Summary: Everyone deals with the aftermath of Joshua's death.
Authors Note: Sorry for the delay but you know pesky life keeps getting in the way. After this chapter there's just the epilogue and I hope to have that up shortly then I'll continue on with Trip On Love. Oh by the way did anyone else hear that they are releasing a Cruel Intentions 3 movie straight to video? Apparently there's no Kathryn/Sebastian/Annette but original characters. Scary.
Chapter 14: The First Cut Is the Deepest
I still want you by my side / just to help me dry the tears that I've cried / cause I'm sure gonna give you a try / and if you want, I'll try to love again / but baby, I'll try to love again, but I know/ The first cut is the deepest
- Cat Stevens "The First Cut is the Deepest"
Covering up a murder was really such a taxing business. Not that Marcus had much experience in that area but he had masked and concealed enough things in his life time to know how to cover up the demise of Joshua. It didn't take much, just a few helping hands, a little detective work and some cleverness. However it all had to be done quickly and quietly which meant he got little sleep that night.
Now as he walked down a block away from battery park and caught a cab the reality of what he spent the night doing began to set in. Marcus's mind had been on autopilot ever since Kathryn told him Joshua was dead and the tribunal needed to take care of it. It was a hell of a way to get woken up in the middle of the night. Of course he had wanted answers from her but she just said he was dead, or at least she was pretty sure. Then she had mumbled something about Sebastian. Marcus had pressed for more details but that was all she would give him. Since she was in fact the leader he had no choice but to do an instructed.
He had gathered some of the tribunal's older members, all guys who Marcus knew were smart enough to keep whatever they were about to do secret. After getting a lead that Joshua had left some club down town they headed to battery park and sure enough there was Joshua dead as could be, lying in an ugly mixture of snow and blood. All though it had been quite a shocking sight he hadn't wasted any time delegating commands and figuring out a course of action.
Marcus had never liked Joshua, point of fact he hated him with a deep passion. Yet seeing him lying dead like that, his eyes opened in obvious shock over what happened, he couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt. Then he started to feel annoyed that Kathryn had put him in this position to begin with and hadn't even bothered to tell him why. They had done some pretty fucked up shit in their time but murder was a whole new game. Not to mention up until a week ago Kathryn was claiming to love Joshua so what the hell exactly happened the night before? Something was most definitely rotten in Denmark.
One thing was for sure, Marcus had to talk to Annette right away. Even though it would be some time before the police discovered Joshua's body, he still wanted to tell her what happened so when she found out it wouldn't come as such a surprise. Plus this was just too big to carry around by himself and they had made a vow not to keep secrets from each other.
The cab pulled up to the Hardgroves modest home, located in a suburb of Long Island. Marcus paid the driver and as he approached the front door he tried to find the words to tell Annette that her first real boyfriend was dead-likely at the hands of Kathryn. Although she was now a tribunal member Annette was still incredibly sensitive and he had a feeling she would be devastated at the loss.
Luckily after he rang the doorbell Headmaster Hardgrove answered the door, thus giving him a little more time. "Oh hello Marcus" the older man greeted him with a typical friendly smile. "You're here early."
"Yes sir I'm sorry for just dropping by but I really need to speak with Annette. Is she awake?"
Hardgrove nodded "yes she was just down here a minute ago. Well come on in, she should be upstairs getting ready."
"Thank you" Marcus didn't bother with any more small talk and quickly made his way up the to the second floor. He stopped outside Annette's door and knocked. "Hey baby it's me."
Annette opened the door with her typical serene smile "well this is a surprise. I didn't think you'd drag yourself out of bed till at least eleven."
"Yeah" he replied gravely "well I never really went to bed. Can I come in, I need to tell you something."
Her expression growing serious she moved aside and replied "of course. Marcus what's going on?"
He stepped into her room and anxiously looked around before taking a seat on the bed. Everything in the room was neat as a pin and there was something innocent about the room that made Marcus regret having gotten involved with Annette. He had tainted her, taken her innocence away by letting Kathryn initiate her into the tribunal. He loved her more than his life but he couldn't help but think that if they hadn't fallen into this relationship he might have been able to spare her unnecessary pain.
Annette must have noticed him staring off because the concern on her face only grew. Approaching him she knelt down beside him and asked softly "what is it? You can tell me I'm a big girl."
Taking her hands in his Marcus at last met her eyes and revealed "it's about Joshua. He...he's dead."
She stared up at him blankly for a moment before slowly rising to her feet. Annette didn't cry or demand more details she simply turned towards the window. Marcus watched her concerned at how quite she was. He opened his mouth to say something when she turned back to him and asked "was it Kathryn?"
Marcus regarded her with surprise "how did you know?"
"You were at the tribunal meeting" she replied softly "you saw how angry Joshua was at her. I'm right aren't I? Kathryn killed him."
"I'm not sure exactly what happened. All I know is I got a call from Kathryn late last night telling me she thought Joshua might be dead and that we had to cover it up. I tracked down his car outside this club down by battery park. After searching most of the night we found his body in the park. He had been shot."
Annette seemed to flinch at the news but she didn't have that big emotional reaction he was expecting. She didn't cry or ask about calling the police, no she just took a seat on her bed. Sitting down beside her he told her "you know this wasn't exactly how I'd thought you'd take the news."
"Joshua was very troubled Marcus" she replied her voice tired. "He had more than his share of demons. If Kathryn did kill him I'm guessing she had her reasons."
"Yeah but it's still murder"
Annette glanced over at him "do you want to go to the police?"
He shook his head "no, that will only cause more problems. Especially since I've spent the last six hours disrupting the crime scene I don't think it's a good idea to go around making accusations."
"That's probably a good idea."
Marcus stood abruptly "what aren't you telling me? Did something happen between you and Joshua? Did he do something to you?"
"Nothing you should worry about" she explained cryptically.
"Well I am worried"
Standing beside him she changed the subject "have you talked with Kathryn at all since last night?"
"No" he admitted "but that was my next stop after I talked to you. The police shouldn't find the body for a little while but I wanted you to know what happened."
Annette smiled slightly "thank you. Are you going to talk with her now?"
"Yeah"
"Then I'm coming with you"
Marcus didn't bother hiding his hesitation at the idea. "I'm not sure that's a good idea. I mean Kathryn might-"
"I'm going with you" she replied firmly as she grabbed her coat and headed for the door. "And on the way over there you can tell me exactly what you did with Joshua's body."
* * * * * *
"Kathryn I want you to use this twice a day for the next couple of weeks or until the swelling goes down" Dr. Gray explained as she handed her over a bag of medication. As she glanced over her patient yet again she sighed "I wish you would come to the hospital and then maybe re-"
"I'm fine" Kathryn explained sharply as she once again tightened the robe around her small frame. "Thank you for coming out of your way to see me doctor."
The pretty doctor smiled sympathetically "it's not a problem. I only wish I could help you more. You know I know the numbers of a few psychiatrists who might be able to help you."
"No thank you" Kathryn replied quickly but politely. "I'm f-"
"You're fine, I get it, but it's just something to think about."
Sebastian who had been observing the conversation from the doorway couldn't help but agree with Dr. Gray. He was hardly one to condone psychiatry but Kathryn had just been through a traumatic event and he knew she was going to need a lot of help. Help he might not be able to give her. Then again he couldn't really picture Kathryn opening up to a stranger. She was having hard enough time talking to him.
The morning after the rape Sebastian had awoken from the twenty minutes of sleep he had that night to find Kathryn staring out the window in a daze. She didn't acknowledge him when he greeted her and barely said anything to him since. When he told her he was calling a doctor, a female friend of his mothers, to come over and examine her she had replied "no Sebastian."
He insisted however urging her that she didn't want any permanent damage to occur. This seemed to register and without further argument she agreed. Dr. Gray had arrived shortly after and Sebastian briefly explained the situation. He then waited outside as the doctor examined Kathryn. Now as she headed back out of the bedroom Sebastian approached her anxiously "well?"
The doctor sighed "well she's obviously been through a trauma. Besides the bruises on her face her body is in bad shape. She torn and..."
As she trailed off Sebastian nodded in understanding. "Is there anything I can do for her?"
"Make sure she takes the medication and perhaps persuade her to maybe get some counseling. I'd also advise you to report this to the police if only to keep her safe."
Flashing back to the night before with Joshua in the park Sebastian sighed "trust me it won't be a problem."
"Good" she replied as she closed her medical bag and headed for the door.
Sebastian followed her out and helped her with her coat. "I can trust this will just stay between us. I don't want my mother worrying."
Dr. Gray smiled "don't worry Sebastian, I was never here."
"Thank you"
He stood in the foyer and watched as she headed out of the house and into a cab. He trusted the doctor not to say anything about this to his mother but he still felt unnerved about keeping the whole thing a secret to begin with. For starters all anyone would need to do is get one look at Kathryn's face and they would figure out something horrible happened to her. Not to mention she wasn't exactly acting like herself. When Joshua's body was eventually found people would start to question what happened...
Sebastian however wouldn't allow that to happen. He had killed that bastard and he hadn't regretted it for a second. Joshua deserved to die for what he did to her but Kathryn didn't deserve to pay for it. Sebastian vowed to make sure no one found out Kathryn had anything to do with what happened the previous night, no matter what he had to do.
Heading into the Merteuil living room Sebastian went to the phone and dialed the hospital. He was pretty sure Joshua was good and dead but he wanted to make sure he hadn't somehow survived. Besides calling the hospital was a lot less riskier than calling the cops.
"Good morning, Mount Sinai. How may I help you?" answered a hurried older woman.
"Yes good morning I work for the Times" he greeted her in a business like tone of voice. "I was wondering if anyone was brought into the emergency room late last night or this morning. A young male about nineteen years-"
"I'm sorry sir" she interrupted "but I'm not allowed to give out that sort of information."
"I understand but perhaps you can make an-"
"Joshua's not in the hospital"
Sebastian got off the desk and spun around at the sound of Kathryn's voice. She slowly walked up to him, her face grave as she repeated "he's not in the hospital, he's dead."
He was so stunned by what she was saying he wasn't even listening to the nurse on the other end trying to get his attention. "Sir, sir? Is there anything else I can help you with?"
"I'm sorry" he mumbled into the phone before hanging it up and turning his attention back to Kathryn. Taking a deep breath Sebastian asked "how do you know he's dead?"
Her face completely void of emotion she asked "you killed him didn't you? You took my gun from the desk and shot him."
Getting to his feet Sebastian looked away from her "how did you know?"
"I woke up last night and you were gone. So was my gun and I knew...I knew you would do something I knew you would kill him."
"I'm not sure he's dead" Sebastian told her softly. "I mean I did shoot him but I can't be sure-"
"He's dead" Kathryn replied flatly "and it's taken care of."
His head whipped up as the words came out of her mouth. Striding over towards her he demanded "what do you mean it's taken care of?"
"I called Marcus and had the tribunal take care of it. No one will ever know you were involved, that either of us were involved except-"
"What?!" he roared with sudden anger. "You brought the tribunal in on this? Are you out of your fucking mind?!" Kathryn backed away from him in fear and Sebastian instantly regretted yelling at her. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that. It's just...this has nothing to do with them. You shouldn't have gotten them involved."
"There was nothing else I could do!" she yelled back at him her emotions rushing to the surface.
"You didn't have to do anything" Sebastian told her trying to take her hand.
Kathryn pulled away from him, her body trembling in anger. "Of course I had to do something! I wasn't about to loose you too!"
"Excuse me Ms. Merteuil?"
Sebastian looked past Kathryn and saw one of the maids cowering in the doorway. "What is it?"
"There are some people here to see you. Mr. James and a guest"
Kathryn rolled her eyes and sighed "great. I can't talk to him looking like this."
"It's fine I'll take care of it" he told the maid.
When they were once again alone they stared at each other hard for a moment. Finally Kathryn turned away and walked towards the door. "I'll be in my room" she called back to him. "Just tell Marcus I'm not up for seeing people this morning."
Sebastian nodded and then soon after followed her out but headed down towards the west wing sitting room. As he approached he could hear soft murmuring that sounded distinctly like Marcus and Annette. When Sebastian appeared they both looked up at him slightly alarmed at his presence.
"Where's Kathryn?" Marcus asked immediately.
"Good morning to you too" Sebastian drawled rolling his eyes as he strode up to the couple. "Kathryn's not feeling well and she's not really in the mood to see anyone."
"Well that's tough shit because we have some things to discuss" Marcus barked as he strode past him.
Grabbing him by the arm Sebastian pulled him back. "You're not going anywhere near her Marcus. Whatever you have to say to Kathryn you can say to me."
Marcus pulled out of his grasp and looked up at him obviously angered that he was being treated in such a way. "Look Valmont" he snarled "there's something going on that I need-"
"If this is about Joshua's death it doesn't concern her" Sebastian explained coldly. "I'm the one who killed him."
"What?" they both asked in unison as they exchanged confused looks.
"Yes I killed him. It had nothing to do with Kathryn. I don't know why she got you involved."
"You?" Marcus repeated. "You're telling me I spent the whole night covering up a murder of someone who's not even a tribunal member. What the hell was Kathryn thinking bringing us into this?"
"She thought she was helping me"
"Yeah well she can hide all she wants but we're having this out."
As Marcus once again attempted to head out of the room Sebastian stood in his path. "No way I'm letting you near her."
"Oh and what do you plan to do about it? Are you going to shoot me too Valmont?"
"Guys" Annette called out calmly as she attempted to reason with them. "This isn't helping anything. Sebastian if we could just talk to Kathryn and find out what is going on..."
"Out of the question"
"Then what's to stop us from going to the police?" Marcus demanded.
"No one's going to the police" Kathryn's voice rang out from across the room.
Everyone turned around as she entered including Sebastian. She was still dressed in her white robe and she hadn't made an effort to cover her bruises and scar. Both Marcus and Annette looked over at her in stunned horror. "Oh my god" Annette breathed.
Kathryn touched her face self consciously and murmured "it's not that bad, is it?"
Marcus strode over to his friend, all his anger apparently washed away. "Jesus Kathryn what happened?"
As he reached out to touch her face Kathryn immediately stepped away from him. "Don't, it's fine."
"Fine?" he repeated incredulously. "Have you been to the hospital? The cut looks-"
"I've seen a doctor" Kathryn explained.
"Did Joshua do that to you?" Annette asked speaking for the first time.
When she nodded in response Marcus tossed his head back and sighed. "Can some body please tell me what's going on?"
Sebastian opened his mouth to speak but Kathryn quickly spoke up. "It was an accident. Last night Joshua came over here, he was angry." Looking away she murmured more to herself than to them. "I had never seen him like that before. He wanted to hurt me for getting Annette involved with the tribunal. We fought, he smacked me around and Sebastian walked in. He pulled Joshua off of me and they struggled. Joshua got away and grabbed my gun from the drawer. Sebastian tried to get it away from him and it went off. Joshua got shot."
Marcus looked between Sebastian and Kathryn obviously not quite convinced by her story. "You're telling me the gun just accidentally went off? Four times?"
"No" Sebastian replied before Kathryn could. "It only happened once and Joshua was fine. However he threatened to go after Kathryn again so I followed him down to this club. We went to the park, I warned him to stay away from Kathryn. We fought again only this time I killed him."
"Is this true?" he asked Kathryn.
"Yes" she sighed "look Marcus I didn't want to get the tribunal involved in this but there was no other way. It was really all my fault any of this happened."
"No it's not" Sebastian told her adamantly. "It was that sick fuck."
"Still, offing him Valmont wasn't exactly the smartest solution. I mean there's no way the cops will find out we were involved but still it doesn't justify-"
"Maybe they had no other choice" Annette spoke up. As all eyes in the room quickly turned her way Annette seemed to ignore them all except for Kathryn. A knowing look seemed to appear on her face as she watched the brunette.
"Guys I'd like to speak to Kathryn alone for a minute."
* * * * * *
The two long sworn enemies sat across from each other, Annette in the arm chair, Kathryn on the couch, staring cautiously at one another. After much hesitation Sebastian and Marcus had left to go get some coffee down the street. Both had seemed uncomfortable at the notion of leaving the two girls alone with each other, what with their history and everything. However Annette had been pretty adamant and Kathryn hadn't objected. Now they sat in silence not sure what to say to the other.
Annette at last broke the silence with the question that had been plaguing her ever since Kathryn had walked through that door. "He raped you didn't he?"
Kathryn flinched at the question and her eyes immediately sank to the floor. "Don't be ridiculous" she replied curtly. "Joshua would never...I told you want happened."
"No you told Marcus." Annette sighed "look you don't have to tell me anything. I just wanted to tell you that I understand and that I realized last night who Joshua really is."
Kathryn's head snapped back up "what are you talking about? What did Joshua do?"
Annette took a deep breath before launching into her story. "Last night after the meeting I went to my car after saying good-bye to Marcus and Joshua followed me out. He was completely crazed he kept saying it was all your fault, that you corrupted me somehow. At first I just thought he was angry about loosing to you but then he got violent. He grabbed me and I think he would have hurt me if I hadn't gotten away. I mean it was like he was a different person-the look in his eyes was frightening. Joshua told me he was going to get you back and when I got in the car I tried to call you but the phone was busy. God if I had just called back again maybe I could have...I don't know, warned you or something."
Kathryn shook her head and smiled sadly "I wouldn't have listened to you anyway. The thing is before last night I thought I knew Joshua. I loved him for three years, I mistakenly thought he loved me back but it was you he always wanted." She snickered slightly "I was the consolation prize, imagine that."
"Kathryn I'm sorry"
"Don't be" she mumbled "you have nothing to be sorry about. You didn't do this to me, it's completely my own doing. When he showed up in my room last night I should have gotten the hell out of there but no I had to have the upper hand. I pushed him, I all but egged him on. When he forced me down onto that desk and got on top of me I should have fought him harder I should have-"
"Stop it" Annette ordered placing her hand over Kathryn's shaking one. "No matter what you think Kathryn this isn't your fault. Joshua was obviously very sick. It had nothing to do with you or me. It was all him."
Rising to her feet Kathryn glanced out the window and Annette looked on a little worried. She had never liked Kathryn, more to the point she hated her most of the time but she couldn't help but feel for her. Seeing the once great princess Merteuil fall from grace so to speak was horrible to witness. It surprised Annette how much more she hated Joshua for taking someone even as horrible as Kathryn and breaking her.
"Sebastian was just trying to protect me" she explained her voice sounding very far away. "Joshua left and Sebastian came soon after. I didn't tell him to go after him but in the back of my mind I knew he would."
"I'm sure he felt he had to" Annette remarked. "Sebastian risked a lot for you."
"Well he shouldn't have" Kathryn spat suddenly as she whipped around to face her. "He never should have put himself on the line for me. However I'm not sorry Joshua's dead."
"Neither am I"
Kathryn regarded her with surprise and just a hint of a smile. "My, my perhaps Joshua was right. Maybe I did corrupt you."
"Don't flatter yourself" Annette replied as she got to her feet. "I should get going. I told Marcus I'd meet him downstairs."
"You won't tell him about any of this will you?"
The blond smiled warmly "no of course not but if you ever need anything..."
"Oh I think we've bonded enough for one life time don't you think?"
Annette chuckled and turned to leave but before she got to the door Kathryn called to her "wait Annette. Have you, um, told Marcus about the baby yet?"
She looked back at her solemnly and replied "no not yet. There hasn't been a good time."
"Tell him" Kathryn advised. "Marcus is a good guy and he'll want to be there for you. Whatever you decide to do about it."
Annette thought about it a moment then smiled as she nodded in agreement. So Kathryn had known about the baby, Annette had figured as much. After the wedding she had gotten a call from Kathryn asking her to join the tribunal. When she balked at the request Kathryn began listing off the reasons to join, one of which was her future with Marcus. She never said anything about her being pregnant but Annette had wondered if she knew. Thinking back Annette was amazed Kathryn hadn't said anything. As she walked out of the townhouse she realized perhaps Kathryn wasn't all evil after all.
* * * * * *
"So do you want the lasagna or the salad?"
Kathryn who was sitting poised on her bed cocked at eyebrow as if saying the choice was fairly obvious. Without a word she grabbed for the salad in the plastic container. She stared down at the leafy vegetables but did not make a move to start eating.
Sebastian who took a seat beside her on the bed started to eat his lasagna but then noticed Kathryn staring at her food with little interest. This wasn't terribly surprising seeing as she barely ate anything over the past week. Ever since the incident with Joshua Sebastian hadn't left her side. He had been taking care of her day and night but there was little change. The old Kathryn seemed completely lost in the shell of the girl he loved.
"Kathryn" he prodded trying to keep his irritation at bay. "You have to eat. The doctor said you have to-"
"I don't give a shit what the doctor said" she barked tossing the salad to the ground. "I'm not hungry."
With a sigh Sebastian bent down and picked the plastic container up. "You know if starvation is a new form of diet for you I don't think it's going to work" he teased. Perhaps he could get her to at least crack a smile. However Kathryn just looked away from him disinterestedly. Moving closer to her he wrapped an arm around her and whispered in her ear "please Kathryn just eat a little something. Maybe it will make you feel better."
With a tired sigh she reached for the salad and popped some croutons into her mouth. "Happy?" she asked with a mouth full.
Sebastian laughed "that's my girl."
When Kathryn at last gave him a small smile for a moment he thought she might be coming back to him. On instinct he leaned over and kissed her. It lasted only a half a second before Kathryn jumped away from him. Recoiling back on the bed she hissed "what are you doing?"
"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have"
"No you shouldn't" Kathryn whispered as she got off the bed and moved away from Sebastian. Looking away from him she demanded "what are you doing here?"
Sebastian was surprised by the question but even more surprised at her sudden anger. The kiss had been a mistake but Kathryn was acting as if he was going to try and rape her or something. "All I was trying to do was make you feel better."
"Don't you mean make yourself feel better?"
Shaking his head he asked "what are you talking about?"
"Oh please we both know the only reason you're here is because you want to fuck. You think bringing me dinner and being at my beck and call will make me feel obligated to go to bed with you."
"Of course not!" Sebastian yelled as he got to his feet. "I would never try to get you in bed. God how can you even think that!?"
Turning away from him she told him quietly "I want you to leave."
"What?"
"I don't want you around anymore. This is hard enough without you being around me twenty four seven. You're not helping me Sebastian you're just making it worse so leave."
For once Sebastian didn't give in to her demand. Instead he told her simply "no."
Kathryn spun around "what do you mean no? I asked you to leave."
"I know what you're doing" he told her. "You think that by breaking things off with me it will make things easier not on you but on me. Well it won't, the only thing that gets me through this is being with you and I know you feel the same way."
"Get out" she ordered him. "Just get out! I don't want to be with you anymore!"
Sebastian shook his head "no I don't believe you!"
Tears were starting to well up in Kathryn's eyes as she desperately tried to wipe them away. "I don't love you anymore Sebastian. I can't love anyone so just leave me alone! Move on with your life, go be with some girl who isn't broken!'
Sebastian grasped her by the arms gently as he realized for the first time that he too was starting to tear up. Shaking his head adamantly he told her "you aren't broken! Do you hear me, you're not! And I don't want anyone else, there's only you. Just me and you Kathryn, always. I can't be with anyone else!"
"Stop it" she sobbed pulling out of his embrace. "Please just go. If you truly love me just leave and never come back. Please Sebastian, please just go."
As she cried Kathryn sank back against the bed her slender body quivering. Sebastian wanted to tell her no, he would never leave her, never but he couldn't bring himself to force himself on her. There was no way he would break things off with her even if that's what she claimed to want but he would leave her alone. For now anyway.
* * * * * *
Joshua's body surfaced from the Hudson River three weeks later. According to the police investigation he had committed suicide. Apparently he shot himself and then collapsed in to the river. There was a suicide note left in his bedroom at home and his ex girlfriend, the prestigious headmasters daughter confessed that he had threatened to kill himself the night before. By appearances Joshua looked to be just another unsatisfied poor little rich boy.
When the police arrived on Kathryn's doorstep with the disturbing news she played up the destroyed ex-girlfriend bit and let it slide that they broke up only a few days after he killed himself, thus giving him even more motive. As soon as the cops left however she let out a sigh of relief that she had been holding in ever since that night Sebastian disappeared. Just as she asked the tribunal had done it's job and made sure no one but Joshua be implicated in his death.
The funeral was held the following week and although Kathryn would rather gargle glass than attend she knew she had to. As Joshua's former girlfriend of three years it was expected of her that she attend. Although she hadn't been back at school (thanks to a forged doctors note that said she was having surgery) it wasn't on account of her appearance. Her bruises had all but healed and Kathryn was able to hide her scar with make up. However she hadn't wanted to go back on the chance that she would run into Sebastian.
She had missed him terribly over the past weeks but she knew she had to keep him away. He deserved so much better than her and Kathryn was sure he would realize that soon enough even if he didn't now. She hadn't seen him since she ordered him to leave but she knew he was lurking about. Sebastian had sent flowers and other assorted trinkets to the house along with the occasional note telling her to take her medication. There had also been a few times when Kathryn had noticed him from her bedroom window, standing across the street watching her. She pretended not to notice him but felt safe some how knowing he was out there.
On the day of the funeral Kathryn wore a simple back suite and a black hat she hoped would hide her face a little bit. The ceremony was originally planned to be held outside but it was snowing out and far too cold to gather out doors. Instead mourners, which included Joshua's family and a good many of his friends gathered into St. Timothy's.
As she entered the large cathedral Joshua's mother Viviane approached her "oh darling I'm so glad you're here."
Kathryn forced herself to be polite and offered the women a fake smile of sympathy and a hug. "Of course where else would I be" she answered flatly. "I'm so very sorry for you loss."
"Oh I know dear" she sighed. "My Joshua loved you so much. You know he often talked about marrying you."
Kathryn nodded trying her best to hold back the vomit that wanted to spew forward. "Yes I know."
"Well I have to go say a few words to the reverend. I'll talk to you after the ceremony darling, we'll catch up."
As the older woman disappeared down the aisle Kathryn slowly followed searching a place to sit. Looking towards the front she noticed Annette and Marcus standing in one of the first pews. They smiled and waved but Kathryn didn't go over. She simply nodded and took a seat in the back as she waited for the sermon to be done with.
Luckily it didn't last long and Kathryn was able to tune most of it out. A few people spoke about what a great guy Joshua was including some of the tribunal members. Kathryn had of course instructed them to do so citing it would look strange it none of his friends wanted to talk about him. The few who spoke babbled on with phony kind words and then as they headed back to their seats they looked over at her and nodded as if hoping for her approval.
As the ceremony ended with some sappy song playing the mourners slowly made their way out of the church. Kathryn had planned on being the first one out but she found herself glued to her seat unable to get up and leave. As they passed Marcus stopped and greeted her "hey Kathryn, are you coming to the thing at the Kensington's?"
"I'm not sure" she replied distractedly.
"All right" he said obviously worried about her "well I'll talk to you later."
Kathryn remained seated in the back pew until everyone left the church. The reverend left for the back room as well leaving Kathryn alone with only Joshua's dead body as company. Staring at the long black casket covered in flowers she slowly got to her feet and walked to the front. It had been an open casket funeral and Kathryn knew right away she didn't want to see Joshua again but she couldn't help it. She wanted one last look at him.
Stepping up to the black box she peered inside and shuddered as she looked down on her tormentor. He looked exactly the same. Almost as if any minute he could pop up awake and attack her once again. Staring into his face Kathryn couldn't help but flash back to that night. A shiver coursed through her body as she hissed at him aloud "I wish it had been me that shot you."
"Yes but I have a better aim"
Kathryn spun around at the sound of the familiar voice and found Sebastian sitting in the front pew, a half smile on his handsome face. A feeling of relief washed over her as she saw him. "Sebastian what are you doing here?"
"Why do you think? I came for you"
She looked away from him and back to the casket. "Suicide is such a tragic thing" she snickered morbidly.
Sebastian stood beside her and looked down at Joshua. "I have to admit your little group does good work. I never would have thought to make it look like a suicide." Reaching out he gently touched her face and remarked "your face looks a lot better. How does it feel?"
"It hurts" she replied.
Sebastian knew she wasn't just talking about her face and he ached to make her feel better. Moving closer to her he whispered "Kathryn"
"I have to get going" she told him as she brushed past him and hurried down the isle.
"Do you honestly think I'm just going to give up on you that easily?"
Kathryn stopped in her tracks and turned back to face him. With a tired sigh she replied "you need to. Sebastian you have to let me go. You deserve better than me."
"Better than you?" he spat. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"I'm damaged"
"Well fuck Kathryn we're all damaged. What makes you so god damn special?"
"You know why!" Shaking her head in frustration she told him "things can't be like they were before Sebastian. I can't...I'm not ready to sleep with you yet. I don't know if I ever will be."
To Kathryn's great astonishment Sebastian tossed back his head and laughed at this. "It that what this is all about? You're pushing me away because you think all I want from you is sex? Jesus Kathryn I don't care anything about that."
"Yeah right" she huffed as she turned away from him.
He forced her back around and replied sternly "I don't love you because of the sex Kathryn. I mean I won't lie to you, it is appealing and I do miss not getting to touch you and feel you but I can wait, even if it never happens again. I'm in love with you Kathryn not because of how you are in bed but because of who you are. Your strength, your cleverness, your attitude and okay your beauty" he admitted with a sly smile. "That's what I love about you. Nothing that Joshua did can take that away."
Kathryn let out a defeated sigh as she walked past him towards the casket. "You know I loved Joshua. He might have never truly loved me but I loved him. For all those same reasons you love me and more. Most of all though I thought he was my equal. When I met Joshua I thought I met my match but then things changed."
"What?"
She looked back at him "I met you. God I hated you so much at first. You were arrogant, spoiled, ruthless, brilliant and annoyingly gorgeous. You got under my skin so much but I could never figure out the exact reason why. Then one day it occured to me, I hated you because you were just like me. You were my true equal, not Joshua. He never challenged me like you did, never drove me crazy, he never looked at me the same way you do. You look at me with love he looked at me like a trophy. I never realized the difference before but I do now."
Sebastian smiled at he came up behind her and put a gentle hand on her waist. Bending down he whispered to her "then stop pushing me away. Let me love you and take care of you."
"You deserve better than what I have to offer you" she whispered her voice breaking.
He smiled faintly "what makes you think I have anything to offer you outside the bedroom?"
Kathryn smiled slightly as she looked up at him "I love you Valmont."
"I know" he whispered.
Slowly she leaned up and kissed him softly on the mouth. It was a quick kiss but a definite promise for the future. As they pulled away she asked him "can you take me home now?"
Sebastian didn't reply he simply nodded and took her by the hand. He lead her outside where it was snowing heavily and there was only one limo lined up by the side walk. As they slid into the warm car Kathryn curled up against Sebastian feeling for the first time in weeks completely and totally at ease. More than anything though she felt safe. Never in her life, not with her parents or with Joshua did she ever feel that way. Laying beside Sebastian Kathryn felt completely secure in the knowledge that he would always be there for her. He would always watch after her just as she would always watch over him.
Epilogue Coming Soon