Return to Valinor

By DLR  2003

Elrond/OFC

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Chapter Three

The Forest of Oromë

The spiral staircase wound upwards around the giant tree for what seemed like a league.

Elrond sighed with relief upon reaching the high flet, his heart pounding from the exertion.  A regular program of exercise, he thought grimly.  It would never do to become fat and lazy.

He took in his surroundings as his breathing returned to normal, the late afternoon sunshine filtering through the golden leaves as a faint breeze rustled them softly.  He looked up and his heart stopped as his eyes rested on a familiar figure staring down at him from a high balcony.  She disappeared, and as he waited, she emerged from a far archway, walking towards him.  She paused a few feet away and he had no idea how much time passed as they stood staring at each other.

Elrond finally cleared his throat.  "Well, it has certainly been an age, has it not?"

Celebrían smiled, breaking the tension instantly.  "Indeed yes, it has been quite some time."

Elrond's eyes glistened.  "I am pleased to see you looking so well," he whispered as he held out his arms.  She fell into them and embraced him tightly.

"I am so sorry," she said as she began to cry.

"About Arwen?"

"Yes, about Arwen, about everything," she replied as he released her and stepped back.  "Love causes one to have hard choices at times, I am certainly no stranger to that feeling," she added in a whisper.

"Why Arwen?" Elrond quietly pleaded, almost to himself.  "Of all the females in Middle-earth, be they elf or human, she was the most vulnerable, the only one that had to choose death in order to love."

"A choice that may fall to others as well," said Celebrían.  She looked apprehensive. "You have not spoken of our sons and why they are not with you."

"They stay for love of their sister," Elrond explained.  "They will come before it is too late, have faith."  He sighed.  "When they do make the journey, it will be because they have assured themselves of her happiness."

Celebrían was still for a moment, a silent tear rolling down her cheek.  "I am sorry to have left you to deal with all of that alone.  Whether my voice would have made a difference in her decision, we will never know.  There are so many things I am sorry for, that I would change if possible."   

"I shoulder much blame as well," he said quietly.  "If only I had told you everything from the beginning, things might have been different."

"And if I had told you every truth from the beginning as well," she whispered. "There would have been no beginning."

Elrond's eyebrows drew together in a scowl.  "You are referring to your lover?  Is this the same elf that is with you now, or have there been others over the years?"

Celebrían sighed.  "Elrond please, remain calm, the time for anger is long past."

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.  "You are correct, I am sorry, forgive me."

"Come and sit."  Celebrían led the way to a small shady balcony.  She said nothing for a time although Elrond could see she was in some distress. 

"What is it?" he asked, putting his hand over hers as it lay clenched on the small table.

"I could not tell you then and I still find it hard," she whispered.  "I honestly do not know why I am allowed the happiness I have today, I deserve it not."

Elrond tightened his grip on her hand.  "It cannot possibly be as bad as that which I never told you."

"I am afraid it is, it is as bad as can be," she said, unable to look at him.  "I never should have married you."

"Why do you say that?" he asked, paling slightly.

Celebrían slowly raised her gaze to meet his.  "In the eyes of Elbereth I was married already."

His eyes widened in shock.  "You said vows to Elbereth?  With him?"

She nodded.  "Without consent of our parents, it was in secret."

Elrond stared at her, his mouth open.  "Celebrían, you realize what this means?"

"Of course I do," she said with a grimace.  "This is why the annulment of our marriage was so easy, there was nothing to annul."

"But our children, their status . . ." he could not go on.

"Indeed," she quietly agreed.

Elrond continued to gape at her in astonishment.  "But you never consummated those vows with him."

"I did not," she said.  "Not back then, but in later years . . ." her voice trailed off.

The singing of nearby birds became very noticeable in the silence that ensued.

Elrond shook his head in disbelief.  "Celebrían, I am so confused.  How in all of Arda did this come to pass?"  He gave her a pained look.  "Did you never love me, then, Tithen-cugu?"*

She squeezed his hand with reassurance and took a deep breath.  "I fell in love with Halmír of Lórinand long before I met you.  Ada never knew but Naneth did and she forbade the match.  Unbeknownst to her, we had already said our vows, but I could never tell her. I should have found the strength, I know, and things would have been so very different. I was more afraid of her temper than the unknown wrath of Manwë, so when you and I met and Nana thought we would be a good match, I fell in with her wishes."

Celebrían rolled her eyes.  "Apparently the mirror foretold it."  She sighed and met his gaze.  "Things would have been so much easier if only I had not fallen in love with you, that was my undoing," she whispered.  "I loved you so much, yet I loved Halmír as well.  I was torn; I did not know what to do."

"I remember the conflict in you," Elrond recalled, "and I knew of Halmír eventually, though I had no inkling it had gone to that level."

"Manwë felt that the original vows took precedence over our later ones, even though there had been as yet no marriage of the flesh," she said.  "I wish I had known this at the time."

Elrond sighed and passed his hand over his face.  "Oh dear Eru, so many things are clearer now."

Tears glistened in her eyes. "I am so sorry, Elrond, can you ever forgive me?"

He stared at the table.  "So it is true then, you admit it, all those trips to Lothlórien over the years, they were to see him?"

"Nay," she said emphatically.  "Not until later years, much later, when it became apparent that you were with Glorfindel."

"Oh Mandos, not this again," Elrond said with frustration.  "Glorfindel and I were not lovers; we were simply very close friends.  We had a connection, yes, and a long past together where he was privy to many things I was never able to confide to you, as much as he encouraged me to.  So it may have looked like some kind of secret life.  I never, ever was unfaithful to you.  Any conversations you may have overheard, you misinterpreted them."

"I see," she said and her eyes took on a slightly cold expression.  "Does this include the conversation I overheard in Imladris just before the battle of the alliance where you and Gil-galad were discussing your love affair?"

The color drained completely out of Elrond's face.  "What are you referring to?"

She sighed.  "A conversation, an especially loud conversation between you and the high king about your intimate relationship, him saying how much he loved you and everything he did was out of love for you, and you were so very angry at him."

Elrond closed his eyes and rubbed them.  "This is the secret that I kept from you, the terrible part of my life I never had the courage to tell you about."

"This is your secret?  Your love affair with Gil-galad?"  She snorted.  "I was unaware at the time that you had consummated that relationship, which could be considered a marriage of sorts as well.  I thought perhaps his feelings were unrequited, after hearing your anger.  It was not until much later that I learned the truth of your affair."

Elrond's head snapped up and his eyes flashed.  "It was not a love affair, do not ever call it that again and it most definitely was no kind of marriage. It happened long before you and I ever met, you have no idea what the truth is, no idea what occurred between us."

She blinked her eyes, startled at his reaction.  "Whatever you wish, I am sorry. Perhaps it is time I knew, if you think you can tell me."

He sighed and managed to calm himself.  "Forgive my out-burst; it is an open sore still, yet to be healed.  The gardens of Lórien have cured me of many a worry, but this is an issue still to be addressed." 

He stood up with a groan.  "All of these stairs of yours have my legs aching.  Walk with me while I stretch them and I will tell you the whole truth of the matter, as I should have done from the very beginning.  Please understand that I never had a wish to have secrets from you, I was simply too ashamed to talk about this, to you, to anyone.  Even now, it is still hard; the pain remains fresh, after some six thousand years.  You will be quite possibly shocked; tales of this sort are very rare among our kind."

She slipped her arm through his and they walked together as the twilight emerged.  He talked to her for a long time as Vingilot began its journey across the starry summer sky.

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*Little dove