Chapter 9 Scared and Confused
What had she done? Thought Lizzie as she walked alone back to her house less than a half hour after Gordo left her. She was so close to being with Gordo..... and then she stopped. Just like before, she said that mistake was unbearable, so why did she just do it again? She spent all these years telling herself not make that same mistake again and she did. At the worst time possible. It wouldn't have hurt so bad if he hadn't just left her there. Maybe this was too much? They had just met each other after 8 years and after all that happened before maybe that was why it couldn't happen. And if that was how every night with him would be like maybe they couldn't even be friends.
She cried silently as she walked outside the gates of the park. She
lean onto the gate and gripped to the bars looking through to the
beautiful and empty, park. She cried more tears and pressed her head
against the gate. She backed away and wiped her face. "No," she
thought, "I can't let this happen again. This just proves I still have
feelings for him I might even, love him. This means I can't give up
yet; I have to at least tell him how I feel" She continued walking
towards her house wondering why she was ever scared of something
happening between Gordo and her, why she was still scared now of
something happening and still filled with doubt. Whatever the reason
was she couldn't let that fear conquer her this time; it might be the
last.
She decided that tomorrow, sometime, she would see him and talk to
him. Tell him that she did still care for him but not only that, but
she wanted to be with him, she loved him. She could only pray he felt
the same.
When she reached her house she changed and washed her face of the
tears once there. She got into her bed and switched off the light next
to her. She breathed deeply and sighed. She knew what she would have
to do and it'd be hard but she had to take the chance. She'd have to
trust he wouldn't do anything to break her heart. She looked up at the
ceiling and then turned to her side to look out the window watching
the light from the sky shine through the window she stayed in a daze
wondering. This *was* her one shot but she was too scared to admit to
herself that it was, that if she didn't go through with this then it'd
be over forever. No more second chances.
~~~~~~~
Lizzie looked at the stunned expression on the face in front of her.
"Gordo? I said I love you" she said with a trembling voice watching as
Gordo struggled to say something
"I......I....I'm sorry Lizzie, I've moved on I don't love you anymore.
I thought you gave up on me so I did the same"
"But, I didn't know how I felt; I was confused, Gordo! Didn't you hear
me I love you!!" she said now with tears streaming down her face
"Lizzie," he said now with sympathy and pity in his voice "I can't
change the way I feel now. I thought I loved you but last night, I
realized I can't live like this.......with you. I don't love you
Lizzie"
"Gordo don't say that! I thought you'd understand, I thought you'd
feel the same. Why are you doing this!"
And he answered all too quickly "Because I don't love you!"
Lizzie's heart stopped at the sound of the harsh tone in his voice and
the words directed at her. She cried more only because she didn't know
what else to do there was no one to comfort her or to go to at all she
was alone.
And Gordo just watched her with no sorrow in his eyes they where
expressionless and empty.
"Goodbye Lizzie" he stated simply and left
"No!" she screamed "NO!"
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
Lizzie suddenly found herself in her bed panting heavily and covered
in sweat. She sighed with relief, it was just a dream. A nightmare.
Gordo wouldn't do that, just ........leave me there. 'Like he did
yesterday'. She started to look down but the stopped herself and shook
her head and buried her face in her hands 'Ugh! I got to get over this
I have to tell him and I can't be scared anymore! This is it! My last
chance! I have to tell him!'
And with that Lizzie got dressed while deciding when to go to Gordo's
to talk. 'Confess is more like it' she thought as she let a strand of
hair fall from the curling iron. Then the doorbell rang. 'Probably
John again' she guessed rolling her eyes and heading towards the door.
Surprisingly though, her eyes met Gordo.
Her eyes grew big as she greeted him "Gordo! I didn't expect you here!
Come in!"
He slowly walked in not closing the door he didn't say anything and
Lizzie went on talking rather fast
"Gordo while you here I've got to tell you, ...Uh..I...I.....well
first of all I'm sorry about the other night I just I don't know what
I was- I was confused, but....but I know....how...how I feel now.
Gordo? I lov-"
"Lizzie?" he said cutting her off
"Yea..yeah?" she said rather relived that he did so because she really
didn't have any idea what to say to him, she didn't know how to put
her feeling into words and she didn't-
Her thoughts where cut off again by Gordo he coughed and then cleared
his voice nervously "Lizzie, I came to say goodbye"
Lizzie stood in shock "What?"
"I'm leaving for New York today, I wanted to see you and tell you bye
before I went. And........I guess this is goodbye" He looked as if he
would hug her but he stopped and looked at her once more "Bye" he
headed for the door leaving Lizzie still standing there in the same
place in shock
She quickly called to him, though, before he went out the door
"Gordo!"
He turned his head quickly and took two steps back inside the house
"Yes?" he said with a voice of hopefulness
"I.....have to tell you I....."
"Yes?" he said again now sounding if longing for something
Lizzie sighed and said queerly "You'll keep in touch right?" she could
feel the tears in her eyes start to form again
Gordo tried his best to hide his disappointed face
"Yeah, will you?"
Lizzie hesitated before answering "Yes" she lied knowing they may
never see one another for another 8 years more likely never again "Of
course"
"Uh huh, well bye" he must of knew she lied from the tone of his voice
as he talked. She couldn't hide her feelings from him, at least some
of them. He walked back to the door but then stopped to turn around
"Oh yeah you where trying to tell me something earlier, what was it?"
Lizzie shook her head at him "Nothing, it was nothing"
"Okay, well bye" she heard the slam of the screen door close and she
squeezed her eyes shut as if to keep out the sound.
And she whispered quietly to herself "It was nothing, nothing that
mattered"
~~So I updated sooner than later I'm proud of my self. This obviously
wasn't the last chapter but the next one will be I'm 99.98 percent
sure.
Allison- yeah I realized that part too but I couldn't think how to
reword it so I just hoped my readers wouldn't think so *perverted*. So
just forget that line if you don't like to picture it lol
Sarah- Was Kristen Dunst in that movie "Get over it"? I think so but
that line wasn't from that movie well maybe it was but not from the
movie I was thinking of. Kristen Dunst was in this movie I'm thinking
of too, Keep guessing if none of yal get it I'll tell you in the last
chapter Here's the line again if anyone feels like guessing
"You just have to believe in yourself and know you can do it. And if
it helps.......I know you can"
Anyhoo back to the story. I thought this chapter was kinda short but I
didn't know how I wanted to separate the chapters (thanks to Jeb I
decided to make two more chapters) and I had to end it there so
everything else would fit.......and that's all I gotta say R/R, Later!
Lola
What had she done? Thought Lizzie as she walked alone back to her house less than a half hour after Gordo left her. She was so close to being with Gordo..... and then she stopped. Just like before, she said that mistake was unbearable, so why did she just do it again? She spent all these years telling herself not make that same mistake again and she did. At the worst time possible. It wouldn't have hurt so bad if he hadn't just left her there. Maybe this was too much? They had just met each other after 8 years and after all that happened before maybe that was why it couldn't happen. And if that was how every night with him would be like maybe they couldn't even be friends.
She cried silently as she walked outside the gates of the park. She
lean onto the gate and gripped to the bars looking through to the
beautiful and empty, park. She cried more tears and pressed her head
against the gate. She backed away and wiped her face. "No," she
thought, "I can't let this happen again. This just proves I still have
feelings for him I might even, love him. This means I can't give up
yet; I have to at least tell him how I feel" She continued walking
towards her house wondering why she was ever scared of something
happening between Gordo and her, why she was still scared now of
something happening and still filled with doubt. Whatever the reason
was she couldn't let that fear conquer her this time; it might be the
last.
She decided that tomorrow, sometime, she would see him and talk to
him. Tell him that she did still care for him but not only that, but
she wanted to be with him, she loved him. She could only pray he felt
the same.
When she reached her house she changed and washed her face of the
tears once there. She got into her bed and switched off the light next
to her. She breathed deeply and sighed. She knew what she would have
to do and it'd be hard but she had to take the chance. She'd have to
trust he wouldn't do anything to break her heart. She looked up at the
ceiling and then turned to her side to look out the window watching
the light from the sky shine through the window she stayed in a daze
wondering. This *was* her one shot but she was too scared to admit to
herself that it was, that if she didn't go through with this then it'd
be over forever. No more second chances.
~~~~~~~
Lizzie looked at the stunned expression on the face in front of her.
"Gordo? I said I love you" she said with a trembling voice watching as
Gordo struggled to say something
"I......I....I'm sorry Lizzie, I've moved on I don't love you anymore.
I thought you gave up on me so I did the same"
"But, I didn't know how I felt; I was confused, Gordo! Didn't you hear
me I love you!!" she said now with tears streaming down her face
"Lizzie," he said now with sympathy and pity in his voice "I can't
change the way I feel now. I thought I loved you but last night, I
realized I can't live like this.......with you. I don't love you
Lizzie"
"Gordo don't say that! I thought you'd understand, I thought you'd
feel the same. Why are you doing this!"
And he answered all too quickly "Because I don't love you!"
Lizzie's heart stopped at the sound of the harsh tone in his voice and
the words directed at her. She cried more only because she didn't know
what else to do there was no one to comfort her or to go to at all she
was alone.
And Gordo just watched her with no sorrow in his eyes they where
expressionless and empty.
"Goodbye Lizzie" he stated simply and left
"No!" she screamed "NO!"
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
Lizzie suddenly found herself in her bed panting heavily and covered
in sweat. She sighed with relief, it was just a dream. A nightmare.
Gordo wouldn't do that, just ........leave me there. 'Like he did
yesterday'. She started to look down but the stopped herself and shook
her head and buried her face in her hands 'Ugh! I got to get over this
I have to tell him and I can't be scared anymore! This is it! My last
chance! I have to tell him!'
And with that Lizzie got dressed while deciding when to go to Gordo's
to talk. 'Confess is more like it' she thought as she let a strand of
hair fall from the curling iron. Then the doorbell rang. 'Probably
John again' she guessed rolling her eyes and heading towards the door.
Surprisingly though, her eyes met Gordo.
Her eyes grew big as she greeted him "Gordo! I didn't expect you here!
Come in!"
He slowly walked in not closing the door he didn't say anything and
Lizzie went on talking rather fast
"Gordo while you here I've got to tell you, ...Uh..I...I.....well
first of all I'm sorry about the other night I just I don't know what
I was- I was confused, but....but I know....how...how I feel now.
Gordo? I lov-"
"Lizzie?" he said cutting her off
"Yea..yeah?" she said rather relived that he did so because she really
didn't have any idea what to say to him, she didn't know how to put
her feeling into words and she didn't-
Her thoughts where cut off again by Gordo he coughed and then cleared
his voice nervously "Lizzie, I came to say goodbye"
Lizzie stood in shock "What?"
"I'm leaving for New York today, I wanted to see you and tell you bye
before I went. And........I guess this is goodbye" He looked as if he
would hug her but he stopped and looked at her once more "Bye" he
headed for the door leaving Lizzie still standing there in the same
place in shock
She quickly called to him, though, before he went out the door
"Gordo!"
He turned his head quickly and took two steps back inside the house
"Yes?" he said with a voice of hopefulness
"I.....have to tell you I....."
"Yes?" he said again now sounding if longing for something
Lizzie sighed and said queerly "You'll keep in touch right?" she could
feel the tears in her eyes start to form again
Gordo tried his best to hide his disappointed face
"Yeah, will you?"
Lizzie hesitated before answering "Yes" she lied knowing they may
never see one another for another 8 years more likely never again "Of
course"
"Uh huh, well bye" he must of knew she lied from the tone of his voice
as he talked. She couldn't hide her feelings from him, at least some
of them. He walked back to the door but then stopped to turn around
"Oh yeah you where trying to tell me something earlier, what was it?"
Lizzie shook her head at him "Nothing, it was nothing"
"Okay, well bye" she heard the slam of the screen door close and she
squeezed her eyes shut as if to keep out the sound.
And she whispered quietly to herself "It was nothing, nothing that
mattered"
~~So I updated sooner than later I'm proud of my self. This obviously
wasn't the last chapter but the next one will be I'm 99.98 percent
sure.
Allison- yeah I realized that part too but I couldn't think how to
reword it so I just hoped my readers wouldn't think so *perverted*. So
just forget that line if you don't like to picture it lol
Sarah- Was Kristen Dunst in that movie "Get over it"? I think so but
that line wasn't from that movie well maybe it was but not from the
movie I was thinking of. Kristen Dunst was in this movie I'm thinking
of too, Keep guessing if none of yal get it I'll tell you in the last
chapter Here's the line again if anyone feels like guessing
"You just have to believe in yourself and know you can do it. And if
it helps.......I know you can"
Anyhoo back to the story. I thought this chapter was kinda short but I
didn't know how I wanted to separate the chapters (thanks to Jeb I
decided to make two more chapters) and I had to end it there so
everything else would fit.......and that's all I gotta say R/R, Later!
Lola