Ayaka listened to the hotel manager list the prices of his rooms, leaning against the pay phone and considering what kind of room to get. First, she would get out of this place... then she'd book a flight to England. She heard a familiar, worried voice speak up from behind her. "Hey, Ayaka.. I heard you were leaving.."
"Mm-hm."
"Are you really going to Europe..?"
"Yes."
"You shouldn't go there.."
"Why not?"
"The undead are many there.."
"And they aren't in San Fran? Or anywhere else in the world?"
"They are around the rest of the world, but they have a virtual iron curtain around those lands, it is theirs, and not many Garou or their Kin are suicidal enough to stay or go there.."
"Why would they even notice me? I'm just one more person."
He shook his head. "You are related to us.. And your, heritage, shows strongly in you."
"Why one earth would they notice that?"
"Because.. They know they can use you, simply."
"For what? The only family that would care if I was gone are both children, and the only reason you all are interested in me is my pedigree." she spat the last word out, still half listening to the hotel manager.
Rob frowned and stepped closer to her, shaking his head and sighing. He looked right into her eyes with his own sad, deep eyes. "You really think that's the only reason I saved you? Or gave you those pills?"
"Not you, no. But your also one of the few here who's spoken to me and hasn't tried to hit on me. But for all I know, you could be gay."
He shook his head. "I'm not gay.. But I care about you, I care about all people.. You shouldn't have been dealt the hand you were, but I can't change that.. But I don't want to see you as an undead... Or just plain dead.."
"I can't stay here."
"That's fine, that's fine.. We can find a place for you to go that's safe. But don't go to Europe.. Please..?" He whispered to her.
"I'll think about it."
"Ayaka.. Please, trust me? Have I ever given you a reason not to?"
"I wont go yet. But I'm not staying here."
He smiled a little, looking happy for a moment. "Do you promise..?"
"I promise."
"Thank you.. And I won't let you down trusting me.. Can I get you anything while I'm up?"
"No. I just need to finish a couple of calls."
"Alright.. We'll talk tomorrow, ok? About where you want to go and all."
"Alright."
He hesitated a few moments before turning and walking off down one of the tunnels. Ayaka listened to the hotel manager for a few more minutes before booking a suite.
***
Ayaka checked to make sure all of Sakura's things were packed, then looked at her brother and sister. "We'll be staying at the Hilton... Cable, room service, the whole shebang."
Hiro and Sakura both nodded to her then went back to coloring. "More then we had at home.." Hiro commented. "Or maybe less.."
"We'll just..... we'll make a new home." Ayaka said, trying to force cheerfulness into her voice. Even she could tell how false it sounded. Hiro shook his head quietly as there was a knock at the door. "It's open."
Rob stepped in and looked around, then sighed. "I thought you weren't leaving soon.."
"I'm not leaving San Fran. We're going to stay at a hotel."
"Oh.. Alright, so your going to stay in San Fran? To live?"
"I don't know yet."
"I hope you stay.. But none of us will force you."
"We'll see."
"So.. Would you mind if I came to see you sometimes?"
"If you want."
"Thank you.. I'm glad you've decided to let me be your friend. Is there anything else we should talk about?"
"I don't think so."
He nodded his head a little bit and looked around. "Well.. I'll go then.."
"Goodbye."
"Goodbye." He bowed his head to her then stepped out, leaving her alone in the room with the children.
Ayaka checked the room one more time, then sighed. "Is there anything you two want to do before we go?"
"No, I'm fine.."
"Me too."
"Besides.. What could we get here?"
"Just thought I'd ask." Ayaka said, putting a hand on her siblings' heads.
They both gave her a hug before they all got their packs and departed with their sister. The Sept had given them a small car for the moment to use.. It would have to do.
***
The hotel room was silent, save for Ayaka quietly moving between the two bedrooms in the hotel suit. Sakura slept in the same room as Ayaka, and Hiro had the other room all to himself. Both of them had fallen into exhausted sleep less than an hour before.
Ayaka walked into her shared room and looked down at her little sister, who was curled up around a pillow, crying quietly in her sleep. Her pudgy little legs kicked at the covers, and she seemed to curl up into a protective ball.
Ayaka sat down on the edge of the bed and very deliberately put her hand on Sakura's head. She called up the gift and drew out her sister's pain. The four year old finally fell into a true, deep sleep as Ayaka pulled her legs up to her chin and rocked, tears streaming down her face.
She allowed herself to be miserable for several minutes before finally pushing herself away from Sakura's bed and staggering over to Hiro's room. She didn't sit down next to her brother, though she did put her hand on his head, reaching for the pain that disturbed his sleep.
When she was done, she staggered back out of his room and practically fell into her own bed, feeling more alone than ever.
***
Ayaka woke up the next morning and felt no will to get out of the bed. What was the point? It would all be the same as yesterday. At least now they weren't underground, and away from the wolves.. A small improvement... And she had a new 'friend', Rob.. If he could be trusted.
But everything she'd have before was gone. Her mother was dead. Her home was destroyed. She was responsible for two children. Everything she'd *hoped* to do with her life just evaporated. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from crying. She couldn't show weakness. Not now. She needed to be strong for Hiro and Sakura.
Maybe it might be better if she gave into the advances of one of the wolves.. So at least someone would be able to take care of the kids. She was doing a fine job so far.. No, she was doing well.. Wasn't she? It hurt though... She wished she had some of the herbs from the shop, those could help with the pain
She didn't want them, though. She didn't want that life. That was the life her mother had lived..... and look where it had gotten her. She didn't want to get married. She didn't want to have children. She might NEVER want to.
She'd have to do something, or think of something.. But it was hard.. It was hard to even think.
At least the kids seemed a bit happier and content with the room suit.
Ayaka pulled the cover up over her head and rolled over, burying her face in the pillow. She wasn't sure how many hours later is was when there was finally a knocking at the door, disturbing her from her 'sleep'. "Hiro, did you order room service?" she asked, not poking her head out.
Her brother shook his head and looked at Sakura whom also shook her head.
"Could one of you look out the peephole?"
Hiro nodded and got up, taking a look outside the door and looking back to Ayaka. "Its that guy from yesterday." he announced.
"Which one?"
"From our room."
"Mm." Ayaka rolled out of bed, wincing as the sun hit her eyes and shuffling out of her room and over to the door to the suit. "Yes?"
"I came to check on you and see if you were alright." Rob said, looking at the peep hole. "I'm sorry if I woke you."
"We're fine, thank you."
"Alright.. Just checking.. I'll be back another time. Take care of yourself." He waved at her through the peep hole then turned and left her again, disappearing around a corner. Ayaka staggered back to her room and collapsed.
***
Ayaka stared at the ceiling, listening to the sounds of whatever cartoon her siblings had put on. It had been about two weeks since they'd left the Sept, and Rob had come by every so often to check on her though he'd not been in the room.
Ayaka had barely been out of the bed, herself. She just didn't have the energy. She'd regret it later probably.. But, healing her siblings had just drained her greatly. At least they were happier. She sat up slowly. It felt like something had died in her mouth. There was a knocking at the door. It was the third day again, apparently. She staggered over to the suit door and looked out the peep hole.
It was her friendly neighborhood wolf doctor. He waited patiently for her to answer, then knocked quietly again. She opened the door a crack. "Hi."
He looked her over and frowned, letting out a sigh. "Ayaka.. Hi, you haven't been taking care of yourself."
"I'm fine."
"Don't lie, not like that. A blind man could see you look like you've been drug through a rose bush patch."
"It's just been a rough patch."
"I know how you've been feeling.. I brought some things to help." He reached into his back pack and took out a pouch, offering it to her.
She opened the door enough so she could take the bag, leaning against the frame. "Thanks."
"You need any help? Or you want to talk about it ? I can't help it, I'm worried. I always worry about those I take care of."
"Just dealing with the overwhelming fact that I'm just a little speck in the universe." she said with a weak chuckle.
He shook his head a little bit. "You're not, as long as you mean something to people. Like them.." He gestured to the kids watching the TV. "May I come in?"
"Sure." She opened the door the rest of the way and stood back.
He blinked, a bit surprised that he was let into the room. He stepped inside quickly before she changed her mind, and began to look around, sniffing at the air. "Thank you, Ayaka"
"Places is a bit of a mess... the maid hasn't been up today."
Rob nodded his head a little bit and looked at her, then noticed what she was wearing and kept his eyes focused over her shoulder. "When was the last time you bathed, or really got out of bed for a while..?"
"Yesterday."
"What did you do?"
"I went to see Hiro's principal to formally withdraw him from school."
Rob nodded his head a little bit. "Still going to Europe..? What about before that?"
She just shrugged. "Can I get you a soda or something?"
"Sure.. Just let me do something real quick. Promise it'll only take a sec. Could you turn around?"
"Alright." She turned around with a sigh.
Rob lifted his hands and stroked them down her back slowly, feeling to see if she had any bed sores. She didn't, and she jumped away from his hands, spinning around. Rob raised an eyebrow, showing his palms to her. "What? I was checking to see if you had any sores."
"I'm *fine*." she said harshly.
"I was just *checking*. I am a doctor, you know. I'm sorry for not taking your word."
"Warn a person before you touch them."
".. Why did you think I asked you to turn around?"
"God only knows. Maybe you wanted to zip up your fly.... which IS unzipped, by the way."
Rob blushed deeply and reached his hand down, zipping his fly up quickly. "Sorry!" He said, and she heard the children giggle quietly.
"Now that we're done being embarrassing.."
"Uh.. Soda! Right?" He walked over to where the drinks were kept, opened one, and quickly began to drink.
"Right."
He took one out for her without stopping, offering it to her with a smile as he finished his own. "There you are."
"Thanks." she said, opening it and taking a sip. The carbonation burned its way down her throat.
Rob looked around, heading over closer to the window of the room. "It's a great place you got here.. Much better then our holes in the ground."
"More light."
"More everything.. Real beds, windows, carpet.. "
"TV... Room service...."
He turned and smiled a little at her. "You know how to live, I'll give you that."
"Its only temporary."
"Where are you going to after this?"
"I don't know yet."
"You going to stay around here?"
"I don't know."
"When are you going to decide?"
"See last response."
"Ah.. Well, tell me, will you? I'd like to know if you don't mind."
"Alright."
"Thank you, I promise not to tell anyone else. So.. What do you wanna talk about?"
"I don't know. What do you want to talk about?"
"Um.. Let me think.. What do you like to do and such?"
"I like to read."
"Is that all? I don't see any books around here."
"Well, what I used to fill my life with kind of when up in smoke." She bit the inside of her cheek, keeping her tone light.
Rob ran a hand through his hair and sat down nearby, shaking his head. "Your not fine.. Ayaka.. Do you want to talk? Want me to clean up? Anything? Maybe you should try some of those pills.."
"Hiro? Could you take Sakura to the ice cream parlor on the first floor?"
Rob began to wonder if he was about to be yelled at, looking a little worried. Hiro looked at her, then at Rob and gave her a hesitant nod. "Come on Sakura.. We can have a sunday."
"Really?" she asked, not getting the concerned air in the room. "Ok!" She followed Hiro out the door and he closed it behind them.
Sakura sat down in a chair, put her head in her hands, and let out a ragged gasp. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore."
Rob hesitated before reaching out and placing a hand on her shoulder. "I think your doing a fine job... Considering all you've been through.."
"Its too much."
"I know.. We all go through something like this.. You'd be surprised how many werewolves killed family members when they change.."
"But I'm NOT a werewolf, remember? I'm just a normal person."
"No.. Your not. Your related to us.. With that comes some pain, always."
"I just... I can't take it anymore." she said, letting out a ragged sob. "Everything's falling apart."
"What do you want to do..?" He asked, nodding a little bit at her. "And it happens.. But it'll get better, it will.."
"What I WANT to do is get my old life back. But nothing's gonna do that. It's all gone."
"No, you can't have your old life back. None of us can once we learn.. But what you *can* do is make a new one."
"With what? Where?"
"You have money. And somewhere, does it really matter? So long as you and the kids can be safe there."
"Everyone says that we're not safe no matter where we go."
He shook his head. "That's not true. In Europe it is, but here? There's got to be somewhere, but you'll have to move.. Somewhere east probably, on the other side of the Rockies."
"And everything that happened here will just start all over again."
Rob shook his head. "You don't know that for sure. You act like you just want to lay down and die."
"Bing bing bing. Somebody give the man a cigar."
He shook his head. "That's not you. You don't really want to do that."
"Then why do I wake up every day wishing I was dead?"
"Because your mourning.. It's natural.. I've felt depressed too, when my patients die.. Sometimes many at a time during an attack.. I know it's not like yours, but I've felt it."
"I just want it to all end."
He took a gun out of his pocket.. Her gun, she must have forgot it back at the Sept, and he offered it to her. "If you really want to.." He watched her carefully
"I can't. I can't just leave Hiro and Sakura alone."
Rob put the gun away and smiled a little at her. "Then you don't really want to die.. If you did, you wouldn't care about anyone else. The gun was empty anyways."
"I thought that got blown up with my home."
Rob shook his head. "No.. You had it. I've been holding onto it though.. Just in case. That necklace I gave you though, it's a thing that'll let me know if your in danger. So you weren't ever defenseless. So tell me.. What did you want to do before it happened?"
"Save my pennies and go to collage."
"You can still do that, you know."
"Someone has to take care of Sakura. She's too little to be left alone."
"And Hiro's too young to do it.. Hire a nanny maybe?"
"In case you haven't noticed by now, my family usually doesn't trust outsiders."
Rob shrugged. "What about me? I can be like a big brother or something. Besides, I don't want to spend my whole life like a mole."
"I'm sure you have something better do to with your time than watch a four year old."
"Besides... no school would take me. It's been six years since I've set foot in a class room, and I didn't make the best grades to begin with."
He shrugged a little bit. "You need a guardian anyways. You never know when something might pop up.. And that's ok. Something can be.. Arranged, if you get a school you like. Everything is computerized nowadays, you know.."
"If I can't get in on my own merits, I don't want to get in."
"Why not? You *aren't* dumb. I bet your very smart. But you had to take care of *three* kids and run a shop. No one would get good grades under those conditions.. Getting in isn't that immoral. The grades you'll get once your in will be your own. If you really don't deserve to be there.. You'll fail."
"It's the principle of the thing."
"Then what are you going to do?"
"I don't know."
"You need an education if you want to get a job that doesn't get your name on a shirt.."
"Can't go backwards, can't go forwards, can't stay here."
"It'll be alright.. You'll figure something out. But we've got to get you out of this depression."
"It'll pass."
"Hopefully, with you still in one piece. Oh, before I forget." Rob took out a little card and gave it to her, it was blank, save for a number and notebook lines. "I got a phone, just in case."
"Thanks."
"No problem.. Sakura and Hiro'll probably be back soon, so I'll go."
"Uh.. yeah. Probably a good idea."
"Something up?" he asked, tilting his head briefly at her hesitation. He thought as soon as he offered she'd have shooed him out like a pesky cat.
"No, nothing."
"O.. K." He shrugged. "I'll see you." Rob waved to her then headed out the door, leaving her alone in the room.
As soon as the door was shut, she let out a sigh and flopped down on the bed, the bag of medicine still clasped in her hand.
"Mm-hm."
"Are you really going to Europe..?"
"Yes."
"You shouldn't go there.."
"Why not?"
"The undead are many there.."
"And they aren't in San Fran? Or anywhere else in the world?"
"They are around the rest of the world, but they have a virtual iron curtain around those lands, it is theirs, and not many Garou or their Kin are suicidal enough to stay or go there.."
"Why would they even notice me? I'm just one more person."
He shook his head. "You are related to us.. And your, heritage, shows strongly in you."
"Why one earth would they notice that?"
"Because.. They know they can use you, simply."
"For what? The only family that would care if I was gone are both children, and the only reason you all are interested in me is my pedigree." she spat the last word out, still half listening to the hotel manager.
Rob frowned and stepped closer to her, shaking his head and sighing. He looked right into her eyes with his own sad, deep eyes. "You really think that's the only reason I saved you? Or gave you those pills?"
"Not you, no. But your also one of the few here who's spoken to me and hasn't tried to hit on me. But for all I know, you could be gay."
He shook his head. "I'm not gay.. But I care about you, I care about all people.. You shouldn't have been dealt the hand you were, but I can't change that.. But I don't want to see you as an undead... Or just plain dead.."
"I can't stay here."
"That's fine, that's fine.. We can find a place for you to go that's safe. But don't go to Europe.. Please..?" He whispered to her.
"I'll think about it."
"Ayaka.. Please, trust me? Have I ever given you a reason not to?"
"I wont go yet. But I'm not staying here."
He smiled a little, looking happy for a moment. "Do you promise..?"
"I promise."
"Thank you.. And I won't let you down trusting me.. Can I get you anything while I'm up?"
"No. I just need to finish a couple of calls."
"Alright.. We'll talk tomorrow, ok? About where you want to go and all."
"Alright."
He hesitated a few moments before turning and walking off down one of the tunnels. Ayaka listened to the hotel manager for a few more minutes before booking a suite.
***
Ayaka checked to make sure all of Sakura's things were packed, then looked at her brother and sister. "We'll be staying at the Hilton... Cable, room service, the whole shebang."
Hiro and Sakura both nodded to her then went back to coloring. "More then we had at home.." Hiro commented. "Or maybe less.."
"We'll just..... we'll make a new home." Ayaka said, trying to force cheerfulness into her voice. Even she could tell how false it sounded. Hiro shook his head quietly as there was a knock at the door. "It's open."
Rob stepped in and looked around, then sighed. "I thought you weren't leaving soon.."
"I'm not leaving San Fran. We're going to stay at a hotel."
"Oh.. Alright, so your going to stay in San Fran? To live?"
"I don't know yet."
"I hope you stay.. But none of us will force you."
"We'll see."
"So.. Would you mind if I came to see you sometimes?"
"If you want."
"Thank you.. I'm glad you've decided to let me be your friend. Is there anything else we should talk about?"
"I don't think so."
He nodded his head a little bit and looked around. "Well.. I'll go then.."
"Goodbye."
"Goodbye." He bowed his head to her then stepped out, leaving her alone in the room with the children.
Ayaka checked the room one more time, then sighed. "Is there anything you two want to do before we go?"
"No, I'm fine.."
"Me too."
"Besides.. What could we get here?"
"Just thought I'd ask." Ayaka said, putting a hand on her siblings' heads.
They both gave her a hug before they all got their packs and departed with their sister. The Sept had given them a small car for the moment to use.. It would have to do.
***
The hotel room was silent, save for Ayaka quietly moving between the two bedrooms in the hotel suit. Sakura slept in the same room as Ayaka, and Hiro had the other room all to himself. Both of them had fallen into exhausted sleep less than an hour before.
Ayaka walked into her shared room and looked down at her little sister, who was curled up around a pillow, crying quietly in her sleep. Her pudgy little legs kicked at the covers, and she seemed to curl up into a protective ball.
Ayaka sat down on the edge of the bed and very deliberately put her hand on Sakura's head. She called up the gift and drew out her sister's pain. The four year old finally fell into a true, deep sleep as Ayaka pulled her legs up to her chin and rocked, tears streaming down her face.
She allowed herself to be miserable for several minutes before finally pushing herself away from Sakura's bed and staggering over to Hiro's room. She didn't sit down next to her brother, though she did put her hand on his head, reaching for the pain that disturbed his sleep.
When she was done, she staggered back out of his room and practically fell into her own bed, feeling more alone than ever.
***
Ayaka woke up the next morning and felt no will to get out of the bed. What was the point? It would all be the same as yesterday. At least now they weren't underground, and away from the wolves.. A small improvement... And she had a new 'friend', Rob.. If he could be trusted.
But everything she'd have before was gone. Her mother was dead. Her home was destroyed. She was responsible for two children. Everything she'd *hoped* to do with her life just evaporated. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from crying. She couldn't show weakness. Not now. She needed to be strong for Hiro and Sakura.
Maybe it might be better if she gave into the advances of one of the wolves.. So at least someone would be able to take care of the kids. She was doing a fine job so far.. No, she was doing well.. Wasn't she? It hurt though... She wished she had some of the herbs from the shop, those could help with the pain
She didn't want them, though. She didn't want that life. That was the life her mother had lived..... and look where it had gotten her. She didn't want to get married. She didn't want to have children. She might NEVER want to.
She'd have to do something, or think of something.. But it was hard.. It was hard to even think.
At least the kids seemed a bit happier and content with the room suit.
Ayaka pulled the cover up over her head and rolled over, burying her face in the pillow. She wasn't sure how many hours later is was when there was finally a knocking at the door, disturbing her from her 'sleep'. "Hiro, did you order room service?" she asked, not poking her head out.
Her brother shook his head and looked at Sakura whom also shook her head.
"Could one of you look out the peephole?"
Hiro nodded and got up, taking a look outside the door and looking back to Ayaka. "Its that guy from yesterday." he announced.
"Which one?"
"From our room."
"Mm." Ayaka rolled out of bed, wincing as the sun hit her eyes and shuffling out of her room and over to the door to the suit. "Yes?"
"I came to check on you and see if you were alright." Rob said, looking at the peep hole. "I'm sorry if I woke you."
"We're fine, thank you."
"Alright.. Just checking.. I'll be back another time. Take care of yourself." He waved at her through the peep hole then turned and left her again, disappearing around a corner. Ayaka staggered back to her room and collapsed.
***
Ayaka stared at the ceiling, listening to the sounds of whatever cartoon her siblings had put on. It had been about two weeks since they'd left the Sept, and Rob had come by every so often to check on her though he'd not been in the room.
Ayaka had barely been out of the bed, herself. She just didn't have the energy. She'd regret it later probably.. But, healing her siblings had just drained her greatly. At least they were happier. She sat up slowly. It felt like something had died in her mouth. There was a knocking at the door. It was the third day again, apparently. She staggered over to the suit door and looked out the peep hole.
It was her friendly neighborhood wolf doctor. He waited patiently for her to answer, then knocked quietly again. She opened the door a crack. "Hi."
He looked her over and frowned, letting out a sigh. "Ayaka.. Hi, you haven't been taking care of yourself."
"I'm fine."
"Don't lie, not like that. A blind man could see you look like you've been drug through a rose bush patch."
"It's just been a rough patch."
"I know how you've been feeling.. I brought some things to help." He reached into his back pack and took out a pouch, offering it to her.
She opened the door enough so she could take the bag, leaning against the frame. "Thanks."
"You need any help? Or you want to talk about it ? I can't help it, I'm worried. I always worry about those I take care of."
"Just dealing with the overwhelming fact that I'm just a little speck in the universe." she said with a weak chuckle.
He shook his head a little bit. "You're not, as long as you mean something to people. Like them.." He gestured to the kids watching the TV. "May I come in?"
"Sure." She opened the door the rest of the way and stood back.
He blinked, a bit surprised that he was let into the room. He stepped inside quickly before she changed her mind, and began to look around, sniffing at the air. "Thank you, Ayaka"
"Places is a bit of a mess... the maid hasn't been up today."
Rob nodded his head a little bit and looked at her, then noticed what she was wearing and kept his eyes focused over her shoulder. "When was the last time you bathed, or really got out of bed for a while..?"
"Yesterday."
"What did you do?"
"I went to see Hiro's principal to formally withdraw him from school."
Rob nodded his head a little bit. "Still going to Europe..? What about before that?"
She just shrugged. "Can I get you a soda or something?"
"Sure.. Just let me do something real quick. Promise it'll only take a sec. Could you turn around?"
"Alright." She turned around with a sigh.
Rob lifted his hands and stroked them down her back slowly, feeling to see if she had any bed sores. She didn't, and she jumped away from his hands, spinning around. Rob raised an eyebrow, showing his palms to her. "What? I was checking to see if you had any sores."
"I'm *fine*." she said harshly.
"I was just *checking*. I am a doctor, you know. I'm sorry for not taking your word."
"Warn a person before you touch them."
".. Why did you think I asked you to turn around?"
"God only knows. Maybe you wanted to zip up your fly.... which IS unzipped, by the way."
Rob blushed deeply and reached his hand down, zipping his fly up quickly. "Sorry!" He said, and she heard the children giggle quietly.
"Now that we're done being embarrassing.."
"Uh.. Soda! Right?" He walked over to where the drinks were kept, opened one, and quickly began to drink.
"Right."
He took one out for her without stopping, offering it to her with a smile as he finished his own. "There you are."
"Thanks." she said, opening it and taking a sip. The carbonation burned its way down her throat.
Rob looked around, heading over closer to the window of the room. "It's a great place you got here.. Much better then our holes in the ground."
"More light."
"More everything.. Real beds, windows, carpet.. "
"TV... Room service...."
He turned and smiled a little at her. "You know how to live, I'll give you that."
"Its only temporary."
"Where are you going to after this?"
"I don't know yet."
"You going to stay around here?"
"I don't know."
"When are you going to decide?"
"See last response."
"Ah.. Well, tell me, will you? I'd like to know if you don't mind."
"Alright."
"Thank you, I promise not to tell anyone else. So.. What do you wanna talk about?"
"I don't know. What do you want to talk about?"
"Um.. Let me think.. What do you like to do and such?"
"I like to read."
"Is that all? I don't see any books around here."
"Well, what I used to fill my life with kind of when up in smoke." She bit the inside of her cheek, keeping her tone light.
Rob ran a hand through his hair and sat down nearby, shaking his head. "Your not fine.. Ayaka.. Do you want to talk? Want me to clean up? Anything? Maybe you should try some of those pills.."
"Hiro? Could you take Sakura to the ice cream parlor on the first floor?"
Rob began to wonder if he was about to be yelled at, looking a little worried. Hiro looked at her, then at Rob and gave her a hesitant nod. "Come on Sakura.. We can have a sunday."
"Really?" she asked, not getting the concerned air in the room. "Ok!" She followed Hiro out the door and he closed it behind them.
Sakura sat down in a chair, put her head in her hands, and let out a ragged gasp. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore."
Rob hesitated before reaching out and placing a hand on her shoulder. "I think your doing a fine job... Considering all you've been through.."
"Its too much."
"I know.. We all go through something like this.. You'd be surprised how many werewolves killed family members when they change.."
"But I'm NOT a werewolf, remember? I'm just a normal person."
"No.. Your not. Your related to us.. With that comes some pain, always."
"I just... I can't take it anymore." she said, letting out a ragged sob. "Everything's falling apart."
"What do you want to do..?" He asked, nodding a little bit at her. "And it happens.. But it'll get better, it will.."
"What I WANT to do is get my old life back. But nothing's gonna do that. It's all gone."
"No, you can't have your old life back. None of us can once we learn.. But what you *can* do is make a new one."
"With what? Where?"
"You have money. And somewhere, does it really matter? So long as you and the kids can be safe there."
"Everyone says that we're not safe no matter where we go."
He shook his head. "That's not true. In Europe it is, but here? There's got to be somewhere, but you'll have to move.. Somewhere east probably, on the other side of the Rockies."
"And everything that happened here will just start all over again."
Rob shook his head. "You don't know that for sure. You act like you just want to lay down and die."
"Bing bing bing. Somebody give the man a cigar."
He shook his head. "That's not you. You don't really want to do that."
"Then why do I wake up every day wishing I was dead?"
"Because your mourning.. It's natural.. I've felt depressed too, when my patients die.. Sometimes many at a time during an attack.. I know it's not like yours, but I've felt it."
"I just want it to all end."
He took a gun out of his pocket.. Her gun, she must have forgot it back at the Sept, and he offered it to her. "If you really want to.." He watched her carefully
"I can't. I can't just leave Hiro and Sakura alone."
Rob put the gun away and smiled a little at her. "Then you don't really want to die.. If you did, you wouldn't care about anyone else. The gun was empty anyways."
"I thought that got blown up with my home."
Rob shook his head. "No.. You had it. I've been holding onto it though.. Just in case. That necklace I gave you though, it's a thing that'll let me know if your in danger. So you weren't ever defenseless. So tell me.. What did you want to do before it happened?"
"Save my pennies and go to collage."
"You can still do that, you know."
"Someone has to take care of Sakura. She's too little to be left alone."
"And Hiro's too young to do it.. Hire a nanny maybe?"
"In case you haven't noticed by now, my family usually doesn't trust outsiders."
Rob shrugged. "What about me? I can be like a big brother or something. Besides, I don't want to spend my whole life like a mole."
"I'm sure you have something better do to with your time than watch a four year old."
"Besides... no school would take me. It's been six years since I've set foot in a class room, and I didn't make the best grades to begin with."
He shrugged a little bit. "You need a guardian anyways. You never know when something might pop up.. And that's ok. Something can be.. Arranged, if you get a school you like. Everything is computerized nowadays, you know.."
"If I can't get in on my own merits, I don't want to get in."
"Why not? You *aren't* dumb. I bet your very smart. But you had to take care of *three* kids and run a shop. No one would get good grades under those conditions.. Getting in isn't that immoral. The grades you'll get once your in will be your own. If you really don't deserve to be there.. You'll fail."
"It's the principle of the thing."
"Then what are you going to do?"
"I don't know."
"You need an education if you want to get a job that doesn't get your name on a shirt.."
"Can't go backwards, can't go forwards, can't stay here."
"It'll be alright.. You'll figure something out. But we've got to get you out of this depression."
"It'll pass."
"Hopefully, with you still in one piece. Oh, before I forget." Rob took out a little card and gave it to her, it was blank, save for a number and notebook lines. "I got a phone, just in case."
"Thanks."
"No problem.. Sakura and Hiro'll probably be back soon, so I'll go."
"Uh.. yeah. Probably a good idea."
"Something up?" he asked, tilting his head briefly at her hesitation. He thought as soon as he offered she'd have shooed him out like a pesky cat.
"No, nothing."
"O.. K." He shrugged. "I'll see you." Rob waved to her then headed out the door, leaving her alone in the room.
As soon as the door was shut, she let out a sigh and flopped down on the bed, the bag of medicine still clasped in her hand.