Ok, well I'm just slightly giddy today, cause. it's nearly HALLOWEEN!!!!
Yeah, yeah, I know that we demon's aren't meant to like it, and most don't.
Me. I just see it as yet another chance to PARTY. Plus it's one time of
year when EVERYONE tells me how great my outfit is. Soooo I've been
promising to tell you about the trip to Vegas for ages haven't I? Yes I
know I keep saying I will then tell you something else, but this is it I
promise. Cross my ass and hope to die (think about it!).
It all started with a simple phone call from Nyssa. Oh well ok it wasn't really a simple call, damn that girl gives good phone, but Nyssa is a fabulous person for whom I will always have a rather large squishy spot. Nyssa was one of the girls from my act at The Tropicana. She stayed in touch after the whole nasty business was over and anyhoo to cut my rather sweet but totally unplot-related meanderings down to a minimum, she was calling to tell me that she and some of the other girls had started up their own show at a small off-strip club and would I please, please come and help with the grand opening. Well firstly I have never been one to turn down a decent gig, plus a Halloween party in Vegas and how could I refuse a friend?
Again I'm cutting things short here cause the explanation of how the trip turned from me going to help a friend into, me, Gunn, Xander and an EXTREMELY unhappy Angel on a 6 hour road trip to Vegas, is WAY too much for anyone to cope with. Suffice to say that is was a mischief night escapade gone wrong that meant Angel's hair was now somewhat singed. Yeah I know, I thought it would grow back straight away with the whole vampire thing too, but who knew. oh and his eyebrows were also missing along with all traces of eyelashes and facial hair of any kind.
So now that the vampire's hair has pissed everyone in the car off, in that its owner will NOT shut up about the injustice of it even though it wasn't any of us who left the curtains open as a joke! Anyhoo, it had nothing to do with me, but I managed to shut his moaning ass up with a promise of a demon barber I knew who had nothing to do with Seville or 70's British police drama (ooh now there's a tough reference. Answers on a postcard folks.) and had managed to make Burt Reynolds look passable without the toupee, yeah he is a demon, so is Ted Danson - different species of course but they both used the same guy for years before deciding on dumping the barber and using the VERY unconvincing rugs. Plus a whole host of other famous folks are demons too, of course I wouldn't be so much of a bitch as to out them, but if Danson and Reynolds can cope with wearing such appallingly obvious syrup of figs, I reckon they deserve everything they get. Just cause Rima upped his prices 300%, the guy has to make a living.
So we're all sat in complete silence trying not to mention anything even remotely follicly related. Well I'm sure you can guess just how much the silence is killing me, especially after my attempts to cheer everyone up with a song were met with frankly rather excessive threats of physical violence! I mean how am I supposed to sing, the whole reason for the trip, with that shoved up my ass? I think it's a sad reflection of Gunn's lack of confidence with his own masculinity that he carries such a big baseball bat. Truthfully I had no idea those boys were capable of such dreadful language.
So instead of pursuing the issue further I let my eyes close, as Gunn is doing the driving that's not as dangerous as you might have initially imagined, and eventually fall asleep. (Oh this is the moment where that whole whirring, blurring, arms waving, heading into a dream sequence thing happens.)
Of course at this point I realise this is soooo not going to be my day when I discover myself smack bang in the middle of Martha Stewart's Halloween Special. Which I admit, in itself may seem like a good thing, but when you take into account that this is a special live from the Salem witch trials where yours truly is the number one witch suspect, well. You get the picture right? This is NOT a good thing. Hey, so I have weird dreams from time to time, like you've never had anything remotely odd penetrate your sleep-addled brain. Right! Just make sure you never hum in front of me buster or I'll be reminding you of your claim to have totally non-bizzaro dreams.
So anyhoo. Martha is in the middle of telling me that really I should have been preparing the snack table layout weeks ago, whilst Judge Judy is now in the centre of the courtroom announcing that I have to pay the plaintiff the $3000 in medical bills before they tie my ass to the stake outside and discover if my green appendages taste anything like frogs legs. (Even in my dreams people only come up with shit green jokes, you know what I'd LOVE to do? You ever seen the nose joke section from Roxanne? If not go watch it and you'll understand. Oh how cool would that be.) Right now they're all standing around discussing what frogs legs actually taste like. The bailiff guy thinks that they don't really taste like chicken, he reckons that's just a fallacy and spread by people who claim to have eaten them. Judy's had snails before but never frogs legs and it takes Martha to explain that they actually taste a little bit like sautéed aardvark. (Hello it's a DREAM!!!!) Of course the most disturbing aspect for me is that I'm decked out in one of those AWFUL puritan costume things, you know the whole monochrome thing. How many ways are there to say YUK!!!
I'm trying to get Martha to stop making a Halloween centrepiece out of my favourite shirt, cause she's ripping it, whilst giving everyone a recap of the recipe for Jack-o' lantern tarts, that taste NOTHING like aardvark, sautéed or otherwise. At this point I'm having a full-blown panic attack cause I don't own a sharp paring knife. I should have had it sharpened. It was on my to do list. Now it's too late. I'm sorry Martha. I'm yanking on her sleeve begging forgiveness as she just gives me her icy stare. it's terrifying in a way I never dreamed possible.
"Ok if someone doesn't get him the hell off me I swear I'll. I'll. just get him off!!!"
I wake up to find myself being slapped around the head by Xander who obviously didn't appreciate my thinking he was Martha. What? She's cute and blonde. Sure she's a little anal but. Ok I'm stopping right there with that one. Anyhoo. right now I'm just glad to be free of her accusing gaze even though Xander is now pouting and has put most of his unbelievable supplies of candy away even though right now I could kill for chocolate. I say unbelievable simply because of the sheer quantities involved. I mean sure most people get candy to take on the journey but Xander makes the whole process an art form.
"Hey I'm sorry ok. I thought you were Martha." I decide to apologise in the hope that the candy will make a return appearance, but all it does is spark a debate over which of Martha's Halloween treats are the tastiest! I swear these guys are even more camp than me sometimes. In fact the debate gets rather heated and ends up with Xander calling Willow to ask if she was taping the pirate special. Ok so I made that last bit up and admit it's a touch cruel but the guy did just hit me!
Well once again I'll curtail my waffling for the sake of everyone's sanity and cut to the off strip-club. oops that's off-strip club. sorry. Hey so it's a bad joke. well so is being stuck in a car with those guys for what seemed like an eternity, even once the sun went down and the big sulking one emerged from under his blanket it was still not exactly the fun time I had planned, although looking at his hair, or lack thereof was rather entertaining. It makes his cheeks look even chubbier than normal bless him. You just want to pinch them and. Ok stopping again. So we arrive at the club to be greeted by Nyssa who throws her very pretty arms around me and after a very long and satisfying kiss yells. "Trick or treat?" I respond that the trick she does with her tongue ring is a treat itself but she just slaps my ass and tell me to behave myself. I remind her that once she's done that she has to repeat the mouth to mouth or it's not proper CPR.
So my slot starts at midnight and its now 7.30. Plenty of time for lots of fun in the meantime if the joy drag factor from the sulk squad doesn't completely ruin my evening. After five minutes of reunions with the girls though, it's impossible to be glum. Bless their hearts. I'm stuck in the middle of a very enjoyable showgirl sandwich whilst the others are still looking like someone slapped them with raw halibut. But Nyssa wont let anyone be blue tonight and within an hour has our boys, even the big brooding one himself, laughing and joking. Of course Angel is still just a little more down than the rest. Most likely because its sort of obvious even after only 20 minutes or so that all of his friends are going to be having a REALLY good time before the night is through. Hey the guy's my friend but the tongue ring thing is only the first of Nyssa's many, many talents so no way am I missing out there. I'm sorry, I have sex, now deal with it! But really I feel for the guy I mean all that sex. Water, water everywhere nor any a drop to drink. Actually its one thing about the curse I never got. Do you think it includes. You know. Well what I'm trying to say is that. this perfect happiness. does it have to be caused by someone else or can it be. umm, self-induced, do you think? Well sure I know, its exactly the sort of question you'd think I'd have asked but. Hey even I draw the line at asking a guy if he really is a wanker or at least has the potential to be one without losing his soul. But how much of a cruddy deal would that be? Yikes now that's the ultimate curse. Take away a man's ability to masturbate and well someone give me the shotgun right now!
Sorry, sidetracked again. But as any guy will tell you, that's a rather important sidetrack. Almost becomes more of a main road when you think about it. Still back to the party, which by this point is in full swing and pretty darn amazing. Nyssa and I retired for a while but I'm just too sweet to say anymore than that right now, other than. Damn she's a talented girl. Anyhoo we're back at the party and well. You know that moment when you just KNOW things have been going WAY too well. That was the moment. What surprises me is that I never saw it coming. Never realised that she had taken something that I considered to be a fundamental part of myself, but then not being psychic anymore I wouldn't have seen it would I?
"Nyssa what have you done?" Right now panic is starting to set in. It's like someone has just decided to let me get a close up of my own intestines.
"Lorne I'm sorry." Sorry? I'll show the little tramp sorry. "I swear if there had been another way."
"There's always another way damn it. Now talk to me." It's not often I get angry but when I do its sooo not pretty. trust me, it's a green thing.
What's weird is that she seems genuinely scared. "Nyssa whoever made you do this. I have Angel and the guys here. We can help, but first you have to tell me what's going on."
She isn't listening, all she does is shake her head and move towards the stage. "I'm sorry Lorne really, please trust me, this isn't what it seems I promise." Then she's gone, backstage with the others preparing for the show.
For a moment I'm just standing there, till Angel arrives by my side looking concerned. I swear I feel like a guy who just had his wallet lifted by a hooker, only this one got something just a bit more valuable than my wallet.
"She took your powers?"
The incredulous look on his face makes me wonder if there's another way I could have said it. "Yeah, its like I can't see anything. Well other than normal stuff, no auras no nothing." I look down at my hands, shaking violently. It's weird but somehow. Somehow I'm terrified. I feel lost and like I don't understand what's going on. All the clues I see just by looking at someone are gone. I don't know how I'm supposed to know how to be and I haven't felt like that since I was there. The place that laughingly referred to itself as home for all those years. I felt like this there and I hate it.
"Wow all Samson and Delilah like." The Vampire continued.
"I'd say more like Wolverine, when Magneto ripped the adamantium from his bones. He lost that invincibility he had, and he was left with only bone claws and his healing factor. Bone breaks, the metal didn't. He felt helpless for a very long time, and had to leave to find out who he was after it happened" Xander offered. "Or even Emma Frost. She was a telepath and lost her abilities and had to share a body with Bobby Drake(Iceman)."
Bless he's a sweetie, but he's a geek. A cute geek, but a geek through and through.
"So we go get this girl and make her give them back now right?" I can always rely on Gunn to bring that lovely playground mentality to the proceedings. They take. We take back and hit them whilst doing it.
But something, other than my psychic abilities, tells me there's more to this than meets the eye. "No, she's scared and not of what we're going to do to her. I could tell that much without. without being able to read her." It's like someone has take the centre of my being and ripped it out.
Right, more of me to cut through the stuff that's real exciting to look at but not to read. So while I'm still feeling like someone has taken one of the most important things in my life, Angel and Gunn go searching for Nyssa who has disappeared and no one either knows or will tell them where she went. I finally get my head together and head into the dressing room to see if I can find something, anything that might help. Her purse was still where she had left it and a first glance showed nothing unusual. In the side pocket though is a letter, with my name on it.
Lorne.
I'm so sorry I had to do this, but he took Amy and you know I can't let him hurt her. He promised that all he wanted was your gift and then he'd give her back. If I let Angel or anyone try and help he'll kill her. He just wants to make you suffer for before. Lorne please, once she's free I swear I'll tell you where he is and try to help, but I won't let Amy die for this I won't.
Amy is Nyssa's 6-year-old daughter. She's quite the little lady. Knows her own mind and. The crazy thing is if she'd asked me. But I know she couldn't risk it. If I'd said no. Not that I would have, but I understand. I also don't need to see the son of a bitch's name to know who has Amy. It's at times like these when I wish that I had just smacked the slimy little scum-sucking bastard before I smashed the damn orb. Anyhoo. I didn't so there's nothing I can do about that now.
I head back out into the club where Angel and the others are busy questioning everyone they can find. After showing them the letter we head out to try and find what my friend Mr DeMarco has been up to all this time. Sooo we're once again on the streets of Vegas fighting evil folks who don't like me. It's REALLY not how I planned this trip ending up. In fact it's about as far from my expectations as you can get. Gunn is sulking claiming that I have cursed Vegas and that he is NEVER going to be able to just come here and have a good time. Poor Xander, who was here to be cheered up, is trying his best to be supportive, but really this is one of those situations where the only consolation will be some form of resolution.
We spend the next two hours going from place to place trying to find where Lee went. Angel and the boys rough up a couple of vamps who tell us he's taken this new club over on. Yup you guessed it. Exactly where we just left. So as our two-hour wild goose finally wings it's way back to the club. We're met at the door by some rather. Well I can only describe them as stereotypical heavies. So the heavies escort us into a back room. There's always a back room. Although in my club the back room was the bedroom. Does that say something about my priorities do you think?
"See now I just knew you'd have to come. Rub my nose in it. But you are such an." Lee stops sounding like a REALLY crap villain for a moment to prepare his lame threats. "Umm don't even think about trying anything, because I have the little girl and I will kill her before you can get anywhere near her."
It's so hard not to just stand here and make fun of the guy. I mean he really is one of the most pathetic looking evildoers I ever came across. It's saying something when even I can out fight the bad guys. Still like all little men he has a super sized ego and he also has my friend's little girl, so although I'm calling him a bad villain, in the grand scheme of things he's really not doing all that bad is he? Anyhoo. I know I even manage to get sidetracked in the really exciting bits, sorry. So Lee's doing the whole 'I'm really 6 foot tall and broad shouldered as opposed to a pathetic little asshole who uses children as shields', and I'm trying to look scared. Cause he really does have the upper hand right now and despite the fact that he looks like an asshole he has had the crap beaten out of me before now and. You know I still see the look on her face sometimes. She was looking at me as if it wasn't anything like she thought it was going to be. I think she was waiting for the pain to kick in maybe, or. well honestly I don't know. But I think I expected there to be more blood than there was. On the table, there were these little specks of stuff, and there was blood, but I thought there'd be more. I thought he was bluffing. Oh god I thought he was bluffing.
The rage wells up again. It's terrifying, yet somehow comforting. I want to squish the little fucker and show him his own brain matter, just like he showed me hers. It's only then that I see Angel, or more appropriately don't see Angel, but anyhoo he's not there, and as Lee's thugs didn't take him that means he's off looking for Amy and has a plan and will sort all this out and. I love knowing champions. Really, makes life so much less complicated. well other than the apocalypses and the having your club wrecked and being beaten by countless demons who don't like your champion friends and.
See I told you he was being all brave and heroic.
Angel has come back into the room and is now along with Gunn, Xander and a little help from yours truly, beating the crap out of Lee and his minions. Ok want to know something? Every now and again even I enjoy a good fight. But that's between us right? No telling the rest of the world. Anyhoo the point in telling you this is that as he's my villain I get to do the final flourish with him. It's sort of a rule see. If the present bad guy is directing their badness at one particular individual from team good guys. (That's us for the terminally stupid) Then said individual has the right to any resulting final quip or amusing hit when aforementioned bad guy is defeated. Truth is though what I really want is to make sure that my friends are ok. Still its sort of my duty to make the villain look like an asshole, so I deliver said punch in the nose and witty line before looking to Angel for confirmation that Amy and Nyssa are ok.
They are of course. And so we spend the rest of the time carrying on where we left off. Hey I'm not ending a party just cause some jerk tries to ruin it. Nyssa has taken Amy home, after the necessary, but still fun, way required to put my psychicness back. Apparently Lee had found a variation on the spell we used to bind Cordy's visions when she was with Groo, but this unbound mine so that when Nyssa and I. Well you get the picture. Anyhoo. We all get back to the fun and I give probably the best show of my life come midnight.
So there you have it. A rather eventful Halloween to say the least. I'm sort of hoping this year will be just a bit quieter. What? Oh the Angel bit. He rescued her in his own inimitable way what more can I tell you. I didn't see it, this isn't television where we can cut from scene to scene you know! I'm telling you what happened, to me. The rest. Well you'll have to ask Angel won't you.
It all started with a simple phone call from Nyssa. Oh well ok it wasn't really a simple call, damn that girl gives good phone, but Nyssa is a fabulous person for whom I will always have a rather large squishy spot. Nyssa was one of the girls from my act at The Tropicana. She stayed in touch after the whole nasty business was over and anyhoo to cut my rather sweet but totally unplot-related meanderings down to a minimum, she was calling to tell me that she and some of the other girls had started up their own show at a small off-strip club and would I please, please come and help with the grand opening. Well firstly I have never been one to turn down a decent gig, plus a Halloween party in Vegas and how could I refuse a friend?
Again I'm cutting things short here cause the explanation of how the trip turned from me going to help a friend into, me, Gunn, Xander and an EXTREMELY unhappy Angel on a 6 hour road trip to Vegas, is WAY too much for anyone to cope with. Suffice to say that is was a mischief night escapade gone wrong that meant Angel's hair was now somewhat singed. Yeah I know, I thought it would grow back straight away with the whole vampire thing too, but who knew. oh and his eyebrows were also missing along with all traces of eyelashes and facial hair of any kind.
So now that the vampire's hair has pissed everyone in the car off, in that its owner will NOT shut up about the injustice of it even though it wasn't any of us who left the curtains open as a joke! Anyhoo, it had nothing to do with me, but I managed to shut his moaning ass up with a promise of a demon barber I knew who had nothing to do with Seville or 70's British police drama (ooh now there's a tough reference. Answers on a postcard folks.) and had managed to make Burt Reynolds look passable without the toupee, yeah he is a demon, so is Ted Danson - different species of course but they both used the same guy for years before deciding on dumping the barber and using the VERY unconvincing rugs. Plus a whole host of other famous folks are demons too, of course I wouldn't be so much of a bitch as to out them, but if Danson and Reynolds can cope with wearing such appallingly obvious syrup of figs, I reckon they deserve everything they get. Just cause Rima upped his prices 300%, the guy has to make a living.
So we're all sat in complete silence trying not to mention anything even remotely follicly related. Well I'm sure you can guess just how much the silence is killing me, especially after my attempts to cheer everyone up with a song were met with frankly rather excessive threats of physical violence! I mean how am I supposed to sing, the whole reason for the trip, with that shoved up my ass? I think it's a sad reflection of Gunn's lack of confidence with his own masculinity that he carries such a big baseball bat. Truthfully I had no idea those boys were capable of such dreadful language.
So instead of pursuing the issue further I let my eyes close, as Gunn is doing the driving that's not as dangerous as you might have initially imagined, and eventually fall asleep. (Oh this is the moment where that whole whirring, blurring, arms waving, heading into a dream sequence thing happens.)
Of course at this point I realise this is soooo not going to be my day when I discover myself smack bang in the middle of Martha Stewart's Halloween Special. Which I admit, in itself may seem like a good thing, but when you take into account that this is a special live from the Salem witch trials where yours truly is the number one witch suspect, well. You get the picture right? This is NOT a good thing. Hey, so I have weird dreams from time to time, like you've never had anything remotely odd penetrate your sleep-addled brain. Right! Just make sure you never hum in front of me buster or I'll be reminding you of your claim to have totally non-bizzaro dreams.
So anyhoo. Martha is in the middle of telling me that really I should have been preparing the snack table layout weeks ago, whilst Judge Judy is now in the centre of the courtroom announcing that I have to pay the plaintiff the $3000 in medical bills before they tie my ass to the stake outside and discover if my green appendages taste anything like frogs legs. (Even in my dreams people only come up with shit green jokes, you know what I'd LOVE to do? You ever seen the nose joke section from Roxanne? If not go watch it and you'll understand. Oh how cool would that be.) Right now they're all standing around discussing what frogs legs actually taste like. The bailiff guy thinks that they don't really taste like chicken, he reckons that's just a fallacy and spread by people who claim to have eaten them. Judy's had snails before but never frogs legs and it takes Martha to explain that they actually taste a little bit like sautéed aardvark. (Hello it's a DREAM!!!!) Of course the most disturbing aspect for me is that I'm decked out in one of those AWFUL puritan costume things, you know the whole monochrome thing. How many ways are there to say YUK!!!
I'm trying to get Martha to stop making a Halloween centrepiece out of my favourite shirt, cause she's ripping it, whilst giving everyone a recap of the recipe for Jack-o' lantern tarts, that taste NOTHING like aardvark, sautéed or otherwise. At this point I'm having a full-blown panic attack cause I don't own a sharp paring knife. I should have had it sharpened. It was on my to do list. Now it's too late. I'm sorry Martha. I'm yanking on her sleeve begging forgiveness as she just gives me her icy stare. it's terrifying in a way I never dreamed possible.
"Ok if someone doesn't get him the hell off me I swear I'll. I'll. just get him off!!!"
I wake up to find myself being slapped around the head by Xander who obviously didn't appreciate my thinking he was Martha. What? She's cute and blonde. Sure she's a little anal but. Ok I'm stopping right there with that one. Anyhoo. right now I'm just glad to be free of her accusing gaze even though Xander is now pouting and has put most of his unbelievable supplies of candy away even though right now I could kill for chocolate. I say unbelievable simply because of the sheer quantities involved. I mean sure most people get candy to take on the journey but Xander makes the whole process an art form.
"Hey I'm sorry ok. I thought you were Martha." I decide to apologise in the hope that the candy will make a return appearance, but all it does is spark a debate over which of Martha's Halloween treats are the tastiest! I swear these guys are even more camp than me sometimes. In fact the debate gets rather heated and ends up with Xander calling Willow to ask if she was taping the pirate special. Ok so I made that last bit up and admit it's a touch cruel but the guy did just hit me!
Well once again I'll curtail my waffling for the sake of everyone's sanity and cut to the off strip-club. oops that's off-strip club. sorry. Hey so it's a bad joke. well so is being stuck in a car with those guys for what seemed like an eternity, even once the sun went down and the big sulking one emerged from under his blanket it was still not exactly the fun time I had planned, although looking at his hair, or lack thereof was rather entertaining. It makes his cheeks look even chubbier than normal bless him. You just want to pinch them and. Ok stopping again. So we arrive at the club to be greeted by Nyssa who throws her very pretty arms around me and after a very long and satisfying kiss yells. "Trick or treat?" I respond that the trick she does with her tongue ring is a treat itself but she just slaps my ass and tell me to behave myself. I remind her that once she's done that she has to repeat the mouth to mouth or it's not proper CPR.
So my slot starts at midnight and its now 7.30. Plenty of time for lots of fun in the meantime if the joy drag factor from the sulk squad doesn't completely ruin my evening. After five minutes of reunions with the girls though, it's impossible to be glum. Bless their hearts. I'm stuck in the middle of a very enjoyable showgirl sandwich whilst the others are still looking like someone slapped them with raw halibut. But Nyssa wont let anyone be blue tonight and within an hour has our boys, even the big brooding one himself, laughing and joking. Of course Angel is still just a little more down than the rest. Most likely because its sort of obvious even after only 20 minutes or so that all of his friends are going to be having a REALLY good time before the night is through. Hey the guy's my friend but the tongue ring thing is only the first of Nyssa's many, many talents so no way am I missing out there. I'm sorry, I have sex, now deal with it! But really I feel for the guy I mean all that sex. Water, water everywhere nor any a drop to drink. Actually its one thing about the curse I never got. Do you think it includes. You know. Well what I'm trying to say is that. this perfect happiness. does it have to be caused by someone else or can it be. umm, self-induced, do you think? Well sure I know, its exactly the sort of question you'd think I'd have asked but. Hey even I draw the line at asking a guy if he really is a wanker or at least has the potential to be one without losing his soul. But how much of a cruddy deal would that be? Yikes now that's the ultimate curse. Take away a man's ability to masturbate and well someone give me the shotgun right now!
Sorry, sidetracked again. But as any guy will tell you, that's a rather important sidetrack. Almost becomes more of a main road when you think about it. Still back to the party, which by this point is in full swing and pretty darn amazing. Nyssa and I retired for a while but I'm just too sweet to say anymore than that right now, other than. Damn she's a talented girl. Anyhoo we're back at the party and well. You know that moment when you just KNOW things have been going WAY too well. That was the moment. What surprises me is that I never saw it coming. Never realised that she had taken something that I considered to be a fundamental part of myself, but then not being psychic anymore I wouldn't have seen it would I?
"Nyssa what have you done?" Right now panic is starting to set in. It's like someone has just decided to let me get a close up of my own intestines.
"Lorne I'm sorry." Sorry? I'll show the little tramp sorry. "I swear if there had been another way."
"There's always another way damn it. Now talk to me." It's not often I get angry but when I do its sooo not pretty. trust me, it's a green thing.
What's weird is that she seems genuinely scared. "Nyssa whoever made you do this. I have Angel and the guys here. We can help, but first you have to tell me what's going on."
She isn't listening, all she does is shake her head and move towards the stage. "I'm sorry Lorne really, please trust me, this isn't what it seems I promise." Then she's gone, backstage with the others preparing for the show.
For a moment I'm just standing there, till Angel arrives by my side looking concerned. I swear I feel like a guy who just had his wallet lifted by a hooker, only this one got something just a bit more valuable than my wallet.
"She took your powers?"
The incredulous look on his face makes me wonder if there's another way I could have said it. "Yeah, its like I can't see anything. Well other than normal stuff, no auras no nothing." I look down at my hands, shaking violently. It's weird but somehow. Somehow I'm terrified. I feel lost and like I don't understand what's going on. All the clues I see just by looking at someone are gone. I don't know how I'm supposed to know how to be and I haven't felt like that since I was there. The place that laughingly referred to itself as home for all those years. I felt like this there and I hate it.
"Wow all Samson and Delilah like." The Vampire continued.
"I'd say more like Wolverine, when Magneto ripped the adamantium from his bones. He lost that invincibility he had, and he was left with only bone claws and his healing factor. Bone breaks, the metal didn't. He felt helpless for a very long time, and had to leave to find out who he was after it happened" Xander offered. "Or even Emma Frost. She was a telepath and lost her abilities and had to share a body with Bobby Drake(Iceman)."
Bless he's a sweetie, but he's a geek. A cute geek, but a geek through and through.
"So we go get this girl and make her give them back now right?" I can always rely on Gunn to bring that lovely playground mentality to the proceedings. They take. We take back and hit them whilst doing it.
But something, other than my psychic abilities, tells me there's more to this than meets the eye. "No, she's scared and not of what we're going to do to her. I could tell that much without. without being able to read her." It's like someone has take the centre of my being and ripped it out.
Right, more of me to cut through the stuff that's real exciting to look at but not to read. So while I'm still feeling like someone has taken one of the most important things in my life, Angel and Gunn go searching for Nyssa who has disappeared and no one either knows or will tell them where she went. I finally get my head together and head into the dressing room to see if I can find something, anything that might help. Her purse was still where she had left it and a first glance showed nothing unusual. In the side pocket though is a letter, with my name on it.
Lorne.
I'm so sorry I had to do this, but he took Amy and you know I can't let him hurt her. He promised that all he wanted was your gift and then he'd give her back. If I let Angel or anyone try and help he'll kill her. He just wants to make you suffer for before. Lorne please, once she's free I swear I'll tell you where he is and try to help, but I won't let Amy die for this I won't.
Amy is Nyssa's 6-year-old daughter. She's quite the little lady. Knows her own mind and. The crazy thing is if she'd asked me. But I know she couldn't risk it. If I'd said no. Not that I would have, but I understand. I also don't need to see the son of a bitch's name to know who has Amy. It's at times like these when I wish that I had just smacked the slimy little scum-sucking bastard before I smashed the damn orb. Anyhoo. I didn't so there's nothing I can do about that now.
I head back out into the club where Angel and the others are busy questioning everyone they can find. After showing them the letter we head out to try and find what my friend Mr DeMarco has been up to all this time. Sooo we're once again on the streets of Vegas fighting evil folks who don't like me. It's REALLY not how I planned this trip ending up. In fact it's about as far from my expectations as you can get. Gunn is sulking claiming that I have cursed Vegas and that he is NEVER going to be able to just come here and have a good time. Poor Xander, who was here to be cheered up, is trying his best to be supportive, but really this is one of those situations where the only consolation will be some form of resolution.
We spend the next two hours going from place to place trying to find where Lee went. Angel and the boys rough up a couple of vamps who tell us he's taken this new club over on. Yup you guessed it. Exactly where we just left. So as our two-hour wild goose finally wings it's way back to the club. We're met at the door by some rather. Well I can only describe them as stereotypical heavies. So the heavies escort us into a back room. There's always a back room. Although in my club the back room was the bedroom. Does that say something about my priorities do you think?
"See now I just knew you'd have to come. Rub my nose in it. But you are such an." Lee stops sounding like a REALLY crap villain for a moment to prepare his lame threats. "Umm don't even think about trying anything, because I have the little girl and I will kill her before you can get anywhere near her."
It's so hard not to just stand here and make fun of the guy. I mean he really is one of the most pathetic looking evildoers I ever came across. It's saying something when even I can out fight the bad guys. Still like all little men he has a super sized ego and he also has my friend's little girl, so although I'm calling him a bad villain, in the grand scheme of things he's really not doing all that bad is he? Anyhoo. I know I even manage to get sidetracked in the really exciting bits, sorry. So Lee's doing the whole 'I'm really 6 foot tall and broad shouldered as opposed to a pathetic little asshole who uses children as shields', and I'm trying to look scared. Cause he really does have the upper hand right now and despite the fact that he looks like an asshole he has had the crap beaten out of me before now and. You know I still see the look on her face sometimes. She was looking at me as if it wasn't anything like she thought it was going to be. I think she was waiting for the pain to kick in maybe, or. well honestly I don't know. But I think I expected there to be more blood than there was. On the table, there were these little specks of stuff, and there was blood, but I thought there'd be more. I thought he was bluffing. Oh god I thought he was bluffing.
The rage wells up again. It's terrifying, yet somehow comforting. I want to squish the little fucker and show him his own brain matter, just like he showed me hers. It's only then that I see Angel, or more appropriately don't see Angel, but anyhoo he's not there, and as Lee's thugs didn't take him that means he's off looking for Amy and has a plan and will sort all this out and. I love knowing champions. Really, makes life so much less complicated. well other than the apocalypses and the having your club wrecked and being beaten by countless demons who don't like your champion friends and.
See I told you he was being all brave and heroic.
Angel has come back into the room and is now along with Gunn, Xander and a little help from yours truly, beating the crap out of Lee and his minions. Ok want to know something? Every now and again even I enjoy a good fight. But that's between us right? No telling the rest of the world. Anyhoo the point in telling you this is that as he's my villain I get to do the final flourish with him. It's sort of a rule see. If the present bad guy is directing their badness at one particular individual from team good guys. (That's us for the terminally stupid) Then said individual has the right to any resulting final quip or amusing hit when aforementioned bad guy is defeated. Truth is though what I really want is to make sure that my friends are ok. Still its sort of my duty to make the villain look like an asshole, so I deliver said punch in the nose and witty line before looking to Angel for confirmation that Amy and Nyssa are ok.
They are of course. And so we spend the rest of the time carrying on where we left off. Hey I'm not ending a party just cause some jerk tries to ruin it. Nyssa has taken Amy home, after the necessary, but still fun, way required to put my psychicness back. Apparently Lee had found a variation on the spell we used to bind Cordy's visions when she was with Groo, but this unbound mine so that when Nyssa and I. Well you get the picture. Anyhoo. We all get back to the fun and I give probably the best show of my life come midnight.
So there you have it. A rather eventful Halloween to say the least. I'm sort of hoping this year will be just a bit quieter. What? Oh the Angel bit. He rescued her in his own inimitable way what more can I tell you. I didn't see it, this isn't television where we can cut from scene to scene you know! I'm telling you what happened, to me. The rest. Well you'll have to ask Angel won't you.