The Third Nature -Book One of the Triad
Voyager fantasies by Taya 17 Janeway @ Nimgil
twenty seven : where the road splits
Janeway was planetside with Myriam, running final battle situations. They had barely a day left before the big showdown, and Myriam was determined that they be as well prepared for it as possible. On the surface, she was perfectly still and calm, but within her an emotional maelstrom raged. In the months past she'd learnt to shield her innermost feelings from other Mage in the vicinity, but today it was simply impossible. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop the worry, the grief, the conflict within her from erupting, leaking into the atmosphere like some kind of noisome fume.
The green-yellow of the hologrid flared into existence, then faded away into nothingness as the last simulation ended. Everything seemed to be running smoothly, yet Janeway had never felt so uncertain about the future before.
The future troubles you, said Myriam quietly as the war room reformed around them.
Janeway nodded silently.
But it has never troubled you before, she commented.
"No," said Janeway softly. "But I've never had to make decisions like these before."
"You don't have to make them alone," said Myriam softly, putting her hand on Janeway's. She gestured, and Janeway turned to look in that direction. Chakotay had entered the war room. Silently, Myriam walked away, leaving them alone.
He came over to her. "Kathryn."
Janeway refused to look at him. "Is there a problem?" she asked mildly, pretending to toy with the holosimulation controls.
He took her hand. "I think we need to talk."
Janeway looked up at him. "So you've heard the news?"
"About the Joining ritual? The entire ship has."
She glanced away from him. No, he didn't know then. "There is more."
He took her hand purposefully, forcing her to look at him. "What about?"
She took a deep breath. How could she put the enormity of their situation into words that he could understand? The war, the ship, their predicament: how could it all fit into a sentence? "We can't leave this place," she said finally.
"Kathryn, what are you talking about?" Chakotay looked confused for a moment, then guessed: "If we choose to participate in the joining ritual?"
"No." She pulled her hand from his and turned away. "Voyager is trapped in this universe. And so are we."
Realization dawned on Chakotay. "We won't be able to get home."
She nodded, once, slowly.
He reached out for her. She stiffened, refusing to accept his sympathy, or be made to look like she needed it in the first place. "Myriam thinks that our only options are to leave immediately or remain here forever, but I won't accept that. Somehow there must be a way for us to reach our own universe without affecting the fabric of the higher dimensions. And I intend to find it."
He took her by the shoulder and turned her gently. "Have you told the crew?"
"No. Not yet." She sighed and rubbed her forehead. "I'll let them know as soon as this is over."
Chakotay put one hand on his hip. "Kathryn, they should be informed right now."
She gave him a piercing glare. "Chakotay, there's nothing they can do about it. Telling them about it now won't make any difference."
"I think it might," he told her.
She pierced him with an intense gaze. "How so?"
"Knowing that the future of this world is tied to their own might give them the impetus needed to win this war," he told her. "Think about it. Now they would know that the victory is worth fighting for. It will no longer be an altruistic goal, but rather, a personal one. Wouldn't that make them fight harder?"
"Yes," said Janeway, "but you haven't considered the other consequences, Chakotay." She lowered her voice. "All these years, we've been thinking of only one thing: getting home. It was our dream, our common goal. Now all that is gone. How will they feel?"
Chakotay paused, and she could tell that he was thinking, and thinking hard. After a moment's silence, he said quietly, "Kathryn, I don't know how else to say this, but perhaps you should consider that the crew might be happier here than on Earth."
"But what about our families and loved ones back home?" she asked, a desperate kind of empathy in her voice, as if trying to reach out and turn Chakotay from the stand that he had taken.
"Not all of us have families and loved ones," said Chakotay darkly, and for a moment a flash of something unrecognizable crossed his expression. Then he continued: "Even if they do, what then? We've been lost for six years. Getting back to the Alpha Quadrant may take another fifty, sixty years. We'll never know. And by then, who's to say that those loved ones will still be there, or have not changed so much that we won't recognize them?" He took her hands gently. "But here, we've found families and friends of our own. Admit it, Kathryn, there's a bond between these people and us. We've started a new life, one that might be more promising than we could ever imagine. And believe it or not, I think the crew is happy here."
She paused, struck by the absolute certainty in his voice. "You sound almost glad to remain here."
"Maybe I am," he conceded. He paused, then gazed at her. "Aren't you?"
She was taken aback by the simple question. Was she? She thought immediately of all the times she'd spent here, training, fighting, planning, and realized that unconsciously, she'd slowly allowed this place to become part of her. An indelible part. Yet the thought of Earth remained tantalizingly dear, and the thought of not seeing it again cruelly bitter. "I'm not entirely sure of that," she said finally. "I do love this place, but... it's not home, Chakotay."
He held her hands close. "They say that home is where the heart is."
She looked down at his hands grasping hers, and what he was trying to say suddenly dawned on her. "No. Chakotay, we've been through this before..."
"But it was different back then," he insisted. "As I said, we've begun a new life here. New possibilities, new beginnings-"
She pulled her hands from his and let the silence speak for her. She wouldn't be won over so easily. She wouldn't let all her dreams be crushed in one instant.
Don't be so stubborn.
Janeway jerked back to face him. "Chakotay!"
He looked rather unperturbed. "If Nayrn has a spy in Myriam's inner circle, there is little doubt that she already knows of the whereabouts of the Daer-on-Naiad. She's just chosen not to attack it."
"And if she didn't, you've just given our position away!" she snapped. She could feel her self-control, already worn thin by the stress and her dilemma, draw perilously close to snapping. The swirling energies of the Fire Sphere hovered deliciously close.
Chakotay quieted. "If it means so little to you, why are you so tense?"
Then he was gone, leaving her alone with her fears and doubts.