Disclaimers: I don't own any of the characters, except for Rena of course. The song Eyes on Me is copyright of Final Fantasy VIII, Squaresoft.
Author's Notes: I'm back with chapter seven! The dreaded chapter seven. *sighs* Oh well. I didn't think I'd go on this long with this story, seeing as angst isn't my forte. I guess it turned out well enough though…got good reviews and all. Thanks you guys!!!
Also, this will also be the last chapter of Once and Always. I really hope you guys loved the story, have enjoyed and all.
I'm dedicating this chapter to you!!! My faithful kind readers and reviewers! Thank you very much for ushering me to continue! Please read, review, and enjoy this too.
Warnings: The last chapter is in her point of view, other than that…nothing in this chapter. Probably torrents of tears by you somewhere at the end. Maybe. But, happy reading anyway. Enjoy!
By the way, [Italicized words-song lyrics] {Printed words-her narration}
Chapter 7:
______________________
Eyes On Me, Goodbye forever
I never sang my songs on the stage on my own…I looked back one last time at the house I would never again see. To all the memories it held me. To all the tears and the pains…
I was leaving it all behind now.
It didn't matter to me if he remembered me.
All that mattered was that I could keep all the memories of him with me. I didn't need him to remember for me, as I though I did before.
I never said my words, wishing they would be heard.I walked out the long path leading to the main gate, not looking back. Refusing my urge to take on last glance back, for I knew I would probably never get to see this house or the people in it ever again.
I would never see Kai again.
Tears were starting to sting at the sides of my eyes, but I blinked them away. No tears, no regrets. That was what I promised myself.
I reached the gateway and couldn't help myself.
I looked back one last time. I choked back the sobs that were threatening to spill. I held back my tears. Knowing I would never be able to come back.
Knowing I would never get to say all the things I wanted to say.
All the things I'll never say.
I tore my eyes of the house and stepped out the gate, a little surprised to see it was open.
I walked outside and someone caught my hand. He pulled me aside and I was caught staring into crimson pools of unmasked sorrow. It was Kai. I gave a small smile up at him and said, not able to stop the slight quiver in my voice.
"I'm leaving."
I saw you smiling at me, was it real or just my fantasy?He looked the same as always. Stoic and unfeeling. It made me wish I didn't say anything. Maybe he truly didn't care what I did. After all, he never showed any sign of caring. Except for that one night.
That one night.
I shoved his hand away and continued walking. Pretending I didn't care. After all, he couldn't see I was crying. For the first time in so long.
You'd always be there in the corner, of that tiny little bar…I walked nonstop for almost a mile, not taking notice to another set of footsteps echoing my own.
"Do you really think you can pretend you don't care?" A voice sounded from behind me. I was not startled or surprised. I hastily swiped my tears away and glared back at him.
"Go away and stop following me. I don't need you to give me advice or anything if that's what you think you're doing." I yelled unintentionally back. I didn't want this to get emotional and make another scene in front of him. I've had enough of that.
"Why are you running away?" he persisted. I folded my hands behind my back, knowing he would probably try to grab them again and force me to admit what he was saying was true.
It wasn't true.
He didn't know me. I was wrong to think he would understand me just because we knew each other well before. It was different now. And I accepted that. I didn't want him to remember me. I want him to forget.
My last night here for you, same old songs, just once more.
"I am not running away. I am not afraid anymore." I said in a slight monotone, looking him straight in the eye. He flinched slightly, as if I'd just hurled a painful insult at him. I continued in an even voice.
"Kai, I need you to understand. I know you more than you can think. I've always waited for you to come back home and tell me the things I wanted to hear. The promise you made but didn't keep."
He looked dumbstruck at what I was saying, but I looked away and stared off into the horizon.
"I thought I needed that before. I though I needed to hear you say that to me again, just like old times. But now I realize you don't have to remember me. You didn't need to tell me things I wanted to hear. And I'm perfectly okay with it now. That's why I'm leaving. I need to leave." I finished and turned my heel.
"Please understand." I muttered and started walking again.
My last night here with you? Maybe yes, maybe no…
He didn't try to follow me this time. He stood there, staring at my back as I was leaving.
I gave up trying to understand why it had to happen this was a long time ago. I just hadn't realized it sooner. I just want to get away and forget this ever happened. I just wanted to find my family. My brother.
I really didn't need Kai Hiwatari to feel safe or anything.
Because I could do it myself now.
I kind of liked it your way, how you shyly placed your eyes on me.
"Wait."
I turned and gave him one last glance in a silent farewell. I couldn't bear to say it somehow.
"You should know something before you go." He began oddly, as if he was using all of his willpower just to look cool and aloof and as if he couldn't care less. Maybe he didn't know his eyes were telling me things he really wanted to say. Feelings he never showed.
"What?" I said softly.
Did you ever know?
"You should know. I'm going to follow you all the way if you leave." He finished oddly and turned his back on me for no reason I could tell.
That I had mine on you.
Then it hit me.
It was his way of letting me know he would miss me…
I smiled at his back and stepped closer. I hesitated and when he didn't budge, I wrapped my arms around him tight as if I didn't want to let go.
Knowing if I didn't do it now, and let him know how I really felt, I'd never get to.
Ever.
He tipped his head up and stared up at the sky as I dipped my head downward to the floor. I felt his hand gripping mine as I hugged him tighter still.
Darling so there you are, with that look on your face.
As if you're never hurt.
As if you're never down.
Shall I be the one for you?
Who pinches you softly but sure.
A frown in shown then,
I will know that you are no dreamer…
I let go as he pulled back too. My heart seemed to be pounding in my chest. I found my voice and forced the words out, tears streaming freely down my face.
"Goodbye Kai. I'll miss you." I said in a choked, constricted voice.
He looked at me for the first time and he looked almost akin to the time he was crying long ago, in his room. Where I stood next to him. I knew I would not be able to do that after today.
He forced a smile at me.
"I'll miss you, Ciara Rena." He said, giving me a slight bow forward.
I was about to turn my back for the last time when he took me by surprise and planted a kiss on my lips.
I was frozen on the spot because I was too shocked to move a muscle. I also felt his hands pulling me closer to him and the fierce command he was saying in his kiss. He lifted his lips a fraction of an inch and said in a vicious whisper.
"Kiss me back."
And slowly, as he bent his head once more, I placed my arms around his neck and did just that.
So let me come to you,
Close as I want to be…
Close enough for me,
To feel your heart beating fast.
And stay there as I whisper
How I loved your peaceful eyes on me.
I kissed him back with all the things I'd never say in my mind. Wanting to tell him how I really felt about him all this time.
Did you ever know?
It went on for a few minutes before I let him go and pulled away. I was still crying as I smiled back up at him. Silently telling him I love him.
That I had mine on you…"You know," I began, still smiling as he stared at me. "It's been a long time since I cried like this. In fact, it feels like I've been crying a river these past few days with you." I half-teased as I reached out to touch his cheek on last time.
I turned my heel and walked away now.
I was done saying everything I needed to say.
I didn't have any more regrets.
I didn't have any more tears to shed.
And I didn't have Kai to love anymore.
I closed my eyes and continued on. Away from all the things I had loved and lost as a child and as a human being. Leaving it all behind with the one person I knew I loved and will always remember.
Darling , so share with me, your love if you have enough…"I'll never forget you, Rena." He said softly behind me, almost startling me with his closeness and with the familiar words he said. The words I thought I wanted to hear. And it hurt me to realize I still did.
Your tears if you're holding back, or pain if that's what it is…"I'll never forget you. And I will always be with you. I promise." He finished, speaking so close to me I could feel his breath behind me, fanning my neck.
How can I let you know, I'm more than the dress and the voice…
With that he turned his own heel and headed back as I went my way.
Just reach me out then; you will know that you are not dreaming.
And that was the last I ever saw of Kai Hiwatari. The one I have loved since my childhood years. The one I still love now. And the one I will always love in my years to come.
I have also made my promise. Years ago.
Do you remember?
I will never forget you Kai Hiwatari.
I will always be with you.
I promise.
Now and forever.
Once and always.
I love you.
Darling, so share with me
Your love if you have enough.
Your tears if you're holding back
Or pain if that's what it is.
How can I let you know?
I'm more than the dress and the voice
Just reach me out then,
You will know that you are not dreaming.
Finish*******************************
Author's Ending Notes:
I was crying when I finished at the end. Well, maybe because I was listening to the song while I was writing it. Hahahaha. Anyway, yes. This is the end. I would like to thank all my reviewers. Thanks for giving me great suggestions for her name. And your reviews really made/will make my day. Thank you, all of you. Every single person. Please tell me how this chapter went. Yes, I am once again telling you to review! Yay!
And I say again, thank you in advance! All of you. Hope you enjoyed my work as much as I enjoyed writing it for you. Well, if all goes well, I might be back with the sequel, Remember When. But it's not final and I'd still have to see. Thank you all again and I hope to see you all in my other stories too. Bye for now.
With all my love,
-Yumi Night-