racing, he looked around but there was nobody in the room, and Jane was asleep. He was about to turn and leave, thinking he had been hearing things, half asleep as he had been, when the whimpering sound came again. This time he knew it had come from Jane. Moving quickly to her bed, he watched as she twitched then stiffened.
**********
Jane awoke as she often did -
There is about 4 paragraphs removed here. I can't re-write them because it is about evil nasty things. Jane remembers, or rather dreams about something terrible that happened before she ran away from home. The following paragraphs are a little concerning re-ratings, but I will leave them here... there have been minor adjustments.
She felt the sting as his leather belt met her skin for the first time that night, then the second and the third. By the 50th time, she had lost count and was barely still able to breathe, the pain was so great, but she shuddered at the thought of the punishment she would receive the next day for soiling her bedclothes, which were moist beneath her. She wasn't entirely sure it was all from blood either, and that would make the punishment worse. She could feel the blood soaking into them and smell it. It was distinctive and unforgettable, a pungent aroma that would never leave her, no matter how long she lived.
She hurt all over, and was bleeding, but she bit her tongue even harder, unable to cope with the thought of further punishment. She recognised the familiar salty taste of her own blood as it trickled down her throat. There were worse things, she thought, and she prayed for deliverance as she waited for the tempest to leave her alone again, knowing that one day it would stay for ever and she would die like this - battered and broken, if she didn't escape first.
She retreated into her mind; she retreated from the pain and humiliation. When he finally left her to whatever peace she could find in the darkness of her prison, she rolled onto her side and tucked her knees up under her chin and cried, as quietly as she could, while she tried to ignore the pain.
**********
Snape reached out slowly, trying to draw the child out from where she was locked in the torment of her subconscious mind. Touching her cheek softly with his fingertips, he felt her flinch, and then she cried out.
"Please no, please stop." Her voice was small, like a young child's, but full of the desperation a child should never know. "Please no, I didn't mean to cry."
Gods, Snape thought, what a nightmare to have! Guilt struck him - it had clearly been brought on by their altercation earlier that evening. He really needed to remember to remain calm in his dealings with her regardless of the provocation. He realised, sadly how easily she was pushed beyond the limits of her own coping mechanisms back into the world of fear and abuse she had escaped from physically, but not mentally many years before. The heightened restrictions clearly hadn't helped matters either, they had just made her a prisoner again.
Every angry word between them evidently brought back horrific memories he wished she didn't have, and until she had dealt with them properly, there would always be this threat of regression. It was quite possible she would never completely recover from the damage she had suffered during her years of abuse, and that thought tormented him more than any other.
Had he still been a loyal Death Eater, he would have spent the rest of his life tracking down the animal her father was. He almost regretted his departure from Voldemort's fold. He would have taken immense pleasure from punishing him for the abuse that he had inflicted on this child, but those days were, unfortunately in this case, gone.
"Jane, wake up. It is only a dream. No one is hurting you." He touched her cheek again, and again she flinched at the contact. "Jane." He shook her gently, trying to rouse her form the nightmare.
Snape was relieved when her eyes opened, but looking at her, he saw that they were blank and unfocussed, and she was still lost in another world he couldn't seem to penetrate. He knew that he would have to find a way to though - he wasn't prepared to just sit there and watch her suffer.
"Jane, wake up." He insisted, more loudly, but there was still no response. He didn't want to frighten her more, but he saw no option. The girl stiffened, cried out terrified then started to weep, when he reached out with both hands and shook her gently. "Jane, wake up."
Suddenly aware of her surroundings, but with the nightmare still lingering, Jane turned towards Snape and curled into a trembling ball in his arms. He had her back, and the joy he felt at holding her made him forget his earlier pain at her behaviour. Holding her gently he rocked her until the weeping subsided to become the occasional sob.
"Severus?" She finally said in that same small voice.
"Yes," he answered gently. "Are you alright?" He asked concerned.
Jane could feel the dampness of the sheets, and wondered briefly what had happened, before vague memories of the nightmare crept back. Her nightgown was damp too, and with a sinking feeling, she knew what had happened. She had wet herself. She pulled away from Snape, dragging the blankets and sheets with her until she was as far as possible from him, not wanting him to know what she had done, embarrassed by her weakness. "Please go away." She started to tremble.
"Jane, it is alright. I am not angry with you." He watched as the girl's face grew paler, her eyes widening in terror, before she fell forward and vomited, body heaving with the exertion.
Snape reached out to help her, but she pulled away again. This time though, he was more insistent, and she finally allowed him to pull her back into his arms. She barely had a choice though - still shaken by the trauma of the dream, her trembling body didn't have the strength to fight him and she fell, almost thankfully into the warmth of his gentle embrace.
As he took her in his arms, she found the energy to look up at him. "Thank you. I am sorry for being bad and breaking your things. I promise I will be good from now on. I'm sorry I hurt you, and I made things worse for you. Please forgive me."
Snape was about to tell her that she was good, and that she needn't be sorry, when she let out another small whimper and her body stiffened in his arms before going limp. Picking her up gently, he realised she had soiled herself and her bed far too much to return to it. Not wishing to disturb the House Elves so late at night, Snape used a cleaning charm on Jane before carrying her to his own bed and placing her gently under the covers.
Moving a chair to the bedside, Snape fell thankfully into it. The girl stirred briefly, whimpered a little, and he reached out and touched her face, gently pushing a strand of her long blond hair back. He was surprised when she clasped his hand, and then settled back into sleep. He didn't pull away though - it made him happy that the contact seemed to bring her relief.
The last thought he had before he fell to sleep himself was that her father and those boys would pay for what they had done. They would pay dearly, and he didn't care about the implications.
**********************************************
Well, there you have it. I think this chapter is rather dramatic even without the naughty bits.